Earthquake preparedness and personal stories

I ain't doing nothing but talking shit. Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along. Ow. I ain't doing nothing but talking shit. Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along. And this is the way, the way, the way, the way we rock the house. You like them big hairy balls, don't you? Baby. I know you gonna dig this. Don't touch that guy. Hey. Yeah. Your past experience. And earthquakes may give you a false sense of safety. You didn't do anything or you ran outside. Yet you survived with no injuries or perhaps you got under your desk and others thought you overreacted. However, you likely have never experienced the kind of strong earthquake shaking that is possible in much larger earthquakes. Sudden and intense back and forth motions of several feet per second will cause the floor or the ground to jerk sideways. Sideways. Out from under you. And every unsecured object around you could topple, fall or become airborne, potentially causing serious injury. This is why you must learn to immediately protect yourself after the first jolt. Don't fucking wait to see if the earthquake shaking will be strong. Booyah, motherfuckers. What's poppin'? It's Thursday motherfucking night. You know what I'm saying? You did pay your cable bill. So you got internet and you're listening to us live on Skid Row. Skid Row Studios dot motherfucking com. This is the Nestorius Public Radio Show. I'm your host, Nestor Rodriguez. A.K. motherfucking A. Nestorius da Glorias. Block, block, block. Booyah, booyah, booyah. And that's my man right there, Simon Kaufman. What's up? Live and direct. Rack, rack, rack. Yo, Thursday night, Skid Row Studio. Yo, we're talking about earthquakes in the motherfucking house. Put down the marijuana, pick up the blow. Know what I mean? Cause we're jamming in your ears in stereo. Know what I mean? We're popping shit, popping pimples off your mother's ass. You know what I'm saying? Coming round, coming back to you and smoking grass. Yo, we dropping motherfuckers to the particles, reading newspaper articles. Yeah. And to your right is the one and only, the sexy Hellman's hat wearing, Rich Corbin. What's up, baby? I love my mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Yo, you think that you spread it on the bread? Let me tell you something, okay? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? You got nothing to eat at home, all right? You got white bread, okay? Because you're cheap. You're a stupid fucking cheap guy, okay? You got mayonnaise that expired five years ago, okay? But have no fear. You can still spread it over here, okay? Orale, wey. Orale, puto. Anyway, so yeah, today's show is about earthquakes. You know, I've experienced a few earthquakes, but the last one I experienced was on the March 17th on St. Paddy's Day. And what did they call it? The something shake? They gave it a name, of course. Is it a shaker or a roller? No, no, no, no, no. They gave it a fucking, you know, like. The shamrock shake. Thank you. The shamrock shake. Thank you, Mindy. Thank you so much. I did not hear that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They called it the shamrock shake. That's hilarious. Of course, because we're in America nowadays. If you get fucked in the ass arbitrarily on a street corner, you can't just call it an ass fucking. You got to give it a name. You know, you got to give it a packaged, you know, beautiful fucking jingle sounding name. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know, like if a hurricane rips through, you got to name it after a white woman. Yeah, yeah. You're like Katrina. No, although a lot of them have been named after Latinas, Dominican chicks, yeah. Yeah, you don't see any named after black chicks. But we're not talking about earthquakes. Hurricane La Wanda. I mean, we're not talking about hurricanes. Let's come back to earthquakes. That's racist, man. They never name it after brothers. They should expand their whole names. Their name pool. So Earthquake. Earthquakes. Earthquakes. I just wanted to spend a little bit of time, being that most of us are from the East Coast here. Actually, no, I'm from the East Coast. You're, Simon, from the West Coast, Northwest. And Rich, you were born on the West Coast. Yeah. Right. So you've experienced your fair share of earthquakes, yeah? You want to hear about my first, very first? If you can do it in a concise form, because we got 10 minutes just to keep it into earthquakes. I'll tell you, I was like four or five years old living in Simi Valley. Simi Valley. And I was on the 20th. Toilet. Toilet, yep. With my pants around my ankles. Toilet, yep. And the shit started shaking, man. Imagine this. And then you're just, the shit just starts shaking. I come running out of the bathroom, probably with a poop in my cheeks. The shit, the shit starts shaking. Go ahead. And I come running out and the, I really, I remember the chandelier just swinging and making a bunch of noise. Yep. And my mom and my grandmother are standing there laughing at me because I come running out of it. Just, oh man. Because it's your first, but they've been through a bunch. It's my first. I'm like four or five years old. I don't know what's going on. That's like what happened, you know, when grown adults back, you know, a thousand years ago first felt an earthquake. That's probably the same reaction they had. So that was your first. That was my very first. Since then, you've experienced quite a few of them. And then were you here for the Northridge? I was here for the biggest aftershock after. Of the Northridge? Yeah, it was like a couple months after that. Really? Yeah, yeah. I just got out here. I just moved back to LA. Oh, because you were living in Colorado. I was living in Colorado. Got it, got it. I was on the couch and like four or five, five o'clock in the morning. It just, it's, I woke up before the building started to shake. If it sounded like there was a train on the other side of the window. And then. Before the building started to shake. Before the building. And I woke up and I sat up. All of a sudden, everything started to shake. It was crazy. They should wire an internet signal in your ass because obviously you have special powers. If you felt. No, it was. If you felt it before. I heard it. It was just, everything started to shake. It was crazy. How about you, Simon? But you know. Without a rap. Without a rap. Have you felt the fucking. Have you felt the. Tell me about your first earthquake experience in a concise manner. The first earthquake. You've never experienced one. Okay. It was up in Seattle. It was called the Nisqually earthquake. Nisqually. Yeah, I was hanging. I was still asleep. It was like, it was early. It was like 10 in the morning. So I was still asleep. I don't care about the details. What happened to you? What were you thinking? Did your balls shake? Did you shit your pants? Stuff like that. I was thinking, man, I got to remember this because about 10 years from now, I'm going to be on a podcast. No, seriously. The only thing I remember from it is my friend Ubi was in the other room sleeping. We woke up. It was my parents' house. Now this guy's not Jewish. Oh shit. Ubi's not Jewish. He's Persian Jew. Really? He's a half Muslim, half Jewish. His dad's Muslim. His mom's