Nerd dating discussion with Joelle Selner

Thank you. You're a hater. You're a hater. Dorix podcast. When I say angry, I mean... Although today, we're probably not going to be as angry because we're actually going to talk about dating. We got a couple of... We got our normal. We got our Ed Greer. Hello, Ed Greer. What's up, Ron? How are you? Oh, so angry. Can you see how angry I am over here? I get angry about relationships. Not my current one that much, but yeah. Oh, yeah. I have some anger about some past relationships for sure. We have a couple of guests. First, we've got Eric Barnes over here. He's sitting in for Matt Blackwood today and is a very funny nerd. Go ahead. Hello, everybody. And then we have Melissa Badani, whose name I constantly fuck up, and is on Oral Simulation, the show on Skid Row as well. Say hello. Hi, guys. How's it going? Yay. Yay. So today, we've got a couple of things happening. We are going to have Joelle Selner call in at about 6.30. She's written for Teen Titans, Avengers, I believe Jackie Chan, a couple other things. Pretty cool. We'll talk to her about some of the stuff we're already going to talk about and ask her about cartoons and fun shit like that. And right now, though, we're going to start talking about dating in the nerd world. And there's one thing I want to ask you, Melissa, specifically. What do you think a nerd, dork, or a geek is? Oh, you know what? I was thinking about that on the way up here because I was trying to distinguish the difference between a nerd and a loser. Okay. I decided a nerd will appreciate you. A loser will live with his mom and be insecure and ruin your relationship. Okay. That's fair enough. Yeah. That sounds about right. Just scratching the surface there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Keep in mind, she is on the Angry Dorks podcast. Her, her, her. And there's more of us than her, so she may be playing nice for us. I may be the most angry one here right now. You actually probably are. Yeah. Okay, but what do you view, like when you say, when someone says nerd to you, like, oh, that guy's a nerd, what do you picture? Okay. I think he probably has some unique interests. Okay. See, I like that. Comic books, weird TV shows, maybe a little socializing. Yeah. Maybe he's socially awkward, but maybe that's just because he's looking for people who share his interests. I mean, if you're constantly throwing out references to things mainstream people don't understand, of course you're gonna sound like a weirdo, but once you get around your own group, you're the coolest guy there. All right, cool. Yeah. All right. Well, then you're pretty much fitting in with what we believe. So, good job. We all like you much more. Not that we didn't dislike you or something like, strange like that. We already like you. You're being awkward. What? Yeah, that's the socially awkward, but. Yeah, that's the socially awkward, but. Yeah, that's the socially awkward, but. Yeah, that's the socially awkward, but. That's the socially awkward, but. Yeah, there's the socially awkward, but. Not that we didn't like, I, I, I. I'm never, I'm never awkward at all. That's from Mario Brothers. Yay. Okay. Ed, Ed Greer is a super nerd. We can all agree with that. And he said it himself many times, but he is sort of the blade of the nerds because he can live within both worlds. And he gets some points. I'll say. He's been known. Yeah. And right now you are actually dating a nerd. Yep. Yep. My girlfriend is a, I like to say she's the only woman I've ever been with that I never, ever, ever had to explain myself to. That's good. Wow. I can say whatever I want and whatever I want. And it's not just her recognizing all the references or anything like that, because that's not intelligent. No. You know what I mean? No. That's just somebody who's immersed in the same crap you're immersed in. That doesn't make them smart. Mm-hmm. But she does something. You know, with the huge vocabulary word or concept. She always gets it. Yeah. She knows what effervescent is. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. She knows what evanescence is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's an angry dork thing as much as just an angry music fan. I think dubstep killed Swallow's parents. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. That's why I'm going to wear a bat costume. And rape Swallow's dog. And beat up people at clubs. Listen to music where it sounds like your car is broken. Really? That's the decision we're making? Nat, Baymel, and I have decided that dubstep is the sound of Transformers fucking. Oh. No, that's too cool. Oh. That is too cool. No, okay, it's the sound of GoBots fucking. There you go. Yeah, bitch. I actually like dubstep. I know you do. I listen to it on the freeway and pretend I'm not going to hit everyone. I got nothing against it. I do. Let me tell you what I got against it. I'm in my late 20s. I'm jaded. Look, this is... Look, and I'll give you an example. I'm at a bar having a conversation with a friend of mine, and it's a good conversation. We're really having a good time talking about whatever it is we're talking about. All of a sudden, I just feel myself getting heated. I'm angry for no reason, and then I realize dubstep has pushed itself into my ear. It's murder fuel for you? Yeah. I can ignore just regular techno, right? Regular techno, I can be like, meh, don't really care, whatever. It's just kind of some noise in the background, although I'm not a big fan of that either. I can ignore country. I can ignore Britney Spears and some of that other crappy pop. I can ignore dubstep because it's innocuous, but for some reason, dubstep is like a drill into my brain that causes me to want to stab people. It kind of does sound a little like a drill. Like... Yeah, it does. I don't know, so... And on top of that, a lot of times, they trick you because the song starts off kind of cool, like an acoustic guitar. Some guy's playing this great song, and you're like, yeah, and this guy's talking about having to break up with this girl that he doesn't want to break up with, but he has to break up with her, and then it's like... Actually, I think that makes it better. Because... It's like, oh, it's a nice little song, and then it surprises you. Yeah. Taking that image of GoBots fucking... I'm just imagining, oh, just some man, oh, man. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I won't... I'm not saying it's like I won't date you if you dubstep. Okay. I'm not like that judgmental. I'm glad that you'd be willing to date me despite dubstep. Yeah. Well, you've got nice tits. I do what I can. But let's get back to what we were talking about. Good and perky. No. You had mentioned on our train ride over here, which was actually quite uneventful, and that's pretty rare. An uneventful train ride's a good train ride. Yeah, it is. We're not dead or haven't been stared at by someone who looked like they wanted to murder us, so that's good. But what... You said you had gone on six dates in the past couple of months, and they were all kind of... Yeah. I mean, it was... There's nothing bad. Six dates with six different women. Yeah. Bam. Making it happen. Spread the failure around. Oh, yeah. That's failure, but in the sense... It wasn't failure in the sense of me trying to call her and her not responding, but it was in the sense of, oh, we had a nice first date, but no. It just didn't hit it off. What was wrong with them? There wasn't anything bad about them. It's just we didn't really have much of a connection aside from what we shared. We just shared in our OKCupid profiles or whatever. Oh, bam. OKCupid. So that's how you're doing it. OKCupid? That's how I was doing it. I mean, they were very nice. It was very friendly. But I don't know. It's just sometimes you feel the spark and sometimes you don't, and I didn't feel it. And that not feeling happened six times in a row. All right. Melissa, what do you think of OKCupid? I am firmly against online dating. Okay. Any reason why? Well... I have shit to do, lady. The last... The last time I attempted AOL profile trolling, I ended up married. So I don't meet anyone offline anymore. I don't even... Wait, wait. You don't meet anyone offline? I don't meet anyone from online. Oh, from... Okay. Yeah. The computer is its own world. It stays there. But no, I don't do online dating. Interesting. I think you have to meet someone in real life. I've never done online dating ever. But I've been... Like, I was married for nine years to a person I would say actually counts as a nerd. I mean... Oh, yeah. But we're unbelievably high IQ. Which he used for evil. Yeah, which he kind of... I'm sorry if you're listening to this. So you dated a super villain? Well, you know what? In her defense, I am a pain in the ass to date. Well, and any comic is a pain in the ass to date because we're gone all the time and our number one love is always going to be stand-up. Yeah. And no girl ever likes to be second. Comedy is our mistress. Yeah. A girl is happy to support that, though. Yeah. When that happens, that's nice. Well, I don't know. And also, it's a lot easier to support super successful comedians. You know what I mean? In the process of building it. I mean, more first wives are lost to the first 10 years of comedy than anything else, I think. They unfortunately turn into the stepping stone on the way to success. Right. And then they go, ah, man, I paid your bills or you're a piece of crap. Well, you sure stuck it out, ho. Because now I can buy you a house. I'm sorry. But one of the things we like to do was read books. Like we would just sit and read fantasy books or whatever else that we were reading. To each other? No, not to each other. Just sit next to each other and read. And I mean, to each other. We did actually read Harry Potter to each other when we were driving. It was cute. Yeah, it was cute. Yeah. She had a lot of great stuff. She was a super genius. And I drove her insane. And then she was mean to me. And when I was like, hey, stop being mean to me. She was like, nope, not going to do it. And I was like, ah, maybe we should not be together. Yeah. Because that's what you do. Of course, I should have done that when I was younger. But I had no confidence. Well. But now I have confidence. And actually, that's something I want to talk about in dating. That is probably the most key. And I don't know how many nerds out there are actually listening or downloading this podcast. And being like, hey, I'm terrible at dating. What do I do? Well, first off, I know this is going to sound weird. Just like the stuff you like. And focus on doing what you love to do more than anything in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. me because I'm not a looker. Yeah. I mean, I'm not ugly. You know, I'm not so ugly that I would say everyone that's a man in this room is not necessarily Brad Pitt material. What do you think about that? But at the same time, are you Denzel Washington material? But all of us has a symmetrical face. Yeah. My face is all symmetrical head. That's the nerdiest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Denzel Washington, technically, he's good looking because his face matches the other side of his face. A solid lantern-like jaw. But no, we're not going to win a Blue Ribbon Prize, but at the same time, we're confident in who we are, and we like what we like, and people like the fact that we like what we like, and we are who we are, and we're not phony or fake to anybody. Yeah. Well, and also, I think it's one of these things where, I mean, all these surfers, douches, and frat boys and stuff, they hang out with people who would like them. Nerds, unfortunately, don't get that you can't hang out with people who wouldn't ever like you and expect those results to change. And oftentimes, nerds will have this ... Nerds and fat girls have the same problem. They have this weird image in their head of what their significant other would be, and it's always someone above their grade. You know what I mean? Yeah. Nerds will have some image in their head of some hot girl. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. invention five years from now when you've made something out of yourself you know what i mean and you look exactly how you look before but you're confident because you've done something like ron and said yeah that hot girl comes up and she's totally into what you're into that is a matrix that works but it's like you know if i've had a dollar for every fat girl i met who was like yeah i don't want to date you you're too fast like bitch i'm in your weight class i'm in your weight class you should try me out at least yeah exactly nice i have dated a model before nice that was kind of nice well i mean it was you know it lasted for a little while uh only like month month and a half but it but the fact that i you know got her to say yeah to a date just kind of like did you make the sweet sweet love to her making the big pimp and uh no i didn't that's doesn't count it doesn't count and also the one thing i would say it does count that's awesome barnes was a big huge guy so like chicks can really dig on that you know like you look like a big biker guy and you have the sensitive soul of a nerd it's like yeah you're a combo player if you're watching on you stream or you don't know eric barnes he's what you're six four i am six four i am 290 pounds and uh he's got a beard like zz top only red he yeah he looks very intimidating but he will hug the fuck out of you i've been called the hug viking before yes that's how i was introduced to on stage the hug viking that's awesome and so accurate i know shout out to morgan smith for coming and i'm the opposite i'm i'm five seven and 136 pounds i have outweighed every girl i've ever dated almost both of us together are 1980s sitcom waiting to happen yeah pretty much yeah pretty much yeah i don't know how that 80s sitcom is going to go though i don't know it's going to be very attractive it's going to be that much it's going to be a reboot of bosom buddies so um you ever date an actual nerd but danny uh the last guy started out as kind of a nerd i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know and then he turned into a loser well that happens have i ever dated an actual nerd yeah like a super smart guy or somebody was into star wars or oh god what was he into here's the problem here's why i hate star wars because i was in high school okay i actually was so smart i was skipping my senior year and i knew that during my junior year so i only had one chance to go to prom okay i asked my boyfriend who was a really good guy and he was like i don't know how long i'm gonna be a Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish You say, you know what? Conventions are an annual thing. The convention is going to happen next year. I'll go then. Boba Fett is not going to touch your wiener. Yeah. And if he does, you probably won't like it. Yeah. Because he'll blow it off. He'll freeze it in carbonite. Do you really want your dick to look like Han Solo, people? All right? So don't do that. That's horrible. I know. Got to leap into your own Sarlacc pit. I hated. I would never go to prom. I had already decided. I don't think I had a girlfriend at the time. But it doesn't really matter. Because I figured why would I go dance with a bunch of people that I hated while listening to music that I hated? Because that seems productive to me. Well, that was my excuse too. But then, you know, nobody wanted to go to prom with me either. So it was kind of a congruent thing. Well, and here's actually an interesting thing to talk about is when I was in high school, I mean, I did have a girlfriend when I was like 17 or, well, I guess, 15. 15 or whatever. But I got laid when I was 17. And then I never stopped having sex. And I don't know how that happened. Because I've never been rich. I've never had money. Which is the same thing as not being rich, by the way. I think, hold on. There's liquid assets and then there's paper money. It's because you're charming. I know. I'm super charming. But when I was a kid, I had no confidence. And I always thought I was ugly. And I was 5'7 and 118. I don't know. But I, you know, and this is what I want to talk about is why does it like, why do people always pretend like, oh, you got to have money. You got to be. Why is that a thing that's perpetrated? In my opinion, it has to do with looking at crappy magazines in the grocery store that women pick up and they see like Donald Trump or some scraggly, you know, dirty, dried up old asshole, for lack of a better term. And always on his arm is this nine or 10 bucksome lady. And it's like, oh, well, what does he got that I don't have? Oh, it's money or fame. Yeah, but that's all he's got, right? That's true. But, you know, you can say, oh, that doesn't affect me. But I think subliminally, it can and it does. Well, also, I think a lot of times, though, and to speak to defend women's avariciousness, as it were. Nice. If you're a woman and there's so many women who have given so many poor, crummy guys a chance. Yeah. And it ends up being a big fucking hassle that sucks. You know what I mean? Like if the dude has no money, that's great and all. He can have a great spirit and this and that and that and this. But like if he could never take you anywhere, if he could never introduce you to anybody, anything new, if he could never fly you out somewhere ever, ever, ever. That's lame. It's just like a chick who's like she can't cook forever or she can't, you know, have sex with you. Well, forever. Yeah. There's only so much that you could put up with. You know what I mean? So it's like I defend chicks who like who want to be taken care of in certain sort of ways. I just. Oh, that's different. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't defend this weird. Yeah. A guy has his shit together. Yeah. You'll date a jerk that has his shit together versus a cool guy who doesn't have his shit together. Then you're a dumbass. Yeah. But a guy who has his stuff together who's cool and nice. Yeah. It's better than a dude who has his stuff together but is broke as hell. I'm sorry. Or is nice. What if you barely have your shit together but are nice as hell? What does that count? I think that's the source of all three of ours. Just for the record, I can't even cook macaroni, but I will give you the best blowjob you've ever had. See, there you go. There you go. It's a quick. It's an exchange. But I think. That has been recorded. In what some people might call a spank bank. But I think the other thing is. The other thing is too is that many nerds, especially in their late teens and into their 20s, they still have this. When they go into dating, they somehow see. They don't see their girlfriend or