Orgasm control, edging, and chastity devices

so I'm opening up like you know just setting up because we're starting the show and there's this tab open with this Bayer medicated Campo Panique pain and excuse me Panique pain and itch relieving relieving is not even spelled right liquid antiseptic it just kind of took me took me back a little bit anyways hi thank you for tuning in to kink intellectual if you're following us on the twitter we are intellectual kink and I'm service slut and then across the table from me is I'm insidious muse hi oh shit you don't know fix the shit I was tweeting and fat life-ing and all of these things ing a lot of ings going on yeah so it's raining here in LA it is I'm really excited about it too so in the drive over on NPR they have they have somebody they had somebody on who apparently is Los Angeles rain on Twitter and occasionally this person will tweet as Los Angeles rain and say hey I'm not gonna I'm not gonna show up until you get a football team or until you know all of these that's cute very Los Angelino kind of things right so he's on NPR it was hilarious like yeah that's adorable yeah and apparently he got the mayor to send him a picture not an inappropriate not like an Anthony Weiner picture like you know just a very Los Angelino hipster picture so there's that must have had skinny jeans on and a beard oh god stop right there beard but I love the rain it's lovely it is so pretty it is and then yeah it's nice do you know that if you dream of water they say that water is representative of sex fuck that'd be nice sex would be nice yeah okay that is a lovely segue because we have a topic tonight oh god I feel like I'm gonna be stepping on landmines like all night tonight you are god damn me you are you're lucky I didn't have time to gather a bunch of things no so the topic is orgasm control not not why is it womp womp it's not specifically denial it's control restriction under that no no no no no no no restriction is under control denial is under control um you know forced is under is under control those are all underneath and all of those in the spectrum of orgasms lots too little that is where orgasm control it's got all of that the big umbrella that's where it lives that's where it lives that's where it lives got it yes so why uh why do you think you're gonna be stepping on landmines I don't know because sometimes it's like oh god that is not actually an answer because because that I mean like obviously that's a feature of our relationship but it's also like not something that like we really like talk about that often because I don't ask you for orgasms that happen and you know sometimes I you know you do something that is exemplary and I say for that you have earned an orgasm right that happens it has yes it has happened um but for the most part I I feel like this is gonna sound sick and then you give me that look because you're totally expecting me to step on a landmine and then that makes me don't want to say anything no because sometimes I feel like if I ask then hearing no is gonna make me feel really not good and so then I would rather save myself really not good really not good really not good terrible horrible no good very bad day I have that book too I love that book I used to know by heart there's several books I used to know by heart uh well but that's uh you know then that's a me thing that's a me thing that's a you thing but that's uh that's that's what happens when you choose when you are an s-type well yeah it's one of them things yeah it's one of them things yeah and orgasm control is really it's it's one of like the one of the top parts of any ds relationship in which I am a part of of which I am a part dangling participles me anyway um so it's for me and it's really interesting because the way it's done for men and women is a little bit different not a lot different but a little bit different because when you're dealing with orgasms you're dealing with hormones and men and women have significantly different hormones if you didn't know uh-huh they do yeah and for you for a very long time you were on a medication that really stifled your um sexual desire so really whatever it wasn't a big deal orgasm denial was like being done by itself right it was the medicine right um but you then changed medication and so then you know that that little that little spark that starts with that little nugget in between your legs it's like hey how you doing ding dong you hadn't been around a long time lately yeah come down play yeah yeah probably does that so uh really really really really lucky I ran out of time why so I was charging my little we vibe so I was gonna bring the we vibe and uh the the lilu beads and a butt plug that's a lot all of that and say go put all of this in and then um now the we vibe is fantastic because it's remote controlled right but the reality is you really need to be like less than two feet away and directly pointing at it in order for it to work so it's really fantastic if you're under table and next to the person and maybe their legs are spread but like from from the distance that we're apart it wouldn't work like I couldn't just click it on going ha ha you know I would have to tell you now turn it on for two minutes or whatever whatever kind of things um but yeah those are those are that was what I was gonna do and have you wear it and I was just gonna you know randomly throughout the show do various kinds of edging in a completely educational way and I was like I'm gonna do it in a completely educational way and I was like I'm gonna do it in a completely educational way oh yeah I'm sure completely educational so um what so all I heard from you was kind of whining so when you hear orgasm control what do you think