Jeanette Rizzi interview, confessions, and Stump the Trainer

I have got so much, so much to worry about. I am stepping up and never coming down. I have got so much. Howdy ho! How you doing out there in listener land? Chris Z and Sal Rodriguez here for another edition of Registered Ear Offenders. How the hell you doing, Sal? I'm doing great out there in listener land. I've never heard that expression, listener land. I know, I'm really getting into this, man. I like it. I like listener land. It's kind of like la-la land. And if this doesn't work out for me, I can always take a job at the strip club. Yeah. Please welcome Destiny to the stage. That was supposed to be stripper club music. I have no idea. I never frequented strip clubs. I just found it was like showing up hungry to a buffet and not being able to eat any of it. Yeah, my problem is not being able to get laid in the first place. That doesn't help me. What is the point of seeing more of what I'm not getting? Yeah, no, it's a big tease. I never got into strip clubs. A lot of guys are into strip clubs. I never got into the strip clubs. $7 for a Budweiser that I wouldn't normally drink for free? What a bargain. When I did go to strip clubs, it would be the full nude. I never went to the alcohol. Oh, yeah. I never went to the alcohol. I wouldn't even waste my time. That's insulting. It is. Guys out there, 800-893-9562 is the number. That's 800-893-9562. Man, have we got a hell of a show for you guys. And I am jacked up. I'll tell you, Chris and I, for the first time, usually we go to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. This time we went to Starbucks. I got an iced Americano. I don't know what Chris got. I got basically the same thing. And I have to say, I'm surprisingly not disappointed. Really? I am jacked up. It's kind of like going from cocaine to crack or something. Because normally, I get the idea. I got the iced Americano at Coffee Bean. This time, I got an iced Americano at Starbucks. And I am freaking jacked up big time. Sal, I do have something of a disappointment to announce, though. A disappointment? Way to start the show, Chris. Full disclosure, though. You know me. I feel guilty about everything. It's Catholic guilt. We were supposed to do sketchy characters on today's show. Yes. It's a big fan favorite. We've only done one before. We've got good reaction from them. But they loved it. Yeah. I didn't know that the record player here in the studio was on loan. And it turns out they took it back. Yeah. So I had no way to play my 45 records here. Yeah. You may remember if you listened to the episode two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, yes. I found the old records in my attic. Yes. And I've been meaning to bring one in every other episode or so. So I wasn't able to do that today. But I do have, I think, what I think is a reasonable facsimile. Yeah. Did I tell you this? Did I tell you where I got this from? No, you didn't tell me anything. Chris never ceases to surprise me while we're on the air live. I do, maybe. Which is the greatest time to surprise somebody is live on the show. Sure. You know, this seems so commonplace. Common sense in hindsight. But maybe from now on, you and I should start getting together before the show. What? To discuss what we're going to do. You mean to actually plan things? During the show. Whoa. Yeah. Slow down, dude. I know. So here's the deal. I dated this girl many, many years ago when I lived in Orlando, Florida. She worked at a giant video store. And I'd say 60% of what it did was adult films. And she received this letter. Well, her company received this letter. And she knew I was a comic. So she copied it for me. So I'm going to read this letter on the air. Because I think. You're not going to believe it. You're going to read a letter to a porn video store? Yeah. This guy wrote this letter. And it's very businesslike. I mean, this guy took time with this. He's an incredibly well-spoken, clearly an erudite individual. But the nature of this letter. You just. I won't give it away. Yeah. I mean, just because you love double penetration doesn't mean you're not intelligent. Yeah. No. You're right. And too often, those people are demonized. They are. They are demonized. You know, people that enjoy bukkake. You know, you're treated like a freak. Because you like. You like water sports. Why is this? Yeah. You know, whatever happened to the yellow bandana dangling from the back pocket? Is that still in fashion? I'm sorry, Chris. I don't know what the yellow bandana is. It means that you're receptive. Usually, it's relegated to homosexuals. But it means that you're receptive to a golden shower. Really? Yeah. Didn't you ever see the film Cruising with Al Pacino? No. I never saw that movie. No. I only recently saw Midnight Cowboy. So I'm kind of new to this. So you've seen everything from 1940 and before. Exactly. But just not anything from 40. 40 to 1970. Yeah. So he is a cop. And he goes undercover into the world of like the gay scene. Oh, the seedy world of the gays. Yeah. And in order to do that, he has to start wearing some tight blue jeans. And he has to figure out the bandana system. He has to blend in by wearing tight clothing. Yeah. He puts a bandana in his pocket just because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do. And so some guy comes up to him in the bar and goes, hey, you into water sports? Because, you know, that's how they say that. You know how guys walking around with the pants sagging? Right. Which I originally learned by iced tea. My pants are sagging. Braided hair. Suckers. Stair butt. I don't care. But they say the pants sagging is actually from prisons. Yeah. And the guy who sagged his pants was a bottom ready to take on some of the big thugs to drill him in the rear. Yeah. And I've heard from, because my roommate, when I lived in Orlando, was a nurse in prison. And he would see some shit that, you know, if I didn't know him as well as I did, I would think he was making it up. But apparently they got everything in jail, man. They got, you know, people who are acknowledged the fact that they're somebody's girlfriend. Yeah. You know, they pluck themselves. They cut their prison uniforms. You know, they cut the sleeves off. They cut the legs off. They wear tight clothing. They take their pockets off their clothing to further accentuate their... Ooh. I hear that they even have internet radio shows in prison as well. Wow. Something to aspire to for us. Well, you know, we can always do something. I mean, I'm not going to be doing laundry if I'm going to prison. It's a captive audience. The listenership is, what, five to ten times what we... Yeah. They're forced to listen. There's nothing else to do. They can be on the yard or they can be listening to the show. Now, for those of you who just tuned in, we got a great show ahead of us. Sal, do me a favor. Do this teaser for me. All right. Who we got on the show today is we have a beautiful and talented comedian and personal fitness trainer by the name of Jeanette Rizzi from Florida. She will be joining us in the studio today. And... Yeah, go ahead, Chris. I can attest to both those things being true. That she's from Florida and she's beautiful? Yes. I agree. I'm going to try to maintain my composure when she's here. You should see she has tattoos on her ankles, which drive me absolutely insane. The accent proves she's from Florida. And what was the rest? I'm sorry. I know. I can see your reflection in the window and I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to say next. I know. You know, studies have shown that when a man sees an attractive woman, his brain just short circuits. This has been scientifically proven. So every time I look at Jeanette, my brain, I cannot look at her. I can't look at her. She has very nice skin. And that, for me, trumps everything else. Okay. And next, we have also confessions, which is a very popular segment among the listeners. I got a doozy for you today, man. You will have a hard time topping my confession today, I'll tell you that. You know what, Sal? I promise you that as my good friend and my co-host, I will give what you give in kind. I will respond in kind. Okay, because I got a doozy and you got to match it. We also have, in