Domestic violence awareness in Skid Row

He's old school Used to be a drunk dude Business man now Everybody love that dude Bobbybuck.com Bobbybuck.com Go ahead, I dare you, log on Yep, he's old school Used to be a drunk dude Business man now Everybody love that dude Bobbybuck.com Bobbybuck.com Go ahead, I dare you, log on Bobbybuck.com Go ahead, log on Log on Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Suzette Shaw, and I'm with Ladies Take the Mic. We are piggybacking off of the Bobby Buck show today, and we've got some wonderful, fabulous people from our Skid Row community here representing. We're having a show today on domestic violence and our community in regards to the issues and needs of women in the Skid Row community surrounded by domestic violence. Today here on the show, we have Officer Joseph. We have my friend Angela Hawkins. and we also have my other friend, and we also have my other friend, and we also have my other friend, and I'll let them introduce themselves and tell them a little bit about themselves, and then we'll move from there. Officer Joseph, ladies, who would like to start first? Ladies first. Ladies first. All right, Lorinda, do your thing. Hi, my name is Lorinda Hawkins, and I am a community activist and entertainer, and I facilitate... Thank you. And I facilitate the open mic night on Saturday nights with the Company of Angels in the Hayward, and I am a domestic violence survivor. Great, thank you. And here I am. I'm Angela Harper, better known as Big Mama on Skid Row. Okay. I happen to be also a domestic violence survivor. Okay. And I also do advocacy for domestic violence, also for women that are trying to overcome... Good for you. Mm-hmm. Thank you. Hello, everybody. I'm Senior Lead Officer Dion Joseph, and it's an honor to be in the presence of these wonderful ladies who I've been seeing, known for years. Thank you for representing. It's an absolute honor. I'm a Senior Lead Officer for the Skid Row area. I've worked Skid Row for 17 years of my career, 10 years as a lead officer in charge of their safety, and some of the things I've done as it relates to domestic violence, I created a grassroots program called Ladies' Nights, which started in October of 2008, and it was geared to let the women of Skid Row know that we don't care if you're on parole or probation. We don't care if you were prostituting or smoking a crack pipe when you were assaulted. You have a fundamental right to report crimes of rape and domestic violence, and it's one of my passions, and it's really a pleasure to be here to discuss such an important issue. Thank you. Thank you, and I'm glad that you mentioned all those things. Again, I said my name is Suzette Shaw, and I actually came to the Skid Row community December 6th of 2012. I was staying in temporary housing at that time and crossed the street from where I was staying, and in the hotel where I was, Officer Joseph and his brother were doing a domestic violence workshop for women in the community, and I just happened, I think I found out maybe through the Women's Center, and I happened to sit in and take a look at things that day, and it was actually very good. It was very empowering, and actually he and his brother both have, I've been in touch with them ever since then, but they had some really good information that particular day to offer. I myself was staying at a safe house prior to coming to Skid Row, and I am also a domestic violence survivor. But so here in our Skid Row community, you know what we're learning, and I'm also part of a DWAC, which is Downtown Women's Coalition, and Downtown Women's Coalition did a needs assessment in 2012, I believe was the last one, and I was there for a while, and I was there for a while, and I was there for a while, and the needs assessment had to do with basically, it gives it a portrayal, basically who are the women in Skid Row? What is the breakdown of women in Skid Row? So on and so forth. And as most of us know, Skid Row has predominantly been a male populated community, but that population is slowly and quickly, you know, progressing over a course of time. So Officer Joseph, as a lead officer, would you want to speak in regards to that? Well, yes, about, I would say about 40% of the Skid Row population is made up of women, and it is a male dominated, misogynistic society. A lot of the males, unfortunately, and I'm not judging them all, trying to paint them with a broad brush, but they do have a predatory mentality or a misogynistic, chauvinistic mentality as it relates to the women, to where they feel like they can grab their butts and things of that nature. And some of the women, unfortunately, kind of accept it. I heard a disturbing statistic that came out recently that two thirds of the women that live in Skid Row were victims of rape or domestic violence. And it's such a horrible sight, and that's why I'm so inspired to try to break that in Skid Row so they'll know that they're just as important as someone living in Beverly Hills struggling with domestic violence. That's a message we're really trying to stress on our department. And I appreciate you mentioning that because actually when I first came down here, you know, I was already, you know, dealing with trauma and then being here, I'd never been in such an environment. So it was actually traumatic for me initially. I just have to be honest about it. And so, and I was dealing with, you know, like walking down the streets and, you know, men constantly in your ear and saying stuff to you and feeling, you know, just kind of vulnerable as I'm walking down the streets. And so I would write a lot, just I would keep a notepad and pen with me as I'm just walking down the streets. And I started writing poetry off of, off of just basically the issues that I was dealing with as I walked down the street. And if you all don't mind, I'm going to share one particular poem real quickly with you all. And this came off of me writing, walking down the street and dealing with people kind of saying things at me. Respect that I am a black queen. I am a black queen. Respect that. And that's a fact. So please don't justify why you objectify my hide. Quit your oogling and googling. It's a rap. Stop that crap. Please let's solidify and talk with pride. Remember, I am a black queen. Do you know what I mean? I am mystified how you can justify your disrespect to mine. Treat me like a piece of meat just because I dare walk down the street. Please. Please allow me some space and to walk with grace. The words you dare utter are completely from the gutter. Man up and come correct. There's no need for your disrespect. Of course you can admire. I just require you know. I ain't no ho. There you go. Keeping it real. Keeping it real. Thank you. Yeah. So I just, it's important to say that because of the fact that women are objectified, you know, just walking to and from. I mean, when we think of domestic violence, we all, often, sometimes think of the physical form of domestic violence. But you know, there's that verbal, there's that, um, that a verbal threatened, um, even psychological, psychological. Yeah. Yeah. Stuff is deep. Yeah. So, um, um, God, I mean, there's just so much. Anybody want to chime in from here? Well, real, real quick. The verbal abuse is a tool, um, by a lot of abusers to make women feel like an object. Uh, I know we're on the radio. I'm not going to cuss, but I'll kind of do these briefings. Do your thing. Uh, but, uh, some men, I talked to an abuser one time. I had him on the