Exploring submission with Winsome_Gypsy and caller PM

Hello people out there. Welcome to the Love Byte. We are here. It's me because I'm me. And then there's Nancy over there on the other side of the table. And then we got Gypsy. And we're having fun with headphones. That's what we're doing. So we're really excited because we have Gypsy as our guest. And she is a submissive on the Twitter. Her name is Winsome underscore Gypsy. And she's a very strong woman in her vanilla life. She's a very strong and capable career woman. And yet she still chooses to submit. Which, I mean, there's a lot of... You always hear about how submissive women, how many women are so weak and can't do anything for themselves. And, oh my God, I need someone to take care of me. Guess what? That's a myth. That's not actually true. Yeah, and I think it's one of those things where... It's always interesting. We could sit here and talk, you and I, all day long. An hour is just not enough for all the shit we have to say. However, it's always so much better when we have somebody, even an out-of-towner, that is willing to grace us with their presence in studio. So without further ado, I would like... I'm going to ask Gypsy to lower her mic and speak into it, baby. Hello. Oh my God, she's so adorable. She's so cute. I'm totally nervous. She's blushing. It's adorable. Oh my God, she's blushing. You have the rosy cheeks. Papa, she's blushing. It's so cute. I want to pinch them. Don't pinch me. It's not on my list. I don't do pinching. She's got the cute cheeks, but she's got the boobs. And... I kind of do have the boobs. Sorry. Get distracted by the boobs. Yeah. That's the way life goes, though. But welcome. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Am I talking too close to the microphone? No, you can mouth that microphone. It's all good. No, get closer. Get closer. You really want to be close. Okay. Look at me. So I'm totally close. And I'm totally nervous. It's all good. It's okay. I mean, we'll bite, but... Well, I won't bite. I would only bite, you know, with your sir's permission. Okay. That's good to know. Which, by the way, Papa, if you're listening, our phone number is 800-893-9562. In, you know, such case that you wanted to grant such permission, you know, just so that, you know, there's no funny business. Or you could text us. Or you could just call in and do whatever kind of special humiliation you would like to do on the air. We're good with that. That's not a hard limit, is it? We might be discovering limits tonight. This is exciting. This is exciting. This is exciting. So, you know, that's kind of... I was just saying before we got on the air, how has it really only been a week since our last show? It just really feels like it's been so much longer than a week. I know. It's been you guys. Because I feel like it was like yesterday. I remember pretending that I was doing other things and laying on my bed listening to the love bite. I love that. By the way, we totally encourage you pretending to do other things, but listening to our show, we encourage that. Under things? Hell yeah. Under things. There are other people that pretend to work and they're listening to our show. I mean, not live, they'll do a listen back. And I love it. And they'll be laughing and people will be like, what? And they're like, nevermind, you don't want to know. Yeah, I do that every single time that Jeremy emails us the link and I'm at work, I'm like, listen to this shit. Yes. Which is bad because I... Because you're supposed to be professional. I'm supposed to be really professional. Yes, yes. So professional. Professional. But that's kind of a good segue into, you know, in our professional life, we're not going to be doing anything. We're going to be doing something. We're going to be doing something. We're going to be doing something. We're going to be doing something. We're going to be doing something. We have a caller. Who could this caller be? Hello? Who could the caller be? Hello? Hello! I'm in a place. Thank you for calling. No, you probably haven't heard my voice before. Oh, oh my God. Well, hello, hello, hello, caller. Who aren't you? PM. Oh, hey! Hey! Hey! Everybody knows. PM from Marahi. Oh my God! It's so awesome to put like a voice to the Twitter handle. OMG. I'm totally having a moment right now. Well, thanks for calling. What can we do for you? I just wanted to say hi to all you lovely ladies. Oh, hello, you lovely lady yourself. Well, since we have you on the line, though, let me ask you this. Since we are on the topic of strong women submitting, do you view yourself as a strong woman? And if so, what about you makes you strong? You know, that's a very good question. I've had to fight for myself most of my life. Between foster homes, children homes. Being abused, I've had to learn to stand up for myself. And the worst thing or best thing anybody can ever tell me is I can't do something. Because I will do it to prove them wrong. And through all of that, you still choose to submit, but do so not feeling like you're helpless. How does that manifest? How does that work in your life? It is hard. But AP's not a sadist. He's not a mom. He tries. I find myself topping from the bottom a lot, which I try not to do. But for me, it's... I'm not serving. All I want to do is make AP happy. That is my one goal in his life is to make him happy, to make him proud of me. I don't know any other way to put it. It depends then for him to tell me I'm his good girl. And that he's proud of me. Sorry. No, oh my God, no. But that's true. And that sentiment and that raw emotionality, I think, is really going to resonate, especially with a lot of the submissives. Because that is true. I mean, I've certainly seen it in the eyes of Nancy when I've said, you know, good girl. You know, it's definitely one of the things where they... You can beam with pride or you can well with tears because it's a moment of, wow, I did it. So, yeah. And for you to be able... In my opinion, for you to be able to get that kind of satisfaction, that kind of fulfillment through submission, then that's all that matters. Is you're getting that satisfaction. Yeah. And that... For... We've been married 18 years. I've known AP since I was 14. For a large portion of our marriage, it was me who was in charge. I bought our house. I bought our car. I just got him to sign it. I'm the one that made the decisions. And that's... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. specifically? Oh, no, no, no. I won't do it. Maybe. That's fantastic. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I totally have chills right now because it just, and it's because everything you said is so true. It's so true. Absolutely. That, those, just that look and that good girl and that satisfaction, it's just, ugh, it's like a, it just makes my, what? It's your fix. Yes, it's my fix. It's like your heroin. Yes. It's like someone That was me smacking myself, my arm, not them. I'm too far to smack them. He has this app on my iPhone and his iPad and this Macintosh called Cozy that we can add things if he needs me to do something and he tells me all the time, you know, I don't expect you to get that list done every day and I look at him and I go, but it's the list of things you give me to do. If I'm not finishing the list, I'm not, I'm not doing what you want me to do. I have to finish the list. That's my goal because in my mind, that's what will make you happy. Well, can I say, like, personally, it's me, Gypsy, and one of the things I wanted to say is I heard you say earlier about poking fun at AP, about not making his decisions and taking a long time and that's one of the things I noticed about myself is that where I'm always, like, apt to help other people make a decision, I'll give them the good, the bad, you know, pros and cons for whatever decisions they need to make in their lives and I get often, like, greeting cards from people sending me, thank you so much for helping me with this and thank you for always being there for me and then I realized that over time, I'm not really there for myself often and I am, you know, a lot of my friends know me as this tough guy and I'm not that tall. I'm kind of, you know, like, I'm not that tall. I'm kind of, I'm kind of, I'm kind of, I'm kind of, I'm kind of, I've always got a ready smile and people think, oh, she's so sweet and cute and then they start to talk to me and they get to know me and they're like, oh, she's so tough, she's so badass and when I first told my friends that, like, I was interested in a little, you know, DS, BDSM, they were like, oh, we could totally see you as a dominatrix and I was like, maybe the outfits but that's about it, you know, that's not really what I'm doing and what I've been lucky enough to have is that the things that my friends that my sir, Papa, does for me is he helps me to put myself first in a lot of things that I do, making my decisions and where, like, giving AP a menu a week in advance, that is something that people would probably have to do for me or I would just ask the waiter, like, what do you think I should eat? Like, anything else is like quick, like, you know, someone, I'll get offered a job or something and I'll decide like in like two days, like, yeah, I'll take the job, I'll take the job. I'm moving in a week and a half, 600 miles away, I don't know anyone in that town, not one person, nothing, I don't know where I'm going to live and I'll get up and I'll move and I'll do and keep two apartments for six months until I make, I just make things happen but when it comes to like sitting down and even doing small things that benefit me, I can't make the decision, I won't stop, I won't do it, I just push it away until eventually it will make its own decision but what I've been lucky enough to have is, the things, the tasks that Papa gives me are a lot of times in my own benefit, like doing things for myself to make sure that I'm taking care of myself first. Right, and that's, not to interrupt you, just because that is part of what AP is working on with me now because I've been, I've always been the one to take care of everybody else, I've been a jack of all trades, I am the one that did all the home repairs, I grew up in a construction family, I built a wood shed on the side of the garage with no tools, well, no blueprints and insulated the basement by myself but now with losing the use of my hands, I've had to learn to give control over to AP and that's part of why he started tasking me with silly things like watching at least an hour of TV every day and I've been doing this for years and this is what I do every day because it forces me to stay still. It forces me. It's so sweet. It forces me. I don't get TV but there are like some days where he knows that I am a control freak and I want to know what I'm doing next or what the plan is, what the goals are and some days, he wrote to me one day and said that not every day is like a busy day, but every day, day with your hands. Like sometimes it's just a quiet day for your mind to sit and reflect. And I realized that I did need that. I had been filling my time with so many. I do a lot of like volunteer work. I do vanilla volunteering. Someone will say, hey, gypsy girl, do you want it? And I go, yeah, yeah, okay, let's do it. But the same thing, you know, I'm doing kinky volunteerism, which is really fun. But needing that like personal breaks for yourself are important. And that's one of the things that I get from being able to give over to the, you know, ultimate, whether you say ultimate or not, power to someone else. And that's really, and I really didn't even get into this for that aspect of it. Like it was more about the nasty, dirty, kinky, sex of it all. I was like, oh, look at that guy. And those giant hands and that scary guy beard, like let's do this. And then it turned into something completely different. And I couldn't, I don't, I'm pretty sure I couldn't be happier. Yeah. And the other thing that AP is teaching me is I am now accountable to him. We have a set date night, just the two of us every Tuesday. And it's, he told me it's my job to make sure I'm rested and I don't wear myself out and I'm ready to go. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, but that's, that's, it's the dominance responsibility to, you know, ensure the overall, you know, health, welfare, safety of their submissive. I mean, it's, that's what our job is. And sometimes that means we're giving tasks that they may not like, tasks that they don't expect. But it's, it's all for the overall concept that it's to develop them as human beings. Because, you know, we, we are going to have our life long after any given DS relationship ends. And the idea is to try and make it so that everybody can benefit, become better from whatever the situation was, as long as they're willing to learn from it. Well, yeah. Oops, sorry. I'm calling. Please continue to listen. And if you have anything to say, you know, feel free to tweet us up. I will. I can't tweet and listen to you guys at the same time on my phone, but I'll see if I can figure that out. But I'll at least listen. Groovy. Thank you. Thank you. Bye, ladies. Bye. So sweet of her to call. That totally, like, warmed my heart in this way that, like, I don't even know how to describe. Yeah, and she had, you know, good points. I mean, it's about that, that sense of satisfaction. Yeah. Which, you know, is one of those things that, to pose the question to both of you. Since discovering submission, how has it impacted your life? Well, let's see. I don't know. Like, I can't, I don't know if I can put a finger on it right now, but I'll try. I know that a couple of different things. One, having the relationship that I have. Yeah. With Papa is, like, very, it's given me a couple of different things. Like, the freedom to have a definitely intimate relationship with a person that is not, with a lot less responsibility of, like, a, like, a boyfriend or some sort of, that sort of relationship. So you can still have intimacy without, you know, being, you know, with someone that you don't see. Yeah. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. make a little joke and under my breath and say things to people that I was a creep. I was a pervert. And I was, I mean, you are a pervert. I am. I'm a creepy pervert. There's nothing wrong with that. But I always thought it was really bad. It was horrible. It was, you know, and I actually had someone say to me that they were like sad for me because of something they saw that I'd written. And they were like, I'm really sad about that. And I was like, yeah, like there's something wrong with you. Yeah, there was definitely something wrong with me. And so I pushed it back and I felt like terrible about my own personal desires. And since like discovering this lifestyle and not just necessarily the lifestyle, but actually immersing myself in it, I feel freer with my life. Like I'm not ashamed. I'm not embarrassed anymore about things that are going on. I don't go around like harassing everyone. I don't go around like harassing everyone with it and telling them, hey, you know what I was doing yesterday. You might see my bite marks. But I feel like just overall in everything that I do, I feel freer with myself. I also stand up for myself a little differently. I never minded like telling people off or saying things that maybe I shouldn't have said to people. But also with certain relationships with people that you're close to, like friends, and family members, you kind of pull back from saying things that might hurt them. But I think I feel like it's okay if you say something to someone that they may not want to hear and then just move forward from there. That may not, I'm not really sure if that's just the honesty that the relationship brings into your life and just makes you honest or not just the relationship, but the life that you have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. my opinion, being connected with what you know to be true about yourself. You know, we're kinky bitches. You know, that we like to slap people around or be slapped around or whatever it is. And being in touch with that and accepting of it. Because I was in touch with it young, but I was not accepting of it. But once I became accepting of it, there is a liberation to it. And it forces you to be a little bit more honest with yourself and with others. Maybe to their disappointment, but it does allow that kind of freedom. You're pointing at me with the rainbow pen. Yeah, cuz Gypsy talked. Yeah, you just got to. Okay, I'm here. What's strange is that I always have a really hard time with words and describing what, well not in written words, I don't know. It's really hard for me to express myself. Sometimes, but I know that for myself when, in the past year and a half, I've been given this opportunity to express this really strong desire in me in a way that I didn't have before. I didn't have an outlet for it. All I had was porn. Yay, porn. My imagination, but it was never something that I ever thought that this can actually happen for me. And what would this be like if it did actually happen? It's just, I didn't have a frame of reference. And now, I think about myself then and now, and I find that I'm slowly developing this ability to reflect and be more aware of myself. Yes. And what? I don't know, maybe it's cuz it's that journal, I make you write. Definitely, one of the things I remember, I was just on the phone, and Just reading, I've been like serving Papa now since last February. First, it was very informal because we hadn't met in person. And it was just one of those things. But I remember I looked back and I was going through some messages. And one of the things he said to me was that he found it refreshing. I don't know if I'm telling things. But he found it refreshing that I was very self-aware. Because I was self-aware already. But whether I saw the things I was saying and doing, it didn't mean I was addressing them appropriately. And that's what that journal does for you. I mean, it really makes you stop and sit down and think about what you're saying and what you're doing and just the honesty of your own life. Yeah, it is the