Cinderella complex and submissive responsibilities

Hello. Hey, pretty lady. Over there with the rainbow colored hair. I know, I totally have rainbow colored hair. It's so pretty. You guys can't tell. Those of you who are watching us on livestream.com can't really tell. But mistress has like this hair. Well, I mean, obviously she always has hair. I do always have hair. As it turns out. I don't randomly just not have hair. But it's so pretty. It's always there. It's all. Well, you know, because normally my hair is like pretty red. And it's pretty blonde. Well, we were going to have the 80s party. So I went blonde for the 80s party, right? Which didn't happen. But whatever. Whatever. So I have this blonde thing on my hair, on my head. And I'm like, well, if it's blonde, I'm going to go with like funky colors. So the tips, the tips I've got. Like aqua, infusia. Because you know what? I can. And if I want to look professional, I can put it up in a bun. And guess what? I look professional. You look professional right now. Even with it down. Yeah. You know what field we're in. Well, there's that. That doesn't work so much. Anyway. Hey. Hey, how are you? I'm tired. You are tired, man. I'm tired. And then there was no fucking Jarritos in the fridge. There was no. I thought we were sponsored. Where's the Jarritos? We didn't even stop and get a drink because we're like, Jarritos will be there. I don't know. I think they only like gave us five little flats of it. And then we have to re-up. Fuck you. That blows. Do they not know what kind of whores work or come to Skid Row Studios? I know. I was looking forward to it yesterday. Right? We were looking forward to today. Damn it. Didn't bring anything. Didn't bring a beverage. So we're parched here. So if at any point during the show we go. You'll know why. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? We don't have our Jarritos. Or Jarritos as I say. Well, and usually I'll go over to the 7-Eleven prior to collecting you to get you your Arnold Palmer half and half or like whatever kind of huge Arizona, whatever the hell. Although lately because they have dollar big gulps, I've been all into the dollar big gulps. Yes. Yes. It's cheaper. It is. It is much cheaper. And I get more of a beverage. Yes. That's true. Why are we talking about that? I have no fucking, because of the Jarritos, that's why. Our topic of the day is not in fact beverages. It is not. It is not. You know, it's funny. Our topic was brought to us by Ms. Nancy, who, did you text it to me or did you show it to me? I think I showed it to you. Showed it to me. Because Ms. Nancy's spending a lot of time with me lately, more so than normal, which is fine. But so we don't have to text these things. She can just like hand it to me. I'm out on the deck having a smoke and she hands it to me. So that's how that happened. And what she handed to me was this Wikipedia page about the Cinderella effect. Cinderella complex. Cinderella complex. And then she's like, what about for a show topic? And I'm reading through it and I'm like, um, uh-huh. And I'm like, to what end? I need to understand, you know, you just can't show me a Wikipedia page and be like, how about that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Cinderella complex is, to put it in as minimal of terms I can before we get into the rest of the show, is that essentially somebody feels once they get into a relationship, they no longer have any responsibilities. They are being taken care of as Cinderella was by Prince Charming or as any person is in most of the classic fairy tales. And I said, well, that is a sub point, I believe, to the topic, which should be what are the responsibilities? The responsibilities of a submissive. And we've had this conversation. We've had this conversation with Julie, in fact, where we discuss our good friend, Julie. Hi, Julie. We love you. We love you so much. And I miss you. And I can't wait until after August 19th, like you said, and then we can see her again. And I was going to tell you. Why? Is she on hiatus? Are we not allowed to see her now? She's really, really busy for the time being. And she said that after that, we can see her. And so, yay. I miss her. I miss her too. I'm really, you know what? I'm really afraid that we're going to miss the kitty growing up. Thankfully, she posts hourly pictures on Facebook. I'm joking a little bit. Anyway, back to topic. We've discussed it with Julie how a lot of people, a lot of submissives or slash slaves believe that once they get into a relationship, then they, that's it. They don't have any more responsibilities. Everything will be taken care of by their dominant, all of their needs, everything. It'll all be handled. Which, you know, we're here to tell you, not true. Oh, man, is it not true? Not, not true. Let me give you an example. Yeah. I'm not going to wake you up in the morning to make sure you go to work. No. I'm not going to text you to remind you to take your meds. No. I'm not going to remind you to take showers. Oh, wait, I am. What the fuck? I'm not going to nudge you to brush your teeth, to do your laundry, to pay your bills, to be a productive member of society. I am even not going to remind you those things that are required of our relationship, like morning greetings, rituals that may have been set up, any of those things, protocols, etc. I'm not going to remind you of those. I have an expectation that you do them every fucking time. You don't, but I have an expectation that you do them every time. You guys can't see it, but her eyes were kind of black for a little while. They did not. I'm kind of scared. I said it. it with a smile. And I didn't even say it in French. Hey, hey, hey. I could have. Let's not go there. I love how all I have to do is slip into French and you like fucking you're dead. You're like a quivering dog in the corner. Why do we have to do this? Why? Why is this my life? That's a simple answer. Sadist. Anyway. So