Psychology of BDSM, sad vagina, and upcoming guests

Awesome. Oh, hi. Hi. Welcome to the Love Byte. Welcome. Welcome indeed. I'm Insidious Muse. And I'm Service Slut. You are. I am. I really, really am. Okay, so I'm warning you that we are in really weird moods. I don't know how else to put it. It's very strange because we, like, we never know. You know, I go, I pick up Mistress. We are on our way to the studio. And you just never know what our moods are going to be like, what the show is going to be like. We know what the topic is going to be. But we just have no control over how it's presented, except that we're going to try our best to not let it be. Let the wackiness interfere too much. What? With, I don't know. You're talking crazy. I don't know. It's just me trying to be professional. But what the fuck do I know? Professionals get paid. This is true. I ain't getting paid. So we're allowed to be wacky. That's what I'm saying anyway. Yes. And we're wacky, but we're not crazy. Well, right. Which is the point of the show. The point of the show. The point of today's show. That's funny. Because I can't promise you I'll be crazy some other time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So we're going to talk about the psychology of BDSM from, you know, non-professionals. At some point, we hope to actually have a professional on. Right. But you and I are not, we're not mental health professionals. So, well, hey, no, no, no. Well, we're not mental health professionals. So we're just presenting the information that we've gathered. And also just because we, that's just the nature of our show. We have a lot of opinions and we like to talk about what they are. So if at any point in time, you hear something, something that, you know, maybe you know something about, you want to offer your insight, you can feel free to call and our phone number is 800-893-9562. And so, yeah. I would really rather them tweet us. Well, that too. So they can tweet us. They can tweet me. Thanks for these. And I'm at Insidious Muse. Please tell me you know how to spell insidious people. Please. Because I have this belief that kinksters are smart. Wicked smart. And if you're not, you know, I have sadness in my heart right here. I don't know why I thought you were going to say that you had sadness. I have sadness in your vagina. Why would I have sadness in my vagina? I mean, I do have sadness in my vagina. It is a sad, sad vagina. Thank you though. Because now I'm going to be all sensitive about my sad vagina. No. Fuck. No, no. Okay, now I'm depressed. No, stop it. Stop. No, trust and talk about psychology, BDSM. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. So, you know, we talked about this before and we're talking about it again. Now. And I like wrote a little blog piece about it and we read some shit. So that's why we're talking again now. Do you like that? You're not allowed to do that when I'm like mid drink. Is that like the best sentence ever spoken? I told you, I warned everybody. I warned people. We're in weird moods. Okay. I guess what, you know, I think when we talk about the psychology of BDSM, I think we, you know, at the core, it's why are we doing the things that we do? Why are we wired this way? Why does X make me feel Y? And I think that, you know, a lot of it, I mean, for as much, as many facts as we'll spew out and as many, you know, different professionals out there have, there are different opinions. I think a lot of it boils down to being self-aware, knowing yourself, getting to know yourself and accepting that that is a continuing process. I don't think you ever really finish getting to know yourself because you're, constantly growing. You're constantly being exposed to all these different things. Right. Would you agree? Yes. I agree. I agree. But then that means our show's over. And according to the clock, we have 53 minutes left. So what the fuck? And that doesn't fucking help me. No, I know. Fucking, fucking, fucking fuck. I'm sorry. I'm feeling very profane today, which is not necessarily different from any other day. But, and I also want to use fuck because it is the Mary Poppins of words, practically perfect in every way. You can use it for everything. So I'm going to use fuck a lot. Yes. Which will be part of the defining characteristic of why I'm not insane. And I'm not insane because I'm doing it quite intentionally. It's not Tourette's. I know I'm saying these things and I want to say them. So I want to highlight that. So clearly our mood is not good to prove that we aren't crazy. I just want to point that out. However, we read and we have read really smart people talk about this and we can talk about what they wrote. What? Don't look at me like that because I'm fucking way like, I'm looking at you that way because I'm wondering what's going to come out of her mouth next. What is going to happen? I'm watching a train wreck. No, we're not watching. Okay, so here's the deal. Most of the longstanding psychological, professional psychological beliefs is that people that engage in BDSM do so because of some old life scar in their life. They were mistreated. They have some sort of deep-seated emotional issue which has therefore resulted in this kind of skewed off behavior that a normal sane person would never participate in. You were abused as a child. You were raped. You were, you know, anything of these are very, very typical. Abandonment issues, et cetera, et cetera. So, you know, whatever. The truth of the matter is that can't fly in the face of any sort of actual psychological data for various reasons. Number one, it's very difficult to get people within this subculture to actually speak up because it's a subculture and we're very wary of the, you know, the people that walk out in the sun. I mean, come on. How many of us use fake names with other people? Right, right. Not you, Nancy. No. Not you at all. Nope, that's on my birth certificate. But my point is that, so the data can't necessarily be quantified. But beyond that, how many people in the grander scheme, have been molested as a child, have been abused, have been raped, have abandonment issues, have, you know, some sort of, you know, horribly traumatizing events in their lives and are not kinky? I'm gonna say it's gonna be a larger percentage than those that actually are kinky. So therefore that disproves it with all of the data that I just said, because there was no data. All of the data that I just said there. And I'm using hands like Vanna White. You can't see that because it's radio, but I am. Sometimes we do this. We're not doing this. We're not doing this. We're not doing this. We do this just to entertain ourselves. I swear. Just keeping that real. But no, so my point is that, that can't be an accurate statement of fact. And people go on witch hunts for like, well, I'm gonna prove why these people do it. And they have a preexisting, you