Norman Trotter interview, gay subculture, and LA news

Hey, that's the scoundrel. Probably get you. Sorry, what'd you say? He's a pillow-biter, you know. The old, uh... Oh, well, I wouldn't know about his sleeping disorders or anything like that, but I'll tell you, I do think he's got some problems. Alcohol and anger, to name a few. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hello world, this is Chris Abalo's podcast experiment and I am Chris Abalo. Welcome to the show. Joining me as special guest this week, you know him as the, as our resident, I don't know what to call you actually. I don't know what the hell you are. Wonderful, it's coming wonderful. You're our, oh that's fabulous, that's what I called you. You're the resident fabulist. That's it. Norman Trotter everybody. Welcome. And there's nothing, I shouldn't, if I was good at this, I would have had a, there it is. There we go. Thank you. There you go. Thanks everybody. Lovely. Much better. Thank you all for tuning in. Whether you're tuning in live or catching up with the show on iTunes or YouTube, we do appreciate that. And please also follow. Follow the show at Cape Pod on Instagram and Twitter. Like the show on Facebook for various updates. We do appreciate that. And a reminder, this show is brought to you in part by, what's so damn funny? Nothing, keep going. Show is brought to you in part by audible.com. Wow. Why? Nothing. You love audible.com. I love audible.com. Norman's had an audible account for like a week and a half. I've had one for damn near five years. And we love it. And for you, dear listeners and fans and friends, audible, the world's leading provider of audio books is offering you. Yes. A free 30 day trial to check out their service and a free audio book download. That is deep. So what you do is you go to audible trial.com slash Cape and sign up for your free trial. Get your audio book for free. Oh. Pick from over 150,000 titles. Yes. And 30 days free to evaluate their service. See if you like what they have to offer, which again, Norman's a fan. He just joined. I've had an audible account for almost five years. I'm thrilled to have them as a sponsor. And I highly, highly recommend audible.com. Now, Norman. Yes. You're awfully giggly tonight. I don't understand. Why are you laughing so much? Nothing. No, there's something. There's gotta be something. It's my personality. It's laugh. It's laugh. All right. Keep going. Sure. So you're here in part because I'm going to chat a little bit about you. Because you forced me to. Yeah. Well, here's the deal. He held me at gunpoint, people. Not at all. Since you were partly involved in the group of myself. Ah, yes. And obviously you and John and Candace. John and Candace have already had one-on-one episodes with me. Mm-hmm. During the first wave of Cape. Cape 1.0, let's call it. And I figured, well, people kind of want to know a little bit about you. By the way, if you want to check out John and Candace's one-on-one chats with me, you can go to chrisabalo.com. Cape 16 is with John Karunas and Cape 20 is with Candace Feltz. It's very deep. So you can check those out. It is very deep. And actually, you know, we should work on maybe getting those into the iTunes feed. As of now, the iTunes feed. Only has these episodes we've been doing from the studio since Cape 32. We'll see about fixing that. We'll get that together. But what? You don't want to hear those? You should. Ah, you will. If you're not involved, you're such a Hollywood narcissist. What? Yeah, you heard me. Sometimes on weekends. No. None of the weekday. No, you live it every hour of the day. So anyway, it's high time we talked a little about you. Because people want to know your story. You, let me tell you. I know you're... You're not really on social media. You don't have Twitter, Instagram, anything like that. Too much. Too much. Yeah. Facebook is enough, people. Facebook is enough. I'm with you. And that's why Twitter is my preferred social media platform. I like Twitter a lot. And I've gotten used to Instagram because of... In part because of the show. And because it now has more users than Twitter. So I thought, okay, I guess I should give it. Yeah. That's so weird. Yeah. It's something like 300,000 monthly active users and Twitter's 260. We talked about it in January. They're just photos. It's a lot of people. I know. I don't really get it. You know what's... As I've been using it more and more though, you know what's funny? And you wouldn't know this because you're not on Instagram. I've been getting spammed by like these Russian cam girl sites. Which kind of freaks me. I mean, I realize everybody probably gets them, but I'm getting these girls like... I don't. Well, you're not on Instagram. See what you're missing? What? Russian girls. Yeah. I should get there right now. Yeah, you should. I know. It's what you've been waiting for. Yeah. It will be like... Hot pic or something. And meanwhile, it's not a photo of me. I think I have two photos of me or something on my Instagram. I'm not really sure. And it doesn't really matter, but I don't really post myself. But then I check the profile just because I'm curious. Just because the name is random. And I'm not assuming it's a, you know, Eastern European name. But it's always cam girls. And I just read the information in like a stereotypical like Bond villain voice. Where it's like, cam girls. You like Russian cam girls? Come. Click. Click. Join. First minute free. $3.99 a minute. That's it. She keeped up on it until two minutes in. That sounds awful. Well, that's how I read it. Because it amuses me. Because it's just spam. Not like it's good for anything. Except fleecing people. You are super giggly. I am not this funny. Even I know that. And the whole concept is silly. Of Instagram or Russian cam girls? Everything. Everything about it. Everything is silly. But I get... I have people tweeting to me, asking me about your social media. And I've said, you're not a social media. I've said, you're not a... I say it on the show every time you're on. You're not on social media. But you have fans. Leave me alone. But you have fans. That's so sweet. There's a fan base waiting for you. Stop it. If you decide to sell out like I did and get on Instagram or Twitter. Despite all the things you've said about them. Because I said the same things and more. Not so long ago. And now I'm just an attention whore. Like everybody else. Oh my God. You are. I totally am. Named a show after me and everything. You did. I did. Oh my God. Right? I'm on it right now. What an egotist. But you have a fan base. All the time. I had somebody, actually a friend of mine, sent me a text today. Because he listened to one of the recent shows. Oh, it was the one we were just talking about. I think it was Cape 37. We were talking about getting snowed in. And John made one of his classic puns, which was, you mean