the point being, there are many, many things that when you engage in a DS relationship that the dominant absolutely has all of these expectations of the submissive's behavior. Most should be you know, highlight, should be laid out and clearly identified so that there's no concern about them not knowing what their responsibilities and expectations are. But I think that some of them, like I don't, I didn't write in your contract. Take your meds. Go to work. I didn't write. That was just like a basic expectation of self-care. This is true. Yes. You know, so I mean, from my perspective, that's kind of an example. What examples might Nancy have? I feel like I'm just, I'm going to be a gold mine of things not to do. Excellent. Hey, you know what? It's still education. Don't care how you get there. Well, let's start with one that's on your mind now. I feel like I'm walking into like a bear trap or something right now. I have not. There's not a spider web behind me. It's none of, no. No, no, no. I'm not even taking notes. Stop it. Don't. You know, the show requires participation. Yes, I'm doing, I am attempting to do that. Attempting. You know, the first one that comes to mind, and the thing is that you mentioned a lot of the big ones for me, like the, hey, let's go to work and make money and stuff. Not that I have a hard time with that, except for the fact that my lovely mistress really hates my alarm and how it sounds. You really just have no idea people. It is, it's, oh God, it's awful. It's just, I need an alarm that's going to wake me the fuck up. And I love your alarm on the weekends because it's beautiful. It is so calm. But that's not going to get me out of bed. It gets me out of bed. It's not going to get me out of bed, though. And I can't rely on you, obviously, to wake me up. You know, I can't do that because, like, why? Quick sidebar. Oh, okay. So the first school night that Nancy spent over, she has this thing where she wants her phone to be on top of my phone so our phones can be spooning. I don't know what it is. Something like that. I'm like, the fuck? I mean, but I meant her phone wasn't being plugged in, which I'm like, seriously, don't you need to plug it in? I'm like, I'm going to plug your phone in at night. But whatever. Cool. No big deal. But the next day was a work day, right? And so her alarm goes off. And I literally, like, and like in a snap, I am on that shit because it doesn't take much to wake me up. And I pick it up and I just roll over and I'm like, take your phone or I'm throwing it across the fucking room. And you're like, don't throw my phone. And I was like, just take it. Because really, when I'm woken up with obnoxious sounds, I get a headache and I get really grumpy. And I'm already grumpy in the morning, so let's not make it worse. Hi. See what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey, hi. So that's the sidebar, but let's get back to our topic at hand. Yeah, there's I would hope there's things about my life and me that are independent from you that you find attractive, that you find desirable and submissive. I would imagine that one of those is being gainfully employed and having like a thing to do every day, every day, having a thing that I go to not to knock people that don't have jobs, but having like, I guess I don't even want to qualify as a job, but just having like a set structure that's all your own, you know, a thing that you do, whether it's going and exercising every single day. Maybe you're part of a meetup group that walks their dogs every afternoon that does not going to school or yeah, whatever. Children or any of these things. Yeah, whatever, whatever that is, that it is independent of your dominance. Now, when I am at work, sometimes I do text my mistress. That's true. I make it a point to text her in the middle of the day every day to ask her how her day is going because I like checking in because there's, well, there's a couple of different reasons for this because more often than not, I'm going to see her after I get out of work. I need to know. I need to know if she's having a bad day. I know to you, it probably may just seem like just a casual, hey, how's your day going? My answer is always check Twitter. No, I'm kidding. That's not my answer. But, you know, to you, it might just seem like a casual, how are you doing? For me, it's like, all right, let's assess the day. Not because I... Great. No, not like that. Oh, fantastic. Oh, God, let me explain, please. Let me explain. I'm, you know, bearing Xanax. How does this work? No, no, no, and no. Okay, please. It's not that. Oh, I'm waiting on bated breath. It's because I want to know if when I get to you at the end of the day, do I give you space? Do I maybe surprise you with some Carmela's ice cream? Right? See? You see? You see? You see? Sorbet, though. Or do I, you know, do I ask, hey, are we still seeing each other today? I mean, it just kind of molds whatever's going to happen in the afternoon and how I adapt to you. I can't expect you to adapt to me. I have to adapt to you and whatever's happening. So that check-in in the middle of the day for me is like, well, maybe she has plans this evening with whoever. What am I going to do? You know, what do I do with myself? You're on the couch. Here's the earplugs. Yes. Well, no, because then I can't live tweet that shit. So, no. You're awful. I love it. I love you. I love you, too. You're fucking me up. But, yeah, so, you know, I have, well, I do have things outside of her that, you know, are for me. I still check in. I still, I'm still connected with you. So I got that going for me. I think right now it's a little bit difficult because we're spending a lot of time together. We're pretty much cohabitating. Yeah. I'm not really good at cohabitating. It is really not my thing. No, it's not. I really enjoy my alone time. I know, and I'm really struggling with that. I really like my alone time. I really like my bed to