lieu of sketchy characters, we have Chris's segment, which again is a surprise, a letter to pornographers, nonetheless. Yeah, she asked me never to reveal it publicly because of how she acquired it. But who knows? I haven't spoken to her in years. Who knows if she even works there anymore. So I'm going to go ahead and betray my confidences and break my promise. I'm going to go ahead and break my promise and read this letter on the air. You're like the Julian Assange of porn letters. Yeah, that's right. How is it that Tiger Woods had nine mistresses? I can't name one. Even though I saw one at Ralph's. You saw one of Tiger Woods' mistresses at Ralph's? Yeah, you know the really good looking one, the first one that kind of was there when the story broke, kind of tan skin. Yes. She used to work at Core on Ventura C.O.R. It's a dispensary. Yes. Yeah, she used to work at, I mean, they mentioned it on the news, so I wasn't surprised to see her at Ralph's in Studio City. Wait, she worked at a marijuana dispensary? Yeah, before she. You know, blew up. Okay, because I was going to say, so it's possible that her and Tiger Woods smoked pot together. Hmm. Who knows? I like that. And we also have, we're springing this on Jeanette. Jeanette, again, we said is a comedian and personal fitness trainer. We're going to spring her with a segment we call Stump the Trainer, which is essentially a game show where her and I will go head to head and battle in who knows the most about fitness. Now, don't forget, Sam, we may have some listeners that are just joining us and they may not know about your fitness background. So give yourself a little bio. Well, I only say this on the air because I am only a trainer on the air. Because I will not be a trainer on video because I have put on a few pounds. So therefore, I'm only a trainer on the internet radio. But I do have, for nearly 20 years, I've been a certified personal trainer, certified by ACE, certified by AF. I worked for Bally's, worked for 24 Hour Fitness, been independent, ran 10 marathons. So I have a background of fitness. And so therefore, I challenge Jeanette today for a fitness quiz off. So Sal, Sal is something like Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He's past his prime, but he's still, his wisdom. You know, serves him well in his leadership role. He walks on a cane. I can teach someone else how to run a marathon, but I will not be running it with them. That's what I'm saying. And then finally, we have my weekly rant as well, where I will tackle eBay. That's just a little tease. So what do we got today? First to start, Chris, is our confessions. All right, here it goes. Well, this will effectively end my political aspirations before they have even begun. Oh, no. Oh, no. Many, many years ago. I'd say it was about 16. 17 at the time. I used to have a best friend who lived about a block over from me. And here was the weird thing. Everybody, we lived in suburbia. Everybody had a fence around their house. But for some reason, his back fence and the neighbor's fence didn't quite meet. So there was a gap in between them. And, you know, we would kind of use that as a shortcut. And after a while, you know, just out of sheer boredom, I would sometimes go to his window late at night. Because his parents were a little uptight. They'd always have him in early and stuff. So sometimes just to chat or whatever, I'd go in there and knock on his window. Sort of like Doogie Howser. Remember Doogie Howser had that little buddy that would climb up to his window? No. Okay. No, I know. The dark-haired guy from Newsies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started going to his window and we'd chat every now and then. Well, here's the thing. He had a sister. And she was about a year or two. Oh, no. I think you're going to trump mine today. Hey, Nick, can we cut Jeanette's headphones? We don't want anybody we know to hear any of our confessions today. Can we black out this segment of the show? Just some kind of like static or something. Jeanette, cover your ears and go la, la, la, la, la, la, la. All right. So anyway, after a while, I couldn't help but notice that the windows were in close proximity. And. Come on. We're behind you, Chris. We're behind you here. Okay. Here's another thing. She wasn't very on the ball about keeping her blinds closed. Oh, no. Yeah. So it got to the point where me as a, you know, horny young man realized that, hey, this girl, who I'd always seen as just like an annoying. Little sister was actually had a pretty spectacular little body. One of those girls who, because she's small, you don't notice it. You know, you never really notice until you see her in some kind of a revealing wear or swimwear or something like that. You go, God, this girl's body is perfect. And I started waking up early and claiming that I was going for jogs. My mother thought I'd suddenly, you know, I embarked on this quest for fitness or a perfect body or something. But no, in fact, what I was doing was going out bright and early, waiting for her to wake up. And watching a hell of a show. Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC just walked in the studio and he would like to have a word with you. And you know what's particularly frightening about this? I have a few friends that I still keep in touch with and some of them still listen to the show. I'm trying to be particularly sparse with the details so that they can't connect. But she was a neighbor of yours. Essentially. Yeah, she was all of one block over. Okay. So pretty much whoever listens to the show who knows you from your past is able to put two, two and two together. Yeah. You are dead. It's a good thing you live in California now. This all happened in Florida. Yeah. And you know what the worst part about it is? I can't afford to lose any friends. So I've got two or three left. I don't know why I'm doing this. That puts a lot of pressure on me, you know. I will tell you once I even, I got emboldened by time. And I even brought my video camera. Oh, it gets worse. And I had to put a piece of black electrical tape on the little red dot that indicates that the camera was dead. And I had to put a piece of black electrical tape on the little red dot that indicates that the camera was recording. Sure. Because I didn't want her to see it. Of course not. And my God, it was, the timing could not have been more serendipitous. She'd come into the shower and she was moisturizing from head to toe. Okay. Let's just be perfectly clear. She was a minor and you were a minor. Correct. You guys were both minors. Correct. Okay. So you were not a pedophile. No, I wouldn't stand for that. That's abhorrent. No. Any grown man should have no interest in a girl under 18. It's completely unnatural. You hit 18 and suddenly you should become a totally changed person. I'm a totally changed man with no biological instincts. That aside, my little operation there came to an abrupt end. Take a wild guess how. Just think about it. We have an abrupt end of, I don't know, you were accosted by a gardener? No. Change of seasons. Because suddenly when you turn the clock back, the sun started coming up an hour earlier. Oh, Mother Nature, damn you. And I was no longer concealed. I was suddenly in plain sight to people driving by or people maybe walking their dogs or something. So that's how that phase of my life ended. I got to hand it to you, Chris, because you were pretty ballsy. Not only are you confessing something disgusting, but you are confessing something I believe illegal. Is it illegal? Well, then I take that back. I had no idea in that case. Had I known it was illegal, I would not have engaged in those activities. And this happened so long ago. I mean, because today she'd be on YouTube at the very least. Yeah, thank God there was no YouTube at the time. Oh, believe me. For my... My confession, I'm glad that there was no YouTube because I would have been on that as well. Well, you might as well get started, buddy, because we're already running behind. All right. Well, I had a cousin by the name of Troy. Rest in peace, Troy. He was... And eventually, I believe, committed suicide in Arizona, which is a sad story in and of itself. But when we were both little boys, we hung out together. We were good