Raina Amaya interview, Sketchy Characters, YouTube Talk

I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. I don't think your mic was on. The characters is back. This unfortunately will be the final sketchy characters of the semester, the season, the school year, whatever you call it. YouTube Talk, a relatively new segment. It's only the second time we've done it where Sal and I have been so affected by something we saw on the internet that we felt we had to pine on it and share it with the listeners. Then we have our guests, the lovely, talented Raina and Maya, followed by Chris's Corner, and of course, Sal's Weekly Rant. And if we have time, Sal and I are prepared to do some more sharing with you guys. In a segment you all know and all love called Greatest Disappointment. You know what? I would love to involve Raina in that segment, but looking at her bio and looking at her beauty, she has nothing to contribute to Greatest Disappointments. She's never had a disappointment in her life, I'm certain. Let's go ahead and get this thing started, Chris. What do you say? All right, let's kick it off with Sketchy Characters. Nick, you ready for us? And now Sketchy Characters presents Live From My Fuck Cellar. Greetings, cyberspace minions. Welcome to another edition of Live From My Fuck Cellar. I'm your host, Archduke Bluntbett. Shout out to this week's sponsor, Sullivan's Hardware, your one-stop shop for all your capture, containment, and disposal needs. This week's special, 55-gallon polyethylene drums for only $49.99. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Now, let's welcome this week's guest, a trapper with 12 verified trophies, Predator magazine's sneakiest man alive, Lord Leather! Thank you, Duke. It's my pleasure to be here. Lord Leather, before we delve into your gift for setting soulless skin suits free from the prison that is their meaningless lives, I was hoping you might give my studio audience a taste of your other talent. It seems Lord Leather is also an accomplished yodeler. Woo! Give us a few bars. No, no, I'm here on business, not pleasure. You know, Duke, failure to distinguish between the two is the reason so many of our brothers wind up behind bars. Lighten up, Leather. Give the people what they want. Fine, you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. How about in honor of last week's show, How about in honor of last week's show, you twisted my arm. Great job, Leather. Now, let's talk submissions. You bet. But first, I'll need a volunteer. We just happen to have one on hand. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Megan Smythe, missing since March of last year. Help me. Help me. Help me. Megan, or as she'll soon be known, Jane Doe, comes to us all the way from Orange County. Always remember, when stalking wild game, the element of surprise is key. Nothing blunts a debutante's awareness of her surroundings like jewelry on the ground or a baby doll with a believable cry. When your quarry moves in to investigate, you strike from behind. My favorite method for taming shrews who have yet to realize that only when they no longer possess any sense of worth will they know that Master loves them unconditionally is the rear naked choke. Often used by practitioners of Brazilian jiu-jitsu. First, your dominant arm encircles the throat, then the arm. Like so. Your elbow should be right where the neck begins. Now, use your free hand to tighten the hold like you would a headlock. About one minute in, she'll go stiff as a board, immediately followed by a total loss of consciousness and muscle rigidity. But don't panic. That's just her body resigning itself to serving you. Now, I'll demonstrate that one more time. Megan. Megan, pet. Wake up, please. And one more time. Dominant arm encircles the throat, free hand applies pressure, hold till she goes wet noodle. Now, confine her to your carpeted quiet box and presto, you've met your paramour. Thank you, Lord Leather. And let's hear it for Leather's lovely assistant, Megan. Megan, take a bow. Megan. Megan, wake up. You're embarrassing yourself. Well, folks, Megan has proven herself unworthy of Lord Leather's love. And luckily for her understudy, Madison, we're out of time. Many thanks to Wes Hanbright of Orange Dog Music and Jeremy Henson, Skid Row Studios. Tune in next week when my guest will be Master of Disguise, Baron Von Asphyxian. Remember, folks, be the strange you wish to see in this world. Bye-bye. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My God, Sal, that was a particularly macabre edition of sketchy characters. I spent the whole time, I wasn't even listening to this guy. I was just watching to see if our guest would flee the studio. I was assuming she has already left the building. Luckily, we have a giant panoramic window that allows us to keep our eye on fleeing guests. Well, I want to start like just piping in CNN or something out there instead of our actual show so people don't know what they're getting involved with. People, yeah, applause. We'll just add our own applause. And the winner of this year's... humanitarian award goes to Sal Rodriguez and Chrissy of Registered Earfedgers. By the way, I really enjoyed during the yodeling portion, how you looked at the clock. You're like, how fucking long is that a yodel? I didn't know that the whole yodel was going to be included. Hey man, it's the whole USC fight song. Well, that was Sketchy Characters. Thank you for listening. Yeah. So let's move into a YouTube talk now. So here's the deal guys. Basically I came across this video by pure happenstance. It's called McDonald's Employee Take No Bitch Slap. I, once again, McDonald's Employee Take No Bitch Slap, parentheses, fast food beat down. And essentially it's this guy and it's happened, I think a couple months ago, earlier this year. It's kind of old already, but you know, it's, it's, it's old, but it's gaining popularity now. Yeah. And here's, and I remember, I remember feeling sort of the same way when I first heard the news is when I actually saw the video very recently. And that is that this man had been, been treated very poorly. He's, he's working at McDonald's for Christ's sake. Two women who all witnesses agree were intoxicated, uh, become loud with him because he questioned him. And he questioned the authenticity of a bill they presented. The woman slaps him in the face, unprovoked, jumps the counter to attack him. Uh, and, and as, as does the other one. And somewhere along the line, I don't know how or where from he procures like a steel rod, like a, like a metal rod. It just happens to be close by. Every McDonald's has one of those just in case. It's like a break glass. And, uh, man, the McRod, he puts a beaning on this woman. Now here's the thing. I hate when other, when people stand outside and comment on how other people behave in