Jewish. Okay, all right. Sound like a rapper. His back's hairy. His front's not as much. He blows shit up, but he feels really bad about it. Don't engage me. Don't engage me. I'm just, this is throw. I try not to. So Ubi. So basically, so Ubs and we woke up and we're like, oh shit, it's an earthquake. And they were like, my grandma. I ran downstairs. My grandma was kind of trembling, but she was okay. You know. That was it? Yeah, that was it. It's behind your laptop. Oh. It's called the earthquake, you know. But there's some crazy shit out there. Yeah. All right, well, so I'm from New York. I've experienced gun shooting. Okay. 1983, First Avenue, 92nd Street, Beek. My first Jamaican experience. He owns a marijuana spot, a Chiba spot. Motherfuckers go in there. In the middle of the street with 38s. Bah! Bah! You motherfucker! I mean, I've experienced all sorts of shit like that in New York City. Never an earthquake, okay? I come out here. The first time it was a slight, slight, ever so slight, like, you know how you're looking somewhere and your peripheral something shakes. It just goes, right? Yeah. I'm urinating. There's a glass divider on the shower. The shower. And I hear it going. And the floor lightly goes like this. And I said, oh shit, was that an earthquake? You know, because you've never experienced it. Right. And I start thinking, you know, what do you do there, right? Like, should I start packing my shit? Do I finish peeing? Right, right. I was naked. I'm like, do I put my clothes on? It's the middle of the day. So anyway, I called my sister. I confirmed that it was a little tremor. Or a trembler, I think they call them. But the last one, March 17th, I was in fucking bed. I just got to bed around 3.30 in the morning. And at 6.24, first of all, I have this full-length mirror leaning up against the wall to my right. So I hear what I now know, in retrospect, serious rambling that sounded like a fucking parade of tractor trailers coming through the right side of my bed. And I'm like, it wakes me the fuck up. And as I wake up, I'm looking to the right, and I'm hearing the really hard sign. I didn't know it was the mirror, right? And I look up. I'm in the bed. And the fucking ceiling is shaking from left to right. Damn. And the fucking bed is going, you know, forward and backwards. I'm like, and I think I must have rattled off about 18 oh my gods in about, well, how long was that? How long was that? Like five seconds? Maybe. Maybe? It always seems a lot longer. Well, I said, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I swear, like 18 times, all right? I didn't know what to do at that point. At that point, right? Because you don't know what the fuck's going on. And the interesting thing, this thing says, when I just read it says, oh no, I thought it said something else. But the interesting thing is that now once you get up, I'm afraid to touch anything. Because I'm thinking if I touch something, it's going to make it start shaking again. It's a weird feeling. Like I didn't even make coffee. I said, I don't want to touch the counter. I don't want to move the fucking, the chairs around the dining room table. Because you think if you touch something, the whole fucking thing's going to start shaking again. It's a bizarre thing. You two fucks, you were sleeping through the fucking shamrock shake. No, no, no, I woke up. That shit woke me up. It woke you up? It woke me up. Yeah, what happened? You just said, ah, fuck it. I woke up and my girl was with me and we like both woke up and we're like. Hey, we're up. Let's fuck. And she's like, what do we do? And I'm like, just chill out. You were like, oh, hey, since we're already up, how about if you suck my balls? Let's fuck. That's not an earthquake, baby. Yeah. Instead of putting a quarter in the bed to make. You vibrate. Let's take advantage of this situation. Okay, okay, okay. So what'd you do? I woke up and she was like, oh, oh, oh. What do we do? What do we do? What do we do? And I'm like, all right, just stay, you know, chill out. You turned into he, man. Chill out. Hold on. Hold on. Because. You have some experience. Yeah. And, you know, I knew not. I don't know. I just, I just felt like it wasn't going to get like, you know, you could tell, I guess. You can't fucking tell, man. Get the fuck out of here. You can't tell. I wasn't what, I wasn't that worried. Okay. Okay. Here's the problem I have with fucking Californians. Okay. These cocksuckers that have been. No, that's because you're from the East Coast. No, no, no, no. That's the problem I have with fucking LA motherfuckers. Everybody from the East Coast has a problem with LA. That wasn't an earthquake. You, you, you, that wasn't. What? You should have been here for the Northridge. First of all, who the fuck is comparing the Northridge to this experience? I'm talking about this experience. I'm talking about an earthquake. That's like getting assaulted by a big Mandingo cock back in 19. 65. But today somebody puts a knife on your throat and makes you suck their dick. And the guy goes, don't worry about it. It's not going to be as bad as the Mandingo cock that fucked you in 1964. What difference? It's two different incidences, man. No, what I'm saying is that just by what my gut feeling was, it wasn't going to be, you know, that crazy. So we just chilled. And you know what? I did the right thing. Right. What's the right thing? Because, uh, on the web, you know, on the earthquake website or whatever, you're supposed to research. You're supposed to. You're supposed to stay in bed. Right. Lay in bed. Put a pillow over your head and all of that. So I was like, hold on. Chill out. Right. Because what I would have done if it, if it seemed like it was shaking even more. You would have got up and tried to run. I would have. No, no, no. We would have laid on the side of the bed. Okay. So you're. Not under the bed, but on the side of the bed. Okay. Because if anything were to crash down. Right. The edge of the bed. Because you, because you subscribe. But that's not what you're supposed to do. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. We're not going to go there right this second, but we can. That's, that's what I've heard. So, so there's, well, there's two different philosophies of how to go about it. There's the drop. What is it? The drop, cover, and. Hold. Yeah. Get underneath. Drop, cover, and hold. Get underneath a sturdy table. Well, listen, your Ikea fucking table isn't going to hold the weight of a big fucking chandelier or something. Well, there's two different schools of thought. The older school of thought is the, the drop, cover, hold on. Right. Which has been taught throughout elementary school since fucking. I love that hold on part. Yeah. Hold on D-O-N. Since the palace. Since the Palestinians have been throwing rocks at the Israelites and back and forth. That's been going on. But then there's this one dude who came out of nowhere and he started this, this new philosophy called the triangle of life, which is what you're referring to, which is if you don't go necessarily under something, but just to the right of it, something that falls on it might hit it and you, and, and, and you'll, there's a, there's a triangle, triangular area or space. Right next to your bed. Right. Or your table or whatever. Because if your bed