Sequester, Chavez death, North Korea threats

Welcome to the Weekly Wrap-Up with Ken August, where we get you caught up in the week's biggest stories the least depressing way possible. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, at Weekly Wrap. You can listen to us live every Saturday at 6 o'clock Eastern Time at skidrowstudios.com. Real radio on the internet. Or catch our rebroadcast Sundays, 10 p.m. Eastern on Xtreme XM, channel 165. And get all the new episodes free by subscribing to the Weekly Wrap-Up at the iTunes Store. I am your host, Ken August. I am joined today, as always, by Drew Marks. How are you, buddy? I am doing well. Good show, good show. Thank you. We just had a lot of fun with that one. Over at, make sure you check out Bad Advice. Very funny show today, as it always is. We will also shortly be joined by Jeff Hendrick. Even taking public... Public transportation and still hits traffic. That is nice. If you're like me and you enjoy a good book, but you know you're never going to actually sit down and read, do what I do, let somebody else read it to you. Get a free audio book download at audibletrial.com slash skidrowstudios. There's over 100,000 titles to choose from for your iPhone, Android, Kindle, or any other device that you can download a book on. Also great for traveling, so you don't have to talk to whoever is sitting next to you. Finally, take all the work out of reading. Download any free audio book today by going to audibletrial.com slash skidrowstudios. All right, coming up later in the show, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez dies after a long battle with cancer, yet somehow the U.S. still got blamed for it. Plus, North Korea threatens to cancel the 1953 ceasefire that ended, or should I say paused, the Korean War. Have you noticed, Drew, how bad things have gotten in North Korea since Dennis Rodman left? And the Cardinals are all now... Well, you know, he's a hell of an envoy. He is good. We got a clip of him later on. It's actually enjoyable, this guy. Nobody... Nobody works a word like Dennis Rodman. And all the Cardinals are now gathered at the Vatican for the upcoming conclave. First rule of Pope Club, you don't talk about Pope Club. In sports, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco is now the highest-paid player in NFL history. I don't have a joke for that. The joke is that Joe Flacco is the highest-paid player in NFL history. But first, the sequester is so last week. Congress is now trying to figure out a way to avoid the upcoming government shutdown. So you're telling me Congress can do less than they're doing now? Let's listen to this from CNN. I am not. I am not a dictator. I'm the president. I know that this has been some of the conventional wisdom that's been floating around Washington, that somehow, even though most people agree that I'm being reasonable, that most people agree I'm presenting a fair deal, the fact that they don't take it means that I should somehow, you know, do a Jedi mind meld with these folks and convince them that I'm a good guy. And I'm going to do what's right. What I can do is I can make the best possible case for why we need to do the right thing. So that was President Obama talking about the sequester. Now, the sequester is so boring that the only thing reported from that speech is that Obama confused Star Trek's mind meld with Star Wars' Jedi mind trick. They've made a big deal out of that. Hey, media, this is not the story you're looking for. I mean, nobody seems to care. Nobody really seems to care. The budget, and you know what? I'm going to give you credit as well. I tried to shake that. I tried to set off and not have to give you credit. But you were talking last week as to how you think this is going to play perfectly into the Republicans' favor. This is what they wanted. They get to say, hey, look, he cut stuff. So they argued as to, hey, we don't want to cut this much. We do want to cut a bunch. We don't want to cut a bunch. And the deal was, all right, well, if we can't come to a deal, we'll just cut a bunch of stuff, which one side wanted. Yeah. Well done by them, I will say then, if that's the case. And now, in order to try to ease any of the blame that everybody thought they were going to get, they are figuring out ways to give Obama and other departments their own certain discretions as to how to move the budget cuts around. But again, that plays into making him look bad. In other words, what they wanted to do is basically pass the buck by saying, well, listen, across the board, cuts are bad. So we want to give the president the power and the ability to pick and choose, you know, with the scalpel thing, where he wants to do it. But all that does is, oh, now he gets the responsibility of pissing off whoever suffers from that cut. Yeah. And they don't have to take any responsibility. That's why the president's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not just putting it on me. Which they seem to be doing. Well, he doesn't. Unfortunately, there's no real choice. Yeah. I mean, and the thing is, is they talked about the sequester as much as they, almost as much as they talked about the fiscal cliff before that, a couple of months before that. And the problem is, is nobody seemed to care about the sequester. The sequester hit, people don't see sudden, sudden tragic things. Some people are affected, a lot of people are not yet affected by it. So they don't, you know, they don't see it. Plus the name. I think the sequester had the same problem as the second Daniel Craig Bond movie. People were like, quantum of solace. Is that, is that a thing? Is that bad? I don't, I don't know what that is. That is what I think was going on. But what annoys me even more about this is, is between that and the government shutdown that they're talking about, which the fact that this is a thing also, like, you know what? We didn't come to a deal. So we're just going to have to start Well, now they're saying they have to avoid the government shutdown, which is obviously like, you know, how is that not something you have to do? Every crisis they have set up, the fiscal cliff, the sequester, now the government shutdown, everything has this crazy man-made, these, you know, set deadline that these people set themselves and then go, oh, well, we have to avoid this. That's why we set it. And then usually they can't avoid it or they come up with a deal and someone goes, oh, well, this was a shitty deal, but we had to, we're under pressure. Well, the other thing is, if, they set the sequester up. They're like, okay, we're going to make this thing. We arbitrarily created this thing and said, it's going to be so bad. We'll have to come to, you know, an agreement to avoid it. They could just as, all they had to do when they, and they were all saying this is bad. It's all bullshit because all they had to do is go, let's just vote to change it. It doesn't happen. They set a deadline that they could have changed or just eliminated completely. At any given moment. Yes. Now, you know what? That's why I say, the one side wanted that to happen. They didn't come out publicly and say they wanted it to. No, I think also, Obama was not afraid of it happening because I think at that time, he figured the, I'm not saying he wanted it, but I'm thinking their camp, his camp figured this is going to be blamed on the Republicans. And it, the Republicans did a good job of weaseling out. What drives me nuts is that if they don't come to a deal and they start shutting stuff down, you know what's exempt from that? Congress's salary. Yeah, of course. So, hey, we couldn't come to a deal which causes everything else to shut down, but we're going to keep getting paid for not doing anything. Yeah. And not to mention, the House worked what, like 148 days last year? Mm-hmm. 148 days. And they're going, hey, and we couldn't come up with a deal. And they spent a good portion of that time. We're going to cut everything else. And we'll spend a lot of that time voting for shit that we know won't happen just to prove a point. We're going to keep voting to get rid of Obamacare. There's not a lot of reasonable people, although I will say, you know where, you know what my happy place is. You have a happy place? You know, what's my happy place? I don't know what your happy place is. You do know my happy place. Where do I go all the time? What's right next to my house? Oh, Costco? Yes. Yeah, Costco is that place. You know, the CEO said. What's that? He actually came out and endorsed raising the minimum wage, but even higher than the president wanted. He wanted to make it like 10 bucks an hour. Ah, good for him. