Internet dating stories, oral sex tips, and porn title humor

I got the girls I got the girls it was a surprise titty grab there I I like the hardcore gangster 90s rap that was playing before she did I was like pow pow and then all of a sudden I wanna live a life of sin our title track in case you're wondering is by the bones they are a band out of Las Vegas who wrote that song for us oh yeah yeah yeah I thought you meant the bones were the ones that were playing the gangster I mean not gangster but it was like 90s rap it wasn't really like gangster not so much gangster no they're not gangster I was talking about you yesterday you were? speaking of gangster yes that's me I'm of the nerd gangsters let me see if it's on our topics today we're a dying breed the nerd gangsters oh I'm gonna save it I'm not gonna tell you why because it's in another segment that I've got for today oh okay okay okay I will include you when we get there got it good to know so oh hi oh hi you're ginger I'm ginger hello ginger hi and you are Rodel Grazi and you are Stimmy yay and this is Blame It On Ginger this is the crack in case you wonder in case you wonder the crack in case you wonder you're listening to the crack right now let us know what you think of the title as the crack we're looking at different show titles if you like the crack let us know give us a call at 1-800-893-9562 let us know what you think of the title the name the crack or between between the cheeks between the cheeks so what were you gonna ask me? I mean we can't get into it until we get into the second you're gonna have to wait you're gonna have to wait yeah no you know what we've had tequila we have had tequila we've been we've both had tequila I never had tequila I never I never drank tequila you had two drinks I did yes you did mas malo mas malo we've got your Halloween wig on oh Stevie look at how good you look today yeah we've got Halloween coming up I didn't know you came prepared I wasn't sure what we were doing so I thought well I better bring something to dress up shoot I didn't bring anything I would have brought my everyone's got big hair so I thought I brought my big hair too it is yeah got my hair down Ginger's got her 80s hair this is like this looks like how you would have been like your hair was big and you're about to do a hot sexy video and I look like I would be in Mork and Mindy or something no you look like you just got fucked do I really yeah you look you look freshly fucked it's a good look for you I'll tell ya yeah shout out to mas malo tequila I'm liking it I'm liking it it's this really great little place right around the corner from our studio and it's a tequila bar it's a restaurant they have fantastic food I had one of the best salads I've ever had there today delicious but they have probably 200 different bottles of tequila that you can choose from I never pick one I just let them do it for me yeah because I'm not a tequila I love it you know what I used to drink it a lot and then I had one of those experiences oh yeah and I was in it in Westwood okay I was at a restaurant and there was no place for me to sit so I'm a very social person so I walked up and asked this table if I could sit with them okay and they said yes and I said great I'll buy you a round of tequila so the next thing you know we're all taking turns buying rounds of tequila and at one point I took my shot I threw it back up into my glass it was pure tequila that came back up so I drank it again you're like a cat laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing my dog's clean up my this still looks like it's the food form I'm gonna eat it that's great that's great Ruby so and then my second tequila experience the bad one oh okay that okay that was a good one yeah that was a good one yeah same thing happened I was out with my boyfriend we went down to Gladstones for fish which is a restaurant here in Los Angeles it's on the beach and same thing we got there and it was packed so I did my little flirt can we sit with you kind of a thing and it was a table with like four or five girls and three or four guys and it was a big table and we sat and joined them and somehow during the course of the evening I decided that I wanted to have a baby oh right there I was ready to have a baby makes sense I mean to kill do that to you it makes you think I think I'm ready to have children yeah right now though right now like right here well what I did was I decided that yes I wanted to have a baby right here right now but I didn't want to actually go through the birth and the delivery and the whole thing so I and plus you're not at that trimester you know the third one where you have the baby right is that important but I figured out a way and who's calling you yeah here let me take that Christy Canyon's calling me hold on let's get her on the phone yeah get her on the phone hi Christy can we hear her I'm live on the air yes right now I got Christy Canyon on the phone hi Christy everybody says hi Christy Canyon for many years is on the phone with her taking a call hi everybody Christy says hello to everybody hi everybody so does Ro what's going on over there Ro how does does Ginger look are her eyes twinkling what's happening to Ginger as this call is going on she's actually pretty excited about it and I don't understand Christy was fun what does she look like she's getting wet can you look under the table and see if Ginger's getting wet from this phone call I feel like she's always getting wet is she well you know when you put the keel in her system it doesn't take much oh no and then also the cinnamon chip I will call you tonight I was trying to figure out because it was like a chili was I wrong a chili sticking out of your margarita yes that was that was Christy Canyon normally I don't pick up the phone for just anybody when I'm live on the air but it was Christy Canyon yes and she says hello to everybody and she Christy and I did a show together for years for years and years and years and we're still close friends and so how's Christy doing she's doing great but what was funny is in my head people could hear the conversation we couldn't hear it but you couldn't hear it so it was gonna be funny but it didn't work out that way you had to put it on speakerphone we were so close I should have but I didn't know what she was gonna say oh okay well it couldn't be that bad you never know though because she's sending me over some 8x10s to masturbate to has she well there you go has she been sticking anything has Ginger been sticking things inside of herself as a child what was it an old cold a bean in your nose oh god so back to the tequila story so what I do is I convince this girl to have sex with my boyfriend so that she will have my baby got it okay the last that's the last thing I remember I woke up in my spare bedroom with vomit everywhere oh it was not good all over all I know it was on my pink sweater I had been wearing this pink sweater and it was all over everything yeah and I go into my bedroom my king size bed I'm in the little guest room and there's the girl with my boyfriend in my bed they've been fucking all night while you were throwing up they were busy getting busy they just put me in the other room did she have the baby you know what I never saw her again so I it's not my responsibility I changed my mind I don't know I'm not the father it's a good thing you're in California and you changed your mind but if a girl asks another girl to sleep with her boyfriend I'm not responsible if she gets knocked up oh no no! no no no that's his penis that's all on you guys that's all on you guys I may have said I wanted a baby but if you went through with it it's not my fault if you weren't her guardian yeah you're fucked fuck I needed my own guardian are you kidding me were you upset with your boyfriend no yeah no I told him to yeah no I just wanted you were so easy going it was my idea yeah you know what we're I'm kind of like that it wasn't your boyfriend now was it oh god no no no my boyfriend now is awesome yeah I could imagine that he would be like oh sure he'd be like no there's no way you would do that you've had a lot of tequila he would take he would never do that and we don't want another baby no no my boyfriend now the man that I'm gonna grow old with Nick he uh he would never do something like that no he would just go Ginger needs to go night night we're gonna put her in the bed face down we're not gonna make a baby tonight sorry not making a baby sorry sorry Ginger we're gonna get the breakfast ready she's gonna need tomorrow for the hangover oh yeah it was a bad one so I'm not a big tequila drinker anymore after those two incidents but those are both but that didn't bother you today to drink the tequila right no it's been 20 years since I've 25 years since I've been sick of tequila because those drinks are good like those those were really good those were really good drinks yes they were they weren't like too sugary or too I mean they were really good like almost organic like fresh yeah I don't know I was designated driver so we walked I have no idea we walked I was designated a walker walker yeah had to herd you guys over yeah no no not into the street back over here back onto the road well I only had one drink and then she's like this was a mistake and I was like well sounds like this is gonna be the theme of the day a mistake I made that mistake on grad night like I had a bottle of tequila you had a whole bottle of tequila a whole well as much as I could drink I remember getting really drunk and I wanted to see what I looked like when I was drunk so I had the video camera so I could see what I looked like all I did was pass out so I had to fast forward through it and all I did was kind of roll over like two or three times that was me on tequila I was like well that wasn't too exciting I don't think I'll do that again no that's not fun at all that's not fun at all so I got a check today in the mail oh yippee yeah I and I actually have it in my purse it's for $23 and some odd cents and it made me start thinking it's a check from the film that I did called Whore okay now what's it about what it made me think of is it and this was a mainstream film it's one that I didn't put on my title Ken Russell directed it okay Teresa Russell's the main character in it okay Teresa Russell plays a whore okay I play a whore pretty much everybody in the film plays a whore and everybody who worked on the project was a whore it was just a whole whore kind of a thing but it got me to thinking about porn titles because I oh god yeah my porn titles you know I've got one crime and punishment or crime and passion is one crime and punishment wait a second what this is weird you know why why because you had this segment planned yes and we just looked up your IMDB and looked at the porn title and we didn't know we were going to do that we didn't even know we were going to do this no we didn't know I was going to do this because you had some funny ones I had some really funny ones what was one of them watching mommy go black now in my defense all of those with titles like that are compilations and they're and it was watching mommy go black two oh I'm just kidding I don't know oh my gosh um um um um um um um um um um um did you audition for that one or no i i got it you got it yeah that's my only principal role but i found a bunch of porn titles that i thought were quite funny yes let's hear i thought were quite funny oh that's great number one is tiger's wood tiger's wood oh long drive long drive i would watch that i would watch that although the guy that was on the front looked like tiger woods and in my just for me personally he's a little too girly looking for me yeah you know what is he yeah he's not he's he's not manly i gotta look at him again tiger woods he's not manly no he's not manly at all he's that attractive he didn't and the guy that that many chicks exactly they got a fat version of tiger wood to play the character oh god i don't think tiger was that attractive and no no he's never done anything for me balding i don't mind he's got a receding hairline yeah yeah it's just the whole the whole package yeah he doesn't do it for me no no no you know what we're gonna read these but um i don't see mrs ass fire on here that was mrs doubt there was mrs ass fire oh that was a real that was a tequila burp mrs ass fire what's funny is when i um um um! um this research and I looked up and I found the 20 top, the 20 funniest porn titles that were out there. There's only 20 and out of those 20, two of them I am in. Really? And this was on the internet. You're in two of these? I am in two out of the 20. Oh, I found one. Okay, wait, wait, let me think. Edward Penishands? No, I'm not in Edward Penishands. I found the other one. You did? Okay. Steve has found them both. Okay, okay, okay. Alright, Ro is going to guess. On Golden Blonde. Yes! Yes! Do you have a sound for that? Oh, yeah. Which is a take off parody of On Golden Pond. Okay, okay. Remember? Did you suck face in that movie? I did suck face in that movie. I sucked face, I sucked ass, I sucked dick, I sucked pussy. I sucked everything in On Golden Blonde. Let's see, because I'm going to go with the time, right, because you, this is when you were in your height of it. The height of my, this is when I was in front of