collapses, you're not under it. But if it collapses, there's, there's a pile of something to stop the compression of whatever's above you to crush you. Right. So that's what I would do. That's what makes sense to me. That's what you would do. That's what makes sense to me. Other people just want to run out of the building. I understand. I understand. But a lot of people got injured by running out of the building with shit falling down on them. Well, the first, the first thing I thought was, okay, and I'll tell you right now, nine out of 10 people do not know. What the fuck to do? Even though they say, well, that's not an earthquake. The Northridge quake was the really big one. Nine out of 10 people do not know what to do. Number one. Number two, nine out of 10 people, and I'm being very, very conservative and probably accurate, do not have an emergency backup survival kit, first aid kit, water, food. Nine out of 10 people don't have that. Okay. Okay. If you listen to the microbiome project, uh, uh, uh, episode, uh, which has episodes, I think nine out of 10 people in LA don't have toilet paper. So forget fucking food for a week or two or whatever. But they got rice milk, rice milk, expired rice milk. A lot of LA citizens don't have enough Botox to get them through a major crisis. They got enough. They got enough silicone. That's hilarious. That's what I love about you. Botox wearing, cockadopolis sniffing, ass eating, brass munching. Non-stop. First aid kit having motherfucker. We having a soul cookout. Anyway. I generally have a plan. When I lived in another building, we had a, we had a hallway between all the, it was a three bedroom place. All right. That's where we would go in there. And there were a couple. That's when it was probably most active. The most active was in 90, 95, 96. There were still aftershocks from, from the Northridge. Right. Right. And well, there's a couple of articles that we read. Uh, one of them is, uh, well, by the way, if you, if you're just tuning in, you're listening to the Nestorius public radio show live, uh, on skid row studios.com. If you want to talk about earthquakes, that's what we're talking about. You can call 1-800-893-9562. Um, if you want to watch us, we have a little button, a live video on the skid row studios.com website on the home site, a homepage on the, on the top. You can check out, check us out and interact with us. You know, I'll simulate the vibration of an earthquake for you so you can see it and what you're supposed to do. But. In all seriousness, you can go to various sites to get information about earthquakes. One of them is called earthquake, uh, earthquake country.info, earthquake country.info forward slash drop cover. Hold on. So that's one of them. And then there's, uh, there's various websites. Uh, you can Google the triangle of life so you can see what the, what we were talking about earlier. But this. Earthquake County, uh, uh, earthquake, uh, country.info will tell you, uh, about the drop cover and hold on, which is the standard, uh, uh, belief of how to protect yourself with an earthquake. Well, first of all, let me, let me explain the, one of the biggest myths is that you need to, you know, run and get in between a door frame. One, if, if, if you read any of these articles, the first thing that they'll tell you is when there's an earthquake, the, the, the ceiling. I got experience. The ceiling will be shaking left and right. The floor will be rumbling. And what's going to happen is you're going to fall down. The first thing that it's going to happen to you, you're going to fall down. And if you might get hurt falling down, that's why the first thing is drop. So when there's an earthquake, the first thing you're supposed to do is drop to your knees. Just, just drop down that way. You cannot be thrown and you cannot fall down and get hurt. So check on that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Get underneath her fucking ass. Do something to cover yourself from something flying and hitting you. Yes. Right? And hold on. So the next thing is to hold on to your shelter, right? Or, in this side it says, or to your head and neck until shaking stops. Protect with your arms and your hands. Protect with your arms and your hands behind your neck and crouch down into like a fetal position. If you're sitting down, you touch your elbows to your knee and you just cover yourself. Because that's the safest. Generally, yeah. That's the safest stance. Generally, the frame is not going to come down. But what will come down is your ceiling. You know, like the, if you have an older building from the 50s, it's going to be that thick. Well, then that's, no, but I'm saying that's where the opinions vary, right? Because the guy, I'm going to give you his name. The guy who comes up with this triangle of life, what's his name? Doug Kopp, C-O-P-P. He, his philosophy is that if the building collapses and everything comes down on you, being underneath a table or anything like that will crush you, like you explained. The table's not going to hold the weight of what's coming down. The philosophy, though, of the drop, cover, and hold on is that most buildings in the United States do not collapse during an earthquake. Right. If you look at the Northridge earthquake, very few buildings. Buildings collapsed. Very few. Just the parking structures in Northridge. Just the parking structures and corners of buildings fell down, but the whole structure did not collapse. So the theory of something collapsing underneath a table, from experience, is not right. If you're in a third world country where you're living in an adobe home made out of clay, chances are the shit is going to collapse and you need to find a pocket, a triangle. Right. But in America, most structures... Most structures will not collapse. Most. Yeah. And it makes sense, too, because it's a lot faster for you to just put a pillow over your head than, you know, if you're in bed, put a pillow over your head than to take the time to get out of bed and find that, you know, triangle of life. Because, like you said, you get out of bed, you could fall down, you might not be able to get to the table that you want to get to. Well, there's different... I see that. There's different opinions. There's different opinions. There's different opinions. Here's the point, at least hopefully of this show today, is that, A, you have some awareness, and I'm being serious now, that you have some awareness. You have some awareness of the dangers involved and that you can prepare. Okay? This is the thing. You can prepare. That's important. You cannot prevent, meaning you can't prevent an earthquake, you can't prevent any harm, you can't prevent that your home is going to fucking collapse, you can't prevent anything. You can't proceed. Right? Which could be, you know, have some extra cash, like safety cash in a can or something. Right? Have your identity... Put it this way. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. My keys are always in the same place in my house. My wallet is always in the same place. When something like this happens, what are you going to do? Are you going to run out? I mean, yeah, you run out naked and whatever, but, I mean, you got to have some sort of preparation. Right? Yeah, and for all you motherfuckers, you're living down in Trenchtown, down in Kingston, living in your mud huts, where you took your rooster feathers. So, yeah, big up. You're banging the phone. Oh. I bang what I feel. It's making fucking noises. I bang what I want. So, preparation, though, is really... You fucking... It's very important. You're a fucking cock. You're a fucking cockhead. What the fuck is wrong with you, mate? I live in a mud hut in Jamaica. All right. Anyway, back to the show. So, yeah. So, preparation. Preparation. A lot of people will say, you should have... You should have enough water for one person for a month. Who the fuck's going to have, you know, gallons of water? Where are you going to store them? Water does expire after a certain time, right? Technically, two years. Anything that's packaged that is ingestible, I think, has to have a two-year expiration date from the time that it's... Right. And you'd want to keep it in glass, probably, right? Not plastic. You're going to keep it. No. No. You got to keep it in... Well, put it this way. Ralph's has five-gallon jars. Jugs of distilled and purified water. Two of those, three of those, four of those. They don't take that much space. They stack up. Yeah, but those aren't going to last. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's better. They're going to be stale. The water's going to spoil. Let me tell you something. You need it in glass. Let me tell you something. A different way of storing it. It depends. It depends. It depends. Okay. If you keep the plastic in sunlight, yeah, it's going to get fucked up. The plastic carbon bullshit is going to go in the water. The PTFE is going to sink into the water. You want to keep the water in a cool, dark... Dry place. It's fine in plastic for two years. But let me tell you something. But just rotate it out, man. You just rotate it out. Right. Right. You drink the water and put new ones in there. Exactly. Exactly. That's how you do it. But here's the deal. Most people don't know. Do you know where your gas line is in your building? No. Okay. Perfect example. Do you know where your gas line is? Muy importante. Muy importante. It's downstairs. Do you have... In your gas line, in your meters, where it goes to your condominiums, do you have a gas shut-off wrench attached? Attached to the valve? It has an automatic... Turn-off. It has an automatic turn-off that if the building shakes... It's called an earthquake switch. Yeah. Yeah. If it shakes violently, then it will automatically shut-off. They all do. They all do. Everyone has that. That's by law in California. But that doesn't shut off the main from the gas coming into your house. So, in other words, there's a disc from the main to your house, right? Yeah. And it looks like it's red. And it's... That's a... That's a... That's an earthquake fitting. So, it'll shut off automatically. But you still have gas coming in. I mean, from there back, there'll be gas. I don't follow. If that's the main gas line into the house, you mean there'll be residual gas in the lines from the earthquake shut-off valve to the house? No. I'm talking about before that. From the earthquake shut-off valve... Oh, before that. Well, there's not much you can do. It's in the ground. Well, yeah. There's not much you can do. Anyway... That's where... That's the inlet. That's the inlet. The point is... You should know where that is. The second thing you should know is where your electrical breakers are. Okay? Because if there's a power outage or there's a broken circuit and you try to turn something on, that could cause a fire. Do not try to heat anything. Do not try to cook anything. Yada, yada, yada. Some of the stuff that's obvious... Don't wear wool socks to bed because, you know, you might actually create a spark when you're shuffling off after the earthquake and you try to touch something and then your whole place goes up if there's a gas leak. But, you know, what else, too, though? Two is just buy some... Buy some... Some of those... What are those? Emergency flashlights that plug into the wall. Those are important. Well, that's the other thing. That's the other thing. So you can see that turn on. You should have... You should have a flashlight next to your bed regardless of an earthquake. The power goes out. I mean, that's something you should have regardless. But definitely a flashlight, first aid kit, right? Bandages. You need band... You know, you need to know how to, you know, cut off a main artery. NPR stickers. NPR stickers. They're good for bandages. Yeah, you don't want to light a Philly after an earthquake. Right, you don't want to light a... You don't want to fuck up a doula. Right. You don't want to fuck up the medulla oblongata because you need to keep that shit for lotta lotta. You know what I mean? Yo, you better store matzah in case it's Passover. If you're Jewish, yeah, for Passover. In case it happens at Passover. Yeah. No, but you need a first aid kit. I mean, do you have a first aid kit somewhere in the house? I do have a first aid kit. Do you have a first aid kit? Nah, man. You have one in the car? You have one in your car? Uh, maybe. Well, stop smoking marijuana. Get yourself a first aid kit. I have a first aid kit from a school bus in my car. You have one in your car, though, right? I have, uh... You should have one in... Actually, I don't have it in my car. It's in my truck because I usually drive my truck, so... Well, you should have one in every vehicle. In both vehicles, yeah. Every vehicle, you should have a first aid kit. You should have a flashlight in your car, and you should have a basic set of tools in your car. And some water. And an AR-15. Just in case these zombies... Some water and a jacket, a pair of pajamas in case you run into that hookah. I don't keep water in the car only because it gets so fucking hot. Forget it. Well, that would be a good place for the glass bottles. Right. Right. Yeah. It's in the car. Right. In the car. But, uh, anyway, okay, so... You want some grenades? Yeah. In case the shit goes down? Yeah. I'm telling you. Okay, so, so, I'm gonna read off some of the stuff from this article that I read called Waiting for the Big One. Um, when does the big one do? Sometime in the next 30 years and as soon as tomorrow. With about 300 large fault lines running beneath it, California is one of the most seismically active parts. of the world and has 37,000 tremors a year. Most are too small to be felt, but seismologists believe a couple of fault lines in particular, including the much-dreaded San Andreas, could trigger a mega-quake similar to the one that flattened San Francisco in 1906, wiping out entire neighborhoods in seconds. Today, geologists say there's a 99.7% chance of a big one of at least magnitude 6.5% of the world's most seismically active parts. The Big One is the largest earthquake in the world, with a magnitude of 5.7 striking California within the next three decades. With Southern California most at risk, fears that a big quake is imminent in Los Angeles were stoked in March when two earthquakes, including a magnitude 5.1 in La Habra, which actually was a week after that fucking, uh, a week, two weeks after that Shamrock shake, believe it or not, and it was bigger than the one, than the one I felt, which was 4.7, including a magnitude 5.1 quake in La Habra, cracked walls. Triggered landslides and