journaling. It is. I'm not denying that it's... Journaling is fantastic. Everybody should. It's a journal. I mean, it's... I really used to blog, which was technically my journal. I'm blogless. Oh. I love blogs. No, but I mean, you know, it's different when you're telling yourself something versus telling someone else something. Because when those words leave your mouth or they get transferred to the other person, it makes it more real. Oh, definitely. It makes it a lot more real. And you wish there was an unsend? Yes. Oh, it's a receipt. It's a resend, but not a resend. A rescind. A rescind. Yes. Yes. Aye. Yeah. For reals. It's true. Sometimes. What has been the most challenging part about submitting as a strong woman or just submitting in general? This is a group. The... This is a group event. Oh. Everybody needs to participate. The most difficult part? Except for me because I'm not submitting. Ha ha. I'm Barbara Walters tonight. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. I'm Oprah motherfucking Winfrey tonight. Ha ha. Even though I'm really, really, really white. Ha ha. With that, since... Are you... Are you... Right? Well, yeah, I guess you could. It's cool. So you smoke, right? I'm... Ha ha. No? Okay. Let me stop. Ha ha. Can you guys answer the questions? Okay. The most difficult part? Um, for me... Ha ha. Sorry. I'm silly. Um, the most difficult part is, um, looking back at myself and seeing the things that I do, um, inappropriately. Nancy loves that word. Ha ha. That... And how they affect other people. Because, um, when you feel that you're submissive and I don't technically... I don't technically identify as a submissive. I am, um, Big Papa's, C9, my sir's submissive. But I don't go around, like, saying, like, I'm a submissive. Um, and not that there's anything wrong with that at all, but I'm one of these people who carries around two or three cell phones. I have a hard time, like, taking a label and sticking with it, but, um... So what do you consider yourself? I consider myself a creepy pervert who, um... Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. things that you do and say reflect on other people they affect other people and then in in within that relationship and within those different parameters they affect everyone who that those people are involved with and I think that's been probably the most difficult part for me that and edging yeah I could imagine I don't actually know but I could imagine it's not that it's not it's not the best thing actually you know what I always refer to it as like a beautiful agony because it's like so good and then you're so sad I punch walls I like No, but I mean, I think the, we don't live in a, in a vacuum. We, any time that even in, in poly situations, you know, any single relationship is going to impact all of them. It's a ripple effect. There's no way to avoid that. So yeah, I mean, that's, you think of how challenging a single relationship is, you know, you've got all this other, you know, dancing around with multiple relationships. So yeah, that would be, it is always a difficult one. Can I add one more thing that's been difficult? No, I'm sorry. You've exceeded your points. No, go ahead. That being quiet and waiting, like I said, about being, you know, being kind of a control freak and, and maybe that's where all my like volunteerism comes in and all my, you know, giving advice to my friends and always helping someone else is controlling all of the situations around me. And in this case, I'm not controlling every situation around me. I'm, and I have to, like, sit and be quiet. I have to sit with myself and wait. Or that might be when I end up blogging or writing something. And that also sometimes is really difficult for me, is not knowing what happens next, not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. When I wake up, what, two things. One, how is he going to receive my journal? Or what will be my task? What will be my tasks for that day? That sort of thing. Oh my God. It's like we're sharing a brain. Oh my God. Give me my brain back. Wow. What? No, it's just that I just can identify with so many of the things that you're saying. But I guess for me, what's really hard for me is that sometimes in wanting to please, Oh yeah. I like, I get a little, I get a, I get a little, I don't want to say it. Cause then what if you weren't thinking it? And then now I say it and then. This is too late. You got to say it. This is the problem with doing a podcast with your mistress. Predicting a bondage. Sometimes I want, I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. And if sometimes I want to do things to be pleasing and I want things to go in a certain way. So that what? Well, Oh no, I'm listening to this. Cause at this point, you've just turned into answering the interview question of, you know, uh, what's an area for improvement you have. And you're right now telling me sometimes I can't say no. So answer the question. That's totally, that was like totally perfect to be like, bitch, just answer the question. Okay. Um, so sometimes I, you know, I'm so nervous now. Um, so sometimes like if I'm thinking, I'll avert my eyes. Sometimes I'm thinking that, okay, I'm going to go through a, B and C so that I can give her D and she'll be so fucking pleased. And I'm so like, I want to do all of those things. It needs to go according to plan so that I can present her with this awesome thing. But in the process of getting so crazy about things going according to plan, I become a bitch and I become not. Not submissive. Yes. Or you make yourself crazy, you make yourself sick trying to, um, get to that point where you, where you know, it's like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. And it's going to be like totally awesome. And then, and then he, or in your case, she's going to be like, oh, you're, you're freaking great. And, but in the meantime, you've done all of these crazy things and they're like, oh my God, what, what the hell are you, can you just simmer down for five seconds? And quit freaking the hell out? Yeah. What kind