the camera fucking on a regular basis. Okay, so then I'm going to go with oh god, this is a toss up. It's either going to be shaving Ryan's privates. Which I think is hysterical. Or the poonies? It's the poonies! Yay! Woo! Which, you're on the cover of the poonies. The gold coins pouring out, pouring down, falling. But the, um. On Golden Blonde, I'm not. On Golden Blonde, there's a harp player. And some blonde girl, I don't know who she is. It was funny, and she's not even in the movie. We, none of us know what happened. So, it's got this other girl sitting there playing, with the harp behind her, and it says starring Ginger Lynn, and it's not me. What the hell? Did you say, hey? Hey. No, you know what probably happened is when I filmed, I charge for the box cover. I charge for, you don't get to put me on a box cover unless you pay me. Are you serious, and they didn't want to pay you? They didn't want to pay me. You gotta be kidding. They paid me to be in the film, they paid to have my name say starring Ginger Lynn, but they wouldn't pay the thousand dollars to have me on the box cover. You gotta be kidding me. How fucking cheap. Yeah. So you got some broke ass. And girls used to wrestle each other for a box cover. They used to fight, yeah, people would fight for a box cover. Wanted to be on the box. Really? Oh, yeah. Wait, the box or the box cover? That's what you saw. So they got a broke ass Ginger Lynn? Yeah, basically. Like a broke ass Ginger Lynn. Like, oh, you look a little like Ginger. Oh, yes, I get it. A broke ass Ginger Lynn. Yeah, like a bunch of Ginger Lynn. They got a bunch of Ginger Lynn. Look, we'll give you a credit. I have to Photoshop. I have that slick. I have to Photoshop your head on it. Oh, that would be hysterical. I also like a lot of you Robin Hood. Robin Hood. That's a good one. I would watch that. That sounds like a gay title. Robin Hood is a gay title. Is it? It is a gay title. That's why I would watch it. This could be either or gay or straight Pocahontas. That was actually a straight film. I saw it. I saw the box covers for all of these. Okay. Yes. What about Aspintura Crack Detective? That one's funny. Aspintura Crack Detective. That was probably filmed in the city. Was it starring Jim Carrey? It's starring Jim Carrey. Yes, he was in all of the Aspintura films. I believe it. I think it was James Carrey. Do you guys, you were... Who was in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls? That's a gay film. Oh my gosh. I would watch that. You would? Yeah. Okay, so what, do you have a favorite? Oh, Bitanic. Bitanic. That was a bisexual film if you didn't pick up on that one. That would have been difficult. Goodwill Humping? No, I... I would, I would watch Goodwill Humping because I really liked Goodwill Hunting. Yes. That was Robin Williams in the Altuzu. Who was that? That was that guy. I forgot his name. The blonde guy. Is this a gay title? In Reardon's Day? In what? In Reardon's Day? Oh, in Reardon's Day. Instead of like Independence Day. In Reardon's Day. No, that is a, that's a straight film. Really? I would have thought that was a gay film. Nope. Nope. Do you guys, do you guys get to, to be sentimental and put on Asa Blanca? I cry every time. Every time. I still have to see the original. You've never seen the original? I've never seen the original. I was going to go to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to watch it. Oh. They play it on the side of the mausoleum or something. Right. And you bring your picnic blanket and you bring a bottle of wine and food. Whatever you want, you bring and you have a little picnic and watch a movie in the cemetery. And I was supposed to go. And everybody flaked and I should have just gone along. You should have gone. You should have gone. You should have gone. You should have gone. You should have gone alone. Have you ever seen this original one? I haven't. Jurassic Pork. That one scares me. That's got to be a gay film. You know, that was a straight movie, but it didn't do it. Were they dressed up as dinosaurs? I don't know. I just saw the box covers for all of these. Is it a BBW feature? Jurassic Pork? No, it's not. Oh, okay. No, that, that, I don't know. Porking is not my favorite term to use for fucking. Honey, pork me. Pork me. Pork me. Oh, I want to pork you so bad. Hey, I want to pork you. Porkies. Couldn't we just spoon? Pork you. I really like this one. Beverly Hills 9021. Ho! Ho! That's one of my favorites. Oh my gosh. That is hilarious. Oh wait, you had a Beverly Hills Cox. I was in Beverly Hills Cox. Oh, yes. I played Susie Cox. Private Dick. Oh, I'm sorry. What's really sad is I actually remember my characters. I remember a lot of their names. I remember the movies. When I went to, when we went to IMBD, wait, IMDB Pro. IMDB Pro today. I got to see a lot of my film titles and now I forgot everything. No, Tequila. I know. That's it, Tequila. I know. I went to DBDB, IMBDSM. What's it? I am something. I like that. I like that. I like. What was I gonna say? Which one? Shit. There's a movie called Shit. No. Oh. Probably is. But I was gonna say something about what were we just talking about? Movies. Movies. And titles. Funny titles. Damnedest Tequila. And pork. I had something in my brain. And now it's gone. It's okay. It's not a problem. I've got something different for your brain. No. There was something I wanted to tell you. It'll come to you. I have crayons here. They will make you feel better. Just color. I'm just going to draw angry pictures because I'm mad I forgot what I was going to say. We didn't mention, though, the other title was The Whores Have Eyes. The Whores Have Eyes. No, she'd hope so. Oh, that's what I was going to say. You said your character's name was Susie Cox. Susie Cox, yes. What I find so funny about that is that my mom's maiden name is Cox. So every year they have a family reunion and they call it the Cox Fest. The Cox Fest. And they get such a kick out of their t-shirts. They get such a kick out of the Cox Fest. The Cox Fest. How do they spell it? COX. COX. That's how I spelled mine when I was Susie. And then, you know, there's. So maybe I'm related to you. Maybe. If your mom's last name is Cox. Yeah. And I was in a movie and I played Susie Cox. You're probably my cousin. I'm probably. So that means we should have sex. No, it's New York cousins. We don't do that. If it was Arkansas. So I'd say yes. How about Georgia? Because my mom's from Georgia. So by proxy, I think we're allowed. I know what you're trying to do. Geographically make us have sex. I'm just saying. I'm just saying there's no harm in it. I know. But speaking of just having sex, I have a little present for you today. What? You're in trouble now. Oh, boy. Ginger's bending over. This is a book by one of my favorite authors, Dr. Laura Korn. Okay. The 101 Nights of Great Sex. Wow. I got to look this through. What I'd like you to do is pick one out of here. Okay. And we are going to. How come the pages are black? Because you have to open them up. They're a surprise. Oh. So what you do, it's a book that you have with your partner. So I'm going to. And Ro, I've never let anybody in the show pick out one for my book. So we're going to see what kind of sex we're going to have. Okay. Ready? Yep. Whatever one you want to pick. Wait. Do I pick a number? You can pick a number. Okay. Let's go with. 85. Number 85. This is much better than that porn that you gave me about the guy getting gang banged. What did you. Did you watch that? A severe society film? Oh, you rip them out? You rip them out. What? Oh, wow. That is crazy. Okay. Okay. So Regina's ripping 85. Number 85. Number 85. Out of her book. 101 Nights. 101 Nights of Great Sex. Sex. All right. So let's see what we're doing. And that's spelled S-E. What kind of sex we're going to have? Whoa. Oh, I get it. Yeah. It really is. It's hidden. Oh, wow. You pull it out of the book and then you have to pull another piece off and it opens. That is really cool. It's a really cool book. So it really is a secret. Okay. Now this one, they say there's different ones for men. This is for her eyes only. Or is that for his? Her. For her. I can't read. We got to get ginger glasses. I have glasses. They're over there. Somebody donate to our show. No, I'm just kidding. All right. Okay. So what this says. This is called Hot Lunch. This is called Hot Lunch. Which if you were going to ask me. Since I'm the normie, I would think, oh, a delicious lunch like we just had. Like a kale salad with pistachio dressing. Yeah. It's not hot, but the chips were pretty hot. They were good. They were really good. I pigged out. Why didn't anybody stop me? We were just enjoying. We were enjoying it. We were. Vicariously. I know. Living through your eating. Yeah. Living through Rose shoving her face with some chips. Hungry. I was really hungry. You ate both baskets. I did not eat all the baskets. I was hungry for a second. I had... You know what I hate too when I'm hungry and I'm like by the snack table at a party and I don't leave the snack table. I just sit there and I'm going to eat the snacks. You just stay there the whole time. And I'm like, is anybody judging me right now? Because I'm just... As we're talking, oh, I'm just going to keep shoveling and I'm going to get more snacks. I'm like, I don't care. I had that day... It was a day like that today for me. There's a jewelry store that I go to on the walk and they have the chocolate covered strawberries and they have the good goodies. Oh. And I go through and I look at the diamonds just so I can eat more. So I go through and I fill my plate up and I look at all the diamonds because I don't want to buy a diamond. Yeah. But you want to eat snacks. I kill time eating those when I get back to the snack table. See you later. I do about three or four laps. You should go back dressed as a woman too and then go, that girl's really hungry. She can chow down. I wonder if her boyfriend's ever going to propose. Yes, I am. Yeah. I ate a lot of chips. Okay. So... So what is a hot lunch? Yes. It says here breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but after this seduction, it's lunch that will be the most eagerly anticipated. It says send him off to work with a time delay tease, a small gift wrapped package that he is not to open until one hour before lunchtime and tell him to plan for some extended time away from work today if possible. You'll be taking him out to eat this afternoon. Inside the package is a pair of your prettiest panties and a new pair of shoes. I'm going to go get them. I'm going to eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually He's going to open up this little bag. He works at a bank. He's going to put it in the sink. He's going to tell them he has to take some time off in the afternoon. To get his asthma medication. Yes. All right. So if you can snatch a second of privacy anywhere in his place of business, do it. Oh, that's going to be really difficult. That's difficult. A quick flip of your skirt will settle any doubts about the kind of lunch you have in mind. Oh. Would you like to know what our specials are today, sir? Again, I'm waitressing. You're waitressing again. Fuck. Fuck. Now it's out to the car and off to the hotel where you've rented a room for the afternoon. If he's not hungry yet, he will certainly need some nourishment later. So pack a few sandwiches and drinks. But food comes later. Now hugs and kisses. He will be unable to resist sliding his hand under your dress. Men are universally fascinated by the idea of a woman's bare bum. Bare bum. Barely concealed. Okay. There you go. Let's hear what else. Let him touch you. Okay. Mm-hmm. With consent. Yes. Loving consent. That's number 92. Not consensual. Let him feel how wet you've become just thinking about his unique brand of room service. Oh. Mm-hmm. Pull his fingers to your lips and lick the sweet nectar away. And finally, when your temperature has risen several degrees, when the two of you are positively steaming. Then what? Turn away from him and bend over the bed. Oh, you're at the hotel already. You're already at the hotel. Yes. You've gone into work. You've flipped up your skirt a little bit. Okay. He's taking the afternoon off. He knows you're not wearing panties underneath. That says everyone else in the bank, including the security cameras. Got it. Of course. You just flipped it up. Go in the vault. Okay. Go in the vault. Now, you're going to go to the hotel and you're in the hotel room. So you're going to turn away from him and bend over the bed and get into the ultimate quickie position. Skirt up, backside unveiled, panties nowhere to be found. And remind him that he's on his lunch hour, so he better finish his dessert right away. Mm. Delicious and no calories at all. Okay. If he reminds you of the panties in his pocket, tell him to keep them as a souvenir. Oh, and since the room is already paid for, ask if he's interested in coming back after work. You'd like to have him for dinner. What's on the other side? Oh, ingredients. Hot and bothered? It says here, one of the best ways couples have found to inject a sexual thrill into long-term relationships is to treat the encounter as an affair. Here's my favorite success story. He had always dreamed of a nooner. For his 40th birthday, she asked, to clear his afternoon, and she picked him up at the office at 12. Then she drove him to a tacky motel where she unpacked a little horse kit, a bubble bath, a couple of joints, and various jellies, unjuance, and motorized devices. After an extended bubble bath ado, they leapt on the waterbed and prepared to indulge, at which point he turned to her with a leering look and murmured sweetly, okay, honey, let's put white caps on this sucker. White caps? I don't get it. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. White caps? What are white caps? On this sucker? Yeah. Are they talking about his penis? Are these like, what is this? I'm confused. I don't know what white caps on this sucker, I don't know what that means. I don't know, but this is a wonderful... We should read the ingredients. What's the ingredients? Oh, the ingredients are what you need to bring with. So you need one pair of panties, gift wrapped, one private room, one hour, and a taste for fast food. Okay. I'm gonna bring this home, but I gotta tell you a couple things about this. Okay. Tell me what's wrong with this. First off, this is a very expensive afternoon. Instead of cheap motel, like on Sepulveda. Let's see. Well, he's gonna take that for free. It's gotta be on Sepulveda. I don't have the cash for anything else. I mean, okay. Oh, it just says off to the hotel. Okay. Get a tent. It's LA. It's true. Now, I don't have a lot of underwear, which is an issue. I need more underwear. So if I give him a spare... I need a spare that I've gotta make sure... You don't have enough underwear to give him a spare? No, I should get some underwear. We can find you some underwear. I have like only like eight pairs. We're seeing our underwear. Really? Yeah. And I have a gift certificate. I should go buy some underwear. Some nice underwear? You should go buy some panties. I should. We're gonna see the underwear dealer today. Because then you don't wanna wear... We'll get you some underwear. You have like a work underwear that you don't wanna wear. But now it's all... Okay. So that's one thing. Okay. Two. He got a small gift wrap package. I get it. But I'm doing a lot in the morning. We were just discussing this. Now, I'm making this lunch. I don't get time to gift wrap. Wrap it in lettuce. You don't have to go out of your way. That's a good idea. Wrap the underwear in some lettuce and tie it with some raffia or something. Like a vegan package. Yes. There you go. Okay. Now, he works at a bank. So that will probably get me in trouble. Well, you... You could still walk in with a short skirt on. Oh, God. Have you seen my... We talked about this. My legs... I can't... A long skirt. A long skirt. Okay. Because I got cankles. I like your cankles. I think they're sexy. I think your legs are really sexy. They're very thick. They're thick legs. They're like... What's not sexy about thick legs? I don't have a separation of ankle and calf. You can tattoo it on. So that's sexy. Tattoo like a little shadow. Oh, it's... Maybe a little curve. It'll work. What is that? You're gonna tattoo it. On your leg. It's... Oh, my God. Is your leg dirty? No, it's my shadow. You can get like a... Fucking ankle, you asshole. Where do you have it? What are those stockings? Get those old school stockings where it comes up the back. Like... It comes up the Cuban. The Cuban styles come all the way up and it's black all the way up the back of your... Oh. Of your heel. You mean like... Oh, there's a thick stripe. They're really old school. Yeah. There's a big black stripe. Those are really sexy. Yeah. And that'll thin your calf out. Can I even wrap... Can I even get them up above my calf? Yeah. Yeah, they're nylons. It stops in the middle. They're stockings. All right. So no stockings because you're not gonna be wearing panties. Yeah. Because you're gonna give them to him in the morning. But then I gotta wrap sandwiches. And you've gotta make sandwiches too. And Capri Suns up here. You live so close to Ralph's. It's like three blocks away. You're right. Go there and just... Yeah. Get some vegan sandwiches. Yeah. And then... You have more problems with this? No. I mean... It's a lot to remember. But I'll go... You put your panties in a little box. You meet him at work. Okay. You've got the hotel already booked. You take him there for lunch. I'm gonna have to start an envelope to collect the budget for this. You have to get a special budget for this. I did. But it's a wonderful little surprise way. You guys have been together for a while. This is very creative. Yeah, we have. Yeah. You've been together a couple years now, so... It's very creative. It is. How do they come up with this stuff? She's got... There's 101 of them in this book. I don't think that I could say with a straight face, come back. I'd like to have you for dinner. I don't have a good sexy face. You have to work on it. Try it with me. Just practice. Yeah, just work on it. That's how you get... Ready? Yes. I'd like to have you for dinner. Take two. Okay, sir. Take three. I'd like to have you for dinner. Try it a little more sexual. I'd like to have you for dinner. Oh, wait. Rolling. Sound. You're going to have to work on that one. We're going to take a quick break so Ro can work on that one. You're listening to Blame It on Ginger. We've got a great show lined up for you today. We've got comedians coming in. We've got all kinds of sex stuff going on. We've got a great show. Don't go anywhere. I'm Ginger Lynn with Ro De La Grazie and Stevie, we will be right back on The Crack. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. it's late. Oh, nice. Well, 20, 25. I was getting up to leave. He was killing his first date. Yeah, that's done. Killing it. He was killing his first date and then came to marry. But I'm trying to practice letting guys, like, take the lead and not being so, like, man-ish with dating because I'm a stand-up, you know? Of course. Sorry, spoiler alert. I'm not a porn star. Oh, you're supposed to be a porn star. Spoiler alert. Oh, I get confused with those two things. Rose is a porn star, so I just, and she does comedy, so I just assume. We're pretty much interchangeable. It's the same thing. We just need validation from strangers in any way we can get it. Yeah, we whore out our souls as opposed to bodies. That's the difference. That's the only difference. And I think that the souls are a lot more degrading than the body. So you had your first date and he was a nightmare? He was, like, 20, 25 minutes. So I'm getting up to leave. I'm like, this is ridiculous. I'm getting stood up by Hollywood Stud's green name. No. Was it one? Was it Hollywood Stud like five? It was OKCupid. OK. So I'm getting up to leave and I see him and he's like, hey, and it turns out the reason he was late is he doesn't believe in phones. Oh. And he doesn't have a watch. He doesn't believe in phones? No. He says he's five years ahead of the curve. Nobody's gonna have a phone in five years. Oh, he's totally right. I'm like, oh, so that's why you couldn't text me like I'm running late. And he doesn't have a watch. Apparently not because he didn't apologize for being late. A sundial or like a... He has like an iPad that he uses with an internet Google number. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. But he didn't have the iPad on. You can't have no phone and have an iPad. You are just hypocritic Harry. I agree. I agree. Okay. So he couldn't text you from an iPad. He couldn't. I guess not because he made no apology for being late. And then, you know, you start talking to somebody and within a few minutes you're like, they're insane. Oh, yeah. Right. Now, what was... What was he hot? He was good looking. Yes. So you saw him... Well, when he stood up later he had like skater gear on which is like which I couldn't see initially which isn't really my thing. But his face is really cute. Because he also skateboarded because he doesn't believe in cars. Well, he has a motorcycle. He doesn't think anyone's going to use cars. Is it a motorcycle or a Vespa? A motorcycle. Okay. What's a Vespa? It's like a little scooter. Oh, okay. No, he just kept going on and on about how he could never get a second date with a girl and he'd been on so many first dates and he just wanted that second date. I felt like he was more obsessed with getting a girlfriend than he was and getting to know the women he went out with. Oh, that's creepy. And did you go... Whoa, whoa. I have... I have an idea. It's probably you. Well, you can't call them to ask for a second date. That's a problem. Yeah, and also, maybe if you hid your crazy a little longer than the first 20 minutes of the date. Like, there's seminars for this shit. Hide your crazy. Yeah, you gotta hide your crazy. No, probably not. I don't know if there is. We've all got a little bit of crazy, but it's like manageable crazy. This was like... Not manageable. I'd be concerned to be alone in a room with them kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. You're concerned to be alone in a restaurant with him. Well, first of all, we were... So did you go home with him, Mary? I'm just kidding. He... I insisted. I walked there. He drove, because it's down the street from where I live, and he kept walking me, and I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. Don't get too far from your car. Now, let me ask you, when the check came, you were like, I've got my half. Or did he pay for it? No, I'm done with that shit. They're paying. They're paying. Yeah, yeah. Because you had to handle his crazy. And all I have is a Red Bull, so it's like, I'm a cheap date. I'm not drinking right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just, he was just nuts. It was just, you know. Also, if I have to deal with all that crazy, I'm not even offering to pay. I will let you pay. No, you're crazy. I've got offering to pay. I don't even do the fake reach for my wallet anymore. No, it's over. So did he go, can we have a second date? Within like 15 minutes, he was like, just so you know, I'm going to put my cards on the table. Like, I want to do a second date. I mean, I don't know what you're thinking yet. It was just like that kind of like crazy eyes crazy. Oh, and what did you say? Being a comedian, exaggerating. I'm like, he was crazy. Okay. Okay. So what did you say? I go, I just kind of laughed it off. I just, I barely said a word. I barely got a word in and I'm a comic. He just talked and talked. Like, I don't think he even knows like anything about me. He just talked about himself a lot. He's never been on an airplane. What? Well, because he doesn't believe in technology. Did you take a picture of him so that we could at least be warned about this man? I'll show you all a picture later. Okay. He's Hollywood. How old was he? 35. 35. Wow. No airplane. No airplane. No airplane. And I go, why haven't you been on an airplane? He's like, no reason to go anywhere. What? I like couldn't wrap my head around it. I was like. No reason to go anywhere. I know. I mean. Had he been to your shows? No, I just, I met this guy on the internet. Okay. I'm internet. What did his profile say? Did it say, I hate planes or did it say? No. No mention of the plane situation. No mention. Or the watch or the phones. No. Or the horse or the buggy. Huh? What hooked you to go on the date? We had nice conversation on the back and forth. Not crazy. No, not at all. Yeah, you can hide your crazy on the email. Because crazy with an exclamation point is just like, oh, he's excited. Yeah, exactly. It's not crazy. It's like, hope there's a second date! Exclamation point. That's a lot different than, I want a second date! I feel like if you would have said it and said, hope there's a second date! Exclamation point. It would still be more endearing then. I hope there's a second date! Yeah. Just a little intense. So then did he email you the next day? Yeah, he messaged me on there and said, I had a good time hanging out. I'd like to see you again. But I understand, you know, if you want to keep moving on, good luck with your search. Keep moving on. Keep moving on. Good luck with your search. I mean, by the end, I kind of felt like I was like race walking. Like, okay, had a good time. Like, I made it kind of clear that I wasn't as into it. Have you had any good internet dates? So, I mean, I had a decent one a few weeks ago, but the chemistry just wasn't there. Like, he was normal and everything was fine. Just wasn't... It wasn't there. Yeah. I went on a... When I was dating on the internet, I went on one date with a guy and I saw his picture and he looked like Sean Connery and he was really... He was a very good looking man and I met him at this restaurant and he was about 25 years older than his picture. He was like older than my grandfather kind of a guy and I couldn't even stay for dinner. I was just like, if you're going to lie that much to me in the beginning... Yeah. Yeah, then no. It's just... You just can't go there. It ain't happening. No. So, you've got two more lined up. Yeah, two more. One tonight is... One tonight. How'd you meet that one? Okay, Cupid. I'm like going to town because I was supposed to start this job this week and it got pushed back so I was like, I'm going to set up some dates. Yeah. Oh, I don't blame you. So, yeah. Doing it. Do it. Now, how far do you go on a first date? Sexually? Yes. I don't really do anything first date. Like not even a kiss goodnight? Maybe a kiss goodnight but rarely. Rarely. Just because it's still that kind of awkward. And now that I'm not drinking anymore, it's kind of like I'm a little more stiff and self-conscious. Right. So, it's sort of not my... So much happens. Yeah. And then, what about you, Jackie? Do you internet date? I've only internet dated once or twice. I mean, I don't now but I had internet dated in the past but... Which one were you on? I did J-Date. Oh, I love it. You should do J-Date. I mean, the people on J-Date look as bad as you imagine anybody on J-Date looks. It's like the options on the men are like so bad that you're like, I'll just look at the women. It's like so... It's so awful. Yeah. And even like the women have more body hair than some of the men so they're like, all right, they're pretty bad. Did you have any luck though? Did you go out? Oh, here's what's actually interesting. I did eHarmony too. I've done that one. Okay. And you have to pick like, you know, does religion matter to you or something? So, I was like, yeah, you know, being Jewish matters. So, they literally found me like five people. They're like, look, we looked through our entire website and there's five yids that you could date. And so, I went out with one and I was like, oh, he's pretty decent. He's okay. Like, no amazing chemistry but I was like, oh, he's cute. We had like a date or two and then I never really heard from him again. So, there was another guy and I went out with him and then on the date he mentioned something to me and I was like, oh, I know somebody who does that for a living meaning the other guy I had dated and he goes, oh, I should probably tell you we're best friends. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I was like, what are the odds? Oh, they're really, really, really close because I got on Grindr the other day just driving and this guy asked me if I was a sub and I was like, oh, gosh. So, I said, do you go to Threshold because I heard about Threshold and I want to go. Is that a gay club? Is that downtown? It's some kind of bondage club and I'm curious and they have all these cute little rooms and I thought, I don't think I'm in the lifestyle but I'd like to go try something and just check it out and check the scene out and then he goes, I don't know if you can see it but the guy next to me wearing these flight headphones is one of the boys below me. I might give you a place as a boy beneath me and I was just like, I don't think I'm into this. I don't know. I was like, okay, and I looked at it and then I looked at the guy and I'm like, oh, my gosh. I said, you know, I know that guy. He seems a bit too bipolar for me. I've tried to be friends with him. It looks too difficult and then he goes, oh, no, he's not bipolar. You should give him another chance. Here's his number. And that was the guy that you were dating that gave you the other guy's number? I didn't even date him. He just told me out of the blue he was a dom and he was looking for submissive boys and I was like, that's not me. Gay community, it's not six degrees of separation. There's just like, there's like one degree of separation in a gay community. At the most, right. A half a head. Everyone's tip has been inside a number since. Did you date the best friend? We went on once and he was like, does that bother you? And I was like, no, I guess if it's okay with you, it's okay with me. But I actually had liked the original guy better. So I was like, if it was up to me, I'd rather date your old friend than you. So I just wound up never dating either of them. You can't really say that to him. Yeah. I can't be like, well, you were just a consolation because that guy never called me. And then you want to do the tag team, set up the tag team. Oh, you could have had a three-way. There you go. Yeah, yeah. When you're dealing with a bunch of Jews, it's like, everyone's like, you're sweating on me. it's too custard. It smells like bagels. Like it's just. It's cold. It's hot. Don't get too close. You're breathing on me. Let's go to a restaurant. Can we just go out and eat? That's four. Four play for us is like reservations. That just gets me wet. If we have reservations and no wait. Never ending bread. It's like you read my diary. So now, where are you going to go on your date tonight? Some sushi place downtown. Okay. Is it the one? There's one on the top of a building down here. I think it is on top of a building. My neighbors. Waukee or something like that. And it's where, I guess you feel like you can walk right off the edge of the building. I mean, based on the website, I looked it up to figure out where it was in relation. And here, I think it does have a view. You know what? That's a nice first date. So you're actually going to dinner. That's a big commitment, dinner. It is kind of a big commitment. Sushi, I feel like is a little bit quicker. You can't order one thing and say you're done. Right. You can also milk that. That's like a romance. I find sushi to be very erotic. It's an aphrodisiac. Yeah. I love sushi. You feed it to each other. It's erotic. Are you going to do that? You're going to just go, here. Should I? Should I really put my cards on the table? It's so awkward because you have nothing in common with these strangers. Other than the fact that you're both looking for something romantic. Yeah. So it's not like, oh, our mutual friend so-and-so. It's like, all right, let's start from scratch. Yeah. No, it's, I mean, have you done it before you had a boyfriend? You know what I, I wonder what I was going to do. I was going to do OkCupid, which I signed up for, but we were going to do it because we wanted, my friend goes, I've got an idea for a viral video. Let's do 30 dates in 30 days and you go on a date a day and then video blog it. And I was like, okay. But I got on and I was like, oh, fuck no. This is a lot of work. It's a lot of work. It's like a job. It's like a job. And I was like, and plus you're like, oh, people are weird. And then a comedian's like, hey, you're on here too. I'm like, oh no. Yeah, I see comics on there all the time. So I was, I guess I just was. I used to see comics on JDate because it's a lot of Jewish comics on JDate. And I literally was like. Is that G-Date? Is that what that stands for? Or Jews. Or Jews, yeah. Oh, I didn't know what that was. Okay. And honestly, it is a lot of like, not only is it a lot of work, but you're right. It's like a new job interview all the time. And I just was like, I don't have. The energy. The energy for, like, I was like, because the intention wasn't like, oh, let me find a boyfriend. Because I guess at the time I was, I only thought I should have a relationship when, you know, I did a gig in Canada and it was like one of those, everybody had like a, like James was going to Skype and my friend Lamont had his girl there. And it was like, and I was like, okay, that's cool. And I was totally fine with it. Is this James Ruloff? Yeah, James Ruloff, right? And this was before he was engaged to marry everybody, right? So I'm like, okay, cool. And it didn't bother me. I wasn't like, oh, but it was Canada. It was Alberta. So everybody in the crowd is married. And like, I remember one guy came up to me. He's like, so you're single? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, man, you were funny. If I had any money, I would buy you a drink. And I'm like, um, okay. So anyway, I say that because what happened was I went to the, I went to the, get on the plane the next day and they go, hey, we don't have a flight for you. There's no flights. The plane's fucked up. Oh my God. You're stuck here. And I'm like, we don't have a plane. And I was like, I have to get, I'm in Alberta. I have to. Yeah. It was like, yeah. And I was like, I have to get out of Canada. I was like, I have to get back to LA, right? And they go, sorry, but here's like a really nice hotel and meal vouchers and all that. And I got up and it was a gorgeous hotel. And I got up to the hotel room and I just looked and I was just like, I'm alone. Like, I just started crying. I was like, there's nobody I have to call right now. They'd be like, oh, I'm not coming home. I mean, the only, honestly, that I do is try and get my shift covered for work the next day and I couldn't even get that covered. I was like, we'll just cover it so you can get back from Canada. And like, I went to work and I was like, where have you been doing comedy? I'm like, I was in Canada this morning. This morning. Now I'm serving UIC. I was in Canada this morning trying to get back here. And like, it was just like all those like, there's nobody to call. And I'm only working because of all the money I lost my honest day in Canada. Because I was in Canada because I made no money on this breast cancer tour. And that's the only reason why. So that's what, I kind of was like, maybe I should think about a relationship. Like that, that was, that was what triggered it. That was what triggered it. And then, you know, it's not like I, I realized I was attracting some pretty special guys. The lowest. Oh yeah, you got to shift through a lot. Yeah. The lowest point for me was when a rabbi set me up on a date with a magician. Sounds like the start of a bit. Because it was totally, no, a hundred percent, the, I really should. It's like the one thing I didn't write a bit about. The one thing that's actually funny enough. Rabbi and a magician walk into a bar. So there she is. I get set up because he was like, oh, magician, comic, you guys totally deserve each other. No, we don't. Like two people that have no business with any other people. And we're at the date and it's obvious as we're like having the first drink that this is not going anywhere at all. And then he's like, do you want a second drink? And I was like, I don't, but I don't want to be rude to my rabbi by not taking this, you know, date seriously. I have a lot to repent for. So, going to hell if I don't, you know, respect my rabbi. So another apple martini. We order another freaking drink. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I come back from the bathroom and he has cards. Oh no. And I was just like, and in my inner mind, I was like, this is fucking. Like he was like, this will drop her panties. Yes. This is going to make me, this is going to make me moist. Oh my God. And it was literally, I'm like, in my head, I'm like, this is happening, isn't it? And he's sure enough, like he did the card trick and it was fine. It was a good trick. But like, like a mom, when like a kid shows you a trick, you're like, oh, that was very nice. Thank you. And it's like one of those like, well, that was good, honey. Okay, go, go practice. Like, so she doesn't have to see another fucking trick. Oh, sorry. We have to take a quick break. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'm so curious about this magician. We'll find out more about the magician when we come back. Joey, I see you're on the line. Don't go anywhere. We will be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Mystery X-rated 3000 theater. We've got Gross Out, The Horror Game, Educating Gina, and Talking Dirty to Me, as well as many, many other things. That's Thursday's Whores and Whores with Ginger Lynn and Kelly Nichols. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. I am Ginger Lynn. You're listening to Blame It on Ginger Lynn. You're listening to the crack on Blame It on Ginger with... Ro De La Grazie. And... Stevie! And we've got two special guests in the studio. We have Jackie Gold and... Woo! Mary Patterson Broom. Woo! Yay! Yay! And we've got Joey on the line right now. Joey, are you there, baby? Yes, I'm here, my all-natural sexy goddess. How are you today? I am wonderful. I love it when you call me your all-natural sexy goddess. It makes me... Well, you're the one and only. You know that. I'm the only natural woman that's left. I'm the only natural woman that's left. No. Yes. Are you going to tell the story? I was cracking up earlier hearing about her internet porn, her internet dating activities and blind dates. And you know what? There's some great comedy in there for Ro. She can pick up on it. I mean, she needs to be recording this show or download it where she can go back and listen to it because, you know, all true things are great in comedy. Yeah. That's where you get all your best material from things that really happen. Yeah. And I wanted to tell a girl, you know, dating is meant to be the old-fashioned way. If you don't know them, you don't know about them, how the hell are you ever going to hook up with them? Yeah. You know, it's just... You know, I can tell in 10 minutes if I even want to be around somebody, you know? Mm-hmm. Yep. That's the problem with internet dating. You know, you get that vibe off of them. They either fill you with energy or they suck you dry. There's no end to it. You said it, Joey. You said it, Joey. Truth. Have you done a lot of internet dating, Joey? I have never even attempted because I've heard nothing but horror stories about it. Mm-hmm. I mean, you know, you don't always know what you're going to get. You're talking to somebody on a keyboard or, you know, unless you Skype with them or something like that. I just don't see the point of trying to go that way. Well, it's hard to meet people. I know about or at least have met, you know? I had one good