friends. My mother's sister's son. And so we're about six years old. And I don't know where we got this idea from, but we decided let's go into the closet together. So I and my cousin Troy... We go into the closet together. And somehow, we take our clothes off. I mean, I don't know where we got this idea from. I don't know. I mean, I was not molested or anything, to my knowledge. But we go into the closet. We take off our clothes. And we didn't know anything about sucking dicks or anything. But we said, let's put our dicks in each other's mouths. So I put my dick in his mouth. Hey, hang on, Nick. Nick just threw up on the soundboard. Nick just threw up in his mouth. So he put his dick in my mouth. I put my dick in his mouth. I put my dick in his mouth. And then, I don't know where I got this idea. I said, hey, put your tongue in my butt. So he puts his tongue in my butt. And then he says to me, okay, now you put your tongue in my butt. And I start to do it. And then it smelled. So I didn't do it. I stopped. I did not put my tongue in Troy's butt. And he got mad at me. He's like, I did it to you. You have to do it to me. I said, no, no, no. It smells like poopy. Yeah, because now you can lord that over him for the rest of his life. Exactly. That's why he killed himself. He could have killed himself from that incident. Well, we were saved by the bell. Because right at that moment, our mothers called us to dinner. Sal and Troy, come for dinner. So we quickly put our clothes on. And we left the closet. And no one has ever heard about this story ever before today of my little escapade with my cousin Troy when we were approximately six years old. Did he happen to take his own life the moment you put on Facebook that you and I were doing a radio show? You know what? Where we had a segment called Confessions? You know, the truth is some people have a problem with incidences that have occurred when, like, let's say if you were molested. And then you wonder, oh, am I gay? Am I gay now or whatever? But who knows what could have contributed to his demise? He did commit suicide by gunshot, I believe, in Parker, Arizona. So maybe I contributed. I'm sorry, Troy. I would like... This is an amends segment. This is an amends segment as well. I would like to make an amends to my cousin Troy. May he rest in peace wherever he is. I'm sorry if I contributed to your mental problems which led to your suicide. You know how normally they say from beyond or from the grave? This is to the grave. To the grave. This is to the grave. I make my amends. I'm making amends with a dead man. My cousin Troy. I did enjoy hanging out with Troy. Our friendship was cut by our mothers. Our mothers had problems with each other. So therefore, I lost contact with Troy and his sister Patty as well because of our mothers who were nuts, both of our mothers. You know, I would like to know, and I'm sure the information is somewhere out there, how common that actually is. Truth be told, honest to God, I never had an experience like that. But I know my brother... Because if Chris had an experience like that, he would have videotaped it, rest assured. Only if it was with a girl, Sal. Yes. No. No, but my brother right now is reading Mick Jagger's autobiography, and he's incredibly forthright. And one of the things he talks about is he went to an all-boys school, and sure enough, he said that was quite common experimentation amongst the young men who really had no other options. You know, they were coming into their own, and there was literally no females around. Yeah. I mean, what choice did I have? Anyway. Well, hey, I'm going to launch into the next segment here. Again, we apologize that Sal and I can't bring you sketchy characters. We're supposed to do it. But I thought this letter would, again, make a pretty good, pretty, pretty... Funny substitute here. Okay, a letter written by a customer of a porn video store. And he gives his name here. I'm going to give his name, but it has his address and other contact information. I won't reveal that. And the letter is titled, An Open Letter to Managers and Proprietors of Video Stores Offering Adult Films for Sale or Rental. Oh, so it's an open letter just to everybody. Right. So I suppose he might have... It actually sounds from the tone of this letter that he mailed it out to several different businesses of this nature. Okay. Mm-hmm. Dear Sir... Sir or Madam, my name is Ronald Sebring, President of Sebring Marketing Consultants, Inc. For 18 years, my consultancy has provided clients around the globe with innovative strategies built on sound principles. Typically, our services command a premium. However, I've made this treatise available, gratis, to explain how female employees are likely hurting your profits. Most pornographic film titles herald the fetish and or sexual orientation they cater to. Consequently, it is impossible, for consumers to rent or purchase erotica discreetly since it won't be handled by one or more store employees upon checkout. The face-to-face exchange with a complete stranger makes most people uncomfortable. A cashier of the opposite sex increases that discomfort dramatically. To elucidate, I offer the following anecdote. Six months ago, a lunch at P.F. Chang's left me with a hankering to watch young Asian females scissor grinding and such. Yeah, I can't believe it either. I stopped at my local adult entertainment purveyor. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. After much deliberation, I selected a film titled Geisha Gash. Upon emerging from the adult annex, I made a troubling observation. An unfamiliar female had supplanted the disheveled, overweight, omnipresent male clerk. Not only was the relief cashier female, she was young and Asian, with a complexion marred only by the striations years of casting contemptuous glances had etched into it. My selection's title seemed to double in size. I lurched forward with static feet. The end patriarchy now scripted on her T-shirt became legible. The room suddenly felt like an oven. I uttered a cordial pleasantry. She let several seconds of silence lapse to broadcast her hatred of the whole world before setting her Hunter S. Thompson paperback aside and murmuring, phone number at me, with minimal eye contact. Grabbing my rental, she spied its title. Her eyes found mine. I averted my gaze, but still felt the elephantine weight of her stare. On my life, what follows is the truth and nothing but. It seems that the stress of the ordeal somehow attuned my brainwaves to a paranormal frequency. I suddenly found myself privy to her thoughts via some kind of telepathic conduit. Her mouth never moved, yet somehow I heard the following phrase with crystal clarity. Un-fucking-believable. This pervert sees a whole race as nothing more than fodder for his sexual desires. I opened my mouth to voice indignation, only to inhale a batch of saliva. She did nothing to acknowledge my distress. One night or two, she huffed. Again, I heard her spoken query in tandem with the one that it belied. You want to run a batch before bed, or are you going to spend the next two days slamming your hand, Mr. Loser who can't get laid? My jaw lost all rigidity. Voices in your head are a sure sign of madness, I chided myself. Get a grip! I did my best to compose myself. One, please, I replied through the desert highway of a throat. 