violent situations. I hate when other people stand outside and comment on how other people behave in violent situations. When you're fighting for your life, when you feel threatened, you, you, you don't act logically. You don't, you know, there's no, uh, line in the sand for you to observe. You're just fighting for your life. And this guy has gotten such a bad rap, including to the way, including the way that the, uh, the news clip that we're going to play for you guys portrays him. Uh, and, and I, I think a lot of factors come into play. I don't know if race is one of them. He has a criminal history. That's definitely one of them. And in fact, the news presents that as though it's relevant, which really rubs me the wrong way. Because again, he was the one attacked. He was the one that was the victim of unapproved, unprovoked attack. And yet they keep stating the fact that he has a criminal history as though that had anything to do with it, which it clearly didn't. Well, this clip you're about to play pretty much makes the women complete victims, right? Okay. I do question that as well. If the situation was reversed, I, I, I sincerely doubt that the, that the person who was attacked would have any charges filed. And the reason I say that is because this gentleman later on was charged with certain offenses by the police. Uh, and I frankly don't think he should have been. Uh, and the voice you're going to hear is a newscaster from channel two news. A lovely, attractive woman, a very attractive, ethnically ambiguous woman. Yeah. Over an order at a Manhattan McDonald's leads to complete chaos and it was all caught on tape. We want to warn you, this is disturbing video and audio. CBS two's Chris Raggy joins us from the newsroom with more on this. Chris. Yes, Christine, we can't emphasize that enough. This video, these images, very disturbing to look at. So we do issue that warning right now, but sources tell CBS two, this is a cashier with a criminal history who violently, violently attacked two unruly customers. It is a horrific scene to watch a cashier using a metal rod to brutally beat two female customers who provoked and then charged over the counter at him inside this Greenwich village McDonald's on West fourth street. This gruesome act of violence early yesterday morning escalated after the customers argued and yelled obscenities. At the cashier when he questioned a $50 bill that they gave him. That's when the situation turned violent. Watch as one of the female customers slaps the cashier. Now watch on the left as one woman jumps over the counter while the other woman goes behind the register on the right of your screen. That's when they were attacked. Other customers watched in horror as other McDonald's workers tried to stop the violence. Okay, now we've got some updates for you on this entire situation. One female customers suffered a fractured skull and a broken arm. The other female customer just a deep cut, but we can tell you this according to eyewitnesses at the McDonald's both seem to be intoxicated at the time. Both women are charged with criminal mischief and menacing. Now the cashier 31 year old Ray on Macintosh was arrested, charged with felony assault. Now he's got a violent past as well. He served more than a decade in prison after shooting and assaulting a woman. They're both in the hospital right now, but they're They're both in the hospital right now, but they're both in the hospital right now, but they're both in the hospital right now, but they're They're both in the hospital right now, but they're both in the hospital right now, but they're both in the hospital right now, but they're after shooting and killing a high school classmate back in the year 2000. Plenty more on this coming up as it comes into our CBS 2 Newsroom. I'm Chris Ragge live in the CBS 2 Newsroom. Back to you. Well, his last name is McIntyre, so he's obviously an Irishman. He's an Irishman with a hell of a tan. He can. Well, you know what? I don't think it's a racial issue at all. Apparently, they're all black, all of them. But I believe it is a sex issue, because I think if these were two men that attacked a McDonald's worker and then she took out a rod and beat the shit out of him, she would be praised. She would be utterly praised. I'm just not clear on since when is successfully defending oneself. I mean, when you go to file charges on someone, do you factor in the fact that, well, hey, they turned out to be a good fighter, so now we're going to charge them with something. You know what I mean? If he had turned out to be somebody less physically capable of defending himself, if that rod hadn't inexplicably been by his side, would they not have charged him? Because that's what it sounds like. It sounds like these idiots got very unlucky. They picked the wrong person to fuck with, and when they got a beat down, suddenly he should be punished for the fact that he's really good at defending himself. Yeah, he's really good at defending himself. And you know what? I like how they said these women were charged with mischief. Mischief? What the fuck? That's something like Dennis the Menace does mischief. Yeah, that's when you egg somebody's house on Halloween, I would think. That's teeping somebody's house with toilet paper is mischief. Yeah, but I— This is not mischief. You saw it in the video. They attacked him. They slapped him. You know, let's get one thing straight. You know, Chris and I believe in the independence and equality of women. However, women seem to believe they can get away with slapping men. Why do women think they can slap men? You cannot slap a man. That is assault. Yeah, I would say be careful what you wish for, because if you want to be somebody's equal, if you want to hit them, then equal means that they can equally respond to whatever you just provoked them into. Yeah, and there's numerous videos. There's a video of women attacking men. Nobody attacks anybody. Women should not attack men. Men should not attack women. Nobody attack anybody. But I think there's a couple examples in this YouTube clip, Sal, of these people kind of not taking a very courageous stance and saying what we're saying right now, because even the words that the male newscaster chose, he said, who violently attacked. That's what he used to describe the man who was defending himself. Yeah. And if you just heard that portion and didn't see the video, I mean, I don't think you can say that somebody attacked somebody when they were behind a counter. That person slaps them, jumps the counter, rushes them clearly with the intention of doing them bodily harm. That's not an attack. No. And I just think it's a shame, because here's the thing. They say this guy has a criminal history. He's out of prison. He's trying to do what you're supposed to do, you know, to get a job, to move