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Hendrick. What's happening? Oh, man, this is why you don't take public transportation to the city of Los Angeles, ladies and gentlemen, because it just doesn't get you there. Hey, you know what? You get to drive back with me and we'll hit a completely different traffic on the way back, so that'll be good. Actually, it'll probably be the same people. Yeah. Just stuck and not going anywhere. To get on the Costco point, he makes like a half, $500,000 a year. Yeah. It's his top salary. All his starting employees make at least $1,125 an hour, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Papa John's guy, screw you. Exactly. Oh, John Shop, you and your lousy pizza. We all know Costco doesn't make much money. Yeah, exactly. Now, also to wrap this thing up and what we were talking about with the set deadlines that they like to set for themselves, Obama advisors, they're now, they're not talking with other people. They're not talking with the leadership anymore. They're saying they're looking for people who are willing to add some, you know, to add in some tax revenue as well to cut a deal. So he's meeting with a whole bunch of other people, but not Boehner, not Mitch McConnell. He says, we're looking for people. Right. He says, we're looking for Republicans who are willing to actually work across the aisle. And Obama's advisor said, we're hoping that once we get past this heightened pressure of the government shutdown, if we can eliminate, if we can avoid that, hopefully without that pressure, we can then all talk. And you're like, if you really think that's the case, why do we keep setting up a freaking deadline every two to three months if you don't think you perform well under that pressure? Because that gives the Republicans an additional opportunity every two to three months to cut Medicare and Social Security. Or at least to argue about it. Or argue about it. Or get everybody up in a hullabaloo. Yeah. A hullabaloo. Nice. Nice. All right. So according to Mitt Romney, by the way, if we would have elected him, we wouldn't be in this mess. Mitt came out of his living pod this week to talk to Fox News. Here is Mitt addressing his famous 47% comment. Yeah, it was a very unfortunate statement that I made. It's not what I meant. I didn't express myself as I wished I would have. You know, when you speak in private, you don't spend as much time thinking about how something could be twisted and distorted and could come out wrong and be used. But, you know, I did. And it was very harmful. What I said is not what I believe. The weakness that our campaign had, that I had, is we weren't effective in taking my message primarily to minority voters, to Hispanic Americans, African Americans, other minorities. That was a real weakness. We did very well with the majority population, but not with minority populations. And that was a failing. Where do I begin with this clown pants? First of all, white people, if you cumulatively are no longer the majority, that's something that white people have really got to get used to. Yeah. Yeah. I like how it's like my own words. Well, he says, yeah, he says, misinterpreted as opposed to, well, I mean, I said something and it was interpreted the way it was said. Yeah, well, that's what drives me nuts is, and not just him, when people get caught doing stuff, I don't mind people changing their opinion or changing their mind. But when you get caught doing something and you apologize, but you apologize mostly because you got caught. That's it. And so, I mean, To those I might have offended? Yes. If you're offended. Yeah. So for him saying that when you're speaking in private, you don't think about how your words can be distorted. Well, first of all, you were giving a speech and there were your words, you wrote them in a speech. So to say, well, I didn't say what I felt. Well, then you're not very good at writing speeches because that is what you wrote to say to these people. It's not the problem. It's not the problem. Mitt Romney's not known for speaking off the cuff. No, there's no cuff. But that was not the cuff. That's the annoying thing. That's what I'm saying. Prepared remarks. Yeah, that's my point. And you might have not done well with minorities, Mitt, because of two words, self-deportation. Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing. It's like getting our message across. No, no, the problem was your message wasn't good for them. It's not a message, it's policy. It's not a problem with communicating your message. It's a problem with the message you're communicating. Ooh. Yes, yes. Bumper sticker. Put that on a bumper sticker. But I mean, now some Republicans are seeing that. We're talking about with the numbers, the demographics changing, and they're going, you know what, we're going to have to start changing our stance on gay marriage, on immigration, because otherwise we're going to lose out on large groups of voters. Which is possibly going to cause... Oh yeah, what do they call that other group? A women. Everyone else. A women, yeah. You know, the 52% of the population. So is this going to cause a split in the Republican Party? I mean, I don't know how they... Hopefully. I mean, CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference, is next week. And all the great minds of the conservative movement will be there. Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, and Newt Gingrich will all speak. And Rick Perry will be there, but I don't think anyone wants to make him try to remember a whole speech. And so, the other guy, who's the Jesus, dude? Oh, Santorum? Santorum. Yeah. He's also, I believe, a noun or a verb. He's something gross. I just love how they don't invite the only reasonable ones. They did not invite the most popular Republican in New Jersey's Chris Christie. Here he is talking about it on New Jersey Today. Yeah, apparently I haven't been invited. They don't want to invite me? That's their call. It's their organization. It's their business. And they get to decide who they want to have come and not come. It's not like I'm lacking for invitations to speak. No. Or eat. But, no. Fat joke. Yeah, no, I don't get it. They're saying, if it came with a video, you would get it. They're saying that he wasn't invited because, well, for two main reasons. One, because he pushed for what they called a pork-laden, $60 billion Hurricane Sandy relief bill. They would have rather him take more time to work out less pork and that. And, he looks like a man who likes pork, He gave accolades to the president. Yes, he gave accolades to the president and he just, signed up with the federal government to expand Medicaid, which they don't like either. So, they're saying, hey, he was a fan favorite. You know why he's expanding Medicaid in New Jersey? Because they need it. And, it works there. It's actually a decent way to deliver healthcare. I mean, a lot of people like to complain about it. That was the thing. Had he called it Medicare for everybody as opposed to the Affordable Care Act and let it get stamped as Obamacare, I think it, you know, it's a matter of, it's all sales. Yeah. It's all sales pitches. And the Republicans are better at staying on message. They get one lie and they hammer it until it looks like the truth. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. All right. So, also in Congress, the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday approved a measure that would make the practice of illegally buying guns for someone else a felony. My first question is, how is that not already the case? My second question is, how did seven of eight Republicans vote against that? I'll give you the answer. I will, you know, the NRA is the answer behind the answer. Senator Jim Cornyn of Texas said, well, it looks like we're doing something to show that we're doing something, but in the end, it's not going to be effective to stop gun crimes. So, just don't do anything. He didn't say the don't do anything part. He stopped before don't do anything. Well, that's always kind of a smokescreen argument. It's like, it's not going to completely fix the problem, so let's not do it. If I can think of a way around it, then there's no reason to put up any laws. Okay, well then, can we all just drink and do whatever drugs we want and take whatever pills we want? No. Why? No. Why? Because, you know, no. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. All right, last week, we talked about this. Do you guys know Jeremy back there? He's living proof that you can. Oh, yeah. Last week, we talked about the Supreme Court, which is hearing a challenge to the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Apparently, some counties that have had their discriminatory acts halted by the Voting Rights Act would now like the freedom to figure out new ways to discriminate. Something cool happened in the meantime, by the way. U.S. Representative John Lewis, a hero of the Civil Rights Movement who marched with Dr. King, was moved to tears when he received the badge and an apology from the Montgomery, Alabama police chief for an incident in 1965. in 1961, where they failed to protect the protesters. I thought that was really, really cool. That's just amazing that he's still around and he's part of the process. Yes. That's really cool. He was beaten on TV in 1961, and everybody went, holy shit, that's what this racism looks like? We've got to do something. Everybody in California freaked out. What? Montgomery police chief Kevin Murphy, he's the guy who did it and good for him. You know, that was actually touching, and he gave it to him, and then the hug. The hug that they had afterwards was, it looked like it meant so much. It looked like it meant to John Lewis, which is fantastic. Lastly, I wanted to mention this. Kentucky Senator and Donald Trump hair double Rand Paul filibustered the confirmation of John Brennan as the new head of the CIA. Senator Paul spoke for almost 13 straight hours Wednesday, proving that he's going to make a great wife someday. This is him talking about it to the only channel that will listen to this much crap in one day, C-SPAN. Arise today to begin to filibuster John Brennan's nomination for the CIA. I will speak to the CIA until I can no longer speak. I will... Okay, he's done. Nice! ...speak as long as it takes until the alarm is sounded from coast to coast that no American should be killed by a drone on American soil without first being charged with a crime. No one will ever forget Jane Fonda swiveling around in North Vietnamese armored guns. That's one thing if you want to try her for treason, but are you going to just drop a drone hellfire monster? missile on Jane Fonda? Well, I would. Jesus. Now, the funny thing is they get a letter from Eric Holder saying, apparently you asked this question and it's like, no, the president cannot. And then he's like, okay, but I would still like more answers. It's like, you just got an answer to your question. He said he was satisfied with that answer and he started winding it down after he got it. He didn't have that answer when he started his filibuster. No, but he's still, he's still saying now he's still talking about it. He's still trying to call attention to the drone program. If I may, if I may, if I may. Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi. Remember, it's not panic, everyone, until you wave your arms. Yes, that is. It's, it's, it's the latest boogeyman. Well, here's the thing is, let me, let me take a rare occasion to defend Rand Paul. I will not allow it. Well, it's going to happen. I won't, first of all, Rand put on a hat. Second of all, it's, I don't disagree with him. In this specific case, we're talking about drone. Now, here's the thing is, I understand and I don't think that he's necessarily coming from the pure place that he's pretending because if Bush was in office, he wouldn't, I don't think he would have this problem with it or at least wouldn't be drawing this much attention to it. However, I can't. It's also not happening. I can't, well. There's that. They, but we are expanding a drone program that we didn't used to have. So he didn't say it's happening. No. He's saying, he's saying when a, when a report came out that said we can kill Americans on foreign soil, he's saying, can we not kill Americans on our soil? Can I get an answer? And he's saying, he didn't get an answer for a while. I don't have a problem with pressuring that. It's a good question, but it was poorly asked. Well, you know, to filibuster the nomination. I thought it was cool. I hate to say it. I thought it was cool in the aspect of, he even started that filibuster off with, oh, it's going to happen. I know this guy's going to get approved. Right. I am just drawing attention to it. And as opposed to the way that they have filibustered other shit, which was not the, I'm going to man up and stand there and talk for 10 hours. They're just not going to be there. Right. Oh yeah. This was well done. That's what I'm saying. I don't have a problem even if I don't fully agree with where the motivation is coming from. And I'm not judging his motivation, but I'm saying, even if you don't, I don't have a problem with someone saying, hey, I'm right. As opposed to, I'm just doing what, you know, my lobbyist people who are paying me to say, say. So I don't have a problem with that. I don't know about the Jane Fonda part of it. That seemed kind of fun, but I don't have a problem. I think she deserves a hellfire missile for all those workout videos. That's all I'm saying. That is, she looked so hot back then. All right. You were listening to the weekly wrap up with Ken August on Extreme XM 165. Get every episode by subscribing free at the iTunes store or catch us live every Saturday, six o'clock Eastern time at Skid Row Studios, Real Radio on the internet. Is she, but is she Mary Tyler Moore hot for you? Because I know you. Black and white Mary Tyler Moore? No, nobody was. Nobody was. Black and white Mary Tyler Moore? Different story. I've tried to, I've gone up to the Mary Tyler Moore show, gone to the TV and turned the color off to see if it helped. She, you know, I forget, it doesn't remove 15 years. No. No, so did not. All right, moving on to foreign affairs. We got Venezuelan president and master of the silent H, Hugo Chavez, died this week. This is from ABC News. With the death of strongman Hugo Chavez, the unpredictable president of Venezuela, it could have a major impact here in the United States. After all, Chavez controlled more oil reserves than Saudi Arabia. This morning, this country, the fourth largest provider of oil to the U.S., is in political flux. Late Tuesday, Chavez's handpicked successor, interim president Nicolas Maduro, expelled two American military attachés from the country, accusing them of trying to destabilize the army. In a rambling speech, Maduro hinted that Chavez, who'd suffered from an undisclosed type of cancer, had been poisoned by foreign elements, including the U.S., an assertion the State Department is now calling absurd. The U.S. had hoped Chavez's death might soothe 14 years of tension with the Venezuelan government. Chavez had become notorious for his bluster. You are a donkey, Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush, you are a donkey, Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush, Mr. Bush, Mr. Bush, Mr. Bush, President George W. Bush is one of his favorite targets. I believe he said donkey because he didn't know the phrase jackass. Eeyah. George W. Bush was a lot of people's favorite target. As far as being responsible for his death, we're a country that uses drones to kill people. I can't see us saying, let's give him cancer and wait 14 years. We're not that subtle. No. Or patient. Unless you can drop cancer from a drone and have it explode all over him. No, I don't think so. Oh, great, great. If any of you are Now, if anyone from the DOD is listening, they just got an idea. And everybody else, send your hate letters to Drew Mark. No, if I was going to get hate letters, I would have gone with the joke of like, could you imagine if he did that with the current president, but instead of donkey, it just sounded like darky? Yeah, well, that's, again, like I said, send your hate letters. Send your hate mail, courtesy. If it wasn't appropriate before, send it now. I know as little about Hugo Chavez as anybody else that I have been told to hate. I don't know a lot. I had to look him up. Thank you. I don't know if you guys remember this, but years ago, and this was a long time because I was living in Jersey, when we had spikes in oil prices, like this was when we were talking rations and things like that, he sent a bunch of free oil to the United States to be given to poor people. He still does that. He still does that. Yeah. Still does that. Free heating oil. Well, he did it there. No, no, I hear you, but