318, she exhaled. I rifled through my back pockets, but found nothing. She crossed her arms. My coat pockets sealed with nothing. She rolled her eyes and sighed obnoxiously. Alas, I found my billfold in my shirt's breast pocket, where I had only begun keeping it since reading a blurb about pickpockets in Reader's Digest. I placed a 20 on the counter. She wrapped her knuckles on a small scrap of paper taped to the counter that read, Small bills, please. I'm sorry, that's all I have. Fine, she huffed, swiping the bill off the counter. Her hands slowed to a stop. Her brow bunched. She held the bill at book's length from her face. Her head began oscillating slowly. She turned the bill towards me, revealing the source of her sudden distress. Its previous custodian had drawn a small but detailed phallus next to Andrew Jackson's head. Said phallus was showering his face with what, judging by the texture, was semen. I didn't do that, I mumbled through marbles. I didn't even see that. Sure you didn't, she shot back, seething with incredulity. You didn't see it when you got the bill, or when you pulled that out of your wallet just now? Yes, I mean no, I didn't see it then or now. How about this, you sick fuck. One day you'll be married and when you and your wife come in, her eyes cut to the computer screen. I'm gonna ask if she's a fucking he-she like those things in the last movie you rented. Why, I might just fax your rental history to every church in town. Would you like that, you sex perverted pig? She planted her hands on her hips triumphantly. I had never felt more humiliated in my life. A tidal wave of rage washed over me. I'm not a perverse sex pig, I bellowed. I'm just a guy who finds unconventional sex arousing. My fist hammered the counter in tandem. The consequent burst of cannon fire that shot from my fingertips to my elbows brought me back to life. I felt as if I'd woken from a decade long coma. The cashier's formerly ovular eyes were now perfect circles. Her mouth sagged like a rose, dazed dead. I became aware that I was inhaling and exhaling as if I just swam 10 laps in an Olympic pool. My heart was beating like a bomb. I was like a boxer working on a speed bank. I knew that if I did not evacuate that life compactor immediately, I would succumb to blackness. I ran for the door on jello legs, leaving my tape and my 20 behind. My contention that fewer females would boost your profits is backed by statistical evidence. Last June's issue of Adult Entertainment Monthly states that males not only rent or purchase pornography more often than females, but rent and or purchase three times more pornography per transaction. Managers and proprietors of video stores are now offering adult films for sale or rental. Take heed. Regards, Ronald Sebring. Ronald, good job. Powerful, moving, detailed. No, I've never heard such a letter like that. You know what I find interesting is that a woman or any person of any given ethnicity would be offended that somebody finds their ethnicity sexually arousing. If any person ever told me, I find Mexican guys so incredibly hot, I mean, I would faint because I've never heard that. I would absolutely faint. Yeah, yeah. No, don't lay out, Chris. I like that cadaverous hue that you've... Yeah, you know what? I find tall, lanky, cadaverous looking guys fucking amazingly hot. What if a woman said that to you? Would you be offended? Not at all. I'd say, let's hope you never get those eyes examined. Just don't change, sweetheart. Whatever's wrong with you, keep it wrong. What I would love to hear is the response from the pornographers. I'd love to hear the response to that letter. What would they have to say about that? Yeah, I don't know, Sal. You tell me. I mean, there's certain, I imagine, hiring laws, you can't dismiss employees because they happen to be female, right? But at the same time, the pursuit of profit is prime directive, right? Well, speaking of females, I think we should go ahead and bring out our guest. And let's hear what she has to say about guys who watch pornography. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Florida's funniest female comedian semifinalist, Cleveland Comedy Festival finalist, host of the Ovarian Cancer Circles comedy show. With Sinbad, and she's also been named the spokesperson for Total Woman Gym and Day Spa, where she does fitness segments on Everyday Family TV. Ladies and gentlemen, we welcome to Registered Ear Offenders, Jeanette Rizzi. Hi, guys. Hello, Jeanette. How are you? I'm wonderful. How are you? Very good. Sal, I have to thank you because you procured Jeanette. I'd never met or even heard of Jeanette before, and you pulled some strings to get her on the show. I would like to procure her right now, as a matter of fact. She's so pretty, I can overlook the fact that she has the same name as my mother and spells it the same way. No, your mother's name is Jeanette? Two N's, two T's. I never knew that. That's rare. I know two other people like that. Is that some kind of classical, maybe, spelling that comes from old literature or something? I don't know. What's the origin of the name Jeanette? Do you know? It's from Joan of Arc, from what I understand. Oh, wow. Mine, with the two N's. But I know mine was supposed to be spelled with one N, and the hospital spelled it wrong. Those hospitals. I hate them. I have two N's. How often do you hear about hospital error in your favor? Never. Yeah, usually it's they cut the wrong leg. You don't usually hear, they gave me a really cool name. Never. Jeanette, so you are a comedian and a personal fitness trainer. How do you balance the two of those things? I think one supports the other. Being a personal trainer provides a lot of comedy, day in and day out, listening to people's problems, and then you just go from there. And working in a gym. Listening to people's problems. So it's like being a trainer is sort of like being a therapist, too. Of course, exactly. That's why we get paid the big bucks. Have you ever had somebody really kind of cross the line a little too much with, my husband's cheating on me. Yes, or they ask if they should cheat on their husbands. You get everything. Really? Yeah. Next time somebody asks you that. What? Give them this business card. Yes, I'll give you a name. Yes, you should cheat on your husband with Chris Z, who will videotape it. And then talk about it on a radio show. That's right. Because you want more than that. So, Jeanette, tell us how you got into stand-up comedy. I came from a town that was kind of closed-minded. I always had this outside. Outspoken life that I lived. And I loved Hillary Clinton. And they were all kind of rednecks. And they hated the Democrats. So I just started writing jokes. And then it just blossomed to wanting to come to California. I actually saw Rosie O'Donnell on TV when I was 16 doing her stand-up. And I said, that's what I want to do. So I left Florida after I graduated from UF and came out to California to chase that dream. I could see why that would rub Southerners the wrong way. Hillary Clinton has one child. Oh, my God. And Rosie O'Donnell is a woman speaking without her husband's permission. Yeah, I agree. So tell us about personal training then. How'd you get into personal training? I played sports ever since I was little. And I just like to exercise. And, you know, living in LA, you have to find a way to make money and chase your dreams. And I didn't want to wait tables. And being a personal trainer, you can have a flexible schedule and go on your auditions. So I said, well, let me do this. I get to exercise and be in sweatpants all day and run to an audition and come back in sweatpants and have fun instead of sit at a desk and type papers. Well, I don't know about you, Chris, but I'm very happy that Jeanette did not wear sweatpants today. That's funny. I was just thinking that. I tried to dress up for you guys. I was thinking that exact same thing. I appreciate it. Look at these deltoids. The people at home cannot see these tremendous arms and deltoids that she is showcasing today. Yeah, unfortunately, we still, the only video we have in this studio is the, what I call the surveillance, the 7-Eleven surveillance camera there. It's the KGB camera up in the corner. It's Big Brother, but I don't think you can get any detail in there. Yeah. Look at it. Do me a favor, Jeanette. Just look into the camera and smile. Maybe that thing is more cute than I'm giving it credit for. It looks like a sheep never in my head. No, no, no. It gets you on there. That was actually installed just to make sure Stan and I don't steal any equipment from this. You know what? I believe we have a clip of Jeanette Rizzi's standup comedy. So why don't we go ahead and play a clip of Jeanette Rizzi? Hey, guys. After looking around this audience, I feel a little better about myself sitting in those empty seats because I realize I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one. I'm the only one having financial problems these days. Anybody else? Oh, bullshit. Should we not have a problem? Okay. Well, I went to the grocery store today and my favorite credit card got declined and the guy at the counter was like, Ms. Rizzi, you want