bench and he brutalized a woman. And I asked him, I just sat down. I said, brother, why do you do this to this woman? Why do you call her the B's and the H and the C words all the time? He says, brother, he says, uh, if I call a woman a B, then I don't feel as bad kicking her because there's nothing wrong in my mind with kicking a dog. Whoa. Wow. So a lot of these men, when they're calling you bitches and hoes and stuff like that, in their mind, they're turning you into an object to justify them hurting you. And that's why I tell ladies, I know it's very hard to get out of domestic violence relations, but as soon as you start hearing those words right then and there, if he hasn't got his hooks in you, get out, get out and find someone who respects you, but respect yourself first. Right, right. Yeah. Um, I'm glad you mentioned it because there seems to be a different element also, as far as the women who are living on the streets, um, you know, who are staying in the tents, the women who are trying to survive just out there day to day on the streets. Um, I've actually had some brothers, um, um, out on Skid Row, Hugh, initially say, refer to them as tent wives, basically a form of property, you know? And, uh, again, that's part of that, um, predatory mentality. And they're using their circumstance as a means to, as of leverage against them. Well, you're a woman and you're in a man's male dominant world. You need protection. So in order for you to be protected, you have to allow me to treat you like an animal or subpar or use you for my personal gain. And unfortunately, sadly, some of the women's actually buy into this because they've had a history of violence that they've dealt with their whole, their life. Right. Right. Because as I tell people, many people in Skid Row and Skid Row, not because they're drug addicts, but because they're scarred. Right. And no one has entered their life to break that cycle in their life to tell them they are worth it. So they will accept the treatment and especially women, unfortunately, because it is a male dominated society in Skid Row. I do recall, um, um, you know, going up to you when I first moved into, um, where I'm housed now and telling you that, you know, I had heard that there is a lot of, um, different activity that goes on where I'm living. And, um, and you said, well, I'll, I'll offer you two forms of advice. He said, um, don't make friends. And he said, and don't borrow money. Oh, absolutely. Once you borrow money from somebody out from one of these loan sharks or anybody out here in a way you're forever bought and paid for in their minds, because you could actually pay some of these guys back and they'll find any excuse. Well, you're five minutes late. So I'm going to find more dollars. I've seen that. And you're forever in their debt. You know, I, like I tell people slavery and Jim Crow still exists, but it's not the Klu Klux Klan. It's not the police. It's our own people. It's our own people. That right there. Telling us where we can go, what we can do, what we can say, who, who's allowed to help us. You can't go to the police because, because you got raped. Cause you'll be a snitch or they're going to rape you. It's control control. And we have to break that cycle. And we, as a law enforcement, we want to partner with the community, but we have to work with the community to break that cycle in our lives. So we can work together to make things better. You know, I'm so glad that you mentioned that because I feel like a lot of people who come down here and, um, to our community to volunteer time or to work, I don't feel like they really grasp, that, um, uh, what, you know, the mentality, you know, um, you know, I, I know that I've gotten into a lot of conversations with, uh, you know, my spiritual brothers and sisters, you know, who, who they want to speak to me on a philosophical, spiritual level. And I'm like, I'm trying to give you the reality of life down here. You know, I'm trying to go, you know, you see my poetry is raw. I'm trying to go straight to it. Cause that's what I deal with. I deal with the raw, you know, um, I'm walking with God out here. When you guys walk block to block, you walking with the gang of people, you know what I'm saying? So, and also even with, um, you know, like people who come down here and work, you know, come from the Valley, you know, I, I noticed that people often get, um, chauffeured into the community, um, when they're coming to their jobs and then they just chauffeur out and then they chauffeured around the community. And then they come down here and they do like maybe their year or two. you know, and, and I, you know, I respect that, you know, you, you, you get, you get your stripes on your, uh, with your degree. So then, you know, that, that makes you, you know, hot commodity. Right. But they come, they come in with, uh, either a judgmental or stereotypical. They did not. You've already been stereotyped. There you go. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. That's, that's a definite mindset. With a lot of the social providers and who they have as employees. Yeah. They first thing is that since you're here, you're ignorant. You want welfare. Yeah. You don't know no better and you don't know nothing. Right. Uh, you ain't going to be nothing. You just sitting here. So I'm going to do my, do as less of my job, which is the, that's what a lot of them do. They do less of their job because I have them. Uh, can you tell me where I go on land in the search engine to get this type of information? And I had to tell him you get paid hourly. Right. I don't. Right. I said, I do what I do from my heart. That's your job. That right there. Right. But they don't see it. Right. The way I see it. It's so much. Yep. All right. They're looking for so much. Political street cred or street cred to say, I came to Skid Row and did X, Y, Z, but you never got to the core there because you're coming to help the quote unquote poor people. Right. Right. You know, and you, you, if you feel warm and fuzzy and you leave, right. Right. You don't take the poor off. Right. Just look at people as people. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Well, one thing that, you know, like when I was, um, my first year, you know, I say getting well as a business. So, um, I mean, that's part of the recovery model. So I, um, I spent my whole week and days, um, you know, in, um, um, you know, uh, private therapy as well as in group therapy. And one thing that I learned going to the mental health center, you know, is that they didn't have a group like just for women. Like, so I'd be normally like maybe the only female, sometimes one of two or three females in the group with a room full of men talking about my issues and life, as well as predominantly my issues that I'm dealing with on a day to day basis, you know, just walk in the row in the community. And some of the fellas sitting in the groups are maybe some of the same ones who have prayed upon me, you know, me and others. They're sitting there praying upon you when you're sitting there in that lobby. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, and, and the reality is, I mean, help get women off the streets. I mean, try to get them away from this type of mentality type of environment. Um, but the situation is like we discussed, it's predominantly male services. The history is it Skid Row was just made for men. So, I mean, union rescue mission takes women and children. I believe they're the only mission in Skid Row that takes women and children. But I mean, other than that, there is midnight mission, no women. Um, there's LA mission. I think you need to be in a program, their program. If you want to be there as a woman. And here's the thing. Um, as a woman, if you're fleeing a domestic violence situation, okay. And you end up, you have to leave everything behind you. You may end up on Skid Row. Where do you go? Okay. Then maybe there's the union rescue mission. And then you're starting from scratch. So that means you're looking for housing. You're looking for a job. You're trying to get assistance to do this. Also, you're trying to heal. Right. Cause it, and it's culture shopping. And Skid Row, you're like, whoa, oh my gosh. But here's the thing. There's a time limit. With how long, if you are single without children at union rescue mission, there is a time limit that you can be there. So you are on the waiting list to get into an SRO or what have you, but you are not a priority. If you are not recovering from drugs, if you are not mentally ill or what have you. So you're not a priority. So then tick tock, tick tock, you know, time is ticking by. You're trying to look for a job. You're trying to look for a place to stay. You're trying to heal. You're trying to even make, um, motions, to see your children. But even then you're met with this stigma by like lawyers who are supposed to be maybe, um, um, counts be counsel for the children, but they're really actually have their mate mind made up against you because you live in Skid Row. And if you're in an SRO, you're mentally ill. So then you have to prove yourself not mentally ill, which is more money. Jump through these hoops and maybe you'll see your children. So, and all of that can add to, to a situational type of depression, not necessarily, you know, a clinic, you know what I'm saying? A temporary depression. That is crazy. Yeah. I was just going to say that you only you're, you're victimized. I mean, you're traumatized coming down and then you're only further traumatized going through while you're spiraling your life. And so then you, well, I'm into it. It makes it even more difficult. Is that by them not having all the information needed? Because when I got there, I found out, that I could have went to another domestic violence shelter, not a regular shelter. I could have went to a domestic violence shelter instead of being there. They didn't give me that information. And I was like, why? When I found out that they got a book, it's called the rainbow book. Rainbow? Yes. Okay. And then the rainbow book, every service provider in California is in that book. Okay. So, so, I'm like, okay, well, why didn't you give me this information when I needed it? Yeah. I've never heard of it. Yeah. When I come in this door and I'm letting you know, okay, I'm running for my life here. Right. I need help. Right. Right. I'm not going to get it here. Only thing I'm going to get here is a bed and some meals. Right. Well, you know, clothes. Yeah. You know, that's it. I'm not going to get everything else. So if it wasn't for the fact I kept my ear. Yeah. Okay. Because somebody noticed that I need it. You got to ear hustle. Yeah. I needed some help. I just feel better. Right. And can I, and I got to give a shout out to the, the theatrical groups in Skid Row, because I mean, they did more for me. I mean, as far as keeping my sanity, you know, an outlet, a creative outlet to express and write and perform. But LAPD, Los Angeles Poverty Department. I mean, it turned, because I was involved with a, a project they were doing in Skid Row. I was able to get into an SRO. Wow. Literally by the grace of God. Yeah. Using them. Literally my time was almost up with Union Rescue Mission. I was on the list for Skid Row Housing and Trust. Right. You know, every list that I could be doing my little checks every day and everything, but time was, you know, running out and thank God for LAPD saying, you know what? We want you to be part of this. And you know, it's an experience. What was it called? It was like an, an exchange where people would come in from out of town to experience life in Skid Row. So they would pay to, you know, experience this. And one of the perks was you get to stay in an SRO and see what it feels like. So since I was part of the project, helping people and acting in that, in that team, I was able to get into an SRO. I never heard of, I never heard of that one. So that's interesting. But that was, she got blessed. Right. She got blessed. I was one of the lucky ones. Because what makes it so difficult, for a lot, especially for me, especially if not for Officer Joseph, we have the other part that everybody else is not getting. Right. That's the thing. Because I be telling them, did you know you could go to the county and get housing? You homeless. You are homeless. They are required by law now to give you housing if you getting government money. You can go down there. They don't realize that. Well, you know, the information is not, it's not being given. Well, this is something that I've just recently learned. And then also, Joseph, I'd like you to speak on this is, I've learned that women living in a tent and going through a domestic violence issue or dispute, it's not considered, when they're looking for safe haven from that, to flee from that environment, when they're, when an officer, when they, you know, it's considered a simple battery simply because they, simply because they're, they're dwelling in a tent as opposed to a, a private, you know, a private resident or what have you. Well, based on my experience, that's not true. Really? From my experience. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Okay. I don't investigate all the domestic violence issues. But several women in Skid Row who were victimized by domestic violence who came to me, and they thought the same thing that because I live in a tent that nobody's going to help me. I was actually able to help them get into shelters in the Valley and other places away from Skid Row. But I think sometimes people kind of perpetuate that philosophy to a lot of these women and they accept, you know, because one of the, one of the big reasons that people won't come to the police, especially the women of Skid Row is because they're told a, don't be a snitch. B, you're going to get arrested. C, there's nothing they can do for you. They don't care. And they believe that and they'll just stay right in that box. And that's what leaves them open to the predatory element. The predators are telling them this. And that's benefit to the predators. But until the women break out of that mentality and say, I'm going to use the police, whether I think they like me or not, I'm coming. I need your help. We have, we have a variety of resources for them ranging from emergency protective orders, explaining temporary, long-term restraining orders, and as well as shelters all over the county that will come and pick you up and help you. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I'm so deeply rooted into domestic violence and why it's such an issue, not an issue, a passionate subject for me is because I had a mother-in-law who ran a domestic violence shelter and she inspired me. She told me her stories of her abuse and right then and there, I just wanted to help change things. Awesome. So I know all about that stuff. I appreciate that. And I want to thank Officer Joseph because I do an event called Cries from the Heart. Every October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This has been the second year and the third year is coming up doing it. Where again, that theatrical element, I mean, it is healing. It's cathartic to be able to share your story in a safe place, your testimony, what have you. We have spoken word. Yeah. And Officer Joseph actually spoke as well and disseminated. Yeah. And he disseminated the help and the resources. We also invite Sojourner and it's a domestic violence shelter. You have to set up a booth there and pass out the pamphlets as well because it's easy when you're in a situation in domestic violence relationship to feel isolated because there is that shame. There is that self loathing. You know, you're in this situation, you're cut off from everybody like family members. They don't want to deal with you as long as you're in that situation. Right. So it's easy to believe. Right. Right. Right. It's easy to believe the lies that are being told. Well, you know, you aren't going to be helped. And then who is going to want to help you? Right. It's so it's hard. And God bless you. Officers like Officer Joseph. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that actually that transcends as far as, you know, because people living in the suburbs kind of deal with the same thing as people living, women living here in Skid Row, as far as that isolation and and people not necessarily relating to what you're going through. I mean, you can't even necessarily always wrap your brains around what you're going through. Right. And then you're like we were talking about earlier, like you're mentally kind of spiraling out of control. So it's just like, you know, I mean, it's very. And predators know that the best thing like, you know, I don't mean to get spiritual on you, but I believe in Jesus Christ. I'm a Christian. So the best thing the devil can do is keep you from your help. And that's what these predators do out there. Soon as they see a new girl on Skid Row, that's new booty right there. I've heard them say that. I'm going to go get my hooks into that one. I'm going to make her feel that I'm the only one that can help her. You're on your way to the answer role, but he stops you right short of here. You don't know. You need to start here, right here in this tent. Work for me for a few days. I got the connections. I hook you up next to, you know, you're smoked out and you can't get away from his grass even if you wanted to, because now he has a mental grip on you. And man, don't let these predators keep you from help. Right. Yeah. So anybody in Skid Row, especially a female is under the side of my voice. If you're a victim, come to us for help. And don't, you know, those lies and those predators and sometimes the end. And enemies in your own mind too. Right. You know, maybe there's not a physical person that that's saying that to you. Maybe it's yourself in that self talk. And that's the same thing. Do not let yourself talk yourself out of the help of the services. And yeah, I know that when I first got house where I am now, I remember a lot of the guys where I was staying with everybody wants all of a sudden it was a big deal that I was housing. Everybody wants to come, you know, and it's funny because initially I was so excited about getting house like, oh yeah, come see my place. Come see my place. And then I really like, wait a minute, this is a bedroom and a bathroom is not a real apartment, you know? And, and so I'm like, ah, you know, a new housewarming party. Just yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, so I, I, I made that a rule that a rule of thumb, you know, as far as I don't, I don't accept, you know, male visitors at all. I mean, you know, and so, but you know, so I ended up, you know, people ended up getting kind of butt hurt over it, but it's just like, yeah, it's just like, that makes no sense. This is a bedroom and a bathroom period. And any other, any other part of the world, this is just a bedroom and a bathroom. It's not, you know, it's not permanent housing. It's not, you know, it's not an apartment or what have you. So, and I see, I know you, you're a good person and I know you hate to be that way, but you're living in the reality of Skid Row. When you have 3000 people on parole, 3000 people on formal probation for a variety of things, including sex crimes and about five to 700 registered sex offenders, you have to be careful. You have to be careful. You have to choose yourself over the rules. You have to choose yourself over the risk, you know? So I totally understand. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, cause I, I'm a, you know, I mean, I deal with PTSD and all my other issues and hang up and, you know, and then I'm a survivor of, you know, this and that and whatever. So yeah, I am trying to, you know, like I have to sometimes step back from my stupid self and say, wait a minute, stupid, you know, what are you doing? You know, it's like really, no really though. I mean, wait a minute, queen. Okay. I like that. Queen. Anyway, go ahead. Go ahead. The thing, one of the things that I get challenged a lot coming down here, because once I hit the, I was just, once I hit the street, it's over. It's big mama, big mama, big mama, big mama. And I'm like, okay, one thing at a time. I have to deal with the fact that it's just me, but I got friends. So thank God for social media. I'll throw something up. But, I'm starting to wonder what the next thing is going to be down there on Skid Row. What is going to be the next wave of what's going to happen. And a lot of the women down there, I'll be telling them, y'all need to step back. Look at yourself. Say, I love you. You know, I love me today. And start getting it together in your mind that you are worthy. You are worthy. And they are down there. Now, hey, how you doing? How you doing girl? How you feeling today? What you doing down there? What do you mean? You don't, to bring them out. It's women that walk around down there. They got they pad. They got they clipboard. They pen. What do you need? I'm like, that ain't gonna work. That ain't gonna, that's not gonna work. Because right now you done put fear in her. Well, you know what? I'm glad that you're kind of saying these things because it's reminding me of the fact of, you know, people have said to me, you know, when people come down from the valley and you know, whatever, and they say, wow, you know, you're so assertive. You're so aggressive. And I'm like, you know, and, and, and, and, and I forget about the fact that, you know, like I walked down here now, like, I mean, initially I was, I would have been very much prey because I was so scared walking these streets. Now I walked down these streets like, I wish her brother would. Yeah. But with that said, but I'm like, you know, I mean like, you know, I've got layers and layers and layers of shield going on here. You know what I'm saying? So what are you going to say? You know what I, you know what I'd like to see it. And that's, I love that you said that, you know, I wish her brother would. Because at my next ladies night that I was going to try to plan, I was going to see if I can get a coalition of women who would come together on a weekly or maybe monthly basis and put together a pamphlet that that's just like this poem right here. Right. That you can come together as a group and walk around Skid Row and pass out. And you can come to these men and say, I am not an object. Yeah. Right. That would be so powerful. Yeah. If we can get you all to do