📄 Transcript [show]
Hi, this is Jello Biafra.
Which would you rather have?
A pint of booze if you're a recovering alcoholic, or a pint of cacophony no matter what or who you are?
Speak into the mic, bitch.
Say that into the microphone.
Keep on rockin' in the free world, and I mean rock, not hop-bunk.
Not indie poo.
Not middle-of-the-road, Miley Cyrus-y dreck.
You're a freak with a microphone.
Oh, my, my.
My name's Dan, and my keyboard doesn't have any batteries.
Oh, no.
Happy New Year, guys.
Happy New Year.
Hey, what's up, Jeremy?
Jeremy's here.
Long time no see.
Happy New Year.
Skid Row Studios.
Yeah, we're here at Skid Row Studios.
We have Kim in the creative here.
She's going to come on in a little bit right now.
Matt's sitting across from me.
How was your New Year?
It was great.
It was great.
How was yours?
It was pretty good.
Solid.
Yeah?
A little party?
A little party, yeah.
Yeah, some chill time, some time off work, finally.
It was cool.
And welcome to Kim and Her Creations.
Today we have Matt and Dan.
Hi.
You guys are going to compete.
I have Her Creations here.
We're competing?
Yeah.
On the computer.
Sure.
So you got to tell me what this creation is, and we'll just answer from there.
Okay.
Okay, are you ready for the first one?
Here's creation number one.
Ten years ago, people said to me, they said, how can I get rid of children?
Uh-huh.
The answer is band saws.
Band saws?
Yes.
Gotcha.
Child-sized band saws.
I can't even see them.
That's pretty good.
All right, all right.
Next creation.
Ah, I see.
Okay, okay.
These are the, they're like little, small robotic little frog things, right?
But they have teeth, and they're for removing herpes and crabs.
Just let them get on there, and they'll nibble away?
Yeah.
They'll nibble away, just like scrubbing bubbles?
I buy it.
You're good to go.
Yeah.
Next creation.
Dan, you ever see the intestines of a donkey?
Nope.
As it's traveling through space?
No.
Can we?
Can we please?
This machine plays you the sound of the inside of a donkey as it travels through space.
So you sit there, and you put the headphones on, and just...
You have to insert a microphone.
Can we crank it?
Can we crank that?
It's literally a microphone you just stick into a donkey.
Creation's done.
Ah, okay.
This is the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Oh, okay, I see.
This is a heart monitor.
It keeps your heart beating at this steady pace by demonstrating a steady beat for your heart to follow, but you have to hear it too all day.
Sorry.
This is the sound I first heard when I tried to have sex.
This is...
How many more of these fucking things are there?
There's that one.
There's that one.
And there's that one.
I wish these were all the same sound.
Explain this.
Explain this.
It's a Green Goldberg machine.
The human centipede is a Green Goldberg machine.
That's what it is.
Holy Christ.
Okay, thank you very much.
Jesus, I went to a badass show.
We went...
I went to a badass show.
Well, you guys aren't even fucking here.
Where's Joaquin?
He's out there somewhere.
We went to see Slow Season, Zig Zags, and Slow Light down at the bootleg.
What the fuck day was that, Friday?
That Friday was awesome.
It was so cool.
That was a cool show.
We're going to play a whole block from those Writing Easy Record fellows coming up right now, and I want to just announce, these guys emailed me from the Fontaines, and they look like they got a really cool residency going on at the Silver Lake Lounge.
It says a tribute to Cameron Crowe.
That's basically the fifth.
I guess there's one after.
This is the third episode of this episode.
Bobby, T, and Walter.
The 12th is Girl Tears, who are playing tonight.
You should check this out.
We're going to post it on the page.
I think I already did.
Anyways, it's a...
It's a...
We're sitting here.
Cam's coming on.
Let's play some fucking music.
Check out my cool picture.
It is me with an elephant.
Very cool.
I like it.!
This music, the music, the music, the music, the music, We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Hey Dan.
Yeah?
It's Kim and the Created.
I know.
guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo music music I live in a world where nothing works I'm a hypocrite and I don't give a shit Time after time I've had it all I'm throwing darts at a map you know To mark the places I'll never go Time after time I've been there Noticing the stranger Noticing the stranger And showing them the door I live in a world Where billboards talk And all my friends Are outlines in shock Time after time I've lost my cool I'm coming down With the flu for years While signing off With a happy cheers With a happy cheers While I owe What is it mine Noticing the stranger Noticing the stranger And showing them the door Noticing the stranger Notice the stranger Notice in the stranger, notice in the stranger, and showing him the door.