on with his life. And these people come crashing into his life and fuck it up and will likely, I mean, even if he doesn't go back to jail, this isn't going to be fun for him. He's going to lose his job, have to spend how much time in court, you know, have this on his record. It's just a shitty break for a guy who, you know, may have already had a bunch of shitty breaks. And if you want to say, well, he shouldn't have been out in the first place, well, that's the legal system. I mean, why is a guy who shot somebody out in the first place? But either way, I just, I don't see this guy as, you know, as deserving of any culpability. I think that a judge should be very lenient on him. He was obviously provoked. He was attacked. He was defending himself. Was he? He was arguably overly aggressive. Well, that's up for a court to decide, but he was, I believe, defending himself. So I would be lenient if I were a judge. We got to go ahead and move on, man. We are running short on time. We got to get into our next segment, which is our special guest today. I hope you'll forgive me, Sal. It's just her bio is so lengthy and so full of content that I had to pare it down a little bit. Raina is a standup comedian, a writer, actor, host, and experienced voiceover artist. She performs all around Los Angeles and at the Comedy Store, the Comedy Union, Flappers, Pasadena. Flappers, Pasadena's Ice House. She's written. She has writing experience, comedy, news, radio scripts, PSAs, TV commercials. And she's a huge voiceover act. She records radio, TV commercials, animated characters, educational software programs. And she's educated on top of that. Raina has earned her PA in media arts at Emerson College in Boston. Please welcome our guest for Friday, December 14th, Raina Amaya. Hello, Raina. Yeah. Why is the music always late? Go ahead and take a seat at the corner. Next. Put the headphones on and keep them straight up, otherwise they cut out. Like right on, yeah. Raina Amaya is here, ladies and gentlemen. Raina Amaya is here with much fanfare. Yeah. And I love that blouse. It reminds me, my mother used to have all these doilies on the tables. That reminds me of a doily. It's a doily blouse. Yeah, that's what it's called, a doily blouse? Sure, let's go with it. Let's go with it. That's fine. Little by little, the doilies around the house, the doilies disappear, and then one day reappeared in the form of a sweater. This is one hell of a bio, Raina. I mean, I've known you for a few months now, but I wasn't aware that you were so accomplished in so many respects. I do some stuff. I don't even know where to begin here. Yeah, I do some stuff. Well, because you asked me to be here. This is awesome. No, you know, I mean, I do some things. I try to keep, you know, a couple different talents, you know, in my back pocket, so. Can we just start with her name? Her name means, this I do know in Spanish, her name means queen. Hello. She is my queen. What about the last name, Raina? Is the last name Amaya? I have no, I can't even make a guess. Okay, well, it's interesting because actually, I had a guy recently approach me, and I don't know, he found out my name, and I guess he took the time to like Google it. And it means different things in different languages. I guess in Hebrew, it means like, you know, heavenly or something. And then there's something else Arabic. So it's got a couple of different meanings. I just didn't really know too much about it, but that's, yeah, it's got some stuff too. So I've got, you know, I've got a jam packed dictionary name, I guess. Heavenly queen, I'm melting. It's a little much, right? I'm just melting here. It's a little intimidating, yeah. It is intimidating. It was a lot for you to live up to, but you did. It is. You have. So Helen, there's a couple of things that I'm curious about here. One is you did some journalism, I guess. You, what, major in journalism in college? I did some journaling. I did some journaling. I was involved in this program in Berkeley, in Berkeley, California called Youth Radio. And so that involved doing some journalism, and I was involved in some journalism, and writing, and you know, I was, you know, a woman on the streets work and stuff like that. And you know, so that sort of like added to some of my actually radio background too, because that was what I originally thought I was gonna do. We have a, Chris, we have a professional radio person here in our studio. She's a professional voiceover artist, professional comedian. We have such high standards to live up to today. Yeah, I feel like we should surrender the mic. We should. Well, I give up to the heavenly queen. I give up. You should be her guest, yeah. So I guess, take us all the way back to your childhood. You mentioned here something about, I guess, you're one of those people who knew from very early on that you wanted to entertain or speak your mind or create or whatever you want to call it, but. Yeah, I've been entertaining for a very long time. I used to go to dinner parties with my parents, and you know, they always, oh, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I was like, I want to be a standup comic. And my parents didn't even know that I knew what that was. Like, I was like three, like, hi, I'm gonna do standup. So I grew up, you know, just totally into comedy, watching Jerry Lewis, and Lucy, and you know, and Murphy. Lady. Yes, all of it. I love physical, I'm actually more of a potty brain than you think. I present myself very ladylike, but I like all of the shit jokes and the, you know, exploding butt and all that. I love it. It's bad. Is that an homage to your sexual preferences as well? Absolutely, yeah, exactly. I like all of that. Tell us about that. Tell us about the handheld recorder. I think that's funny. A handheld recorder. I used to make my own radio shows. And just different, like, radio dramas when I was a kid. So I was like the nerd in my room, locked up for hours, you know, with the recording handheld thing, and just, you know, doing different characters and voices. And now today's guests, you know, kind of like what you guys do here. It's pretty much, it was exactly the same format. You know, what you guys are doing now in your 30s, I did when I was five. That, basically, that's what- But then I grew the fuck up and I moved on, so. Yeah, you know, what you guys are doing here, been there. Pretty much that, yeah. Reina, can I ask a question? If I'm not mistaken, when Chris and I talked about you earlier, are you biracial? Sure, yeah. I mean, here's the thing, yes. Because the reason, I'm asking for a specific reason, but go ahead. Yeah. Sometimes I'm very careful on how to answer that because there are a lot of biracial people, meaning, hi, I have one parent that is this race and another parent that is that race, and they are of the