myself. Like, oh my God, there's nobody in my bed. Like, for example, you were away for the weekend, and I could have had people over, like, all weekend long. And I'm like, no, I'm alone in my bed. I just sprawled out. It was awesome. That does not mean I don't love you. That doesn't mean I don't want you there. I know. I know. That's the fine that I'm issuing with cohabitation, which therefore creates a whole other level of stuff for us. Of course. Yeah, and that's another show. Right. Oh, shit. That's another show. It is an entirely different show. It is. You know, but when we were talking about this topic, or at least how it was manifesting itself, I thought a lot about how, you know, what kind of differentiation are we making between responsibilities that a submissive has to their dominant and responsibilities that a submissive has to them. And so when I showed you this whole Cinderella complex, which I thought, which is the name itself, I'm like, oh, how cute. Not because that's something to which you want to strive. You understand. I understand. I do understand. Cool. But it just made me think about how those two columns really intersect a lot. You know, I have a responsibility to you to take care of my, I have a responsibility to you to take my fucking meds because if I don't, then I'm not really that good. I'm not my best. I remember. But I also had that responsibility to myself, even if you and I weren't you and I. It's true. It's true. And the reason why the topic is the responsibilities of a submissive without that differentiation is because it doesn't matter. In order for you to be a whole person, in order for you to be a whole submissive that can in fact serve, you have, to take care of yourself and then add to that the things that are a part of the relationship. You know, it's not, again, there's a laundry list of things that you have to do for yourself. You have to. Nobody else can do them for you, whether you're in a DS relationship or not. And I think that there are some people that have this belief that once they get into a DS relationship, that responsibility becomes lifted somehow, which it does not. No. Way too much responsibility on the D type. You know, I think a lot about how when that whole Fifty Shades crap came out. You didn't even read it. Well, you know what? I didn't have to read it. You don't get to judge. I can judge. No, you can't because you didn't read it. I read it. I can judge. I can judge on your stick figures and on... Your stick figures are awesome. And I gotta admit, Wikipedia gives me a pretty good idea of what's happening. You just suck. But anyways. Suck. I suffered. Okay, fine. I'll read it. But, you know, the, these, you know, lovely housewives were blown away by this fact that this, you know, wealthy man could just up and take this woman into all of these things and, you know, for a lot of people finances are a thing that it's, you know, can be stressful. It's like the number one, like, reasons people fight in relationships is money. Right. So, you know, this idea that this, that this handsome dominant will come into your life and just, you know, wave his hand around and take you to all these places and do all of these things. We take that and we kind of just condense it down into, I don't know, fucking reality. And, you know, you can't, you shouldn't let yourself get so swept up in the idea that someone is going to really rule all of your life. There are portions of your life that stay with you because they are for you. You are you. Does that mean that you, that there's some, like, accountability that goes away? No, no, no, no, no. Accountability and responsibility. Accountability, responsibility. You're still responsible for answering to your dominant. I'm still responsible to you. Even if I am at work, if there's something you have a question about, I am very easily reached. You are very easily reached. Those things don't stop. But I still have the, I still have, I'm still accountable for doing my work. Still accountable for being in the now. Does that make sense, what I'm trying to say? It does, and to pose a question then based upon what you said, what would you say to the D-types that say, no, there is no part of your life that is separate from me? Hmm. I guess that would really depend on what you've negotiated. What have you negotiated in the beginning of your relationship? Are we talking about everybody, you know, everyone turns in their paycheck to you every two weeks? It happens. Absolutely. Absolutely it happens. It does happen, but it happens because it's negotiated at the very beginning of the relationship when you are embarking. Or renegotiated. I mean, these things happen. Sure. But, you know, I think that to expect that without discussing it, I think that's a bit much. Obviously. Well, but this is one of the things that I think separates, and we've said this many times, separates DS from kind of regular relationships. Everything is discussed, or should be. Everything should be clearly defined. Including this, including the responsibilities and the expectations of both parties. For example, our contract, which needs to be redone desperately. But there's pages and pages about what are your responsibilities and my expectations of you. And pages and pages about what are my responsibilities and your expectations of me. It's really clearly written out in black and white. You know, again, it's totally not applicable, but whatevs. It was at one point. It was. It was. But we, you know, we didn't flow with what happens in our lives. And we make it, we've made it work. Yeah, but the point is that within a DS relationship, these things need to be discussed. And what I would suggest to any S type is that they should be able to respectfully bring up these questions to their dominant. Again, as long as you're doing it respectfully, you should be allowed to do that. If you're not allowed to ever question your dominant, I would really question