Goth comedian, Tinder tips, and Halloween horror movie battle

Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another fun, exciting edition of Battle of the Sexes. As you can tell, I'm starting the show with just one guest like we have been lately. I'm your host, Dave Swan. Nikki will be here in a little bit. And our guest right now is extreme being, goth comedian, Mark White. Does that mean I've won the battle? Yeah, pretty much. Oh, okay, good. That's like, the secret challenge is usually like whoever shows up first. Right. Guys. Guys usually, yeah. Because we, it doesn't, well, me, it takes a little longer. But most guys, it takes nothing. To put on your Spider-Man shirt and your hat didn't take that long. It took about like five minutes to even shower. Like, that's pushing. That's pushing it. Right. But yeah, so you have another show on the network too. It's called Dark Mark Show, right? It's the Dark Mark Show. It's on every Thursday, 8 o'clock, 8 o'clock to 9 o'clock. It's the lighter side of the dark side. Oh. My co-host is Josie Cat, punk singer, fetish model. And we always have, last week we had the punk band Man Ray and Lacey Edwards, who is the set decorating, Emmy Award nominated set decorating buyer for Sons of Anarchy. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She brought cannolis right from the set of Sons of Anarchy. She left the gun though, right? No, no. There was no gun. Everything was fine. Yeah. So my co-host started licking and sucking the cannoli. Powdered sugar was going right in her cleavage. You got to hear it. You got to see it. Yeah. Don't get candy around Josie Cat. I was telling you about the 420 special. We had chocolate eggs and she was seductively licking and sucking the cream filling out of the chocolate eggs. Oh. Oh, yeah. Sounds a little... And you can find that on iTunes and also on skidrowstudios.com, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Atta boy. Well, it's funny because we were just... Ginger just left and she, without a doubt, has the most extreme show, not only at Skidrow Studios, but of all of internet and everywhere. But I remember... I've done it. You've done it. Nikki's done the show. It's... It's always something. I got a... Nina Hartley gave me a hand job and that was... That's a great streak breaker, by the way. Oh, yeah. If you're going to break a streak, have a... Having a legend like that touch your penis, that's a good one. That's pretty much every high schoolers and... Well, not necessarily high schoolers now. Yeah, not now. But when you're growing up, you're like... It goes, Jenna Jameson was my generation. Right. And I'm assuming you were right on that brink of when it started to switch a little bit. Yeah. Sort of. Sort of, yeah. I'm still... Actually, one of the few porn movies I have is Jenna Jameson. It's funny because I've had porn stars on my show. Sasha Gray was on my show, I guess, for this generation. That's a legend. Oh, okay. Yeah. I just know... I really don't know names. I don't know names anymore. Right. Jenna Jameson was the last one, and I know a couple others just because I have mutual friends now. Right. Because I don't masturbate to porn. I masturbate to Lifetime movies and... Right. Because you're just... Elvira, things like that. You know, vampires, that type of thing. I don't really get off on the actual action. I get off on the emotion now. Exactly. You're more of a story guy at this point. I'm a story... Well, I've always been kind of a story guy. I was always... It never took that much to really set me off. But I did have, actually, I had a porn star a few weeks ago, Scarlet Red, but she was blonde, which was very weird. Did the carpet match the drapes on that one? I don't know. It's just the hardwood floor. The carpet didn't... It wasn't ginger shows, and the carpet didn't come out. But she, apparently, when she comes, she gets... Or I don't know what I can say on this show, but when she has an orgasm, she turns bright beet red. And then we had a true redhead porno star a couple months ago, Rose Red. Oh, all right. Who did a porno movie, Yoga for Lovers. I'm listening. And she does yoga. She does... First, she does the... You know, if you want to do a yoga... If you want to do a yoga workout with a nude woman, you can do that. Or you can watch her having sex in yoga positions. Yeah, that sounds great. And I hadn't seen a porno movie in a long time. I still have, like... I've got two somewhere in the collection, which is a Jenna Jameson one that somebody gave me, and Bridget the Midget, which I bought with my ex-girlfriend. And that's... I've probably watched that, and, yeah, something about midgets is nice. Well, it was my high school scavenger hunt. Like, it was one of those things where all the seniors were just like, screw it. Right. It was one of the things. And the only thing that was on there was midget porn. Right. And we were just like... And the only thing anyone knew was Bridget the Midget. That's... She's the queen. Oh, yeah. I think the person who put the list together just went with all the stuff that he could find. Right. Like, sitting around his apartment. Like, one was a bra from one of the girl schools around us. Another one was, like, one of their skirts or something. And ironically, I ended up dating Bridget's best friend, who was the... Not a midget? No, Clown Lim Monroe, the Clown Marilyn Monroe. Oh! Who I met on this show. So, on this... Kid Rose Studios, she came to do the show. And we went out on Valentine's Day. It was a lot... We actually went to Jumbo's Clown Room. I love Jumbo's. Right. Well, you haven't enjoyed Jumbo's Clown Room unless you walk in there with a clown. Then, you rule the place. And the free drinks. The girls are all over you. Well, I'm pretty pleased you're coming in with a clown. I'm rethinking my Jumbo's experiences now. Right. We've had Tanya on before, too, from Jumbo's Clown Room. Well, here's the thing. You know, this is the first time I've ever been to Jumbo's Clown Room. I figured, you know, when in Rome, I'm with a clown. I might as well go. Go big or go home. I'm not a big strip club guy, either, you know? I used to not be, but it's like kind of lately, I'm just... Like, once in a while, my buddy's like, let's go. Jumbo's is what's got me into it, really. Really? Okay, because I heard all the stories. I heard, you know, girls with one leg, girls with penises, weird stuff. And I saw it's just the same, you know. Plus, every strip club, all the girls have, like, bad tattoos. Now, that used to be the thing. Jumbo's, they had the bad tattoos. Now, every club has the bad tattoos, the bad piercings. And, you know, there was a girl that was... That was actually slightly overweight, which was kind of novel. So, that was kind of cool. Yeah, the girls who worked there, though, were just, like, insane. Right. Like, one of the... Actually, the last time I went to a strip club was Deja Vu in Hollywood. Because my buddy's like, I'm paying for your entrance. We're going. Right. I'm hungover. It's not... I don't feel... He goes, I'm paying for you. I'm giving you 30 ones. I go, all right. Yeah. And we went in there, and I just... You know what? I kind of just don't like going because of the... He's like, do you want to dance? And then walk away. Okay. But, like, when I see one of the... When I see one of the girls, like, hustling, she, like, just is bullshitting and doesn't really give a shit. Right. That's when I'm like, oh, all right. You know what? I'll get a dance. And, like, this one girl tatted up, like, borderline suicide girl, and I just bullshit with her. And I go, all right. You know what? Neither me or my buddy have gotten a dance from you, but you keep coming back to us