biracial community. And mine doesn't really work out that way. Well, because bi would imply two. Bi would imply two. So my mom is biracial. My mom's black and white. My dad's family's from, like, the Virgin Islands, which is still biracial, too. Yes. We've got Dutch background. So I'm kind of a hodgepodge. I'm a lot of different things. Well, the reason I ask that is because I have a theory that has actually been proven on numerous occasions. And my theory is a biracial woman will date the sex of her- The race. Will date the race of her opposite sex parent. So in other words, if a biracial woman, if her dad is white, she'll date white. If a biracial woman's dad is black, she'll date black. You know what? I actually agree with the majority of that. Now I think it actually goes with men, too, because there's a lot of guys, I know some black and white guys who date white women because that's, you know, their mother was white. So that's their, you know, attractive, you know, whatever figure. So is your father Latino at all? No. He's not. Damn it. Is he bald at all? Is he bald? Is he rotund at all? I'm not rotund. Shut up. This is the key of the question. This is where it's heading. Okay. Well, but you know what? But you'll be happy to know that actually, that theory doesn't necessarily work with me because I have dated men from all different kinds of backgrounds and racial ethnicity makeups. Dated also means and dumped. If someone says they've dated a lot of people, that means I've dumped a lot of people. When, Raina, when did you move to Los Angeles? Because I feel like I'd never seen you before and all of a sudden, I mean, I see your name on Facebook all the time. You're always out there hustling. You run your own show in Westwood. I, I've been here now for like a little over a year. A little over two years. So I'm still kind of, you know, a newbie to the LA scene, which is fun because I mean, I mean, thank you for saying, you know, I've tried to hustle as hard as I can being out here and being new. But yeah, I'm new to this LA Lala world. It is a strange, strange place. Lot of opportunities and lot of failures as well. Opportunity for failures. It's, it's weird. It is, it is an interesting dichotomy because you get out here and there's literally 10 times more competition. There's people who are significantly better than you. Yeah. But there's also 10 times as many people who aren't trying and kind of deserve to be unemployed actors because they, they really do. I mean, you get people out here that they think just by simply moving out here, I guess they thought things were, people were gonna start knocking on their door, you know, hey, welcome to Los Angeles. You know, like when, when Leno shows up at the, at an apartment complex. Oh yeah. He just knocks on people's, like, I think that's what they thought it was gonna be like. I'm here. Yeah, no, it doesn't work that way. Rayna, let me ask you this. Being from Oakland, do you miss hanging out with Too Short? Oh my gosh, yes. Been down since the eighties. I really just miss the whole, like, you know, Oakland vibe. Like, you know, like it's hard for me to find guys out here who can like roll a blunt and drive with their knees. You know, there's just certain things that are just very difficult to find out here. Just the whole aggression, you know, like, hey, can I get your number? Then you say no and they're like, fuck you then, bitch. Like, I miss that. You know, that's, that's a part of my, you know, growing up. It's ugh. See, I just say, oh, you don't wanna give me your number? You must be a lesbian. Yeah, there's that too. I actually, a lot of people think I'm a lesbian. I think it's because I speak in a lower register. I'm sorry, I don't know what register is. I do know what registered is, but not register. You do have a bit of intensity about your voice. I do. It's a little aggressive. It makes me, you know, correct my posture. Exactly. And you know what? I know, I think I know who can roll a joint and drive. Mr. Jeremy Hansen, who has just joined us today. I think he could probably roll a joint and drive. Hey, listen, Raina, let's talk a little more about your voiceover. And in fact, I believe, Nick, we've got a clip of Raina's voiceover work. So let's go ahead and play clip one, I believe it is. Okay, I admit it. I'm a dessert freak. Desserts with extra creamy Cool Whip? He wouldn't be. Dad, think about it. By taking Sam Trans into work, the average commuter would save the environment from over 60 tons of toxins a year. You know, in a world where the real things in life are hard to come by, it's always nice to know there's a place where a person can still get a taste of reality. Round Table Pizza. Mm, it's real pizza. Clorox Bleach for pure white. Clorox II for pure color. I thought I could just say stop at the holding, but I can't. I need more. When I hold an avocado, it understands me. Outdoor type, seeks nature lover. Interest in hiking and camping, a plus. Ownership of Range Rover, a definite plus. Oh, P.S., please send picture of Range Rover. So come in today for fresh strawberries and blueberries, just 99 cents a pound. Only at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. I bet you Raina wasn't playing clips of MP3s when she was three years old on her tape recorder, I bet you. I bet she wasn't doing that. Raina, let me ask you this. Being a voiceover professional, have you had to list this on submissions? I'm so embarrassed to say that I've done this. I'll submit a voiceover clip, or just submit in general off Actors Access or LA Casting, and I'll put in there, white sounding. Oh my gosh, yeah. Well, because have you ever seen this? It only comes out once a month. Have you ever seen this? It'll have a voiceover casting notice, and it'll put race Caucasian. And you think, it's a voiceover. What the hell does the race have to do with anything? So then that's when I put Sal Rodriguez, white sounding. Yeah, you do. For some reason, in LA, you'll encounter so much political correctness. But when you go into a casting sometimes, the things that you see, I remember one time I actually lost my temper in an audition because I was supposed to be playing a rapper. And they create the character. And the guy, I think he said something, I don't know, like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. He said something like, can you act more black? Yeah. And like, I mean, I just couldn't, you know, and there was people there and it wasn't even like, it was just, you know, and I said, so I basically involved him unwittingly. And then, what do you mean act more black? Like I ain't black enough? Like this kind of black or a preacher kind of black? You know. I'm turned on, that was good. Jeremiah Wright. I did not book the job, by the way. You know what you did? You were white sounding in one of those