of language am I using? Am I being inappropriate? You can fucking cunt bitch all you want. All the words? Yeah. It's the interwebs. Yeah, exactly that. I drive myself crazy. Trying to make, it can be something so super simple, something that did not require so much energy and so much stress, but I just decide that, no, no, no, that's too much. That's too much. That's too much. That's too Let's make this really hard. And let's make this kind of unpleasant for everyone involved because it's not going according to plan. Oh, no. And so, yeah, mistress is nodding in agreement. Yeah. I don't like this. This is not okay. Did you think I hadn't noticed any of that? No. You thought I hadn't noticed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just didn't know. Maybe you had noticed, but we hadn't ever like addressed it like this in this forum with someone else in the room. And then like here, what? Who we talking about? When you do crazy shit, I tell you to stop. Stop. And generally I'm like, how could this have been resolved? You could have asked me at any point. Asked for it. Asked for clarification or anything. And then the bitchy time, I think we know how that one ended. Yeah, that one didn't end so great. No. That one was bad. That didn't end well at all. No, she would have liked that. It was, you can go. You can stop what you're doing right now. Which let's face it, being dismissed like that, that sucks. That was the nicest thing I could say at the moment. I could not muster it any nicer than that. And I could not say it. And I could not say any, that was the nicest thing I could have said. Anything else I would have said would have just come out cruel. So that's all I said. That's how simple it gets. So we've had this conversation. How do you deal with anything other than positive? Disappoint. Anything other than positive? Yeah. Does this include neutral? No. I mean, but like, you know, anything that elicits like negative feelings. No, sometimes neutral feels negative. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. pouting and crying and pouting. And... Pout. Fucking drives me crazy. Well, luckily, my pouting is kind of long distance. Technically, yours is too. Let's smack that face. But, no, but, like, a lot of crying, a lot of freaking out, like, internally. And then I'll write about it. I don't know. And then, really, like, I hope that I try to fix it. Like, not, like, fix it right now. Fix what I'm doing. Fix it in the sense of fixing the situation between the two of us, but also, like, fixing whatever it is I've done wrong. And I'm pretty sure that I've been told the same thing more than once. But it doesn't mean that, like, I haven't learned from it and I don't try. I try to keep it, like, under control. And the thing is, with Papa, he's very much a communicator. Like, he likes... I'm not saying that he is available for immediate communication at all times, but he likes the honesty of things, even if it doesn't feel good at the moment to hear it or to say it. He's very much a proponent of honesty, of saying what needs to be said. And... See, he's so, like, my male twin. Yeah, he's, like, your... Yeah, exactly. Love him. He's totally freaking awesome. Like, beyond. Teddy bear. I just see teddy bear. Uh-huh. Teddy bear with, like... Did you see his molar marks on my boob? No. The teddy bear with teeth. I need to see this at some point. I don't see teddy bear when I see him. I see teddy bear, but, like, you know, with one arm behind his back, like, holding a knife or something, you know? Or an eye play. I feel like he gives, like, awesome hugs. Does he give awesome hugs? Does he give awesome hugs? Does he give awesome hugs? Does he give awesome hugs? Does he give awesome hugs? Does he give awesome hugs? He does. He does give awesome hugs and amazing kisses. Yes, you have talked about his kisses. Hi, Papa. Okay, sorry. Simmer down. You guys are gonna have me in here being inappropriate. It's a kinky sex podcast. Okay. We want inappropriate. Okay. Well, I'm inappropriate in general, but... Right? We discussed this already. No, but definitely, he does give good hugs. He gives awesome hugs. He gives good kisses. He also gives amazing feedback. He gives good, just good vibes and good everything. Energy. Yeah, he has great energy. He's a good person. For an evil man who does horrible things to people, he is surprisingly a wonderful person. See? They're not mutually exclusive. Not at all. And, no, but he's really good at... You know, giving you feedback. And because we don't see each other, like, daily or even once a week, sometimes we have to have hard talks, like, when we're together to play. And sometimes, like, it's a surprise that I'm getting a hard talk. And then I'm like, what? What did I do? I'm perfect. I'm a good girl. But then sometimes I'm like, yeah, I remember that. I know. I know exactly what you're talking about. And I'm sorry that I'm... You're like, I knew that would happen. Yeah. You didn't come to bite me. So, but at the same time, I get a lot of personal feedback on things. Even something, like, as small as, I'll say this, maybe late summer, early fall, like, I was, like, in a frenzy of just life. Like, I was doing vanilla volunteering. Kinky volunteering. A lot of work. Friends. Going out. Going to, you know, like, going to the dungeon, like, a couple of times a month. Just doing parties all the time. Way too much. The same way in college. Just, like, constantly. Study groups. Parties. Tutoring. All kinds of things constantly. And I wasn't eating. And I, one day, like, I was, like, the end of the day came. And I'd been, like, three nights in a row. To, like, either munches or a party or a slosh or something or another. And then, it was, like, the fourth night, I was going to some sort of another something. And he, like, sent me a message. And he was, like, your tasks are done for the rest of the day. You're done. Go home. Get something to eat. And go to sleep. And I was just, like, but I have to go to the geeks munch. And he was just, like, no. No, you don't. It's, like, you