I'm saying he still does that here. Like we still have- For us, yeah. Yeah, we still have- We still have some sort of oil program for that. Basically, he sends certain amount of oil over for poor people as well, which the whole thing is, like, I mean, we don't, he nationalized certain industries and things along those lines, which we will complain about here and which apparently Republicans assume Obama's doing at some point in time somehow. Apparently not well. Not even close. And oddly enough, it resulted in the stock market making record highs. Yeah, exactly. Worst socialist ever. Not good at it. But for a guy who- Who we're supposed to dislike- Right. So much. He has done, I mean, he really has made poor, the poor people in his country- Yeah. He made them a focal point of his whole policy, all his policies. And I mean, they, I'm trying to find the numbers here, but the numbers dropped drastically. Here you go. Poverty rate fell from 48.6% before he got in office to 29.5% seven years later when he was still in office after a couple of terms. I mean, that's- That's a hell of a number. That's a hell of a number. That's amazing. Because you've got to look at that in human terms and not percentages. That's a ton of people. And that's from the UN index. That's not him saying, oh, by the way, everything's good. Everything's good here. Like we do here. Yeah. So it'll be interesting. I believe Iran does that too. Yeah. Well. It'll be interesting to see how this, how this all plays out if it changes our relationship with him. Although the, his, his vice president, who is now at least in charge until the next election. Ramling Joe? Yeah. He is also, he has reiterated. It's probably America's- It's his fault that he died of cancer, that Chavez died of cancer. And they have decided to embalm him and put him in a glass case for everybody to see forever. You did just make that up. No, I did not. Oh, you're kidding. No, like Lenin, like Mao and Stalin used to be there. And like Trigger. Yes. Nice. You know who was at his funeral was- Jesse Jackson. Jesse Jackson and Sean Penn made an appearance. Yeah. I heard he was going to do that. Really? You hear that shit? That's nice. It was on the, it was on the interwebs. That series of tubes. That is nice. It's elsewhere in the world, angry over new UN sanctions. North Korea vows to cancel the Korean War ceasefire. That's, that's- Not to mention nuke the states. Yeah. Well, that's bad. Yeah. You know what this means? I think it means all military personnel from 1953 have to get back into position. Is that what that means? Perfect. That's nice. And Nick at night is going to be running the shit out of MASH now. Yeah, that is, that is probably true. North Korea had claimed success in making a lighter and smaller nuclear device after testing it last month. That test prompted China. China's biggest ally to join every other member of the UN Security Council to vote for a third round of sanctions. Nice. Yeah. When you piss off your big brother like that, that's not good. No. North Korea, by the way, responded calmly by canceling all non-aggression pacts with South Korea, closing the border and threatening a preemptive nuclear strike on the US. And turning off the phone. Yeah. And by the way, yeah, we're closing this border and here goes our hotline to South Korea. Great. Great. Well, the thing that they keep saying is that the, you can tell the difference between North Korea and South Korea best from space at night, because South Korea, there's, hey, there's development, there's light. North Korea's fucking dark. Yeah. There's nothing going on. It's, it's. And that's when Rodman's not there. Hello, everybody. That's because when Rodman's there, you can see the light from the crack pipe. All of this, all of this aggravation coming from North Korea, despite the best efforts from our top rebounding diplomat, Dennis Rodman. If you haven't heard, former NBA player, Dennis Rodman was hanging with Kim Jong Un last week in North Korea when he traveled there with the Harlem Globetrotters. Here is our master diplomat, Dennis Rodman, talking on ABC this week. Oh, God. This is good. This is good. You can't teach this kind of shit. He's a friend of me. That's about it. So you're going to go back? I'm going, yes, I am. I'm going to go back and do one thing and find out more. What's really going on? Find out more. More. Okay. Next time you go back, you should bring this report from the Human Rights Watch with you and maybe ask me questions about that as well. You might learn a lot more and it might press him as well. But thank you. Thank you for coming on this morning and sharing your impressions. Either way, either way. Guess what I know? Here's the report. Guess what? Here's the report. Okay. Guess what? Guess what? Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Guess what? Don't hate me. Guess what? Don't hate me. You can't teach that. How high is he? He stole that. He stole that. That's what every diplomat we should be getting who has done at least one season of celebrity rehab. Here's the thing. He stole that exact line from Hillary Clinton. That was, guess what? Guess what? Here's the, before I heard that, I read the quote. And I'm like, this has to be, like somebody must have just leaned on something on the keyboard. Because guess what? Guess what? Thanks for the report. Guess what? Don't hate me. Guess what? Guess what? Don't hate me. Like you can't, you can't teach that. That's crackalicious. So we send him and he leaves and Kim Jong-un's got to be going, oh my God, that whole country's retarded. What is going on over there? Oh, I got to figure this. Some of the Globetrotters can form a complete sentence. Those guys are pretty cool. You didn't speak with them. I think they were working. They were working. They were on the, they were on the court. Actually, I have no idea what they were doing. No, no, no hanging with Metal Ark? I think, I know, I think Metal Ark has been retired since 1948. No Chow Chabow with Curly? The Curly Neal and Metal Ark Lemon. I remember them. Those guys are not around. No, but, but they, they were great on the Scooby-Doo episode I saw. Let's go from one secretive nation to the, another secretive nation, Vatican City. This is, this is from Fox News. And at the Vatican, that's where the Cardinals will meet in secrecy to choose the new leader of the Catholic Church and more than a billion Catholics worldwide. They do the election inside. The Sistine Chapel. Now, the Cardinals meeting at the Vatican today for a third straight day to talk about the final preparations. Bill, as you know, we've been hanging on every word from the American Cardinals who have been briefing the press on a daily basis about what's been going on in these meetings. But they have been silenced or they've decided to self-silence because there were stories in the press that were just divulging too much detail about what was going on inside those meetings. That those weren't necessarily coming, by the way, from the American Cardinals. It takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes Naked gelato parties. Secrecy. That's what was going on. Secrecy from the Cardinals. Meet the new Pope, same as the old Pope. Is that not what we're getting? Bumper sticker. Yes. I'm leading the league in bumper stickers. You are, but the catering's good. It's all Boy Scout cookies. Oh, everybody. That's true. If you take out the word cookies. Oh. Yeah, thank you. The American Cardinals were asked to keep quiet about how much they like screwing boys. What? Keep that quiet. Too soon? I will say, no, too soon, no. I will say, by the way, that U.S. Congress should actually take a page from the Cardinals and lock themselves in a damn room until they come up with a deal. That is the one thing that I will say, hey, you know what? This religion's on to something. It's the lock them in a room until they come up with a goddamn deal is not a bad call. Not a bad call. They're probably not going to use goddamn in a sentence, but otherwise, I think they should do it. Oh, well. So they've been there. They've accepted two letters. They've been there for a few days. The conclave starts on Tuesday, I believe they said. They have... Basically, they've spent, you know, the days talking about stuff. They've accepted two letters of, hey, I'm not going to be there. One from Keith O'Brien. One from a guy who cited health reasons. Another one from Keith O'Brien of Scotland who basically was like, hey, sorry, I've been hitting on men, so... Yeah, if