📄 Transcript [show]
Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Let it rain. Let it snow. Here we go. Start the show. Breakfast lot. Take a bite. Make it right. Spaghetti. Oh, no, no, no. Wait till lunch. Crunch, crunch, crunch my cereal bunch. Adam O. Adam O. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Breakfast show. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Adam O. Welcome to the Adam O podcast. I'm Adam O, boys and girls. Yes, we are back. It's March. Happy March to everybody. Well, today's a very special show. That's right. I'm Adam O. I play Adam O, the character, in a show called The Breakfast Show. It's a live kid show here in LA. It's kind of like Pee Wee's Playhouse meets SNL for kids. Well, that's the goal, is to make it a live TV kid show. But today's show is all about the past. Before I was Adam O., I was Adam Shankman, a small town hero from Hollywood, California. A polyester comedian. A seltzer commercial type of comedian. Always in need of a good burp. A fearless open mic-er. A maverick of dreams. A rebel of the small circle jerks of the LA alternative comics. The love of art and comedy and a hater of the high school wolf pack cliques of comedy. A scroll of rejection. A heart of vision and an ego. A ego of a pony. A man who's been a hero since the day he walked on the UCB stage. Tonight's episode, we're going to be talking about Adam Shankman. And we have the lost pilot of the epic Adam Shankman special season one. So just in a minute, you're going to sit back and enjoy 35 minutes of the world premiere of the Adam Shankman special season one. The audio version. So with that said, I'm glad to be back here at Skid Row Studios here in downtown LA. If you'd like to call the show, please call 800-893-9562. That's 800-893-9562. The Adam O. Podcast is about to change, boys and girls. Every week, we're going to be touching on surfaces of the Adam Shankman specials. And doing a little hybrid style of comedy through the kids show all the way to the adult content of the Adam Shankman special creativity meets magic. So sit back and enjoy, folks. The Lost Tapes. World premiere of the Adam Shankman special season one. Audio. Audio. Audio. Audio. Audio. Comedy, beat bop, didomedy. Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Yobbity, dobby, bop, uh! Yeah, yeah. Give the dog a bone, it's a buckle. Give the fuck, I need the luck. All the hip towns in Los Angeles. Disguised in American apparel. Yeah, thin, tan, and moral like Gandhi. Yeah, wanna be profound. Can't admit you're a clown. About to drown, never be found. There's only one wall, though. Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Comedy, bombity, beat bop. Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Dobby, bobby, bop, uh! Yeah, the pandemonium clicks a Hollywood. I load it with trends. Facts make you have a heart attack. Yeah, you see, being is where a hip comic should be. When I'm at home masturbating while getting stung by African bees. Yeah, prior, once had trees on SNL. In 75, with eyes so wide, he made the white man bleed. Uh! Uh! Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Dobby, bobby, bop, uh! Now every comic has to raise a fist and dance and twist. To what it means to be a step away from being unwealthy. Yeah, we're comics, motherfuckers. Old, young, purple-striped. Yeah, the microphone move. Yeah, like Andy Kaufman. Yeah, the man on the moon. Uh! Uh! Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Comedy, bombity, beat bop, didomedy. Comedy, bombity, Grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow! Warning! You're getting busy, you're turning into a critter Your d*** girl is with only one t*** You have holes in your sweater Yeah, I'm a comic motherfucker! Comedy, barmody, beatbox, d***mody d***mody barmody barmody This, this. Okay, thank you, everybody, coming out tonight. Adam Schenkman, episode four. I don't know what to do because I'm supposed to be a warming up guy, but I cannot reach the mic. You know, too high. Okay. Adam Schenkman, episode four. I'm assistant director of Adam Schenkman. My name is Kaz. Thank you so much coming. Yo, that's Japanese. Welcome. Okay. Okay. Are you ready for Adam Schenkman? Yeah. Okay, Adam Schenkman, come on. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, so thank you for being at the special. Tonight, I'm going to need an audience member that's an actor. I am casting a show here live at the Echo Park Film Center. It's a play. I'm directing. It's called Hustlers. What's your name again? Shaking hands. Jenny. Guys, ladies and gentlemen. