Punk rock transformation with Paul Provenza

He reminds me of Barry Champlain, Talk Radio. Eric Segozian. Eric Segozian. Oh, yeah. A little bit like that. I'll take that as a compliment. No, no. It was a great movie. It was a great play. A really good show. You know, he used to be a stand-up. No kidding. Uh-huh. No, I didn't realize that. I know. Nobody realizes it. But yeah, as a matter of fact, I did gigs with him. Wow. In New York. Yeah. He did that for a few years and then just all of a sudden realized that there was more money in playwriting. I see. Yeah, right. I'm going to be rich. My ship has come in. The end. My ship has come in. Guys, are we going to play the, um, can you hear me back there? Are you guys going to play the theme song? Or did I, I didn't provide that. Don't worry. Don't worry about it. It's from the last show. We have a theme song? That's great. It also came in the box of the mics. What's that? Complimentary theme song. What's that? What's it called? Um, it should be Adamo theme song. If we don't have that, we could play one of the first, the first punk rock, uh, song that we gave you. The track one. Yeah, that one. Oh yeah, I remember that. That doesn't really go with the theme. Now that would change the. That's your turn. All right. All right. I guess I'll work on my script. Boys and girls, welcome to the Adamo. All right, so. Feel left out. Chickster just follow me when I, uh, cue you. Yeah, this is perfect. Yeah, I'm pretty good. Got it. I'm, uh. Chris, is your, your guys' mics okay? Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think it went very well. All right, cool. Whenever you guys are ready. It's rocking. Thanks guys. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Adamo, Adamo, Adamo, Adamo, Adamo, Adamo, Adamo Boys and girls, welcome to the Adamo podcast. Woohoo! Yes, and my microphone is not working. That was a joke. Hey boys and girls, this is Adamo and I just want to say welcome back to the Adamo podcast. It's been a few weeks since I've seen you guys or you've heard me or I've seen you or you heard me. Well, I want to talk about my break from the podcast. Since the last podcast, I took a little trip to Poughkeepsie, New York and I thought the show was lacking in comedy. So I wanted to go on a farm and I wanted to study animals and do some animal sounds and I wanted to bring back the old fashioned kids show. On the farm with Adamo. In fact, that's what I'm going to change the show to. On the farm with Adamo. So in Poughkeepsie, New York, I studied the dog. Roof, roof. I studied the cat. Meow. And I studied the chicken. Chicken. Oh boy, boys and girls, get ready for the new and improved Adamo podcast. I'm so inspired right now that you should see my face. I look stunning. I look amazing. I look amazing. And if you're listening to this podcast, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. You're probably wondering how did I get so funny so fast. Well, boys and girls, it takes a lot of farming and ranching and a lot of practice. Uncle Chickster, how are you doing today, Uncle Chickster? Yes, I feel fantastic, Adamo. I had my cereal this morning and I feel energized and, you know, I'm not suffering from ill health, despair, madness or other things. That's right. other attractive, natural, or inevitable things, Adamo. Yes! Boys and girls, that's Uncle Chickster, a.k.a. Chick Crispin, the legendary cereal mascot of the 1960s, Chick's Crisp Pinwheels. Try saying that three times. Chick's Crisp Pinwheels! Chick's Crisp Pinwheels! Come on, come on, put up your dukes, Adamo! Come on, a rip to the belly! A rip to the jelly! Come on, let's go, Rick Jack! Come on, Adamo! It's called the Painted Kangaroo. Okay, boys and girls, well, I might be the face of Adamo's cereal all over the globe, but there's only one man who could really master the cereal mascot posing, and that's Uncle Chickster. Boys and girls, I'm sure you miss Uncle Chickster. Uncle Chickster misses you. Uncle Chickster, how was your break? Well, not too good. You know, I almost went into a truck coming over here. Well, I went into a farm coming over here, and I'm excited to change America. And to make America modern with the good old-fashioned kid's show on the farm with Adamo. And, of course, joining us today as well is my arch-rival and nemesis, Mr. David Lunch. How you doing, Adamo? David Lunch, how was your break? My break was good. To be honest with you, though, I'm a little hungover at the moment. I'm normally nauseous, because I'm sitting next to you, but in addition to that, I've been partying a little hard recently, ever since the break. David, I'm not sure I follow you. You're a world-famous storyteller, and you're hungover? Well, let me tell you a story, Adamo. I went backpacking through central England. Beautiful time of year to go backpacking through central England in November. It's just a beautiful time. There's leaves. There's water and sky to look at. Various rocks. And I stumbled into a club. And in this club, there were these people on stage playing this music, a very fast-paced, violent sort of music. And I tell you, it just knocked my socks off. And there were these kids just thrashing around on the floor, just bumping into each other, punching each other in the face, blood everywhere. I jumped right in, started kicking people. It was fantastic. You know what that thing is called that they were doing? Uh, what? It's called punk rock. David, that's been around for a while. It has. It has. Yeah, well... It's pretty cool, and I endorse it, and I think everyone out there should listen to punk rock and go to punk rock concerts. Whoa, that's pretty cool, David. I don't understand what happened to you. I mean, I understand this whole punk rock thing, boys and girls. David, he's going punk. Well, yeah, Adamo, that's the thing with punk rock. You're either punk or you're