snowseries? Because Canada's talking about going shopping for groceries. And a piece of you died inside. And you, well no. Your response without miscabeat was, you're a piece of shit. So I got that. I got that sent to me in a quote. John, you mean snowseries? Norman, you're a piece of shit. And someone actually did tweet me just the phrase in regard to you. Norman is life. So you have fans. And I kind of get it because. Thanks guys. Let's remember, outside of the LA area, certainly, and New York. In between, there's 40 something other states. I don't know. I'm not very good at geography. There's land. There's a bunch of other states. People. I don't know. A lot of them don't have black people. A lot of them don't have gay people. How is that possible? And. Rainbows exist everywhere, people. So you're supposed to follow the rainbows? Is that what you're saying? And go to a gay club. Like, welcome. I don't know if there are a lot of gay clubs in Minneapolis, maybe. At the end of the rainbow there is. Not a lot in Indiana these days, but that's getting too topical. But I think there's. Touche. I think there's a novelty factor for you because a lot of people don't get exposed to. The. To your perspective. So you kind of have that going for you. I get that. At least with a national audience. I think that's part of the. And you're hilarious. That's. You. Are. See, for not being a performer, which myself and Candace and John are. You're not, but you're just hilarious. And when I told John and Candace you were going to be sitting in on the first show, which has now become a regular thing with the four of us doing this show together. They were thrilled because like, oh, that's such a great idea. You have to have Norman come on the show. If he says no, let me know. And I will make sure. And you said, yeah, you didn't even hesitate, which is great. But not being a performer. Totally. And we enjoy getting together and talking. And we do make each other laugh. You can laugh at me. Disproportionately. People. That place sucks. Tell them what happened. Oh, it's. This was. Tits and booze. Nothing I like. Well, I like the liquor. But that's. You're wrong. Fucking liar. I told him just getting girls going, is your food good? And you're like, it's not good. Your tits suck. I believe. This is why they tune in. By the way. This is why. This is why middle America is tuning in. It wasn't good food. It took forever. So angry. And the most disappointing part was you got double charged. They charged me double. You got charged twice. I was so pissed. The offer would be nothing. There was no good meat of both kinds. The drink wasn't. Speak for yourself. The drink wasn't that great. It took forever. How dare you. At least offer me a penis or something. I mean, I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. I've had enough of that bullshit. A backdoor somewhere like going, if you want the other me, go back there. Like, cool. But no. What? No. No. Wait. Hang on. Which Hooters it was? Which meet? Why? We don't want to call out any particular Hooters. I like Hooters and I go to Hooters semi-regularly. I don't want to come. You son of a bitch. Let me just say, my lawyer's listening. I am a fan of Burbank Hooters. I like going there. I like chicken wings. I like boobs. I like chicken wings. Boobs. Not your thing. The chicken wings, by the way, wasn't that great. What are the best chicken wings you've ever had? The ones I made myself. That's a stupid answer. I'm black. I make some really good chicken. I make some really good chicken. Hey, you're worse. Touche. Touche. You know what? Completely bicolored. Coincidence. I have a fried chicken story we're going to get to in a little bit. Oh, God. Is it racist? No, it's not. I swear it's not, but it's funny that you mentioned that. And I even said, I wonder if this could be vaguely racist. I was actually joking to a friend of ours that the intro song I was going to use for the show was going to be Brown Sugar. For today? Yeah. You piece of shit. What's wrong with you? Well, look, there's two. There's the Rolling Stones one, which everybody knows, and there's the ZZ Top one, which not as many people know, but I love ZZ Top, so it's going to be, got to have some of that brown sugar. It's going to change your life. And with the listeners. They have to agree, Norman. But I still love Lisa Loeb songs. I know you're a fan of Lisa Loeb. I do love Lisa Loeb. You do. Which I had a whole list of things because I thought, well, what would make Norman happy? So there's a few. Now the music on my phone has kind of become a thing. Let's see some of the other ones I listened to over the weekend. That's why I sent you a message because I had a bunch of things narrowed down, but I thought, eh, I don't want to cater. Nothing I suggested. Suggestion. You said you weren't drinking. What? Nevermind. I did have a drink of Vogue. I thought this might've been, might've been a good choice because you're very much. You son of a bitch. But I do know this song. Fuckin' A. This is a great, I love. In Vogue. In Vogue. I love In Vogue. And I thought this might be a good choice. No. It's a good choice if it's me, you and John. What? Why? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let's explore that thinking a little more. Why is it a good song if it's me and you and John? It's two white guys and a black guy. Because it's a reverse Oreo? Yeah. All that cream, guys. It's not that great. What, this song? The current white guys. Oh, wait. I cut you to the quick there. You're like, well, you know. Well, I opted against that. So, I mean, it's still here. I thought this would be a good one, too. Because this suits you. It's yet another 90s flashback. You totally know this song. Don't look confused. I know all the words to this, too. You don't? No? Not yet? It's coming. It's going to get there. I'm going to mime it to you. Really? I know this song, but it's been a long time. It has. Wait, wait till... It's coming. Yes! See, this would have been a good choice. But I thought he might not... Yeah, that's right. You people... You people? You people? You son of a bitch. You didn't go to your show. I didn't finish. You people who are listening to this, the audio, you're going to have to go to check the show at YouTube. Yeah, see, this would have been a smart one. I didn't go with it, though. I remember this song. This song... What is this song called? What is this song called? Freak Like Me. Oh, shit. Adina Howard. What's this doing on my phone? None of your goddamn business. That's everyone's answer. Should we let it play out? No, let's move on. Okay, let's move on. Okay. So anyway, Norman, I'm very happy you're here. Thanks. I'm very happy we get a chance to finally sit and talk. What are you doing? Nothing. Let's... Let's get to know you a little bit. Where did you start? Where did you start out? Where did you grow