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, Jenny is going to be reading for me. And action. So when popcorn left, I got up and ran me some bath water. I saw no need for me lying in bed. After all, every time I close my eyes, I saw the motherfucker. Choo choo wrapping me because that's what he did. Cut. Cut. Come on. Come on. What are you doing? Popcorn. I don't get it. It's a popcorn. Oh, she said popcorn. Oh, huh. OK, bye. Yeah, I get it. OK. She said popcorn. So she's popcorn. OK, cut. Sit down. No, no, we get it. Thanks. Bye. From the top. Ready? And sit down. Sit down. And action. When popcorn left, I got up, ran me some bath water. Shut up. Shut up. Go eat it. Ladies and gentlemen, improv 101. Shut up. Beverly Hills is all old money. So if we stop in front of a star's home, please do not say we're just tourists. We're on a tour. Star home tour. We're architecture students from UCLA. OK? And I'm your professor. So this house right here is actually a real stupid house. I saw no need for me lying in bed. I mean, after all, I closed my eyes. I saw that motherfucker choo-choo rapping me. Dude, you can't read, can you? It's raping me. Star over. . We're back. All right. I can't read. You beautiful. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last take. Otherwise, we're going to move on. It's raping me. R-A-P-P-P-I-N-G. All right. OK. Ready? Action. Take three. Sorry. Take three. When popcorn left, I got up, ran me some bath water. I saw no need for me lying in bed. I mean, after all, I closed my eyes. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yesterday, I was so glad that Popper kind of wanted to repeat the performance of what he had done the night before. This morning, I had known that he had returned for some mid-morning sex. But turning him away, I knew, would be easy. That's not to say I enjoyed saying no to my man. I didn't. I never turned down his direct or indirect approaches, because again, I'm a firm believer that a woman should open her legs for her man as often as he wants. That way, she has a right to get gangstaret on that nigga if he creeps on her. L REAL REAL about popcorn. This is Henry. Basically for the last two years, I've collected every letter anybody has ever sent to me from a show that I got rejected by. And I've saved every single one. And I'd like to share my rejection list with you. Ready? Let's do this, Henry. Showcase submission must see. This is to Irene Antons at Montreal Just for Laughs. Unfortunately, the deadline for submissions is February 6th. We are not interested in Adam Shankman's footage. Please try back next year or the year after that. Tomorrow. Just for Laughs, Montreal. Melinda Hill, Tiger Lily. 2008. The 13th of September. Hey Adam, I'm totally overbooked for the year 2009. I am busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy Yes I do, I do workshops there. Sonic, Sonic! There's a bomb! Yannick will go on next. Up, up, up. Let's fly! Woo! Come fly with me, let's fly! Tiger Lily! 721, oh wait. Hi Adam, thanks for getting back to us again. But like I said before, we are booked! Alright, bring talent on the set please. Talent coming in, quiet on set. Last looks. Ready, and action. Hi, welcome to the Adam Shankman Special Episode 4. I'm Adam Shankman, and today we're going to be talking about the unsung heroes of Hollywood. The Stannings! Alright, so basically guys, this is very cool, I recruited these people, whether it's been through certain acting newspapers, etc. I got these guys to do it. I each paid them 50 bucks to be here. So, basically, I'm going to be very honored to have them today. We'll start off with the first Stanning. He's a professional. He works basically for the Verizon guy. He's a Stanning since the Verizon commercials. Since 1999 he's been the Verizon guy. Stanning, please turn around. Okay. Is that? Yes. Okay, say the Verizon guy's line. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Good. Okay, our next one, basically, is an international superstar. He is a rap star, musician, song and dance man. You've seen him, you know him, he's yours. Please welcome Kanye West, Stanning. Turn around. Kanye, so, don't say anything yet. You really look just like him. Kanye's a very cocky young man. Very, very well built. Strong. He can dance, he can sing. Kanye, bust a song, please. One line of Kanye. It's amazing. So amazing. Okay, so basically, if anybody has any questions for Kanye West, Stanning. Okay. Sorry. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Jack Nicholson's professional stand-up since 1968. Please welcome Chickster. Yeah. Now, Chickster's been his, he's also my father. And he's been Jack Nicholson's personal stand-up. Jack, please say a line. From any Jack Nicholson movie. Well, I see the reporters are there. And the newspaper and everything. And it reminds me of a story, Adam. There was a young girl from St. Paul who attended a newspaper ball. Her dress caught on fire and burnt her entire. Wow. Front page, sporting section, and all. Beautiful. I recruited her myself. From Craigslist. The economy's not doing well, as you know. So actors are hungry. Okay, stop. So basically, please welcome the one, the only, Queen Latifah Stanning. Okay, Queen Latifah, please say one line from any Queen Latifah movie. Can I do a song with Stan? Please do one line of a song. Yes, please. I ain't a bitch, y'all. Ho, you and I, team, why? I ain't a bitch, y'all. Me and Stan. So where are you? I'm here. Dude, get off your bus. Give me, come on, come on. Come on. You're driving me a little... What should I do? Turn on those lights. This is for the camera. Okay. Thank you. You okay? Just water, please. I'm really thirsty. Oh. Dude, are you... Oh. No, no, no. Dude. No. You make, like, sushi. Oh, I know. You should be skilled with the hand. You could be all over me. Stan Krook. Ladies and gentlemen, turn off the lights. Please welcome the one and only, the rap group, Medicaided Machines. You know I don't know you, but I know what you're like. And I know you don't know me, but baby, you know that I'm right. I see you almost every day, but only in passing. And your smile's a dead giveaway. You're looking for passion. Let's have a one-on-one. Shot for shot till we're drunk. Back to your place for some fun. Wipe me down when I'm done. You think that I'm sweet, but girl, to tell you the truth, I'm not just trying to be nice. I want a Superman. You, another shot of Jamison. I saw you knock back three, and a couple Heineken's. If you do another, I'll be looking like twins. And we'll be blurring that line between rape and consent. So let's get out of here now, before you get the spins. Cause if we're both too wasted, then nobody wins. I won't lie, before tomorrow morning, I'm gone. Just being honest, cause I ain't in between when you're wrong. So don't worry, ain't gonna put your name in the song. Oh, we gotta do it on boxcouch. I live with my mom, I live with my mom. I live with my mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. Yo, what's up people? My name is Shank Flo, and I'm with my boy, Little Sean. And we're gonna bring the rap battle at the Adam Shankman special to the streets of Los Angeles today. Starting right here on Hollywood Boulevard. Hey, I don't know if you guys like rap music, but we're freestyling. Yo, check it, check it, here we go, here we go. Yo, check it, check it, yo, here we go. Check it, check it, here we go, here we go. Now check it, yo, Flo, show, show, show, show. I will check it, check it, yo, here we go. Yo, check it, check it, yo, here we go. Check, check, check, check, yo, your turn, bro. Yeah! Tuna fish money, tuna fish money, tuna fish money, tuna, tuna, tuna, tuna, tuna, tuna fish money. Kanye West, do you wanna battle me? Got Johnny Depp on the streets. Oh! Yo, man, check it, check it. I see your pale ass with your nasty shears. I could beat your pale ass for years. Motherfucker, give me a haircut. I'll fuck you till your motherfucking bare butt. Check it, where you going, honey? You think you can battle me, little Sean? You think you're all that with your stupid jacket and your all-sauce. You're so gay, bro, that you use a crooked hand when you go stupid jacket like a fucking snake underwater. You think you're the best in the Puerto Rico. Mira, tú no entiendes mi lengua, querido. All I heard was this. . I'll see you in the third grade, brother, peace. I don't think that this little kid could beat me. Don't you know that a woman's so easy? What's your name again? I'm pretty sure it's Stevie. Hate to say it, buddy, but your rhymes are so cheesy. Man, I beat that kid. Oh my God, here we go. Round and round, you got the beautiful skin of a woman. That's right, I haven't been with a woman since 1999. You got the smoothest legs since Elvis' wife. What do you have to write about that? Yo, you're so fat, I can't tell you from the front or from the back. You look like Andy Milkenakis. That's the life. Peace. . I feel like a little kid going up to you like you're gonna molest me. You wanna battle me? I see you panicking. You messed up cause your girl's a freaking mannequin. Kid, what? You look like Elvis Costello. You need to kick back and act like cause you're fucking too mellow. Check it because I'll play your ass like a cello. Make it, make it lick, make it stick, make it lick, make it stick. I'm on the court, white boy can't jump, he got no ring. Oh shit, he just broke into me. Yo, yo, yo. Because you have spots on your back. Bus