whether that's bordering on abuse. If you're never allowed to question your dominant. But if you within, if you follow the protocol and you respectfully ask. File the grievance. File the grievance, whatever the fuck it is, however you do it, whatever. Because everybody has their own way. Some people want it verbally, some people want it in writing. You know, it's just everybody has their way. But as long as you follow whatever protocols are dictated, then ask your dominant what they expect of you. Have a check-in. Let's say your contract is two years old. Are you really living by the black and white in that? Or you never had a contract, you just had a conversation. Are you really living to the essence of that? Or has that evolved and evolved and evolved? And I would hope that it has. I would hope we as human beings are evolving and therefore within our relationships are evolving. So I would suggest that any S type ask in order for clarification. Seek clarification of what are the expectations. What does the dominant expect their responsibilities to be, the submissive's responsibilities to be within the confines of their relationship? I think another aspect of this that I really, really want us to not miss is the fix-it. The fix-it dominant or at least what the S type perceives to be their fix-it dominant. You know, I came into this with my own baggage. What? I had baggage and you had baggage too. No, no, no. Have. Have. Yes, but I'm understanding. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about me. But yeah, you got it too. But I'm saying, you know, at that point, I'm talking about at that point in time, whatever baggage we had then, we may have added some fucking Louis Vuitton shit to that, but I'm just saying. Can I be coach? Okay, fine. Okay, thanks. Cool. But anyways, you know, at that time, that's what we had. And we went into it knowing what each of us was bringing into it. Well, insofar as we could share at the time. Precisely. You know, and, I think that it's really easy for some people to fall into this, I have this thing that plagues me. And now I have a dominant and they tell me to do these things and those things. So, surely, they'll have the answer for this. Oh my God. And not only will they have the answer for it, but they'll take care of it. They'll take care of it. I never have to deal with it ever again. That's terrifying. And I lived happily ever after. Yeah. That's scary. On a lot of levels. We do actually know some dominants that are, in fact, therapists. But most dominants are not. Right. And I really wouldn't suggest that your dominant be your therapist. No. Because you have, you have a relationship with them. Yeah. A lot of times it's sexual in nature and, you know, you're not supposed to bang your therapist, blah, blah, blah, all that kind of stuff. So, no. If you have, I'm not saying that you have to be perfect. You have to go in without any emotional baggage or any emotional scarring when you're entering into a DS relationship. Just be open and honest about it. And don't have an expectation, be it spoken or a subconscious belief, hope, that somehow that that'll, whatever that issue is, will be fixed. Know that that those kinds of issues, they're gonna come up in some of the play and some of the things that happen in DS relationships. Let's say that you were raped. Let's say that you were abused. Let's say, you know, there's a laundry list of things that absolutely come up. And then there's triggers, just weird, random, stupid triggers. Sometimes it's words like the word stupid or, you know, whatever. You never know. And these things are going to come up. In the moment, your dominant can triage the scene to recover it. But as far as long-term fixing? No. No. And I mean, I remember that one time that we had that scene. Which one? I'm getting there. Because you were gonna say the one that went wrong. And I'm like, which one? We've had a few. Well, the one that went really, really, really, really, really, really wrong. And was like... What tells? Yeah. Okay. Mm. You couldn't have known. Oh, no. And really, I wasn't even that aware that that would happen. You're very, very good at, you know, blocking things out, pushing things down. Totally. Totally. It's one of those. But, you know, that happened. And then I explained. Do you want to tell everybody what happened? No, really. I really don't. Can I very briefly tell everybody what happened? Okay. Okay. So this was very early on in our relationship. We really hadn't even gone into the full DS. We were just kind of planning. We were kind of playing together. And she was cleaning and naked and on all fours in my bathroom. And I found a wet towel and I, you know, did the spinny thing and I snapped it at her ass. She had previously had... You have to look at some of our very, very old episodes about bad decisions that we make. She had previously been in a play situation with a man who had used wet towels on her. And it was a very negative experience for her. What he used it in genital torture, correct? And it was very, very painful. So that all of a sudden brought up all of this shit, which I was unaware of, which she had never told me about. And it was just like, there was a lot of tears and I'm like, the fuck, the fuck. So triage, triage the moment. Let's fix this. Cry, cry, cry. What the fuck is going on? Why is she crying? I have no idea. Cry, cry, cry. I didn't hit her that hard. We can laugh about it now. Now. So the point that I was trying to make is, you know, something like that happened and I told you why. I didn't expect you to fix it. It's my shit. You know, it's my, it was my poor decision making plus a really bad circumstance. Plus now how I feel about it. And I think that, you know, you're not there to fix my traumas. You're not there to process shit for me. It's not, it's kind of like, you're not the mama bird. It's an achievement. You chew up the food and then spit it into a little baby's