up? What the hell is this? Let's... It's just you and I. We're just having a discussion. Just two guys sitting... Wait, is it getting intimate now? No. Not necessarily. I'm just trying to have a conversation. Everybody wants to know about the Norman driver. Speak to me. Speak to me, Bala. The fourth. Where'd you start out? Where'd you grow up? I'm a Navy brat. That's right. I moved around a lot. That's it? I bounced around. I'm used to moving to different cities and states. Growing up, I was born in Washington State. This song. Let's get serious, guys. All right, that's enough. Born in Washington, moved to the Philippines when I was one. Moved back to Washington when I was like four or five. Lived there until I was 13. Then came to California and then just bounced around. I'm used to moving from different place to place to meeting new people, which is why I'm so used to, I don't know, cutting people off, I guess. And not attaching yourself to people because you're used to having to say goodbye, that kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah. Is this racist for me to put this on? You are an asshole. I guess. But it's a good thing. It's a good thing because it's taught me to judge people very clearly, you son of a bitch. Like you. I could do this whole song. I don't know what's wrong with you. There's a lot. All right, that's enough. It's like the ghost of... The ghost of 90s past. The ghost of John is inside of you right now. John's probably listening to this. John, you piece of shit. He's enjoying it. No, he's got his James Brown on and he's... I hope he's in the bathroom right now with his headphones in and with his iPod hooked up to this. Like, I don't know. He's jacking off. No, he's... He's jacking off right now. He's listening to... He's listening to... He has not only roofed himself again, he's jacking off to this podcast. He's going to be... By the way, everybody. I hope you get this, John. No, he's jacking off to James Brown. We covered that. So it's going to be blaring in the background when he calls in later because thanks to my cliffhanger last week, so I didn't have a good enough answer for these guys. That's right, you dick. Yeah, John's going to call in later. We're going to discuss my guilty pleasure. If there is one. No, there totally is. I figured one out this week. Relax. So yeah. John Karunas. It better be stupid. It better be good. You're never happy with anything I say. I'm happy. Anyway, so what are you doing in LA? In LA? Yeah. Because you're not a performer. So what's your deal? Oh, I prefer to be behind the camera in terms of the whole film industry thing. So editing. I like being in the computer, story, putting things together. It's fun. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. I know all this, obviously. I'm asking you for the sake of the audience. Of course, yeah. I don't like being in front of the camera like people think I do. I'm like, no. I'm like, no. But you dig it now that you're here. Now you're a fan. Because you force me. You force. You're like, we're friends. We do it because it's great. But no, I don't find it very fulfilling. I don't find it fulfilling. I don't get like a rush from being on camera or being in front of people. I got you. I mean, I do like some attention sometimes. I'm like, hey guys, look at me. Now look away. I'm done. So you're a tease. That's what it comes down to. You're just a tease. I went away and won it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Don't look at me anymore. But you like it here. It's fun. So you want to be here. I love LA. I mean, after moving from Washington state to a whole, it's a culture shock. Well, yeah. But I've been here for such a long time. I can't go back with the weather, the people. It's, well, because I remember like Washington was such a, everyone was so nice. It was such a nice, nice place to live. Everyone's super sweet, super happy, supportive. Here, it's more about really fending for yourself. It can be very isolating. It's narcissistic, which can't, oh, it's not always a bad thing about being narcissistic. And at the same time, it's very, you have to fight for yourself. No one's just going to hand you things, which is, it's a, it builds up your spirit. And if you can't make it, you're just going to crumble and be destroyed, which happens every, you see people coming here all the time going, I'll make it. It's going to be awesome. You're like, you're going to die. You're weak. You don't know how difficult it is. No, it's tough. It's approachable, nice, but not, you know, you have to have a thick skin. Sure. Well, especially in the entertainment industry, just in general. And you and I have worked on, I'm going to say the fringe of it, you know, not as a jab, but we're, you know, we recognize our place in the ecosystem. It's true. We have the opportunity to look in at it and see what people go through. And so when we get in ourselves, we know how to, how to act, which is, it's sad to watch. Sometimes it's also very entertaining. Well, let's, let's cover the sad. Why is it sad to watch? Do you think? To see people try so hard and you know, you know, by how their personality, how their mind works and what they want, that's just not going to work out. And you can't tell them, you just, you can't tell them they have to learn for themselves. So you, you watch someone literally break down and you can't help them. Yeah. You can't. Because if you try, it's just, they're going to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to keep going at it, but harder and to take a lot longer for them to realize the problem of the situation. So it's once again sad yet entertaining. In a schadenfreude kind of way. I'm probably pronouncing that wrong, but do you either watch people fail? We look at that person like, and you're a fuck, cause you're crazy, but keep going. Live the dream. It's not going to work out for you. We all, we all know that person like that in LA. We do. We do. you don't want to you never want to break anyone's dream no no no no well that chances are they won't listen anyway and that's why it's kind of interesting for us you shouldn't listen to anyone who's going to say you're not going to make it and like keep dreaming keep going for it but sometimes you're like you should rethink your plan but that's been one of the good things because we all met you and I and John and Candice and most of the people have been in here through our at a place of dreams well through our through our showbiz work in various ways dreamland yeah Hollywood there was a point there was a point it wasn't often but where it's funny to think of now especially for anyone who's been following the show but where you and I and Candice and John worked together didn't happen often but it happened a couple of times it was a very small window very very small it was it was but we all I think we all have the