Notice in the stranger, notice in the stranger, and showing him the door.
Everybody, rock your body, everybody, rock your body, rock your body.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Soon I let all the dreams out fly by.
Now I've got no place to go.
Baby saw me, she just drove by.
Said it'd be my time to grow.
There's nothing to say, it seems no matter.
Maybe I should just stop and breathe.
Maybe my skin just needs to get tougher.
Stop wearing the hat and sleep.
Cause every time I think that it's all over I really think I've believed I ask myself if I should go now Put the fire back into me Yeah, yeah Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well or should we be?
Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well or should we be?
Let the reckless summer tell me That I need my situation straight Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well or should we be?
From the bottom of the world some told me But I never looked down on you Just got your head up so wide Don't look down on those like you do Cause every time I think that it's all over I really think I've believed I ask myself if I should go now Put the fire back into me Yeah, yeah Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well or should we be?
Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well or should we be?
This is all well, but someone tell me That I need my situation straight Excuse me, excuse me Is this all well, but someone tell me This is all, but someone tell me It gives me, it gives me It's a somewhere I should be Excuse me, excuse me It's a somewhere I should be It's all right when someone tells me I need my situation Excuse me, excuse me It's a somewhere I should be It's a somewhere I should be Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he'd put on a dress and play a girl bunny?
No.
No.
I'm telling you, baby, you're stuck in my head You've been trying to talk, but I'm going to bed All the good reasons, you're making me cry You've been telling me Street sin is making you die All of these people Are making me die I told you honey I want you to bow God damn your music Is making me shout God damn this woman She's freaking me out I told you baby You're going to bed There's something about you That's stuck in my head We went down to the street And we're making the noise You were talking to me But she was talking to boys All of these people Are making me die I told you honey I can't go through I'm hearing no sound All of this music Is making me shout God damn this woman She's freaking me out I told you honey I want you to bow God damn your music Is making me shout God damn this woman She's freaking me out God damn this woman She's freaking me out God damn this woman She's freaking me out Oh, Ray, why do you make me so bad?
Come on, because you a bad girl.
Okay.
I'm going to work it.
Yeah, work it.
I'm going to make this mine.
It's all yours.
I'm going to piss on your face, and then I'm going to fart in your mouth.
Yeah, and then I'm going to shit on these walls, Ray.
Hey.
Too dirty?
Yeah.
Candy Doll says it's not so bad.
Candy Doll says it's not so bad.
Kevin's gonna save your soul Welcome back to A Planet of Cacophony.
My name is Dan Badgeniller.
We're sitting here with Kim from Kim and the Created and Matt, Matt Briseau.
And Fear.
He's a comedian and Joaquin's lurking with the camera, taking pictures of the walls.
Joaquin.
Being a Peruvian.
Hey, I really want to ruin Sons of Anarchy for Joaquin.
He's so far behind.
Kim, have you seen it?
I don't watch TV.
Oh, okay.
All right, next week, we'll figure something out for Joaquin.
But we're gonna play a game.
I thought games were fun, and this is just straight terrifying.
I know you're freaking out, and there's like papers over here, and there's like a one and two behind door, one and two.
I don't really know what's going on, but let's hit it.
A Planet of Cacophony presents...
Describe This Shit.
Today on Describe This Shit, Team 1, Nicolas Cage's Blumpkins with Alex as Matt's describer, versus Team 2, the Frau Blucher, with Kim as Dan's describer.
666.
Long intro.
It's scary.
I think we got this.
So it's me and you, Kim, versus these two fuckfaces.
I think we got this.
You're going down!
Yeah, fuckfaces do.
Wow, you big, disgusting Americans.
I found a lucky dollar on your floor, so I guess I'm gonna win.
I wouldn't really rub that with your hand.
Yeah, you might want to wash your hands.
I forgot that.
The show made a profit.
I'm so white!
All right, let's do this game.
All right, so me and you, Matt, we're first, right?
We're gonna describe the video.
Okay, so what's gonna go on is we have a TV in here that we can't play because we'll get pulled off the internet, but we can see it inside.
They're gonna play YouTube.
Don't look.
Do not look, Matt.