know, belief. They have a bias. And so they seek things that confirm their bias, which is called confirmation bias. And we get our biases confirmed every day, depending on what it is. And one of my biases that I get confirmed every single day, is that people that drive SUVs are assholes. And every single day I get it confirmed. And I've come to the conclusion because it's not a bias, it's a fact. So there you go. So, but that's different bias altogether. Yeah. There is the people that wield whips are crazy. And they wish, oh, 50 shades of gray. Ah. So the dude in it, the Christian dude, it ends up that, you know, he only beats women that look like his crack whore mom that abandoned him. And you know, right, well, that's fucked up. And it's kind of irritating that the only reason he would participate in this, the only reason he would ever want to be a dominant is so that he can take out these deep-seated pains that he experienced when he was four years old upon, you know, women that look, physically look like his mother. I mean, come on. That's, I mean, how many people have you seen? Yes, there are people that date the same person over and over again. We all know that. I mean, and that's even in the vanilla world. And hell, they're fucked up, whatever. But how many people in our kinky world who have multiple subs or had multiple subs that actually look, you know, like, actually look the same? I mean, we're a very diverse group. So it doesn't necessarily work like that. But that's very simplistic because it's a very simplistic book. All right, you need to say something about it because I'm just digging a hole. Yeah, you are. I'm fisting this hole, bitch. That's what I'm doing. I think that, you know, I can't, I don't know what it's like for a D-type. I don't. And somebody, and a friend of ours tweeted something this, this week about how she could never be a dominant. It's a lot of hard work. It's a lot of hard work. Right. But just as I can only imagine, of course, how much work it is, this is submissive. There is a lot of work that goes into it too. Not just like the, I'm sorry, are you laughing at me? Oh, oh, please continue because I was laughing at a tweet and I said I wouldn't do that. Okay. You're not laughing at me. You can go. Somebody just tweeted, sad vagina is now in your face. Okay. Is that your new band name? Sorry, that's funny. We're professionals, people. Go on with your really important thing that you were saying. I'm going to shut the fuck up. Well, I think, you know, on the outside of the submissive, you know, okay, so I'm going to kneel at your feet. I'm going to wash your dishes. I'm going to do this stuff. I'm going to do this physical stuff. And that, yes, that, all of that. Aren't you glad it's Radio Land and you have no idea what I just did? Yeah. Now you're distracted. Yes. by your student to not be sad vagina. Right. That's going to happen this week, by the way. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Anyways, so on the outside, you know, you have those qualities. You know, you have that person that is, you know, can balance a tray on one hand and, you know, do all of these things that really are, you know, for the comfort of their D type. But on the inside, there's a lot more. There's a lot more. You know, you have to balance intimacy. Intimacy. You have to balance honesty, compassion. All of these things that are just kind of, even though it's not obvious from the outside, with your actions, it shows. You can tell a very needy submissive that is just, you know, jealous and possessive of their D type from someone who's just like, well, no, this is my role. This is who I am. This is who I am in relation to my dominant. But that doesn't make, they're not, you're not mine. I'm pointing to, I'm pointing to Mr's. So you're not mine. Right. I'm yours. Right. That right there is a one-way street. Right. But, you know, there's so much that goes up in here. I'm pointing to my head. To keep. To keep. What? Stop. Mystery Science Theater 3000 podcast. Okay, cool. What I'm trying to say is that the act itself. That's the reward. Okay. Getting to serve. Getting to, getting to be there. Having that opportunity to do whatever it is that you ask of me. I think that's at the core of a submissive. And to say that, you know, to say that, hey, you know, someone was abused or they had this really bad thing happen to them or they have some sort of deficit and that's why they have to do that. Well, shit, I have to drink water if I like have anything with tapatio on it because I am a broken Mexican and I can't have anything spicy. You sure are a broken Mexican. What the fuck? I can't eat some of my cooking. But then there's also those of us who we drink all the water we want because we fucking want to. Oh, hey, I remember that. Somebody said that. Right? Remember the water one? Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm getting drugged up. And that, that, that sticks with me. That, that totally sticks with me is that it, you know, there's that difference between it being on a situational basis rather than because it is what it is. Right. Well, I believe very, very. Very strongly that people are, are dominant or submissive and are so pretty much from birth. It's like, you know, it's very born this way, in my opinion. I have not met a person that I've actually gone into kind of their kinky journey and, and they don't recall when they start becoming kink aware or sexually aware, being able to look back on their life and realize, wow, there are these things that I did that clearly make me kinky. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. This is, you know, this is a dead horse that I've been beaten for a while because it's, it's, I think it's very true. Whether there's data to support it or not is, is going to be near on impossible. Again, there's not, there's data on both sides to support it, even in the homosexual community. So again, it's, it's controversial and I'm even being more controversial because now I'm all subculturing it. But it's, for me, when you're a true submissive, you do it because that's what your heart tells you to do. When you're a true, a true dom, you do it because it's who and what you are on the inside. And one of the things, like for me, there's a huge difference between dominance and domineering. And you can be a domineering asshole. It doesn't mean you're a dominant. Because being a dominant means that you have to, you really have to look outside of yourself. You're no longer, it's not about you. My dominance is not about me. It's about you. She's pointing. She's pointing at me. I'm pointing. It's about you people out there. No, it's about, it's about, you know, Nancy. Because I, I have to make sure that I'm taking care of you. That's my job. And when the friend said it, I, I agreed with her wholeheartedly. It's a tough fucking job, you know? And