their significant mother as their mom, but they want to be mommied. You know what I'm saying? In the sense that it's like, well, I can't take you out. I can't whatever. So I'm going to go cry in the corner and I expect you to hug and hold me and say, it's going to be okay. I believe in you and all that type of stuff, which is great to have as a support, but not to have and expect that to happen constantly. And if there's any parents who are listening out there, a good way for you to not raise kids like that is to abandon them. Yeah. Just leave them somewhere. You know what though? A guy may want a woman to take care of him. And pat his back when he's crying in the corner, but eventually that turns into resentment because it's emasculating. And it's like, oh, you can't, you know, I'm supposed to be able to take care of you, but you won't let me. Now I hate you. And it's like, it constantly becomes a power struggle. And that too. Yeah. It's the same thing with the money issue. It's like a lot of dudes are like, yeah, man, I got me a sugar mama. She pays for all my stuff. And then later they're just like, man, you stupid bitch buy me all this stuff. I wish I could buy my own stuff. I'm going to punch her. It's like, dude, that's totally not her fault. You're being a dick about it. Hold on. I got a comment. My girlfriend asked if I can go out to dinner. Right. For the record, if anyone wants to be my sugar mama, let's do that. Klee is going to sugar mom the hell out of me. I'm going to make her sell a screenplay so I can get some breathing room. Just go on tour and just not make any money. I'm of course kidding because I really would be one of those guys who's like, man, I just want to take care of my own shit. I've been doing that forever. I'm totally open to a sugar mama or a sugar daddy. Okay. I'll see what I can do for you. I wouldn't be opposed to a sugar mama short term. Yeah. First. Short term. Yeah. Short term. And then eventually, oh, I'm taking you out this time. Yeah. You know, backy forthy. Backy forthy. Yeah. One of them backy forthy relationships you keep hearing about. Okay. And now here's something I wanted to bring up. What about dating within the geek culture? Like, is that an important thing? Like, you know, like Jews are supposed to date Jews. Could you say that with more stank? You're going to get us arrested by the Hollywood police. Jewish people are supposed to date Jewish people. Jewish, wonderful Jewish individuals. I love the Jews. You know that. I'm dating a Jew. Gold farb. Bam. Bam. I'm trying to think of one that's more Jewish than that. There's not much. Not much. Maybe a Steinerstein somewhere. Yeah. But I don't know. I think it's important to have someone that at least understands why you like what you like and not necessarily have them. It's a bonus if they do enjoy the things that you also enjoy. But the fact that they are willing and open and do like to, maybe not to the certain same extent that you do, but are willing to like dip a foot in your interest pool, so to speak. Coming up with so many metaphors, nine times out of 10. That, yeah, that's important. Otherwise, you'll just be, oh, okay. Well. Sex is nice. Yeah. If this is important to you nerds out there, go to geek2geek.com. Yeah. And what's the other one? I think there was one called Soul Geek. Soul Geek. That could be another thing. Is that for black geeks? I don't know. Well, instead of soul mate. I hope it is. Soul. Soul. Soul. Geek. That's John Clark, right? Here you go. My soul mate. That's a call out to John Clark there. I enjoy Marvel Comics and The Temptations. Would you ever date an Uber nerd? An Uber nerd? Of course, if he was tall, Asian, bald, had money. He can be into whatever he wants. Tall, Asian, bald. Tall, Asian, and bald? You like tall, Asian, and bald? Tall, bald, Asian guys. That's my thing, man. But, yeah, you know what? I'm open to anyone who would treat me right. Okay. Anyone that is compatible with me. Yeah. You know, I'm not going to just, I don't even know if it's necessarily a group or a type. I'm not going to date outside that just to say that I can. You know, I'm looking for someone who's compatible, who's looking for the same thing, who has the same goals as me. All right. Fair enough. And if I like comic books, fine. I forgot about this. We have a phone number if anybody's actually listening and wants to call in. The phone number is 1-800-893-9562. 1-800-893-9562. We'll be right back. So she doesn't like comic books, and she does read fantasy books, which I abhor. But she understands comic book concepts because of the fantastical literature that she's read, from hard sci-fi to this dude she reads. She reads his nursery crime novels. Oh, I love those. Frickin' Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, but he didn't fall off it. He got shot by frickin' Jack Spratt or somebody. It's like, get the fuck out of here. I just think it's so stupid. Here goes Ed. The same way that I'm reading my comic book about dudes with their underwear on the outside punching each other, she can definitely appreciate what I'm doing, and I can appreciate what she's doing, because at least it's imaginative. She's not reading a fucking Zane book about two soul sisters dyking out in London, some weird, stupid situation that sucks. She's not reading urban erotica. But has she introduced you to some other nerdy things? Well, I think my appreciation for Star Wars has gone up and gone down due to her involvement. I can appreciate how dope the books are. I used to love reading certain Star Wars books when I was a youngster, but I got away from it because it just got too convoluted and stupid, and she's shown me the ones that are actually cool. So that was cool, and I've shown her some graphic novels where she's like, okay, I'll read this. The pictures don't make my brain hurt. You know what I mean? So it's kind of a pretty cool quote. See, that's cool and healthy. I think it's cool to have people. I think it's cool to have people that have like-minded interests but are able to open up new windows and introduce new stuff and new shit that the two of you can share possibly. And if not, it's no big deal. My girlfriend tried to make me read, and it is, I'm trying, and it made me want to stab a person, the