clips. Oh, and a lot of those. Well, and it's so funny that you bring that up because I actually out here, I've been successful at booking a lot of the African-American reads. The AA reads is what they call them. Mm-hmm, AA. AA. At first I thought that was Alcoholics Anonymous. I go, what does it matter if they're Alcoholics Anonymous? You're like, what does that have to do with that? But yes, they are not politically correct at all out here. And I've had different, I had one audition where they actually asked me if I could sound a little less educated. They find creative ways. Really? Wow. They find creative ways to, you know, and so like you, and when you go in there, especially for any of these black reads, you have to have like your black voices in your back pocket. So you have to be able to, you know, I'm sure gonna miss me some collard greens when I die. Like, you know, whether you're slave black or they may like, you don't even know me like that. Like they wanna have these different black variations. What is your black range is what they have to know. I'm guessing that the one that you haven't dusted off in a while is just the average educated person, black. Well, on the black range you have, you have Beulah on one end and what, Michelle Obama on this end. Is that who you would have? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. How often would you just hear somebody say, no, just, you know, be yourself or, I mean, that's- No, because here's the thing, even when they have these, you know, they're called slice of life commercials. So it's like, you know, the ones that are, you know, like, you know, me and my husband are going down to Roscoe's. It's like, they're over exaggerated. You can have the same commercial that's for like, you know, a white woman who they have the Swiffer commercials or they're cleaning the house and the woman's like, I'm done, I can't believe I'm done. The black mom has to be like, well, I'm gonna find out if I'm a cool mom now. Hand on the head. I like the mm. You have to do the mm. And you see, you do see that for Latinos as well. Cause there's this one billboard that I can't tolerate. What's the beer that it has two guys who are clearly tasked because they look Latina, they look Mexican or Central American and says like, the name of the beer and . Yeah, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, I saw that. It's a Corona or Tecate, it's one of them. Yeah, it's like, they can't, like they don't eat anything else. No, no, that's all I eat. I just eat tacos all day, all day. So you told me a funny story recently. Tell me that story about the, you went over your friend's house and his mother- Oh yeah. When I was a kid, I went over to my friend Ryan's house and he was a white kid. I was friends with some white kids in junior high school. And I went to his mother's house for dinner one night and the mother said, Sal, I knew you were coming over tonight. So I made enchiladas. I made something that your metabolism understands. And I said, thank you. Your biology can accept. Thank you, Missy Smith. Thank you. Thank you. Like you wonder if she saw you as Pedro from- I think she did from Napoleon Dynamite. Raina, tell us about, you are an award winner. You've won a Peabody Award. And you've won an Edward R. Murrow Award. Talk to us about that. Yes, this is in my early career days. Again, with youth radio. I wrote a couple of different stories. You remember Elion Gonzalez? We kind of forgot about that fool. Sure, I remember. He floated over here, right? He floated over and floated right out of the news right after that. But so I wrote a story actually about that because I grew up, my parents were divorced. And so it was kind of dealing with Elion's, sort of situation with his parents and in reflection with my parents. And, you know, it was just this story. And it was a story that ended up being a part of this news story that won an award. So that was, yeah, very good. And I wrote this other thing about going to all girls Catholic school and the challenges of dating and that sort of, you know, atmosphere and that was the other, you know, Peabody. So I, you know, got some things under the belt. It's nice. That, I mean, you must've been a kid when that, because I remember I was barely in college when Elion Gonzalez was in the news. I was, this was when I was what, 16, I think? Chris Black, don't crack. And don't forget it. I'm actually still in college. I'm actually still 16 right now. You have nice hair, by the way. I have nice what? I'm just kidding. Hair, oh my God. Wait, the thing that I'm offended that I didn't understand you. I didn't understand your verbiage. I'm supposed to understand that. Now, when you won that award, did you submit the piece? Like, I mean, was it something that you, oh, I didn't blindside you with, oh my God, I wrote this piece and, you know, got a phone call one day. No, no, no, yeah, I submitted it. Well, that's fantastic. Did you write it as an educated black woman or as a non-educated black woman? Yeah, did they say that? I'm gonna send it back to you, ask you to read. I wrote it educated and then I read it like this. And that's, I think, what, you know, it was a collab. So it worked out. Here's another thing I think is that you've been all over the world. Now, I consider myself somewhat well-traveled, but I don't even know where Ghana is. Ghana, yeah, where is Ghana? Is that South America? I'm sorry, we refer to it as Africa. We don't break up the different countries. I apologize, yes. I'm thinking of Guyana. I'm thinking of Guyana. Yeah, there's a French Guyana. From the Jim Jones trilogy. That's in South Africa. Yeah, Ghana is in Africa. Yeah, you are right, yes. And what were you doing over there? This was actually a graduation present from my dad. So this was when I graduated high school. I went out there. Your dad said for- Just to kick it. For your high school graduation, I'm gonna send you to Africa? Time to go to Africa, let's go. Yeah. Really? Mm-hmm, it was so much fun. It's awesome. But it says you studied abroad as well. So at some point you went over there for non-recreational reasons. Non-recreational, yes. What were you working on? Let's see, I did two study abroads, actually. My first one was in Spain. I went to Salamanca, Spain, and I was there for like seven months. Which was awesome and amazing. And then I went to Puerto Rico, which is where I've decided I'm gonna retire. There's something about being American and being able to go to Denny's, but also being able to get authentic, like, you know, Arroz con Condules and things that I just- Whoa, I'm sorry, say that one more time. Arroz con Condules. Oh my God. Yeah, see, I don't even know what that is. This woman is amazing. You know what, this woman is so, I mean, just looking at her, reading about her, I demand to