if, if it were a, if it were a choice, if it were something, I could go to a therapy for to correct myself because I had some sort of wrong in my life. And, and because my daddy left when I was young, I feel abandoned. And this is now how I'm behaving. Because I was abused when I was married. This is now how I'm behaving. If those are all true statements, then why wouldn't I just go to therapy and get fixed? Because I chose the harder of the two. I, if I, for a choice, fuck, I'll be submissive. Whatever. Hell, I have a high pain tolerance. Beat the fuck out of me. Whatever. It doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean anything to me. I had C-sections without fucking drugs. Other than during the actual surgery. What the fuck? After the surgery. There were no drugs. None. I didn't take a single thing. I didn't take a fucking Advil. So pain is nothing. It means nothing to me. But I don't want to submit. I have no desire to submit to somebody because that's who I am. That's my heart. And I don't think that that has anything to do with any of the wrongs that have happened in my life. Any of the psychological, psychological, because I'm smart. Fuck. Sorry, people. Any of the psychological things that have happened that have formed the person that I am, I think that my heart and the fact that I have a dominant heart is what formed me continually to be who I am what now, what I am now. If I had never discovered a kinky community, I would probably be a ball-busting wife. Probably. Let's be honest. But I did discover the kinky community. And so it's like, oh, I like this because it's so much better than I can be a ball-busting wife for real with canes. And CBT and other things. Anyway. Or not be a wife at all because, again, why would you do that? I might have commitment issues, which is separate from my psychological things. Shut up. Don't give me the look. It has nothing to do with my dominance, goddammit. Point being, oh, goddammit. She's giving me the look, people. Tell her to stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not giving you the look. I'm just wondering if you'll, well, no, never mind. No, no, no. True. We could talk. If you want to talk about this, fine. I don't have a problem. Open book-ish. There's some things that I won't talk about. Okay. So. I think that, well, it's strange because, like, I hear you talking about it. And, like, there's, we're complex people. I can't talk about other people. But you and I, we're fucking complex people. You know, we have different things going on. And I think we're definitely, well, to a degree, we are a product of our environment. But I think also you're dominant. My submission, I think what makes it what it is, is who we are as a person. You know, I'm compassionate. I care about other people. I want other people to be happy. And that has a lot to fucking do with my submission. Like, I can't separate those things. I can't separate who I, if I'm introducing someone to myself that is vanilla, I can't separate who I am in that realm from who I am in our kinky world. I can't do it. I'm that, I think that, you know, being kinky is a part of my whole person. And it's, I think before it was a lot easier to compartmentalize things, to have everything in its separate boxes. But as I've gone through this whole journey of, like, self-discovery, it's, they're not separate. They're not separate. I mean, sure, I mean, that the socializing may be separate, that, you know, practical ideals of it. Yeah, but the truth is the more that you, that we, even as individuals, delve into kind of this kinky world, the community, we spend less time with our vanilla friends because we have less in common. Because what, what was, you know, a tiny seed is now growing and taking up so much space in ourselves that it becomes difficult for us to really make room. You know, we, at some point we need to let the, the, the seed grow into something much larger, which will end up taking over all of us. And I don't think that's a bad thing. Obviously we have to live in a vanilla world. Living in a vanilla world. Come on, come on. Just saying. Uh-huh. Because sometimes we have to live in a vanilla world. Well, no, I mean, that can't. We can act vanilla, but, because I mean, it's, it's not like we're walking around wearing corsets, wielding whips all the time. Mm-hmm. It's just not how it's happening. But it's one of those things where you wear your collar all the time. I do. You know, and people think it's beautiful. It's much better than the dog collar. Though the dog collar did a whole lot for my, just like, I don't know. It had a different feel. This is, this is still, the collar that I'm wearing right now is, is very much everyday. The other one was like, I don't know. There was something, there's just, the energy is very different. It should be. It's very, very different. It should be. I could still throw an ugly dog collar on you sometimes and pull you around. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's gonna make me blush. You're already flushed. I don't know. I'm gonna hide behind the mic now. Don't make me make comments about the mic. We discussed it. No, my God. Stop it. I'm just saying, if you hide behind the mic, I'm gonna have to make comments about the mic. Because, you know. Anyway. What were we saying? I don't remember. No, I think it would, and I think it would also be a disservice to ourselves to say that fulfilling this role. This role of being who you are, whether it be a D-type, an S-type, a slave, what have you. Top, bottom, just a fucking random gangster. Sure. I think it would be a disservice to us to say that it doesn't meet some needs. You know? Right. The needs that we can't get met in our vanilla world. Right. You know, you have that type A, you know, executive who has all of this responsibility in their day-to-day job and just has all of these pressures. Right. And then, you know, at night or on the weekends. Right. They can be their submissive self. And it. Or they're wearing a cock cage under their business suit. Yes. And all of these things provide a release. Right. It's a release. And it, I mean, it can vary. It can be something that it helps you release stress. It can help, it helps you just feel connected with the real you. Yeah. But it, there's definite, there's a change there. There's something that happens in your mind where, where the moment that, for that, that guy, that, you know, cock cage goes on or, you know, whatever other kind of fantastic things that, you know, would be happening to him. There's something that changes. Or a butt plug goes in you. That, that, yeah, that too. What? Butt plug. But yeah, there's, there's something changes. And we can't ignore that. Right. I agree. Well, a couple of the things that, you know, there's some more. believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe issue, things in, let's