mouth. Ew. Nasty. Exactly. Now on the flip side of that, it's really, really important for D types to know to not try to fix it. Do you think that happens a lot? Fuck yeah. Why? It's my job. My job is to make things right. I'm a fixer. Now that's me though. Okay. Everybody's armchair therapist. Okay. Everybody's armchair therapist. I get that. But let me stop you right there though. All right, please stop me right now. Because, I love you. But you know, we're talking about how, you know, people are, you know, see certain dominance as the fix it dominant and how that's not always good. In what ways can that be a positive thing then? What the fix it dominant? Yeah. Oh no, no, no. I'm saying that on my side, I have to be aware to not, to let those moments happen and be like, okay, sucks for you. I misunderstood. You know? And you've even been on the receiving end of that when you've done something. And sometimes you can be the puppy dog eyes. The puppy dog eyes. Like you're like, oh, this is awful. I don't know what to do. Like I'm going to give you an answer. And I'm like, yep. Sounds like you got a lot of thinking to do. Sounds like you got, you know, I make a list. I'm big on telling people to make lists. Make a list. Pros and cons. Go to therapy, you know, whatever. Maybe you should have your meds checked on. I hear Xanax is nice. How about some Ativan? Wow. Kidding. I've never given that suggestion except for one time when you were freaking the fuck out and I'm like popping Ativan. It became the mantra for a week. You were like queen anxiety and I'm like popping Ativan. It was just, you remember that week. It was fantastic. Yeah. Good times. Good times. You were asleep a lot that week. Cause you did. You did. Pop an Ativan. Yeah. So my point is that there is often that moment we can talk all about, we could talk all about what you should do, what you should do, this is what you should do. But you know what? There's that moment. There's a moment that you're giving me the puppy dog eyes and I have this wealth of fantastic, brilliant advice to bestow. I come down from my mountain and give you my advice. I'm sorry. We're professionals here. But instead because that's not the best thing for you. Instead of.... awesome. But the stronger thing would be to let you figure it out on your own. Let you struggle through it, which is hard, but that's the really the better course. And those moments, sometimes we fail. Sometimes we're like, oh, look, I'm going to give you this. And we've had it. I've done it for you. And it's been one of those things where that might not have been the best thing to do. Because the truth of the matter is that it happens. And I give you all this fantastic, brilliant, genius, amazing, wonderful advice, and you don't fucking take it. And then I'm like, hey, remember the conversation we had? Were you gonna do all these things? Remember that? Remember we had that conversation? You're like, yeah. What happened? You're supposed to do all those things. When if you're talking to a friend and you give them all this fantastic advice and they don't do it, you're like, fucker. What an asshole. I didn't take my fucking advice. It was awesome advice. But once you're submissive, you're like, are you fucking serious? You didn't take my fucking advice? Well. Well, I wasn't really giving it to you as a dominant. I was more giving it to you as a friend. I can't have that expectation. That makes me the asshole. See what I'm saying? Yes. Did I fall off a truck somewhere? I'm lost. I don't know where we are. No, no, no. I know where we are. Okay, good. Can you keep us on track? Because I'm not here. Because I don't have my, you know, haritos. Won't get a haripov. On the way home? Yeah. I got change. I got monies too. Money, money, money, money. Okay, go on. Money. Money. Money. That just occurred to me. Money just occurred to you? Well, no, it's always on my mind actually. But it just occurred to me. This show just, it fell. It fell hard someplace. I don't know where it is, but it's not where it's supposed to be. No, man. It's just that all the energy that I didn't have earlier when we were like, not here. It's just now. Now it's like, hey, what's up? What's? Um, yeah. Did you grab your vagina like it was a cock? No, I didn't. And the camera's on me tonight. The fuck? That's bullshit. No. I call bullshit. No, no, no. No, but, um, do you think, okay, you know that whole concept of financial domination? Findoms. Yeah. Yes. Do you think that that is a relinquishment of responsibility? Yeah, but if it's negotiated for, you know, it's one component of it, it's, it's a, it's a kind of play. It's kink. You know, it's the same thing. It's like breath play. It's a kink. Chastity is a kink. These things are kinks that not everybody's into. Some people are into long-term chastity. Some people aren't, you know, and then they're, it's about negotiating at a time. It's kink. I mean, yeah, it's, it could be to a degree about relinquishing responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. relinquishing responsibility, which I'm sure there's a great release in that. But that's no different than relinquishing the responsibility over your orgasm. Right. That's true. It's just you're replacing the word orgasm with money. I just think because money has a different meaning to people. There's a linkage. There's a lot associated with money. There's freedom, independence, responsibility, status, socioeconomic. There's a lot of things associated with money. And therefore, if the responsibility for the money is taken away, then we associate a status of a human being taken away in some ways. So that's why I would say that. But if you look at it pragmatically and you replace it with another term, whatever it is you're taking away, orgasm control, then you can look at it a little bit more black and white and be like, okay, I get it. It doesn't have all of these other meanings that I've assigned to it. It's really