not. There's no, you know, in between. That's why my hair is a little different today. Yeah, I see that. It's pink. It is indeed pink. It is pink that I spray-painted on, and you'll notice that the sides of my hair have been shaved because what I have is called a mohawk. Whoa, that's pretty cool, David. Yeah, because I was going to change this show to On the Farm with Adamo, and now I kind of like your hair. It's kind of cool, and you know me with style. I'm kind of radical. Whoa, David, I really, really want to be punk, but I'm kind of confused whether I should stay on the farm or be a punk rocker and change the name of the show to The Breakfast Show with Adamo. Oh, my God, I'm bleeding. As usual, Adamo, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, but back to me. I'm also wearing a military jacket. I have a safety pin through my nose, and I'm also wearing socks on my head, hands with the fingers cut out. That's a very punk rock move of me. Whoa, that's punk. And on the left side of my face is a spiderweb tattoo, which is on there for good now. You know, no going back, but, you know, you go to England, you go to Liverpool, and stuff like this happens. You never come back the same. Dude, that's punk, David. Awesome. Yeah, I'm definitely inspired. High five, David. That's not very punk rock, you Adamo. Usually, you would, like, chest bump. I don't even know if you chest bump, but it usually involves hitting, punching, drinking, drawing blood. Uncle Tixer, what do you think about David going punk? Do you think I should go punk? Do you want to go punk? Well, you know, I used to be a punk. In fact, I'm, well, I still am, but nevertheless, as far as the punk rock, you know, I used to put rocks in my pocket, believe it or not. You know, wherever I went, if I went up to the Painted Mountain, they can't paint anyway, but anyway, I'd pick up a rock, and I'd look at it, and I would do what they call a rock transfusion. Okay. In this case, of course, the punk rock transfusion. I'd look at that rock, and I'd say, Dear Lord, I want to be happy. Dear Lord, I want to have money. I want to have fame. Yes, I want to have power. Uncle Tixer, that's punk. No, that's punk rock. David Lunch, wait a second. Did you bring me back any souvenirs from Liverpool, England? Yeah, Adamo, I brought both of you back. I got a jean jacket here for both of you, and it has spikes on the shoulders, and then on the back is a spray-painted middle finger. Awesome. I'm going to put it on right now. Uncle Tixer, you put on your outfit, too. Okay, I'll do that right now. Whoa, we're punk. Ha-ha, cool. Look at this jacket. Thanks, David. Well, I feel different. I feel like a new man. Hey, David, what are we going to be called? You know, the band? Well, we don't have instruments, Adamo. We're talking about music here. You know, you make music. You need to have instruments. You need to have a bass and some drums. We'll just shout. You know, that's punk. Yeah, actually, that is. You know, that is pretty punk. That might be more punk than punk. You know, I mean, like acapella punk. Like, we don't need no instruments kind of punk. I like that. Oh, yeah. And what's the name of the band, David? How about, let's see, something lunch-themed. How about Bulletproof Lunchbox? Bulletproof Lunchbox. I like that. Heck yeah. Oh, boys and girls, this is going to be amazing. We just signed with David Lunch, our father, the punk father, that is. Yeah, I'm the punk father. Bulletproof Lunch. And I'm punk, and I'm Adamo, and this is, the Adamo Punk Rock Podcast, and I'm Adam, oh my God, I'm bleeding, and Uncle Chickster is chicky, and David Punk is David Punk. David. I like that. David Punk, yeah. Can I just hear maybe a song, just to warm up my vocals for our first song? You want me to sing you a punk song? Do you want to hear a punk song? Actually, yeah, I want you to sing us a punk song. You want to sing? All right, well, I've been working on this song. It's punk rock, and, you know, when you write a punk rock song, you know, you have to be angry, you have to be mad, and the songs need to be to the point, and they need to be short. So this song is called Breakfast Sucks. Ready? I'm not sure if that's... Join in. Okay. One, two, three, four. Breakfast sucks. Breakfast sucks. Breakfast sucks. Breakfast sucks. Breakfast sucks. Breakfast sucks. David, I don't like this song. Well, it's already over. Okay. Well, let's go to our next song, and I think this is going to be called Lunch Sucks. One, two, three, four. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Come on, Chickster, you have a lot of rage. Yeah, he does. You're the angriest man I know, Uncle Chickster. Let it out. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Lunch Sucks. Wait, wait, wait. You're talking about me, David Lunch. I don't... No, I don't endorse that song. Okay, David, well, what songs do you endorse? Because I really want to hear a real punk rock song. How about we listen to one of your tracks, David? Okay, I brought back a couple songs from England, and I think the first song we're going to hear is called Junk Mail by the Circles. Circle Jerks, followed by Kabuki Girl by the Descendants. And try not to go insane. This music will change your life. And boys and girls, keep in mind, today's very special guest is one of my mentors in the comedy arena and in the world of filmmaking, and we are so honored to have him here, and he'll be joining us very shortly, boys and girls. So stay tuned, and that's Paul Provenza. Take it away, DJ. Junk Mail by the Circles I'll throw my way Barefoot brochures High gloves Several step-by-step orders Junk Mail, Junk Mail, Junk Mail I think I'll change your dress I'm not a resident I'm not an occupant Junk Mail, Junk Mail Where did they get my name? It's always just the same Junk Mail, Junk Mail Junk Mail, Junk Mail Sending back from where