say, what was it for? It was anxiety. Anxiety for submissives was a little bit higher. But upon further investigation, when they asked the questions in a non-BDSM manner, and then in a BDSM manner, the anxiety was only high in their BDSM world. And the question was why? Well, it wasn't a question, but the opinion looks to be, and in my opinion, it looks to be that a lot of the behaviors that a submissive has, that they do, can come off as an appearance of anxiety, fear, you have the racing heartbeat, et cetera, which is all a component of anxiety. And from a D type, we loves that. He loves us a little frightened sub. And so I think that it's more kind of a social Darwinism reaction where that behavior in the S type becomes heightened because they know that it's a little bit higher. And so I think that it's more kind of a social Darwinism reaction where that behavior in the S type becomes heightened because they know that it pleases their D type. And so they may not necessarily be that anxious in real life, but when they're coming to a place in our area, even though they know they're incredibly safe, they still get that rush because it's also another part of the gift of submission. They're still giving in that moment. I remember that one time that you pulled out a knife. It was awesome. Oh my God, I did not expect that. No, you didn't. It was fantastic, and I'd love to do it again. I need more knives. I do, I need more knives. I only have a few. More knives. And one of them I won't use because it fucking slices when I just pull it out of the box. Oh, well, so... Like full lots of blood, like scalpel. I was like, ow, okay, I'm going to put you back in the box. I will not use you now. Right. So for me, I mean, that's kind of the social Darwinistic component for subs acting in anxiety. For the D types, they ranked higher in histrionicism and narcissism. So for those... I mean, I'm not the only one that don't know. I mean, everybody knows what narcissism is, but being histrionic, it's from, you know, to be an actor, to be a performer on the stage. And it's for people who... Technically, histrionicism is for people that seek attention by being flamboyant and being, you know, just over the top and being performers. And they appreciate the limelight and all that kind of stuff, which I think speaks to many D types, especially performers. And we know a lot of professional D types. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's still social Darwinism, that this behavior, the sense of narcissism, the sense of superiority, the sense of, you know, showmanship, it's absolutely cultivated in D types. It's absolutely encouraged. You know, when you're playing in public, you know, who are you going to watch? Are you going to watch Mistress Melissa, who is like in her cool shit? Or are you going to watch, you know, a very intimate needle scene, which is fine, but it's not showy. Right. You know? It's just not the same. So, you know, you kind of... You're like, oh, well, I want people to watch me. So you get... It becomes cultivated. It's encouraged and therefore ends up being enhanced. That's my opinion. I find that, I mean, I don't know if arrogance is the right word, but I find that dominants who have a healthy dose of it, as in like, you know, not so much that makes them a douche and you really just want them to shut the fuck up. But just enough. Just enough. Just enough so that the submissives like me that look at them, we're like, I'm going to fawn over you because you're so awesome. Right. And you're so great. And I just want to... What? You are everything. Yeah. And the truth is, in reality, you know, when it's a show, that kind of narcissism and histrionicism is like, wow. But if they come off and they're still kind of like that, you're like, whoa. Too much. You're a fucking douchebag. You know, because we know these people, like personally. And we're like, God, you were a douchebag. But then there's those that come off and then they have that touch of humility. Yeah. And they're genuinely grateful when they receive compliments. And they're nice people. And you're like, wow. I likes you. You're a cool person. Yeah. Not only are you super fucking talented and all this shit, but we can talk like people. Which it's funny because, I mean, that's the kind of person that you could submit to. Yes. As opposed to just play with. Yeah. You know that they are still, they're real people. They are human just like everyone else. They're flawed. And they know it. Right. I think someone who is not, who just cannot accept that they have any flaws. That's a huge fucking flaw I don't want to deal with. Right. Well, and that's, again, that goes to self-awareness. To what you, your very original point is that about self-awareness. That number one, it takes a certain amount of self-awareness to even expose yourself to this lifestyle. And then beyond that. To grow and continue and to not, not to hit some sort of imaginary ceiling. You have to expose yourself to where your vulnerabilities are and where your flaws are. We all have them. And the truth of the matter is we all have good days. We all have bad days. And life is a series of ebbs and flows. And everybody has, you know, the goods and the bads. And awareness of that makes the human being, whether they're a D type or an S type, more appealing. Yeah. You know, when I see someone take responsibility over themselves, whether it's a submissive or a dominant or what have you, it makes me respect them a lot more. Yeah. A lot more. You know, you have that submissive that's like, I'm flailing and I don't know what to do. And like, what? No. Yeah. A lot of that. A lot of that. Okay. But see, you know. I'm not giving you a look. Okay. I'm glad because I was whining yesterday. But look, I was sick. So fucking whining. It was bad. But she was sick and it was okay. So I sent her home. But yeah. So, you know, when I see someone taking personal responsibility over things like that, you know, you don't have to be flailing. You don't have to be that submissive that doesn't know jack shit. You can educate yourself. Right. You can do that. And I think to a degree, you know, actually, no, no, no, no, no. To maybe an even larger degree with a dominant because, you know, you have a submissive. You have a submissive or a plate partner who's putting themselves in your hands. They're trusting that you're capable. Which, which minor, minor soapbox. I'm just going to step up on a teensy, teensy tiny soapbox right now. And that is that the amount of educational experience out there for submissives is enormous. E-fucking-normous. If you want to learn about how to be a submissive, about the submissive mind, about the submissive journey from the psychological perspective, from the physical perspective, it's there. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. And when it's out there, I read it and I'm like, who the fuck are you? What the fuck is in your head? Do you think? Because it's not, there's no depth. There's no understanding. I mean, if you want to be a good D-type, you have to seek this shit out deep. And generally, you've got to ask somebody. And I don't understand this. Are D-types, it really irritates me. Is there just such a horrible perception of dominance? That we don't need help or we don't seek out help? That's fucked up. We should always be learning. And there's always somebody better at anything that you do. Always. I don't care what the fuck it is. I can look at some of my skills and be like, no, I'm the shit at that. I'm fucking awesome. I am the best I can be at that. And guess what? There's somebody better than me. Period. So it's irritating to me that people would sit out there and be like, either from the D-type, well, I'm it. I'm the top of my game. And I don't need any help. Which I know is bullshit. Because as soon as they say that, that's fucking bullshit. And then there's the S-type out there. It's like, well, I don't know what to do. Really? It's everywhere. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. It's everywhere. There's no excuse. All right. So I'm back off my soapbox. What were we talking about? Responsibility. We were talking about responsibility. Oh, so that kind of works. I worked it in there. No, no, no. Of course. Absolutely. You know, and I think that, again, when I think about a dominant, I'm really just shooting blind. I'm not going to say it openly because I don't have that know-how. But I have the know-how of a submissive. And I think it's a submissive's responsibility to look out for the red flags, to look out for those things that, hey, you know what? Maybe that's not quite right. You know? Or, hey, maybe I'm not in the right mindset. There's something off. It's not just the submissive's responsibility. It's the dominant's responsibility. And both people need to be looking for red flags left and right. Because human beings are inherently flawed. And we are often our own worst. Or our own worst. And we're judged for whichever way. Maybe our self-perception is off. We aren't fully aware of our own flaws and our own issues. That is very, very common. And so, you know, you can have a cerebral negotiation with somebody and you don't know anything until you're actually in the space playing. Because somebody can absolutely believe this is where I am and this is what I can do. But when it actually, when the rubber meets the road, I'm trying to think of a better analogy. You need to, at that point, that's when you... You need to really discover, can they handle this? Can they not handle this? Is this really how it's going to work? And that's, again, there's just a very difference from having a regular intellectual discussion versus actual hands-on. So, you know, a person can learn a lot from the internet. But they gots to get their asses out there. And they gots to, you know, actually interact to get it going. Right. What I was even telling you on our way over here is that I feel like with local resources, we're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. We're lucky. LA has, like, so fucking much. Really lucky. I mean, ProVillain taught a knife play class yesterday. Yes. Which I hear was fucking awesome. Well, this does not surprise me. Yes. And then Mistress Melissa is doing Play Piercing 101 at BOD. Which is fantastic. On Tuesday. I mean, there's always shit going on. Yeah. And we are truly blessed. But, you know, I was telling you on the way over here is I feel like I'm kind of like, you know, I want more. I want more. Much more. And there's so much out there outside of LA. Mm-hmm. You know, more intensive. More stuff. Yep. And I think, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like I raise my stock as a submissive by going out there and seeking that kind of information. And knowing, you know, am I ready for something? You know, like, it's been really hard for me to admit that I'm not a pain slut. It really upsets you a great deal. Fuck, man. It really fucking pisses me off. It really, really does. But just the same as that has been hard to accept. You know, part of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Part of that is that, you know, I can't meet all of your needs. You want to beat people, and I am not the beating type. Just nuts. You know? You beat me, all of the feathers will just pop out of this pillow. It's bad. I can, you know, I can tame down. Don't. I've tamed down for you lots and lots on the beatings. So. But still, you know, there's that, I don't want to have to stifle that for you. You know? And, you know, just things like that. But, you know, accepting things like that. Accepting my limitations. Accepting that. That's just not me. But. But wait, hold on. But that's your limit now. Right. Continually growing and changing. Everybody is. Right. And whether it's through going out and seeking some education. You happen to be the kind of person that you have to have as much information as you possibly can before you're going to even put a toe in. I get that. I'm very similar in many, many ways. Believe it or not. I know that surprises you. Believe it or not. But I get that. But that's where you are now. And the truth is, we had this discussion yesterday about 2012 being like the shittiest fucking year ever. And that 2012 is just anally raping us. And we decided that 2013, we're going to anally fist that year. That year is going to fucking take it. Yeah. Because this year sucks. Yes. And we've just written it off and it's already July and we're waiting. Oh, and of course, we decided that 2013 next year starting on my birthday. Yes. In December. So it won't be like a month ahead of all you. A month ahead of all you. All you fuckers. Our year is going to kick ass starting December. So fuck you all. Anyway. Please, God, let that be the case. This is why I don't believe in God. Anyway. So. That was a tangent. My point is that that's your limit now. And that your limit, I think, a year from today will be different. Sure. Sure. But, you know, I guess what I was trying to get to, though, is that I, you know, accepting that I'm not a pain slayer, accepting that I can't do certain things right now. But I know what I can do right now. I love service. I love service. Like. You're servicing me. All week long. Yes. And I can. Oh, I want you to spend the night. I'm sorry. We should not be negotiating this on the air. Oh, my God. Exciting. Exciting. I'm going to spend the night. I'm going to spend the night. You can sleep over with the mistress. Anyways. But, okay. So, yeah. No. But so, like, service is like, that's my thing. Right? And so, knowing that. Okay. How can I expand on that? There's more. There's got to be more. I have not reached the max on that. Well, no. Nobody. I don't. Is there a max in this world? Is there a