vampire series. What are the fucking things called? Twilight? Oh, yeah? Yeah. And I read the first book, and I was like, nah, this is terrible. There was like one or two points where I was like, oh, it's this. Like a couple of clever show-don't-tell writing things in there that I was like, oh, okay, maybe I could let her slide a little bit. But then it didn't get any better. And then I was like, okay, well, maybe there'll be like a bunch of action in the next movie or in the next book. And so I was like, well, does it get better? Does more stuff happen? She was like, yeah, so much shit happens. And I was like, okay, cool. So then I went and read the second book. And let me tell you something about the second book. Nothing happens. There's not a fucking thing that happens. She's just really sad and then really sad and then really sad. And then that guy's a wolf and then that guy's a vampire and they go to Italy. And something looks like that cool might happen in Italy. Nothing cool happens. Then they just leave Italy and everything's fine. That's the end of the book. So there you go. I just gave you the second book of Twilight in like four sentences. For you for sticking it out. And less boring, by the way. That's my sentences, less boring. Well, I mean, and the one thing I will say about this whole date and side, your nerd circle thing. I mean, it is true, though. You have to see. I mean, you have to. Compatibility really isn't just a set of factors, which is why I think online dating is stupid, too, because it's like it's like shopping. You know, you can't shop for a person. No shopping. Yeah. You can't just be like, oh, yeah. Oh, likes blowjobs and Conan. Yeah. You know, it's just. Oh, I agree with that. My online dating was mostly just due to the fact of I'm not a, you know, social person. It's not that I'm not a social person. I just don't think to ask women out whenever I'm just hanging around them. It's weird and dumb and stupid. Right. But but what I think it is, is that it gets a lot of the getting to know you crap out of the way. And in that way, when you go on the date, you at least kind of have an idea of who the person is and what they're about. Have an idea. But you talk about it. And then you figure out whether it's the only thing I have against that, though, is like the initial. And we. We try so hard, especially in the nerd community and like the religious community, which have a weird overlap for some reason. Yeah. The nerd slash religious community will not acknowledge the animal nature of sexual relations and any marriage, any lifelong bond. I'm sorry. It's sexual. It starts out sexual. If you can't, if your chick doesn't turn you on on, if you don't. And especially if you don't. It doesn't even matter. Honestly, you can have a girlfriend. You're not even turned on by it because we end up that way all the time. Like nerds all the time. It's like, hey. Hey, this this weird girl that likes Twilight and stuff. And she's got weird bangs in her face all the time. I could deal with that. You know what I mean? We do end up. But girls, if your girl isn't somewhat in awe of you or super sexually attracted to you, you are fucked. You are fucked. Your whole shit is going down. Right. You're building a ship that's already on fire. You know what I mean? So. So with the online thing, I just feel like it takes out the animal nature because you're going to meet people in person. But after all that him and Han and talking to stuff, you can kind of sublimate. That animal thing. Whereas in the streets. Hey, what's up? Hey, I see you. You see me. You have no problem with my adult acne. I have no problem with your fupa. Let's go. Hey, we got a caller. We got Joel. Is this Joel? This is Joel. Hey. Welcome to the Angry Dorks podcast. Well, glad to be on it. I've been enjoying your first half. OK, cool. Thanks. Normally we talk about even nerdier things, but this is the nerd dating. Uh, episode, uh, for those of you who know, uh, Joel, and I say your name right by the way. Yeah. Sweet. He has, uh, written for, uh, among other things. She's also, uh, she's written Avengers, uh, cartoon T Titans and Jackie Chan, uh, Ben 10 as, as well. Correct. So a bunch of cool, cool ass cartoons. Um, and, uh, well, first off, uh, are you, are you a nerd? You're a nerd, right? I'm a super nerd. I was. You're a nerd. You're a nerd. You're a nerd. You're a nerd. You also drawn, drawn some comic books as well. Um, I've, I've written them. I can't draw everything I draw. It looks like a potato. We have that in common then Joel. Iron potato. Um, and, uh, and, and so, uh, my question is, uh, what do you think about, uh, dating within the nerd culture? Well, I am a terrible guest for you to have because I, next month I'll be married for 11 years. Hell yeah. No, that's a great, that's a great guest. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah. So all my dating is done vicariously through my single friends. And then you go to bed happy at night. Is your, is your dad. And I, I hear these stories and I just come home and I hug my husband. If you're ever going to leave me, just chop my head off and leave me in a dumpster. Cause I do not want to date again. It's horrible. It really is. It's a bad, especially LA. LA is a terrible market. Yeah. I think it's a bad market. Well, what do you think that is and specific? Well, I, I just remember some of my dating horror stories when luckily I didn't have to go through it too long out here. Um, I'm originally a New Yorker and in New York you have a date and you set the date and you both show up and you go through your date and it's bad or it's good and that's it. And here it's like this whole ordeal with, you know, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, a Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish Swedish it was a date or it wasn't a date and I never really knew. And I, you know, we would have a time and then they wouldn't show up. And it would just make me crazy. Oh, there's flakes in LA? What? I wasn't used to that because there are not flakes in New York. Yeah. Oh, no. People are on their shit in New York. I didn't meet them. I have another question for you. Is your husband a nerd? Oh, yeah. Sweet. Two nerds together making nerds. See, that's one of