same mindset though in terms of our goals we also know our own shortcomings which is very very important and we acknowledge the work aspect exactly a lot of people we did touch on it last week a lot of people just think they're going to party their way to it and then they're going to get there and they're going to stay which is possible there are consequences STDs but it's possible and it's fleeting it's going to go away just as fast as K-FIT not those STDs though they're forever guys well no famous fleeting STDs are forever forever I think that's the name of the episode I don't think we're going to top that pretty sure we're going to get a lot of clicks yes people are going to think this is a health and wellness show oh it says entertainment ooh from downtown Los Angeles heart of the entertainment industry oh sweet famous fleeting STDs are forever that should be an inspirational poster with a cat on it I like it graphic designers who are listening tweet it tweet it to at K-Pod or post it on Instagram at K-Pod and and! and tag it or email kathepodcast at gmail.com please we want to see this yes we want to see this alright I have a few a few articles I thought it'd be funny for us to go over we haven't really done the news proper we haven't I have three different articles sent to me today from people and I don't think the intention was hey you're doing the show tonight I get to say I sent you such and such I really don't think that was the legitimate intention but I thought they were all pretty interesting and two of them are local news oh so I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading I've been reading It is a South American practice where the toxin of an Amazonian tree frog is burned into human skin for its purgative effects. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. It isn't officially classified as a medicine, but a growing number of people are practicing Cambo in small group environments for its health benefits. Playboy's Yoonj Kim takes the Cambo for herself in a session with Simon Scott, a practitioner who learned the process from native tribes in the Amazon. While her body expectedly purges itself of the poison, what happens to her face is completely shocking. Find out what happens and how she felt afterward, and there is a video. I haven't watched the video because I don't want to know what happens to her face. Have you heard about the frog poison cleanse? No. Neither have I. No. Sounds horrible, right? It sounds like healthy cocaine. It's healthy cocaine. I don't think this is healthy at all. It's like, hey, guys, oh. I think this is rich people shit. This is bored. Rich people. Because who's like, well, you know what? How do you get the frog in the first place? Raw juice just isn't working for me anymore. I need some frog poison. There was a broth diet kind of recently where it was all soup. That was a thing. I heard about that. Where you just have broth. From soup to frog poison. Now it's gotten to frog poison. Well, no, I think it's really just bored people with nothing else to do. Like there was a thing back in- I want that job. What? To test the frog poison? No. To rub it? To rub it on people's skin? I'm bored and rich. Please. If you have money, give it to me. Well, my friend sent this to me and I read it. I compared it to there was a town in the great state of New Jersey near where I grew up where a couple of years ago there was a bunch of bored housewives were shooting heroin into their ankles because they didn't have anything to do. Their kids were in school. They had nothing to do all day. They didn't work. Respect. Kind of an affluent town. And so they started doing heroin because they were bored. I think this is the same thing. It's like we're bored. That sounds like the greatest show in the world. I don't want to land in- Just the shenanigans that ensue. Like, kids are in school. Sweet. Yeah. Smack in their ankles. Let's get crazy, guys. Hey, girls. Let's do this right now. Kids are in school. We've got eight hours. Let me get my vein up. Hang on. Oh, my God. Awful. I don't know. But that's one of those things where I think this is people who are bored. But if you can afford cocaine as a bored housewife, can you just fly somewhere and go shopping? Oh, that's- I don't- There's so much better ways to use your money. I don't understand. So you want to be someone's bored housewife? Buy some shoes. I would actually save up money and have a second house somewhere and be like, all right, kids. I'm going to be other house. Just live. I don't understand. I don't understand it either. I thought that was- I don't know. That makes you sad. Does it? It makes me so sad. Well. Because you're stupid. It's rich people. Let's move on from that one. Yeah, let's move on from that. Let's get- Let's go over the chicken story. What? Because this is- This is important. Since- I mean, look. Ooh. We can all acknowledge that this- Is it deep? As far as mileage goes, yes. Glad you brought that up. Don't be gross. Canadians make 2,000 mile trip for Kentucky fried chicken. Ready? Yeah, you are. I can tell by the look on your face. Lutfi's son, but from- What the hell is this? I don't know. 2,000 miles might seem like a long way to go for fried chicken. Two men from Canada. Two men from Canada. Two men from Canada. Who took their sons on a journey to the original home of Kentucky fried chicken. Say it's a trip they'll never forget. The Times Tribune reports this is a third trip to the Harlan Sanders Cafe and Museum for Brian Lutfi, one of the fathers who piled the four sons into a van for the 34-hour pilgrimage from Montreal, Quebec. His tales of earlier visits inspired the trip. The friends left on Thursday, traveling to Colonel Sanders' birthplace and burial place before arriving at the Corbin restaurant on Saturday afternoon. For three of the sons, it was the first time they had tasted KFC, and 10-year-old Jesse Janna said it was, quote, delicious, exclamation point. Is there anywhere you would drive 2,000 miles to get their food? Number one, it's called a plane. Take it. It's quick. It's nice. Montreal has an airport, don't they? Number two, it's called oil, sunflower, seasoning. Just plop it in there, fry it. It's all fresh. It's like a chicken. I don't know. It's a strange concept, right? I think it's the brand. It's so weird. No, you're stupid. I think it's the brand appeal. Don't you think so? For someone outside the country, they're like, I would love KFC. I believe they have KFC in the UK and McDonald's. It's just fried chicken. Anyone can make it. I don't understand. What we want to know is who's going to make the 2,000-mile trip to Norman's to try his chicken, because apparently it's better than KFC and Hooters. My chicken's amazing, by the way, number one, because I can make it. Is that a euphemism? I don't... Never mind. What's that supposed to mean? The listeners get it. I don't get it. Do you get it? You make good chicken. I understand. What's the dirty part of making me fried? Don't worry about it. It's all right. I don't get it. Fried chicken? Is it my butt? Is it my butt? No. But now that you brought it up... No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Forget it. We're moving on. Oh, Norman. It's been... I know you're not a fan of the show, even though you're on it, but it's been a lingering theme lately with this show, which has been... KFC? No, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. Carl's Jr.? Tacos? No. What the... Calm down. We've talked quite a bit about the Hustler Store in Hollywood. Have you been? Just say yes. No. You're terrible at improv. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Because it's awesome. It's a lot of fun. You've never been there? Just to look around, it's a good time. No. Yes. It's an awful time. Why? Why would I go there? Because it's funny. No, it's not. Yeah, it really is. It's like Hooters all over again. No, it's... To buy things again. Listen, there's... What? What's there for me? I, as spoken about on the show in previous weeks, there were penis lollipops that they have that have been purchased. Our friend Sherry bought one. It better be big. And raved about it. It'd be cream spitting my mouth. I don't know. It doesn't sound appealing to me. Well, interesting follow up. Is it delicious? Well, Sherry finished it now as type two diabetes. So it's pretty sizable. No, it's awful. Not really. You really know how to run with stuff. Man. All right. Well, this is, this was sent to me. I can't, the link isn't working now, but I'm going to pull it up because it's interesting. You know that obviously Sunset's being renovated. A bunch of stuff's closing. No. No. What's the matter? You're not going to Hollywood? No. Yeah, whatever. I'm old. I'm seeing bourbon, guys. Yeah. Norman, by the way, he doesn't have, as we talked about, social media accounts, but Norman next week is turning 30. Oh, fuck you, Apollo. So April 14th. I'm excited about that. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be awesome. I'm going to turn 30. Raise one for Norman. Don't raise me one. Send me money. Where do they send it? Don't give out your address. I'm dead serious. Send it to Chris Amalo. People are going to mail you fried chicken. Send it to Skid Row people. No. Send it to Skid Row. Do not mail presents here to the studio. We like it here. Send Hustler Hollywood gift certificates to the following address. Don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Do you remember? Do you remember that when you used to have to write in to get stuff in the mail for more? You know, the address would come up at the end of the show or the commercial. It was always, well, I did all the time and it was always like, I have to send mail to New York. They probably didn't have that in Washington. That's awful. Because they didn't have internet. How are you supposed to get stuff? Eh, forget it. You're not that old at all. Anyway. We are not that far apart in age. Shut up. I know. I'm totally joking. So anyway, just as a quick recap. Yes. A bunch of stuff in the Sunset Strip because everyone regards Sunset as being dead, as being demolished and then turned into apartments, condos, et cetera. Sexy. Yes. No, no, not at all. I don't know. Anyway. Was it good? So the news, this is according to page six. Gwyneth Paltrow has purchased a prime piece of Sunset Strip property from Larry Flint and will replace the publisher's sex store with a high-end nightclub, sources said. Flint's Hustler Hollywood has been peddling sex toys at 8920 Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood since December 1998. And it's a good time out. The building is an escrow and the Hustler Hollywood store will be moving to a new location in Hollywood later this year, Flint's rep Arthur Sandoz said. The current location will remain open until that time, which is good because it's a good time. Paltrow and business partner Gary Landisberg quietly made the deal recently with plans to replace Hustler Hollywood with a super high-end restaurant and night spot, the Arts Club, TMZ reported. That was the article I was actually trying to pull up. The establishment will be modeled on similar clubs in London and Aspen, Colorado with expensive membership fees to join. Ready for this? At least $2,000 and another $2,000 in annual dues. According to TMZ, there will also be a strict dress code. I appreciate Quinta the Paltrow so much. Why? Because she doesn't know how people work. She was raised such a way where she doesn't understand. There's a part of me that's jealous. How do you feel? I'm like, why wouldn't people want to join a club that's $2,000? Why wouldn't they want to go to that in West Hollywood? It's like an alien trying to pretend to be a person and trying to become a person. She has a fleshy face mask on. It's not real. So it's like Men in Black. She's just masquerading as a human being. She is. She is. And it's hilarious. There's a part of me that's jealous. If I'm being honest. I'm kind of jealous of her just being completely out of touch. Like to say. She is out of touch I still She's beautiful She works out hard But She doesn't She doesn't understand There's like you know Lower class Middle class She's never experienced Those two classes So she doesn't get it And so when people complain She's like I'm trying to help people I don't understand I'm like no bitch You're trying to help rich people Shut the fuck up What are you doing? You need to stop Do you think You don't go over there As we established You don't go to West Hollywood But do you imagine I'm a bad gay I don't go to West Hollywood very much That's I wasn't going to bring that up But now that you did Do you think anybody in West Hollywood Is going to pay two grand To go to a club? Yes What's wrong with you? Yeah you think? Yes of course I do Wow Now with her name We're in LA Of course they're going to Have to of course Say they've been there Have to Because they can You think I think her name would have For people like For the underlings People love Gunna Paltrow People love what she stands for Yes Do they? She's still big Her website does amazingly well She has a big following She does But I think there's a certain I think there's a certain Stink on her I'm not putting her down No there is I'm just saying there are people Who are way put off by her And things like this But the thing is It's those two classes That are separated So on one side She's praised Other side she's Put down upon But as long as she's the one That's praising her That has the money That's the money It's fine The poor people hate her And the rich people love her So she's fine So it's like a politician Exactly Catering to the The poor people hate her All they want to But the rich people love her So what are you going to do? What's