max? No. There's no ceiling. That's what's so awesome. There's no ceiling. If I may ask. What? You can always ask. I know. What's, like, my number one rule? To ask all the time. Ask all questions anytime. There's never a question that you can't ask. Right. Right. You're right. Go. With the growth of a nest type. Of the you? Of me. Well, really, just any submissive. Growth, whatever. What part of how much of that do you think the majority falls on the submissive themselves and on the dominant? Ideally, they should both grow together. Ideally. Because that's that's how it is. You know, there's guiding. And the truth is, if I don't care how, you know, super domly you are, you're stupid if you don't think that you're submissive guide you. Because they do. Because I've had submissives. That have taken me towards places that I didn't expect to want to go. And be like, oh, oh, yeah, let's. It's not that it was something that was foreign to me. But it was like, oh, this is not really where I anticipated this to go. But this is where it's going. Because that's what human beings do. Because we're not checklists. We are organic flowing things. So I think that ideally they both should grow together. And if a submissive has something that they have interest in that they've never done with the dominant, maybe a dominant doesn't have an experience in it. That's a discussion point. You know, mistress, I would like to look into this, whatever this is. I don't know what this is. Pick up a this. I would like to look into sewing clothes. And I will laugh at you and say, have fun with that. Make me something. That's service, right? No, but that's it. And that is a, it's also an amazing way to expand a relationship. That's why I think that DS is better than vanilla. Because. Because we have these discussions. You know, we don't hide them. We share them. Everything is very open. It has to be. The shit we do, it has to be. So that's my point is that. And if you feel like you have to hide something that you want to do from your D type, that's a huge red flag. Do you have that huge red flag? Because now I'm kind of worried. Fuck, I've kind of had a really shitty week. And you just fucking deal with it. I didn't even say anything. I didn't even give you like a look or anything. Geez. The only look that I want to give you is a, I love you so much. I love you so much. Yes. And I want to make your sad vagina, happy vagina. What's happening this week, man? Shit, man. Like I had something to say. Something like really important. Yeah. Growth, DS, S type, wanting to grow and learn. And what does that mean for the D type? Intimacy. Intimacy. Oh, why do you, why do you say this word, this I word? This I word. And you know what? It happens to scare a lot of kinksters. Have you noticed that? Intimacy? It does. It does. Like intimacy, commitment. Like fuck, man. Damn. It scares a lot of people. And I think that because it, it means that you have to somehow dig much deeper. And I think, you know, a lot of times we, you know, we get stuck in this, in this very cerebral idea of DS. We get stuck in the philosophy of, you know, being a good dominant. Being a good submissive. But, you know, these are real relationships. Right. You are cultivating something where there's trust, there's love. When is that not a relationship? No, it's a full on relationship. So, I mean, you know, like I joke about the R word and the L word. I'm that person. But, you know, I do, I love you. I love that we have a relationship. It is a relationship. It has highs. It has lows. You know, it's got goods. It's got bads. It's a relationship. It's a relationship. It's a very non-traditional relationship. But it's a relationship. You know, and anybody who has that, there is intimacy. And quite frankly, I think the intimacy that we have is probably greater than I've had in any regular vanilla relationship. And this includes my marriage. Because we are sharing things. I mean, real serious. I mean, we share dark shit. We share some dark fucking shit. Which you don't share with anybody, you know. At least, you know, when I was raised. You kept those fantasies. You kept those fantasies to yourself. You didn't talk about that. And I think that that's pretty traditional for our society to hide this kind of thing. These dark fantasies. Because they're dark. And they're frowned upon. And they're shunned. Yes. And so when you share them with someone, there is automatically intimacy. So I get that people don't like the word. Myself included. You can call it something else. Fuzzy duckies? I don't know. The tickles? The tickles. One of the tickles. But the point is that, yeah, I think that we end up ultimately being more intimate in DS, in BDSM. Which to me is how can that mean that we're psychologically fucked up? If we can have more intimacy than vanilla people, then I think that that makes us healthier. And I think that it does. I think it makes us a more whole person. That we can connect to these deep, dark desires. We can connect to these deep, dark desires. We can actually enjoy them. We can actually act them out. And yet still have loving, caring relationships, intimate relationships. Means that we have a lot more wholeness to our psyche than the vanilla person that is masturbating to tranny porn when their wife is asleep. Because they don't want to share that information. Yeah. You know, I think this is also the world in which we're able to shed that self-image. And I think that's a huge problem. Where you become very concerned about other people. I mean, how many of us are, you know, we go to work. We want to make sure we look good. And we don't smell. And, you know, other stuff. You don't smell. I don't know. Fuck, man. I'm just coming up with stuff. You know, stop it. You know, we worry about like these little things. How we're going to be perceived. Am I being nice? Do people like me? You know, and I think that in the world of DS, that's kind of not as important. I don't know. I think it is. Really? Yeah, I see it. I really do. I really do see it. I mean, you see the people gearing up for the parties. The latex. The, you know, the there. The, I see it. But it's just different. It's just because the rules of this subculture are different versus the rules of vanilla society. But I do see it. But not in a, you know, it's not. What I do see is that the traditional concept of beauty does not necessarily apply. I think that's what I was trying to say. And therefore, you can go into a dungeon and you can see every body type possible. And I love it. I love that a woman who might never get naked in front of even, let's say, their partner would get naked in a dungeon and be okay with that. And be okay, you know, it's beautiful. I don't care. If you think that that's an ugly body type, fuck you. It's gorgeous because that person is putting their trust not just in the dominant that's playing