I show up, I'm going to run into, like, at least four ex-boyfriends and I simply can't have it. Yeah. The guy I'm seeing now gets very jealous. So these guys, before they do the conclave and lock themselves in the room, they're saying, well, they're talking about upcoming issues and what they're going to want from the Pope. Among the issues is how to tackle the issue of child sex abuse by priests. And here's what pisses me off as much as any of this shit is that that's an acceptable topic even. In this way, not that it shouldn't be discussed, but how many other choices do you have? Turn the freaking rapist into the cops. Yeah, that's like zero tolerance, my friends. Hey, guys, how should we deal with kid rape? Are we pro? Should we vote? Do you want to vote? Like, what the hell? How is that a topic? I don't understand how that's not a... You would think it should be a fairly short discussion. You would think, yet it's taken him 2,000 years. Are we going to whack this fucking guy or what? Wait, let me... So you're saying that the kids do like it. Is that what you're saying? Well, Father, what if the kid's really coming on to me? Yeah. Okay, here's another question, by the way. He's just really cute. Have you seen the video of this? Can the Jews sue for copyright infringement? For that red beanie that all the cardinals... That's obviously a yarmulke, a painted yarmulke. Can you not get... I mean, we've been around longer. Can we not sue for copyright infringement? I don't know. I'm sure if we can, the Jews will figure out a way to do it. Sorry, Vic. I know you hate that joke somewhere. Sorry, buddy. Well, here's the thing. Another thing. You're in this lovely long gown and a hat wearing a lot of bling and carrying a staff and wearing little red slippers, and you don't like gay people? How is that possible? You are the parade. You are the parade. Thank you. Thank you. Of course, Cardinal Roger Mahoney, who's a horrible man and is a retired Archbishop of Los Angeles who was known to help protect molesting priests, he will be there to vote because that seems to make a lot of sense. Well, he's an expert on the one thing that they should not be doing. Yes. And I like the fact that one of the favorites, one of the favorites to become Pope is Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana. By the way, Peter Turkson does not sound like a name from Ghana. Yeah, he sounds like one of the monkeys. Yeah. He... You know what? By the way, by the way, that was not a racist joke, but if you thought it was, send your hate mail to Drew Lawrence. No, I mean the actual music group, The Monkees. I understand what you mean, but you're always on the line, so I'm going to... Here he comes. Yes. Walking down the street. So he... I'm going to be Pope now. They ever want to meet. How do you... Can you sing that in a different language? Whatever they speak in Ghana. Can you sing it? Awesome. Nice. Nice. Dumb potato. Dumb potato. Click your hate mail to Drew Lawrence. Okay, so here's my way. Here is what that candidate did, which cracks me up, because this is so old school of a cardinal. He tweeted, your continued prayers help us discern God's will. Okay, so can I just say that if God was paying that close attention, you probably wouldn't have the freaking sex scandals that you have. He's listening to your tweets to decide who should be next Pope, and he didn't figure out the last guy was an asshole? Nice. That's nice. The former Pope, Pope Benedict the Creepy is going to be moving into an apartment in Vatican City. But before he... But if he really wants to get close to God, he should move into the retirement home in Bakersfield, California. They're going to let him die immediately. Listen to this part of this 911 call. Is she breathing? Is she breathing? No. Yeah, we can't do CPR. Okay, then hand the phone to the pastor by. If you can't do it, I need to hand it to the pastor by. I'll have her do it. Or if you've got any... Any... Citizens there, I'll have them... No, no. Anybody there can do CPR. Give them the phone, please. This woman's not breathing enough. She's going to die if we don't get this started. I don't understand why you're not willing to help this patient. Is there anybody that works there that's willing to do it? We can't do that. Are we just going to wait? We're going to let this lady die? Well, that's why we're calling 911. We can't wait. She can't wait right now. She is stopping breathing. Is there anybody that's willing to help this lady and not let her die? Not at this time. Not at this time. Nice. Apparently at Glenwood Gardens... Maybe later. Wow. Way to bring the show down. Yeah. Apparently at Glenwood Gardens, CPR stands for Child, Please Resuscitate Yourself. Oh, man. We just actually... I just looked at Jeremy through the window and we got a holy shit out of the big fella. Yeah, no kidding, brother. Yeah. Their policy, by the way... Now, initially when that happened, the woman... Seven minutes. It took seven minutes for the ambulance to get there. They never did anything. The ambulance got there, took her, and she died. Yeah. Duh. Now, I'm not saying that... I'm not saying she would have been fine. Otherwise, but, you know, we know she's not fine now. The... Initially, the initial reaction from the company that owns this place said she followed protocol. The nurse followed protocol. She described herself as a nurse, identified herself as a nurse. They're saying she was not a nurse. She was a different kind of staff member, like a resident services director. A waitress? She was a resident services director, not a nurse, technically, and they're saying that they don't have a license to... to give, you know, to actually give any sort of medical coverage. So, therefore, their policy, according to them, their policy is to call emergency and then wait by the body. So, they're not actually helping you. They're just guarding the body. Notice they call it the body already. It's gonna be dead. You know? Oh, man. We thought corpse was a weird-sounding word, so I just... I had my hesitations on bringing Grandma to a place called Park and Die, but... Jeez. They're there. They're literally... They're saying, look, we're not going to... Our policy... Shady carcass. Our policy is not to help, but we will guard the body in case somebody... Excuse me. Hey, is that... We'll make sure it doesn't get eaten by rats before they get here. Hey, is that dying body spoken for? Yes, yes. It's dying body. Thank you. Thank you very much. Welcome to really shady acres. Yeah. I mean, and the thing is, now they have said the woman is on voluntary leave. She misunderstood the policy. Now, I understand... Oh, no. They're gonna... They're gonna dump it on her door, aren't they? This poor gal. Yeah. Well, poor gal, my ass. I mean, here's the thing is, they do have a policy. This place has three different places. They have one that is a complete medical facility. They have one that is assisted where they don't do medical, but they help you with your day-to-day stuff. This was more of a... Park and die. Yes. This was more of an old person's apartment complex. However, if I drop almost... If I drop and can't breathe in the freaking supermarket, I hope somebody helps me and they don't go, no, no, let me go get a license. Chances are they will. Not if they know. Not if they know. Home is accurate, yes. The family, shockingly, is not suing as of yet until somebody... I can't imagine how many phone calls from lawyers. I believe I read the woman's daughter was a nurse. They are currently, as of now, their statement was it was our beloved mother and grandmother's wish to die naturally and without any kind of life-prolonging intervention. I think it depends on what is intervention. And she was a complete bitch. Yeah. And she was getting expensive as well. Ow. Yeah. Expensive, cranky bitch. What qualifies as life-prolonging intervention? I mean, I understand it. I got no problems. I got no problems. Yes, but I mean... No, my mom is a DNR, but I'm pretty sure just a little... DNR meaning do not resuscitate? Do not resuscitate, yeah. This woman did not have do not resuscitate according to the people that showed up at the ambulance. However, what is your, like, I mean, here's the thing is, yes, I know that you're choking and I can give you the Heimlich maneuver, but I don't want to intervene. Like, where is the intervene start? Right. I was just having a discussion about this last night with the medic. I work on a TV show and the medic, we were talking, we were