They're gonna play YouTube clips on there, and me and Matt are gonna be blindfolded, and our respective teeny mates are gonna try and describe what's on the screen.
At the same time?
No, no, we're gonna take turns.
Oh.
And if you get it wrong, there is a punishment that Cheyenne has prepared.
They're sitting here marked one and two.
I'm not really sure what the fuck they are.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, here we go.
Let's go for it.
Who's going first?
Me and Matt.
Okay, Matt's gonna say it.
Matt first.
Okay, oh, this is adorable, dude.
Very adorable.
That's so helping him.
These are cats.
Okay, so it's a dog.
Can I have this?
What is this?
Okay, it's superheroes.
It's a very popular show from the 1960s.
It only lasted two years.
Batman and Robin.
It's a very famous guy, Adam West, playing Batman.
Oh, God, I just gave it to you.
You totally.
Do you guys suck at this?
Oh, my God, cheers.
You're like, there's a dog, and there's a picture of a dog, and then there's Batman.
So, last year's a family, okay?
Okay, so.
That's a punishment.
Fuck you guys.
All right, all right.
That's a punishment.
What number did they get?
One or two, Cheyenne?
What do you want to give them?
Two.
What punishment?
I'm sorry, Matt.
Two?
Your punishment is number two.
Number two.
Number two.
Doesn't he need lyrics?
Listen, what?
We got two in here, right?
Oh, it's for them, because they lost.
We have our own coming up.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry.
Was it good?
Do you have yours?
You good?
I don't have lyrics.
Cheyenne.
Do I have lyrics?
No.
Hold on.
I'm going to go get them.
I'm just going to go get them.
All right, so what is the punishment?
It looks like we have lyrics.
We have to sing a song together, clearly about each other.
I guess we are going to have to perform in some way.
This is Olivia.
I said no, and you're making me.
I fucking weaseled my way into it, and I knew it was going to happen.
I planned this all along.
I knew when I walked in the hallway, and it smelled like a dentist's office, that there would be fear, and I was going to do something I didn't want to do.
Did you say it smelled like a dentist's office?
A little bit.
That's relieving, because usually it doesn't smell like a dentist's office.
That's the potpourri.
It's dentist.
No, I'm just kidding.
Dentist.
Alex, you ready?
Yeah, we're ready.
Okay, let's hear the shit.
Is there background music?
Of course there is, dude.
What is this?
This is You're the One That I Want.
Oh, let's hear it, boys.
Here we go.
I got chills, they're multiplying.
Oh, God, I don't want to sing.
And I'm losing control.
I got fucking chills.
Because the power you're supplying, it's electrifying.
Zap.
Did you say zap?
Yeah.
Zap.
Dude, they're going to do the whole song?
Fuck.
We don't have time for this.
Yeah, I know.
Get up.
All right, that's enough.
I think we're good.
I don't know if we're good.
Zap.
All right.
That's all I got.
So can we move on to the next clip?
Let's move on.
All right.
Zap.
Can I see where it says zap?
It doesn't say zap.
There's no way it fucking says zap.
Where does it say zap?
Where does it say zap?
It says electrifying, obviously.
Zap.
Zap.
Zap.
Zap.
Man, I was trying to go Neil Young.
I was trying to go Neil Young because I heard you're Bob Dylan.
Yeah, and it's all, yeah.
And I couldn't do it.
I just, I couldn't do it.
There's no zap.
There's no zap on this paper.
Okay, so here we go.
All right, I'm ready.
Oh, God.
You're about to be presented with your video.
Trying to fix my fucking headphones.
Focus, Dan.
Focus.
We just got to get real blindfolds.
This is so stupid.
We never have blindfolds.
Here's a dollar to your ears.
And we blind people on the show.
We have blind people on the show all the time.
Blindfolds for you guys.
Thank you.
We blind people all the time and we don't have fucking proper blindfolds.
I love your bullet, Dan.
I love your mullet.
Ready?
My flannel mullet.
I'm sure the sex show before the show has blindfolds.
I feel like I have a flannel mullet.
Here we go.
You know, cushions, blindfolds.
Here's your video, Kim.
Okay.
All right, Kim, we got this.
I'm zoned in.
Most people in Orange County do it.
What?
Oh, dude, they douche it up.
They, it's like the last one, sort of, the same type of thing.
The second word is.
The second word is like the same thing.