that isn't whining I should specify whoa because there's a you know a really easy answer if you don't like it no I know okay of course there's an easy answer easy answer if you don't like it okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay that's something that, you know, people wake up every day and they do it. They do it before they go to bed. It's like that guilty pleasure that's not really that guilty. Well, it used to be. Oh, yeah. It used to be. But, you know, it's something that it's all your own. Like you discover your body and, you know, everybody orgasms differently. It's something that's unique to you. And you give that to someone else. And now that's, they're, it's one more part of your body that they're owning. It is a bodily function. You know, it, you know, you can blindfold me. You can put a gag on me. You can do things that will prevent me from doing things that I would do anyways, like speaking and seeing. But orgasm control is one of those things that it doesn't, require, I mean, yeah, I guess for dudes, you can do a chastity device and that kind of stuff. But it's a more on an emotional level. And there's something that about it that requires a fuck ton of trust. A lot of trust and a lot of patience, you know, because when we weren't living together, I could have had an orgasm and you would have never known because we don't live together. True. I mean, you would have known because I would have been like, hey, so did this thing. You heard that. You're terrible at hiding things. I am terrible. You're like the worst liar on the planet. Right. So you would have found out eventually. But then, you know. Also, I'm a really good lie detector. Right. And so then eventually, then the question would have been, well, where's the trust? You know? Yeah, no. And that's one of my things is that I, chastity devices are great. They're awesome. And from everybody that I know that's worn them, men, I don't actually know any women that have worn chastity devices. They say, I say that it feels like my hand is wrapped around them all day or for as long as it's on, which is kind of cool, right? But if I need a chastity device for somebody to not orgasm, then they can't be in my life in that regard. Right. Because that's what it takes. It takes, look, you just, I'm asking you to do something and you're going to do it or not to do it, you know, whichever way I'm going. And if you can't do that, then the basis of our relationship is faulty and therefore we can't continue. Right. It's just, that's just the way it goes. Let me give you a little story. Tell me a story. I got a little story. Are you going to do voices too? What? Are you going to do voices? I'm not reading a children's story. Voices come in children's stories. Okay. Maybe I'll read you one tonight. Shut your face. Excuse me? Shut my what? No. What did you just say? I did say it, but like I was, I said it because I was excited. And so, anyway. So there's this gentleman, this guy that, like I've been talking to him for how long now? Like, you know, it feels like forever. And it's just been kind of weird and whatever. And so we were doing this thing and then I gave him instructions to do this edging thing, right? And then he did the edging thing and then he came. Even though before I said, you know, you don't get to come without permission. And then he came and I was like, are you fucking serious? And he's like, well, I didn't have to tell you. So that's your answer? That you didn't have to tell me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand the exercise. Trying to get credits for being honest, quote unquote. The exercise was not about, hey, if he's going to fuck up, is he going to tell me? No. Can you follow a simple fucking task? That's it. Very simple. It's easy. Just don't come. Hell, I can even do that. And that's fucking saying something. I can. No, you can't. I could put myself on orgasm restriction if I chose to. No, you cannot. I absolutely can. But let's be honest. Nobody around me wants me like that. Well, because. I am grumpy. Oh my God. When I haven't had sex in a while, I'm a very, very, very grumpy person. I am. And I've been really grumpy lately. Thank God I'm having sex tomorrow night. Grumpy. See? So, but it was a very simple thing. And he just didn't do it. And I'm like, are you? And that was it. I was like, I'm done. I don't, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to have this discussion any longer because you're wasting my time. Go to somebody who cares or is willing to invest in you like this. I'm not. It's real easy. But the nice thing about that is like, hey, okay. All right. That was a really easy thing. And he failed, which means I don't have to waste my time anymore. I don't have to go through all of these headaches and headaches and be like, oh, this person is exhausting. And I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like exhausting people. I don't know if to some people like orgasm control is a, is a sexy thing necessarily. Because people value their orgasms. You know what I mean? I am. I know what you mean. But I mean, because you're taking it from the bottom side, from the submissive. So what do you, what do you say? And what do you mean by it's a sexy thing and they value it? So what do you, what do you? Well, I don't, I think that I personally think that orgasm control is, is an emotional thing. And that makes it appealing to me. It is not some, like, I just, to be honest, like even if there wasn't any orgasm control, I wouldn't be having orgasms that often anyways. I just wouldn't. Like, it's just, I'm weird like that. But I feel like, you know, for someone that is interested in orgasm, I think it goes further than to say, oh, it's so hot. And, you know, it makes me horny or something. I think, I think it's more something that you would engage in to be dedicated to someone. I don't see some, I don't see someone who's like a casual play partner engaging in something like that. Agreed. I don't, I mean, orgasm control isn't really for scenes. It's for relationships. Right. It makes it, it's a little bit, I mean, you could in a scene, but they can go home and masturbate. Who cares? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's just not the same. I mean, you could within a 24 hour time period, et cetera. But if you can't come in 24 hours, I mean, really, is that, is that control? Not a lot. I mean, a little. It's a minute amount of control. Now, if you told somebody within a 24 hour time period, you will have as many orgasms as you can within this time period. You have no other plans. You're not working. You're blah, blah, blah. And you will give me a total at the end of it. That is orgasm control. And I have done that. By the way, women win every single time. Just putting that out there. Because the men just can't. At some point, they're like, I'm done. There's, there's puffs of, of air coming out. Yep. Well, my girl's going still. So you're at six and she's at 23 right now. So she wins. That's fun. Boop, boop. No, and I, and I agree that there is a significant mental component to any, any kind of orgasm control. And it is. It is about continuing that linkage, that, that DS relationship kind of dynamic. It is, it's about giving over that control to somebody, having that trust in them and having that trust in the, in the submissive as well, that each person's going to do their part. And it is, it's a, it's a beautiful thing, particularly when, you know, an orgasm happens, that, that it is given specifically by the dominant. You know, I, I can't, I can't say that when I give, you know, an orgasm, I gave the best orgasm. I'm not going to say that, but it's enhanced because there is that emotional component to it. Right. There's something about being granted an orgasm that makes it, makes it better, makes it, well, at least for me, it makes it better for me. It, it, it feels, it's better than getting a good girl or a pet on the head or whatever it may be. It feels nice. It feels like I'm being gifted. I'm with myself. Does that make sense? No. Like, it's really hard for me, even before we had orgasm control, it was really hard for me to do things just for me. So when someone says, go do this thing that's just for you, that happens to be really fucking awesome. It just, there's something extra about it. Okay. So what you're saying is we can take orgasms off the table altogether for you and I can send you on to get pedicures and that will be the same. No. Because it's not extra awesome like an orgasm. Manny petty? I added a Manny in there. But the way that you said that was almost diminishing what an orgasm is. I mean, because an orgasm is, I mean, it's a full body experience. It's explosions. Or it should be a full body experience. It's not always though. You know what really sucks is when you say, oh, you can have one orgasm and that one orgasm is so shitty. Oh Jesus. It pisses me off. It makes me so mad. I've never been like granted an orgasm, but when you know, it's like, I got just like time for this one and you're like, oh, and the worst thing is when you like, you know, it's there, it's almost there, it's almost there, it's almost there. And then you have an orgasm, but you're like, fuck this was, oh, you dickhead. That's pretty much how I feel. Yeah. Shitty orgasm. It really sucks. Really, really sucks. Cause then it's like, well shit, I can't go downstairs and be like, hey, I had a really crappy orgasm. Can I have another one? Like that's, you do know what my answer would be? No. Sucks to be you. Exactly. Sucks to be you. Or, oh, poor baby. Nope. Then I always come back with something fantastic. Like, okay, have seven. Before I go to bed. Yep. And then there's, that's impossible. There's no time for that. It's seven or none. I do this all the time. Yeah. And then it's, but it's impossible to achieve because there's other people in the house or you're about to go to sleep or whatever it is. And you're loud now. You didn't used to be loud. You used to be all quiet. Now you're fucking loud. I'm like, do you mind? I am trying to sleep. But here's the thing is that I now enjoy them more than I did before. That's why. Gag you during your orgasm. I didn't do anything. I'll fucking duct tape your head. That's what I'll do. God damn it. Send you to the car. Go masturbate in the car. Get out, get off my lawn. Oh my God. Yes. So under the, under the, the umbrella of orgasm control, as we said, there's, there's the denial. There's the restriction, which is more than the, the, the, the, the only thing that weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß you and I ask for an orgasm and you say why and I say because it feels good is that not logical no that is that is the the most surface answer I will and I won't give you it just for that you know what I want mistress may I have an orgasm I'm asking for the following reasons number one there's been a lot of stress and I'm really stressed out and I have kind of pent-up energy I've been feeling really anxious and I'm hoping that through this release it will help alleviate some of my anxiety number two I you know etc etc whatever I want fucking bullet points I'm I'm really logical and I know it's maddening to the rest of the world but that's when I when you ask for something from me if it's orgasms if it's anything you ask for something of me that's what I want give me a logical reason it does that mean that I'm devoid of emotion not at all I in fact have oodles and oodles of it that I