sent furniture flying, uh, flying. Sooner or later there's gonna be the big one, says US Geological Survey, which is US But it's La Habra, so who gives a fuck? Size, uh, anyway, you, you were gonna say something, Simon? Uh, I lost my train of thought. Okay, well, when I'm reading something, hold on to that thought, and then, and then when I'm done you can say it, otherwise I can't finish the article. Anyway, how bad would it be? You would see buildings collapse, you'd see people trapped, you'd see roadways, uh, collapse, said Kelly Houston of California. Strippers running down the street. Office of Emergency Services. You'd see widespread destruction under the USGS's crisis scenario for a magnitude 7.8 temblor in Southern California. The soil-filled LA basin would turn into a violently, violently trembling jello, causing major highways and airport runways to buckle, water and sewer pipes to crack, electrical and gas lines to sever, and thousands of fires to break out across the region. Most blazes could then be wiped into a frenzy by the Santa Ana winds, which we just felt the last three weeks, uh, last three days. Fiber optic cables running across San Andreas would be torn apart, and all you motherfuckers wanting to get internet porn would be shit out of luck. Yeah. And infrastructure would take months, if not years, to repair. The hospitals would be swamped by 50,000 unprepared motherfuckers, and at least 1,800 would die. People getting nose piercings would probably get shoved up their nose. Right. Well, you know what blows my mind when you're driving around LA through some of these canyons and stuff? Yeah. Those fucking houses. Is the houses on stilts up at the top. That's ridiculous. Are they crazy? They're crazy. And you know how much those houses cost? You pay more for the fucking imminent danger of having your house slide down one of those canyons. There's more. You pay, you pay three times more times than the times of the house near me, man. Yeah. You know? It's insane. This is, this is my point. It looks like it's gonna tip. It looks like it's gonna tip, but this is my own point of view on the thing. Yes, yes. I'm not saying that I think that they're gonna be okay, honestly. You do. I do. Because, you know, the mountains are a lot sturdier, you know, in the hills. Than the ground. Than the ground. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, like they said in the article, the basin is like jello. Yes, the basin. It's very, very- Not the mountain. But the mountains, and, you know, a lot of the homes in the mountains and stuff weren't affected too much by that because they're pretty solid. They're only affected if there's landslides due to rain and stuff like that. They have their own problems. I hear what you're saying. Your garage is gonna become a landslide. Well, also, also- And for a house that expensive, let me say, you know, I'm sure that they have, you know- They do. Pretty good anchoring in there. The anchoring on those houses, by law, has to be, I don't know how many fucking, you know, 100, maybe 200, maybe 300 feet below bedrock. I mean, they pile all the way down. And then they build up on the stilts. So it's not, it looks like it's that way. I'm with you, Simon, though. You couldn't pay me to live in one of those. I'm sorry. I wouldn't necessarily. I don't see the fucking point. I don't see the fucking point. If I want to see the city- Because the view's amazing. Yeah. If I want to see the view, I'll drive up Mulholland Drive from the Cahuenga Pass, and I drive all the way across at night, and I'll exit on Laurel Canyon, and I'll go home nice and safe. There you go. You get a wonderful view during an earthquake as you slide down the hill. You get to see the whole way down. A wonderful view. Not for nothing, just surf down the canyon in your house. You haven't been here that long, but there was a house on Laurel Canyon that fucking slid. Oh, yeah. And it wasn't that high up. That was due to the mudslides and the rains. That was due to the mudslides and the rains. Yeah, I remember that. It wasn't that high up, and it's still ... Up until two years ago, the fucking crumbled aftermath of the house was still there. All graffitied up and shit. It was like three years, four years they left it like that, right? So for those of you that don't know, Laurel Canyon is a main artery that goes from the south of the Hollywood Hills to the north of the Hollywood Hills through to San Fernando Valley and into Hollywood and back and forth. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, it's a little bit more. So this house ... First of all, who the fuck would want to live on Laurel Canyon? You can barely make a left turn, and you can't get out of your parking lot. There's no sidewalk. You walk out the front door, you can get clipped by a car coming around. Clipped by a car. You better be leaving your house at 11 a.m. and coming back at eight o'clock because you're not getting in. You want to talk about the grace of the universe when I first moved here? I was driving across Laurel Canyon, and I wanted to go south, and I realized I was going the wrong way. Which happens. And in the middle of the fucking canyon, I decide to pull a Yui. I can see you do that, too. Yeah, yeah. I pulled a fucking Yui, and I was being followed, and the person who was following me pulled a Yui as well. Oh, yeah? Pulled a fucking Yui. My wife, Rosemary, she was following me. Oh, okay. She pulled a fucking Yui. Wow. And she was like, you fucking asshole. I'm the idiot because I followed you. You fucking idiot. You know you could have killed us. And I was like, you fucking asshole. You fucking idiot. You know you could have killed us. And you know, rightfully so, after living here for a while, I realized, holy shit, I have never seen an empty ... And this wasn't like at two in the morning. It was miraculous that nothing happened. I'm serious. I'm serious. That's some Need for Speed movies right there. Yo, dude, dude, dude. You go ... I mean, for not one car, but two cars to do that is a little out there. Anyway, let me continue with this article. What about other fault lines, okay? Though seismologists have long dreaded a San Andreas-based quake. Experts now fear that a tremor on the Puente Hills fault line could cause as much, if not more damage. Running from the suburbs of Northern Orange County straight through the densest neighborhoods of the Los Angeles basin, a 7.5 quake on the Puente Hills line would affect millions, including downtown LA's four million residents alone, killing up to 18,000 people, causing $250 billion in damage, and leaving as many as 750,000 households. This is a fault that could eat LA. Anyway, the Puente Hills fault line is the one that caused that fucking La Habra earthquake. That's the one that was followed by the shamrock shake that I experienced. I was in New York when that one happened. Somebody texted me, did you feel the earthquake? No, I'm in New York. Thankfully, because if you had two earthquakes in two weeks, you would have lost your mind. I would have sold the house and I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I would have left. I'm no expert, of course, but I had heard that there is a fault line directly under downtown Los Angeles. There is. Is that the La Puente one? I'm not sure because the La