riders. On the real. Girl riding the bus, it takes mad endurance. We're all right now cause we got no car insurance. Don't worry about me. Bus, uh, on the bus, uh. Yo. Right now guys, it's time to start the Rap Olympics. Yo, Medicaid and machines, I want you guys to be a part of this. Alright? Ladies and gentlemen, who here wants to rap? Alright, yo, I'ma go first. It's okay cause I didn't even rehearse. But you're still gonna get smashed. And when we're done, everybody's gonna laugh. Woo! My name's Sean Clark, I'm a really bad dude. You mess with me, you better not. Yeah! I'm big, I'm bad, I'm good as heck. You want a great cheese sandwich? No thanks. Woah! Cut that. Kazoo, look this way, concentrate, boy. There we go. Nice, Kazoo. Look this way, there we go. Steady. Ah, show your face, Kazoo. There, nice. Okay, good. Moving on. People, maybe you're busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting busy getting I told you last time, battling ain't my style. I'm way more crush group than I ever was H-Mile. When I step up, I gotta set popcorn. Fuck it, you got porn. I'ma come through and straight stomp ya. There's no way I'ma supposed to battle the Willy Wonka. Ain't no way to battle me. I'ma send his white ass straight back to the factory. Yo, I'm Gangsta, I'ma shoot ya. And you'll be home jacking off your loop-a-loop-a. Yo. Yo, I let you out your cage. Full of rage with your goofy ass hands. Your little mustache and your little eyes. But I still like you and I still give you my chocolate. Cause that's how I roll with the Willy Wonka. And I was like, you're like, yeah! You must be trippin' like tryna crip walk and flip flop. Yeah, I rock that DJ Six Block. The R-A-W, I'll come up from under you. I'll take this microphone and took it upside your head and bludgeon you. Woo! Hey, nice shoes, where you can get those? At an outlet store in Camarillo. That's a good place to shop. I heard I get a temperature discount. It's a pretty good deal. I don't get any money for saying that. But I'm keeping it real. Here we go, I'm about to rip the mic. We were supposed to be Tom Green. His name in his shirt, the closest we're ever gonna get tonight. So I'll rip it tight. This is gonna be a good night. This is gonna be the worst disaster in your life. So it's okay, cause when I grip it, know that I spit it tight. You talkin' about his shoes. Well, you be ready to start a war. Cause yours look like they were made out of fuckin' checkerboards. You're whack and you're poor. Better believe that I came here to start it up. So basically, I'm in the show that I'm smart as fuck. What, what? No, seriously, what, what? I got water in my ear. I went swimming earlier. So I gotta shake it out to the right. Shake it out to the right. The air should clear your ear to the right. So you can get the water out and the water pours out. And it clears up your hearing, y'all. Your hearing, y'all. Your hearing, y'all. Your hearing, your hearing, your hearing, your hearing, your hearing, your hearing, your hearing. A to the A to the A to the R to the I-M-G. This is it. Do we want to see your champion, episode 4, Adam Shankman special, be Tom? Do you want MC Pierre? MC Pierre, give him the trophy, the trophy. Ladies and gentlemen, I need you to play his favorite song, which is number, number 4. Here we go. We only do this. No, I'm sorry. Hold, keep holding that. Get a facial expression of him like Ricky just won. Just stay there for one minute. Before we bring up your headliner, your special guest tonight, we have to go out with style. Only the best song of my lifetime is exposed right here to this MC at the Rap Olympics. Play, sir. I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna wait. With me. I don't wanna wait. How does it feel to be a champion? It feels real good. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to be here with you. I'm Tom. It is my pleasure to keep this show moving. And this is what I mean by moving. I'm bringing up your special guest. . Okay, guys, please stand. Oh, sorry. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your headliner, Mikey. Thank you. Mikey Post. . You don't have to at all. If I fall under fragile. Okay, sorry. I can. I really need this job. I hope I get this job. I really, really need this job. I really need this job. . Okay, have a seat. Do you need help? . Sorry. . Okay. Um, horror movies such as Rest Stop 1 and 2. I was a very scary cancer patient. Okay, basically I just am honored to have you here on my show tonight and um, do we have any fans in the house tonight? Any, who's a real big fan? Hi, what's your name? Come up to the stage. Hi Mikey. I'm your biggest fan. I've seen all your movies. I can't wait to see you in your latest one. One lucky SOB. You are so awesome. I wanted you to um, autograph my breasts but I didn't bring a pen so I stand when you just touch them. My big ol' tinkies. This is wonderful. Touch those shit. Touch them. Thank you. They don't bite. Oh wow. Oh my goodness. Thank you Mikey. Mikey, do you have anything to say to her? Anything for the fans baby. Anything sweet. Okay, we are true artists Mikey. Listen, this is the part of the show. Mikey, you guys get out of here. He has a shoot in the morning and you guys have been wonderful. This is the part where I am the best. And we are going to open up an open Q&A. Mikey agreed. Open Q&A. Anybody have any questions for Mikey? Something. Something. Everybody's got a ques- You people come up to me every day of my fucking life. You got some questions. I know there's some questions. Oh, sir, right here. Right here. Hi. Yeah, I have a few actually. Oh, nice. Hi. Problem is, is um, I'm meticulously prepared to interview Dustin Diamond from Saved by the Bell. Then I prepared in the same fashion for Tom Green. And neither of them showed up. But the irony of the situation is, I always ask every guest on this show questions about Saved by the Bell and Tom Green's career. So, here's my questions for Tom Green. Will you put your bum on me? If you'll allow it. Yes! Yes! Alright. I'm not sure how to address you. Because the media has twisted the words around regarding your situation. I'm not sure to go- I know the M word's bad. D word, not too good. L word, not too good. L P, not too cool. Very cool. Okay. Is it cool if I go with yellow brick road paver? At least it shows I'm working. Thank you. That's awesome. Awesome. What is your name? Oh, um, my name's Scott Bowser. And where are you from? San Gabriel Valley News Group. Wonderful, Scott. That was a wonderful question. Thank you very much for answering. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mikey Stamm. I'm Adam Shankman. We are going to go out in style with Chorus Line. Oh God, I need this job. I really need this job. Hi, I'm Adam Shankman. And I'm an actor and I've been comedians for my whole life. I grew up with my Jewish family. They're all here tonight. They go to every single show. I have a sister that dresses up in white face. I'm a special ed teacher. I really have no talent. I rip off every comedian I've ever seen in the 70s. I'm a real has-been. I wear a suit. I wear a bow tie. I do it at shows. I have my own special. This is episode four. And everybody's here tonight to see Tom Green. I'm real honored to be here at the Echo Park Film Center. Right? Echo Park. Where a lot of Mexicans have big butts. And I am doing what I'm doing because I'm going to be the biggest star in the world. I'm Adam Shankman. Oh God, I need this job. Oh God, I need this job. My name is Mikey Post. And I was just a replacement for Tom Green. So I didn't really care that I was here. And nobody really knows who I am. But I really was in a few movies. And I really do act. And I wasn't lying about that part. And people talk about Oompa Loompas tonight. And I get really offended. I was backstage and I was like, well maybe I should come out and do a little Oompa Loompa dance. People laugh. I've decided not to because maybe that would be a little insulting to other people. But I'm going to do it. And my name is Mikey Post. Thank you. I hope I get it in. I hope I get it in. Mikey Post everybody. I'm Adam Shankman. This is the Adam Shankman special. Thank you Kazoo, April Hall of Shankman. Everybody Shankman family. Echo Park Film Center. Your sound man. Everybody here on crew, cameras, and staff. The Redicated Machines. MC Pierre. Good night. I love you. That's right. You were the first to ever hear the Adam Shankman special pilot. That was the audio. If you'd like to see the actual full pilot, the visual side to it, you can email shankflo at gmail.com. That's S-H-E-N-K-F-L-O at gmail.com. And you can speak to Adam Shankman through that email. Well, boys and girls, you got to meet the voice of Adam Shankman in the Adam Shankman special. And today's lesson was all brought to you by the imagination and what you can tap into when your imagination is hopped up on cereal. I hope you enjoyed the program tonight, boys and girls. I'm Adam Moe, and I'll see you next week with a very special surprise guest. Adam Moe. Adam Moe. Adam Moe. Adam Moe. Let it rain. Let it snow. Here we go. Start the show. Breakfast light. Take a bite. Make it right. Spaghetti. Oh, no, no, no. Wait till lunch. Crunch, crunch, crunch my cereal bunch. Adam Moe. Adam Moe. Six, five, four, three, two, one. Breakfast show. Adam Moe. Adam Moe. Adam Moe.