just another kink. How do you think that... Thank you. How do you think... How do you think that one can... One as in... The universe one. Yeah, the S types. Us S types. How can we combat this idea of being a victim? Not a victim in the traditional sense, but the thing that leads you, the royal you, I guess, to think that someone is going to sweep into your life and take responsibility for shit that you should be taking responsibility for? Wow, that's a cultural question. We have a cultural belief. And if we look at the fact that we're basing a lot of things upon fairy tales and these fantasies of being taken care of, and not even just fairy tales, sometimes there's just literature and other things. I mean, fuck, we can blame Danielle Steele for half the shit. Let's not talk about Twilight, because we could start talking about that, which, of course, we all know that Fifty Shades of Grey is Twilight fanfic, so same thing. I mean, it's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a culture. It's a cultural question at that point, because what you're asking now is to battle this concept that we want to be swept off our feet, whomever wants to be swept off their feet. It was funny. I had a conversation. I have no idea who it was with. Somebody who said, he traditionally has been in the role of the seductor. He's usually the one seducing the other person. And he's like, wow. And I was being seduced. He's like, and I liked it. Now I get what women are all about. It's that same concept that both genders like to be swept off their feet on some way or another, taken care of. It's just that culturally, we look at the female gender as requiring care from a financial state, as opposed to the male gender requiring care more from an emotional state. But it's still the same kind of concept. So battling this desire to be taken care of, whether you're a male or a female S type, is battling an eight-year-old vision that you have, that you created when you were a child, about what your life should look like, what a relationship should look like, how you should be taken care of. And there's no way an eight-year-old's going to have that complex understanding of the way a relationship works, the way it doesn't work, the way that it ebbs and flows, and the fact that it's not always perfect all the time. It doesn't help that you can watch TV shows and stuff like that where everybody's always fucking happy. Why are they always fucking happy? It's really annoying because they shouldn't always be happy, let's be honest. It's about, it's about assessing the fact that what reality is versus what fantasy is. It's also about assessing the fact that we often refine our past in order to make our present more livable. Whether that means we made, we romanticize an ex, we romanticize our grandparents' marriage, we romanticize what the olden days looked like, we change what the past looked like, and we look at what we have now and we're like, oh, it's nothing like what it used to be. Or sometimes we make it worse, like, oh my God, he was such an asshole, he was such a dick, I hated him so much, why was I ever with him? In order to make it more bearable to be separated from it. We have very, human beings have a great difficulty with being honest with what the past looked like. And it's the same concept when you're dealing with this expectation of how you want to be treated in a relationship. You can't use, a fairy tale concept to live in a modern world. A fairy tale is very one-dimensional. And when you're dealing with a real life relationship, it's very multi-dimensional, it has to be. Everybody has flaws, everybody has gifts, everybody does well, everybody has good days, everybody has bad days. Some people have bad years. Some people have, you know, great years. And you can't be like, well, we've been together for three months and it's really good, so everything's great, Right. Right. Right. Right. Let's get married. No. You know, seriously, you just, you don't know the person that well. We are too complex. Human beings are too complex in order for you to assess that quickly. So my suggestion for anybody, for both DNS types, is to try to constantly check in with yourself and be as honest as you possibly can. And we've said this before. Have a check-in buddy, somebody else that you can bounce. You can bounce things off of. You can shine, you know, a mirror of yourself and your life too, so that you can have as honest of a perspective and you're not fooling yourself or anybody else into making what you have as being better or worse than what it actually is. Dang. You dropped some serious wisdom there. Don't fuck around. Don't fuck around. I gotta get back to my game. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Go on. I was kidding. I was joking. No, you weren't. You forget the camera is looking at you. So when you nod no and you say yes, everyone knows you're lying. You're a lying liar who lies. I am a lying liar who lies. You got nothing else. All right. What do you got? I just dropped a bunch of shit. What do you got? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm kind of blown away by that. No, I, you know, when I... Smart mistress is smart. Oh, so smart. When I showed that to you, I was kind of nervous. And actually, I still kind of am. And... Let's hear why. This is when shit comes back to bite me. And yeah. Totally. I was nervous because, yeah, I read it. And I, you know, I thought, oh, I'm so turned on. responsible lately. I've been very not good. Not good. Not awesome. Like, not awesome. Just not awesome. I've not been a service slut. And it sucks to know that and then to say it. I think I'm gonna change my name to a service mistress. Stop it. Stop. Stop your madness. Stop it. Stop. I thought we were done with that. I thought we were done. It's too good. It's too good. Sorry. Carry on. I love when you hide. Carry on. Well, you really threw me with that one. So it was really hard for me to