that, because some of the men, sometimes they do have to get it in their hands to say, Oh, you're a what? And it was a surprise. They had got of them. But at the same time, empower you guys. Cause you're telling the men that, Hey, don't look at us as objects. Don't use us. Don't abuse us. Exactly. And you guys, you guys can change the culture. Exactly. You're right. Because it does actually start with us too. Because you've heard of the saying, you teach people how to treat you. Yeah. So I'll admit, I was the first to get in a row. I mean, I was looking down all the time, but you know, I myself, I'm a believer too. And I just heard the Lord saying, you know, chin up. You are a queen, no matter what your circumstance is. That's right. But then I started, you know, looking them in the eye. Hi, how you doing? You know, regardless of what they're saying to me, I don't let that affect who I am. I'm just like, thank you. Well, how are you doing to say, you know, and just keep pressing on just, hi, how you doing? And I treat them nicely with respect. And that's what I expect to get back. I'm not gonna keep having a conversation with you. Right. If you can't, if you keep, if you gotta call me out my name. Right. If I tell you my name, you know, this baby and stuff. Right. How you doing? And I just acknowledge people. Yeah. How you doing? And just keep walking. Yeah. You know, and how I carry myself. Right. And how I'm dressing. I'm not necessarily, you know, Yeah, because the woman is always, the woman is always, you know, the perpetrator, the instigator, and the victim all wrapped in one. Wrapped in one. Okay. That's one of the first things I tell women when I get, before I get right into my self-defense portion of my seminar, I tell them your attitude could save your life. Definitely. And what Lorinda just said was perfect. Yeah. You take control of the, if you're walking around Skid Row with your head down, what that says to a predator is, that's a victim right there. Right. I need to step in there and figure out how to victimize her. Right. But if your head is up, you're looking them in the eye, you're saying hello. I saw a lady save her own life by saying God bless you to a guy. Yeah. There's this guy in the 600 block of San Julian who was known for just beating people up at the whim. And everybody was running around scared of him. And when he ran up with this one lady, she said God bless you young man. And he stopped in his track and didn't know what to do. Because everybody else's reaction was fear and she was terrified. Okay. But she said nope, God bless you and kept moving. And by the time he realized what happened to him, he was like what? Wow. She was walking down the green apple market with a cigarette. He saved me, right. Yeah. But she set the tone. Yeah. Don't let these guys set the tone. Exactly. That's part of self-defense too. Yeah, if you hear somebody behind you and creeping, you don't just run and walk faster. You turn around and, how you doing? Right. What's going on? Can I help you? You know, just, and not trying to accuse them into anything. Just hi, how you doing? It really disarms them. Because what do most abusers fear? What do most men fear? You know, not me. Man comfort. A strong, confident woman. Right. You're no longer an object. You're actually a person with a soul. Outstanding. And you know, that's so funny that you say that because I keep hearing these brothers talk more and more these days about how, oh, these black women, they just so aggressive. Oh, these black women, you know this. But that's the thing is, is that, you know, well, Skid Row is predominantly, when it comes to the female gender, it's predominantly African American women. And you know, one thing that, you know, I realize is that, even with myself, like, I'll speak up and I'll say now. But I think it also depends on where we are in our healing processes too. I mean, because, you know, you have a very much ownership, you know, mentality. You have a very much ownership. And I do most of the time. But then I also, you know, I can be that naive, stupid girl, you know, also. You know what I'm saying? I mean, at 50 years of age. So, yeah. That innocence. Oh, yeah. I mean, that small town girl mentality is still like, you know. You see the hope in everything. Amen. Nothing wrong with that. But I will say another shout out for Downtown Mental Health, because they are a blessing too. Because, I mean, that really helps to be able to talk to somebody. Yeah. A counselor. Yeah. Yeah. I will say that they did not have a women's group. They had a men's empowerment group and they did not have a women's empowerment group. And I actually, I didn't go to the group. I might have if it was female. Well, they just, they had one for like a minute, for like six months last year. And they're like, I'm like, because I kept saying, how is it in 20, you know, dah, dah, dah, you know, you don't have a women's empowerment group. You don't have a group separate for women to come to that have nothing to do with these men. How is it? How is it? Yeah. It's terrible. I started a women's empowerment group simply for those reasons, because I want to, you know, I love a tea. I remember as a little girl, you know, always, always having tea with my twin sister and when a friend come over. So like, I love a tea party. You know, I was a Mother's Day baby. I would throw a tea party for women on Mother's Day and and, you know, and make a Mother's Day tea party. So that's what I like to do. Mother's Day, baby. I'm a mother. Yeah. Oh, wow. Goodness. You need to talk to my daughter. She happens to be a Mother's Day baby. We do need to talk. Can I? Yes. No, I'll say that. Can I? You're the oldest girl. Excuse me. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. What I was going to say was sometimes when you're trying to do the right thing, you end up realizing you're kind of doing it wrong. My ladies night was primarily focused on women. But you know what? I got to thinking later on through the years is that, you know what? I think some men do need to participate because the reality of it is some men just don't know. They don't. They don't understand. Oh, my God. What they're doing. Right there. They got a clue. Well, see, and this is one of the things like I try and say in different environments, say like with the church and everything, as far as I'm like, you know, you have all these men out here and they don't really even have a grasp of what it means to like lead. You know, they've you know, they've planted a seed here and there and they left a woman here and there. But they don't even really necessarily know what it means to like lead a woman, lead a household and be a man. A protector. A protector. So therefore, I say, you know, in feeding lines, women, women and children should come first in feeding lines because then you put the mentality out there that it's not just about me. There's other people. Oh, maybe back there in the back of their mind. Oh, yeah. You know what? I left a kid back there. I left a woman back there. You know that then maybe that, you know, subliminally pops up in their mind. But I got a lot of I got a lot of flack from saying that. But that's such a good point. What Officer Joseph was saying, men, I mean, even I mean, look at the media and I mean, our society, it's it teaches men to look and talk to women a certain way to the point where they're like, what? What's the what's wrong? Even my Facebook friends, it's like and if I call them on it, what? I'm