need to go home and go to sleep. And I realized that I was burning myself out. I was burning myself out. And I was, like, I was exhausted. And I didn't have any food in my refrigerator. I didn't have, like, I was just really doing way too much. And he told me at that point, like, I want you to eat three times a day. And it was one of those, like, in-person talks. He's, like, I'm not a person who puts any restrictions on a person's, like, body or anything like that. But you need to eat food. Because eating olives and drinking Pepsi at 9 o'clock at night for the first thing that day is not healthy. It's not okay. And I don't, seeing him himself, he didn't want me getting sick from running around. And then, you know, worried about doing my tasks and that sort of thing. So I went home and I was, like, okay. And I fought against it, like, just, like, mentally. Like, I'm fine. I'm a grown-up. Right. You know, I can do this. I know what I'm doing. And I went home and I literally crashed out. And I slept the whole night. And I got, I was, like, okay, I'm going to do what he asked me to do. I'm going to go get some food. I put food in my refrigerator. I did all these things. And I started eating on a regular basis. And I told my friends, I was, like, yeah, like, Papa gave me, like, a food thing. And they were, like, oh, you're not allowed to eat. And I was, like, no. I was, like, you're supposed to eat three times a day. Exactly. And you know what happened when I started eating three times a day? I lost two pant sizes because my body started working properly. And that was the thing. I was, like, oh, hey, look at my new plus-size skinny jeans. I look fresh. But, like, that was the thing is, like, all of these things, they're hard for you to accept or to take or to hear or listen to. But in the end, they made my life. They make your life. They make your life better. It doesn't mean that you need someone to take care of you or you're a weak person or you're not, you know, successful or any of those things. But sometimes you need someone to, like, who's on the outside of your body and your mind to tell you, to help you find the things that you need. And I think that it's also a reflection, both sides, the D and the S, because where he's looking back at me and helping, you know, helping me grow, I think that. I hope that when I respond to him in honesty or get the message or grow in my own way, I think it also has an impact on him as well. Yeah. No, I mean, I can tell you it does. You know, the frank and honest conversations that I have, which, you know, I try to have them. There, you know, there are moments when it's a moment of enlightenment for the Ds. There's a moment of enlightenment for the D type where you're like, yeah, I guess that is true. That's something I need to work on because nobody's perfect. Nobody has flaws. Nobody has flaws. Nobody is flawless because I can speak. But your point, Gypsy, segues into how do you not talk from the bottom? I'm not into it. I'm very much in life. I talk from the top. Like. Whenever. And things I'm doing. I am one of the leaders of a femdom group in which I'm not technically in any way a femdom. But I appreciate it. I have topped a couple of times in play. I don't consider myself to be a top or even a switch necessarily. But I talk from the in life and even just in the community. If I'm topping, I'm topping from the top. I'm not going to pretend something or act out to get something else. I talk from the top. Like when it comes in, maybe it's just because it's him. And I know you see a lot of people say like, oh, I only submit to a select few. And it's not. And I'm not saying that as like some sort of, you know, I'm better or I. It's a challenge to get me there. Submissives should only submit to the. To whom? To those. Exactly. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's just what it should be. But I'm not saying it in that sense. Like, oh, I'm, you know, I only submit to a select few. I don't mean it that way. What I mean is. I totally get a snotty bitch vibe from her. I am totally a snotty bitch. I am. Oh my God. I am. But I'm also cute. So I get away with it. Fucking hell. I'm a zor. And I get away with being a snotty bitch all the time. No, but in all honesty. Like when I first kind of showed up on the scene, like, and it wasn't even really a scene thing at first. It was just kind of like cyber scene. And I got, I had a lot of people, like a lot of men immediately like, oh, you're sub. Oh, what do we, let's. And I was like, oh, yeah. And then even locally, like I had a few people approach me like, oh, I'd like to play. And I was like, I don't even know your name and you don't know my name. Like, what do you mean you'd like to play? That sort of thing. But it might be just because like I found a person who treats me respectfully like a human being is knowledgeable in what he does is a good person. He's intuitive. There's a connection. And maybe that's why, like, I don't have to talk from the bottom with him. Not only do I not have the desire to do it, I don't have to do it with him. At all. I think that most submissives don't want to talk from the bottom. I think that it happens to be a natural progression for when they feel that their needs are not being met consistently. Or they don't feel that the D type is handling their D-ness, whatever, as well as they might desire, whatever. So it ends up being a situation, which generally means just not a very good fit. It could. It could mean that. But it also could mean that. The person. The person just doesn't want to give up that control. Maybe they're not there for the reason that they think they're there. Which is still a bad fit. Yeah, definitely a bad fit. Definitely. I'd agree. But I just, I don't know. I don't have the desire to talk from the bottom. I don't think that I could talk from the bottom. Not just because he's kind of got a lot of control over me. Got his eyes open. But also because I just, I don't think I could do that to him. Like, I wouldn't, I don't want to play games with him. He's a great person. And