with them in that moment. But literally in everybody in that room. That they're being so exposed. You can't get more exposed than that. And it's gorgeous. I love it. I think that that's a fantastic thing. I think it says so much. I think that's healthy. Right. It's a healthy place to be. Well, and there's so much battling of your fears. We all have to battle our fears and conquer them. And the reason I think that we do battle them and conquer them in DS. BDSM more than the vanilla people do is because there is this cocoon of safety. Because we do super negotiate things, especially edge play and really high risk play. We negotiate the shit out of them so that everybody knows what the limits are. You may not know exactly what's going to happen, but you know what the limits are. You know where the walls are going to hit. And you also know you have a way out. If it's too much for the S type or even the D type, anybody can say forward something. Yeah. And that's awesome. Because there's that safety in getting and falling and knowing you will be caught. That's why it's so great. And this is, to me, that's the most psychologically liberating concept possible. That you can face a fear and know you have safety within it. That's what I got to say about that. Yes. All of that. All of that. All of that. I don't know if it exists in the D type world. But I know that for us. For us types. Just so you know, you were a big blurry mess there. I couldn't see. Yeah, I noticed. Now I see you. Yay, glasses. I think there's this really big need of being understood. Are you talking from S type perspective? Yes. Okay. Being understood. You know, being able to put everything on the table, really. And have your D type kind of help you put it all together. Yeah. Pieces of a puzzle, I guess. Yeah. But to be understood, to not be judged. And I mean, fuck, if you're with a D type that's judging you in a really destructive way, I think that. Well, rethink that. Yeah. But like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. I think that it takes a lot of courage to be able to put everything out there. It does. It does. And for me, that's why I do. I require journaling. I require journaling. And it's, that's the best way. Because I think that sometimes, I think one of the great things about social media is that we do end up exposing so much more of ourselves in writing than we might ever face to face. In fact, I guarantee that. Because you get face to face and your emotions take hold. But it's so easy to hit send. Wow, I can't believe I just sent that. You know? And it's life altering. Or you've just revealed something so terribly, you know, something so vulnerable. Something that really exposes you. And you just have to click a button and it's gone. Whereas you don't actually have to say it and look at someone's face and start judging what they're thinking. And, oh, my God, did I just fuck up by saying this? You know what I'm saying? So I think that by, you know, having kind of journaling in another way that it allows the S-type to expose themselves in a fairly comfortable, safe way. They don't have to fear that immediate reproach if there is going to be a reproach. You know? That's just my opinion. But I think that's also healthy. Journaling is healthy. All of the psychologists say to do journaling. Have a dream journal. Did you journal that? Yeah, I journaled it and I shoved it up your fucking voodoo ass. Sorry. Wow. I've had issues with my psychologists in my life. Well done. I end up toying with them. I'm very bad. Yeah. Yeah. They say shit and I just fuck around with them. I'm like a cat. I'm a cat with a toy. You'd think they'd pick up on it. I guess not. Oops. That's not okay. That is not okay. It's their job. I suppose. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? It's their job. But on that note, I do want to point out a resource for kinksters out there. So there's this like really awesome organization called National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Yes? Yes. Yes. Where we are aware of this. And on their fantastic webpage, they have a link for resources and they have a way for you to get in contact with kink-aware professionals. It's like an actual fucking directory. You know, for those out there who, you know, maybe want a better understanding of themselves and want to seek therapy with someone who's not going to automatically jump the gun and say, oh, you are batshit. fat shit fucking crazy because you like to get it up the butt you know or you know what up the butt yeah that so i i strongly suggest um that if you wanted more information i mean and from someone who again is a mental health professional um that you go to to their website and it's ncs freedom.org ncs freedom.org ncs freedom yes so ncsf would be better but ncs freedom yes that's cool rock that right yeah no it's it's a it's a it's a good organization absolutely yes and it you know it does it does help protect those that are in the kink community which is fantastic yeah but they don't just have therapists though like i like they have like regular mds they have just a bunch of different professional i dislocated my shoulder during suspension i'm serious shit happened dude we should do a show on that like how to talk to your md i don't know how to talk to my md about that well not about that like what you just said but just like you know he's too cute anyway i'm the cutest doctor ever we'll talk about that potential topic yeah yeah yeah yeah um but yeah um yeah yeah hi no i think it's interesting because you know people talk about you know fetishes or a sign that you've got a little psychological issue i know people like guys especially that have had foot fetishes and they're like oh my god i don't know what to do and they were like two how does that mean that they have a psychological issue did you had a psychological issue when you were two i don't know i don't think so it's a it's a you know whatever it's a foot fetish now you know if somebody had a clown fetish that would be an issue that sounds scary right it does that sounds really i agree because i don't like clowns at all there's something wrong with them what do you think about it um a dominant receives psychologically that is i mean from from their dominance what they receive that is that is rewarding what does a dominant receive that is rewarding from their dominance trying to understand the question before i answer i'm not gonna be like jumping out i don't know um it'd be like asking what do you receive from your submission just from your experience i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know from submitting i i i breathe i um feel complete i i get to i don't know it makes me feel whole like i'm not hiding something like i'm not pretending to be a good wife pretending to be a good mom good pta person you know just i'm not pretending to be something that's i'm