give all the time however it's one of those I need to understand this why what is going on in your head and I'm not psychic am I incredibly observant yes but I'm not psychic so I don't know what's going on in your head until you tell me that's all it's not that hard no no no you just don't like it why don't you like it which part the fact that I require a logical rationale um it's not that I don't like it it's that when I do ask it's something where like okay I I am fully aware that this is now become a necessity I need to have this now not need in the way that you define it but need in the way where I have an urgent want um and so then it's really hard to come up with things like that on the fly when I want like instant gratification boy did you choose the wrong relationship for instant gratification fuck I don't even get instant gratification I know I understand um it's just it's just difficult for me you and I are not we don't think the same way in terms you're very logical and I'm not I know so if when you want me to respond in a way that I'm not really used to it's a muscle you understand that right yes yes I understand and it's anybody can learn to be logical yes and it's not quite as developed as yours so channel your inner Vulcan it's all good and you'll be good you're looking at me like I kicked your dog I'm just really stressed out right now about this or just in general well in general and also about this because I'm kind of like landmines man like I'm just like oh is this gonna come back to bite me in the ass everything by comes back everything in all of our shows at some point come back to bite you in your ass I know but this is one of those things where like I'm really like I'm very concerned about how exactly it's gonna come back to bite me yes I'm curious what what do you think that I might do you know what I'm not sure and because I'm not sure shouldn't be anxious I understand that it is not logical for me to be anxious at this time because there is nothing that tells me that something will directly result from all of this from this topic so I logically I should be calm but unfortunately I am NOT very logical when it comes to my anxiety I am really emotional about it so I'm just telling you that that's how I that's how I'm feeling but I'm thinking that it's not gonna be that big a deal does that make sense to you yes you still have like that anxious vibe though and it's like ah stop it with the anxious vibe I'll feed you more baloney I just came back from yoga and like all the zen that I had is gone so basically you're saying I'm a zen sucker no that's not what I'm saying stop jumping to conclusions please totally what I heard no are you sure everybody out there heard you calling me a zen sucker no no no no please that's not what no that's not what I meant all right I completely lost the topic no oh no um what were we talking about orgasm control I'm ready to drop the mic and walk out no no what's appealing about orgasm control to you it is it is a very simple way to enhance roles okay whenever there are certain aspects of control the dominant that me as the dominant has they each independently can enhance my dominance and your or their submissiveness submission submission is a word and and orgasm control it is it's very intimate and it's very easy to play around in it because I'm really gifted at fucking with people's heads okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay when there are certain times, let's say I'm looking at Tumblr or whatever erotic imagery, and a lot of the things that I look at, a good, I'd say 35% apply to you to a T. And I don't share them all with you for a lot of reasons, because a lot of times I know it'll just kind of, oh, you know, that makes me wet in my special places and all that kind of stuff. But sometimes I will because, and I do it in a very calculating way, because I know, okay, this is one of those things. And I judge where you are, how you're feeling. And oftentimes I'll do it, and I'll see if you in fact ever ask me for an orgasm. And you don't, which is on you. But it's, you know, there's a lot of different ways. And that's, it's a chess game. When you're dealing with kind of orgasm control, it's a chess game, because some days you're like, okay, so, you know, no, you're not going to have an orgasm. Or yes, you are. Okay, today, I want you to have X number of orgasms. Today, I want you to edge yourself so many times for the next. Next week, you're going to edge yourself every day, you know, whatever it is. And they're all, they're all different ways, especially in the beginning, when you're trying to see, okay, how does a person react? Because a human being, unlike a chess piece, is not have predictable behavior every single time until you know them. Once you know them, their behavior is pretty predictable. If you look into all the variables, and okay, they're in this mood, this is the outcome. But you have to play around in all of those to figure out what's going to happen. So if I do A, Nancy does B. You know, oh, my God, unless it's her period, if I do A, she does Z, you know, so it just, you know, you have to understand how a person is and how they're feeling. Well, unless she had a bad day, then it's going to result in F, you know, whatever it is. So for me, it's a great way to kind of understand a person and get to know them. Additionally, one of the components of kind of orgasm control is I need to understand what kind of sexual fantasies that they have, which is also incredibly intimate, incredibly revealing, especially in this world. Because often, once we've, you know, gone beyond vanilla, we're into the BDSM, that which arouses us kind of defines or gives us a foothold in where our kink is. So for you, you