overly sensitive or I'm just overreacting. It's kind of like the racism thing. Like what? What? But it is real and it's sad. But I think it there needs to be some teaching there. It's like you don't refer to, hey, girl, you know, don't you don't need to refer to me as a girl. And I'm a grown woman. You know, if you don't want me to refer to you as a boy, you know, hey, did you see that girl over there? Was she a girl or was she a woman? You know, it's like they don't understand that girl, baby and boo comes once you have somebody's heart. Heart. Right. And then I have a friend, God bless him. And he really thinks to compliment his female friends. He has to. Oh, you are so beautiful. You are so hot. You are this if you were that. And it just further, you know, right cycle where you think, oh, my gosh, I have to maintain that. It's like, no, she's more than what she appears. Is that really how you see her? Only by her appearance? No. And it's funny that you say that because I didn't give people my first name, my name initially when I came down here and I'd be walking the street. So I would tell them, call me Miss Lady because I want I'm trying to also set that subliminal message in your life. I'm not, you know, not baby. Yeah, the same yours. Yeah. So I say Miss Lady and I see some of them still call me Miss Lady, you know, and I'm out there. Yeah, it's all right. Miss Lady. It's all about commanding. It's about commanding respect. And people aren't just going to give it to you. Unfortunately, in 2015. Yeah. Because they have been scarred as well. Yeah. Men have been scarred too, because I always when I talk to some women about domestic violence and go, well, why do men beat us? There are several reasons. One is some their upbringing. There's a high profile celebrity. I won't mention his name who beat up another high profile celebrity. But I think you guys can guess what I'm talking about. One time he was interviewed and they asked him his he talked about how his mom was being abused and how he hated the fact that his mom was abused. But yet he gets arrested at the Grammys for doing the same thing. Because that's how he was taught to deal with women. And even though he hated himself, his training, his trainers were the men that were in his mother's life. So we have to, in our own way, reverse the cycle. And one of the ways I've been trying to do it is I've been going to high school. Last year, I went to two high schools and I spoke to young boys and girls. Because like I said, some boys don't know. And you'll be surprised that some of these boys didn't know that no means no. Because even in their music, no means yes. Right. In their music, their misogynistic music, they hear, they're like, oh, this is a woman walking down the street in a thong. She deserves it. And it took me to tell them. And their eyes just got big. And some of them, when it was over, I thought they'd be mad at me. But they shook my hand and said, thank you, because you're going to prevent me from going to prison. Right. That's so wild that you said that. That's true. That's funny, because I had a man, and I've had different people say that to me about, well, I thought no means yes. But I had one man in particular, this was a white man too, but it was not a brother, it was a white man, actually said to me one day, I was at, I first decided, this man saw me when I was at one of the health clinics down here one day, and he heard my name called out. So he got my name, and then what I was there for. So then he brought himself into my world by then trying to involve himself in my situation. I just see this very predatory mentality, and I see it very often. But then the next thing he does is, he asked me for coffee, so on and so forth. And I actually needed to stay at the clinic that day, but I ended up leaving. But the next time, and the next time, and the next time I see this man, I said, look, I don't want to be here. I'm not interested. I don't want anything to do with you. And I say, no, no, no. And he'd say, but I've always heard that no means yes. See, that's the sad thing. We have so many women on Skid Row and beyond who get raped, because some men see the opportunity, well, she's drunk and she's got no panties, that means yes. Really, I'm serious. This really happens, not just in Skid Row and beyond. But you have to teach these men and young boys, especially at an early age, that hey, a woman cannot give consent if she's unconscious. Conscious. Come on. She's drunk to the point of incapacitation. She can't give you consent if she's handicapped or mentally ill. She can't. And a lot of them don't know that, because they've been trained in their mind that a drunk girl as a whole, and that's what she should expect. That mentality has to change. And we need proactive education on that, starting at the high school, junior high school level. Okay, so speaking of proactive education here in our community, where do we go from here? Where do we start? You know, I'm glad we're having this conversation right now, because I'm looking at three very powerful women who may be the catalyst for something bigger. I tend to piss a lot of people off just talking to me, because you can see it. Bro, that's not right. It's better for them to be pissed off than pissed on. You know what's funny? My dad said from... Dang. He told me one time, he said, Deon, don't ever be afraid about pissing anyone off, because from controversy comes focus. That's it. From focus comes the truth. They're going to be mad at you, but if they're mad at you, they want to talk to you. And from that, they'll hear the truth. Yeah, and I believe that, because I've been sharing my story. Yeah. And I've been blessed to be asked to share my story. Yeah. And I've been blessed to share it with people. Yeah. Mixed, women and men company, but the younger the better. Yeah. Yes. Because I believe we're talking about how the men need to know that no means no, but I believe the women need to know that at a young age too. Yeah. Because a lot of us in this society, as a female, you're not taught that. Right. You're taught to be the caretaker. Yeah. You're taught to hug people even if you don't want to. Right. Oh my God. Smile at that person, that family member that is repulsing you. Right. That's the next way. What's wrong with you? And then if you don't, you're berated, there's something wrong with you and what have you. So we need to give that ownership of their bodies back to the girls and the female. You know that's so important that you say that, because I was actually just watching something randomly on TV just a day or two ago, and there was a father, he was in the background, but he was telling his little daughter, and it's a little black girl, and she was like three years old, but he's already drilling in her, what she is. She's a queen. I'm a queen. I'm a queen. And he's already drilling in her as far as what a man's supposed to do and so on and so forth. And it was so precious. I said, oh my God, I got to post that to my Facebook page. It was so precious. And I got to add, piggyback. Okay. I'm sorry. This really blessed me on Facebook. I saw a video of a mother and her little toddler announcing to the world, I don't know if you saw it. Okay. Where she is now, you need to get permission before you just hug her or kiss her. Right. Is it okay if I hug you? Thank you. And then you wait for an answer. Thank you. And if it's yes, then you hug. If it's no, you don't try to, what's wrong? Why won't you let me hug you? That's