talking about it because the news story came on. He goes, no, any nurse, it's like, you were supposed to help wherever you can. It's like, it's ridiculous. Well, she said she, now they're saying she was not a nurse, but like I say, fact is, and that was just segments of it. Right, but they were saying if they're a passerby outside, she wasn't even looking. It's like, can you go outside in the street? I cut out, I cut out all sorts of that call. That was almost a seven minute phone call. I cut out, where they handed the phone. People were handing the phone back and forth. The lady was like, can you do something? And she's like, they'll go 20 seconds without responding. And then all of a sudden, it's a different person talking. They're just handing the phone off. Nobody wanted to do shit. Did she call Congress? Hello, everybody. Is this on? You are listening to the Weekly Wrap Up with Ken August on Xtreme XM 165. Get every episode by subscribing free at the iTunes store or catch us live every Saturday, six o'clock Eastern at Skid Row Studios, real radio on the internet. So do you think, by the way, that they changed that policy? Or do they just, because there's a lot of places apparently with that policy. Too bad my roommate George wasn't there. He was like, would you do something? Okay. Yeah, George is. Whatever you ask him, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. It took Drew months to realize that his tenant doesn't speak English. He does. He's just, he's a man of very few words. One of them. Yes, he's a man of one word. That is very nice. It's a good word though. It's very. Oh no, Drew no home. Drew no home. No, he doesn't. He is, he may be the single most positive individual I have ever encountered. I've encountered you by doing that. Yes. All right. It's like, it's not family guy at my house. I'm saying he's like the most proactive I'll get it done individual I have ever encountered. Please don't deport me. Unless get it done has to do with having a conversation because that he won't do. Please let me stay in your country. All right, let's talk a little sports. What the, what makes somebody the best at what they do? Well, if you judge it by who makes the most money, then Joe Flacco is the best quarterback in football. This is from NFL Network. Well, last year, Joe Flacco said he was the best quarterback in football. This season, had the greatest quarterback playoff run since Joe Montana. 11 touchdowns, no interceptions in the postseason, won the Super Bowl, goes to Disney World, visits with David Letterman, and today, gets a new contract that will set him and his family up for life. Nice. At 20.1 million a year, Joe Flacco is the highest paid player in football. You know how many little kids are running around saying, I want to be like Joe Flacco? Eight. Eight. Eight.! Eight kids in Baltimore. Not anymore. All in this neighborhood, yeah. Now, there's a lot of adults that want to be Joe Flacco, but kids? Come on, who, right off the top of your head, because I have a list of the 10 highest paid NFL players, but right off the top of your head, what quarterbacks would you take or would you pay more than Joe Flacco? Manning. Manning. Yes. Two Mannings. Brady. Brady. Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers. Drew Brees. Drew Brees, who became the highest paid NFL player at the beginning of the season. Right. When he signed his contract and then was beaten out by $100,000. Ryan Leaf. Ryan Leaf, not so good. You're gonna, he may be dominating his prison league. He's in jail right now. So, Joe Flacco just beat out Drew Brees, who signed a $20 million a year contract. Can you name any of the top 10? There is one, two, three, four. Well, Brady's certainly up there. Brady took a pay cut, although he increased his guaranteed money, but he took a pay cut. He is now number eight with 14, just over 14 mil. The first non-quarterback, Calvin Johnson. Megatron, the wide receiver of Detroit Lions, who deserves it. I mean, let me rephrase that. We're gonna talk about why the hell money in sports is so big in the first place and who you blame for that. But, as long as people are paying this kind of money, Calvin Johnson is a game changer. Then Eli Manning is fourth. Peyton Manning is third. Calvin Johnson fourth. Eli Manning fifth. Mario Williams would be the name nobody was gonna guess. Mario Williams, 16 mil. for the Buffalo Bills. Defensive end. I didn't even know Buffalo Bills had a defensive team. It's nice. Ow. Phillip Rivers, now overpaid. Larry Fitzgerald and Julius Peppers. Tenth on the list. Tenth highest paid person. This is not including endorsements. This is just per year for your salary. Makes 14 mil. a year. Who do you blame for the money? I mean, A-Rod, $30,000, $30,000, $30,000, $30,000, $30,000, $30,000 a year. Scott Boris. Isn't that his agent's name? Scott Boris, yeah. Scott Boris. That's who I blame. Partially. You know, A-Rod took the money and... A-Rod had to get rid of... First of all, this is what pissed me off about A-Rod. One of the people I blame, the numbers are always going up because sooner or later somebody gets the highest paid and then other players become better than him and they use him as a measuring stick. As a benchmark, yeah. Right. But A-Rod, what was it, over 10 years ago now, probably close to 15 years ago now, was with Texas. Well, wasn't with Texas, I'm sorry. Texas was trying to sign him and the owner decided to offer about $100 million more than the next offer. He's got some blame. So A-Rod, so the numbers are always going up, but this jumped up to $250 million for a 10-year contract. $25 million a year. Nobody else was even at 20. Yeah. He jumped all the way up and then years later, as he's declining, he says, you know what? My contract's not going to work. My contract's not going and the Yankees said, hey, don't opt out of your last year of your contract because we won't sign you back and he opted out and they went, we're not going to sign you back. He told his agent, let me call them myself and they gave him a raise. So he went from $25 million to $30 million. He told Scott Boris to stay, you know what? They don't like you, so let me do it and the assholes in the Yankee clubhouse or in their front office gave him a raise from already the most ridiculous contract in baseball. But it's hard to not blame. I mean, you blame the owners, you blame the union as well. Sorry, it's all absurd. I understand you're good at what you do. It's a sport. Right, but now here's the question. Do you think that if that much money, I mean, because contract, television contracts, things like that, there's hundreds of millions, billions of dollars. Like football's a multi-billion dollar industry. If all that money is going to be there and changing hands, should it just not, should that much not filter down to the players or are you just saying, because for me, take at least one zero off of everything. If not two zeros off of everything, these people are still paying, getting paid ridiculously well and now everybody doesn't have to go. The fans can actually afford to go. You can take your family. But that's just it. It's like, as long as you're not just leaving that money in the owner's pocket, of course, you know, I would say if you're collecting all that money and it's just going to go to the owner, then yeah, the players should get a bigger cut. But no, I think everybody needs to make less and you make it more acceptable to the people that are responsible for keeping it alive. Also, I would imagine that pretty soon if the amount's not going to come down, for damn sure, the amount of time on a contract is going to come down. It's going to be two million dollars, two years at 35 mil. Well, but it won't be because these guys aren't going to pay that much money for a guy that they think, well, if we do this now, in a year, we're going to have to revisit this contract because if he's good, in one year, he's going to renegotiate. Or he'll leave. Well, then. Right. And in one year, you don't want him to then go, like, that's the thing. That's why these guys get slightly longer contracts. They're happy to get all this money. But this is what's annoying and what people don't realize. When someone renegotiates, they sign a six-year contract and then they renegotiate it three years later and you're like, well, what the hell? Sometimes a guy's an asshole and goes, well, somebody now has more money than me and I want more money than him. But a lot of the times, it's, all right, let's organize this