I was sent They must think me for an idiot They can have it, I don't want it They can keep it, I don't need it Junk Mail, Junk Mail, Junk Mail Look out, get out of my way I'm going to the Tommy Cafe I'm going to the Tommy Cafe Don't miss me when I make a bouquet of Junk Mail, Junk Mail, Junk Mail Don't say sayonara I wanna see you tomorrow I wanna see you tonight Don't miss me when I make a bouquet girl Face is white Hair is black Probably sent me In the back There's a chance That I'm gonna take Don't say sayonara I wanna see you tomorrow I wanna see you tonight Junk Mail, Junk Mail, Junk Mail Make a bouquet girl East, east West, west Cause I'm ace All the best Take on more of what I'm looking for God, look I'll get out of my way I'm going to the Tommy Cafe I'm going to the Tommy Cafe Don't miss me when I make a bouquet girl Yeah, that's how you cure a hangover. I tell you, I'm back 100%. I just need to hear a little Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. Some shit up in here. I love him. I am very happy. I'm angry, actually, David. You're right. I'm angry. Speaking of angry, we're just going to go right now to a live thank you commercial break with Uncle Chickster. Uncle Chickster, take it away. Hey, Gambinos. Hey, boss. Welcome to the garage. Grazie, grazie. Hey, let the festivities begin. Sabato quanto vento, diva se palla, la suda, di tola, capisce? Biagio, Claudio, bene, stolone, ciao, bella. Hey, at the garage, it's nice to see you all sitting here. You know what I mean? Now you can put your backs to the wall. And don't forget the blindfolds. It's kind of a surprise party. And when your name is called, put your hands apart. Above your head. Okay? Hey, knock it off, Jocko. Let the roll call begin. Johnny Apollo. Check. Little Caesar. Chico Marx. Benny the Hunch. Machine Gun Kelly. Dutch Schultz. And don't forget Uncle Luigi. Hey, boss. I thought this was a pizza party. Bing at the wrong place at the wrong time, pal. Have yourself a blast. Go to the real garage. Garage Pizza, that is. Authentic. Crispy crust. New York style. Fresh and hot. Take out an order including vegan pizza and vegan calzones. Best pizza joint in L.A. with two locations to serve you. And don't forget on Mondays, any pizza just 15 bucks. 15 bucks, that's right. Garage Pizza at 4339 West Sunset Boulevard in the city of Silver Lake. 11 p.m. to 3 p.m. Call 323-668-1192. 1190, excuse me. 323-668-1190. And at the new downtown location, 100 and a half West 7th Street. Open 11 p.m. to 4 p.m. Call 213-622-3390. That's 213-622-3390. Best pizza in L.A. Hey, take it away, Luigi. And that was Uncle Chigster. Thank you. And our sponsor, Garage Pizza. Uncle Chigster, that was punk. Oh, thank you, Adamo. I'm glad something punked out. But let me teach you something about punk, Chigster. It could be said in two words. Like punk rock. Pizza party. And you shout it now. So I want you to repeat after me. Garage Pizza! Garage Pizza! And that's our sponsor, Garage Pizza. That was punk, Chigster. Thanks. Very punk rock of you, yes. Right on. Well, David Lunch. Thank you so much. Or excuse me, David Punch. Punk. David Punch. And you're Adamo. Oh, bloody oh. What's your name? Adam, oh my God, I'm bleeding. Oh my God, I'm bleeding. That's right. Yeah, and I'm punk. And yeah, we're a band. We're brothers. We are. Well, we're not brothers. I'm not going that far. Yeah. But we're related. Well, boys and girls, it brings us to that time of the show to bring out one of the punk rock extraordinaires of comedy. Please. Please give a warm welcome to the one and only Paul Provenza. Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! That's me being punk. What do you think? That was awesome. That was punk. He's spitting. He's spitting all over the place. Oh, yeah. Spit some more. It's great. The more you spit, the more your records sell. That's how you become a punk rock star. Ain't it the truth? Take notes, David. I am. I have a punk comedy joke. I have a punk comedy joke. Punk comedy. Punk comedy. I have a joke that's punk comedy. I want to hear. That sounds real cool. Because, David Lunch, what makes something punk? Um, a lot of rage. Rage. And what else? Um. Despair, right? Rebellion. Rebellion. Yeah, angst. Despair. Angst. Yeah. Angst. All that good stuff. All right, here's my punk joke. What's small and black and knocking on your front door? What? Your future! Uh, yeah. Yeah. I love it. Who? Who? Who? Who? Yeah. Set the door. Let it in. That was cool. Do you have any more, um. Who let the future in? Who? Who? Sorry, I got carried away. You. Actually, are you taking notes, David? We can make a song out of that, right? Yes. A punk song. Who let the future in? Are you writing that down? I'm writing it down. Yep. All right, good. Because we're going to practice that. And then we're going to record that. Listen, I've also been listening to you guys talk. And I just want to tell you that I think you guys, now I know you're nemeses. You're opponents. I hate this guy. You hate each other. Yep. It's David Lunch. Yeah, well, see, I think you can work together. This whole punk thing, you want to, Adam, you want to do your breakfast show and podcast from the farm. And you want it to be punk, right, David Lunch? Exactamundo. So, I think if you ever go, you go to a farm and you take a look at the bull, they got that thing through their noses. Yeah, they're pierced. Very punk. You're right. Yeah, he's very punk. Very punk. So, you could do your. Farm show with the bull and pull in both crowds. See what I'm saying? I like what I'm hearing. I like it too, David. Wow. Thanks, Paul. And also, you can take a chicken and you can pierce it and then you could just like on a skewer and then you can put it in a rotisserie and everybody's happy. Even the vegans? Well, they. They're never happy. They're never happy. Never okay with them. There's always something wrong, but we'll invite them. We need all the people we can get. Yeah. We need all the people we can get. You could skewer them. There you go. And rotisserie them. Yeah. That would be the ultimate irony if you ate a vegan. Cannibalism. I like it. Chickster, have you ever ate a vegan? This is very punk. Well, I mean, I studied cannibalism and. Chickster, this is a kid's show. Oh, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean it. No, I eat a lot of soy and. Who's soy? Soy. That one used to be my old girlfriend. I thought so. Many years ago. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought so. But she was, you know, she was kind of decent, I guess. But, you know, I'd rather not get into it. It's kind of X-rated, you know. I thought I was going to go there first. I'm just pleased to know that it wasn't me. Oh, no, no. It's not you, Paul. Okay, good. Now, Paul, what is the most punk rock thing that has ever happened to you? The most punk rock, aside from today? This right here? Yeah. Right now? This is number one. The most punk rock thing. The most punk rock thing. The most punk rock thing that has ever happened to me. Most of my childhood was punk rock, except it was before punk rock. So it was just mostly just getting beat up. But that would have been punk rock if punk rock had been invented yet. Yeah. And that was in New York, in the Bronx. Yep. Wow. Yep. The Ramones are from New York. Yeah, I know that, David. Punk rock pioneers. Punk rock pioneers, Adam O. and David Punk and Uncle Chickster. Get that straight, David. You got it. Uncle Chickster's several types of pioneer. I think all really into one. I agree. Well, I mean, I've been around a little bit, you know. Uncle Chickster, how old are you? Oh, gee, it's hard to give out my real age. I... You don't even remember it, do you? Well, to be honest with you, I'm 42. 42? You gotta be kidding me. But 42 in punk years, so it looks like a lot more. Yes. I was gonna say the same thing. It's like four punk rock lifetimes. Paul, I love your hair, man. Speaking of punk rock, I love your hair. I love your hair. But speaking of punk rock, I mean, is there a difference between rock and roll hair and punk rock hair? Oh, I think so. I don't have either. Mine would be more like New Age music hair, I think. New Age music hair, man. No, mine would be Weird Al Yankovic hair. Very special category of music hair. Gets some great hair. Memorable. Speaking of hair, what comedians have punk rock hair? Oh, who has punk rock hair now? I don't think anybody does anymore. I gotta be honest, Adam. Look, I don't want to say anything. I don't want them to hear me, but I think David Lunge is a little late to this punk rock party. I agree. I mean, you know. I don't know about that. I think I'm on to something new here. And, you know, there's different genres of punk rock. There's anarchy punk. There's Christian punk. There's crust punk, which I had to look up, actually. That's kind of like a political type of punk. They call it crust. Garage punk, hardcore punk, girl punk, and skate punk. And do you know what... All brand new stuff. Give us a definition of skate punk. Forgot to look that one up. I don't know if it involves a roller rink or if it's skateboarding. Uh-huh. Might be something related to the X Games. I don't know. I think it has something to do with wearing your pants so low that they fall down and then you start screaming and bleeding. And that's how it's punk, I think. That would be very punk. That could be it. I'm going to write that down, too. Now, David, you... Making a lot of notes. I have a question for you, David. And, Paul, maybe you can help me out on this. Do punk... Do punks do drugs? Because I'm anti-drugs for the kids out there, right, boys and girls? And it seems like... What about in here? Yeah, it seems like David might be on drugs because he's a punk rock guy now. And that's what I thought of punk rock guys. Well, can I tell you a little bit of something that I know? You know Henry Rollins? Yeah. Henry Rollins, a pioneer of punk. No offense, Chickster. No, that's fine. Henry Rollins, lead singer of the seminal West Coast punk band Black Flag. They're great. Great. Completely straight edge. He's never done drugs, never wants to do drugs, and tells kids all the time, don't do drugs. You don't have to do drugs to be punk. You don't, right? Apparently, that's the case. That's punk rock, being sober. Yeah. You're so punk. That's why you're so angry. Yeah. Like, I don't need you punks. Yeah, exactly. He has nothing to take the edge off, though, so he's upset all the time. That's the trade-off. Oh, man. This is pretty cool. Yeah. So... So, what do you think about, like, my... Should I retire my old wardrobe, guys? No, you want to be really punk, stop taking your Adderall. Okay. That helps. A good first step. All right. I don't even know what Adderall is, but I'll... You're on it. Sounds... Okay. So, Paul, let me ask you a couple questions real fast. Sure. Before we get carried away with the definition. I'm feeling very punk tonight. Punk. Yeah, you seem really punk tonight. It's pretty cool, because I'm kind of... I'm scared whether I'm making the right choice going into this punk world or leaving the farm, but then I can have both, like you said. So, what I'm trying to get to is how do you write a real good punk rock joke? Well, I think first, just like writing a punk rock song, you get real mad about something, and then you make it nice and short and sweet, and then you shout it as loud as you can. That's my theory. Could you give us an example? I gave you a pretty good one there. I don't know if I can tell. But I want to hear it in the punk way. I want to hear it. Shout it. All right, I'm going to have to get back to this. I'm going to think about it. I have to make it shorter and shorter. Take two. Here's one. That's punk. I