your opinion? You go Gunna Paltrow Which if you were a bored housewife In Beverly Hills Would you go to Gunna Paltrow's $2,000 club? I would And I would be a total bitch about it I'd walk in with a With stink face But like This is it This is it? Dumb bitch That Hooters and Burbank Is better That would be awful Can't stand it here Oh my god With cocaine in my ankle It was heroin Where am I? It'd be amazing It'd be awful It would be fun to experience But I don't know That I could live it myself If I went to a place like that I don't Like I said She would kill you On psych or something Apollo Why? She would see the poverty In your eyes You don't belong here Don't shoot Till you see the poverty In their eyes You don't make money Kill him That's what happens She has a firing squad Outside guarding the place And they would probably Cook you And eat you In the club Yeah Yes They might Yeah At that price range They'd be like You gotta be serving Something rare And Chris Abalo's pretty rare Hey guys Human flesh Of poor people It's amazing Let me tell you Ladies Rare Are you telling All the ladies in the world To eat you Out? I'm open to suggestions If anyone wants to Look tweet me At Chris Abalo And we'll see what goes Send a picture And proof of age Thank you You should be My publicist I think I found the job Because you're cracking up So obviously I'm hilarious And you're not And you're looking out For my well-being I am, you know What? I have to say I had a recent STD test You did? No Oh, you mean for that? Sorry Wow, Abalo My mind is a flutter Jesus What are you into? What are you attracted to? Well, no shit Wait a minute Wait a minute I got a second This is a revelation What? No, I'm curious I'm honest What are you into? What are you attracted to? In terms of Like daily Physical Every day Wait Let's go superficial With it Physical Because you're a single man Are you talking about Like dating Are you talking about Like, you know Into in terms of hobbies? No, no I meant dating Like attracted to Not like what are you into Like I really I like scrapbooking And Stamps Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah That's super sexy, guys. Audible.com. Audible trial. Audible trial.com slash cape. That'll get you on Norman's good side and mine, frankly. Anyway, no, what? I'm curious. My taste. Your type. Well, let me tell you my celebrity crush. Okay. That will give everyone a better insight rather than just describing it. There are a few, but give us one. There are a couple. My number one, as of right now, Lee Pace. Okay. So hot, tall, manly. Oh, my God. That's amazing. I want to do things with that guy. Of course, Henrik Abel. Yes. Yo, Zito. We've talked about it. Why not? It's been mentioned. Jesus. Matt Bomer. He is not my type. Matt Bomer is not my type whatsoever, but he's so beautiful. I can't say no. Okay. You heard it here. Matt Bomer's listening. You seem to like know Matt Bomer. Then you're like, ah, whatever you want to do, it's fine. He's a good looking dude. I probably wouldn't say no for being honest. He's what Ken, the Barbie doll that Ken wants to be. He's a dark haired Ken. He is. Raven haired Ken. He's better. But, you know, I prefer bigger, same height. Certain to tall, muscular white dudes. I am. Okay. I am. Thanks. No problem. I'm sure you had that figured out already, but just for the sake of bringing anyone up No twinks, guys. No twinks. Yeah. We were talking about this last week. What is it you're classified as? I drove you back from the show last week. I drove you home because you were fucking hammered. But anyway. I was unhammered. I had one bottle of wine. What are you considered in the gay community? You were explaining this in the car. I believe I'm considered an otter. That sounds vaguely racist as well. An otter. Why? Explain, because I don't know. What does that mean? An otter is a bigger male. Okay. But I'm between a bear and a jock where I'm not muscular, but I'm not like big either. I don't have very much hair on me, so I'm an otter. That's interesting. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. Gay culture. Okay. You are awesome. Cheyenne just pulled up the Wikipedia page for bear. I know what a bear is. I know what a bear is. I know what a bear is. I know what a twink is. Otter. That was the first time I heard otter. An otter is in between a bear and a jock. And a jock is someone that's muscular, but not too muscular. So with a super muscular. Because there's muscular and then jock. So a jock's more fit. Gotcha. Ah. You came in. Are you a jock, otter, bear, or wolf? What's a wolf? A wolf is something like super hairy. Oh. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. That makes more sense to me than the otter thing. I had to ask anyway, but once again, middle America wants to know, Norman. I'm an otter. I'm an otter. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. You are the gateway to the gay community. Oh. You're welcome to read the description. Oh, my gosh. No, you can. Please read. In a woman's voice, it's going to sound way better than in my voice. Go ahead. Pipe yourself in. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. So I pulled up the webpage and it says, in the gay world, an otter would be considered a thin gay male that is hairy and may or not use the thinner trimmer to shorten body hair. Some have beards. Some do not. Otters are usually smaller in frame. Some are more thin in frame when compared to the heavier cub or bear. Otters look a lot like what you would see in a picture of an otter. That's not flattering at all. They are hairy. They are hairy. A person can be an otter regardless of age. Otters are considered to be a part of the larger bear community. And the example they give is Scott Can. Scott? Scott Con? Con. C-A-N? Okay. Who the hell's that? He's on the Wi-Fi. Pull up an IMDb for Scott Con, please. So Norman. Norman can judge if he's an otter. Sure. Hold on. Anyway. I'm not a bear. I'm not a twink. No, you're not a bear. I'm not a jock. I'm not a twink. Not a muscle. Now, twink is an age-oriented classification. Not really. It's not young men? Twink is more younger, skinny guys. Okay. What do you call an old twink? What is that? Avengers? Wait, what is this? I don't know. Oh, that's probably an ad. Okay. But it's all across his face. Let me close that out. But I saw his face, though. I saw his face. Well, hey, there we go. How about that? Are you an otter? Based on Scott Con, would you say you're otter-ish? I'm closer in body type to him than a bear. Okay. Gotcha. Is he an attractive man? He is, but he's short. Is he? He's like 5'6 or something. Well, we can't have that. Listen, I can't look down. How about that? I can't look down. I can't look down. I can't look down. I understand. I don't want to... I can't have that. I mean, I can't because I've never dated a girl taller than me. I'm six feet tall, so it hasn't