know, whipping scenes do not arouse you, they frighten you. But being caged, being humiliated, those are very arousing to you. That is for you. And those are your fantasies. And some of them are deep and dark. And it took you a long time to reveal that. It's a process of handing the trust over, of exchanging kind of how that trust goes. I think that orgasm control, the whole concept of it is a very long process. And it's a great way to build upon a relationship, to build a relationship, to get to know your partner. Both sides. And to really kind of feel it out. Sometimes you're like, all right, all you're showing me, another story, this one guy, like, all he shows me is gay porn. All he shows me is gay porn. Big fat cocks in asses. And I'm like, that is awesome. Have fun. I don't have a cock. And he's like, well, but, but, you know, no, but I only, I only, if you're directing it. I don't want to sit there and watch some guy fuck you. That does nothing for me. Because you want it. Now, if you, you have trepidation and you're concerned and you're worried and you would only do it for me, all right, that's kind of hot. But if you're out looking Craigslist for, for cock, I'm not your girl. It's not my thing. So for me, I mean, again, that's very telling. It's very, okay, I get that's where you are. That's great. I don't have any problem with that, but it's not going to work for a relationship with me. You know, the fantasies that you have, if you had come to me with fantasies that were like, you know, whatever, just not in my, my field of vision at all, I'd be like, or I couldn't even look at it and get excited about it. Then it'd be like, all right, well, this is very telling that perhaps that our relationship isn't destined to be, you know? So it's, it's, it's a really great way. If you look past just the general sexuality of it, if you look under the motivation of it, it's a great way to get to know your partner. So that's part of the reason why I like the orgasm control. What fascinates you about chastity devices? What do you mean? I mean, do you mean like their design? I mean, I'm confused by the question. I mean, given the choice, would you have a male use a chastity device or would you just take their word for it that they're not having orgasms? I'm a questionably trustful of men. That's a me thing. That's a me thing. There's a, there's a couple of different reasons. First and foremost, like I said, if I tell someone not to have an orgasm and they do, and they lie about it, then all right, that's, that's a defining moment in our not, no, no longer relationship. No more shall we do this. If a chastity device is required for them not to do it, then I'm not interested. Chastity device is nice. It removes any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any variables. For me, it's not necessarily, it's not even about the comfort of knowing that they're not going to be able to, to come or masturbate. Cause you can still come. It's just not very, it's not awesome. You can't masturbate. It's like kind of like being milked or whatever. But it's about that ever present. I'm always there. It's kind of like a collar. Like you touch your collar for comfort. That's there. I'm always there if a man is wearing a chastity device for me and I have the key. So that, I mean, that is one of the components that I really enjoy about it. And you can also use them in various types of horrible sadism. That's right there. That's what it is. I have been known to crack a whip at a chastity device on a man. It's awesome. Maybe a little Hitachi on that. It's awesome. So my ex-boyfriend had a metal one and I was like, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh. You should fuck me wearing it. And he was like, that sounds awful. I'm like, no, it's awesome. Let's do this. And he's like, no, but I can't, I don't care. I can't. It's hard and metal. Yay. Right. Talk about horrible and cruel and love it. Horrible and cruel. And love it. Cause if you knew who I was talking about, you'd be like, Oh no. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. And good. Oh boy. Yeah. I mean, I like it. I mean, and I know that you had said one time that you would, you would be interested in the possibility of a chastity device. I, I've heard questionable hygienic issues. So that's, I mean, I don't know how that's even resolved. I don't. I don't know either. I mean, how are you going to lock up the clit and the vajayjay and keep it clean? I don't have an answer for that. Me either. If anybody out there has an answer for that. Um, well for men, uh, there's various chastity devices there of different materials that can be plastic, silicone, metal, um, plastic, silicone, metal. I think that's about it. And really they go kind of around the entire shaft and balls. And then there's an entire cage that goes over the penis and it prevents it from getting an erection. But you know, men, men do actually have nocturnal erections. They can only be felt weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß weiß Correct, correct, correct. For sure, for sure, for sure. Are you able to take it off, take it on, or, I mean, put it back on yourself? There's a key and a lock, and generally the owner has the key. I pictured something like that, but I never had, like, heard of anyone actually using it. Yeah, in fact, there's a common term in BDSM called the key holder, and that's the person who owns the key to either a lock like her collar or a chastity device lock. Same concept. It's about the owner. Sure. And yeah, I mean, and the funny thing is, so there's locks, and then I know that the CB series has tags with serial numbers on it. So let's say that you can't have a metal lock like you're going through the TSA. So you have a