after we've been here for, like, an hour and a half, two hours. So, screw it. I'll just get a dance from you. And it was funny, because she just screwed around the whole time. Like, it was just goofing... You know what I mean? Not like... Yeah, so she didn't take it seriously. She... Yeah. It's all up... She led you up and then didn't finish the job. No, I appreciate that more. I was just laughing. I go, I'm like... I go, yeah, I see you hustling, like, all night. She goes, well, rent's due tomorrow. So, I'm like, all right, smart girl. Right. And this is a man's show now. We're talking about strip clubs. But I will tell you, I do like suicide girls. I like that. I've started to get into that look. Like, they kind of tatted up a little bit. Well, I'm not talking about the website. I like girls that are suicidal. That's... I do very well with them. But, no, I... You like... You hate yourself. You hate yourself. Don't worry. When I get down with you... Yeah, I hate myself, too. Yes. It's like a nice little mirror. You see me in you a little bit. Yeah. So, I like to masturbate alone. And, you know, because I'm usually crying at the time. Well, usually everyone likes to masturbate alone. Yeah. Well, you know, you'd be surprised. I was actually in Hollywood recently. And I was walking a girl home. And Andy Dick pulled out his... I've seen that. Right. Was it on, like, Vine or Quanger or something? Were you there? Because, yeah, he just... This is a couple years ago when I first moved out here. I saw, like... I guess it's a nightly thing for him when he's drinking. Because he just... And I met the guy. I did his show. I did a show with Flappers and another show at the comedy store with him. So, like, he comes up. He, like, he kind of rushes up to us. And I thought he, like, recognized me. Pulls out his penis. Starts whizzing on the sidewalk. Look at my cock! Look at my cock! I'm like, I'll pass. Thanks. And apparently it's not that impressive. So... I just remember I'm, like, driving. I'm dropping a buddy off at the, like, pay or pay. Or I'm going to Dillon's. Right. When, you know, it used to be Dillon's. I remember Dillon's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm driving. I'm, like, pulling... I see a guy walking towards the street with his, like, pulling his dick out to piss. I'm, like, I think that's... That's fucking Andy Dick. There you go. And I was telling my buddy, I was like, I don't know who the fuck Andy Dick is. I'm, like... Yeah, well, that's the reason. Because he does things like that. He used to... He had a career. And he's a very... Once he's sober, he's a very talented, very nice guy. When he's drunk, he's apparently the biggest asshole in the world. I don't know. I went to... One of my buddies had a Fourth of July party. You know... Do you know David Taylor? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know how he used to always have the parties, like, every holiday? Right, right, right, right, right, right. I left one of them. And I guess Andy Dick showed up later. And then I was at the comedy store that night. And Don Barris is there. And Andy Dick... He's going on about how Andy Dick took a shit on David Taylor's driveway. Wow. I was just... Right? In front of Don Barris, who will tell those tales. Yeah. He loves to tell those stories. Oh, yeah. And he'll probably be doing it on stage. He lives for those stories. But, yeah. No. The weirdest thing is when you tip a girl... One time I was in Vegas. And this is... I was maybe 20, 21. I was waiting tables. And I didn't have, like... I hadn't hit the ATM. And I had, like, this bucket full of chains that I was going to change and use to gamble. It was like... I saved my chain for, like, six months. It was like $200, right? So we're in a strip club. It's the Tender Trap in Las Vegas. So it's a classy place. I'm assuming... It's not, like, one of the ones... The last time I was there, I went to Sapphires. And I think before that, we went to this really god-awful... Right. Off the strip. Off... Off... That might have been it. But I don't think it's called Tender Trap anymore. But anyway... So... But we went there during the day. My friend's like, hey, you want to go to a strip club? And it's like, we're the only people in there besides the dancers. So we have personal attention. So this woman, she's sitting there. And then she slapped her ass just for fun. And I loved it. I was like, yeah, yeah, do it again. I started slapping my hand on the table, right? She slapped her ass so raw red. Unbelievable. And then at the end, she's like, all right, where's my tip? I'm like, well, I only have quarters. So I tipped her, like, I don't know, five, ten bucks in quarters. And then the next girl... Because we're the only ones there. Right. She's like, yeah, here, give me the quarters. It's hard to put in the G-string, but we figured it out. And then there's this other girl who... Well, they got a quarter slot there somewhere. Yeah, she figured out how to... She lit... She lit a cigarette with her boobs. She put a match on her nipple and lit... Yeah, it was interesting. It was interesting. No, I saw a video where one of my buddies was like, here, look at this. It was one... Scumbag buddy. Right. But it was one girl, one cigarette. And she was lighting the cigarette with her downstairs. Oh, I've seen that. Well, see, that's the thing about jumbos. And it sucked it right back in. And you're like, I don't need to see that again. Well, that's the thing about jumbos is because there's nothing that's going to shock me. Because the first strip clubs I ever went to... So I lived in San Diego. Oh. I used to go to Tijuana. Yeah, where pretty much... Smoking in your vagina is mandatory. I mean, it's just... Well, yeah. It's the stuff I've seen. You have no... Opening a beer bottle with your vagina. Have you ever seen that? No, I have not. In Tijuana, you will. When you can... I just got my passport card. And my buddy's like, all right, hold on to that. We're going to Tijuana the next month. I'm like, god damn it. When you can... I mean, you know, I've seen women solve Rubik's cubes with their asses. It's just crazy stuff. That is a smart ass. It's very smart ass. I did not mean to put it there. I've seen that one. Yeah. She didn't have to peel the stickers off or anything. She just... Yeah, it was a really... And yeah, just... There are so many more stories that I would tell, but I'm not going to tell. Why not? They're even too rough for the... I don't know. I don't want to turn off any females that... I don't think any females are listening right now. It's probably a good possibility they're not listening at the moment. They might listen later on the downloads. I went to a bachelor party. I apologize to every female and every decent... I'm a decent human being that's listening to this podcast right now. They're not listening at this point. Right, right. But if you enjoy this story, I encourage you to check out The Dark Mark Show. Thursdays at 8 p.m. Thursdays at 8 p.m. Because we set women on fire with electrocuted women. I'll tell you about it. So anyway, so I'm sitting there and I hate to do it, but I've always goaded into it sitting right by the stage. So the way the seating arrangements came, I'm sitting by the stage. My friend's getting married. We're chatting. And all of a sudden, I'm sitting by the stage. And all of a sudden, I'm sitting by the stage. And all of a sudden, I'm sitting by the stage. And all of a sudden, I'm sitting by the stage. And all of a sudden, I feel drips on my head. And I always... I'm looking around like, where is the plumbing? I look over. This woman is sticking her finger and flicking it at me. It's what I call the shower of death. It's really