me to run that again? I said, no. You go ahead and get my credit card provider on the phone. So they dialed. It rang. They picked up. I said, Dad. Yeah. No problem. I'm going to go ahead and get my credit card provider on the phone. So they dialed. It rang. They picked up. I said, Dad. I'm going to go ahead and get my credit card provider on the phone. They dialed. It rang. They picked up. I said, Dad. You go ahead and get my credit card provider on the phone. They dialed. It rang. They picked up. I said, Dad. Yeah. No problem. Things are bad. I don't even have cable. I've had to start reading the newspaper for entertainment. That's pretty depressing. But I did read an interesting article that, ladies, did you notice that when we cry, a man's testosterone level drops, therefore they don't want to have sex with us? Gentlemen, thank you. Because when you cry, we don't want to fuck you either. So at least we're finally all on the same page. We're all on the same page. We're all on the same page. We're all on the same page. I've done something. Hormones aren't meant to be messed with. I'll tell you that. I had to call my doctor this week and I was like, look, this is the birth control pill you got me on. I don't like it. It doesn't fit well with me. He said, why? I said, well, when I was on the old pill, I only wanted to kill myself. On this new pill, I want to kill everybody. It's bad. I'm feisty. I'm single. Yeah. You? Are you? No. What are you looking for? I'm just trying to get my blood pressure back. I'm trying to get my blood pressure back. I'm trying to get my blood pressure back. I'm trying to get my blood pressure back. Is there anybody in your seat where I'm not a single one? Yeah. All right. There you go. All right. Have you guys noticed that technology has changed the rules of command? I don't if you've noticed this. Instead of calling they text. Instead of texting they email. Just fine. Gentlemen, just let me die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because if I die because texting, they email, just fine. But gentlemen, just let me assure you this. Clicking the like button on my Facebook page the day after we sleep together for the first time will never mean as much as the phone call. And why is it with dating, everybody's got to give you unwanted dating advice. My friend called me the other day. She said, you know what? I just know any minute now, Romeo is going to knock on your door and just sweep you off the seat. I said, uh-huh. Now, will this be before or after the Easter Bunny's going to come by to eat me out? I'm telling you, ridiculous. At this point in my day... And that is Jeanette Rizzi. Where was that recorded, Jeanette? That's at Flappers in Burbank. Flappers in Burbank, California. Brand new comedy club, right? Only about a year old? Yeah. Yeah, a year or two old. And I got to hand it to him, Sal. They really are kind of a, I don't know, a conduit, if you will. A middleman, so to speak, for up-and-coming talent. Yeah. You know, whereas what I call the holy tree, the trinity of clubs on the Sunset Strip there, the Laugh Factory, the Improv, you know, half a mile away, a comedy store. They don't give anybody new a chance. They're very clicky, you know, very kind of a, basically a frat. It's a frat house. And talent is the last criteria that they use for letting you into that frat. But Flappers is a lot more accessible. You know, so anyway, I strongly recommend it. It's Burbank, California. If you guys get a chance to go out there and check out. And they got solid headliners on the weekends, too. It's like, it's good, clean, like comedy, the way it's supposed to be. A three-man show, guys telling actual jokes. Yeah, so let's give a shout out to Dave Reinitz and Barbara Holiday, owners and proprietors of Flappers in Burbank, California. Jeanette, the issues with men and dating, is this all true? I mean, why? Look, you're sitting here, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. How or why do you have problems with dating? Oh, gosh. You know, I think that there's this theory out there that men want strong women, but that's not really true. They tend to, you know, come on strong. And then when you have a strong personality, you don't put up with bullshit. They... Sprint away. They kind of leave you hanging in the dust. Now, what type of bullshit don't you put up with? Like, like cheating? Well, cheating. Cheating's... You know what? I think on the grand scheme of things, that's the easiest thing to deal with versus just lying. Cheap. I can't stand cheap people. Like, men don't want to pay for dinner anymore and it drives me crazy. What else? Just, you know, being flaky, not showing up for things. I don't know if that's an L.A. thing, though, because I've been dating in L.A. now for so long. Well, so in other words, just things that you would expect in a friend. Like, you don't want your friend to flake on you. If your friend says they'll show up, they'll show up. If it's unacceptable behavior as a friend, it's unacceptable behavior as a dating partner. You know, I mean, I never got this. Only here in L.A. where flaking is a thing. Oh, I flaked. What do you mean you flaked? Your excuse is that you failed to do what you said you were going to do? That's not an excuse. Which technically is a lie, I think, if you flake, right? I mean, you said you were going to do something. You don't do it. You don't honor your word, so... Yeah. That's a lie. But let me ask this question. You mentioned the men not paying for dinner. Yeah. How do we, as men and women, resolve that women want to be equal? Women want and deserve equal pay, want to be treated with the same respect that men do, and yet men are expected to pay for dinner. So tell us, how do we resolve all that? Well, it's easy. You guys start having the babies, and we'll start paying for dinner. Until then, you pay for dinner, and we have the babies. That's that line right there. I love that rationale, because I rarely meet a man who's the one who posited the idea of having a baby in the first place. I love that. Women demand that it's time for a baby. They make that decision, and then later on, they kind of want to pat themselves on the back for the fact that they carried a child that the guy probably didn't want in the first place. Oh, I don't agree with that. I have plenty of female friends that their husbands pushed having the baby that they didn't want. They wanted their careers. The husbands want the baby, so they got to give it up to have the baby. They don't have to give it up, but they have to stop working for a little bit. Tom, like us, you used to talk about this a lot. It's kind of a common thing now. Girls are getting pregnant, and once their body kicks into gear and that biological clock is ticking and everything, girls who talked before about never wanting a baby suddenly realize that I want to keep this thing that's growing inside me, and they expect the man to foot the bill. But that's modern feminism. This is my, for a woman, it's my body. This is my body, but I do, I would like that child support for a man. Well, you know what? I, as a man, as an unmarried man, would just like a lot of sex. You know, if I get a lot of sex, I am okay doing whatever and whenever, I will pay for anything. I just want to be sexually gratified. And as long as I'm sexually satisfied and gratified, we can have all the frigging dinners we want. Well, there you go. That's easy. You should date me. Well, hello. That's easy to find. I love it. Like, oh, that's it? That's all it takes? That's all it takes. You've expressed the desire to date this beautiful girl, and you're in? Wow, fuck. Yeah, that's all it takes, Chris. What have you been doing? Hey, Jenna, tell us about Blindsided, and also to get a little, I mean, this also supports, I understand that part of your one-woman show called Blindsided supports victims who have friends and family that have committed suicide. Yes, I wrote a one-woman show called Blindsided, and it's based on my best friend who committed suicide, and I was trying to find ways to get over it, and it was years and years, and it was never, you know, I was just constantly sad, so I decided to write the story and donate some of the proceeds to Friends for Survivors, and they help