approach you with that topic because I thought, you know, like, really should I should we really be engaging in this conversation right now? Maybe this is not the best time, you know? That's when it is the best time. Well, no. And so that's why I, you know, I revisited then. I thought, well, no. It is the right time. I agree with you. But I think I just, I felt like this kind of like this like a deepening guilt because I was already feeling guilty. I was already the moment, the moment that I knew you were upset, like everything went to shit. Everything. I stopped being on vacation. I stopped being with my friend. I stopped engaging in everything else because I thought, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And so, and we had a brief chat about it. And, you know, we have a plan and these things. And I just felt like, you know, having this discussion was kind of just like, I don't want to look at that. I don't want to see that which I have deteriorated to. Does that make sense? Do you see now why there's anxiety about this topic? Well, it's interesting because, I mean, we as human beings often project ourselves into whatever it is. And I would definitively not say that you have a Cinderella complex. So when you would bring it to my attention, I didn't think about you at all. You weren't in the forefront of my mind, forethought, forefront, forefront. I mean, that's sugar. Anyway, that's where I'm going with. Can't take that away from me. Anyway, it wasn't, that wasn't there. However, you have justifiable guilds in these areas, very recent failings. So I could see how that would come to your mind. But do you feel that you in some way have a Cinderella complex? I feel like sometimes I, I, I, I am hyper aware of where I, where I'm at and what I ask for from others. And I am very well aware that I ask a lot from you. Not, not that I get what I ask for obviously, but I get that, you know, I just, I rely on you very heavily for a lot of things. And right now it's a lot, lot, lot more things than usual. And so I always just kind of feel like, man, I don't, I, I don't want you to get burnt out, you know? And so I just, I'm really just very cautious of, you know, how, how much I, I, I lay on you. Because I don't want to, I don't want to come across as, as being Cinderella, you know? So it's just kind of, it's, I, I tap dance sometimes because, you know, I, I might, I might have something on my mind and I really hesitate to tell you, not because I'm trying to keep things from you, I don't want to ever keep things from you. But I, I hesitate to tell you because I want to figure it out by myself. I want to figure it out and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do before I go to you and say, oh my God, I have this problem and this sucks and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? So that it, that way it's, it's, it's a non-issue. It, it will have never even come up and you, it would have been a blip on your radar. So when you've done that, how many times have I come back with, what about this? And you're like, oh, I didn't think about that. What about, what about this? Oh, that's a good idea too. Have I never come back with like additional feedback? Do I lack for opinions? No, you do not. And I love all of your opinions. I will make love to each and one of your opinions. Wow. Wow. There's lovemaking to my opinions now. Wow. Um, but you know, while I know that you are a wealth of all this awesome advice. Totally. I want to give it so much. Better than I take it. I want to also take responsibility for things that I want to take responsibility by myself for some things that happen in my life. I appreciate when you come to me with a problem that you've thought out. I do. I value that. Well, and that's why I would rather think it through before I go to you. And if I'm really that fucking stumped, I'm going to go to you. I can't get away from that. That's true. That's true. Yeah. Um, so, so, in our relationship, some of the expectations that I have of you as a submissive, uh, first is, uh, the morning greeting. That's an expectation. Now, interestingly enough, I don't actually have an expectation of an evening greeting, but it'd be nice. I don't have to have one, but it'd be nice. It'd be nice to know when you're going to bed. Just be nice. But that's not an expectation. Um, I have an expectation of service. I do. Uh, mostly because, uh, oh, your name is service sled. And, uh, you came into this as, oh, I'm such a servicey girl. Let's service, service, service, service, service, service, service. Uh, and I need a lot of service because, um, you know, my house needs help. It always needs help. Always. Um, I have an expectation of you representing me well, I have an expectation that, uh, you are respectful to everyone in the community because it is a representation of me. Yeah. Um, I have an expectation that when you can help others, you will, that, uh, one of our beacons that make us, us is education that we believe very strongly in. Educating people and being open to them, whether they be new to kink or whether they be experienced in it. Um, so these, these are my, my biggest, my biggest expectations of you. Got it. Weren't you aware of those? Yes. See, it's nice to hear them. Right. But see, see how you were aware of them. There was nothing that like, I had some quiet, never verbalized expectation of what you do, of what you should do and what you shouldn't do. Now, you know, technically, if you don't do these things that I expect, I'm supposed to, you know, handle it. That's such a nightmare. Yeah. There's so much work involved in that. It's just like a manager managing an employee. There's so much work involved in that. Yeah. Why did you get so, so quiet? I didn't even say anything bad. I know. I just, no, I know it wasn't bad. It's not bad. It's just, you know, I have to soak it in. I want to soak it in. And these are not things that you haven't said before. I'm