experience, Joey. I did have one good experience. I dated somebody that I met on a computer. I dated somebody on not eHarmony. They said that only 7% of the population would be interested in a girl like me. This was seriously 7%. Wow. And there was like one farmer in the middle of nowhere that the Netherlands or something that was my match. But I dated a guy for about six months and he actually, the way that it ended, we were dating, we were having a good time. I couldn't go, I couldn't keep seeing him because I had issues with his profession. What was his profession? He was completely fine with me being a porn star. He was, he was a weapons manufacturer for the government. So he manufactured, you know, different things for... Like tanks and Uzis. Yeah, guns and things that are big and bad. Things you kill people with, right? Things you kill people with. And I just, I couldn't date him anymore. Because you couldn't wrap your head, you couldn't live with yourself. I couldn't, no. And now I know what it must be like to date a porn star. You know, there's issues that, because I couldn't date one. I could never do that. It's just, they're too fucked up in the head, most of them. Yeah. You know what? I couldn't see ever dating a porn star. I could see being friends with one and having great times and great experiences with them. But, you know, having sex with a porn star is like... It's the best. Trust me. It's awesome, Joey. Huh? I said it's the best thing ever. It's awesome. Ask Nick. I'm sure sex would be great. But, I mean, how can you, how can you have a relationship if you have a monogamous mind? You understand? And you try to date a porn star? Yeah. You try to date a porn star. You know? Yeah. It would fuck with my head. It definitely would. Oh, no doubt about it. It's just like what you got with Nick, you know? It's not everybody can have this thing. It takes two special people to overcome all the things that come in between, you know, civilian and porn stars. And like I said, you know, it'd be great to have sex with a porn star, but to have a relationship would be probably the most challenging thing you've ever done in your life. That's why I give Nick a big, big thumbs up or a big, big kudos for dealing with my shit. You know, I haven't made a movie in... I think he's a great guy myself. Ten years? And I love your Wednesday shows. You enroll a lot in my Wednesday shows. Joey! Wednesday's the most fun day around here. They're all good days, but Wednesday's just, it's full of life and energy and it's just fun. I'm so glad that you're enjoying it as much as we do. When do you listen to... You bring the greatest guests on on Wednesdays, too. Always interesting people. Thanks, Joey. Thanks, Joey. Now, our next topic we're going to be going into is how to get your man to go down on a woman. Are you a big pussy licker? I love licking pussy. If you know what your pussy stances are, you're not getting any cock. Really? Yeah. I mean, if we have time, then there's going to be some foreplay and believe me, your pussy is going to get ate like you ain't had it ate before. You're going to get a couple of nuts before I even get cock in you. Nice. Well, then you're not one of those guys that we need to convince or get to have go down on a woman, which is awesome. Oh, no. I mean, it's just like if you're not eating pussy, then something's wrong with you. I agree. Yep. There's a lot of men out there that don't eat pussy. I personally have run into two of them and I'm not being racist here. They were both black men and neither... You know what? That was a couple of them. That was a couple of them. That was a couple of them. There was a comedian one time that made the statement, my daddy told me, boy, don't you ever eat no pussy. And Richard Pryor said, I couldn't wait to eat a pussy. He'd been wrong about everything else. That's hilarious. Well, thank you so much for calling in, Joy. We always love hearing from you. All right. Send your flowers in the morning. Love you, girl. I'll get them in the morning. Thank you, sweetheart. Do you really get flowers in the morning? He sends me flowers every day on my phone. Oh, that's sweet. Every single day. Every single morning he sends me flowers and they're from his daughter's garden. So they're always different and he travels. He's a truck driver, but he'll send me flowers every single day with little notes and little nice sayings. That's very sweet. Every time. Every day at 7 a.m. I get my flowers. Oh, that's so cute. That's so cute. So you can depend on them in this life. Yeah. And when you wake up at 12, then you see the flowers. No, if I could only sleep in until 12. Oh, yeah. But you got the real one today from the fair. I did get a real one. I got a real one. I got a real one. I got a real flower today. Stevie brought me a flower this morning. Because we went to the fair and they have the, what is it, tuberose? They're really, they smell like roses. They're the most amazing. They're little white flowers that they're like in a little bunch. Oh, I think that's peanut. And they're just the most fragrant, amazing little flowers. And we went to the fair and did we win them or buy them or somebody get, how did? I don't know. We ended up with them and you said, well, you take them because you'll make them grow. Yeah. I'll just kill them. I kill everything. I kill everything. Basil. You're basil. You kill basil? You grow basil. No, I don't grow it. I just get it from Ralph and then I kill it. Oh, you buy it when it's in the little pots? Yeah. And then there's a snail orgy every morning on it. Really? Oh, yeah. You put it outside? Does it come with snails or snails just come? Why don't you bring it in your kitchen? It's basil. Yeah, put it in the window. That's a good idea. Yeah, the snails would just get it. How many have you killed before you thought to bring them inside? Like eight. That's just cheaper to buy the pot than the basil. So I'm just like, let's try this again. I never, see, I buy things and I think I'm going to use them and then like I'll be on a kick in the grocery store like, oh, I'm going to make this. Oh, yeah, let me buy that. A week later, just rotting in the back of my fridge. It's not, nothing gets cooked. It's a waste of money. Groceries. So gross. They're just, mine become just gross. I'm so funny today. I love it. Jackie's funny. I just throw it in the garden. I compost if I forget about it. Oh, you fancy you have a garden. Yeah. You compost? Do you have a house? A house? Yeah. No, it's like a wood, it's the townhouse. So it's like, there's not much of a garden, but the front's got like a strip. So I, he's got a landing strip for his front. I just pictured you composting in an apartment. I'm like, how does that? Oh, no. That would be on the patio. It's like a version of quarters. The ones below me would be pissed off. Yeah. Every time it rained. Like a version of quarters where someone just takes their bathtub and just composts in their bathtub. Oh, no. No. Oh. That would be interesting. We have this segment. We do. That you wanted to ask me about. Well, I, it's, you know. You said you were talking about me on the radio. We were talking about you yesterday because my experience is I've only had two men in my entire life that wouldn't go down and they were both black men. And I'm wondering, you date a black man, is there an issue with going down on you? No. But I will tell you, the one guy that I've had that I had a couple of honeys before I have my guy now. Right. And you're not a virgin. I'm not a virgin. You weren't one when you met him. You'd like to think I was, but I remember I had a guy who was a comedian and he was extremely gorgeous. And he was actually, I think he was like, he was born and raised in Detroit, but he's Iranian or something. You know, like his parents were Middle Eastern and he was gorgeous and he was 10 years younger than me. So he was like 12, right? Yeah. Just kidding. But he's like, you know, at one point and he was like in perfect shape. He was really sweet. He was like, oh, you know, he was totally hitting on me when we first met. And at one point we had slept together a couple of times and the second time I was like, I don't know how it got brought up, but I was like, oh, you know, there's going to have to be something like something being taken care of because, oh, I don't really do that. And I said, oh, then we're never going to be together again. Did you say that? I was like, good. I've only dated one guy who didn't. Yeah. I don't have time for this. Did he say why? He just said it was weird because he kept like not doing it and finally I was like, do you just not like to do pussy? And he's like, no, not really. And I was like, did you just come across a really rank vagina or like what happened? And he's like, I just don't really, I don't really like it. How do you not? I just think it's kind of gay when they don't like to do that. I don't know. It just makes, and he already had some like kind of like pussy qualities and that like he was like afraid of everything and just like, I don't know. He just already had some like effeminate stuff going on. Suspects. And I'm like, it's not on your side. He was afraid of everything. Like the pussy. Yeah, he was like, I would never run the horse. He was afraid of a lot of shit. He was. I ain't afraid of no pussy. But then he would like go down and like kind of half ass like put his tongue in a couple times and then come back. I'm like, no, no, no, no. That doesn't count. Like that doesn't, that's not your get out of jail free card, dude. Closing his eyes like, oh my gosh. Only once I started, once I started like fucking around with men, did I notice that people like would actually, like men enjoy eating pussy. Like once like. There's no men in Hollywood. Yeah, but like until like my, in my like earlier 20s, I was fooling around with a guy who was like 18 years older. So I was 24. He was 42. Damn. And like, like nothing more than to eat pussy. And then even when the age difference got smaller, like when I was like, I don't know, 26, 27 for the first time, I was like, um, he, when I was 26, the first time he was maybe like in his thirties also. Like, and I started being like, oh, cause the more, the older they get, the more man they are. Yes. They're okay with it. Yeah. I mean, Chris is black, but that's it. Well, he's also white too. So I don't know what it is, but. Is he a pussy licker? Yeah. Well, he, I said when we first, especially when we first started dating, I was like, he is going down, like he wants to marry me. Like that whole, like he is like making it. He's committed. Never. Think about anybody else. I mean, he was really like, to a point where you're like, on it. This is like, my God, you know? Right. And now that we live together, he's got me. I'm like, all right, well, we got to remember when we, uh, you know, let's kick it back. You know? Yeah. But it's not, it's not even where I'm like, oh, you know, cause honestly it's, uh, I enjoy it, but it's like, I don't mind a good quickie. You know what I mean? I don't mind a good quickie. I don't have to have it like, it's the principle of it though. I'm willing to do it and love doing it. Absolutely. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, cause I don't even really, um, I'm getting super personal. We're on a sex show. Like I come easier from intercourse than I do from that, but I still need a guy that does that because that's the principle. Yeah. Right. Well, you're, the thing is too, like the other, the other day we were just lying around and we had some crazy hot sex. It was just great, you know, but it was like, that sweaty, nasty, wonderful. Well, it was just, we were lying around doing nothing. It was just nice. I didn't have anything, you know, I didn't book anything. And then we just like went at it, just laying around a bit. It was so relaxing. And, but it's also, I didn't ever have somebody that stuck around after. I don't have nooners. Cause I didn't have anybody I wanted to see. I'm glad you found that. The more they love to do it. Like, I mean, there was one guy I was hooking up with and he was like, like, you know, just from us making out and Reverend, his relationship. We're like, we shouldn't really be together. No. Yeah. And every time, like we'd just be sitting there and he's like, can I please just, can I please, please just let me eat your pussy. And I was like, all right, fine. So it's like, he really wants, but then I get, I've such so neurotic that I'm like, I take so long. Like this is going to take so long. And then I'm so, I get so heady about it where I'm like, Oh my God. Oh, okay. Like I'll shower. I'll go to my boyfriend's house and I'll be showered and clean. And we'll be both be so lazy that we're like, let's just fall asleep. And then the morning, that's when he wants to fool around. I'm like, I had a nice clean vagina for you. Now I have morning vagina. And I don't know if, I mean, it's not bad morning vagina, but it's a little bit of morning vagina. It's not the nice fresh that you just had when you got out of the shower. It has morning grass. And I don't know. I'm like, now you want to go down? There's a lot of pressure. Like I remember I was with this guy. I think I was talking about this last week, but like, he was like, did you, did you fit? Did you, just