Domestic violence awareness with Vicki Doolittle

Hello, I'm Julianne Good and this is Psych One-on-One. Welcome. We are here to make psychology more understandable with tips for you, your family, and your friends to make your lives easier. I am doing a little bit of something different this evening. I am going to be switching over to live Tuesday nights between 7 and 8 Pacific Standard Time. I have a class on Monday nights now, so we're going to just be running reruns on Mondays and doing new shows on Tuesdays. So yeah, so psychology two nights a week is pretty nice. I really enjoy it. So I hope you enjoy it too. My special guest this evening is Vicki Doolittle. She is the Executive Director of SUCASA, Ending Domestic Violence. And welcome, Vicki. How are you doing? Thanks, Julianne. I'm doing great. Thanks. Wonderful. I know you've been really busy lately. You just had a fundraiser on Sunday. Can you tell us a little bit about that event? Sure. Sure. Actually, it was our organization, SUCASA 35th. It's our first anniversary. We've been around for 35 years. And so we had a large bash. We had a gala. And there were just about 200 people there. Wow. And we had a chance to honor some of the people that have been part of our history for a great many years and some of the cities that have supported us. And it was just a great, it was a great time. Excellent. I'm glad to hear that. And congratulations for 35 years of serving the community. Thank you. So. I, this month has been Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And can you talk a little bit about what you, the organization and you have been doing to get awareness happening in the community about what people can do if they find themselves in domestic violence situations? Sure. Yeah, we are. There is a large network of domestic violence shelters throughout. And we have a number of them. And we have a number of them throughout L.A. County, throughout the state actually. And in L.A. County, we've been really busy this month. October of every year is a pretty crazy busy month for most of us. But it gives us an opportunity to plan some events and to get the community together. And I'll just kind of highlight two that we participated in. Well, three actually. One in particular was just last week. Last Wednesday. And that was a Clothesline Project and a Speak Out and a Walk on the campus of Cal State Long Beach. We collaborate with the Women's Resource Center to do that. And a number of other agencies, sexual assault agencies and domestic violence shelters. And really what that involves is it's a perfect opportunity to get students aware and more involved in the problem of sexual assault, especially obviously on campus, and domestic violence. And so we have displays. We set up tables with information. Again, just to kind of get the word out that there is a large network of help out there should any of the students have, you know, a need for that type of intervention at any point. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. And so we got them. We had a lot of dignitaries there. So it's really kind of an opportunity, like I say, to pull the community together and to acknowledge what people are already doing. And in this instance, we honor those individuals, adults and children, women and men, who have died at the hands of an intimate partner. And so it's kind of a somber event but really meaningful. It is. There was also one in downtown L.A. at the Grand Park. And that was, again, just to kind of bring awareness to the fact that there are about 26 domestic violence shelters and other agencies in L.A. County that have a similar mission of being a refuge and a resource for anyone who finds themselves in a domestic violence situation. So those are just kind of three or four of the things that we've been up to this last month. Very busy. Yeah, it has been. Yeah, and I was at last year's Candlelight Visual, the walk in downtown Long Beach, and that is very powerful and it is somber. And I thought it was very interesting to not only the participants but the reactions of the people that were around us. And some people asked what was going on. Some people knew. And I could tell the people who have been affected by domestic violence situations because there are so many. If they haven't been directly impacted by DV, they know of somebody who has been. That's right. I think it's a rare person who doesn't have some connection, like you say, either personally or someone in their family. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. It's really that pervasive. Yeah, it is. And do you see that the numbers are growing in the shelter now? Now that it's a little more publicly known that people can get help in these situations? You know, yeah. We have actually, Judy. And we've seen. We. Our shelters. And we have two of them. We have a 30-day emergency shelter. We have a. A. A. A. A. A. shelter as well. We also do counseling in the community for those who are not really in need of shelter at this time, but have in some way been struggling with the issues and the problems of violence in the home. So we are seeing that, yeah, our shelters are full almost all the time. The hotlines ring. I would say, if not an increase in the number of calls, we're certainly seeing an increase in the number of families that we're bringing into shelter, partly because what we need to do to keep up with the demand is to the best of our ability and where it is feasible to shorten the length of stay and make sure that we are able to stabilize the situation and the woman or the man and the children, but then to try to move them into whether housing or another situation more quickly. We're definitely seeing in the community a need for shelter. We're seeing a need for shelter. We're