my, it's a joke I do, but it is totally true. Like people are always like, oh, nerds don't get laid. And it's like, yeah, where do you think smart people come from? They don't come from two people banging. Much more comfortable, you know, dating, you know, super smart, nerdy guys. I went to a very nerdy high school. What high school? Hunter High in New York. Nice. I don't know anything about that. I like to pretend I know things. Sounds nerdy. It was one of those gifted schools where, you know, the guys around, we didn't have jocks. We didn't have like a football team or anything. Oh, man. I wish that had been my school. Was it one of those schools that only had a lacrosse team? Everyone was like really into comics and we used to play like we'd have like Lord of the Rings identities. What the fuck? Why did I have to go to Del Norte? This is bullshit. Well, you were in New Mexico and she was in cool New York. Are you sure that's New York or Narnia? Because I've never heard of this before. This is awesome. One thing, one thing I wanted to ask you, the first non-dating related question, how did you actually break in? And I know you probably had to answer this question a billion times, so answer it as interestingly as possible. How did you actually break into animation writing? Like what made you think you could even do it? Because I have a crisis of confidence about stuff like that. I still don't think I can do it. I had moved out here besides to attack the thriving dating scene. But I'd heard such wonderful things about it. To get into TV writing. And pretty much as soon as I got here, I got into the Warner Brothers sitcom program. And I got an agent and I thought I was going to be super successful. Nice. And then I didn't get staffed and the agent dropped me. And I had a writing partner that I was writing with at the time. So we had all these, you know, decent spec scripts that had, you know, gotten meetings and things. So he had a friend who was running the Mary-Kate and Ashley show. I saw that you'd written a cartoon for that. Yeah. That's awesome. So we passed our good spec scripts on to her. So she gave us a couple episodes. And, you know, then we had our animation credit. And from there, we went on to a couple episodes of Jackie Chan. And then my partner, who was a writer, had had quite enough of trying to be a writer. And I just continued on my own. Nice. So it sounds like basically you just submitted until something came through. Pretty much. And we had some close calls and pitched to other shows and nothing happened. And, you know, finally we just had that one produced credit. What was your worst pitch meeting story? I like to hear those. Yeah. Oh, there's so many of them. Um, actually, probably my worst meeting in general was our manager wanted to find us an agent. And we went to see this agent, this medium-sized talent agency. And she just talked nonstop. And I sat there just listening to her go on and on and on. And I really didn't say anything. Like, she'd ask me a question and I'd start to answer and she'd interrupt. Oh, man. So I would, you know... That sounds like some girlfriends I've had. She was definitely one of those hyper-chatty people. And I was a lot quieter at the time. Now you'd be like, look, woman, I got something to tell you. Yeah, now I've been jaded enough so that I don't want to sit and listen to anyone give me their bullshit about what they do anymore. So pitching is just like dating. Yeah, pretty much. You just go in expecting for not a whole lot to come out of it. And, you know, sometimes you kind of hit pay dirt and sometimes you don't. So anyway, I'd gotten back from this agent meeting and my manager called us and just really kind of singled me out. Joelle, what did you do? What did you say? I didn't say anything. I literally did not say anything. And she said, like, she could never send you out in a room. She couldn't send you on meetings. She thought you were weird. Because you didn't enthusiastically support her loggeria. Yeah, like I didn't say or do anything. And suddenly my manager was having second thoughts. She's like, you know, do we need to have you sign up for improv so you can improve your personality? Oh. Oh, what? Yeah. That's, oh, that's disgusting. That's disgusting that somebody would say that. Well, I mean, I don't want to take pictures. My girl said, well, if you just be a writer, you're going to have to take pictures. And I'm just like, oh, like, why not to do that? There's so many things that go into it. Charm class. Did they want to put a book on your head? Jesus. Charm class. That's terrible. What's wrong with people? You know, I think a lot of being a writer is just finding the right fit. Like, there are people who I just don't see myself working with that it's just not a good personality fit. And there are people that are just entirely on the same page with me creatively. And it's just, it's like not even working. It's just like, oh, we're having fun. We're making up shit. Okay. So, again, it's parallel to dating. Yeah. In a lot of ways. It's very, very much like that. Much like dating. So, when you were working on Teen Titans, which I think is, you know, awesome, which is, I love that cartoon, by the way, as a side note. Oh, thanks. It says here you worked on the Bunny Raven or How to Make a Titanimal Disappear episode. Yeah, we had the only musical Teen Titans. We had a big music number. Wow. That's awesome. Which kind of polarized the fans. When you're a Grayson. Did it piss off some and some of them loved it? Yeah, some of them really liked it. And the episode, they were all, the Titans were all turning into like these little cute animals. Yeah. And there were some people, it was just not their thing. It was the first time I really saw something nasty written about me on the internet. Oh, shit. Oh. Man, if only that was the first time. It was the first time for me. Yeah, I get that every day. God forbid you try something different. You're like, now you're like, yep, I'm going to get something nasty written about me. It sounds awesome to me. Yeah. I mean, it sounds hilarious. It was funny, right? It was funny. It was so much fun to do. And the voice of Mumbo, our villain, was voiced by Tom Kenny, who's amazingly talented. He's the voice