I, like, this is, like, kind of fitting, like, that I'm here right now. Because it's been about a year. And I remember, like, just recently thinking back last year that I had no, and he and I actually talked about it recently. I didn't, I had no idea that this would happen. And, like, that I would not be here with you two lovely ladies. But, I mean, just in general, like, I remember thinking or reading all this, like, filthy erotica. Watching these, like, Googling disgusting things. I like saying disgusting things. On, you know, trying to find all this nasty porn and things like that. And then when I ran, when I came across him, I was like, ooh, what was that? I know that. I know these words. And I'm going to find out about it. And so, when I asked him, just kind of like, oh, hey, you know. And he does this big pop of thing. He perved me and was like, I was going to some pictures, girl. And I was like, yeah. And that's the other thing. Is something, I don't know what it is about him. But people have asked for dirty pictures all the time. And I was like, your mother will send you dirty pictures. But. Your mother will send you dirty pictures? What the fuck? I love your mother. I love saying that to people. No, but that was one of the things. Is I remember, you know, I immediately was like, let me get into my office, like, bathroom. And I'm like, stripping down and taking pictures. And it just happened. But we had a discussion about it recently. And I said to him, like, I really remember thinking that I was going to get my fix. Play with this guy. And get what, you know, what I wanted. And that would be the end of it. Yeah. And not just, like, because I was going to walk away from it. But I didn't think that he was, you know, interested in doing anything outside of, you know, playing one time. And we'll both move on with our lives. But I don't know. There was some reason. There was a connection. And it's lasted a year later. We're still doing this. And I'm happy. And I'll sing a song and do a dance. Aww. Can I be a topless? Yes. Then I'm in. Oh, what is that? Like, are we showing boobs in here? We can show boobs. Look at these. This is. Holy mother. What is that from? From Papa Teeth. Teddy Bear with teeth teeth. Oh, teeth on the boobs. Molar. There was a molar prince. That's pretty hardcore. Yeah. He decided he wanted to go for the molar marks. And so. Hey, you know. This one. And actually, I don't know if you can tell. She's showing us a tit boobs. Yeah. Yeah. They're fantastic. I know. Brown boobies are freaking awesome. Well, there's that. So. Okay. So this bruise here on my left boob is actually on top of a bruise from last month still. Wow. And then this too. Your bruise is last. I have a bruise on my thigh from last May, the first time we played. It's not a bruise anymore, actually. It's just a mark left from the original bruise. He likes to make a commitment with those teeth. Good job, sir. Good job. And he's got a beautiful. He's got a beautiful smile too. He does. And those teeth are a warning. The smile is, it's like, the better to eat you with, my dear. The big bad wolf. That's him. I just don't want a hug from him. That's all I want. He'll give you a great hug too. He's a really good hugger. I would like that. But that's it. Because he has a penis. Ew. Ew. Ew. It's a pretty awesome penis. I think you've seen. I think you've seen. Because Gypsy showed us the video. No, I didn't watch. You didn't watch. I didn't watch. Was that amazing? I know, yeah. I didn't watch the video because, precisely because there was penis involved. It's very difficult to block out the penis from that particular video because it's really the focus of the video is the penis. Yeah. It's a lot of penis. No. A lot of penis. Let's not do that. It's actually beautiful. It's a beautiful penis. She's getting it out. She wants to show it to you again. No. Don't do that. You have to see it. It's gorgeous. We're on the subject. What? What? What? Yes? No, not a penis. No? I'm actually changing the subject. How do you not top from the bottom? Oh, dear God. This is entrapment. I think it's entrapment if you don't know who you're talking to. I'm not saying I'm not a cop and asking you if you're a hooker. I'm a cop. Are you a hooker? So it's not entrapment. Yeah, but you're my mistress and you're asking me about. How do you not top from the bottom? You know what? I don't know. I really don't know. Because. That's an honest answer. And the reason I don't know is because a lot of times I feel. I'm very emotional. I'm super. No. I'm a super emotional person. This is shocking. You guys are mean. But so sometimes I just. I get a little frazzled. And I start confusing my needs with my wants. And I just. I feel myself going into a. Frenzy and I want it now. And I want it now. And I have to have this. I must have this. How can I make it so that I can have this? What do I need to say? What do I need to do? Is there some bargaining that we. What's going on? Tell me. Tell me how to barter. And obviously that doesn't work. Because it doesn't happen. But I don't know. I'm still. I'm still trying to figure out how to be able to tell the difference. Between when I'm topping. When I'm trying to. Trying to top from the bottom. And when I'm just genuinely. Just being a little batshit crazy. Does that make any sense? It does. And. I. There's. There's a phrase. You should memorize. Let me get my pen. Mistress if it pleases you. I would like a spanking this evening. This week. This month. Mistress if it pleases you. I would like to kiss. Your feet. Mistress if it pleases you. Mistress if it pleases you. Is how you are making a request. Easy peasy right? Yeah. Very easy. Not. I want. What if I should go through some of those texts. Or no. I want this. No. I want that. No. No no no. Why would you do that. And then. And then my reply. Which I probably put her in tears. No. You don't want that. I mean. No no. You know. Yes you want that. You don't need that. Oh. She was just. It was a silence from her. She was very sad. She was a little sad. None too. But I think. I think I know why you were sad. Not because you didn't get it. Because. You realized. By the answer. That you'd done something. That was not. Yes. No no. I get that. Right. I get that. Yeah. I totally get that. Oh my god. Yes. Yeah. I can. Like. Like I find myself. Being. Like. Like. Like. I feel a little. Like. Odd. About who I am. Currently. Because. I find myself. Breaking into tears. Over something. That I've done. That. I generally. Wouldn't. Have cried over. If someone. Said something. Like. I'm. Well known. For being. Kind of. Honest. And. So. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. feel like they're stupid and I hate them and I want them to go away but now when I if I say something just small and I realize that it upset him or hurt his feelings or someone else that it feelings that it hurt or upset that it kind of rippled back to him because and I'm like I'm like I find myself I'll break into tears like I can't believe I did that and it makes you more responsible for your actions and the things that you do your behavior overall right I don't know I don't like disappointing I don't like I know I don't like eliciting anything other than positive so it really sucks when you realize you did that and you didn't even know you were fucking up but then oh look you fucked up yeah yeah but you have to you have to also see that it's our job to tell you you fucked up yeah I guess but still nobody likes that especially me because I want to be perfect all of the time well I mean there's a lot of people that have you know this perfectionist desire yes but the truth is there's there's nobody perfect period everybody and I told you this I told you this in the beginning you will fuck up and you will disappoint me yeah you did I told you that flat out in the beginning you will fuck up and you will disappoint me and then she didn't like it this won't be this won't it won't be once it won't be twice it'll happen again and again I didn't say but I just said you know and it's and I and what I said is and it's not the end of the world yeah but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like it though I get that it totally fucking feels like it I get that it totally and then there's like times where I'm like oh my god this is me to the end oh my god I don't ever tell you because like I don't want you to freak out but I totally feel like I already had one of those yeah but like I always like some people don't like it but I don't want to freak out but I totally feel like I already had Sometimes they have those like freak out moments where I'm like, oh my God, what if this is that one fuck up? What if this is that fuck up that totally hit like a chord? And like, it just means just, oh my God. And I can't handle that right now. Oh my God, what would I do? What would I do? Who would I lean on? Where would I go? Who would I talk to? I have been there. What else feels go back to your contract? If you didn't violate any of the clauses of the contract, you're not gonna be immediately dismissed if you've never been punished for something. Yeah, I realize that, but I'm like talking about the freak out. Yeah. I'm just trying to give you something logical to back up. But I understand I'm talking to an emotionally rational person. So it's difficult for me to tell you the logical thing for you to do. Thanks, mistress. Say it with a smile, bitch. You were gonna say something, sorry. No, I don't remember exactly. I think I had a couple of different things on my mind about like disappointing one. And then also again, with topping from the bottom, I think it might be a really different dynamic between two women. As opposed to a man and a woman. Even someone as sensitive and intuitive as a big papa, he still is a guy. And there are things that he may not catch, like subtleties that I think very definitely the two of you, the communication, there's nothing, I don't think there's anything that you could sneak past her. Well, yeah, there's nothing I can sneak past her, but I'm pretty sure that at least on my end, I like totally overanalyze things. What does she mean by that? Oh, she smiled at me in that way. Does that mean that she thinks that that applies to me? I can't, that actually has happened a couple of times, right during this hour. I know. Oh shit. Now I need to like listen back and like, okay, which what was it? What was it? What was it? Oh my God. Any who. The sadism never ends. No, no, it doesn't. Well. We are out of time. Yes. How easy was that? It was totally easy. You were totally nervous. I was really nervous. And I am a little bit sad that my hair is like smushed right now. Because of the headphones. Because of the headphones. But outside of that, this is like totally fun. Yeah. And I'm glad that I got to like, you know, think about some things and say them out loud and be in this really cool building with all this like black walls. And like, you know, like walls and fancy paintings. And it's pretty fancy. Yeah. Like logos and such. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. Skid Row Studios is pretty awesome. And a really cute girl behind the booth. Yeah. And a guy with totally long eyelashes. Yes. We remember that. Ooh. But. But you, so you have a blog and that website is? I do. It is really easy. It's just the winsomegypsy, all one word, .com. Perfect. Check her stuff out. Yeah. She writes some good shit. She does. She does some good shit. But in quick for our little blogosphere, you can check us out, obviously skidrowstudios.com. Jeremy's been really good about getting our stuff up usually by the next day. Yes. Like us on the Facebook. Yeah. Follow us on the Twitter, the underscore love, underscore B-I-T-E. You might wanna follow that one cause it's got some Fuck Toy Friday treats that you might like. Yeah. Just one out there. Yeah. It has some that sometimes could also possibly make you wet. That was it. That's okay, we're cool. Yeah, subscribe on iTunes and then on Stitcher. And that's it, we'll be back next week because we got used to this actual hour thing. Right? Okay, bye. Thank you. .