families and friends. I'm a big fan of Friends for Survivors, and I'm a big fan of Friends for Survivors, and I'm a big fan of Friends for Survivors, and I'm a big fan of Friends for Survivors, because you have, like, Al-Anon. Like, if I have a friend or family member who's an alcoholic, I have Al-Anon to support me, but what if I have a friend or family member who commits suicide? I actually never knew that there was such a support group. Right, and you need that, because you're carrying around the guilt, what did I do, could I have done something, and you need those people to support you to say, you know what, at the end of the day, they made that decision not to play the game of life anymore, and it wasn't your fault, and, you know, here's how you take steps every day with depression and sadness. So in Blindsided, do you talk about your friend who committed suicide? I do, I talk about that. I talk about where I was raised, and the fact that there are so many guns available to people in the South. I mean, it was just in her home, out, and she grabbed it. I talk about being raised by a nun and a monk, and just, like, go to God, go to God, to learn how to get over what happened, and God will make you feel better, but, you know, that wasn't happening, so I talk about religion, and then, of course, you got to bring the dating and the sex into it just to make it funny, otherwise everyone's going to leave depressed, so. Religion, dating, and sex. That has got to be the worst advice you can ever give a human being. Go to this intangible, presumably non-existent thing Don't get Chris started on God. Oh, I'll go with you on that, Chris. To deal with real human problems and emotions. You know, go to some fictitious solution. Go to a person who's not even there. No, you need to talk to a human being. You need to meet other people who have been where you've been, and, you know, realize that there are, you know, for some reason, we as human beings, when we realize that other people have felt the same way we feel, it goes a long way, man, just to know that you're not alone, you're not lost. You know, and this applies in, you know, lots of situations, but, boy, what are the odds that suicide would come up twice in one comedy show, huh? What was the other one? You, buddy. Oh, yeah, that's right. Where was I? I wanted to ask you, Jeanette, about, you mentioned your mother was a nun and your dad was a monk. Tell us about that. Yes, they were. Well, and that's exactly why with religion, I understand what you're saying, Chris, anytime I had a bad day and I'd ask my parents for advice, my dad would say, well, think about what St. Francis did, or I was like, I don't care what St. Francis did. What did you do in this situation? So my mother was a nun for five years, and my dad was a monk for 14, and they ended up meeting each other and falling in love, and they're still very religious, but they left and got married. Where did they meet? They met at a church? No, they met in college, at Brooklyn College. Before they were monks and nuns, or this was during? After, after. Well, my mother had left and my dad was finishing up, so. Okay, so they were. They didn't do anything in church. My dad makes it very important. Sure they didn't, of course. Of course not. He always stresses to say that they did not do anything with the, you know, in the church. Did your dad have the friar tuck? Yeah. Or does he have that now by nature? Yeah, kind of. Wouldn't that be ironic, you know? He still has the friar tuck. You leave the monastery, and now you have the friar tuck haircut, yeah. The Larry David haircut. Yeah, the coronet that we were talking about the other day, where it almost looks like a Roman wreath of hair around the back of your head. Now, I used to enjoy buying the CDs of the monks, monks chanting. Does your dad chant? He does chant. How does he sound when he chants? I can't do it. Kind of like a male. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and when we go to, you know, the few times I do go to church with them, everyone comes over and talks to him about his voice, and he proudly says, I learned that in the monastery. Did he do that, like, at home, when he was trying to get you to do some chores around the house, and you just want to sit there and watch TV? He also starts humming. Start chanting, yeah. It's got to get louder, sweetheart. Clean the floor. Clean the floor. Your room is a mess. Oh, Sal, we did briefly mention Jeanette's one-woman show, but didn't we mention that it premieres September 22nd at the Academy of New Musical Theater, 5628 Vineland Avenue in North Hollywood, California? Did we mention that? No, we did not. And for tickets, you can go to jrizzy2, that's J-R-I-Z-Z-I-2, number two, at eventbrite.com, jrizzy2 at eventbrite.com for tickets to Blindsided. How'd you get the name Blindsided? Because my friend, when she committed suicide, it was Blindsided. It Blindsided me. I didn't expect it. And then when you hear the stories about the men in my life, I didn't expect what they were going to do either, so we just said Blindsided. Now, had you written before, or was that an entirely new endeavor for you to sit down and commit all this? That actually took me, this took me eight years to write, because I was dealing, I didn't want to turn my audience into my therapist dealing with my friend's suicide. And so I just kept writing and writing and just dealing with it and getting over it. And finally, once I had, you know, learned that this wasn't my fault and became happy again, I started to add the comedy into it. And then it was just done. I said, okay, we're ready. It's eight years. My director's been with me for eight years. It's Rod Menzies. And it's exciting. It takes you on a roller coaster. You're laughing, you're crying, you're laughing again. And then you hopefully leave inspired and the money goes to a good cause and we help other people. So I'm looking forward to it. How do you approach a one woman show as a performer versus doing standup? How do they differ or how are they similar? Well, I think in standup, you're telling a story, but in a one woman show, I mean, I don't think you, I do stand up. So yeah, you're telling a story, but in a one woman show, you become the character. So for me, you'll hear me be my grandmother from Brooklyn and you watch me become my ex-boyfriend from Africa and, you know, my friends from the South. And then I turn into myself and my mom. And so you watch me become the characters versus saying the other day, my grandmother did A, B, C, and D. I just want to touch upon briefly something you said before about the, you know, trying not to turn into your, and you're trying to turn, trying to turn, trying to turn your show, not having it turn into your one woman show. What the? Chris? See, this is what happens when Chris has Starbucks instead of Coffee Bean. Did you slip me a Mickey or something? They did at the Starbucks. You know what? Chris made the mistake of going into Coffee Bean and telling the Starbucks, I mean, going to Starbucks and saying, I normally go to Coffee Bean. Why do you tell them that? Yeah, that's right. That was, there's a sizable quantity of saliva in my coffee. No, but you said you don't want your one woman show to turn into a therapy session. Right. And I agree with you that in standup, the same rules apply. Right. People will go with you. They'll go places with you, but you have to make it worth their while. You can't just get up there and, I hate this, I hate that, or poor me, poor me. You have to make it rewarding, you know, either by kind of connecting with them or, you know, writing the humorous, you know what I mean? Trying to find the bright side of it. It's, yeah, the journey, but you can't just let it turn into a bitch fest. And I think that's why most people are kind of gun shy about seeing one person shows because typically it's a, you know, it's a lot of this, like I had a real hard childhood. I was a latchkey kid. You have to learn to make fun of yourself. You know, I talk about after she died, being suicidal myself, but I turn it funny because I made jokes about it instead of saying, poor me, you know, my mom wasn't home. My dad didn't hug me, blah, blah, blah. I just wrote jokes. And so hopefully they come