like it. I do too. Yeah. Just straight to it. You distill it right down to its essence. Yeah. It's like haiku. Yeah. It's like really mad haiku. I like that. Mad haiku. Haiku. It's pretty cool. David, do you have any cool questions you want to ask Paul? Yeah, I have a question for Paul. You wrote a book called Satiristas. That is correct. And you got to interview George Carlin for that? Yeah, that is correct. That sounds pretty cool. How was that, talking to George Carlin? That was great because, you know, he's one of my heroes. Yeah. And when I was about 14 or 15, I heard him for the first time, and I was, I was just like, it must be, I thought, I had that feeling that I guess if you're, because I was really into comedy, you know, and I found George Carlin, I discovered him, and I was, wow. It's like I would imagine if you were, if you were really into music and you were playing guitar, learning how to play guitar, and feeling really good about playing guitar, and then for the first time you hear Jimi Hendrix. That's what it was like for me. And the most amazing thing was that, you know, when I was growing up, whenever I would question things, because I don't know, I was born with that habit of questioning things, you know, never accept anything at face value, always wonder, just don't listen to what people tell me just because they told me. I would ask questions, and my parents would get upset, and they would say, oh, I see, so everybody else is wrong, and you're the only one who's right. Is that right? And I would go, I guess I'm just being me. And I would feel really dopey and stupid. And then I would hear George Carlin's comedy, and I would think, you know what, maybe it is possible that everybody else is wrong. Hmm. Yep. Maybe it is possible. And whether that's correct or not, it just gave me permission to think what I wanted to think and find out for myself. Exactly, and that's punk rock. That's punk, right? That's very punk. There you go. Nice. Nice. It's very inspiring. And also, I listened to him for the first time while on a farm. So see how what I mean? Wow. Look at that. That's cool. I want to write a song about George Carlin on a farm, writing a song on the farm, and hearing David Lunch's hair speak. George Carlin on the farm, and then instead of E-I-E-I-O, it would be the seven dirty words. Yeah. That would work. That would work. Be very punk. Oh, man. Speaking of dirty, but yet not dirty, one of the best movies was The Aristocrats. I mean, that is the meaning of comic punk rock gold. That is pretty punk rock. You're right. I never realized that maybe I am a little bit of punk rock. Yeah. This is a new discovery for myself. That's why you're on the show. I'm getting madder and madder. Yeah. Hanging out with us. That'll happen. I'm getting really upset now, so I must really be punk. It's filling the room. Yeah. There's a lot of steam. Yeah. It's going to get ugly, but that's what it's all about. I wonder how many kids have, probably some of your listeners need to be cautioned. Well, we're explicit on iTunes under the kids category. Yeah. Which makes me wonder, is that for every kid's show or is it just ours? Is that true? We're in the kids category, but it says explicit. That's genius. Is that? I'll have to look at that tonight. That'd be pretty punk rock. Goes without saying. I think chicks to figure, chicks to arrange that, I'm pretty sure. Well, I mean, I, I. The man with the plan. The brains behind the operation. The circumvent this sucker. He is a subversive. You know, you know, you guys gave me an idea. You know, I love cats. You know, I, I have four cats and what if I, what if I turn them into punk kids? Punk kittens. Yeah. That's something the farm needs. That's pretty neat. Yeah, and they shave one half of their body and that's punk. Now something, something I want to. Can I get sued for saying that? Do punk, do punks have like, do punks have, Paul, do punks have like a memory that lasts forever? Like you'll remember every single thing because in 1983, you made your first appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. And I was wondering if you had any of those jokes that you could tell right here on the Punk Rock Podcast from that set. Wow. That's a hard one. I don't know if I can remember the jokes. I remember, I remember the subjects. Okay. And in fact, one of them was very punk. One of them was about having a tropical, I had tropical fish and I would always forget to feed them. And the fish would actually boost themselves up over the fish tank and yell at me like, like New York fish. Hey, yo, yo, yo. Hey. We're swimming here. We're hungry. Something like that. But the fish were very punk in the joke. I love it. And I'm also made fun of Gloria Vanderbilt who at the time had her line of jeans and she was on TV commercials all over the place. And I did a lot of, I talked about how she, she used to wear this sweater with this big knit flower on it on all her commercials. And I always said that was the knot from where they tied the skin when they pulled it back and they tied it in this big knot. And that if she had another facelift, she'd have a goatee. And, and what was great about that, all that stuff about, about Gloria Vanderbilt was that Johnny Carson's wife at the time, or, you know, his recent ex-wife had been best friends with Gloria Vanderbilt and he hated Gloria Vanderbilt. So when I did the jokes about Gloria Vanderbilt, he was in heaven. He was loving it. And he was laughing harder than the audience. Most of the laughs I got, I got on that show where the audience laughing at Johnny, laughing at what I was saying about Gloria Vanderbilt. Dude, that's Paul. It was really fun. It was, it was one of the most exciting nights of my life. Nice. It was Johnny, it was Johnny Carson. I mean, how, how was he as a guy? Was he pretty like? He was great. I mean, he