Puente fault line is ... It's about, I don't know, six miles east of LA ... Well, La Habra. I'm assuming, yes, it is. That's the La Puente. There's a fault line directly underneath this ... Right under Skid Row, essentially. It'll be Shake Row. There's a bunch of fucking fault lines. I mean, the San Andreas fault is the biggest one that runs from the north all the way the fuck down pretty much the center of, you know, and crackles around the center of the state of California all the way down to Mexico. Like they all say, it's going to happen. Every article you read, it's going to happen. There's a 99.7% chance that the big one will hit in the next 30 years, right? Right. It could happen in 30 years. It's going to fucking happen. It's going to happen tonight. And it's going to fucking happen. I was just about to shake the table just to give you the sound effects, but I'm not going to fuck around. But, you know, we fucking live here and we live here by choice. It's, you know, so we got to eat that. Well, here's the tradeoff. We got to own that. Here's the tradeoff. We do. We live in an amazing fucking place. I mean, if you're not stuck in traffic, the sun is amazing. You know, it's a nice lifestyle here. Yeah. But the tradeoff is, you know, gunshots, carjackings, and earthquakes. You know what I mean? Well, you could be in Omaha. What's the tradeoff there? Cow manure, old age, Alzheimer's. Anyway, so how has California prepared? Every public building in L.A. has either retrofitted with steel reinforcements or replaced, and hundreds of state bridges and freeway overpasses have been strengthened. However, about 1,500 concrete buildings across L.A. remain unreinforced and therefore vulnerable. Particularly old concrete buildings from the 50s and 60s. Many owners are reluctant to pay up to $100,000 to have them properly surveyed. In the meantime, officials have advised locals to prepare for the big one by storing a first aid kit and a two-week supply of emergency food and water, and by keeping an emergency backpack by the door in case they need to leave in a hurry. In theory, officials could install an early warning system that might minimize, some of the damage and the death toll. But so far, they haven't. But they're working on something like this as we speak now. Japan has one. And basically, they're saying that even with a two- or three-second leeway, right? Because they can, seismologists know, because there's 24-hour, the U.S. Geological Society has seismologists working 24 hours, seven days a week, in various parts of the United States. They're there. That's what they get paid for, right? And they can sense activity. And technically, theoretically, they can send a signal as far as two or three seconds from when they sense, you know, that there's going to be something happening. They know based on, you know, historical records of the seismology reports. And so technically, they say that a two- or three-second leeway could prevent a lot more damage. For instance, they could have the... Mass transit systems, the subways, the trains. They do that in Japan. In Japan, they do it. But they're saying... They should do it here. Well, they're working on that. That's what I'm saying. They could have, you know, a medical... People who are in surgery, they give a warning. To pull the knives off. This guy's going to have a heart transplant. Fuck him. You can't cut him. We got to go. Stuff like that. People give them blowjobs so you can pull the dick out your mouth so you don't get it down your throat. Right. This is L.A. Right. And they're going to get the money for that. And they're going to do something fucking stupid with it. Like, I don't know. They'll, like... Well, what they're saying... They'll give the warning sensors or whatever, the warning system to, like, the studios or the big corporations or something like that. And they're not going to do anything. I think it comes through on your cell phone. Well, a bill... It was passed, but they just don't have the money for it. So, a bill was just passed creating such a system, but the state has yet to raise the $80 million needed to properly fund the project. You know? Yeah. Well, they do have tissues that they're jerking off into, though. Exactly. Exactly. Anyway, so let me... Right after this thing happened, there's another article, 10 Things We Learned From the Earthquake Lady, Lucy Jones, who is a seismologist with the U.S. Geological Survey. So, she was saying that when there's an earthquake, like we talked earlier, do not run. Okay? So, this is somebody who's just breaking this out. And she's basically affirming some of the things that we said earlier, but also some of the educational... Okay. ...preparedness for earthquakes. She says, if you grew up in Southern California, you probably went through duck and cover drills in school. Turns out that advice is still pretty solid, although now they're calling it drop, cover, and hold on. Again, you can Google this, drop, cover, and hold on. Jones says that for many people, their first instinct is to run, but that is actually more likely to land you in trouble. She suggests hiding under a table. We've seen strong tables keep collapsed buildings off of people in earthquakes. But the most frequent... The most common injury in California is from falling objects or trying to run. Hiding under a table prevents both. Oh, and if you have come across that oddly viral triangle of life theory that suggests you don't hide under tables, Jones says the theory has no validity whatsoever. She even offered a photo from the Mexico City earthquake the theory was based on that shows that tables survive that quake just fine. Yeah, but they don't have... They don't have an Ikea down there. Okay, so what do you do? So what do you do in the moments after a bad quake? What you do after... What you do in the moments after a bad quake could be crucial. If you survived falling objects and structural damage, the next thing to worry about is fires. Jones says they're usually caused by electrical problems, like I mentioned earlier, or leaking gas, what we mentioned earlier also. So if the power goes out, check on downed lamps and other items that could spark a fire before the power comes back on. So that's really... That's the issue. So the power goes off, make sure you turn off all of your, you know, lamps, appliances, whatever, because if the power comes back on and there's a broken circuit, that could cause the fire. That's really one of the important aspects of that. Make sure that your water heater is strapped to the wall. You can do that before a quake. You know, it's probably strapped. I've installed one of those. It's not hard. If you smell gas, turn it off. Learn how to use a fire extinguisher after a major quake. The fire department will probably... It's probably going to be too busy to get everyone who needs help. And... Have fresh water for your bongs. Yep. Fresh water for your bongs. Here's something. Texting rather than calling your loved ones... Yeah, that's interesting. ...is your best bet after a big earthquake. Very interesting, right? Absolutely, yeah. So after a big disaster, it will probably be impossible to make a phone call. Side note, all those fucking thousands of dollars you're paying for 9-11 surcharges on your fucking phone, they're to jerk off fucking