weird. And, you know, I was like, wait a second. Now, I'm not really sure what to tip for gonorrhea. I'm not really sure. You know, and does she think this is a turn on? Is this something that is... Like a sexy move into Ioana? I don't know. I apologize to our producer, too. This is the worst. I don't want to... Cheyenne's like... Is Cheyenne your normal producer? No, Cheyenne has sat on the show a couple times. She's seen a few things. I'm just using her as the gauge right now of what's like... Well, she's laughing. So, maybe I should keep telling these stories. You're putting me on the spot. So, I'm laughing out of nervousness right now. She was chuckling before. But, yeah. I'm trying to think of the last show she worked. But it was interesting. They had... For my show. This might be the last one. Right. It was the makeup artist. Oh, yeah. That was a great show. The person who's late is also a makeup artist. We had Sig Neutron who was on Sci-Fi Channel's Face Off. Oh, cool, cool, cool. And he has his girlfriend, Rani Rattle, who has a website as well. Bizarro Go-Go. And Amazon Eve from American Horror Story called in. It was an all-star cast. Oh, nice. It was a great show. And it was actually kind of touching. It was Amazon Eve actually admitted that she was born a man. Isn't that the one... One of her... I think I know who that is. Well, it's out now. Have you seen the new American Horror Story? No, I haven't. Okay. Then you wouldn't know who she is. But maybe you've run into her because she's done some comedy. She's 60. The world's tallest model. She's 6'10 and bare feet. Okay. I think I'll talk to you about it later. But I think I know something about... No, no. She was born a man. It's out now. It's out now. I didn't know. I knew that part. If it's who I think it is. But I saw her doing comedy at one time. I said, you have to be on my show. My show is perfect for you. But I remember when I first got... The lighter side of dark. Exactly. When I first got to Skid Row Studios, it was interesting because Nestor Rodriguez follows me, another great comic. And just to see him and his crew go into the booth every week and just look at me going, the fuck is he doing now? My third show, I had this guy, Doc Shock. And please, look this up in the archives. He goes to fetish clubs and uses an electric wand on women. And so he electrocuted everybody in the studio. We had quite an assortment of beautiful... Women. Including Ruru the Clown. You and these clowns. It's something. I know a bunch of hot clowns. What can I tell you? I might need to hang out with you more often. Right. Because I have this thing for just people who can beat me up are clowns. I don't know what it is at this moment. It's funny because we're talking about Halloween and a lot of people are scared of clowns. Yeah, that's one of the reasons you love this month. Yeah, I love it. You had the makeup already. Oh, yeah. No, this is nothing. What made you just do the one instead of like both of them? Well, you know, I was thinking of doing the crow thing. Right, right. And I've also done the crow thing. I've also done the striper along around the eyes. If you go on my website or go on YouTube, there's an old video of me a few years ago with the whole striper. I look like the Lone Ranger 8 Tom. That was really weird. Hey, it's my co-host Bane slash Nicky Bernal. Oh, hello, Bane. Attagirl. Do you feel in charge? That is my favorite line. I love that line of that movie. Do you feel in charge? Do you feel in charge? Oh, you do it a lot better now. Do you feel... Yeah. It's just how he... He literally puts the hand right there. You missed all the fun fetish stuff we've been talking about. Well, mom. Mom. Yes. What would happen if I pulled that mask off? It would be very painful. For you. Hi, Nicky. Nicky's the reason I'm at Skid Row Studios, oddly enough. Yes. I was here... I'm going to take this off. I can talk like that. No, the reason I'm wearing it... I got busted in the lip. Put the muzzle back on. I got busted in the lip at my bar this week. What? By accident. By accident. By accident. I was in a drunk brawl, but... Was this... Were you doing comedy or were you bartending or whatever? I was bartending. Okay. And you just unders... You over-served someone or they wanted to cut you off? No, no, no. It was at the end of the night. Some people were just trying to get out of the bar and were literally like fighting their way through and I got elbowed. So you're going to be wearing the Bane mask like every day. Forget Halloween. Yes. Yes. It's finally healing. It's just very convenient. It's just scarring. It's funny listening to myself on the mic. I'm sure. Like this. It's... Yeah. This is... Yeah. Because they had to re-dub his voice. They're like Christian Bale. Everyone got used to that in the first one. Cheyenne. Nobody got used to that. By the third one, you're like, enough with the growling. Come on. I bet Cheyenne is wanting to kill me right now. Oh, man. Oh, no. Cheyenne was ready to kill me. We were having some very male conversations before you came in here. These are the ones that would make you feel uncomfortable. Jumbo's Clown Room, strip clubs, things like that. I came in right at the right time. You did. Thank you for... Yeah. Now there's a little... There's a little estrogen in the room. This is why I have a female co-host because I like to balance it out. Where's Julia? She was also running late because of traffic. Oh, yeah. Traffic was really bad today. But it's funny. What Mark was trying to say is he came in to check out Skid Row Studios when his radio was doing their show. Right. And he really liked it with me and Mark and Rick. Or Rob and Rick. Rob. I wasn't on the show then. Yeah. But no. No. They were... I don't know if you... Dave, they had a thing when I was laughing my ass off. They were calling Craigslist ads. Yeah. Trying to hook Nikki up with a guy. I was Mark's favorite. And a guy called in, remember? I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Because I had answered to some massage ad. And Rob's like, who's this? And I was like, he's got a nosh. I had to put him through to a radio dispatch, you dummy. Right. Skid Row Studios. Hold on one moment. Hello. Yeah. And if you guys are listening and want to call in live, we're at 1-800-893-9562. Skid Row Studios. Mailer to bride service. Exactly. Exactly. She comes with a mask, too. I do come with a muzzle. Yeah. It's kind of hot, actually. I made it. In a weird way. Yeah. But then, yeah, there's no oral, though. That's the thing. Well, there is a little side hole. Oh, well. Because I actually got an Asian penis. I was going to say, mine... Well, I don't think mine would fit. We just learned a lot more about your guys' life. I know, right? Are you dating an Asian? Is that what's going on? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, okay. Rob DeRich is my boyfriend. Oh, okay. Oh, that's right. Okay. He's my co-host. Right, right, right. Yeah, he dressed up like that. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I remember you. Yeah. You were just starting... Because the other time we were on the radio together, there used to be a show here called... And actually, it was Ruru the Clown. Yes. Had a show, Vy's Vortex by Vy. Vortex by Vy. Because people come in here, and they're like... And you know, you guys are great hosts, but people come in here, and they're like, oh, it's so easy. I want to do it. No, no. And it's like, no, it's not easy. It's like comedy. It's like, oh, if you could do it, I could... Basically, they're saying, you're a fucking asshole. Oh, I could do that. And yeah, it's just talking, but it's not. Yeah. Well, I ended up on Vy's show by accident, because somebody had called me from the dispatch. Right. Because they had my number on file, and I answered the phone, and they're like, you called us. And I was like, no, my phone... Well, you stayed for the whole show. It was great. It was fun. It was a lot of fun, yeah. And you never... I don't think you and Vy ever got past again. No, I was supposed to be on her show again and yours, and we all get busy. She was talking about her goth past, by the way. Yes. I don't know if you know, Nikki Brunel has a goth past. I did have a goth past. With the dark hair? Yeah. New Mexico? Not much to do there, aside from hate you so much. New Mexico has a... Actually, Albuquerque, New Mexico has a really good goth scene. Oh, yeah. We have a very good pagan and goth scene. Right. Yep. Because I performed at a goth festival in Utah. That was interesting. Was that the... Because I was looking over your bio. The odd... It was like... Is the top one you had on there, it was like the oddball goth festival? No, no. The Convergence Festival is probably the one I had on top, which I did last year in Buffalo, which is the biggest... Goth festival. Goth festival. And what better place than Buffalo? The most impressive place in the world. My question is, where's the... Like, all right, I used to listen to a lot of ICP in high school. Right. I didn't get into the whole juggalo, like dressing up, but I liked the whole... Like, is there much of a convergence between... There is some. Actually, it's interesting you used to say that, because I've had a lot of people that have looked at my picture and say, oh, you kind of look like Violent J and that type of thing. I think, you know, ICP is sort of like... When ICP was big, Marilyn Manson was big. Yeah. So I think there was a lot of crossover there. Okay. Even though really neither one of them were truly goth. Marilyn Manson's more of a metal, although he had sort of a goth look in ICP. So both were kind of like, oh, we'll piss off the parents. Right. But the true goth are people, you know... They suck with it. They're sad. They're, you know, they're listening to The Cure. You're saying this with a giant smile on your face. That's the thing, yeah. And it's funny, if you go to a goth club, you'll see a lot of smiles. Oh, yeah. One of my... One of my... One of my buddies, actually, I found out he does go to get, like, one of the regulars at the bar I work at goes to a goth clubs a lot. Right, right. And I was like, oh, do you know the goth comedian? He's like, I don't... No, he does. I'm sure he's running into me. People, it's funny because people say, oh, I know you. I had a guy on here on my show, Basil Nestor, who actually... I love Basil. See, you know him. Yeah. Everybody knows him. He's a... Yeah, so he writes for Casino Player Magazine. He's a blackjack expert. And he just came out with a line of food. He's super smart. He's very smart. And he's got good game. Oh, Julia. Oh, Julia. Come on. So what would you think? So right now, the guys won. Okay. Because we were here on time. Thanks. I made it. She was only 28 minutes late. Have a seat. Yes, please. Oh, my God. So what would you consider Slipknot? Slipknot's metal. Metal. That's what it is. But... They're a copy of Mushroomhead, though. But, well, it's... It's my Halloween costume. I have to do a Halloween show after this, so I had to dress up. Oh, okay. Sorry. So didn't Slipknot come out before Mushroomhead? See, I thought Mushroomhead came out before. And then Mudvayne was in there, too. Yeah, I love Mudvayne. See, I like Mushroomhead. I'm from Cleveland. Right. That's the area that Mushroomhead's from. So that's why... Or Lamb of God. Like, one of my buddies is like, they just... Yeah, they didn't want to sign with him, so they just hired a bunch of people that did the same thing. That's really loud. How do I... Oh, you can turn the left and right down. Yeah. Left and right. Ow. We've been learning about goth culture, Tijuana. But emo's another thing, too, because emo's like... There we go. I kind of want to be different. Yeah. But I kind of want to... I kind of want to be goth, but I don't want to go all the way. Right. So I'll just comb my hair in front of my face and get all skinny. But I just don't want to wear makeup all day long. Right. I'll wear a little... Well, eyeliner. A little, but a little... Not like I have. A little bit. How did I end up wearing more makeup than you? I have no makeup on. This is like the weirdest battle of the sexes ever. That's pretty typical, though, because the friends that I have that are professional makeup artists, like, that's their job. They're not like... They're not like the matte counter girls that have to wear a thick, like, layer of makeup every day. They do it as a profession, as an art. Yeah. Not like, oh, look at me, look at me. Yeah. That's like very, very matte counter girl. But also, if you have a pretty face like that, you don't need it. Why would you cover it up? If you have a face like mine, there's a reason for covering it up. Like mine, especially, because Dave made me put the... Oh, stop. You're not making any... You're not wearing any makeup. You look wonderful. Dave made me put the mask back on. I took it off. Dave's just being dangerous. He's always trying to put a muzzle on. He's a woman. Yes, exactly. Do you blame me? No. Well, muzzle play can be fun, too. Oh. We've explored some of those things. Wait, muslin play? Muslin play. Muslin play. Muslin play. Muslin play. Sometimes, you know, a little water... You're still covering up the face, but just a lot more is covered up, too. Right. Okay. A little waterboarding than oral. That's kind of cool, too. Waterboarding than oral. Yeah. Wow. Always keep the mouth full. It's kind of one of those things. Sometimes that can work. Yeah. But muzzle play, yeah. Julia's like, what did I walk into? Oh, no. This is great. Trust me. It'll get worse with her. What does that mean? You know exactly what it means. So judgmental. Inside jokes. Inside jokes. Julia's one of the dirtiest people I know, like mental-wise. But she does it with a smile, and same with Mark. That's what I love. It's not scary. I'm pretty filthy. I top a lot of men in regards to dirtiness. In your comedy? Oh, please. It's true. In your comedy? Please indulge us. How filthy can you get? Like, what's your filthiest joke? I'm just going to walk out of the room during that. Oh, stop it. Because we're being filthy. We're talking about strip clubs and Tijuana and all sorts of stuff. What's your filthiest joke? My filthiest joke? My filthiest joke? I mean, I have filthy sex stories. Oh. You know, I haven't done stand-up in a long time. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, so. Well, let's hear a filthy sex story. I know. I saw Mark's eyes light up. It's a sparkle in his eye. Just a sex story. I don't even care if it's filthy. Just a sex story. Just a sex story. Mark, hands above the table. They're right here. Right here. Right here. I don't know, Swan. You know my sex stories. I tell him everything. I kind of zone out when she starts talking, to be honest. You zone out when she starts talking about sex? Yeah, well, I'm getting some big black dick lately. I'm happy about that. Yeah. I got a bun for that. I was honestly really scared because I just got the IUD. Thank you. Yeah, I just got the IUD, so I was nervous. Ouch. Yeah, that could be a little slinky problem. I would feel it. Or. It might. Yeah. Poke through my uterus, but it was fun. I didn't feel anything. It was fun. It wasn't hanging off the dick when he pulled out or anything? No. No. No. No. No. Let's go, kids. No. No. Wow, you're like Monk. It's a gift and a curse that women all tell you their dirty sex stories as a friend. People feel way too comfortable telling me things. Oh, are you the friend, Swan? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. He's the ultimate friend. No, but you've become so hot. When I met him, he wasn't hot. He's like, that was in your backstage. Is it the beard? Or the. I was his friend a long time ago. This is when he was a timber and had a lot of face on there. I helped make this, though. Spider-Man shirt? I did. I inspired you. You inspired me. To be the man you are today. To start juicing and getting. Juicing and knowing. I helped him learn how to get pussy. Is that true? She is helpful. Yes. It's confidence. What would a lesson be? Because I could probably use a little help there. Confidence was one of the big ones. Yeah. Yeah. No, I understand that. Well, now he's overflowing. I'm just sticking with that. Yeah. Thank God. It was bad before. He was like a little puppy. I know. Ouch. Oh, Jesus. So, I went to. No. I went to a bar opening. You're the asshole who took me to a gay bar one night. Oh, I did. I did. Yeah, but you're the asshole who let me take off your shirt. What? It happens. Did you take him to the Abbey and take off his shirt? No. Mickey's? Mickey's? Mickey's. See, these are the inexclusive gay bars that I have no idea about. Yeah. Yeah. I just know she's like, oh, we're going to go meet one of my friends. And I'm like, I ought to just assume it's a female friend of hers. Right, right. And then she picks me up. On Santa Monica Boulevard. Yeah. I go there. Well, there's clue number one. She goes, where are we going? I'm like, where are we going? She goes, oh, Santa Monica. After she already locked the doors to her car once I was in it. I'm like, wait, are we going to a gay club? She goes, mm-hmm. Yep. There was a guy with her fucking eye patch on. Well, that's the. I wouldn't want to know the story behind that anywhere else. That's so fun, though. The gay bars are the funnest bars to go to. The best music. Yeah. Best music. Best dancers. Nobody cares. They're just having a good time. Nobody's judging anybody. It's just. It's awesome. Julia was my bodyguard. And all the gay guys. They are your bodyguard. They are. But they're doing to us what other bars they do to you. But gay guys give girls the best compliments. Yes. They do. Oh, my God. And they're the best dancers. Yes. Because the grinding isn't freaky. Yeah. You know, it's not uncomfortable. And they like worship girls that they think are cool. They're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can I buy you a drink? They love my muse. Can I buy you a drink? My muse. Sorry, my muse. Your muse. Your muse. Sorry. I had a really long night. I did mushrooms for the first time last night. What? Did you have a bad trip? No. It was great. I've only done it once and I had the worst trip in the world. Oh, it was fantastic. Oh, my God. It was awesome. I did it for the first time. Oh, wow. Well, it was kind of funny because it was like in Palm Springs during like a Labor Day weekend. We had this big pool that had all these colorful lights. And at first it was like so fun. And I was having such a great time. And then all of a sudden. Like one of my exes grabs me by my foot and pulls me in the pool. And literally, I kid you not, I get out because I was wearing all my clothes. And I'm sitting on the edge of the pool looking at everybody. The water just turns red. Like it just stayed red. And I was mad the rest of the night after that. It was crazy. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's just. Yeah. I just hung out in a loft. Like I was just. Yeah. I feel like I spoke to dead people. Yeah. Had a couple of stems. Had a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These are all talking to me. They're all liars. No, I felt like I was talking to Frank Sinatra. Like there was a point where like the music was playing. See a cocktail on the side. Guy holding a jacket. The Good Life by Frank Sinatra. I had that on repeat. Oh, okay. It was like the best. That's awesome. We actually doing it? Cheyenne's like, that actually is a great time. I've done that several times. I'm like, the good life. Starts spreading the shroom. Yeah. And how long were you doing comedy? Or have you been doing comedy? been doing comedy? I stopped doing stand-up. Two years ago, right? Two, two and a half almost approaching three years ago. Right, but when did you start? When I was 24. Okay, which was six months ago? He's trying to do the math. No, I'm not trying to do the math. I'm just saying that you've... So I did it for six years. Okay, so you did it for six years and this is the first time you've done mushrooms? Yeah. Because they seem to be readily available in the comedy club. I was always scared of them. Weed, but not mushrooms. That's why I'm afraid of them. It was so random that I did it last night. It was very... I was hanging out with one of your black dicks? Yeah, was it the black guy? No, no, no, no, no, no. A manager of a local restaurant. Oh, cool. Yeah. That's probably why this service industry people are crazy. I don't know what you're talking about. They are. Every bar that I've ever worked at or restaurant or club that I've bartended at, all the managers are like the party people. They're like, hey, let's go. Well, I manage a restaurant. Oh. And also, it's great that you were saying, you know, managing people are the craziest people in the world. As I wear a mask and talk shit. I'm wearing a mask because... Actually, your gloves look like the mask when you do that. What restaurant do you manage at? L'Opera. It's an Italian joint in downtown Long Beach. Oh, okay. It's really good food. And we have a lot of listeners, so I don't know how many of your employees know you do shrooms now. I'm just kidding. Oh, it doesn't matter. No, they all party like crazy too. That's funny. They're like, we have more respect for our boss now. Yeah. I'm really glad I did it. I wouldn't do it again soon. Yeah, you never know what's going to be in that chicken marsala. A little trip. Yeah. Good for you. Uber it. Good for you. Discovering mushrooms, black dick. The world is your oyster. I think she discovered that a while ago. It is my oyster. Ooh, oysters sound good. I know. Oh, I love oysters. Oh, oysters. Oh, please. Aphrodisiac. Oh, big black dick. I love these mics. Oh, my God. I've seen bigger. Dave, have you gone interracial? No, I have not. Oh, you should. It's so boring. Oh, my God. Not by lack of trying. This is why I have the muzzle on. I'm the person. I'm the prude. You've never gone interracial? No. Really? I don't even know what race you are, but yeah, that's weird. I'm scared. What ethnicity are you? I'm Native American, Mexican, Spanish, and Irish. So you're pretty much just interracial on your own? Yes. I don't need any more races in me. Well. Okay. I love being interracial. Oh, so. Right after this, I am meeting up. I've also discovered Tinder, which I think is hilarious. Oh, yes. And I'm hanging out with a really hot Asian guy after this. So we'll see. I feel that's the other end of the spectrum for you. The IUD is probably safe than that one. Oh, my God. If we do the big black thing, we got to do the small Asian thing. Yes. Equal opportunity, by Jemma. Well, no. I have a bucket list. I still haven't found my right Indian guy yet. I haven't found a hot Indian guy. Indian Native American or Indian Gandhi? I was just saying, it's probably both. Dot or feather. How hot would it be if they were kind of combined? Ooh. Oh, I thought you were thinking more of like a little Twinkie accent. Magical powers. Right? Right. That could be really hot. I wonder if there is that out there. Yeah. Can you put a preference on Tinder? Float, smoke track. Yes. I'm sorry. I'm just