metal tag, a plastic tag, that it's individual, and if it's broken, you know it's broken. And so, I mean, but it's still, if you really wanted to break it off, you could break it off, but that's for those kinds of purposes. I actually had a male sub once who... He was wearing... It was a plastic chastity device with a metal lock, whatever, I don't care. And he had to go through security because he was on a business trip. And he went through security and he had to get a pat down. And so female security guard, female TSA agent, patting up the leg and then, sir, what is that? And with a deadpan face, he goes, it's a CB6000. And she goes, thank you very much, sir. And he was let go. So she's seen these before. Well, TSA, I'm sure. Right? The shit they see. And now with the body scanners? Oh, my God. Can you imagine the shit they see now? Ah, chastity. I've never given my cock over to no woman. I don't know why all of a sudden I became ignorant southerner, but I did. I don't know. So weird. I just jumped out of the page as a huck fan. How does it make you feel to say no to an orgasm request? Generally, it doesn't make me feel anything. I'm going to have a lot of time. I'm going to have a lot of time. I'm going to have a lot of time. I'm going to have a lot of time. I'm going to have a lot of time. I don't have a logical reason for saying no or yes. I don't willy-nilly do that. It's very rare. I'm probably more inclined to willy-nilly grant an orgasm than refuse one. But if I refuse one, much like with my children, if I say no, I give a reason. No, because of ABC. That's it. Because I want people to understand I'm not just some stupid person or some cruel person that just, you know, no, because I said so. Well, that's a fucked up reason. No. Why? I mean, okay, you're saying no because I haven't received service in X number of days because, you know, you told me to shut my face on the show. Oh, my. Whatever. Whatever reason. I was excited. I said it out of excitement. Well, thank you, mistress, for that then. Oh, my God. See, landmines. I know, aren't they great? Aren't they awesome? I loves them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. And you should shut your mouth all the time because, as a friend of ours said, you are so good at throwing yourself under the bus. And you are. By the way, we've been invited to dinner at their house. Awesome. So, yeah, I mean, that's, for me, I mean, I assume that other people get a great glee out of telling somebody no. I'm not that kind of mistress. I'm not, and this is probably one of my very own faults. Not very own, but one of my faults is that I'm not that cruel mistress. That is very much so. No, I'm not going to stop. I'm just, this phone needs to stop talking. I'm not going to just say no because I can. Well, yeah, I mean, I can. I can say no anytime I want. That's my, you know, my prerogative because I am the boss. But why? I mean, do I, is there a reason? All right, maybe it's no because I don't want to have to go dig out the Hitachi or I don't want to have to go this or, you know, no, I don't want your dirty, filthy cum all over my house. Whatever. I mean, you know, if I ever, I mean, I could say no for those reasons. And quite frankly, there are logical reasons. But, you know, that's just me. I mean, there's more people out there that expect a mistress specifically or even any dominant to be meaner about it. And most of them aren't. And I could be. I think, you know, I think, you know, I think, you know, I think, you know, I think that's rigid in fantasy. Yeah. Kind of in the same way that you expect to be on your hands and knees 24-7. Yeah. It'd be just a bitch for the carpal tunnel, wouldn't it? God. But, I mean, yeah, again, it's about fantasy. And there can be those moments when it can be that kind of cruelness. I enjoy the moments, the scenes, the experiences where I can tap into that really gritty side of myself. That's fun. And we've been doing a lot more of that lately. And I'm really, really liking it. I enjoy that. But for the most part, I'm this person. I'm a total goofball. But that doesn't mean that I don't have those other inclinations where I want to jump around and do other things. So it's kind of like BDSM ADHD. Or every day at your house. Shut up. So, um, for you, what, when you, when you agreed to orgasm control, what did you envision? Um, I didn't really have an idea of what was going to happen. I mean, at that time, I was not having orgasms that often. Um, and I just, it didn't really, it didn't really register with me until much later. And I was like, I'm going to go get a new orgasm. And I was like, I'm going to go get a new orgasm. And I was like, I'm going to go get a new orgasm. And at first I think I was very, I was, it was very easy for me to comply because I didn't want any orgasms. My body was like, nope, we're closed for business. Not happening. This is the fucking Sahara. Wow. Um, so, you know, that happens. And then like, there's no point. Like it just, there's no, there's no character. It's like a shirt on a stick. And that was at first. And then once I got off the medication that I was on and I switched and then things were different, a lot of things changed. And then my sex drive started to wake up again. And then, and then it just felt like, oh, oh shit. So this is what I'm, this is what I'm not getting. Like, it just woke up so many different things. And so it just, I can't say that I, I knew like that I had some sort of idea of what I was doing. I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm just getting into when I agreed to it. Do I regret it? No, I don't regret it. But I mean, it's definitely something that has allowed me to see my orgasms in an entirely different way. And that, I don't