with me on that journey. Your dad, as a monk, did not wrap you in his robe and hug you? No, he told me to pray, pray, pray, pray, God will fix it. Now, this next question is going to lead us into the Stump the Trainer game show. And that is, is Total Woman. So tell us what you do at Total Woman and how you got involved with the Everyday Family TV videos. Well, I've been a personal trainer for Total Woman for eight years now. And I supervise the training department in the Glendale location. So they were looking for someone, they were working with Everyday Family TV and they said, we need someone, you know, should we audition people? And then my boss said, you have to let Jeanette do this. She's great on camera. She's funny. She's a great trainer. And so actually the CEO of the company watched my standup and I guess I made him laugh. So really, cause your standup is so bad. I mean, you know, it's adult, you do adult comedy. And when you watch these fitness videos, you're so family oriented, literally, cause there's a baby in the video. Well, right. I can't tell a joke about, you know, being eaten out by the Easter bunny with a baby in the room. So yeah, you are very likable and very genteel on camera. Oh, thank you. Even though she's a foul mouth. I know I was pleasantly surprised. Are you, are you a foul mouth in the bedroom as well? Yeah, I'd say so. Oh my God. I mean, come on. How could you not be if you want to have fun? You have utterly perfect teeth. What's your secret? I was born with them. There's no secret. You never had braces? Never had braces. Wow. She looks like Barney's sister. They're that perfect. They're white. White is the whitest pearl. Hey, let's start. Let's begin this game show. All right. Hey, let's talk about the prize. The prize, the winner of the Stump the Trainer game show will win their selection of either a chocolate flavored whey protein powder from Trader Darwin's Trader Joe's or a vanilla flavored protein powder. So we are going to be having a quiz off for protein powder today. And I just want to clarify, even though I'm a contestant on the show. You're just trying out my buzzer. No, it sounds great. I like it. Even though I'm a contestant, I swear before God or any universal deity that I do not know what these questions are. This is a fair level playing field. This is Sal the Trainer versus Jeanette the Trainer on these questions of Stump the Trainer that were comprised by my compatriot. I did. I composed them last night. Sal has not seen them. Neither has Jeanette. I'm going to shout out the question. I'm going to repeat the question twice. Okay. When I complete the question, you shout out your name. Whoever shouts their name out first will be the person that I ask for the answer. Here we go. I'm ready. Do we have to answer it beauty pageant style where I repeat the question back to you and then give you the answer or I can just shout out the answer? Yeah, and you got to do that kind of palm wave. Okay. The very facetious smile. Question number one. In what year was the film Pumping Iron released? Sal, 77. That's correct. Yeah. That's not fair. I wasn't even born then. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. No, no. You know what? Let me clarify. You were supposed to repeat it twice and I chimed in after you said it once. You already broke the rule. I did break the rule. It's true. We might have to scratch that question even though I got it right. And I failed to procure a winning sound effect so don't expect a chime or a bell when you answer the question correctly. Okay, so to be perfectly fair because I did not follow the rules, that question is axed. Zero zeros. Got it. Zero zero. This is perfect because now we have seven questions. Okay. So it's an odd number and the best of. Here we go. What is the proper name derived from Latin of the muscles commonly referred to as lats? Jeanette. Jeanette Rizzi. Latissimus dorsi. That's absolutely correct. But you did not repeat the question twice which means that she broke the rules too so now we're even again. Oh, that's. Oh my God. Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, baby. Guys, we need to get this right because I've got six questions. Okay, we can be zero zero or we can be one and one again. So let's be one and one. That will be both questions. Okay. Okay. Okay, we're one and one. One and one. One and one. Okay. Question number three. What is the largest privately owned gym chain in the US? Again, what is the largest privately owned gym chain in the United States? Sal. Sal. LA Fitness. That's incorrect. Can I go? Yes. Golds? That's incorrect as well. 24 hour fitness. Oh, I used to work for them. I was surprised by that as well. That's privately owned. It is privately owned. Mark Mastroff, CEO. Why are they so cheap with the way they pay their chainers? No, it's true. They are awful. Question number four. Name the bodybuilder who holds the most Mr. Olympia titles. Hint. This is a trick question. I almost read the answer. Sorry. Again, name the bodybuilder who holds the most Mr. Olympia titles. Hint. This is a trick question. Sal. Sal. Ronnie Coleman. Your answer is partially correct. Again, this is a trick question. Ronnie Coleman has won the most Mr. Olympia titles, so that's my answer. Jeanette, do you care to piggyback? No, I have no idea. I didn't consider it a possibility this might happen, but Lee Haney and Ron Coleman are tied with eight titles each. Okay. So what do you say? You got to be the judge. How about we let Nick be the judge on that one then? What do you say, Nick? Did I get that right? It's always Arnold. Always. Okay. Nick just defaults to Arnold even though I think Arnold won seven. I guess Ronnie Coleman, Lee Haney tied with eight. That's correct. Damn it. All right. I'm going to cast that aside. Okay. We're moving on. Okay. So we're still at one. I want that protein powder. Damn it. I like Trader Joe's protein powder. Okay. Question number five. The medical term for the abnormal development of large memory glands in males resulting in enlarged breasts is called... Again, the medical term for the abnormal development of large memory glands in males resulting in enlarged breasts is called... Awesomeness? This is not a fitness question. I know that's a medical question. What kind of fitness question is this? You get one for answering wrong and one for your bleak attempt at humor. Jeanette, do you care to take a stab at this? No. All I'm picturing is, is Bob from Fight Club right now with that question. Meatloaf. I saw Fight Club and I wondered if those were actually his breasts. Right. Okay, Sal. I'm going to guess hypergynecomastia. God damn it. It's gynecomastia. Gynecomastia, but there was no hyper. I searched two different sites, so I'm afraid I can't give you credit. The only reason I know gynecomastia is because for years they've long said if you smoke marijuana, you will develop breast tissue called gynecomastia in males. And as a marijuana user, I have to pay attention to these things. That's funny. That's how I know it as well. Yeah, exactly. I've never looked that up because I've never had a man say to me, can you get rid of my breast? I will tell you this. There's a guy at my gym. I don't think the chest press will do it, Sal. No, in fact, you got to be careful because if you start building mass underneath that, you might even get bigger. What's the score right now? One to one. Oh my God. Okay, let's move on. We got three more questions. Okay. So it's time to start taking this. Here it is. All right. Question number six. Name the famed publisher of such bodybuilding and fitness related magazines as Muscle & Fitness, Flex, and Shape. Again, name the famed publisher of such bodybuilding and fitness related magazines as Flex, Shape, and Muscle & Fitness. Sal. Sal. Joe Weider. That's absolutely correct. Yeah. Sal now leads by one point. The score is two to one. Protein powder. I'm going to choose chocolate. Question number seven. Don't worry. The acronym HGH stands for what? Again, the acronym HGH stands for what? HGH. I don't know that. Sal. Sal. Human growth hormone. That's absolutely correct. Oh, duh. Bam. I didn't know that. I do know that. Bam. Sal's suddenly on a hot streak. Damn. Leading by two points. I'm getting nervous. I'm like, what