deal. I'll get a lot of the money up front. Let's say it's a $100 million contract. Pay me 50 of it up front and I'll barely make anything for the last four years. Okay, great. So now you get halfway through that contract and this player's gotten that money and he goes, I don't want to try. Right, he's going, no, well, he says, I'm still worth more than now the $5 million you're going to pay me. This other guy's getting $12 million and I'm better than him. Well, yeah, that's because we gave you all that money three years ago. Doesn't matter. My contract is way too low and they renegotiate. All right, then that's on the owners. If the guy's being a greedy prick and they don't, you can't, I mean, yes, but here's the thing. If you just had a concerted effort across the board, you know, with all teams, the fact is if they just said, you know what? Enough of this. We're going to lower ticket prices and we're not going to pay this. None of the teams are going to pay. It's not like these people are going to go, I'm going to do something else for a living. Right, but where is the limit? Because if you start talking about, I'll use Peyton Manning as an example, just because he's a great player. Peyton Manning's a free agent. All right, all these owners say, we're not going to go past here. Okay, great, but is there an actual ceiling where everybody's offering the same max? Because if that's the case, the best city wins. So now what do you do? Somebody has to go, well, we want to draw him to our city. We'll offer a little more. Well, someone else goes, well, he's going to make the difference between us being good or bad and he goes up a little bit. Ah, well then here, we'll make our city better. Yeah, that's great. We'll improve our school system to invite him and his wife. We'll make public transportation plentiful. Probably out of the hands of the GM of the baseball team, but yes. Then, do they have a salary cap on teams? In football, yes, I believe there is. There's a salary cap. Okay, so you make that salary cap lower and it pulls out. That's part of their bargaining every few years when they freak out. Part of their bargaining, the biggest- I'm suggesting you make it substantially lower. It's not going to, you know, if you make it a million dollars less, it doesn't change anything. No, I agree with you, but here's, here's where the problem with, I think that's a great idea. Like I said, I think they should drop one or two zeros and then that way we don't all have to pay ridiculous prices. I agree with that. The problem is, is it's not just the players, the union, the owners. For them to do that and the players to go, okay, great, aren't all, you have to get TV, these internet people, ticket sales, arenas, you got to get all of that shit to also come down because otherwise, billions are still going to the owners and the players are going, well, you can't do it without us, so give us our percentage. Yeah. And let's be honest, nobody's looking, that's, that's getting that much money. Nobody's looking to make less. I understand. And nobody's really looking for fair because, because most of these sports complexes have gone from, let's have as many people sitting there as possible to let's cancel out a lot of these seats and sell them to corporate. We'll take these spaces and we'll make a big box because instead of selling a hundred seats, Okay, I would like to appeal to the hundred million listeners of this show. Yes, please. Stop. Stop going to any and all sporting events for two years. That's just because you hate sports. No, I like sports. He likes, he likes boxing when that was a sport and he likes UFC. Bernard Hopkins is fighting tonight. Oh, nice. He's still alive? He's still alive? I guess it depends on your definition of alive, but fair enough. Is he fighting George Foreman? No, no, but hey, you know, he's still the oldest guy. He's the oldest guy to win a title in any, in any, yeah. So, but no, what I'm saying is if people like did, stop, that would change it and do it quickly. Yeah, I was given a free, yeah, no, I agree with that. Well, except I don't know how quickly because people would, they would come up with other ways to try to figure out. They wouldn't immediately go, well, let's draw. I think I like the theory, but these people were used to making X amount of money. They'll figure out ways to try to make. They would be unhappy, but seriously, if an empty stadium was the alternative. Yes. That's a theory. In practice, of course, that is simply not going to happen. I recognize that, but I'm saying that's, that's the motivational. I was given a free ticket to a Dodger game last year. Took the free ticket, went with a buddy, paid for the parking, got him and myself a hot dog and a beer, and it cost me almost 600 bucks. Wasn't that me? I took, no, no, I don't pay for anything when I'm with you. That's why I put out. Yeah, that's nice. It is, maybe I should leave again. You guys want to be alone? No, I didn't go to a Dodgers game. It was an Angels game. You know, Drew, you guys are both actually kind of lucky. Although, Jeff, you've watched hockey with me. I wanted to talk about the Blackhawks, Chicago Blackhawks streak, which they've gone half the season without losing in regulation. Then they lost last night. But they went. Really? Strike short in season. Yeah, they lost last night. Strike short in season. Right. So it's a 48 game season instead of 82. And they have gone 24 games. They were 21-0-3. The three are meaning they went through overtime, still tied, went into the shootout, lost in a shootout. So you get one point for that anyway. It's the longest streak in hockey by, a lot, by like at least 11 games of starting a season with point streak with at least a point in one game. Half the season without a regulation loss. And for, you know what, for a sport similar to, you know, I mean, not to the same level, but similar to the home run chase with McGuire and Sosa coming off a strike season, hockey already only has like 700 fans. And 690 of them are Canadian. But one of them is your old roommate, Mark. And he's got to be out of his mind right now being, he bleeds red wing red. Yes. Yes, he does. And, and, you know, like I said, I, as an Islanders fan, you know, while the strike was going on, at least we were still tied for first. Hello. That was nice. It's been tough. Chicago lost to Colorado yesterday. I think it's 6-2, but crazy run. My brother was actually just at a game two days ago. They were losing in the third period. He was there in Chicago. They were losing in the third period. Tied it up early in the third and then won it with 49 seconds left in the game. Place was going nuts. It was awesome. All right, let's get the headlines. Extra, extra, read all about it. Extra, extra, read all about it. Doctors. I thought when you moved age, the kid wasn't going to be able to find us. There he is. Doctors announced on Sunday that a baby had been cured of an HIV infection for the first time ever. For multiple reasons, they decided to name the baby Magic. It's a startling development, though, that could change how infected newborns are treated. Although prevention is also very important, we need to keep these babies off drugs and teach them how to use condoms. But, but that's, you know, at this point, they don't think it's going to affect adults. But they're going to have to try this same technique with other babies. A big part of this kid's cure, needle exchange program. Nice. Nice. They started him on antiretroviral drugs within 30 hours after his birth, which is almost never, ever done. But they assumed that the mother had HIV. So, 330,000 babies were newly infected in 2011, which is the most recent year. He's like the kid version of Keith Richards. Uh, maybe. One other person has been cured of HIV. Timothy Brown, if you guys know him, was a patient in Berlin who had leukemia, got a bone marrow transplant, and, uh, his donor was genetically resistant to HIV. I don't understand. It wouldn't, aren't we supposed to lock that person up and just keep testing him until we figure out how to make his bone marrow? Yeah, no, we just actually, we just keep drawing blood from the poor bastard until he dries up like a raisin. As if there wasn't enough shit to worry about in this world, you can now add killer sinkhole to the list. Last week, a 20-foot, wide sinkhole suddenly opened and a Florida home sucking down, sucked down a bedroom and killing one of its residents. Five months earlier, State Farm Insurance came to the same house, looked