was really nice to me. He really liked me and he was really generous to me. And, and the cool thing was after my first Tonight Show spot, and I was only 23 at the time. Wow. 24 maybe. And he came into my room, my dressing room afterwards and said that was just a great spot and everything. And then he wrote a tag for one of the bits that I had done. And he was like, do you want something to add to it? And I was like, yeah, whatever. And, and he gave me this tag. I don't remember it or the bit at the, at the moment, but it never actually really worked. But I did it for like five years because Johnny Carson wrote it for me. Right. I'm going to keep doing it. Yeah, exactly. That's awesome. I actually had Johnny Carson write me a joke. Yeah. That's inspiring. It was pretty great. You know, he was, he was, he was very cool to me. He really liked comedians and young comedians. And he was, he was different from most of the talk show hosts nowadays. Yeah, I mean. Chickster, you can relate. Remember what it was like on the old Parr show? I remember Jack Parr. Yes, yes. He'd have the tears rolling from his face and he was very, to me, Jack Parr was down to earth. I mean, he was a wonderful human being. Seemed like a real guy, right? Seemed like a real person. No, he did, he did. Instead of like some smarmy showbiz thing. Right? Oh, exactly. Today, well, I mean, not to mention names, but a lot of mechanical type of hosts. You know, it's, it's not the same anymore. No. I'm not going to mention names, but I feel exactly what you're saying right now. And if I could mention names, I would, but I'm not there yet. But let's be honest. It's pretty cool. It's a pretty long list of those names. It is, but there's. Getting longer by the day. Getting longer by the day. See, that's, that's what makes me angry right there is bringing this up because I feel the same way oftentimes about like, you know, the same thing about the talk show host with the, with the up and coming comedians and they're not there yet and they don't even have a talk show, but they act like they're like these showbiz people and it kind of disturbs me and it makes me angry. Yeah, it feels like they're, you know, it just feels like they're selling their DVDs and they're selling their tickets and they're selling their T-shirts and things. It doesn't feel like they're really saying anything or speaking from their heart. Oh, yeah. I'm, I'm creeping up on my chair now because I feel, I feel that and that's kind of what, like, that's why I went to the farm. That sounds to me like a sexual attraction. Okay. Um, that bull is waiting for you. That bull is waiting for us for a big show and the chicken on the skewer and we're going to get an amp and we're going to do this thing. It's going to be the, the Woodstock, a punk, punk stock. Yep. The Woodstock of Barnyard Punk. Yeah. The Woodstock of Barnyard Punk with Adam O. It's time. The people have demanded it. We have this new genre called punk rock music. Let's make it happen, baby. But I mean, is there a difference? Let's make it happen. But is there a difference between comedy and punk rock? Like, honestly, is there? Well, you know, I think there's as many different kinds of comedy as there are different kinds of music. You know, people don't really think about that, right? If you said, uh, I'm going to hear a band play. Uh, they're going to do live music. You'd go, well, what kind of music? You'd want to know so you knew what kind of vibe you were going into, right? But people will go, going down to the comedy club, we're going to hear some comedy. And so, okay. And so everybody goes in thinking they know what comedy is. But there's a million different kinds. Just like there's punk rock and classical music and Israeli folk music and atonal music. There's a million different kinds of music. It's the same with comedy. My favorite comedy does have a punk aspect to it, though. I like the comedians who are provocative. They'll say something that they're not supposed to say. Just like the reason I fell in love with George Carlin when I was a little kid. It's like, wow, he's saying all the things I get in my head. I get in trouble for saying or even thinking. And I like the comedians who like to question the status quo rather than just go along with the flow. Especially when it feels so wrong to go along with the flow. And is it true, though, that if you don't go with the flow, it takes an extra 10 years? It's much harder, yeah. It's just like, you know, how so many of your favorite television shows that are really, really quality television, they get canceled right away. Just because they don't have 10 million people watching them and they can't make enough money off of it. It's always driven by money, money, money. But with the internet and with podcasts such as this fine podcast of dubious musical connection. Yep. Yeah. With all that out there now, you don't have to have a network deciding who they want you to hear or not hear or see or not see. And you just put it out there and people are finding more and more. So it's actually no longer a problem to not be like everybody else. Right. You can be just like you are and the people who like that can find you and there's nobody saying that they can't. Nobody keeping them from finding you. Exactly. That hits. The outlet is there. Yeah, and that hits every kid across the homeland and elsewhere, across, overseas, what you just said, Paul. I mean, that's it right there is be yourself and, you know, don't take any... Don't do drugs. Yeah, don't do any... You mentioned that earlier. If you do take drugs, do them as yourself. Yeah, do them as yourself. Be true to yourself. Be true to yourself. Be true to your own drugs. Doing, uh, okay. And don't share needles. Never. Do your own needle. Never. Do they know what needles are? Do we have to educate them on that, too? David