is this question? Am I not doing my homework as a trainer? HGH is, I think, probably the- Human growth hormone. Human growth hormone. Yeah. With the celebrity. It's very popular amongst celebrities. But it increases your bone mass. That's why a lot of people who use it, their heads are Mark McGuire, Carrot Top, notably Sylvester Stallone. But can it increase gynecomastia? I don't know that for a fact, but it does increase muscle mass, but it increases your bone density as well. I just like saying gynecomastia. It's a fun word. It's a tissue that's different from the- Okay. Now, our final question. I don't think there's any way for you to pull it out. That's what she said. Pull it out in the end. That's what she said. I'll just flash Sal when he's leaving and steal the- Listen, let me tell you something. You keep up the tattoos and the heels and I'll give you- And you only saw two. Oh, my. You have more? Where are the rest of the tattoos? No, that's all right. Finish the tattoo. Damn it. All right. I distracted him. Now I can come through. Go ahead. What's the next question? We have one more question in our first ever segment of Stump the Trainer. Question number eight. Blanks are the building blocks of proteins. Jeanette. Again. Oh, damn. Blanks are the building blocks of proteins. Jeanette, can I answer it? Yes, answer. Amino acids. That's absolutely correct. Now, and what's the score right now? Two to three. It does appear that Sal is the winner of today's Stump the Trainer. He is the recipient of the chocolate flavored protein powder. Okay, fine. I won the protein powder, but I'll tell you what. I really have enjoyed playing this game and Jeanette is so lovely. I'm going to give her her choice of either the chocolate, or the vanilla protein powder. Which would you choose, Jeanette, as a parting gift? The chocolate, please. Jeanette takes home a parting gift of a protein powder chocolate. Yay, thank you. Very chivalrous. Thank you. Chivalrous of you, Sal. We have five minutes and we have just enough time left for fan favorite Sal's weekly rant. And who brings us Sal's weekly rant today, Chris? Glad you asked, Sal. Party Planners. They've been a sponsor before. They're our sponsor again this week. Party Planners is your premier party rental supplier in Santa Clarita and surrounding areas. Take the worry out of your ass. Give your event and add quality and style to your next event. Whether you're planning a wedding, graduation party, holiday party, birthday party, or any special occasion, Party Planners Plus is looking forward to becoming your one-stop rental source. Again, that's PartyPlannersPlus.com, 691-1222. Take it away, Sal. Thank you, Party Planners Plus. And listen, everybody. I'm going to try to be real quick. We are running short on time. I've been a buyer on eBay for about three years, a seller for about one year. I have 100% positive feedback, which is coming. I'm coveted by buyers and sellers, especially sellers. 100% feedback. Positive. As a buyer, I read the item's description. I note the seller's return policy. I bid on the item. Then I pay within 24 hours of winning the bidding. And if not, I send a note to the seller with reason for the delay in payment. I consider myself a good buyer. As a seller, I pride myself on sending out a package quickly with clean contents, neatly packaged, not just for a great review, but out of self-respect as a business owner. Sellers can't leave negative reviews on buyers, even ones that delay payment or cancel transactions for no apparent reason. I'm a buyer. I command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command command of repercussions, I do not because positive reviews are so coveted and important on eBay. But out of all of this, my main pet peeve is when people send me dirty merchandise. They can't take one minute to wipe a collectible down with a damp paper towel. I'm forced to wipe away years and years of dust and filth. I've never had this problem when I bought anything shipped and sold by Amazon, but I do have this problem on eBay. I mean, you don't need to be a retail professional to say to yourself, perhaps I should clean this item before I send it. And we all know what dust is. Dust is human skin, hair, and insect parts. So essentially I'm having to clean up other people's dust off of the items that they send me. So my contention is if you are a seller on eBay, clean the freaking item when you mail it out to a recipient. Clean up your merchandise. That's my eBay rant. Thank you. Now, Sal, rarely would I do this, but I want to amend something you said there. eBay policy clearly states no returns. It's not just your policy. It's eBay policy, if I'm not mistaken. Well, it depends. I, as the seller, have the opportunity to choose to accept returns or not choose. So I choose not to accept returns. I have a clear description. Everything's out in the open. There's no reason anyone should return. If I sell a piece of jewelry, it tells you the measurements. It tells you the carrots. I don't need anybody returning anything because the description was right there. Now, is that individual who attempted to cancel the sale, is he sullying your reputation? Well, he could potentially leave me a bad review. Yes, he could. So I'm literally sitting on eggshells looking at the... Review board, wondering if he's going to leave me a bad review. Well, why don't you tell them how they can find you online? So maybe you can have additional consumers that'll, you know, supersede whatever this clown has to say. All right. Well, my merchant ID on eBay is Salvador Los Angeles. I sell jewelry, makeup, skin conditioning products, and collectibles. Salvador Los Angeles on eBay. Thank you, Chris, for letting me plug my eBay channel. Of course, buddy. While you're at it, why don't you plug next week's guest? Next week on our show, we have Wes Hambright, composer and musician. We'll be joining, us today in the registered ear offender studio here at Skid Row Studios in downtown Los Angeles. Once again, I'd like to thank our lovely and talented guest, Jeanette Rizzi. Jeanette, plug away. Yeah. Tell us about Blindsided, where they can go to see it. Okay. It's next Saturday night, the 22nd at 7 p.m. It is at the Academy of New Musical Theater in North Hollywood. And you can get tickets at jrizzi, that's J-R-I-Z-Z-I-2 at eventbrite.com. And what's the charity that the ticket sales help to support? Friends for Survivors. And that's a really great cause. Perfect. And I will be performing stand-up comedy at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Festival at the end of this month. And I'll also be performing at Harris Casinos on September 27th. I believe it's a Thursday. How about you, Sal? You got anything to plug? I will be a wedding emcee at the Goldberg Wedding in Santa Clarita next Saturday. So unless you're invited, you will not be able to attend. I so rarely know when Sal plugs whether he's kidding or not. I never kid about where I'll be. I'll be there. But yeah, it's the nature of it. It's the nature of events that usually cause me to assume that you're... I've really enjoyed today's show, Chris. I'll tell you what, I may have Starbucks instead of coffee bean from now on because I'm still jacked up from Starbucks. The hell you say? No, you don't. He's such a loyalist. I know. And for those of you out there, again, in listener land, thank you for tuning in again and making our show a tremendous success. Keep those emails and phone calls coming. Do join us next week and hopefully we'll have sketchy characters back. I have come to love this segment, Sal. And in case you want to call in with 10 seconds left, I don't know, I'm just kidding. Nobody's going to call in. Nobody's going to call in now. Hey, thanks for listening, everybody. This is Sal Rodriguez, my co-host, Chris Z. Chris Z. Our wonderful guest, Jeanette Rizzi. Thank you for listening. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Good night. Good night.! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! I am stepping up Tune into The Love Bite where all your kinky desires come true Sundays 3-4pm Pacific Time at skidrowstudios.com Oh shit, that... Okay, I gotta stay in the Pacific Ah, fuck, I hate my voice Fuck! I hate it! Jesus Christ, I hate this shit Ugh!