happened yet. You like it. I'm 6'1". I can't... No, I understand. That's what I'm saying. I get it from your perspective because you would prefer they be taller than you. I feel like this eye level, like, you know, yeah. Okay. Yeah, but Lee Pace is like 6'7". Isn't he? He's huge. Oh, he's like 6'3". He's beautiful. I thought he was way taller than that, actually. Actually. Okay. I didn't know that. Halton Catch Fire is coming to Netflix, though. I saw that and thought of you because he's on that show. I'm going to watch it. I've never seen it. I'm really bad at new shows. I'm really bad. I can only watch two or three shows at a time. I don't know anything about it other than that he's in it. I never heard of it. I know it's his butt. My friend tells me all about it. Well, we're not pulling that up now. Let's see. Lee Pace's ass. No. They will require an age restriction if we do that. We're not going to do that. But you can look it up. You can look it up in your own time. If you folks want to look up Halton Catch Fire. Picture everybody. Picture his butt right now. Or if you can picture Lee Pace. Oh, if people don't know Ronan from Guardians of the Galaxy, you couldn't tell it was him under all that makeup and the costume. I could. I knew. Well, that's the only reason you wanted to see the movie. I was like, oh, shit, Lee Pace. And Lord of the Rings. That's right. He was in Lord of the Rings. That's the only reason I watch those movies. Really? Did Long Blonde Hair do it for you or no? Really? It's Lee Pace. His voice is amazing. I have a question. And I'm asking because you're an objective. Actually, frankly, out of the group, out of the, let's say the, we still didn't come up with a name for ourselves. That went nowhere last week. But out of you and I, Candace and John, you're the only one among us who's into guys. So frankly, I need to ask you. I was reading an article in Men's Health this week, or on their website rather, about men shaving their legs. Where do you stand on that? And I'm just asking you personally. This isn't me suggesting this is how the gay community feels, just if anybody's. Feeling offended. I don't care. Really? It doesn't matter to me. Hmm. Well, you don't care that we naturally have nice legs. Trimming and shaved. Yeah. I mean. Leg man. What? Are you a leg man? Is that your thing? I do like legs. Okay. But I don't care. You've complained about it. I feel like it's like if. I don't want too much hair. I don't want. If it's like, you know. You don't want a wolf. A bear. I'm like, you need to fix that. Don't touch me. Go somewhere. Have it waxed. I don't want any of that. But I'm not. I don't really care too much about the hair, though. It's not a big deal. Okay. You can do whatever you want. That was the response. The minority was women who like men with shaved legs. Completely shaven, which I think would be weird. I mean, I know guys who are athletes or who are swimmers or things like that. They like it, yeah. Yeah, for athletic reasons. Or guys who shave their arms for the same reason. That seems like too much of a commitment for me. It hasn't really been that big. Because the hair on guys is kind of a natural thing. So I'm like, whatever. Do what you want. It's almost the hair on the back that gets me. Wait, you mean like if it's a sweater? If it's like, yeah. I'm like confused by it. Like as I get older, I'm like, I don't care. It's fine. You're going to start sprouting hair on your back. I'm like, don't you say that. You will. Fuck you, Apollo. It's awful. I will go to a waxer. It's not out of control. No, don't say that. It's disgusting. I will never have hair on my back. Don't. Don't. Listen, I wish somebody told me when I was 18. You probably are just, this is, you're closing in on your peak. Don't. But it's going to go downhill. What do you mean? Closing in on my peak? No, I'm saying I wish someone had spoken to me when I was 18 and said, listen, you're lean and you do okay. As far as look wise. Because you're slender and you're a good guy. But things are going to change because you know how people get older? Yeah, it's going to happen to you too. You would not have listened. You'd be like, you're an asshole. You're an asshole. Unfortunately, yeah. How would you say those things to me? I kind of wish I had sent myself an anonymous note. If I could, I wonder if I would have done that. A note for the past or the future. You're like, what the fuck? An anonymous note. This is my future. This is from someone who cares about you. You just need to know that after 27, man, it's going to be like going down the hill of a roller coaster. Listen, I have no hair on my back. I'm turning 30. You're still in your 20s. I'm doing good. It's going to happen. Shut up about that. Don't say those things to me. You're going to assume I'm putting a hex on you, but I swear I'm not. You are putting a hex on me. If I get a singer on my back, I will kill you. All right. Fair. Has nothing to do with genetics. It's all my fault, but sure. It is, you witch. Leave me alone. We haven't heard from John yet, huh? He hasn't called in? No. He's roofied. That's what the problem is. I had, listen, even if he doesn't call in, if for some reason he forgot, or fell asleep, or, you know. Then I will never forgive him. I will never forgive him. Let me tell you about an embarrassing moment I had actually during the week. With John? No. Oh. I can embarrass myself without John's help, for the record. I was in my car, and I was pulling into a parking lot, going into a store, and I was listening to the Adam Carolla show, and Joe Coy was the guest. We are? Yes, Joe Coy. Loveline? No, no, no. His show, his daily podcast. I was listening to it on my iPod, and it was just at the moment, they, well, whatever they were talking about, and then Joe Coy was the guest, says, and it was a nice day, because it was a nice week. It was topped out at like 84, so I was driving around with the window open and everything, and I probably shouldn't have had the volume. It wasn't blaring, but it was probably a little louder than it should be if you're listening to essentially talk radio. Maybe turn the volume down on this, folks. Just, you know, heads up. And as I'm pulling into the spot, Joe Coy says, yeah, I was watching this porno, and this guy's getting a blowjob, and to my right, the car next to me, hot girl, window down, turns and gives me a look like I just told, like I knew something dirty about her mother. It was really embarrassing. I didn't respond at all. I just, I saw her, I turned my head and just kind of noticed her look of disgust and just turned back around like nothing happened, but I was like, man, just bad timing. One of those moments that you just kind of wish, ugh, can you believe it? Is that embarrassing? Just to have the thing- Is that embarrassing? Well, it doesn't bother me because I'll never see her again. At least