see her birth certificate. I wanna see the birth certificate, the long form version. That's what I'd like to see. Mine's tucked away with Obama's certificate. Can we ask your age? You can, yeah, that's fine. I look good enough. Can you answer? Chris always asks people's ages. Why do you ask people's ages all the time? I'm looking at this bio, Sal, and I'm looking at Raina, and the numbers don't add up. Well, here's what, the reason I'm gonna tell you my age is because actually I have a birthday coming up on Monday. So I am currently 28, but I will be 29 years old. Is that Capricorn? It's Sagittarius. Sagittarius, so you're a fire sign. Fire sign. Do you have any tattoos? Of course. Oh my God. Where? That's the answer. Oh, come on. No, no, here's the answer I want. Mm. Girl, mm. We're running way behind on time, Raina. Do you have anything coming up you'd like to plug? Yes. Any commercials on the air? Well, actually you mentioned my show, and yes, I run my own show actually in Brentwood, which you have been on my show multiple times. I'm so happy. And it is going to be this Wednesday, the 19th at Chin Chin. In Brentwood, 1740 San Vicente Boulevard. So it starts at 8, runs till 10, and it's an awesome show. And briefly, because I just think this is the coolest thing ever. You've done animated voice characters. Oh yeah. Any you can name or a character name? Well, I'm under contract and can't talk about some of them. No, we get that all the time here. Yeah, but you know, character voices are pretty much the funnest thing because you get to be these people that you can't physically be. So being able to walk in and, hi, I'm just this little girl and I like dolls and I like to play. You know, that's so far from who I actually am. And you get to play all these, you know, a lot of women also do like, you know, the little kid, like I'm a little boy kind of voices. Hey, with the scruffy, like I like to play. When did you realize that your voice talent was for real? Because I mean, a lot of people, I mean, you know, they mess around. They're like, hey, I have this funny Irish cop I do. But like, I mean, your repertoire is insane. When I heard your voiceover reel, it wouldn't end. I thought it was a good thing. Yeah. I mean, I thought it was a good thing. I thought I was going to get three, four voices. And Sal and I sat there for a couple of minutes. It's true. That's a good question. I think that once the stuff that you did when you were a kid and you realize that you can make money off of it and that these are actual jobs. And then I think that's what ended up sort of gearing, you know, me in that direction. So this was, you know, probably somewhere in college. I was like, wait, you can do this for real. So that's when I started really taking it seriously and really trying to hone in on my craft. Also, you get to work in your pajamas, right? Exactly. Or lack thereof. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm disappointed, but we have to end the segment here. We got to move on. We're way behind on time and we still got Sal's weekly rant. We still got Chris's corner. I would just like to keep Raina here. For the weekend, I mean. But thank you guys so much for having me. I really appreciate it. No problem. If you can stick around to the end of the show. If we can get to greatest disappointments, we'd love to have you chime in. Perfect. Did she already plug? I had to step out for a moment. She already plugged where they can see her, where they can hear her? She did. But do you have a website as well? You might check out. Website is under construction, but you can always hit me up definitely on Facebook and Twitter. I'm just Raina Maya for Facebook and then also for Twitter and for Instagram. Raina A Comedy. R-E-Y-N-A A Comedy. Awesome. That's our guest for this week. Nick, you ready back there? We're going to jump right into my corner. Give me some music and. If life gets better with age, I must be Benjamin Button. Six years ago, I was a cast member on a prank TV show making $700 a day. In the last three years, I've been let go once and laid off twice. I've been turned down by Starboard. Consequently, I've quit striving to live and resigned myself to merely exist. The urban jungles equivalent of a beach bum. I put Sprite in my water cup at Wendy's to save a buck. I sell blood to buy gas. Last Friday, I ejaculated into a specimen jar to see if my swimmers were fit for corporate sponsorship. I'm not a fan of the The frosted glass partition slid open. The tawdry, bleach blonde receptionist wore a low cut, skin tight top, stretch to upheal it. She looked less like a secretary than a porn star playing one in a porno. She pointed me towards the lab tech, a woman who was put on earth specifically to counteract the receptionist's effect on men. She looked like a widow from a Frank McCorton novel. The lab tech showed me to a small room. A TV sat atop a console containing what she called visual aid. I locked the door and opened it. I locked the door and undressed. I opened the console doors, expecting to find a perfunctory cache of outdated, soft-core porn. To my delight, I unearthed the hoarder stockpile of hardcore hot flicks running the gamut of genres. I found films I own in their collection. I began coaxing my essence out of dormancy. Distractions overwhelmed me. The room was chilly. My phone rang. Has anyone ever sanitized the remote control? My erection withered like a salted slug. Fortunately, I was able to get out of the room. Fortunately, I was raised Roman Catholic, so this was not my first erectile dysfunction rodeo. I took several deep breaths and visualized the piles of money I stood to make if the sperm bank backed my candidacy. Maybe one day I'd own a house as nice as the one the three strangers on my TV were having a natural sex in. I gushed like a blown Gold Coast BP pipeline. Decency compelled me to leave a tip to the custodian. Four days later, I received a letter. Vague, as Nostradamus's wife, I wrote. I wrote to her. I told her I was a big fan of the podcast, stating that my sperm and the ZOA were not up to smart snuff. I guess the apples don't fall far from the tree. That's Chris's Corner, so thanks for stopping by. I love that you refer to your sperm as your essence. Is that what you say to women when you guys are having sex? It's a very Downton Abbey way to refer to my ... When you have sex you're like, I'm going to give you my essence. Yeah, it's like what you'd imagine in a late 70's porno, you know? You want my essence, the very ... The very essence of me. Very essence of me. Let's go ahead and get into Sal's weekly rant. What do you say, Nick? Red light, stop. Green light, go. Yellow light, go very fast. Those were the words spoken by Jeff Bridges in the 1984 motion picture Starman. He was referring to driving, of course. And being from