not pretending to be something that's me to be i'm being who and what i am and and that's what i get out of it i get this sense of accomplishment i don't know the sense of of it's comfortable i don't know how else to say it that's about the as as raw and as real as i can get i don't think i get anything else you know i it makes me feel good i lost my thesaurus people but that's it you know i that's about as simplistic as i can put it you know i'm not gonna be all histrionic about it no no no i think you know because all of that feeds into the rest of your life so exactly well exactly and i know for me that i'm even in a shitty 2012 year i'm happier today than i was trying to be vanilla i was i was a i was a square peg and i was literally forcing it full brute force into a round hole and i got a lot of brute force that i can do emotionally mentally a lot and i really really tried it and it just didn't work and the more that i realized i'm just a square peg i'm just gonna just gonna be a square peg i'm gonna hang out with the other square pegs and other square holes because that's how it feels right and and it it makes me happy i've got this sense of fulfillment and contentment and it there's nothing quite like that and i'm not gonna be a square peg i'm gonna be a square peg and i'm not like that, you know, that sense of acceptance. And I can only possibly translate this to, you know, somebody who comes out when they're gay, they realize, oh my God, I'm different. And I accept it and it's gorgeous. That's, that's how I can look at, because I remember my sister came out and I remember how her life changed and how she felt when she explained it. Because I was just like, really? Like just girls? Like really? Really? You don't like penis ever? You know, but that's, and when I came out of my metaphorical kinky closet, it was like, oh my God, that's it. I'm, there's like this huge weight off my shoulders, this huge monkey off my back. So that's what I have to say about that. And you, not, not from, not your submission to a person, your sense of submission, what do you get from that psychologically, emotionally? Like I'm not allowed to use the word good, like, I did. Well, shit, because, well, no, no, no, I'm not going to use it the way you did. It makes me feel like I'm a good person. Well, explain more. It makes me feel, it makes, it helps reinforce the sense that I have that it's important to be humble. It helps me feel as though I'm, I'm somehow, you know, putting myself on check for other times that, you know, maybe that I am arrogant or that I'm, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, you know, sassy. Yeah, that sassy. It helps, it helps me kind of just, it's like pressing reset on myself where that, for me, that's the foundation of who I am. And when I deviate from that, and sometimes I get really fucking out of control. Yeah. And it's like really like disastrous, like, you know, a few times, maybe a little self-destructive kind of way. You? Yeah. Say it ain't so. You know, and just it just helps. It just helps me come back to home base where I, you know, I get back to basics and I think, yes, this is who I am. This is where I'm headed. And when I do something that's out of line with that, then I can go always go back to my submission and always think, OK, this is this is who I am. This is what I who and what I identify as. Did I what did what I just do? Is that in line with this? No. Or yeah, it is. Did what I just do provide anything productive to my submission to who I am, regardless of whether or not I'm, you know, connected with someone? Did it did it help or did it hinder me? And so for me, it's it's kind of it's like a checklist. It is. But you like checklists. I know that's how I operate, you know, so so. To have. Because I feel like it's, you know, it's healthy for me to be humble. And a lot of my submission has fuck tons to do with that. Well, I think it's healthy for everybody to have, you know, a certain amount of humility, not not too much healthy, a healthy balance of humility. So, no, I agree with that. And I don't know if it requires yours to be humble so much. Yeah, but that's but that's important to me, though. Yeah, I just I just like humiliating you. Yeah, it's just. It's fun. I think, you know, growing up Catholic also had a lot to do with it. Just going to put that out there. I'm going to do some religious shit to you. I wish I could make like a rosary flogger. A rosary flogger. Come on, people. Someone can make it. I bet St. Leather could make it. Yes, she is the patron saint. She is the patron saint of rosary floggers. But I decided this just made it now. Made it up. Wow. I don't really know if this is what this show went. I don't know what it went someplace. Did it go someplace? Because it felt really kind of. I think. No, I think it did. I think it did. That's a meat and tangents. Yeah. Oh, wait. A love bite show. Got it. Good. Just keeping it real. Yeah. We have things coming up. We have. We have. Yes. So following Sunday, we will have Master Fana on with us. She is going to be on. She is most definitely will because I pimped it. I'm going to kick her ass if she doesn't come on. Master Fana. Yeah. Yeah. Because she's like really funny. And I. She's hilarious. You know, you guys together in one room and then us being sitting like this. It's just going to be a lot of magical. Fucking awesome. And then the Sunday after that. Have we committed? I don't know. Tell me. To doing our Kinkapalooza? Well, yeah, because we have people coming in. We have people coming in from town. We've got Gemini coming in. We've got Winsome Gypsy coming in. We've got. We are going to have Kinkapalooza. Yes. Kinkapalooza. And you are going to fist Subgirl. Oh. This is going to be awesome. Yeah. And there's going to be some beating of people. We need more D-types. But we're just beating of people. Yeah. It's going to happen. It'll be awesome. Excited. Because it's our one year anniversary. Yes. Yes. And this is. I mean, I think our show has grown in by leaps and bounds. Oh, my God. I hear people that go back to the first episodes. I'm like, what? Oh, my God. We're almost done. Like our page on the Facebook, the Love Byte. Follow us on the Twitter at the underscore love underscore byte. I'm Insidious Muse. She's Service Slut. Wow. This was a cool show. So. We'll be back. Fuck. I did that too fast. Now I have 20 seconds. Yeah. I'm like, wait. What are you doing? Again. As we said. I would be the worst guy ever. I would shoot my wad in like five seconds. As we said at the beginning of the show, we're really fucking wacky today. So. Sorry. You couldn't promise any stability. Because we're not crazy. No. Not. No. No. What? What? All right. See you next week. Good night. Good night. I always forget that I do that too fast. I always forget that I do that too fast. I always forget that I do that too fast.