not, that's not what I'm saying. Not what I'm saying. I'm just kind of, you know, I just, I, I, I want to make sure I take it to heart because I, you know, I look back at the last few weeks and it's like, well, what the fuck was I doing? Did I have my head up my ass? You know, I'm going to say yes. Okay. So firmly up your ass. Nothing else has been up your ass, but maybe your head has. Yes. So there's, there's that. Yeah. Yeah. The other day, the other day you wanted a hug. Yeah. You wanted a hug. And what did I say to you? You didn't say anything. Yep. I did. No, you didn't. Oh, I did. I said, I give a hug to my submissive. I don't necessarily give a hug to my friend. No, no, no. You, I, now I remember what you said and you said it backwards. Did I? Okay. Yeah. Yes. You said it backwards. Because you were not being my submissive. No. No? You said I hug, you said I hug my friends. I don't hug my submissives. No, I didn't. I said it the other way. Really? You probably heard it the other way. Okay. Because, because, I was specifically pointing out that, no, not living up to the label. Hey, hi. Hey. Hey. Hey. How's it going? So uncomfortable right now. You know, doing these shows, doing these shows, doing these shows. So, what else we got on this? This, this, this and this. This and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and everywhere I'm tired do I get an app now wow you're such a fucking dude I am I'm such a guy I'm sorry but I just am I wow no no yeah no I I don't I don't have anything else I'm I didn't blow a load like you did you didn't blow a load that's right you need permission to blow a load okay but we're close to time yeah we got a busy weekend coming up oh my god yes it's Mr. Zimmy weekend but it's like Mr. Zimmy every day all the time but this is actually cause it's starting like let's look we did we did trivia on Monday yay I think last night was the only night we didn't but we did we watched movies last night tonight we got a show tomorrow night we got a a thing Friday night we got karaoke Saturday we got Miss Cassie's rope munch and the market party then Sunday we got Dom Scott's lads blah and blah yeah blah and then somewhere in between there we have to go to my house so I can take my dog some doctor you're gonna do that Saturday before Miss Cassie's rope munch yes so many things and we're gonna pick up the rest of the Twilight movies yes so that I can scream at the TV oh my god did you realize I've had your toys in my car for like a month they've been there for forever yes I was like I should probably get my floggers out and practice and I'm like eh fuck it eh fuck it in fact I'm seeing Mistress Melissa on Friday and I'm like should I bring my floggers I have to get them out of her car I'm like eh fuck it oh my god I do I do need to get them out cause I literally that has been that toy bag what is in it has been my toy bag for the last three months and I gotta I gotta swap some shit out I gotta I mean everything's been cleaned and stuff but I wanna like different put different in yes the bag full of stuff the bag full of dicks is actually in my bedroom that is in your bedroom that's my bedroom you know I always wonder if people pass by my car like during the day and from the lot and I'm like I don't have tinted windows like you totally see everything that's in there well it's not like they're out in the open they're in suitcases except for maybe the canes which are in the quiver exactly which is like why does this bitch have canes in her fucking trunk like it's just weird they just look like sticks they look like sticks in a green poster board poster thingy that's it what I was thinking yes oh and I have that stuff that I got from the rummage sale what am I gonna do to you on Saturday what am I gonna do to you on Saturday I don't know I don't know you were talking about if I slapped you with bacon and of course I was like now I wanna slap you with bacon slap you with a flapjack have a flapjack slap oh that's the grand slam scene I'll never be able to go to Denny's that I'm so excited about that yes she's excited about it too yeah she's a trooper dude Mindy's a fucking trooper dude she's awesome in every possible level I like butt stuff I got a little pervy-ness yeah butt stuff is good though it's a pleasure center people that say that isn't it's like come on I mean yeah okay you gotta lube it up and you gotta stretch it out but once that happens it's fun yeah I like to do the stretching how do you like to stretch I got drumsticks I got drumsticks and I've done some cool things with my sticks before that's fucking awesome you use your drumsticks yeah on the unsuspecting ex-boyfriend nice awesome yeah I have drumsticks at home I'm gonna now add to my bag full of dicks I really do I have drumsticks at home I know you do I've seen them yay Mindy thank you hey Jeremy I assume Jeremy will not be participating in the what what in the butt episode can we stick this in the video we can stick little things in Jeremy's butt we can stick little things in Jeremy's butt I have really little things is it gonna be like you stick the thing in Jeremy's butt and he has to guess what what is in his butt oh my god yes that's terrible that's awesome that's awesome look he's so down he's so smiling in here Jeremy's in come on take one for the team don't you love Skid Row Studios oh my god yes okay now the what what in the butt episode is starting to look a lot better a lot better yep yep oh wow we're out of time hey what's up hey uh this was us yeah the show's called Intellectual Kink if you didn't know um we're on the iTunes uh we're on the Twitter at Kinklectual and um on the Stitcher for those of you who have Android that's true and there's Skid Row has an iPhone app I'm Insidious Muse and I guess I'm service love that's still your name you haven't changed it oh god yes that is the name all right and uh we'll be back next week we might have a guest yes I hope so all right bye