another planet, he learned driving rules and practices from his co-star. Yellow light, go. Cool. 29 years later, we're stopping on the yellow. Why are we stopping at yellow lights? Or, more importantly, why is the car in front of me stopping as I'm trying to make the yellow light? Worse, why is the oncoming car making a left turn as I'm trying to make the yellow light? Don't make a left turn in front of me unless you're absolutely certain that I'm stopping. You see me coming, you see the light turn yellow, and you think this is your cue to make your turn? It's not, you asshole. Me stopping, or specifically, me stopping on a red light, is your cue to turn. It's gotta be those damn cameras. They got us scared to take yellow lights. We're all terrified of having our picture taken, and having to pay a $400 ticket. But what does that have to do with the person making the left turn? They assume everyone stops at yellow lights now, so they just go about their business, assuming I'm stopping. Wait, you idiot, wait! And you stupid pedestrians, don't you look into the street before you walk into it? Didn't everyone tell us as children, look both ways before you cross the street? I see people pushing their baby strollers into the light. They're just so scared to take yellow lights. They're just so scared to take yellow lights. They're just so scared to take yellow lights. They're just so scared to take yellow lights. They're just so scared to take yellow lights. And you stupid pedestrians, don't you look into the street before you walk into it? Didn't everyone tell us as children, look both ways before you cross the street? I see people pushing their baby strollers into the street without even looking. I saw a teenager texting the other day, and he walked right in front of me without looking, as I was, you guessed it, taking the yellow light. Perhaps it's what the yellow light represents for me. Opportunity. An opportunity to continue with my life, without having to sit and occupy myself for upwards of two minutes as my life passes me by. Two minutes of looking at homeless beggars and sign flippers. Two minutes of attempts at flirting with the lady next to me. Two minutes of checking Facebook. Two minutes of checking my crooked teeth in the mirror. I swear I'm getting Invisalign one day. I'm taking the yellow light, people. Cameras or no cameras. Texting teens or no texting teens. Baby strollers or no baby strollers. I'm taking the yellow. It's my right, it's my privilege. Red light, stop. Green light, go. Yellow light, go. Very fast. Sal's Weekly Rant. Thank you very much. I had Trivial Pursuit, America Plays. It's a game show. It's on, I think, about 3 o'clock on television. And I did incredibly well at the audition. I mean, I beat out people who had better jobs than me, more education. And I was just hot that day. And I was equally hot when I got to the studio. We were doing my segment. It was me, this actress, you know, this young girl who's maybe 21, 22 years old, and this other guy who later on, it turns out, lived in my neighborhood and was a trainer at ballets. So, man, I came out steaming, dude. I could do no wrong. I answered one question. After another, I just dominated. In fact, it got to the point where they had to eliminate me because I had kind of gotten so far ahead of my competition that they had to have them kind of battle it out to eliminate one of them. So I was, you know, way up ahead. I was doing incredibly well. And it was me and one other person. The guy got eliminated. And for some reason, I guess I just got too overconfident. I had too much adrenaline, you know, pounding through my veins. And the question was, how many valves in the hall? And I just got so overconfident. And I just, six. And now, I don't even understand. Because if you think of the human body, the human, there is no thing that it has like two extras. You know what I mean? It doesn't make, you have either, you know, you have two or you have four limbs. But you're not, I'm not a spider. What would make me, I don't know where I even got that answer from. But I shouted it out with the utmost confidence. And I couldn't believe it, man, when they finally took it from me. Because again, even when they narrowed it down to me and this girl, I came out of the gate and I could not be stopped. Until that one stupid answer. Now, here's where things get even weirder. They throw it to her. Suddenly, she's, she becomes Stephen Hawking. Barely done anything the whole game. All of a sudden, she can't lose. She gets one question after another. Every question right. She leaves me in the dust. I lose 10 grand. Wow. You never told me this story before. Probably with good reason. It hurts. $10,000. It physically hurts me to tell you this story. Shit. And again, all because I just, I got overconfident. And I blurted out an answer that I had no reason to even believe. It was the correct answer. I went straight home that night. I was still living with Deb at the time. I sat down at the table. And I, like, I had literally took like a bottle and a glass. You know, and. And you threw away the glass. Right. And you just started downing the bottle. I saved only what was in that glass. And I drank the whole bottle. Wow. That is pretty disappointing. You know what? I'm going to tell you. I don't think that my greatest disappointments can compete with that. But I will tell you that it was very disappointing at the time. I was 17 years old. I used to do a lot of extra work in movies all throughout my teens. Beverly Hills 90210. I mean, I was on it all as an extra. And so I had a special business part for this new movie where I was essentially going to be a graffiti writer tagging on a wall. It was a special bit. I mean, it was going to be showcasing me essentially. Well, it was my birthday. And my girlfriend, Christina, called me that morning. Hi, what are you doing today? I go, oh, I got a special part on a movie. I'm going to go be a graffiti writer. It's going to be a special scene. Oh, well, it's your birthday. Aren't we going to hang out? I go, well, no, I'm going to go work on this movie. Oh, it's your birthday. We end up fighting on the phone for three, two or three hours. We're fighting on the phone. I said, look, I got to go. I rush over to the set. Like, you know, it was from Pacoima to downtown, which is like, you know, 15 miles. I get there. I rush. I'm here. I'm here. They're like, hey, man, you're an hour late. We got it. We got somebody else. And there was some other guy over there on the wall. And I was so fucking mad at myself, at Christina, just the whole situation. I allowed some stupid argument over nothing to cost me this opportunity to. This main have this main scene. I don't claim to be an expert on women by any stretch of the imagination. But if there's any one piece of advice I