of SpongeBob. Yeah. And we hadn't told him. He was going to be singing that day. Oh. So he walks in and the voice director hands him the song. Like, oh, this is your song. I'm singing? So we were a little scared that, oh, nobody really checked to see if he wanted to sing or if he could sing. So music director played the song and he just hit it out of the park. Oh, that's awesome. He was amazing. He was amazing. I've never been. I've never been so impressed with a human being. That sounds awesome. You also wrote for the Avengers, Mightiest Heroes. Mm-hmm. Big fan of that one. And, uh... Is that the one with the future? Or is that just an Avengers cartoon? It's just an Avengers cartoon for Disney. And this one, it said you, uh, it was the one, you wrote the one with Kree, Sentry Drone. Yeah. Went to Captain Marvel, right? The big giant space robot. Now, isn't that one based, basically, on a comic? I mean, it sounds super familiar. Yeah, that wasn't a comic. The way the show was written, Chris Yost, the story editor, who's also a huge writer for Marvel on the comic side... That sounds very familiar. ...kind of took bits and pieces of the comic canon... Nice. ...to create the narrative of the show. And then adjust. That happens a lot in cartoons, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Especially when you're working with comic books. I love that because, I mean, it's funny because it's like, I, you know, like a while back they had a Spider-Man episode where he gets, when he gets the Venom suit. This is many, many years ago. Mm-hmm. And in the, you know, obviously in the comic book, it's Secret Wars and he's like in a different dimension and it's like, involves like a bunch of different heroes and you can't really exactly do all that on a cartoon. Well, the last, uh, the last couple episodes of the first season going into the first half of the second season is based off of Secret Invasion. Yeah. Of, uh, In Earth's Mightiest Heroes. And I thought that was really cool. Oh, that is cool. Yeah. I haven't seen that part yet. Mm-hmm. That's exciting. Um, pretty much, uh, then the other question, uh, I had another question for you. Is there any project you really want to work on? Like any comic book or, uh, or anything you have like a dream product, project? Um, I think it would be, like different in comics and different in animation. Okay. Well, let's do comics first since we talked about animation. Yeah. Do comics. Um, I would really love to take on one of the female superheroes. Okay. Any, uh, any specific one or? I think I misheard you. What did you say? Any one of the female superheroes. Oh, yeah. You got a favorite? Um, there's actually like an obscure, obscure one. Cool. That I've always been fascinated with. And I think I'll just never do it. Is, um, Crazy Jane. Crazy Jane. I don't even know that. You know Crazy Jane? She sounds familiar. We're going to have to Google it. Um, I also saw that you worked on this womanthology anthology. Yeah, that just came out, uh, on Wednesday. Ooh. Tell me about that. That was, um, a story that I actually had always wanted to do. Um, when I, I've come out of advertising and I worked at an ad agency for a while in El Segundo. And El Segundo is kind of like a hotbed of like aerospace. And we had the creative department shared a hallway with this government lab. Ooh. And like I would go out there and I was also writing at the time. I would take my calls with my, my manager and sit in the hallway and someone would always poke their head out. And I'm like, you can't sit there because they had like all this top secrets shit going on. And so I was thinking of doing this story. Like what if they were experimenting on us? That would be awesome. So my, my story was about this girl who works in an ad agency. She's an assistant and her coworkers start turning into aliens around her. That's awesome. And spoiler alert, it's the, uh, the government lab. Now, I swear I won't tell anybody, but have you overheard? Anything from the government agency next door that you probably shouldn't have overheard? No, they, they, they had a locked door. So I really never knew what was going on. Well, at least they locked the door. But that's the thing that's so funny to me. It's like this super secret government lab. What they think you're going to do, put a cup against the door and get all the secrets. It's so silly. Gentlemen, we need to keep this top priority. Oh, crazy Jane, by the way, you're right. That is a badass character to write. Mm-hmm. The, uh, the... Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The, the crazy Jane has a, what, like, looks like 30, 30 different personalities. I think like 60. Yeah. And some of them have, uh, like superpowers. Some of them don't. Some of them were like trying to help her. That's awesome. That does sound awesome. And her best friend is a street. A street? A street. Oh, yeah. Danny the talking street. Danny the street. Yeah. And I just think that's so random. That's a thing? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Danny, Danny. Danny the talking street. Danny the talking street. Danny the talking street. Danny the talking street. He's a, he's a street man. And he talks. He has shit to say. And I, I just imagine this like crazy character just yelling at the road. And how much fun that would be. Oh my God. That is awesome. Don't forget to yield. Okay. When we got a couple of, uh, I try to get everybody involved who, who checks things out, uh, on, on our little page here. Um, Stouty Stout, who's a friend of mine who, uh, by the way, Stouty has, uh, one of the better, uh, mustache goatee chop combination of all time. Nice. And also has a mullet. Um, and it is not an ironic mullet. It is a, I think this mullet is cool mullet. So go for you Stouty Stout. Um, and he put, so since you're talking about online dating sites, how do you feel about the questions asked on OkCupid and how accurate the method is or isn't? I've answered around 2000 questions and I don't even look at profiles that haven't answered at least 500 and still have an above 80% match. What do you guys think of that? What do I think? I think that's kind of smart, but at the same time, I think that's kind of smart. I usually just look at, I read the profile and