looking for someone who's double Indian. Indian. Indian. Indian squared. I squared. I wanted I squared. I want to eat curry in a sweat lodge. Is there anybody that can help me out? If you like me, smoke signal me. Well, surprisingly enough. ITT tech for smoke signals is what it comes down to. Tinder's not working for me, surprisingly enough. I get drunk and download and then I delete it the next day when I sober up. But then you always reload it. Yeah. I get drunk and download it. Of course, everybody says I need to change the profile picture, which is me kissing a clown. Oh, no. Yeah, that's probably not. Is there any water? Yeah. I think there's some outside. I'll grab it. Okay. You guys keep talking. Actually, I think because I had to reload my phone. I don't think it's on there right now. I haven't been there in a while, but I'll show you the picture if you want to see it. Yeah. But it's, yeah. It's all about the profile because you know Nathan Hurst. She set up my profile. You know who Nathan Hurst is? Yes. Do you know who Nathan Hurst is? Yes. Yes. I need to have a woman set up my profile. He's a black albino. Yeah. And he wasn't getting any hits. I reset up his Tinder and he started getting hits from women. Okay. I made him sound like the biggest, most pretentious douchebag ever and actually, good luck. It works. When women started hitting him up. Hmm. Yeah. It says something here, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It's confidence. You sound like it's confidence. He sounded, I called his cock mystical. Wait. So on his profile he says I have a mystical cock? Because he's a black albino. Shake that ass. So on his profile it actually says he has a mystical cock? I said that he was a fetish. You want to disappoint your parents but still approve? If you want this fetish, swipe right. Well, but the thing about Tinder is that almost everyone on there is either tall or a mom. I don't know about that. Yeah. I haven't seen the... Well, mom, yes, but almost every woman on Tinder is she's looking for a long-term relationship for some reason now. Tinder's gone a little too mainstream now. They got a new one called Mixer but they don't have it for iPhone yet. They have Hinder too. Hinder? Hinder. Well, it started with Grindr and yeah. Right. I don't... You might have friends on Grindr. Oh, I do. I just remember one of the guys I worked with for a while was like, I'm on Grindr. Like, I'm just going to... I was actually thinking to put my profile on Grindr. I'll be back in 20 minutes. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Grindr just to see, to compare because gay guys love me so I just wanted to get the attention but it was a little... It was so much of a hassle to set up. I was like, forget it. Again. I don't need this for a joke. It's okay. It's all right. I'm going to do like a whole routine about how I can't get anything on Tinder but on Grindr I'm... Because I'm like... You're a bear. Grindr, you're a fetish. You're a hot commodity in the gay community. I am a hot bear, absolutely. If I go to gay bars, it's ridiculous. You laugh all you want. No, I'm just laughing because I was getting hit by a guy at the... I went to a bar that was by me. They're opening. It's like one of those game bars. Right. You know, just like bar games like foosball and darts and I was bullshitting with one of my buddies who worked there and this guy's just staring at us like waiting to get in the conversation. Yeah. Just waiting to get in the conversation and he's like... Just licking his lips and then he goes to the guy and I'm talking to him and he's like, where'd you get that shirt? And my buddy's like, I don't know, online. He's like, it looks like it's from HMM. And my buddy's like, dude, I gotta go. And then he starts talking to me and I'm like, oh, fuck. You're all right. I'm going to go to the bar upstairs. Oh, I'll follow you. And puts his hand on my back and starts rubbing it. I'm like, I need to... I'm going. And I just grabbed a drink at the bar from my buddy. Why didn't you tell him I'm not gay? I don't know because I just feel that I don't want to offend someone by doing that. He's offending you by assuming you're gay. Right. Well, I went up there. Right. Ashley. Right. Right. Why would it offend him that you are who you are? Well, I just zipped out as soon as he did that. It's like, excuse me, sir. I am not gay. He did that. No. And then I ended up getting a girl's number because... Yeah, but he never said he was gay. I don't know. I've had guys ask me if I'm gay. I say I'm not gay and that's the end of it. Yeah, but he never asked the question. So then if Dave goes, oh, I'm sorry, I'm not gay, then it's almost like you're making the assumption. No, he was rubbing his back, though. He went like this. Have you ever done that move? I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I've not done that move, though. You've never been a girl in a bar and started like... Maybe he just saw something on your back and wiped it. Yeah. The first time that ever happened to me was my cousin's teacher in high school. Like, we were at a bar... You were scarred. No, it was... No, we were at a bar when we were, like, out of college and we ran into his teacher. Right. And his teacher, like, he goes, he puts his hand on my back, like, you know, I'm just like, oh, it's a pat, all right? And then he goes like this and starts moving it down. And I looked at my cousin, like, we have to fucking leave now. He's like, okay. Okay, that crosses the line. That's an authority figure. I get that. I can see why you were uncomfortable there. Yeah. Well, it was also, I was still, like, living in Cleveland at the time, so I didn't have friends like Julia taking me to gay bars going like, all right, we're gonna meet new people. What's wrong with that? You ever do comedy in a gay bar? Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's great. No, no, I'm saying now, like... I would love to do... I would go back to comedy just to do stand-up at gay bars. No, it's just fun. I love gay men. I'm well aware you do. Oh, yeah. Here's the... Let me see the profile picture here. I've got Tinder on now. Pop that and show it on that guy. I'll pop it and show everybody. Hold on, I gotta... I just canceled her. I don't know who she is. Sorry. It's so weird for me. I can't... I have issues, like, meeting people online. This would be my profile picture. Let me think. But the reason I have this is I figure somebody... Yeah. No! That's a good picture of me. Oh, no. And I would say if somebody... No. I'm looking for somebody that's a bit unusual. No, you don't like that? No! This is the worst. This is the most disgusting profile. Wait, wait. I want to wait until Nikki gets in. That's the most disgusting profile. Yes, because you have... Like, if I was... I want to see. I think it's a good picture. I think it's funny. You look terrifying. It's Halloween. What do you want? They don't know that. They don't know that. That he's got. She's biting me. I'm not biting her. Look at it. That he's got. Look at that. Yes, I'm looking for a goth girl on Tinder. What's wrong with that? You can't have the picture somewhere. No! You can't have a picture... He's like Santa Claus. No. Exactly. It was on Christmas. No. I'd say you can't have a picture with another girl as your profile picture. And you're kissing another girl in your profile. Yes, I figured. Yes. That is the foul right there. To anyone who's swiping, that means you're trying to cheat on them. I'm kissing a clown. That's a little... Each picture, you're with another woman. Girls aren't that bright. I just threw a bunch of pictures at her. You look like you're obsessed with pale skin. Well, I am obsessed with pale