O'Keefe. A needle is a thin... They haven't had... They don't have stereo record players anymore, so they don't know needles. No needles. Okay, um, uh, anyways, boys and girls, um, yeah. So we're gonna take it away... I didn't get that one already. I got it now. We're gonna take it away to another groovy... Groovy? Could you use that in the punk rock world? Oh, are we gonna hear some more music? Oh, it's a good word, though. It's something, like, that stands for, like, great, but punk. Butt-kicking. You know, we're... Butt-kicking song. We can't swear on the show. In your face. In your face. There you go. Here you go. Take it away, DJ. Can I introduce the songs? Okay. Okay. They're customizing gear and synchronized The playmen in the streets are blaming their eyes The realer operator ain't heard of course Check out any wall One hundred punks Ooh One hundred punks through One hundred punks from a weird London town Down one old street to the Soho sound They'll sleep all week only when they fall down A hundred bubble boys and tumble girls Protected by steel in a private room Tomorrow's in spaces Advertise today And the stars on the back say One hundred punks Ooh One hundred punks Ooh A hundred punks from a loaded gun They look so sharp They look like one If you ain't gonna look You'll never be one A hundred punks from a total dust A hundred good mates You'll know your trust There's never no bother And there's never no fuss Check out any wall One hundred punks Ooh One hundred punks Ooh Ooh And Jimmy's number one One hundred and one No one day He'll be one Watch him Watch him go Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh A hundred punks from a leather army I know he's by my side Not at home or TV Even when I'm down I hear him sing for me Check out any wall One hundred punks Ooh One hundred punks Ooh Ooh Check out any wall One hundred punks Ooh Ooh One hundred punks Ooh Ooh I checked out all the walls One hundred punks Ooh Ooh Ooh One hundred punks Ooh Okay If you think you can win Come on man Oh what's the dream we're in The ending is safe No more of your Very sorry's Cause I got my Horses for four's Fifty-thirty-thirds Standing on the street Fifty-thirty-thirds I'm trying to turn the king Fifty-thirty-thirds You're the one they never pick Fifty-thirty-thirds Trying to make you feel sick If you think you can win Come on man Oh what's the dream we're in The ending is safe No more of your Very sorry's Cause I got my Horses for four's Fifty-thirty-thirds Standing on the street Fifty-thirty-thirds I'm trying to turn the king Fifty-thirty-thirds You're the one they never pick Fifty-thirty-thirds Trying to make you feel sick Ten years together I raised the plate You're the one who's gonna Conquer me Now the cops are after me But I fear that I'm Goat disease Fifty-thirty-thirds Standing on the street Fifty-thirty-thirds I'm trying to turn the king Fifty-thirty-thirds You're the one they never pick Fifty-thirty-thirds Trying to make you feel sick Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar Hung up in a bar 50-Dun-Dun 50-Dun-Dun 50-Dun-Dun Yes, indeed. This is David Punk, and you just heard 100 Punks by Generation X and 53rd and 3rd by the Ramones. Adam O. or Adam, I still can't, Bloody O's? Bloody, there's blood involved? No, Bloody O's is his new breakfast cereal. That's the breakfast cereal, Bloody O's, and the name is? Adam O., my God, I'm bleeding. That's right. This is fantastic. I feel like a student DJ at Santa Monica Community College. You know, we got to start giving away free tickets to concerts in Echo Park. It's going to be huge. I'm loving it. All right. Uncle Chickster, I know you want to just, from the bottom of your heart, thank Skid Row Studios for having us here at the Adam O. Podcast with special guest Paul Provenza. So you wrote us something that's very sweet, that's not punk, but it's punk at the heart, which is honest. Take it away, Chickster. Punk-ish. Thank you. Thank you very much. I mean, I just want to say Skid Row Studios, they've been wonderful to everybody. They're a great station. I mean, for the best in radio in the nation, it's a brand-new sensation. I mean, Skid Row Radio, I mean, you don't have to push your shopping cart to listen to Skid Row. I mean, www.skidrowstudios.com. And, of course, this is Uncle Chickster. Yes! And I'll let you in on a top secret. Find out all about it. Simply listen to... ...shows such as The Leigh Frost Show and Verbal Vomit and The Adam O. Podcast right here and the Quam Rum Report and Love Bite and many other shows. Skid Row Studios. Call 1-800-893-9562. That's 1-800-893-9562. That's 1-800-893-9562. To Skid Row Studios. Yeah! Yes! Thanks, Uncle Chickster. That was so punk that Chickster came here drunk. Oh, Chickster, are you drunk? I'm not exactly. I'm just drinking some of this water. I think it's water. But... Do you have a type of egg? And, Paul, what do you... Thanks, Chickster. Yeah, you're drunk. Paul, what do you... I love how you just went by... I'm not going to mention. So... Um... Magic of punk rock. What do you... How would you describe a podcast to children if they have no idea what a podcast is or what this is? How would you describe this to a kid? Wow, that's a really tough question. I never thought about that. I don't know how I'd describe it. I never had to describe it to a kid. I'm actually not really allowed because of the restraining order. But I've never even thought about that. A podcast is like... The every... The podcast is like an infinite number of radio stations around the world. A podcast is one of them. Except once you've downloaded it, you can't just turn the channel. You have to delete it. So there's an extra step involved. So... Um... I don't know that it's even a good idea at this point. Yeah, that was a good definition, though. You're putting them on the spot. I thought that was racist