see, oh, she's into this, into that and into that. And if that's enough, I just write a message saying, Hey, you know, give proof that I've read her profile, not just hi or Hey, or any of that garbage. I like to write, uh, Hey, can we have some sex? That doesn't work though. You know, and then the direct approach is always good. Well, that's what, yeah. And that's when I'd be like, Hey, we have this, this, this in common. Uh, check out my profile. If you think likewise, uh, shoot me a message. And then after the second message or so I'll be like, okay, here's my number or here's my email. Let's, let's schedule a date and meet like at Starbucks or wherever, or at a bar for drinks or something like that. Yeah. I don't, uh, I want to be clear. I date on. Okay. Cupid, but that's not exclusively what I do. I do ask for phone numbers if I'm at a show and I hit it off with a girl very well. Yeah. You do date in 3D. I do date in 3D. It's not all Skype. I met my husband on Match.com. See? Oh, there you go. Well, that's a perfect ad for that. There you go. 10 years. Now, if only we had Match.com to sponsor us, that would be fucking helpful. The thing like way back then, back in the day, we had to answer like maybe five questions. And that was it. Like you answer a couple of questions. It's like, yeah, I want them this tall. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. I want them this big. And, you know, within this like salary range. Dick must be nine inches. And, you know, they're from there and pretty much it. And then it just shot some matches out at me. Okay. I'd like to... And now it's so crazy. And I watch what, you know, my friends are on OkCupid answering like 500 questions. Yeah. I'm like, jeez. I don't think... I have shit to do. I gotta be honest. I spend most of my day promoting for shows and writing and doing things, answering a bunch of questions to go on some dates. That shit's not going to happen for me. Keep in mind, the only time I answer questions is in bouts of insomnia that I do once a month. Yeah. I was going to assume that was something like that too. I wake up at two in the morning. You have shit to do. I know that. I had a brainstorm. We need to come up with... It's complicated. We need to come up with a comic book dating site. Like people who are into comics and you can ask a bunch of specific comic questions like, do you think Jim Lee designed this? Jim Lee designs the worst fucking costumes ever. Check yes or no. Do you think Rob Liefeld's a dick? Everybody thinks Rob Liefeld's a dick. The one thing that I liked about OkCupid though was that I guess if you match few enough questions, they call it your nemesis. Yeah. Yeah. And I really wanted to go on and find a nemesis because I don't have a nemesis. Right. And I thought how cool would it be to have an actual nemesis? An arch enemy. And you can name them. And you have reasons. Yeah. You have a girl who loves magic, hates basketball. So I thought like, you know, I could have a nemesis and, you know, he could like bomb my house or be kind of like a doctor venture and monarch. There you go. Nice. And going on and... Essentially form your own guild. Yeah. That would be awesome. Yeah. And I thought like that, that would be, you know, kind of useful. Yeah. Well, we know that me and Melissa don't do dating sites. Right. You don't do dating sites either. Yeah. You know what? I wanted to tell you guys real quick. The way I met a guy once, I was standing in a line in Vegas and he came up and grabbed me around the waist and dipped me and kissed me. Whoa. I'm still in love with that guy. Wow. Nothing, no online profile is ever going to match that. Could a man that looks like me do that and get away with it though? No. Because you would look like you were about to rape someone. Yes, exactly. You look like my ex-husband actually. I love you, but we know that that's an accurate statement. We all know that that's, yeah, there's accuracy to it. I agree. Have you ever done a website dating thing? No. I would never trust- Have you ever dipped a random woman and made out with her? No, I've searched one out before. No, I mean, really, I mean, I never would trust my picture to attract a woman. I think really they do have to meet me and see how cool I am in conversation. Yeah. I'm the same way. To be totally modest and honest about it. Yeah. Well, that's why I, you know, my profile and my messaging, I'm always on the same page. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I look like this, but these are the things that I want. These are the things that I really am. Because if I were at a bar and say, hey, can I buy you a drink? They'll be like, nah. I have a few fears that with online dating, I would just take that opportunity to write the most outrageously hilarious bullshit I possibly could on my, because it would just be like, look at this opportunity to say hilarious shit. What if that got you a girl though? I would call you. That would be so funny. Well, Ron, here's the good thing about OkCupid. You can have more than one account. Oh my God. That's awesome. So you can have a real one and a fake one. Oh yeah. We got to wrap this up here. So, by the way, I guess, Joelle, is there anything you want to plug before I, before we're out of here? Everyone go out and get this week's Womanthology. Yeah. Womanthology. You can download it at Comixology. It's Womanthology space number two. Nice. By IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. IDW. And listen to myself and other comedian Nat Bamel on Dictionary Diatribe, another podcast that you can easily search on iTunes. Nice. And I'm Dorky Swallow at Twitter. I know. My last name is Swallow. You got Angry Dorks podcast every Monday. I have a show at the Ontario Improv October 30th. Podnanny. Check out the Funny Squad Halloween special part one. Came out today. And also, of course, you can hear me right here at Skid Row Studios at 9 p.m. on Wednesdays on Oral Stimulation. Yeah, Oral Stimulation. Oh, yeah. It's A-U-R-A-L, pervs. Thank you guys very much for listening. Thank you very much. Thank you. Angry Dorks podcast every Monday. Good night. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Joelle. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. All right, good times. Good times.