stop. Stop. Stop. There's too many questions. Yeah. I can't, you're pushing me. I'm not. Now I'm, I'm trying to, but I am forcing it. Stop. Just stop asking questions. Now you're thinking about it. Yeah. You can't think about it. But I've never had really trouble with anybody that's ever like, oh, you're going to have, I mean, I really am, especially when they're younger. You're like straight up. This is what it's about. Like my boyfriend is seven years younger than me. So we've had that talk like, okay, so we're living together. We're doing this. Are we planning on getting married? Cause I don't have time to fuck around. You're like, I mean, I'm not worried about getting married. If I never got married, I would be fine. You know, I'm not one of those people. I have to, I have to do it, but it's like, Hey, look, we're doing this. Do we want to get married or what? Well, you'd like to be with someone that you would want to marry. Cause I would want to marry him. Like he is that person to me that we work well together. We enjoy each other. I, he's got, he wants to like have a good life. I want to have a good life. We want to have a good life together. Right. But I also need to know, do we plan on doing this? Cause I'm, you know, a certain age where I should be farther along in my life. I'm not. And you know what you're like, what do you mean farther along in your life? I was going to say, what do you mean by that? Part of her feels like she's missing that Alberta, Canada part. Yeah. Well, part of me is like, I should have at least had a failed engagement. Like you told me, like you've had like a lot of engagements. I haven't even, that's so smart. I haven't even had like, I've been engaged nine times. Really? Never gone through with it. Always to the same person each nine times. Are you engaged now? No. I, I wear, I'm in love now. Got it. And I'm going to, I've been with the same man for coming up on seven years. So we're going to grow old together. If he asked me to marry him, I'm out of there. And I've made that very clear. You don't want to get married. I don't want to get married. And for some reason, if somebody asks me, it's just, I have to run. I have this, this, I've heard about, I think that exists. I can't do it. It was a Julia Roberts movie called Runaway Bride. Runaway Bride. But do I want to live and grow old with this man, be with him for the rest of my life? Abso-fucking-lutely. Abso-fucking-lutely. But do I want to marry him? There's no way. And it's not because of his lack of pussy licking. Yeah. That's nice to hear. Yeah. One of the things that we do is we play games for pussy licking and cock sucking. So that, because we've been together for a while now and we get the same thing that you were talking about, Jackie, when you go to bed and you're just tired and you just roll over and go to sleep. But, brain fart. Don't let me drink today. How do you play for man licking and pussy licking games? Oh, so we play games for that. So we'll play crazy eights and whoever wins. So, but it's always a win-win. It's like, okay, if I win, you get, you eat my pussy. If you win, I suck your dick. I love that. But it's a win-win for each of us. No matter what, we'll do it with Yahtzee. We'll do it. We'll just play board games and silly things and bet for this. Taboo. You need a team for that. Tinga. Whoever drops the tower has to go down. Go fish. Old maid. And then I go like, who are you calling? And I throw all the cards on the table and run out the door. And we also, for birthdays, he always asks for an hour long blow job. Hour? An hour long blow job. And he'll wait an hour until he comes? Oh, he'll, he's, yeah. Or you just kind of like stretch it out. Is that like nothing for you because of what you've done? Like, like work-wise? She's a queen. I just, I love sucking dick. That just, that just sounds like lockjaw to me. Well, the thing is, you know. I said the same thing. Yeah, no, I. CMJ. I enjoy it. And it's a whole process. It takes, I use my hands. I use my mouth. But yeah, I'm down there for the whole hour and his birthday was just Saturday. So he got his hour long blow job. Like the clock starts. And you're down there. Like a massage and a nail salon. The timer goes on. She did say, she did 51 minutes. I did. I didn't make it the full hour. Wow. That's love. Hashtag disappointed. Do they roll over? Do those minutes roll over? Yeah, but if you think about it. That's funny. But he, what he also got for his birthday. Next year, 109. He got 51 blow jobs for his birthday is what he, it's his gift. So last year I gave him a coupon for blow jobs on demand and he didn't cash them in all the time. So this year he just gets 51 blow jobs, but he cashed in three of them all on the same day. Nice. Really? Your guy can come three. He's pretty amazing. One and done. One and done. I have to piece it out to like one at night, one in the morning, or at least like a before dinner. And then like maybe after, after TV. It's rare when you find somebody that can just like, Oh, shoot him out. It is, but I got really lucky and I looked for a long time. Like I said, I've been engaged nine times and I finally found that, that one guy that can satisfy me. And after having been in adult films for so long and being with so many partners that, that know how to fuck, you know, to be able to, to satisfy me is, is not an easy challenge. And he knows exactly where every button is. And how did you two meet? He was dating a friend of mine and she called me up and she said, look, I'm dating this guy. He's really great. You guys would be perfect together. So I asked her, what's wrong with him? And she said, nothing. He's just, you guys would be great together. And as Nick puts it, we're both sick and twisted in the same direction. Love it. He's just, and so my girlfriend, it was a mutual friend that introduced us and she's still our friend. I think that's so great when you hear about that where the couple's like, there's nothing like, most girls feel so selfish and even if it's not the right guy for them, they're like, no, but that's, but I did. Right. Yeah. And for someone to be like, you know what? No, not for me, but I think better for you. Yeah. And I think that's something so great. Isn't that a wonderful friend? And I think she's a little bit upset about it now though. It's been, you know, so many years. I don't think she thought that we were going to stick together and stick around. So we don't talk as much as we used to, but you know. Wouldn't that have made her happier? Like she was happier to give him up for it to be a one-time thing than for, is she still alone? Maybe she's jealous if she's not dating anybody. Yeah. She's not dating anybody. She says she doesn't want to and I believe her, but I think that there's still a part of her that goes, you know what? Maybe I passed up a really good one. Gotcha. Yeah. She was like, I probably could have made it work with him and I gave him up. She gave him up. So we're together now for quite some time and we have a really wonderful, sick, twisted, kinky sex life with a lot of great sex. They do. They have a really, yeah. Yeah. You're active. We're very active. You're active. We're very active. We have some tips. Well, we have to take another quick break. Damn it. I know. We're just going to No, we just took one, but we've been running behind on them. So we're going to make this a really quick one, Cheyenne. Okay. We've got these tips on how to make it go down. We're going to get to that. We're going to tell you how to get your guy to go down on you and guys, you should pay attention to this. You're listening to deep, in-depth girl talk. Surprise us with these and then it'll be even a bigger plus. You get more blowjobs. You get more sex. You get more dinners cooked for you. Girls love to have their pussy licked. We'll tell you more about it on The Crack in just a moment. She was shining like a star The beads of sweat were glistening As she and I were christening my car and shank And as it was in our tradition We'd run the gauntlet of decisions From routine to acrobatic and bizarre She said, now show me what you've got She looked so purely hedonistic As my insides went ballistic for the money shot And as the rhapsody subsided Dewey-eyed and thoughtly spoken She confided her misguided plan to me And she smiled like a child And she said I want to live a life of sin I want to be like Jean Jules Linn Lauderdie Lauderdie Surrendered to the force that lies within I want to be like Jean Jules Linn Lauderdie Lauderdie She'd always been a wandering vine She grew up fast and filled out faster as she soon became the master of the finished line And while she lacked sophistication There would be no limitations to the lengths of deprivation in her prime She said I'll be the bluest movie queen I'll live a life that's so divine Just sipping wine and blowing limes with Charlie Sheen I'll be in all the magazines They'll tell me no one's looked so fine in 69 Since Tracy Lord was sweet 16 And she smiled like a child When she said I want to live I want to live a life of sin I want to be like Jean Jules Linn Lauderdie Lauderdie Surrending to the force that lies within I want to be Jean Jules Linn Lauderdie Lauderdie I want to eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually Well, she can take it like a champ I wanna be like Ginger Lynn She'll be the world's most famous tramp I wanna be like Ginger Lynn They'll put her picture on a stamp I wanna be like Ginger Lynn Lotta D, lotta die I wanna be like Ginger Lynn Lotta D, lotta die I wanna be like Ginger Lynn Lotta D, lotta die I wanna be like Ginger Lynn Lotta D, lotta die Hi, it's me, Ginger Lynn. I want you to join me on Mound Mondays with the talented, the beautiful, the sexy Miss Nina Hartley. You're gonna get a little sex breakdown. You're gonna get deep inside Nina Hartley. Nina's gonna go over her BDSM checklist where she's gonna tell you just how naughty to be, how to do it right, how not to get hurt, and how to make your lover beg for it. She's gonna make me beg for it in her little game called Forced Orgasms. And did you know Nina's gonna let you know anything and everything that you didn't know about sex and were afraid to ask. That's Mound Mondays with Ginger Lynn and Nina Hartley. We are back on Blame It On Ginger. Welcome back to The Crack with me, Ginger Lynn and... Ro De La Grazie. And... Stevie! And our special guest today, Mary Peterson Broom. Patterson. Patterson. Did I say Peterson? Yeah. I am so sorry. That's a cue. I didn't put my glasses on. And the tequila. Mary Patterson Broom. So sorry. Welcome. Good to have you here. And Jackie Gold. And they're looking at the vagina. We're looking at the vagina. I've got the big book of pussy here in the studio. For those of you who don't know, what I do is I have everybody that comes in choose their favorite pussy and autograph it. It's really hard. I'm trying to decide between like, do I find a vagina that I think looks the most like mine? Do I find... I did find one woman that looks like mine. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that's like me. They really come in all shapes and sizes. They really do, right? Don't they? They're like snowflakes. Some of the hair on these are more ridiculous than anything you've ever seen. I know. Like, it goes back through time. So the earlier pictures are going to be older. Right. And then the newer ones are going to be in the back. But back then... Still it looks like Merkins on every... Look at the one that's in your hand. Like that one? That's a painting, isn't it? That one's an actual painting. I think so. Yes. Wow. But I remember when I started doing porn, I had the biggest bush ever. Really? It was back in 1980. Really? It was back in 1983. Wow. And it was... There wasn't... Nobody groomed. Nobody did it. It was... It's just what it was? That's what it was. But you groomed like the leg area. Like nothing? No. I didn't do anything. No. Wow. It was all natural. My penthouse layout. I've got a bush that... You needed a lawnmower to go in there. It was huge. It was huge. Maybe that's one of the reasons why guys don't go down and pussy sometime is because back then... They don't know what they're getting into. You don't. You don't. Ro, what are the tips for... It's going to be a flossing situation. I have to go in there. I have to eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually eventually for. Yeah. Get something in your teeth. Go down on me. Okay. Take. Okay. Nothing excites like oral sex. I agree. Yeah. I love oral sex. It's one of my favorite things to have done to me and to do. And nothing ruins it worse than bad oral sex. Yeah. It's true. Nothing turns a mood off than bad oral sex. Yeah. Or the guy that just licks in the hole or just goes straight for the clit. Yeah. There's a whole area down there, guys. There's the lips. There's the inner. What's in a hall pass? Fake. Fake munch. When you just make the noise down there and you hit it with your fingers. What do they call it? Like fake punch or something. Okay. Donkey punch? No. That's dumb. That's a whole different deal. Okay. Let's see. Take these tips to make your man go down on you. One. Cleanliness. Cleanliness. Cleanliness. Cleanliness. Cleanliness. Cleanliness. Most men do not want to give an. Oral. To. Oh. They're women because they find the taste. Awful. What? Where's