always give young men, it's that this girl that you are dating in high school, I know you think she means the world to you and will have played this influential role. She will not. No. And I don't I don't say this in the sexist manner. It plays. It goes both ways. But it amazes me that you'll you'll meet young people who are 16 years old. They have their whole lives ahead of them. They're beautiful. They're intelligent. And they're hung up on this, you know, the neighborhood chum. You know, it's just. It's such a tragedy. I was going to ask you, are you still with this woman? No, no, we're not. We're not together. In fact, she recently unfriended me on Facebook and I was completely fine with it. Now, Chris and I, Chris and I discussed this before you walked in that you wouldn't. You're so beautiful and talented. We're sure you do not have a greatest disappointment. But if you do have a greatest disappointment, please share it with us now. I have no fails. No, I have no failures. You know what? I can tell you how confidence in not having failures can sort of backfire. I had when I came out here, I was auditioning. Well, no, it was an audition. Job interviews feel like an audition, though. Let's just be real about that. This was just for a regular Joe Schmo waitressing job. And I went in. I knew that I wasn't even qualified. You know, my resume was completely made up. And I go in and I'm, you know, but I'm schmoozing. I'm doing all right. And so we get to the point where the guy's asking me, he's like, OK, well, do you have any, you know, criminal charges or any felonies? And I was like, no. Well, maybe cuteness. And he gives me this look like you fucking arrogant bitch. Like, why would you ever say that to me? And he just went, OK. Well, and I was just like, I'm not getting it. There's no way I'm getting this job. There's just no way. It's awful. But that would have worked here. Yeah. An answer like that. Chris and I would have just melted in our chairs. It's very funny. That's a very like a line that like Michael from The Office would utter, you know. It was it's so like confidently cheesy. It was just like, really? You went there. OK. I committed, though. I committed. I think I winked. Nailed it. Yeah. For some for some reason, Raina, that reminds me of my greatest pickup line ever at a gym. I was at a gym. I approached this woman. I said, you have more definition than a dictionary. Oh. And it worked. But for some reason, it reminded me of it because it was just as cheesy. What era was this that this worked? This was the early 90s. Exactly. That line worked in the early 90s. That line wouldn't work. Anything goes 90s. Anything goes 90s. Yeah. That's funny, man. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. So it's a story I never heard. God damn it, man. You lost a part in a movie. What did the guy like? Did the guy give you like a. Hey. I'm sorry, dude. You know, like the one who replaced you? Because that's what would have killed me is having to look eye to eye into the guy who took your gig. Especially if it's that guy who you've always seen on auditions or something like that guy. Not that guy. Yeah. Which, by the way, that actually happened to me one time. There was a guy who he showed up. I was auditioning for like a one man show. I had three characters in it. And this guy shows up. He shows up late to the audition for some inexplicable reason. He tells me. He goes, yeah, you know, he's like, I'm late because I'm having this huge fight with this guy right now. I agree to do dinner theater. I'm going to go with him. And then I bailed at the last minute. He wants to sue me. And so I'm kind of sitting there looking at him going like, why on earth would you tell somebody who's here? You know, you're at a casting right now. So this guy goes on. I give him the part. He bails on me. To add insult to injury. I had gone on a commercial at some point while this was taking place. And I auditioned. I had a great audition. One of those auditions where you go, you know what? Maybe I won't get it, but I'll be top three. Guess who got the part? That guy. Guess who had to watch him on television? That's awful. Poor Chris. He gets teased. You know, an ex-girlfriend of Chris's he has to see on national commercials all the time. This is brutal, Raina. My ex, the one, like the one, the one who got away. She's in a national commercial now. I'm doing time at the Oyster House in the Valley a couple weeks ago. I look up on the TV. There she is on a national commercial. And the story gets better. The following week, the day that I told Sal the story, I do a comedy at Huntington Beach. And it's one of those stories where the guy's like, we got 80 people here every week. Got to do this. I don't know what happened this week. So I leave there. I go to get gas. The Chevron monitor is playing her commercial the entire time I'm filling my tank. And here's the best part. The monitor must be broken. I don't know what. But the programming never changed. It was just her commercial over and over and over. And Chris has a very large tank. So he was there a while. Raina, tell our listeners one more time where they can see you, where they can hear you. Yes. Please come to my show. It's called Hella Funny Hump Days in Brentwood. Attention starts at 8, runs until 10. You can also get more information from me on Facebook, Raina Amaya, or my Twitter and Instagram, Raina A Comedy. All right, Chris, where are you going to be performing? Tonight I'll be performing just in 10 minutes at Bar Pico in Santa Monica. So if you're in the area, by all means, check that out. And I invite all listeners to stay tuned at 3 p.m. today on skidrowstudios.com. I will be a fill-in co-host on the new conspiracy theory show, The Devil's in the Details, airing at approximately 3 o'clock today right here on Skid Row. That's skidrowstudios.com, replacing Nestor Rodriguez as co-host. As always, Sal and I would like to thank you for listening. That's our show for December 14th. Like us on Facebook. Please. How about that? Give us a like on Facebook. For God's sake. Registered. Like us on Facebook. Registered Ear Offenders on Facebook. Also, I am tweeting Sal Los Angeles. Chris, what's your handle? ChrisZ34. Download us on iTunes for free. That's registered Ear Offenders, downloadable every single episode for free. Please, guys, we can use all the support. You can. You're willing to give us. All right. We'd like to thank Jeremy Hansen, Skid Row Studios, Nicholas Chacon, our sound engineer. Where'd he go? And we would like to thank West Hambright Orange Dog Music for providing our music. Thank you for listening to Registered Ear Offenders. My name is Sal Rodriguez. I'm Chris Z. Please join us again next week when we'll have a brand new episode. Yeah. Take care. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.