seeing a need for shelter. We're seeing a need for counseling, a need for support groups for, like I say, the non-shelter based services. We've got a very long waiting list. And so we just try to accommodate people as best we can, but it really is, I think, becoming more and more problematic to try to serve everyone. I would imagine. And it does seem like in the news every week you hear about domestic violence in surgeries. And so we got some very different opinions. And so we got some very different opinions. And so we got some very different opinions. And so we got some very different opinions. And so we got some very different opinions. some incident that has something to do or that it were domestic violence is the core issue and the problem, the main cause. So it is, I don't know whether the media is just covering it more frequently, but I don't think so. I think it's really now, you know, really out there in the public eye a lot more than before. And do you have any insight as to why that is? You know, I don't really. It used to be that, and I suppose it's still true, but there is such a strong correlation between poverty and the incidence of intimate partner violence. I think that's still the case. I think that we're really not seeing the economy change or improve all that much. It depends on what reports you read. But I think the gap between, you know, people that are wealthy and people that are really on the other side of the spectrum, I think that gap is widening. And as a result, there's more and more pressure on families to, which often results in violence. And I just want to add at this point to Julianne, that domestic violence isn't just physical. That in fact, there's all kinds of other examples and expressions, if you will, of this kind of violence. And it can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be psychological, certainly sexual. But financial abuse, we're hearing more about that these days. And I've just, I've been reading some articles recently about that. And as far as a central aspect or a central core of domestic violence, financial ties in there very directly, simply because that is the primary reason that women will stay in the domestic violence industry. And I think that's a very important aspect. And I think that's a very important aspect. And I think that's a very important aspect. And I think that's a very important aspect. And so for women who stay in an abusive relationship is if they don't have the means, if they don't have a job, if they don't have the money or another place to go, they're stuck. And so financial abuse is a big part of this whole cycle. And it's also immigration status too. That can be a major issue and a real reason why yeah, the threat of turning someone into immigration again is another reason why there's more and more abuse. And so there's more and that we hear that women stay. Yeah, lots of legal issues, things of that sort as well. Right. And I do agree with you, Vicki, that the economy is not yet stabilized. It is slow moving. And just the frustration of trying to survive on very little money just puts people over the edge. That is so true. Yeah. And also from a gender basis and not saying that it's always the men who are the abusers, because as we know, women can also abuse. But just the male gender roles nowadays because of losing jobs, that whole huge turnover in 2008 where even middle management men were losing their jobs because they were making changes. Yeah. And they were making too much money. Companies had to cut out the salaries and a lot of those men lost their positions. And therefore, a lot of the context of their masculinity. That's right. And that just started changing the scenario so much. And then we're not talking about men who are in that position. They're not the head of the household. Like they were brought up. To be. And they're lost. That's right. Yeah, I think that's exactly right. I think, you know, that unemployment, particularly for males, can be very emasculating. And I think it can really contribute to a low self-esteem, which in turn can, you know, create a host of psychological consequences that can often put pressure on the relationship, which can. result in violence. And you're right, Julianne, too, that it isn't only males who are perpetrators, and I just want to make sure that the audience is aware of that, and I know most people are, but that in fact it is true, that oftentimes it's a dynamic in the relationship, and it isn't always men who act out and who are physically or even, you know, emotionally abusive, that women also do that, sadly. And we are seeing, not just at Tsukasa, but we are seeing more male victims in the shelters. And it's sad, but it's also hopeful that men are feeling comfortable enough, are feeling safe enough to reveal that this is happening to them and to reach out and get help. So I think that is a hopeful sign. It's sad in the overall context that our society is unfortunately having to grapple with this. But the reality is there, and fortunately there is help out there. Yes, I agree. And it's also, too, with same-sex relationships, that they can, they have a component of abuse also. I mean, domestic violence cuts across every class that you can think of. It really does. Yes. Economic, sexual, gender-wise, it cuts across all of them. I mean, violence, it's just prevalent in our world, sadly enough. Sadly, it is true. And I think, you know, it's cultural, it's religious, it's social, all those things that you were saying. And I just came from a meeting where a number of agencies were represented and were collaborating on projects. And there was a group there that specifically works with Muslims in a shelter setting. And I think that that is an example of a culture where