bong devices for all your politicians because they're not going to be used for any kind of emergency fucking cell phone tower. Essentially, yeah. Essentially, what you're paying for is for the 86 fucking percent of calls that call in a bullshit thing. Right. He didn't bring me my right pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's ridiculous. That's what you're fucking paying for. It's ridiculous because after 9-11, you have to pay all these taxes on your fucking cell phone bill. Ridiculous amounts of money. What is it? I don't get it. What is what? The 9-11 tax. Look it up on your cell phone bill. Just tell us. What is it? I can't tell you because it's it's it's there's not just one surcharge. There's a bunch of surcharges for 9-11. Yes. 9-1-1 when you call the emergency services. Oh, you said 9-11. I thought you meant like September 11th. I was tracking you, but then you lost me there. After September 11th. Oh, OK. There was additional taxes. Oh, OK. Packed on to all utilities, not just fucking the cell phone bills. They don't call them 9-11 surcharges per se. But there are. There are extra fucking communication surcharges. And it's supposed to go to, you know, improving the communications in the event of a major catastrophe. It's going down, man. And so what's happening is that most likely you're not going to be able to make any calls. So what they're saying is Jones says if you need to get in touch with someone, tax take less bandwidth and they're more likely to go through. But Jones is working on a plan with the city to understand what the most. What the most likely failure points will be so we can work to fix them before the earthquake. So basically, you have all these cell phone towers. And if some of them are down, that's going to decrease the amount of bandwidth that you're going to be able to fuck with. So. So. So. So telephone calls are probably going to be nonexistent. Whereas. Whereas text. Well, I don't know this, but do those cell phone towers directly communicate with the satellites or are they all kind of because like they were saying that the L.A. Jello Basin. Right. Is. You know, the fiber optics are just going to be cut. So if all those are your cell phone is not going to work anyway. So it's something to, you know, fiber optics. Fiber optics is is is is pretty much how all of our telecommunications infrastructure are. Right. Right. Fucking unless you have a satellite phone. So no internet. No internet. Right. And maybe not even cell phone. So. So. So. So. So your your your question is, are those cell phone towers independent on their own that do each each cell phone tower? Are they independent? Talking. You know, communicating with satellites overhead or. That's an interesting question. Or is there a central satellite station and all of this, all the towers communicate through fiber optic lines? Because if that's the case. I don't think so. I don't think so. You know, I don't think so. Because all I don't see a dish. I just see. My guess is this is my guess. But your point is a very interesting one, because what you're saying is that if each one of those independent cell towers are connected to each other by fiber optic lines. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. From that point on, there's no electricity. Right. Right? So what you're saying is interesting, and it warrants a little bit further investigation. But what I'm understanding of the cell phone towers is they amplify the satellite signal. In other words, so the satellite signal is there, a tower receives it, and each one of those amplify that signal to... But it also has to send. To the area, yes. It also has to send. That's my understanding of it. But, you know, you're the fucking wizard. That's just my question, so that's what I would look up. Well, we should look that up because that's interesting. That's a very interesting question. I'll do that over a burger at D-Town, yo. Yo, yo, yo. D-Town, motherfucker. The juiciest burgers, unless that other man's working. Yeah. So, anyway, I mean, there are illustrations on a lot of these sites. As to what to do during an earthquake. The other thing that I read was do not drop, cover, and hold on near an exterior wall. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What they say is, so, for instance, if there's anything more likely to collapse in a building or a house, it would be the exterior walls, right? The interior walls are the safest, okay? Because they're low. Load-bearing, essentially. Right, correct. So, what you would want to do is you'd want to drop, cover, and hold closest to an interior wall if you don't have a table or if you're not in bed. Again, if you're in bed, you're probably safe because you don't have to drop. You're already laying. But you cover yourself. So, no mirrors over your head. No fucking glass over your head. You know, they do sell earthquake putty, which you put underneath your lamps and all this other shit. Any kind of place. My bed is made out of earthquake putty. Yeah. So, if there's a rumble, I'm good. Right, right. Because I'm stuck in bed. It holds in place. Building collapse is less of a danger. While images of collapsed structures and earthquakes around the world are frightening and get the most attention, from the media, most buildings do not collapse at all. And few completely collapse. In earthquake-prone areas of the U.S. and in many other countries, strict building codes have worked to greatly... greatly reduce the potential of structure... structure collapse. However, there is the possibility of structural failure in certain building types, especially unreinforced masonry. Brick buildings. And in certain structures constructed before the latest building codes. That's what we said before. Rescue professionals are trained to understand how these structures collapse in order to identify potential locations of survivors with survivable void spaces. Anyway, you know, I think that... I think that... There's a lot of... There's a lot of information. We can't really tell you every single thing. No one knows when the fuck the next big one's going to be. You just need to do your own due diligence and find out what information is out there and what information is out there that pertains to you and your specific situation. Because you own a house is a different scenario than if you live in an apartment. Here's another thing, though, that I was reading that it was, I guess, mandated and it went through and it all happened. But all of the public buildings in Los Angeles... They've been retrofitted. There's like 1,500 buildings in Los Angeles. But they're public buildings. Right. They're like a library. Right, right, right. All the places you're not going to go. They're operated by the government. Right. You know, maybe if you're paying a fucking traffic ticket or you're in court for a fucking... All the places that you're not going to be during the earthquake. Those are all... But if you're living in a fucking building that's built in the 1950s and 60s... You're shit out of luck. And you're paying fucking slumlord... Right. You're paying some slumlord... Right. They don't have to. That's some bullshit. They don't have to disclose... Well, they don't have to disclose if they've done... And they don't have to do it because it costs like about $100,000. At