this from? I don't know. It's from. What's this source? It's on the back. Should say right there. Oh, no. It says. See how. Oh, it doesn't say? No. No. I don't know who this author is. Okay. Well, it's a man. I can already tell it's a man. If you want to convince your guy to go down on you, you have to keep your V clean. Make sure there's no foul smell. You'll still. You're not still bleeding a little from your period and that you don't have an yeast infection. Oh, no. Ew. Well, I think most girls have given themselves their own like scratch and sniff test. Yeah. I do. I mean, who doesn't know to do that? If I'm not going to eat it, I wouldn't let you eat it. There you go. I will excuse myself to the bathroom and I'll go, let me just make sure that everything is I do the same thing. Make sure you're in the clear. Okay. I think this was written by a man. It has to be. Okay. Number two, shave. Well, let's. Another hindrance why he's not going to down can be your pubic hair. So try shaving your B, which is short and attractive. It's attention. Especially if you try, if you shave his name into it. What if I just make it into an arrow like here, this is where you need to go. Follow the arrow. I would do an arrow. Um, let's see. Or stop sign because it's like you're not getting anything else. I used to say, uh, I wanted to shave it into a mustache. So when he's going down, he looks like a gentleman. Can I look down on him? Okay. I can make yours into mustache shapes. Yeah, I'm sure. That would be funny. Let me do that for you. No, it wouldn't be a sexual thing. Okay. It would be a purely friendly gesture. This is how she starts. They have a jade. They have a jazzling where you can vajazzle your vagina. I've done that. I've done that. I've never vajazzled. They're little, uh, appliques that have rhinestones on them. They're really pretty. They have them for nipples too. I was at the hustler store the other night and I, because I've always wanted to wear pasties. They had like, like, like, like the kind of like, um, with the glue. And there was rhinestones, but it was all clear. So it would look like it was just your nipple, but with like rhinestone. Kind of like. Like burlesque pasties? Like the tassels? Yeah, they had some of, they had those too, but I always, I always wanted to wear sequin stars, but then they also had the appliques, which were pasties, but rhinestones. They make them for your vagina too. My luck, I'd take off the bra and one would fall off. That's sexy. Okay. You have a winking, your boobs are winking. Okay. Three. Push him while he kisses your body. So do exactly what a man does to a woman. Just shove your head down. Just gently push his head towards your vagina. I don't like a head push. I've been waiting for the head push. I hate head pushing. Yeah, what? I don't want that done to me. Why would I do that to him? If I'm about to blow you and then you either say, hey, could you blow me? Or start pushing my head. You're done. It will make, just like that. Or just be really, be really aggressive when you're kissing face to face. Just shove his head down. Okay. Number four. Do a handstand. Take it like a man. Number four is, number four is encouragement. You're doing a good job, honey. You're doing a good job. Oh, A plus. Grab his hair when he does it right. He'll know how excited you are. It'll give him the encouragement to go on. What if he's bald? What if he doesn't hold his ears? Like he's dumb? Or his cheeks. He should have sound effects. Hooray! It's weird to me that he's having to give this advice. Isn't this all a given? Yeah. Like if you're enjoying it, it'll be obvious. Oh, here's one for us. They literally took all the advice from blowjobs and were like, we'll just switch it. It's the same for a woman. We'll just put a V instead of a D. Ready? Five. Arch your hips. Put in some. Put in some effort from your side as well. So if he's not going to eat, force feed him. It's pretty much. Just like shove it. And hold the head down. You've got the dual effect there. So suffocate him with your vagina. Vagina bang his face is what you need to do. Wait till he falls asleep. Just plop right down on it. Yeah. You know, get up. Set up a wrestling ring in your bedroom and just hop on the top and just jump. Can we stop a vagina bang on the face? Because I never feel like comfortable doing that because I feel like I'm going to like hurt their neck or something. I'm going to suffocate them. Do you know what I mean? When you're riding against their face? Yeah. When they request that, I'm like, oh, okay. And then I get up there and I'm like, oh, are you okay? Bang my face. Are you okay? Like, I can enjoy it. I enjoy it, but I can't really get into it. My core. I can't wear my core right now. It is actually such a workout on your thighs. Have you ever, like, when you have to hold yourself up on someone? It is without like smashing their face. I'm not physically fit enough. I'm like, it's not enjoyable because my thighs are burning. We need a safety hand movement. Like. No, stop. Get off my back. Get off my back. I know. Well, this says move your hips and arch them until you get him to aim his mouth on the right spot. As he gets on the right spot, move your hips in the motion of having sex. So you're just going to fuck his face? So are we banging mentally? Jackie and I are both kind of like simulating what we think that would be. Well, I don't know because I go a different way. Like country line dancing. Country line dancing on his face. But Kira, do you want to do it? I think it's weird about that. Was I going to ask? Not that I feel like it's like face rape, but it's like, how can they do their thing if you're going at them at the same time? It's really hard to be in that position where you're squatting over their face. That's like some serious rhythm. This advice does not take into account male ego. Because like for a woman, if a guy encourages us and is like, yeah, baby, that's so good. That's so good, baby. That's exactly what I like. We feel good. We're like, oh, good. We're doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you start telling the guy like, you know, baby, I just want you to go up just a little bit. And baby. Oh, baby, that's good. But just then he's like, oh, well, then you can't. Why don't you just do it to yourself? You know what's fine? Why don't you do it yourself? Or then they're just like, OK, well, then let's just like they don't. I feel like male ego can't handle a lot. You're right, Jackie. But number six. Number six is scream out. Wait, there's a six? Or did you just make that one up? I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. The most encouraging way to get a guy to give you oral is to make him feel like, oh, I'm going to do this. I'm going to be like a sex god. If you're normally silent during sex, then scream like you've never done before. I love that, Jackie. See how it gets turned on. I love that. It's so tribal. I've never screamed like that before. It's amazing. I get so conscious when I get loud. I need to work on that. Yeah. I'm afraid if I talk too much. Really? I get so conscious if I'm loud. I'm like, do they think I'm being off dramatic? I kind of talk my way through the whole thing. You know, even when I'm sucking his cock a lot of times. What do you mean by that? Because sometimes, I don't know. When I think I'm talking too much. Are you saying, this is great. We've had a great evening. I've had so much fun with you. What are you saying if you're talking while giving a blowjob? What kind of stuff are you saying? Well, now I have to think about it. I can't say much because I've got to focus on the TMJ. You know what I usually say? I go, I'm not gag reflexing. I know, yeah. When I'm giving a blowjob, I usually go. I'm really enjoying it. I can't think of anything that I say in particular, but I talk a lot during sex. During the entire time. During the entire thing, you know. And it's not, baby, do you like this? It's just more dirty talk. And I can't, for some reason, I'm. Like a lot of like, oh, this is fucking great. Like, I want you to come all over my butt. Like, something like that. Well, a lot of times when I'm sucking his cock, I'll ask him, you know. Or I'll tell him, I want you to come on my face when you get close. I want, you know. Ginger likes to give her a grocery list, too. When she's like, can you go get the milk and the eggs and the bread? Honey. She's like, honey. Yes. She's a pro. I saw a new car that I like. And I was like. But I don't really. I mean, I guess I've talked. It just depends. Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I'm. I don't know. Yeah. But I've always, like, been worried about being too loud sometimes. I mean, because. That's because you have neighbors. Yeah. I have neighbors. I see my. I'm friends with my neighbors. Yeah. Like, oh, hey. And my friend told me. He said, I've heard you. I'm like. They told you? Really? Yeah. Oh, is that that guy? Why would they tell you that? Yeah. That would make me. You don't need to know that. I know. Not my friend Casey. Oh. A girlfriend or a guy? A guy. I know. My neighbor above me. That's why a girl would never do that. My neighbor above me must have asthma because they're always like. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. They must have sex a lot. You have that down. They finally moved out. I always call them the abusive boyfriend upstairs because they would fight and they would yell. It was about this time last Halloween that he was like, I didn't leave without you. I looked everywhere for you. It was like a big fight. And then later on, I was like. Stop. I hear my neighbor in the building next to me. What? Yeah, because the buildings are close. And I hear these. And I'm never sure if it's actually. I know it's always the same girl, but I'm never sure if it's the same guy. And you're kind of like. You know, it's at random time. She must be an actress. Yeah. Friday at 11 a.m. I'm like, who is home? 2 p.m. on a Monday. People in L.A. No one has a job. They're either on the freeway or home having random. It's like you'll be home. It's like on Wednesday. And you're like, really? Is this like a your window faces her window kind of thing? I actually don't know which apartment it is. It's like she always keeps her window open. And it's like there's a lot of like. It's a bigger apartment building next to me. So there's a lot of like there's three floors. So I really don't know. That's a bigger apartment building, three floors? Yeah. I only have like 10 apartments. That's in my apartment building. So there, which by the way, I have only like 10 units in our building. And then there's another building. But somebody did laundry last week. And I took out the dry. You know, they left in the dryer. And I took it out. It was dry. And they still haven't picked it up. I'm like, I was going to Instagram it. Because I'm like, who the fuck? How long? It's been a week. It's been a week. It's some serious ADD. They must have forgot that they did their laundry until they go to wear like that shirt. After a while. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They got the part. They had to fly out of town and finish the laundry. I got the job. They're like, let the peasants in the apartment building keep my Target shirts. I'm going to New York. I'm a star now. I'm shooting a lifetime. What? She had like really organized. Like she had a, I took it out. And you know, those laundry bags that you put, but it's all sectioned out. Oh yeah. So you can put. Like underwear and bra. Yeah. Yes. Oh, that's how she had it. Like in little mesh bags already. Oh, so she's an aristocrat. Yes. She still won't pick up her laundry. Irresponsible. Maybe she's waiting for her maid to do it. I don't know. But I was like, after a while, what do you, I mean. I mean, I guess if she died, you would have heard about it. You know what I do? Just bring it to the building manager. Just collect the four bags. What if she's like dead in her apartment? I don't know. What if she is dead? Yeah. She could be dead. Do you smell anything? No. Maybe it's the other apartment. Because we only have three washers for the two buildings. See, because if the laundry was dirty, you could smell the crotch and then go and do a sniff. Like. Yeah. It's just this knock on apartment buildings. Can I smell your vagina and see if this is you? What kind of underwear are you wearing? Oh, you're not. Because it's all in the laundry room. She must have a lot of clothes. It could have been a senior who forgot, just forgot. No, these were younger clothes. These are like, it was like Target. But Target, like the side with all the cartoon shirts. Oh. Yeah. Like that kind of, not cartoons, but you know. I know what you mean. Like party in the USA. She's a young girl. Like it's Friday night. That's what's happening there. She's a young girl still wearing the kids, wearing the juniors. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The 20 year old's still wearing it. It's like that moment I had. She's shit for Friday night. Yeah. Yeah. I had that moment in Ross. I was like, I don't think I should be shopping in the junior side. Yeah. We've all had that moment in Ross. I think about that. I've started now eliminating it where I'm like, waist up. Maybe still. Maybe. It's a sad moment we've all had. Yeah. When you're in the women's world department of Ross. Oh, it's sad. When like the large and the junior. Yeah. How do they do their sizes? Nine and 11 and 13. You're like, it's done. It's done. I was watching the Maury show and this woman was like, I found a pair of 12 pants. She's like, I'll wear a seven. And I was like, first of all, seven is a choice. I was like, adult sizes are not coming on. You should not be wearing a seven. You are an adult woman. You are either a four or a six. You're a six or an eight. You're not a seven lady. You're in the wrong department. You are not letting go. You are a forever 21. Stop it. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Do y'all still do forever 21? I mean, I feel like I got cut off from there. No, I can't do forever 21. No, I do. I can't do more. When it comes to tops, I'll do it. Especially like if you want a top that like you're like, oh, if I never wear this again, I didn't lose any money. Yeah. Cool. I feel like that was Ross on the junior department. I don't feel like the way TJ Maxx. Did I just talk you into it now? No, I don't feel that way. Like TJ Maxx, I go for the commitment. Oh, yeah, yeah. That is a commitment. I like Marshalls. Yeah, I like Marshalls. To be honest with you, I like look through the lost and found at Stanley's. That's my restaurant I work at. I wouldn't be above that. Yeah. I mean, people don't pick up their stuff. Tie-in sweaters probably. I pick up some iPhones up in there. That's really nice. I got this. I hope they're not watching. It's a very nice sweater. Yeah. Is that where you really got that sweater? That's not funny. Is that regular? You're a nice designer. Yeah, we have regular. Well, yeah, but I also got this at a thrift store. Really? Isn't that cute? Isn't that cute? I love that top. Well, girls, I have about seven, I have about 10 bags of giveaway that I'm about to give away. When? And so you guys are welcome. It is sitting in my living room right now. You guys are welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. I have a coach bag that I'm giving away. What? I'm probably going to sell the coach. I'll probably try and sell the coach bag. How much are you going to sell the coach bag? I'm going to sell something, bring it to one of the thrift stores and let them buy it. Well, let me look at it. Let me look at the clothes, though. I may buy the coach bag off of you. I could use a new purse. Did you see my hobo bag? I've got a hobo bag. I have another bag full of purses. When can we come over? Anytime. Yay, let's go. Did you do a clean out or did you go shopping? I did a whole clean out because I lived like a disgusting person. If somebody came to rob me, they would have left because they were like, someone's already been here. It was ridiculous. Drawers had vomited everywhere. So I had to just finally- Do you know what's funny? As I cleaned out my closet and I didn't have much to give away, but I literally never replaced it with anything. I'm supposed to go shopping and I haven't. What I do is I go through my closet and I keep thinking, I'm going to fit into that again. Yeah, I do that too. So now what I've done is I've gone through my closet and I've gone through my closet and I've taken out all the pants that my ass doesn't fit into anymore. And I have a pile that's probably about three foot high of, I'm going to fit into these again. And I have all the new stuff that fits me, but then that big pile that I do nothing with. So I need to- That's what I finally did. I cut the cord. I had four drawers full of jeans. Really? I have so many jeans and things are nice too, like good brands and maybe half up my legs. And I was like, who am I kidding? It doesn't matter how much I work out. These thighs, they're not fitting. I'm not kidding on these legs anymore. No, I got thighs. I need to get to that point. Do you ever buy something that like when you try them on the store, it's a little bit too small, but you're like, I want to lose weight. I'll try them on this way. I've done that, yeah. It'll be fine. I have pants that I bought that I was too fat for, but I thought I was going to lose the weight and I've got them in my hemming pile. So I've hemmed them. So the length is right, but my ass is still not going to go into them. No, not at all. I've gone, oh, you know what? I won't buy these jeans because they fit perfect, but then I'll probably lose weight. So they'll be big. Are y'all those little waist, big butt? Yeah. My problem with pants is never my ass. It's my stomach. So y'all never, when you say your ass doesn't fit in, like I have a flat ass. I've never had that. Does that mean you like literally can't pull the pants up? I can't get them up my thighs. It's actually, my ass isn't the problem. That's what I was going to say. You have a tiny waist. Yeah. It's big in the waist, but it's, it's the butt. It's like. So getting a pair that fits in the waist and the butt and then take it in. Yeah. Well, the thing is I found these jeans and it says, make your butt look better. And I put them on and there's something in the way that they're designed. That it's, they're not like ass pants. I don't need it. I mean, if I had ass pants on, I'd be like, girl, you have a problem. You have a tumor in your butt. Can we talk about bringing booty back? Your butt has a butt. Oh my gosh. By the way, I have been doing that as a joke. How is it going? It's fine. It's good. I mean, sometimes it doesn't fly, but most of the time, I feel like it does better in I think about you every time because when it comes on the radio, I think about you. Because bro, that day I was talking, I was talking about those pop stars that have been singing about like Meghan Trainor's like, I'm bringing booty back. And Nicki Minaj is like, fuck the skinny bitches, Anaconda. And I was like, what are they? And Rose was like, I have news for you. Booty never left. It makes me laugh. I just think about you when I hear the song where you're just like, why are these skinny bitches singing about it's skinny bitches? Because they're like, we're not, you're not fat. Yeah. I mean, I love the song. It's catchy. Oh, it's catchy. I'll go. It's a good song. I don't get what I've got that bass. No treble has to do with fat thighs. I think that's supposed to be a metaphor for ass. I had no idea what it was about. I think bass. I think bass. Bass is supposed to be like your ass. I'll tell you something. It's not about that bass. And what's treble? And what's treble? I don't know. I don't know. Is this the treble? I don't know what the treble is. But I'll tell you something. What we're experiencing right now, you guys, what we're experiencing with that song is how Prince felt when Justin Timberlake said, I'm bringing sexy back. And he got mad. Prince is like, it never left. And he said, sex never left. So what we're experiencing is clearly how Prince was feeling when sexy back was on the air. Do they know who Prince is? Do we? Do we? Yeah. Do I know who Prince is? Yeah. He thinks you're too young. He's not a communist. He's the guy that sings that song that goes like. He thinks you're too young to know what. Oh, thank you. I know. It was a big compliment. No, it's funny. I didn't get it. I was like, what are you? I thought he thought we were like ditzy. He looked like a baby. No, you're not. Really? Yeah. What's the motto for Filipinos? I thought you were in your 20s. I know. No, doesn't it make you sick? I know. It does. Are you Filipino? God, brown skin is the way to go. There's a blackstone crack, but then what's the thing for Filipinos? Because that's like ridiculous. I got hit in the head though as a child. And that makes you look younger? I should have been laughing at that. Oh, you know what you should do? Hit your child in the head. It's like fountain of youth. You've got to look amazing. I snuck out to play on the swing set. They had that huge like hard brick. Back in the day. Remember that hard swing set? Yeah. And I tried to lift my legs up and it like came around and whacked me in the head. It almost knocked me out. And I always thought that's why I look so young. Like fuck something up in my brain so that I can't get older. Your self made Benjamin Button. Please don't let that info get out. People will be smacking themselves in their head. I know. That's going to be the fountain of youth shit. We've got a new product. We're going to bash you in the head. But it has to be an old like from the 70s swing set. They also say like, wasn't there one woman that was like, I take cum and I rub it on my face and it's so good for your skin. Oh my God. One of Chris's friend's wife told me that. Oh my God. She told me you should put pee on your face. I've heard of that. Baby. But it has to be infant pee. Baby pee. And she goes, I've been taking my 10 month old baby. And I go, okay, well. Are you fucking kidding me? I swear to God. I didn't want to talk about it on stage because she goes like this. I've been putting pee on my face. What? And I said, okay, well. I know pee is sterile, but that's still disgusting. No, I know. And I go like this. Now here's where I, she lost me because I go, well, how long have you been doing? She had really nice skin. I go, how long have you been doing? She goes, it's, it's really working. And I go, well, I've been doing it for two weeks. Okay. No bitch. No. Cause I don't know what you look like two weeks ago. And I have a feeling you look the same. Cause I have to be honest with you. I have zero desire to have a baby, but if it's have a baby or have, I want to have a baby. I'm willing to give up adult acne and deal with the child for the rest of my life. You have the prettiest skin. I do. I have, I have. Whatever you put on it. I compliment your skin every time I see you. Do I not? And you're always like, it's not that great. It is. It is. Every time. I was on Accutane, so I appreciate it. I did that too. I still got the pop marks from that. Accutane is really hardcore acne medicine from the inside out. Like dries out people's lips. And I've said, you know, they say that the side effects are depression, worthlessness and guilt. I'm like, what's the difference? Are you kidding? I'm not trying to freak you out, but I've heard infertility can be a side effect. Infertility. I've yeah. I used to have to sign, right? Remember you have to sign waivers. Like about, you know, not have a baby. You have to, you have to sign two methods of birth control. You have to take a survey. Before you're on it. Oh my God. Your doctor has to take a survey. Like it was like, ah, they're like, you need two methods of birth control and it can leak you feel suicidal. It could be like, okay, one of the things are you could withdraw from people. You could feel like, withdraw from your family. You could feel suicidal. I said, what's it from face cream? No, no, no. It's a pill. It's a pill. It's super strong. And all the pills have a pregnant woman with a crossing. Yeah. It's a little pregnant baby. And the guys have to do it too. Yeah. Because if a guy is taking Accutane, he gets a girl pregnant. Is that still, there's a 98% chance that your baby would come out mutated. With like six fingers on each hand. No way. And is, how is this good for you? But it would have great skin. But yeah, but your baby will have great skin. I said, what's the difference if I got depressed and kill myself before I'd have a close casket. It's a fight cause when I had to, it's a, oh my gosh. When they were like, what's your method of birth control? I was like, this is my method. Look at me. Pointed at my face. Oh no, we're done. I know, I know. I could do this all day. You gotta tell us where you guys are gonna be. Well, I wish I could talk more about this. I'm going to be working on a show called Sex Box on WE TV. That starts next week. Oh yeah. Where couples come on stage and have sex and then talk about it with therapists. They have sex in a soundproof camera free box. Really? Oh my God. Yeah. I want to be, I want to go to there. I really wanted to talk about it, but we ran out of time. Oh no. Will you come back? I'm starting next week. I'm gonna come back. It's gonna last for like a week. I'm gonna come back. I want to be, I want to go to there. I really wanted to talk about it, but we ran out of time. Oh no. Will you come back? I'm starting next week. I'm gonna come back. It's gonna last for like a month and then we'll see if it gets picked up. Okay, yeah, yeah. We'll have you back. Say your Twitter. Oh, at Mary Patterson B. I'm at, I am Jackie Gold. And if you missed that, you can go to Blame It On Ginger on Twitter and I've tweeted it out where you can follow them on Twitter. And we'll have you guys back. Yay, follow me. You guys come back at the end of November. Please do. I would love it. We'll have you back at the end. Thank you so much for having me. Sounds good. Thank you for having me. Good luck with your date tonight. Thank you. Oh yeah. Have a great time. Get a Mary Patterson. Get a Mary Patterson. Second date. Get the second date. Hope he's sane. I know. Hope he's not crazy. Call back, Stevie. We'll be back tomorrow on Blame It On Ginger. Bye. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Shaving. I want to live a life of sin. I wanna be like Ginger Lynn. La la dee, la la die. Surrendered to the force that lies within. I wanna be like Ginger Lynn.