it takes an enormous amount of time to get people to understand that there is a lot of violence, and there is an enormous amount of courage to come forward, particularly as a woman in that culture, and to really be able to, you know, seek safety and to seek the comfort and to, if the woman is in a domestic violence relationship, that is a very tricky situation if it's cultural and religious. Yes. Because not only are you dealing with the household situation, you are dealing with the community. What do they feel about it? And I think that's a really important thing. And I think that's a really important thing. And I think that's a really important thing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. beliefs you have to stay because you you know that's part of of our society you you have to stay i know i've heard so many so many stories about in the muslim culture about how difficult it is to get outside help from for any kind of of domestic violence or any kind of relationship problem within the household because it's it's almost taboo that's right well it really is taboo and i think that's a a good word for it and we see that in other cultures and other religions as well which is why i from my perspective um i feel very hopeful because i'm seeing more and more um organizations reach out to the religious community reach out to the to different cultural affinity groups and provide training offer training um to religious leaders for an example about the realities of domestic violence about the fact that it does exist in your church in your synagogue in your mosque and there is a tremendous i think uh trend right now to to reach out and to make this education and make this awareness available across the board that's great because because they do need to be more open-minded because they need to be more open-minded because this domestic violence can mean and kill and that's the reality of it absolutely and it certainly and we certainly know that uh for those who witness uh the domestic abuse for example children they are the uh most helpless victims of this entire cycle and we do know that witnessing abuse can be uh very damaging for children there's study after study after study showing that there's uh very different uh different uh different uh different uh different uh different uh different uh different how children who witness abuse do very poor academically. They have behavior problems in school. They're way more likely to abuse in the future. And so that's what we call the cycle, the intergenerational cycle of abuse. And that's really where our work needs to be focused as well, to work with those children to help them to overcome some of those effects. Yes, and to help them heal and mend. That's right. They are so, they're so innocent in the cycle. I know when I was working over at the shelter, that was probably the most heart-wrenching work to do, was to work with some of the children. And some of them were just untold stories of what they had seen. It really, really pulls at one's heartstrings. And, you know, people need to have that understanding of this child is probably having behavioral issues because of what they're doing. Because of what is going on in the home. Not because they're a bad kid, but it's because of what they're witnessing between their parents. That's right. Well, just a little side note on that. One of the most effective tools that we use at Tsukasa, and I know most of the other shelters do as well, is art therapy. And there's an organization called A Window Between Worlds that is very well known now. And they train most of the domestic violence advocates that I know to work with the children in particular with this modality because children often have very few, they don't have the ability to articulate in words what's going on inside of them as a result of the domestic violence. But they can paint a picture. They can do an art craft project where they can get all of that stuff out. And just a little side note, a side note on that, Julianne. It was interesting because at our event on Sunday, one of the things we do is we have an art auction where we auction off some of the paintings that our children create through this project. And that is one of the high points of every event that Tsukasa has. The audience loves it. They bid on those. They want to know the story. They want to know everything. And it's just so heartwarming to me to see how people respond to that. That is beautiful. That is a true connection. And art is incredible for healing for anybody. Anybody. Yes. Well, Vicki, we're going to take a quick commercial break. When we come back, I'd like to talk to you about what the process is if somebody is in a domestic violence situation or knows of someone in a DV situation and they need to get help. Absolutely. Absolutely. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology offers numerous psychology, behavioral and health-related science graduate degrees at three campuses. Los Angeles, California, including branches in Westwood and Irvine, Chicago, Illinois and Washington, DC and online. The Chicago school prepares students to meet the ever-changing mental health needs of society through classroom experience and real-world training. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . School Counseling Centers in Irvine and Westwood provide caring, confidential, and affordable psychological services to individuals and their families. For more information, visit thechicagoschool.edu. Thank you to the Chicago School of Professional Psychology for sponsoring Psych One-on-One. And this is Julianne Good, and I am back with Vicki Doolittle, the Executive Director of SUCASA Ending Domestic Violence. Vicki, what is the process for somebody to get into emergency shelter? Well, the primary means for that is to call the hotline. Every domestic violence shelter has a hotline, which is the only public number that we have, and it is the number that we have. And it is the number that we have. And it is the number that we have. The first gate, the primary gate for getting into shelter. Now, what we ask is that the victim himself or herself be the one to call the hotline. Sometimes there's a temptation to have, you know, like a family member or a good friend do that, and that's fine. However, when it comes to really, for us to ask questions and to really determine the immediacy of the situation and to figure out if this is an individual. So, if it is an individual who is indeed a good candidate for our particular shelter in our program, the person needs to call themselves. So, the first thing I would say, though, however, is that if someone is in immediate danger, immediate, immediate danger, and they need to call 911. So, before even calling a shelter, if there's obviously an incident that just happened, then they would need to call 911. But the hotline is the first. Is the first thing to do to call to get into our shelter. Okay. And that phone number is? That is 562-402-4888. And then it's area code 562-402-4888. And then if you're in the state of California and you need to find a shelter, is that number still 211? There is. Yes. That is the general information, kind of the helpline, if you will. It's 211. And they, in turn, can refer the caller or connect the caller to the shelter that would be the nearest and most convenient for that person. Okay. And one thing I'd like to add, too, Vicki, is that when a caller contacts the shelter, to have them call on a safe... A secure line that the abuser does not have access to, correct? That is for sure. Yeah. Because actually one of the first, probably the first question that our hotline workers will ask is, are you in a safe place and can you talk? Just like you're saying, Julianne, can you talk? Where are you? Are you away from the abuser and are you in a safe location? Because if they're not, then we'll say, okay, hang up the phone immediately and call us back. When you're in a safe place and when you are able to talk. Mm-hmm. That's very important. Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, the tracer situation is... People don't realize that on cell phones, you know, that is traceable. And that's one of the things that people do have to do when they're coming into shelter is, if they've got a cell phone on them, they need to take the batteries out so that the abuser cannot trace them to the shelter. That's right. And that's pretty much standard protocol, I think, that I know we implement. I'm sure that others do as well. The other thing is, though we don't often, we can't... It is possible for someone coming into shelter to bring a car. But pretty much we would have to make sure, like you're saying, that there is no GPS attached to it, that it is registered in the victim, the person who's coming into shelter, that it's registered in their name. Because like you're saying, there's so many ways that people can be traced and tracked down. And all of our shelters are in confidential locations, cannot be located. And so we have to maintain that confidentiality, especially now with all the technology. Right. And safety is of the utmost importance for everybody at the shelter. Yes. Yeah. For staff. For the clients. The families that we serve. We have to... We do have to maintain it for everyone who is in that environment, you bet. So what would be the next step then after a person has been accepted to shelter? Well, the next step would be for us to determine a safe drop-off point. And what that means is that we would instruct the caller to go to a particular sheriff's station. Usually it's a sheriff's station. And we would send someone from our staff or we would send a taxi that's already been screened by our organization to pick them up at the safe location at the sheriff's station and then bring them to the shelter. We don't want anybody driving directly. We never give out directions to the place. So they would be instructed to go to a drop-off point and then we bring them in. Over the phone... Over the phone before they actually come into shelter, though, we'll tell them what to gather, the information, the clothing and whatnot. If there's time, if they're able to do that, to put together a bag of different things for themselves or children. So we go through a list. If there is not time and it's a real urgent situation, they can just come on in because everything that they need will be provided to them. Yeah. All the toiletries and food. Food and shelter and... Everything. Yeah. Right. It's wonderful. Yeah. They get a whole package when they come in. Yeah. If they have... As for the paperwork, if they only have a little bit of time, what would be essential things to bring in with them? Things like, of course, identification, driver's license, picture ID if they have, prescriptions. I think... I think those would be probably the most critical as well. If there are children in the picture, to try to gather identification for the kids. If they're receiving public assistance, verification of that. Probably those would be the most crucial to try to identify and put them aside initially. Mm-hmm. Okay. And any kind of court papers? If there's... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If there's any kind of court dispute going on, correct? Any kind of separation, divorce, child custody? Yeah. If there's a pending court case, then you're right. Any of the paperwork, anything related to that upcoming case, we need to know about that. If they're gonna... If they have to appear in court, yeah, any documentation of that effect would be also really helpful. Yeah. Okay. So once they get to the safe drop-off point, what happens after that? So then either our staff will go pick them up and bring them into shelter, or we have an arrangement with a taxi company and they've been cleared and they know kind of what to do. So then one of those other... One of those two means would bring them into shelter. And then there's a period of time. I believe it's... I believe it's... It's about 72 hours where we enforce sort of a policy where we don't want the person or the children to leave the shelter for a short time. Like I said, I believe that that's about 72 hours. The reason for that is that for the... The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is right after he or she leaves. That is the time that statistically... That is the most dangerous and where the perpetrator, the batter, whomever, is going to track the person down and be... It'll be a very volatile situation. So when they come into shelter, we have to make sure that they stay put for about two or three days for that very reason. And during that period of time, usually the emotions are really high. There's a lot of fear. There's a lot of chaos. And so it's kind of just a chilling out. It's a lot of anxiety. It's a lot of feeling. It's a lot of feeling. And so we have to kind of get the kids out, cooling off, relax. You're safe now. Have a meal. You know, get the kids calmed down. Basically kind of taking care of all those sorts of immediate things and just to get them to relax and settle in. Our staff are there. We do counseling. We do case management. We try to be not real heavy-handed at first, like I said, when they first get into shelter. But there is certain basic stuff that we're going to need to know. So there would be a kind of an intake process. A little bit of counseling just to make sure that, like I said, they begin to stabilize and begin to calm down a little bit. Right. Because it can be a pretty frightening situation to come in. You don't know where you're going. You're with strangers in a different household. If you have children, then you have to take care of them. You know, you have to try to take care of yourself. But it's really disorienting. And just, you know, it's the fear of the unknown that I've seen. It was so many families coming in at first. But the staff is really caring. And they, you know, try to help the person just get grounded for a little while. And, you know, try to help have the other residents. who may have been there for a while and, you know, kind of know the ropes at that point and know the process because they had just gone through the similar situation. And I've seen so many wonderful bondings happening between new residents coming in, residents that have been there for a while, and they're helping each other out. The staff is helping out. So it's just some beautiful collaboration going on amongst some real heavy emotional baggage coming in with the victims and the children. Right. Well, and I know that you've seen this firsthand yourself as well. So you're right. I think that can be a very crucial time. And the thing about a shelter environment is that it's ongoing. You know, you'll have one group, you know, of families and victims, one, you know, like on Monday and on Wednesday, you could have a completely different group. And so you're right, Julianne. I think it takes a very unique person to be able to work in an environment like that, particularly to calm people down and to help facilitate that bonding and those connections early on to be so, you know, caring and compassionate and you know, keep peace in the house. And it does take a certain special person. You're right. It is incredible work. And I think it's just fabulous that you have been doing this for how many years now? Well, I've been directing for about six. Before that, I was doing administration. I was writing grants, trying to bring money in. That's important. Yes. Yes. We have some of our counselor advocates, though, have been working at SUCASA for, you know, 10, 12 years. And it's, it's, those are the ones that I think really deserve the credit for being just so patient and compassionate and willing to, you know, put their own, like you say, their own baggage up on the shelf and be there for these families in their moment of need. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen some incredible, work with my coworkers, my former coworkers. So yes, I, hats off to them. And just, it is incredibly hard work, but it's so necessary. And it's, it does have its built in rewards too. So most definitely. So we're going to take another short break here for commercial and a little music break. And let's talk about some, some words of hope. And so we got some folks. And so we got some folks. And so we got some folks. And so we got some within what may look as a dire situation, but can change with time and effort and going and getting counseling and going and getting support where you can. Okay? Sure. Okay. All right. Thanks. Are you searching for answers and insight to life issues? Is the behavior of family or friends questionable or concerning? Find tips and possible solutions from the convenience of your own PC, cell phone, or tablet at therapycable.com. Therapy Cable has the most comprehensive library of contemporary therapy videos online. Help may be as easy as a few clicks away. Therapy Cable offers comprehensive therapy videos ranging from addiction to self-care and contact information for qualified providers. Find the answers to your life challenges at therapycable.com. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Vicki, of all your experience that you've had working with the DV population, what would you recommend to keep hope and get out of DV situations? Yes. I was thinking about that during the break. Well, Let's see, one way to approach that question would be some of the goals, I guess you could say, are some of the areas that we try to focus on when we have a limited amount of time to spend with the people in our shelters. And what we hope for for them and what we make available to them are the tools to help them gain insight into their own relationship patterns, if you will, their own reasons for perhaps why they found themselves vulnerable to sort of abuse, I guess. We try to provide that. We try to provide that awareness or at least provide the opportunity for them to gain that awareness into their own lives. And I have heard more than one person kind of give me the feedback that that was sort of that awareness and the aha moments that come along with that as a result of participating in support groups or individual counseling right there at the shelter. Those moments helped them kind of turn the corner, if you will. And say, oh, now I understand why I allowed myself to be treated that way. And I don't need to do that anymore. So the insight and the awareness coupled with the support and empowerment is what we have seen really kind of really results in people feeling hopeful. And that's adults and children, I might add, because we try to do this. For everyone. Right. I think another thing that often results in a feeling of hopefulness and that there is life after this experience or these experiences is we try to instill healthy habits. We bring in people, for example, to provide wellness experiences like yoga, like exercise classes, good nutrition, nutrition. We bring in these opportunities to the people living in our shelter during the short time they're with us. And they can feel, they can experience it for themselves and say, oh, it does feel good to, you know, to do some mindfulness, to do some meditation. I feel better when I do this. I sleep better at night. My kids feel better. So I think those are a couple examples. Julianne, of what we try to incorporate into our programs in the shelters. And we try to pass along to the women and men and children who are with us, like I said, for a short period of time. And those are the kind of things they can take with them when they leave. Planting the seeds. Yes. Giving them some really healthy, I think, and hopeful alternatives to see that there is, like I said, sort of life after. After this really bad experience. But many times, as a result of the awareness they gain, they see the reason for it. And see, oh, it has actually resulted in me becoming a stronger woman. Or my children become, you know, better students or what have you. Yeah. They finally get that break and can take a breather and feel safe and nurtured. Yeah. And start. Start building the self-esteem. Because I know a lot of the women that I had worked with had very little self-esteem coming into the shelter. And they had questioned their sanity. They had questioned why they were staying with their abusive partner. And there's so many questions when they come in. So much confusion and shame and guilt and just heavy emotions. And you start working with them. And you start working with them. And seeing some of that dissipate. And seeing light in their eyes again. Because, I mean, they come in and they're tearful. And they've got blank stares. But you start working with them. And, you know, they start putting on makeup and doing their hair and bonding with the other residents. And you see that hopefulness start going. You see them gaining, like you said, Vicki, insight into their lives. Why were they in this situation? You know? And sometimes it's a very complex situation that takes a long time to have to sift through and make changes about. But just learning to love themselves is empowering. Absolutely. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And, you know, it's interesting what you're saying because I'm reminded of a study that I heard about recently that has to do with how victims of domestic violence, what they consider success. And how do they know, you know, what is their definition of a successful experience or a successful stay in a shelter? Right. And one of the things they said, you know, the majority of the people that were interviewed for this said the main thing is connections to others. That they consider their stay successful or that they have successfully completed a program or whatever you would say. If they have made some meaningful connections to others. And I think that's what happens in an environment that's a healing and trauma-informed. Right. And I think that's what happens in an environment that is a healing and trauma-informed environment. That is what happens is a connection to oneself, to others in similar situation, the connection to the counselors and the staff and the advocates around them, working with them. And then ultimately connections to the broader community. That was success. Yes. Yes. They don't feel isolated and alone and feeling like no one else is going through what I'm going through. And nobody understands and nobody supports me. That's what the energy they can bring in with them because that's what they're experiencing in their households and their communities and just trying to get out, which makes that first baby step so hard but so necessary. You're right. You're absolutely right. Because I think that's the one, the main characteristic of domestic violence is the isolation, is feeling like you're the only one. And the shame that goes along with that. Yes. And that keeps us from talking about it. Yes. Especially if the victim is in an intergenerational DV situation where they grew up watching that and thinking that is normal and that they were going to go on and