at it for sinkholes and went, nah, you're good. Like a good neighbor. Yeah. Like a good neighbor, you're on your own. It's all good neighbors. Sinkholes are here. Further proof that Florida sucks. Uh, by the way, another, a second sinkhole opened less than two miles away from the first one that killed Jeff Bush. Um. No relation? No relation. Not Jeb, Jeff. Uh, no relation. Still. Uh, you know, it would be, you know, tragic to guy die, but it would be great if he didn't die and he pops out of the other sinkhole. That would be phenomenal. Wow, that was weird. This is like Atari. I went through the screen. Uh, as of this upcoming April 25th, no longer will you ever have to sit on an airplane and think to yourself, man, I wish I had my knife. TSA has announced they plan to loosen some restrictions including small knives. So I guess midgets are still at risk of being stabbed though. Uh, you are now allowed, in your carry-on bag, novelty size baseball bats, small novelty, not big ones, toy plastic bats, billiard cues, ski poles, hockey sticks, and two golf clubs. If somebody's traveling with just two golf clubs. Good God, yeah, how good are you? If someone's traveling with just two golf clubs, I'm assuming they're there to swing it, people. I have a two iron and a putter and I will kick your ass, my friend. That's what I'm saying. That is nuts. So they're saying you can now bring knives on planes, uh, flight attendants, pilots. No skis, just a pole. Yeah. No, uh, flight attendants, pilots, air marshals, none of those insurance companies, nobody's happy about it. But hey, congratulations, we apparently beat terrorism, everybody. Nice. Uh, Taylor Swift, who I only know as the blonde girl who breaks up with everybody, is apparently not happy with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for making fun of her dating habits at the Golden Globes. In a Vanity Fair article, Swift said, there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women and that the girls' jokes were, quote, frankly, a little bit sexist. Okay, number one, I got three things here. Number one, Kristen Stewart Light, stop taking yourself so seriously. Number two, I don't think you know what sexist means. And number three, haven't you been 18 for like five years? How do you do that? Also, tough shit. I don't want to hear your music, but I got to hear it. So, lighten up, little girl. Yeah, I love Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, so the hell with her. And the joke was almost nothing. They told her to stay away from Michael J. Fox's kid. That's it. That was the whole joke. Stay away. Stay away from Michael J. Fox's kid and the other one was like, or go for it. She's like, no, she needs some me time. That's the whole joke. Oh, well then. Get a sense of humor, too. Yeah, get a sense of humor. The Daily Show's Jon Stewart. Shake it off. See, because of the Michael J. Fox thing. Oh. Really? Send your hate mail. Click, click, click, click, click. Oh. The Daily Show's Jon Stewart will be taking two months off this summer to direct his first feature film, forcing millions of liberals to get their news by actually watching the news. No. Jon Oliver will be filling in as host. Really? Yeah. For two months. I like Jon Oliver. It's going to be tough, though. Two months. Yeah. Now, you guys know the story of the movie he's doing. The Iranian. Yeah. This guy, this is incredible. He's, uh, Jon Stewart wrote the script, which is based on a book by a BBC journalist who was held captive for spying in Iran for 118 days. And part of why Jon Stewart's so interested in this story and he became friends with this guy is because part of the evidence they used against him was a bit that this guy did on The Daily Show. And then, and it was ridiculous. It was over the top. It was Jason Jones joking with the guy and they're like, look, you're a spy. I mean, it was like taking, you know, a Monty Python sketch and taking it seriously. It was ridiculous. And now for the prosecution, this witness, Ronald McDonald. Come on. Jody Arias, who was on trial for murdering her lover insists it was in self-defense when she shot him in the head. I'm assuming she still felt threatened when she slid his throat from ear to ear and stabbed him 27 more times. What? Yeah. Because I've only seen her and not known the specifics of the crime. Oh, yeah, no. But, you know, it was self-defense. As bad as that story is, by the way, that's the third story she landed on. She settled on that story. She literally, she vehemently denied it being involved and then they found her DNA on a camera that she used to take pictures moments before the guy died and then she put that camera in the washing machine for some reason and left. And they went, hey, we have your DNA all over this shit. And she went, okay, I was there, but there were people broke in and they went, you know, it took her a couple years to back off of that and she went, okay, here's the thing. He was very abusive and we got into a fight and I felt threatened and I shot him in the head and then I don't remember anything after that. Wow, that's, that's, is that? And then she suddenly remembered there was a guy with no legs but these weird stick things that was stopping by. A man with one arm. Is she, is, is that taking place in Florida? Jodi Arias, where is that? I mean, is it, you know? Arizona. Arizona. Okay, because I was going to say, it sounds like that make up your own ground law or whatever that is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That push your ground, push somebody else to the ground. A Russian ballet dancer probably lost his starring role when he confessed to paying somebody who threw acid in the face of his ballet's director. Man, ballet is way, way rougher than I thought. Well, it's Russia. That is, those guys. That is true. 1600 bucks, you can get an acid bomb for you, by the way. That's all it costs. That is nice. He allegedly set up to hit as revenge for this director stifling the career of his girlfriend. Nice. So you got that going for you. Hilton Botha, the former lead detective in the Oscar Pistorius case, resigned from the police force suddenly. Citing private reasons. Private reasons, I believe, is code for I've been charged with seven counts of attempted murder. That is nice. And the judge. The judge has got some murder thing going around. No, not him. His cousin. His cousin. Yeah, his cousin killed himself. South Africa. But then, Pistorius' brother. That's right. Pistorius' brother is one of the people who got the homicide. Everybody in South Africa could kill somebody. I'm telling you. I don't know if you guys know Philip, but he's the guy in South Africa who's not connected to any murders at all. Yeah. It looks like Bieber fever finally hit Justin Bieber when the 19-year-old future Taylor Swift ex-boyfriend fainted at a London concert. He took a 20-minute break. They gave him some oxygen. He finished the concert before going to the hospital. The next day, he lost it on some paparazzi though screaming, quote, I'll fucking beat the fuck out of you, man. Is Bieber going, is he going the way of Britney Spears? I gotta tell you, that Hillary Swank has quite a mouth on her. I have never seen her in the same place. I am convinced that she has been playing Justin Bieber the whole time. Oh, yeah. You never see him in the same place. She's still She's gonna pull off the, it's gonna, yeah. Is he going the way of Britney Spears? Is he gonna get drunk pretty soon with Paris Hilton and show his vagina to paparazzi? I don't know. It might happen. All right, we got less than a minute. Drew, what do you got coming up, buddy? Oh, bad advice every Saturday right here on skidrowstudios.com and I will, I don't remember the date, but I will be headlining at the Brea Improv next month. Quite a pitch man you are, my friend. Quite a pitch man. I don't remember the date, but things will happen. The future. There will be. And I'm like, there'll be stuff. It's happening though. I want to thank Jeffrey Scott Hendrick. Jeff, thank you, buddy. You're welcome, sir. If you want to make up for the traffic, the lateness from the traffic, we can stay here an extra 12 minutes afterwards. The mics will be off, but we can sit here and pretend we're still doing some show. I want to thank everybody for listening. We will, we will catch up with you in about six days, seven days, seven days maybe. How long is a week now? That would be seven days. Seven days, just under seven days. We will catch you. Have a great day. Have a great week.