how you have Noah's note. Just accept her. Thank you. Her no. Thank you. I've had some brothers come up in my space, like get all up in my, I'm like, uh-uh, back up. You do not have a right. Yeah, you don't have a right to be up in here. You haven't gotten permission. I'll tell them straight up. You haven't gotten permission to be up in here. You back up. And you know, see, but I'll talk like that to them. And so, you know, but I'm, you know, so therefore I'm aggressive because I'll talk like that. I'm gonna keep it real with you. And, uh, but yeah, but it's, it's funny because then also is the thing is like, how do we, there's so many people coming down here who don't really grasp who we are as a people. You know what I mean? There's a lot of do-gooder mentality that don't necessarily understand. And then they don't necessarily han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han necessarily because you know they've got that they don't feel like they have to learn from us you know what i'm saying they take a blanket i'm sorry a blanket a bag of food a bottle of water right and a prayer and but it's more to it than that thank you you got to if you want to help then you come down here get your facts do your homework right there and then come down here and sit yeah sit and then really participate in this community right there absolutely because sometimes the food and the clothes in the street does more harm than good and it keeps them from the programs they need to actually see themselves that's worthy there's a calling mentality that can go along with even we i mean and i know you know that you know i mean it's it's a service you know that ministry mentality but then there's you know there's there's that fine line no but the most powerful ministry is when you understand that it's not just one way right it has to be given and receiving right there you have to humble yourself but a lot of times people don't have that humility they're like i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna i'm gonna do this for you right i'm gonna help you whether you like it or not i'm gonna help you and they're doing it for themselves actually could bless you in a way with a pearl of wisdom a prayer because people assume that people in skid row don't know god or have any spirituality and that's wrong excellent point excellent point like i'll talk and i know this is a tough subject but it's all right 15 different church groups come down and say i got the word i got the word for the people and and half the people in skid row are christians yeah you know yeah you know and so you're right you're but they don't have an ear to hear your message because right there god is something else it's crack it's heroin and until you can get to the heart of the matter and get these people into programs right they're not going to have an ear to hear and that's what i've been trying to tell people i never tell people not to help right but you got to help in a responsible way that gets to the heart of the matter and and that's the key right there yeah yeah wow i mean that's just it's it's it's i mean and i hear you and i feel you and it's like you know how do you like take that back out there and just like then put that into action as far as you know i call it this whole call to action right now you know you know this whole raise of consciousness, you know. I mean, here we are, you know, in Black History Month and Dr. Martin Luther King and people fought and died for us. And I actually have some brothers saying to me, well, you know, I don't really think so much of Dr. King because, you know, he wasn't like a Malcolm X, you know. He wasn't militant like him. I'm like, you have some audacity. All these brothers sitting around, hanging around out here all the doggone day long, and you're going to talk like that about a man who gave his life to this country? And recognizing that the things he did actually worked. Right, right. Actually, what? It's just like, but yeah, so people don't, you know, it's just, it's hard to, I mean, it's like I was saying to somebody the other day. It's called institutional racism. Well, yeah. I mean, but sometimes it's our own people with that. That's what it is. It's called institutional racism. Yeah. Where they have literally what they say is good, so I'm going to take it. And not only am I going to take it, but I'm going to use it even in a better form. Right. Right. So. You're going to take what you want from it. Right. And we're going to make the best out of it. Right. Instead of looking at, okay, this ain't right. Right. What I tell people, Willie Linton died hundreds of years ago. Why is he still controlling us? And he's still controlling us. You know, you got to let a lot of that stuff go, and you got to look, see things as they are to help ourselves rise to another level, you know, and unfortunately people can't do that because that's their stick. I'm glad you said that because, you know, a lot of people send the things in, you know, like we have. We still, you know, I mean, I will say that, you know, there's still very, there's a lot of levels of pervasive sexism, racism. You know, I remember I had some, I had some big attorneys and when I was in the Bay Area, you know, say to me, well, you know, this big, big, huge law firm. Oh, well, you know, we're looking for that in your face, you know, in your face. It's like, but a lot of racism and sexism is not always necessarily right in your face these days. It's so quiet. It's very subtle. It's very backdoor. It's so quiet and like a whisper. Yeah, exactly. Like a whisper. Yeah. So, so when, you know, when, when there is that pervasive, like, you know, like how we're talking about that kind of that predatory mentality with, you know, men, you know, men have a way of like, you know, finding a way to come into your world. So then they have a place, a reason to, you know. Looking for that weak point. Yeah. What is that weakness? What is that weakness? Are we good on time? Yeah. Slowing down though. Okay. Okay. They're looking for that point of weakness. And that's why I always tell women, especially when I do my seminars is I don't care if you had the worst day of your life. Yeah. You walk around like it's the best day of your life. Okay. And that kind of wards off some guys who will look at you and go be more intimidated by your confidence than see an opening in your weakness. Because having your head, just having your head up and your shoulders back and you like, I got that look. Yeah. I'm not the one. I'm not the one. It's not today. Right. It's not today. Perfect. Perfect example. Like me. One day, this is just me. I always walk around no matter what's going on in my life with confidence. Cause I know I work by myself, you know, and if I'm walking around looking like Willie Love Lump, you know, somebody can hurt me. You know, like someone stole my dog. So my mother, my mother passed away in 2006 and like an idiot, I said, you know what? I'm gonna go to work. I got to go mentor these kids. She wouldn't want me to quit. And I went into work confident as ever. And I sat in my patrol car and had that one thought about my mother and tears came running down my eyes. Oh, I know. A guy looked in my car. Oh. And said, that booger's crying. And three fights broke out and I couldn't stop him because they saw Officer Joseph had a weak moment. Oh my. Now that's a smart, that's me now. I'm a man, a muscle bound man who, who, because I showed, I won't call it weakness, but I showed weakness