least. But that's fucking bullshit because that's not for the people. I mean... Where the fuck are you 80% of the time? My house was built in 1946. Mm-hmm. Okay? Yeah. What they had back then was earthquake... They had... What do they call it? Anchor. So, in other words, the house is built on concrete posts, right? Underneath. It's wood. It's a wooden structure. Mm-hmm. All structures in LA are wood for the most part except these big concrete office buildings unless they're brick and mortar buildings. Right. But most of them are made out of wood so that they can absorb shocks and sways and whatnot. But they have to be built on some sort of a concrete foundation, some sort. And they also have to have some sort of steel cable like girder support to prevent the thing from collapsing. Right. If that makes sense. So, it's kind of tension. It's holding that and it's holding... It holds the square together. It holds the square together. Yeah. So, that's by inspection by law has to be for any building even back then because it's basic. Mm-hmm. But that doesn't prevent the building from collapsing. Who knows? How long... How old are your fucking center beams? Do they have termites? When's the last time you inspected them? Right. You know, how strong are your joists? That's a house. If you live in a building, you have other things to contend. If you live on the top floor, chances are you're better, you know... Oh, yeah. Chances are... You'll surf down. Right. The neighbor below you is going to get fucked before you do. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, boy. But you shouldn't... You shouldn't have had your music up so late. Yeah. Cock. Yeah. So, it's a very interesting... Interesting to note that now Home Depot and Lowe's... Yeah, that's right. ...sells... I'm going to go buy a couple of those motherfuckers very soon. Well, put it this way. Costco, if you have a membership at Costco... Yeah. They sell one-month, three-month, and six-month supplies. They're already built in packets with first aid kits, water, dry goods, right? Because canned goods also survive years, like canned beans, whatever the fuck chili can carnate, whatever the fuck that stuff is. You can save it, but you need to save a can opener with that. So, those are things that you would want. You would have a can opener, bottle opener, stuff like that. Just, you know, chances are you're not going to need a whole month's worth. Right. You're not going to need that because within a week or two, you'll be able to find, you know, somebody to suck your cock for a burger or something. Let me throw this out there. Throw it out. Just really quick, though. Throw it out. Because if you have all that shit and your gas is turned off and you need some hot water to fucking cook some of this shit... Right. No. Right? No. That ain't going to happen. No. But here's the thing. Right. And I'll tell you that this is what I did personally. If you have a house that collapsed, take some of that wood and fucking burn it. And burn that shit. And create a fire. No, here's the thing. Go to 99 Ranch Market. 99 Ranch. 99 Ranch Market. That's on Van Nuys, right? That's on Sepulveda and Victory, right on the corner there. Okay? Check this out. The Vietnamese fucking supermarket. Yeah. Asian, Chinese, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they got these little burners. Right. The Bunsen burners. Dude, they're 15 bucks. 15 bucks or 25 bucks for the burner. Right. And it's two bucks a can for the... For the sterno. Dude, I bought four bottles of the sterno... Yeah. Of the propane and this little... Oh, it's the propane, not sterno. No, it's propane. Oh, nice. It's a propane thing. It's a real stove. Nice. It's a little mini stove. For 15 bucks. Comes in a case. It's like 15 or 25 bucks. I forget. But... That's how the Viet Cong beat the shit out of the Americans. Yeah. In the rice paddies. They had those fucking things. Well, they're not going to go out there without the rice cooker, man. And now they're killing you. But shit, man. Seriously. Go get one of those. Because I bought one of those and my next step is going to go buy one of those... I don't think I'm going to do the Costco thing. I'm going to go buy the two-week backpack thing so I can just grab that shit and go. Right, right, right. Because that... You need a gun, though, dude. You need a gun because this is LA. Because I want a gun already, so... Yeah, but you know once the earthquake hits, everyone's going to start looting. Call her? We got to call her? Oh, shit. Well, we got two minutes. Yeah, you're going to call her. Yeah, we got two minutes. Hello? Well, I just wanted to say that I think that, you know, you didn't address something with the earthquake situation, which I thought may be relevant, which is global warming, which some also... That's another episode. We don't have the time for that one. But it also equates, you know, the shifting, the ice melting, the shifting of pressure from the hot earth. Yeah, we don't have time for that. I mean, there's also the fracking. There's also the fracking opinions and all that. I'm talking about earthquakes. All right. Right. Have a good night. But there's also opinions about fracking causing earthquakes and stuff like that. That's another... We only have about a minute. That's a good point, though. That is a good point. It's a great point. It's a great point. It's just that we only have a minute and a half. Yeah, I mean... I just want to wrap this up. There's global warming. There's the heat in the studio during the episode. Yeah, during our show. There's a lot of warming going on. Yeah. Well, thank you for calling. Really appreciate it. Thank you. We love you. We love you. We love y'all. Thank you. So, no, that's a very interesting point, but it's a minute before the show, so I just want to wrap it up. Yeah, so Home Depot and Lowe's, Home Depot and Lowe's has those backpacks which have a week supply for one person, first aid kit, water, bandages, all this other stuff. So if there's an earthquake, head to Lowe's, loot the fuck out of that store, grab as many as you can. You do need to grab a gun because, as Bill Burr said, if you're collecting all the supplies and stuff like that for when shit turns loose... Right. Bill Burr. ...you need a gun because all you're essentially doing is collecting stuff for the toughest guy on the block. Right, Bill Burr. But here's the deal, here's the deal. Don't drink the pool water. That's the first thing you need to do. Summertime is coming. There's a lot of little black kids that are jumping in your pool, even though you don't see them, and they're shitting and urinating in your pool. So don't drink the pool water no matter what happens. Make sure you have enough water for you, your spouse, and your friends, a couple of... Five gallons per person per day. At least a week's worth. A week's worth of that. Make sure you get that. Not five gallons per person per day, dude. Listen, check us out on skidrowstudios.com. Listen to us live every Thursday from 9 to 10 p.m. iTunes, Nestorius Public Radio. Subscribe to the fucking show. Tell people about it. We're not only coming up with some wacky shit, but we got some information. You know what I'm saying? You might lose something. Fuck off. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up. Let it up.