skin. That's the whole thing. He's an extreme being. I am obsessed with pale skin. I absolutely am. I want to redo your Tinder. I want you to redo my Tinder. Here it is. Redo it. That is terrible. Well, that's the profile picture that came up was the clown picture. And I was like, that's kind of a cute picture. I'll change it. Yeah, but the thing is then they think you're with a woman and you're cheating. I'm with a clown? Maybe you're a goth person. Show the clown picture on date five. Okay, sure. Okay, so. So this is me with the ex-clown. After they're already sunk, after they're already like hooked. Well, here's the thing. A lot of my pictures on, a lot of my pictures that I have are pictures of me in makeup. So I'm trying to find a good picture of me without the makeup. Okay. First off. But I figured that's what came up. I was like, that's kind of a cute picture. I'll keep it. And then the next picture and the other one I just sort of like, I was looking for a picture with me without makeup. I thought that was kind of cute. Yeah, you don't want a picture. The kind of girl I'm looking for, that's a vampire, by the way. The kind of girl, I'm looking for somebody that, exactly, I'm looking for somebody that has a sense of humor. Who's into an open relationship. It has nothing to do with open relationship. I not necessarily want that. I would like a serious relationship, but I want a serious relationship with somebody who looks at a picture of me kissing a clown and getting bit by a vampire and saying, that's the kind of guy I'm looking for. I am a little terrified of clowns. Who's hitting you? Hitting you up on Tinder? Nobody. Very few. That's why she's going to redo it. That's why. I'm just like, if anyone wants their Tinder profile redone. There's got dating sites. No, but they need a got Tinder. Do they like J-Date? You don't like those got dating sites? You know, it's, they're not as good. They're not as convenient as an app. It's not as many people. Like, you'll find like three girls that are in your area and you've already met all three of them. So, it doesn't really work. Maybe you need to create the got Tinder app. Yes. Goth-er. Yes. Goth-er. There you go. Goth-er. Gender would get people confused if it was for redheads. Sadder. Sadder. Sadder. We're brainstorming. I'm going to copyright that when I get out of here. Sadder. Sadder. I like Goth-er too. I think you might have better pictures than that. Split up for yes, split down for no. Split up for yes, split down for no. They're not cutters. Eh, close enough. Yeah, no, we don't want cutter. That's the, that'd be a little bit. cutters, cutters are, are mentally damaged, not gothic. Well, they could be gothic too. They could be, but that doesn't tag them as a goth. Right. But then again, if you're on a date with them, you've got some conversation because they'll talk, they'll tell you about their scars. There's always a story. Best place to pick up makeup, that kind of thing. Because I like the picture that you use for the bots on Facebook, but it's, but it's got makeup. So that's probably trying to get something that's. That would be cool, actually. I like that. I'll send you the photo that I found it from. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. It's on my profile. It's one of my headshots. You should take a picture of him right now with the mic. This is a good, it makes you look professional. I've got a good mic picture. You want to see? I mean, he has a radio show. He's got tons of them. Yes. No, I have a couple good radio pictures. He has his own show here at Skid Row Studios. You want the misfits on there? It's the Dark Mark show. Yes, I do. Yes. The Dark Mark show. This week, we're going to have, it's a Halloween twist on this week. Zombie Lounge Singer, right? Zombie Lounge Singer, Monty Revolta is going to be on. Tomorrow night. Yes, we're going to have Flippity Jibbit on. What? Flippity Jibbit, who is the zombie, he's not, he's the demonically powered folk singer. That's cool. And Dahlia from Dahlia's Dark Side, which is on Sunday nights. So we're getting, look at this one. This is a good, so this should be my profile picture. There we go. Log in with Facebook. Oh, you're going to redo it? That's good. It's either that one and that's a nice one. But I think, yeah, or I could use. But was that picture taken with your phone? No, no, it was taken with somebody else's phone. It doesn't, it just doesn't look very clear. Okay, I've got a clearer picture. How about this? There you go. You can do, this is the one she put together. That's good. Okay, you guys like this one? Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good picture. It looks like you're a professional. You look sweet. You look like you enjoy what you do. That's good. This is my new ten year picture, everybody. Look at that. Yeah. And then you swipe and then you swipe left and then you swipe and then it's the clown. Well, it's the first one. Take the clown picture out. Okay, good. Oh, this is Swan? This is the one she put together. I want to see Swan's profile. Let me see this here. Aw. I made him look good, right? Are these all stand up pictures? Oh, yeah, they were mostly, I'm sorry. Oh, him with a baby. That's always good. You always got to have a picture with a baby. I got a good one of those. Watch this. I'm afraid of the ones you have with a baby. That is me doing karaoke with a baby. I'm a stand up comic writer, radio host, Yes, I am. This works to drink this way. Pinterest chef extraordinaire and all that is man. I wrote that for him. I wrote none of that. If laughter is the best medicine that I love to play, tell me that wasn't good. Tell me that's not, I came up with that. Tell me that's not, Tell me that's not good. Shut the fuck up. That's the woman in the mask right there. I think I should like coin that phrase. If laughter is the best medicine. you're getting, you're getting cute girls. They're swiping right on you. I just, I never have it on anymore unless I get really hammered. It's just because he wakes up and he's so hung over he can't respond. They're cute. So do girls message you? Half the time. Do you have a message to put back? I'm sorry, I'm sorry myself. Yeah, but a lot of times, I've never messaged a guy first. I won't. I usually message first just because like I said, I'm usually drunk when I'm like, oh, hey. Yeah. Have you met up with anybody? Two. And the one was fun, but she was on her phone the whole damn time. Really? And like she came back to my place after. Bitches don't get cuter than that. Come on. Oh, why is that one not on there? And you got to write, not my kid. Not my kid. Yeah, it's funny. It is not my kid, but look at that. That's adorable. That's, that should be on there. She's winking. She's winking. That is a Tinder picture. I'd have to clear it with the mother though. I'd have to. You don't have to let them know about it. Yeah, well, she, yeah, I don't think, well, it'd be kind of weird. If they're on Tinder, there's a whole different set of issues. Right, I'm sure. Whose kid is that? It's actually my niece's. It's my niece's wonderful, beautiful child, Amelia. Oh, cool. So it's, yeah. It should be fine. Okay. Yeah. Oh, good. That makes your approval. She's an aunt. She knows. I have pictures of kids on mine. So, so, so really? And, and guys are still texting? I'm not sending you messages? Yeah. Yeah. Well, black guys. I have a date today, tonight, and then I have another date. I'm going to go. Are these all Tinders? All Tinders. Wow. Are you just burning through Tinder? No, no, I haven't met anyone from Tinder yet. Wait, didn't, you met my ex. No. Oh, no, I've been, I've been fucking the black guy since I was 24. Is this the, I don't know. Shut, okay. What's the choking sign for? So, um, you know how you said you told me everything? My ex, we, we started hooking up when I was 24, but every time I get out of a relationship or whatever, because I have to have sex on a regular basis, I always, I always go back to him because I like to be safe. And he's, you know, for sure. He's your fail safe. Yeah. Well, I was super drunk one night when he comes over and he made a comment saying I never give him head. I'm like, ah, okay. Yeah. I'm like, I can't give you head a night. He's black. He doesn't give you head, right? Yeah, he does. Oh, okay. Oh no, he, he's a rare breed. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, but he loves me. It's not called giving head. But, um, anyway, so I'm like, I'm going to totally give you a head tonight. And then I just started going at it. Like I was like some fucking porn star. So when you get sexy, you turn into a valley girl. Um, I make, I'm totally making fun of myself from that night because it was bad. And then all of a sudden, I got a call the next day about all of this. Really? All of a sudden, I'm like, did you transcribe the call? I started going down and I threw up on his dick. No, you did not. But it wasn't a lot. I was hoping that like, maybe I could, the thought crossed my mind, maybe I could just go back down on it and like, put the rest of it in my mouth. No, you didn't. You won't notice. But then I'm like, that's disgusting. I just started laughing. And he was like, it's not the first time something's happened like that. There was actually a procedure for it at this point. Yeah. I'm like, oh my gosh. I woke up my room and I'm like, I puked on his dick. I puked on his dick. I couldn't believe I puked on his dick. Yeah, there's a piece of carrots all over my dick all the time. You asked for sex stories. Yeah, we did. Well, I can't see the person and not laugh when I see them now. Oh, I know. Oh man, if you're listening in right now, we're talking about throwing up on penises with Julia. that's very nice. I'm surrounded by kids in that photo. I would never, I would never. Well, you wouldn't be allowed around that picture. You would never what? I would never message you if I saw that picture. Oh really? If I see kids, I'm out. Oh yeah. But how do you delete these pictures? That's what I want to know or address them because I'm trying to edit my profile. What we do is we do have one challenge though to figure out who's the winner but Mark won the being early and on time challenge. Yes, I won the prompt challenge. Attaboy. We're just doing the one night. And then the challenge is if you guys at a horror movie, what's like the worst way to die in it? Like if you're going to describe the worst way to die in a horror movie. I'm just going to go like that. I'll think of a tiebreaker if I have to right there. What the hell? It's our music. Challenge music. The worst way to die. Okay, the worst way to die in a horror movie. All right, heads or tails? Julia's a lady, she's a pig. Tails. You want to go first or second? I'll go first. I'll go second. All right. Dark. Smart. I think the worst way to die in a horror movie, I always hate when like when you get like an arrow through your throat like in the Friday the 13th movie. An arrow through your throat? Oh, that's pretty bad. All right. Worst way to die in a movie. Oh, being eaten alive. Hate that. Hate that. Hate that. By people or animals? Like zombies. By zombies. Yeah, being eaten alive. Oh yeah, terrible. Which one do you think is the worst? Which one do you think is worse? I wouldn't want to be eaten alive. I think Julia wins that. Yeah. Like just the fact that you have to stand there and you're like, you're eating the wrong body part. Go lower, please. See, you could live through an arrow. Like you'd be spurting, but like it's like you. What if he was like eating your tits? You're like, don't take those. Because I don't know if you saw the premiere of Walking Dead. Oh my God. Some of those people. Oh, I heard about it. Oh my God. I was just like, ah, just like. And listening to that noise while you're dying, you're like, no, and they're just like. Can you eat while watching Walking Dead? Oh yeah. Okay. Well, so we need a tiebreaker real quick. So we're going to go rapid fire and naming Halloween movies. Oh, okay. Halloween are just scary films. Yeah, because we're going to go Halloween, Halloween 2, Halloween 3, Halloween 4. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, horror movies, horror movies. Okay. Horror movies. All right. Okay. Dark Mark go first since he lost the last one. The Exorcist. Basket Case. Frankenstein. What's so funny? Purge. This music's pretty scary. Billy Dilly thought that was an actual thing. Purge. Scream. Okay. Insidious. I actually know who's going to win this one to be honest. I've got all the classics and you've got all the newer, all the newer, all the newer movies. Friday the 13th. Oculus. Night of the Living Dead. Omen. Now I've got to think of a newer movie. No, just, you've got to name it. Ouija. Oh, that's a good one. Dracula. Maniac. American Werewolf in Paris. Ooh. American Werewolf in London. Ooh. American Werewolf in Tokyo. Wolf. Wolf. Nosferatu. Oh. Um. Uh. Uh. Um. Uh. Uh. That. Five. Horizon. Uh. Horizon. Um. Four. You bet Horizon. Oh, okay. That was a sci-fi movie, but. That was a horror movie. Alien. Alien 3. Aw. That was just a bad movie. That was not a horror movie, but. It was a horrible movie. Resurrection of Juliet when I've seen out of those. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. I see it. Battle. Battle. Right. No, no. We're still. Yeah. Keep going. We're still battling. Uh. The Witches of Eastwick. Uh. Dolls. Dolls. Not Valley of the Dolls? No. There's. There's a movie called Dolls. Right. Right. Uh. There's. There's a. A. Frank and Hooker. I spit on your. Oh. The hills have eyes. There you go. Um. The hills have eyes. Let me see. God damn it. God damn it. I'm drawing a blank right now. Five. Um. Four. Elvira. Was that a movie? There was a movie. There was a comedy movie. Go ahead. Time to change our mask here. There you go. Uh. That reminds me. Do. Do. Four. Do. Um. Three. Two. Two. One. One. Dark Mark. Gremlins. Gremlins. Nightmare on Elm Street. That's a Christmas movie. That's a Christmas movie. Dark Mark wins. Oh. Yay. Yay. Yay. I'm surprised none of these dirty birdies over here said teeth. Oh. That is a good one. I was waiting. I was like, which one's going to say teeth? Which one's going to say teeth? I'm still like, I did shrooms last night, man. Give me a break. Mine should be expanded then. Stop it after you win her. Dark Mark. Oh, thank you. The lighter side of the dark side. Teeth's the Halloween-y. All right. Julia. Mm-hmm. You're restaurant managing. Any makeup stuff coming up? Yeah. I just got back. I'm going to be doing a Tornadoes TV show. Ooh. All throughout the month of November and December. And I have a bunch of commercials lined up with Hawthorne Productions. So infomercials, that's me, people. Congratulations. Thank you. That's awesome. And Dark Mark, tomorrow night. Go to gothcomedian.com. I've got a show on Halloween, and I'm doing my Halloween Dark Mark show tomorrow night at 8 with zombie folk singers. That's so awesome. Yeah. All sorts of crazy stuff. You'll love it. Awesome. Thank you guys very much for coming in. And I'll be at Sardo's at my Halloween comedy show tonight. Get there. Get there. Swan, where will you be? Someplace in Eagle Rock next week. All right, guys. Thank you, Dark Mark. And thank you, Julia, for coming in. Happy early Halloween. Thank you. Happy early Halloween. It was a pleasure. Thanks for having us. Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.