Man.
It's like surfing but on concrete.
Skate man.
Yes, but skate what?
Skate boy.
But like the last show.
Like the last one.
Skate man.
Like not the Batman.
Batman what?
Like the last one.
What?
Like not a cat and not a bird.
But a skate man.
But a skate.
Oh my God.
You're just fucking with me.
Like you know the answers.
Skater.
Skater.
Skate.
Skateboard.
Skate.
Skateboard what?
Skateboard cat.
Skateboard dog.
Skateboard dog.
Skateboard dog.
Skateboard dog.
Skateboard dog Skateboard bulldog Skateboard dog Skateboard dog He said it We win Wow Did you know Dan?
Oh like the first one Because there was a dog Oh my god Nice Did you know the whole time?
No Honestly I was super good at it Honestly I saw dark And then she was saying Skateboard skateboard And then she said like Batman All I could picture was Fucking Batman doing badass shit And I got confused You're like badass shit Badass shit We got one more We got more punishments I know that Yeah You just want to punish me That's all that it is You're like no Let's have you guys do it One more time We're going to do one more So let's have you guys do one One more Since we have our guest here This time This time he describes it Oh do you Alright Okay You want to just cover your face Or you can just turn Turn this way Yeah there you go Perfect I trust you Alright over here on the screen Yes Dan you have to get her To say the name of the video The name of the video What the fuck does that mean Just describe to her the video And she would get it Okay What?
Here we go Just roll with it She's not looking Yeah Okay Don't look Here we go Okay Okay Alright Are you ready?
No Okay okay So Okay so Dolphins Babies Wait Cry baby Cry baby Hwa Crying wolf.
What?
I have disgraced my father.
I'm so...
I don't know.
The pressure is getting to me.
Crying?
Different things.
Say more things.
It was Ninja Baby.
That's how we're watching again.
I believe the countdown was not the same length of time.
I think it was the length of...
See, Ninja Baby.
I've never seen Ninja Baby in my life.
I had to describe the title.
She's like...
I don't watch TV.
I don't watch YouTube.
I've never heard of Ninja Baby.
That's adorable.
You just wanted to punish me, so let's just do it.
What is the punishment?
Give it to me.
Yes.
Your punishment is singing number two.
Or number one.
I'm sorry.
And the verse is highlighted.
Just give me a second.
I need my seats.
I don't...
Hold on.
I feel like I gotta put my feet on the ground for this one.
Get grounded.
Get your diaphragm up.
It's like the highest pitch thing that's ever existed.
I feel like I have to...
I cannot do high pitch.
We're ready, Dan.
We could go really low.
Oh, Nick.
No.
You ready?
It starts kind of fast.
We should both do it like that.
Okay.
Are you ready?
Right here, Dan.
Yeah, let's do it.
Right here.
I got you.
I got you.
I feel so real Lying here With no one near Only you And you can hear me When I say softly Slowly Hold me close To the tiny dance floor Only it lands On the highway Fucking god awful.
Lay me down In sheets of linen That's the lyric?
I didn't know I was going for linen.
I guess.
You had a busy day Today There we go.
Wow.
I never knew lay me down in the sheets of linen.
Sounds soft and comfortable.
Sounds soft, yeah.
I think Ellen John, nice job.
That was pretty good, actually.
Fuck.
We were, like, cookie monster.
Yeah, you deserve that, This, Taylor.
All right, we'll be back.
Sweet, bump it.
This song's called Slow Down.
It's brand new.
Fucking love it.
This, Taylor, She comes to her heart like a bold sun She ain't too proud Slow down You know you want it and you can't say no You know you want it Slow down Slow down You know you want it and you can't say no You know you want it Slow down Slow Slow Slow She puts her body on the street And lets you know it's the way she does And let you know it's yours to take You treat her like the chips queen You let her rob you to your feet Slow down You know you want it, but you can't say no You know you want it, ooh Slow down Slow, slow, slow Slow, slow, slow And don't you want it Ooh Just go down And up And up And up Ah Ah Ah Ooh Ah Ah Ah Go Ah Ah Ah Go Slow down You know you want it Slow down Slow down You know you want it Slow it down Slow it down Slow it down Slow it down Slow it down Slow it down Slow it down So hey, I wanna set you up with my daughter.
Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
I thought you were gay.
Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
I don't know.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community Subtitles by the Amara.org community We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