know if that's so much due to the orgasm control or just the factors in my life that have changed where I can now actually enjoy orgasms. So it's almost like we've had two phases in it because of kind of the different medications. Mm-hmm. And how is the, how's phase two going? Phase two is really hard. Phase two is a lot harder than phase one. You know that you actually asked for orgasms a lot more during phase one. Yeah. I know. But I think. Got an explanation for that? Yeah, I do. Things were a lot different during phase one. In fact, for a large part of phase one, I, I could do that all willy nilly. Like once obviously got pregnant, got permission. Like it just wasn't an issue. And I think like. I remember some issues. Well, yeah. So there's some, some, some. I think now during like phase two, like there's this added component of like me living with you, which is kind of, that's really difficult for me in that, in that regard, because I have to have orgasms before you go to bed. And then, you know, somebody showering or, you know, just different things or life. We get busy, you know, and now, you know, the expectation for service is a little bit different because I'm there every day. And so if I, if I don't have a chance to do service because life, then I feel like an asshole asking for an orgasm because that's, you know, like why, like I'd be an asshole for that. Like that's, you know, giving nothing and expecting something in return. Like that's not fair. So for me, like I would, I would rather, you know, not, not be that girl. And not, I guess like rub it in your face that there hasn't been any service yet. I'm asking for something. Do you know what I mean? Interesting wording. No, no, I mean, I understand. It was just interesting. It's really, okay. It's really hard for me to articulate some things. So the words that I'm saying, like I'm just, I don't know how to accurately tell you what goes through my mind. I don't know how to accurately tell you what goes through my mind. I don't know how to accurately tell you what goes through my mind. With words, I know what it's like in my head, but I just, I can't. Do you want to draw stick figures? No. That won't help? No? No. Okay. Well, I can't help you then. No, I mean, I just, I don't know. I feel like it's an inconvenience almost. Is that weird? Um, yes and no. I mean, I can see the, the cohabitating part. I can see how there can be an inconvenience to it. I mean, all the other stuff, I wouldn't put that into the inconvenience category. If that makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. You're feeling me. Yeah. No, absolutely. And I mean, like when you brought the, when you brought up the topic this morning and then you were like, oh, you're going to be so bitter. Right. I'm not bitter. Let me clarify. I'm not bitter, but I do kick myself in the ass for not asking more often, you know, but then there's all these other things that I'm not asking for. And I'm like, well, but then there's all these other things that go with asking. I can't just ask. And then like, you know, it's been a busy week and there was no fucking service. You know what I mean? Like pretty much. Yeah. So like, I'm not bitter about it, but I, you know, I do kick myself in the ass for it. You know, do you kick yourself in the ass for not giving service or for not asking for an orgasm? I kick myself in the ass because me not asking for an orgasm is because there was no service. And so it's really in my hands. Like the, the factors that prevent me from asking are in my hands. And so it just, it, it frustrates me that, you know, you know, there's one, there'll be like, you know, Wednesday nights we have the show or there'll be another night where I work late and I'm just really damn tired or, you know, whatever. And like, it just gets, it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. So, you know, it starts with one like little, I, you know, I didn't ask for an orgasm and I totally could have, and it turns into why is my life so fucking busy that I can't have like, consistent service, you know? So right here, right here. So that's why I kick myself in the ass. Bless you. Nobody heard her sneeze because she's in the booth, but she did. So I had to say bless you. Sure. It was, it was the polite thing to do. You're welcome. Edging. Yeah. Oh, oh, for those of you out there who don't know what edging is, it's horrible. Is masturbating to the brink of an orgasm and stopping and not having an orgasm. And edging can, can go on for a long, long time. And you went, ugh, why? Because there's, there's something about being on the brink of an orgasm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. of enjoyment and, you know, I don't know, fucking like perfect zen, your body is floating and then gone. It's all gone. You miss it. You don't ride the wave. That's, and I think that's, you know, I'm describing more like physically, like what it is. Um, I think that now that's the physical part. I think the other part, which I mean, and I was just being melodramatic with my, but, um, I think that the thing that I've liked about edging, um, when I'm with you is that at least, and I don't know, I mean, this could be just, you know, specific to you and I, but even if I'm edging, like you're still like, I still feel your presence and I feel like having you there and something about how, um, you're still involved, um, is almost better than at that, at that time, it's almost better than actually getting to have the orgasm. Um, I feel like, you know, there's some sort of like sadistic pleasure that you get out of that. Uh, yeah, exactly. And so that, that pleasure seeing that, and then seeing that like sparkle in your eye and you smile and, and you're so pleased, you're so amused, amused. Yes. Yeah. You're so amused. And that's like a really like nice thing to see. And, and it just, if that feels good and that's my logical answer. That is a very logical answer. Okay. I appreciate that. It was very well articulated. You took it. Emotional thing. So glad. Articulated it logically. I appreciate that a lot. It's really hard for me to articulate things sometimes. What if you're edging and I'm not there? Um, it's not the same. Well, duh. But what is it like? Um, it's, it's frustrating. I've never edged, so. Thank God. Cause man, you'd be not happy. Could you imagine? Oh, forget it. No, I don't want to. I don't want to. All the coffee in the world wouldn't fit. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yeah. No. Um, when you're not there and edging is happening, I don't feel, I obviously don't feel as connected. I feel like, you know, sometimes I get scared that I'll be edging and that, that I won't stop in time. Oh, you should be scared. Yeah. That's, that's a legitimate fear. Um, you know, and in so many ways I feel like, cause I mean, I didn't start enjoying orgasms until pretty recent. I mean, that's, I mean, it's not like, I remember trying to have orgasms in my early twenties. My God, I'm turning 30 this year. Um, in my early twenties and like, they were never, ever as awesome as they have been now, you know? And so it always, Really? Really. And so it really leads me to believe that, you know, I, I, I never explored my body in that way before. I just never had. And so edging is really scary for me because I feel like, okay, I gotta be real, like, I gotta really pay attention, really pay attention. What is happening? Is that it? Is that it? No, no, no, it's not it. I know it sounds really stupid. It does. But that happens. It does happen, you know? And, and I get like really just really like self-conscious about it. Well, I think that, you know, you are justifiably paranoid because we have history with something similar. So yeah, I mean, I can understand that, but I think the, I wonder how common, I mean, statistically, I understand that it's fairly common for, for a lot of women to not fully understand their body and have, have explored it. In fact, there's some app that's being released soon to teach a woman how to masturbate. It's like a legitimate thing. And it's, it's one of those things where I, I, I don't think that that's so much of an issue in the BDSM community because we're pretty sexually aware. Well, I mean, but see, there's other, there's other factors like cultural status, you know? I mean, I, my family, we never talked about, we never talked about sex. We didn't talk about masturbation, but. We didn't talk about anything. We didn't talk about anything related to the downstairs area. Anything. We talked about, so we, interestingly enough, we talked about sex a lot, but masturbation was no, like, it was a dirty secret. Like, no, like when I started, my mom sent me to therapy when I was 17 because I had anger issues. You don't say. I had to fuck off. When, I remember being terrified that the therapist would find out that I masturbated. Terrified because I was a bad person. So, I mean, I get it. Yeah. So, I mean, you know, I think there's factors like that. And I mean, there's more and more. There's more people out there that haven't explored their body. I think more people than report it, really. I feel that, I'm tired. I feel that that is an accurate thing in the past. And I think that it's lessening. Oh, no, absolutely. It is absolutely lessening. People are becoming more aware of their bodies, of their sense of pleasure, of that which gives them pleasure. No matter how extreme some of them can be. Welcome to the internet. And so, I think that it's not as much of an issue as it was for those of us who had to struggle like me before the internet. Woe is me. And with phones that were plugged into the wall. Whoa. Right? Crazy world. But yeah, no, I think that it definitely is, masturbation is a part of it. I mean, so, I mean, there is... There is obviously more than one reason why edging is kind of worrisome for me. Mm-hmm. You know, is there a part of me that wishes that we could do away with orgasm control solely for the fact that, like, I feel like I've lost out on so much time with just exploring that? There is a small part, sure. But I wouldn't change that because I feel like that adds to our dynamic. Right. Right. I don't want to lose that. Right. You know? And I feel very strongly that if I was going to explore that, I want to explore that with you. I want you to be a part of me exploring that. You know? I... That's one of the things that orgasm control has helped in terms of, like, just growing in that way. I really wouldn't give orgasms that much meaning if it weren't for you. Ah. So there... So it's a ringing, you know, accolade for orgasm control. It sounds awesome. Everybody should do it. Go out and control your orgasms, people. That's... Yes. Drop the mic. I'm kidding. Yeah. I mean, so... Wow. Hey, we're out of time. Look at that. I don't think that we touched on a lot of it, but we really did. I think we explored a lot further than just chastity, which we've done a full episode on. So... But that's us. And this is Intellectual Kink. And you can follow us on the Twitter. I'm Insidious Muse. And I'm Service Slut. And it's Kink-Electual. Kink-Electual. If you're listening, you are Kink-Electual. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And then review us on iTunes, please, because we really, really, really value your input. And look us up on Fed if you're so inclined. Yeah. And share us because, you know, we really want to orally gang bang everybody. That's what we want to do. With protection. Drops mic.