at the wrong time. Well, that's vulnerability at a wrong time. Well, see, and that's, I'm glad you all have used that word because that is a key word to me. I feel that we are also the women who end up here, you know, like we're all talking about. We've ended up here because of different situations that we've been through. We're very, very vulnerable. We're very, very raw. So even when we think we got it all together, like you said, you know, you can be plugging away and then boom, you know, you go back in and just. You can have a moment. You have a moment. I mean, it happens. I'm very, you know, I mean, I. Especially a woman. These predators. Are you crying, baby? Oh, I can fix it, baby. No, man. Oh, smile, baby. Smile. Oh, you know what? Now they're in there. When I got down here, everybody's like, oh, who is this lady? I'm like, I ain't the one. I ain't. I'm from Chicago. I ain't. I ain't from Chicago. Chicago. Chicago. I'm from Chicago. I said, I don't play. I ain't the one. OK. And then first thing my child say, we just left. Now, Kenia ain't nothing but seven. We just left the mental health place. They say my mama a psychopath. OK. Because the man said it. Back up. He read everything on the paper. I think that's deep that he approached you like that with your child. Right. All of it. He said, manic depression, PTSD, you know, you suffer from. Label, label, label, label, label. And Kenia's like, are they saying you crazy? And I'm like, yes, they are. I said, it's time to go. So we come out these doors. People is looking at me like I said, I know I look right. I know this. I said, I know what I'm looking like. Please, y'all stay out of my way. I don't want to go to prison. I'm trying to keep my kids. So I need to get off these streets. I need to get from down here. Through the grace of God, by me having diabetes and seeing a doctor at the clinic. And he said, he sent the social worker to see me. She gave me a pamphlet. I filled it out. Came back. She gave me a big envelope. Told me where to go. Hey, my apartment. I'm like. Wow. Wow. It was that easy. I'm like, God. It was. It was that easy. Wow. It was that easy. Wow. Everybody said, oh, Angela, you got a place. Y'all better go over there. Right now. Go. And you are not invited. Run. Run. If I may. If I may. Is there. Can I tell the people ways that they can try to prevent or minimize the risk of becoming a victim of domestic violence or rape? That'd be great. Because being preventive is. The warning sign. Yeah. The warning signs. And there are several of them. But let's talk about trying to reduce the risk. There you go. Because for some, it's going to happen. Unfortunately. But we can reduce the risk. One first thing. Know your community. That's why. And I know the ladies here know their community. You know, what I did when I first moved into my neighborhood was I'm not a social person at all. I'm very reclusive. I went across the street to my neighbors and said, hi, I'm your neighbor. Here's some collard greens and chicken here. You know, and you know, I hate doing that. But because I did that one thing, I got to know my neighbors. When somebody was walking around naked on my front lawn, they called me, you know, because I made that. Right. That approach. Nice. You know, one thing I want to add with that is also is. I never walk down the street talking on the phone. Oh, absolutely. Or eating. I try and stay very focused when I'm walking. I was going to say that. That's great you say that. People always say, wow, you're always in such a hurry. It's like because I'm getting from point A to point Z. I'm not trying to stop in and hang. I don't hang out. You know, I don't hang out on the street. So, you know, so anyway, go ahead. That's obviously worked for you. Listen, ladies, listen to this woman. All right. Other thing is that we're all going to get in relationships, but get to know your partner. I know we're in the age of hooking up and I'm not trying to preach my moral values on to you. But still. It pays to talk to your partner before you lay down with them, whether you met them two days ago or known for two months about your sexual habits, because some guys think that because you said yes to one thing that you're saying yes to a whole bunch of things. Right. And you're putting water in my hand. Thank you. I now have your fingerprint. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Background check. Fingerprints. Background check. You could be into Luther Vandross, rose petals on the bed and slow music. And then this fool comes out the bathroom with clown shoes, a stepladder and a goat. And you're like, what? Okay. And it just goes out of here. I'm not even kidding. Oi, oi, oi. But you said yes. But you said yes. I'm not surprised. Clown shoes. Because you said yes. You said. You didn't know what you were stepping into, right? But he left out the chair and the whip. Shades of gray. Right. He left out the chair and the whip. Now think about it. The last couple of things really that are very important that I see is never leave your drinks unattended. You know, no matter where you are. Always. One of the most horrific rape cases I ever had was a woman who met a coworker, went and had a drink set. She had the King Eddie and then woke up three days later. But she only found out she was raped because the guy had pictures of her and several other penises in the picture that she didn't even recognize. Oh my God. That's how she found out. So don't leave your drinks. And the thing I want to say before I say the last point is it's never your fault. I don't care what you were doing. I don't care if you were prostituting. I don't care if you were smoking crack. I don't care if you, whatever you're doing. It's never ever your fault. But never. Get so. Inebriated. There's nothing wrong with going out and having ladies. I'm not telling you're trying to control you to tell you not to get drunk, not to have fun, but have some girlfriends with you because there's predators out there. Never get so inebriated where you can't protect yourself from these predators out there. Well, that's one of the reasons why I haven't had a drink in over two years because I'm like, you know, I'm out here, I'm by myself and I've got to have complete ownership of and being completely, you know, aware of all my faculties because it's only me, you know? Right. So yeah. And it's not to say that it's not telling you not to have fun. It's not telling you not to have fun. Right. But just know that because there are sick bastards out there, and I'm sorry, that's not the politically correct answer, who need to be in prison, you know, because, and you don't know who they are. That right there. They could be watching you and waiting for you to get drunk. That's right there. And it ain't necessarily gotta be a man. That's right. It's 2015. Hey, guys, let's do this again. We're about to wrap this up because we're about to run out of time. But I want to do this again. I want to thank you guys for coming on the show. I'm so glad you make yourselves available to me today. But let's make this a regular. I mean, we'll keep in touch and we'll do this again, right? Please have me back. Please. Thank you. Okay, we gotta start a fun. I love you. I love you. Here we go. Go for another. Seriously. I'll hear that again. It was an honor. It was an honor to be here. I know it was an honor. Thank you. I'm glad you all came. I'm glad you all came. This really needed to be done. 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