get into a similar relationship. That's right. And just to break that cycle for themselves and then their children and then the generations to go on. And I think that's the one thing that's so important to me. And I think that's the one thing that's so important to me. It's just incredible. And the courage that it takes to do that. I am just in awe of the courage that just about everyone in our shelters has demonstrated. It is so inspiring. It is. There are some intense stories that come in with the people that you just, you know, it's almost jaw-dropping that somebody can actually survive. What they survived through. Have the resiliency. And like you said, Vicki, the strength and the courage to come in and say, no more. I am not going to take this anymore. And I'm not going to expose my children to this anymore. I've had enough. I'm leaving. Right. Right. Yep. That's the first step. The most difficult one. But you're right. Nothing is the same after that. No. It isn't. But it starts getting better when they leave. Mm-hmm. And say, that's enough. Mm-hmm. I have got to live. I'm worth this for myself and my children and everyone else around me, too. Absolutely right. Yes. So what would you recommend to somebody that is listening? And this may be triggering some really deep emotions. Mm-hmm. And they... They may feel stuck. What do you recommend that they do next after they get done listening to this podcast? Well, I would say to really... To take some time and just really check in with yourself. And because, you know, one thing we know for sure, and that is that you've got... The person who is in a situation like this, it's got to be your time. You've got to decide when it's time to make the move. And no one can do that. And no one can do that for you. And I think to know whether it's time, whether you're ready, you really do need to check in with yourself. So I would recommend some quiet time, just some internal, some introspection, and just kind of think about all that we've been sharing with you and possibly read a little more about it. And if you ultimately do determine you're in a situation and you feel like you've, like Julianne said, had enough and it's time to make that first big... Make that first big... Difficult step, then I would recommend checking into the resources in your area and to see, you know, to call a hotline if there's an immediate need. Even if there isn't an immediate need, the hotline for a domestic violence shelter in your area is also an information and referral source. So if you're not even sure if you're a victim and you want to know, that's a good place to start. And call and see what the resources are and then take that first tentative but most important step just to find out and just begin the exploration. Yes, and also with the hotline, they are trained to listen. And sometimes maybe you just feel like you need to talk because maybe you're feeling a little out of sorts, feeling a little crazy. Crazy almost because DV can just, it can kind of mess with your head, honestly, to the point where you don't know which way to turn. So just calling up the hotline, calling up either 562-402-4888. You're in the Southern California area or 211 if you need to have other resources in the state of California. Otherwise, you can always go to the yellow pages. You can look on the computer. You can call up 411 information and ask them for resources. Call up, make that, just make that connection. Talk to a counselor on the phone. It's anonymous. You can get some information. You can get some support. And therefore, you feel a little more grounded making the next choice of what you need to do. To ensure your safety and your sanity. Because you're worth it. You are worth it. Everybody is worth it. Nobody deserves to go through domestic violence. That's right. So, Vicki, as we're wrapping up, is there any other information that you would like to tell our listening audience? Well, I think just that there really is hope. There is a way out of this. And like Julianne said, I know sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. And just believe yourself. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. And follow your heart. And I know it will get better. It does. It really does. And if they want to get information on SUCASA, what is that website? Oh, our website is www. www.sucasadv.org. And there's a lot of information on that website. There is. And there are links. And that's the good thing is that there's easy access to a ton of information. So all you have to do is just start Googling. And there's a lot out there. So don't hesitate to do that. Thank you very much, Vicki. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. And thank you again for listening. This has been Vicki Doolittle from the SUCASA Ending Domestic Violence. She is the executive director. And just so informative. I really thank her so much. She's just the dearest person. And the staff at SUCASA are incredible people. And just wonderful. If you are in the situation that you need shelter, please call those numbers. 562-402-4888. And that's for emergency sheltering and also for information on the hotline. And please, if you're in a violent situation, go get help for yourself, especially if you have children. Please shelter them from seeing any abuse because it does affect them. They have little brains that soak up all that. And information. And it carries on throughout their entire lifetime. So I urge you, get help if you need to get help, okay? Very important. So I would like to thank my board operator, Jenny Guzman. You rock, girl. Thank you so much. Jeremy Hansen, our executive producer. And my name is Julianne Good. This has been Psych One-on-One. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Bye now. .