succinct. Yeah. I mean, you've been on major sets and your own television show, which is... I don't know. It's freaking phenomenal. The Green Room with Paul Provenza on Showtime. I want to ask you, do you feel different that there's no camera on you and that there's just a microphone and people are listening? Is it more nerve-wracking being in this room or with thousands of people in the studio? You know, it's interesting that you bring up The Green Room because that is really just a podcast. It's really what it is. It's the same vibe. We really, truly are just getting together and hanging out and just talking wherever the conversation goes. And, you know, it's just like in real life. Sometimes podcasts, they seem like they're not about anything and it's just kind of, you're just listening to people kind of have conversations. But in real life, it takes a little while to get hooked in, you know? And then once you're hooked in, boom, you're a Scientologist and it's hundreds of thousands of dollars later. But I digress. Jackpot. No, I love podcasts. I think it's great. I like everything that doesn't involve other people deciding who should be doing it or listening to it. Like TV, you know, if you want to get a TV show on, you've got to convince a hundred people in a big corporation and advertisers and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah to let you do it. And there's so much great stuff that it doesn't happen because, you know, because somebody in a group of ten people decided it wasn't going to happen. So I love podcasts because there's nothing that can stop you from doing a podcast anymore. And that's true with making movies, too, as you well know. Anybody can make a movie now. Yep. Right? We have freedom. We do. Well, I don't know about freedom, but... On the farm. Freedom on the farm. Yep. You're at a specific farm. That bull is there. This farm was in Poughkeepsie, New York, David. Entertainment. I think all of entertainment now is like the perfect Marxist utopia. The means of production are in the hands of the proletariat. Yep. Isn't that wacky? It's here. And the only people stopping us are ourselves. Exactly. Come on. Shoot anything. Make anything. Make anything. Exactly. No barriers, except what might be in your mind. Exactly. I mean, that's how it should be, and that's how I hope it will always be. You know, Skid Row Studio, a crazy dream, financed by recycling cans and bottles. Really amazing. Nothing got in his way. Nothing. Knocking that door down, kicking it in. Nice. Nice. Wait, this is really financed by recycling bottles and cans? I'm just assuming. Yeah. David, do you know anything about that? I assume that's... I assume that, too, the moment I walked in. I'm assuming that. That's pretty wild. It's cool. You can do a lot with that stuff. Is that why there's, like, a lot of Coke cans around? Yep. Yes. Be sure to recycle. He needs it. You notice how quickly they're gone? Look. They're gone. Right into the bank account. But this is really nice in here. It's beautiful. I mean, it's beautiful. It's beautiful, and they have the longest power strip I've ever seen in my life. It is an amazing power strip. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11. Nice. Well, I want to say thank you to the CEO of Skid Row Studio. 25 outlets. Thank you, Skid Row Studios, for making this beautiful place come true. Jeremy Hansen. Thank you, Jeremy. And by the way, guys, we are the first podcast here at the new studios at Skid Row Studios. So this is a momentous occasion. This is pretty cool. This is a historic moment, and we're all part of it. That's punk. It's punk. Let's write a song right now. Punk. I got a barnyard punk song. Yeah. It's called Slam Dancing with Pigs. I love it. Are we on the air still? Oh, we are. Good. Just checking. Okay. I said I'll be your bumper, baby. I said I'll be your bumper, baby. Uncle Chick said that's not punk. I mean, I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. All punk comes from Elvis. Hmm. Well, I think we should go out in style with our own little punk song. Okay. It's called Barnyard Punk Rock. Okay. Hey, you've been working on that. Yeah, you've come a long way, Adamo, in the last 45 minutes. Thanks, David. I would like you to start your own instructional podcast for children by reading the instructional guidelines to how to do a podcast. All control points. Nope, nope, nope. You have to do it in punk rock rhythm. And we're all going to do the chorus, which is barnyard. Punk rock. We're all going to shout it. David, take away the lyrics. One, two, three, four. Pin one, start channel one. Pin two, start channel two. Barnyard punk rock! Barnyard punk rock! Pin three, start channel three. Pin four, start channel four. Barnyard punk rock! Barnyard punk rock! Woo-hoo! That's really good. And that's Barnyard punk rock. My name is Adam O. Next to me is the world-famous storyteller David Lunch. David Lunch. David Punk. For tonight. And of course, next to David Lunch is the legendary Uncle Chickster. And we are so happy to be here at Skid Row Studios. And I want to say thank you to our special guest, the brilliance of Paul Provenza. Oh, you're too kind. Hey, Paul. Barnyard punk rock! Barnyard punk rock! The future is knocking on your door. Right on. And Uncle Chickster, do you have a final thought? Well, it just so happens I do, Adam O. Crawl before you talk. Walk before you run. Run before you fall. Jog before your legs stall. Exercise your legs now off the wall. Yes! Take a wheelchair to the mall. Barnyard punk rock! Barnyard punk rock! We'll see you next week, boys and girls. Thanks for listening to the Adam O. Punk Rock Podcast with Paul Provenza. David Lunch and Uncle Chickster. Good night, and we'll see you next week. Yay! Barnyard punk rock! Barnyard punk rock! More anger. Wow, I should have gotten high before I came in. Yeah.