odds are I'll never see her again. Like a blowjob? But just the fact that all she heard was a man's voice saying, I was watching a porn and this guy's getting a blowjob and turns around and sees that I'm listening to that. Yeah, it was just timing. It's just silly and I'm laughing about it, but man, that was pretty embarrassing, I gotta say. Could have been worse. It could have been way worse. It could have been, I'm watching the porn and critiquing it and then that really would have been bad timing. This could have been a better story. Wow. Well, let's hear, you're the one who's like, I don't like anyone's stories. Let's hear a story from you then. I don't have anything set up right now for a story. You have experiences. Oh, goodness gracious. You're just like pissing on everyone else's stories. That's Norman's thing. If it's bad, it's bad. I mean, that wasn't me. That's the soundboard. Couldn't help it. You're a monster. A story in terms of what? What do you mean? I just said a funny story. Clock's ticking now, so we're going to have to go out on something. That wasn't funny. That was awful. I didn't say it was funny. I just said it was an embarrassing moment I had. That was... I never said it was going to be a laugh riot. All I said was it's in one of those moments that had to be said. I was pulling up next to somebody. It had to have been anybody. It had to have been a housewife with three kids in the car. It still would have been embarrassing. Here's the story then. Okay. So... The story sucks, Norman. Go ahead. Me and you used to work in a place where we had to like talk constantly. And it gets to a time where you say things again and again and again that you just say things... You go on autopilot. You go on autopilot. Like you press play and the other part of your brain just walks away. And you're like, whatever. Yeah. Things are happening. But sometimes the disc skips. And things come out. And you're like, oh, just keep going. And there's a certain part where we're supposed to say cities. And I have people with me of different ages. And instead of saying cities, I say titties. Like, hey guys, titties. Like, are you loud? And I have a split second to go, should I fix this? I'm like, no, keep going. And coming from you, they were really confused. And I was like, I am not going to acknowledge this. Why? I'm not going to talk about it again. Like, hey guys, titties. Follow me. Let's go. How is that even on that guy's mind? I don't understand. I don't understand at all. Titties, guys, titties. And I was like, I'm not going to... No, I'm not talking about this anymore. My experience wasn't as embarrassing. I now understand why you're so unimpressed with what I had to say. All right. All right. We're running out of time and we haven't heard from John, unfortunately. Aw, John, you asshole. Although he can still call in. No. I'll find you, John. I'll put you in the balls. And say goodnight and tuck our listeners in. No. With his what? His dirty, broofy hands? Over the phone? Don't touch me, John. Not really. With his soothing voice. With his nasty beard. Wait, mustache. He doesn't really have a beard. Yeah, but he kind of... He was down kind of... He just had stubble kind of last week. Don't help him. I'm not helping him. It's a fact. No. We have video footage. An hour of him without a beard. I don't like it. Should he be clean shaven? I don't like his face. At all? No. With or without a beard? Bad news. But actually, that's interesting. All the guys you mentioned you have crushes on are clean shaven. At least the majority of the time. I guess. I guess not. I mean, bears are cool sometimes. Game of Thrones. What? It depends on the person. Well, next we have to talk about your taste in ladies. No, because we're out of time. But I will tell you my guilty pleasure. Oh, yeah. Go for it. Well, we are going to go over the next one. Okay. Say it. Say it. Say it. It's something I noticed during the week, like you guys said. See, the same thing that happens and then you kind of point it out. Not crazy embarrassing, but I've noticed I will find myself kind of killing time walking around a mall. Like, not to, didn't go there for anything. Don't have any real reason to be there. I'll go walk around and still leave with nothing, but I will have killed two hours for no good reason. I say that's kind of a guilty pleasure. That's stupid. Well, yours was anime and you love it. I love anime. I hate you so much. I will go and waste time somewhere. You're like an old person. Why are you doing this? Is that your guilty pleasure? I don't have a pedometer, but that was the thing I found myself doing this week that I went in and I was just walking around. What? Did you have a fanny pack with you? No. Were you doing a class around the mall? I was just window shopping. I hate you. No, you don't. Not at all. What? I can't believe you. That's what I get. And with that, we're out of time. Sorry. Not talking about my tasting ladies this week, folks. Next time. Maybe next time. Norman will be back in two weeks on April 20th with Candace and John as well. What? So. I thought it was just me. Create some more Norman. No, it's not. This was a one-time deal. I fulfilled my quota. We're done. You and I are done. We've done nothing but criticize. We've done nothing but criticize. We've done nothing but criticize. You've been with me for the last 56 minutes. It's a long walk back to North Hollywood, man. You were playing with fire. Enjoy your walk home in the rain. You son of a bitch. It's going to rain tomorrow, too. You're freaked out and so is everybody else. I won't be in a car tomorrow. It's going to be in the rain because you'll be walking. I'll be safer. Probably. Probably. Well, if somebody skids off the road, you might be fucked. Thanks a lot. Because people can't drive. Well, look. I'm not wishing. I'm not putting it on you. I'm just saying people can't drive in the rain around here. Once again, which? Trying to hex me. May your hair, may your back sprout hairs. Ha ha. That's right. I said it. No? Whatever. Just end the show. We will. Once again, everybody, if you want to support the show, audibletrial.com slash cape. Get your free audio book download. Get your free 30-day membership to check out their service. You can't follow Norman. He's invisible on social media because he's invisible on social media. Leave me alone. Yeah, you're going to have to leave him alone. Yes. But follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at capepod. And like the show on Facebook once again. And email the show, capethepodcast at gmail.com. And follow me at Chris Abalo on Twitter. And Chris sells out on Instagram. And tune in every Monday night, 9 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, skidroastews.com. Subscribe on iTunes, as well. So until next time, for Norman Trotter, this is Chris Abalo. And this was yet another experiment.