Strip club lies, toe biting, and foot fetish debates

Hello, everybody. It's Saturday, 2 o'clock here in lovely Los Angeles. That means it is time for a new episode of Bad Advice. I am your host, Drew Marks. I want to thank you for tuning in. You're listening to us at skidrowstudios.com. Or you may also be hearing us on Extreme Talk XM channel 165. I want to welcome you as well. If you want to call the show, our number here, 800-893-9562. Make sure you like Bad Advice on Facebook. And as well, you can subscribe for free at the iTunes store. Bad Advice, if you're unfamiliar, is a very funny show where I am joined by a bunch of funny people. This week is no exception. I am joined by Ken August, host of the weekly wrap-up. Happy to be here. I have Vic Cohen, host of It's a Fair Question. Just say it quickly, Vic. Just say hi. Boy, you're very angry today, Drew. No. I'm not your bitch. I'm not your bitch. Zach. Let's think about that. It's Zach's turn. I know. Zachary Forrest. Foster. Foster, yes. Hi. Thank you for having me. Let's go back to Vic real quick. No, no. Don't even say that. Let's move. Marie Del Prete, a very lovely and funny young lady. What? Who maybe we'll get into, like, the celebrity she's going to be doing soon. We're not getting into anything. Okay. And Sal Rodriguez, host of... Registered. Registered Ear Offenders. And I am pleased to fill the weekly Latino quota. Nice. Rick Esquieta, thank you for covering for me last week. If you're unfamiliar with bad advice, what we do here is you can ask questions on any subject at all. Since we are untrained and unqualified, we will help you out with some truly bad advice. We'll also be covering news stories from around the world. These are people I think could use some advice, but just didn't bother asking. I want to thank our sponsor this week. It is audible.com. You can get a free audio book. Just at checkout, use audibletrial.com slash skid row. And the great part there is, you know, some of our people here do like to write books. What happened to Adam and Eve? We have them too. I need a dildo. You can go there. Okay. I can lend you mine. All right, please. Oh, that is just disgusting. Hey, Drew, may I thank my sponsor, Frank C.? I would like to thank you. Just a little shout out. What is a Frank C.? Not your 12-step sponsor, Vic. Oh, I'm sorry. I like to thank my sponsor, Ben Dorsey. And Dover. Oh, my God. Really? This is what I woke up and showered for? Go ahead, Frank. I don't want to thank anybody. I want to apologize for those two. I appreciate that the most. I'm still beaten up. You shouldn't feel beat. I was just going to promote your books, Vic. What books? The ones you wrote that are now available on audible.com. Oh, wow. Vic Cohen's a very prolific writer. You may know him from either of these two bestsellers, My Imaginary Friend Won't Play With Me and Fifty Shades of Back Hair. Ah! Ah! Yay! Just because he can write books doesn't mean he can read them. That's all right. I, too, have a book on audible.com. Make sure you check out It's Not Me, It's You. Nice. I have one, too. It's Not Me, It's Jew. Are you angry at yourself for making that joke? I am offended. I am offended by that. What about my book Fifty Shades of Vic's Back Hair? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Okay. And Sal's book as well. What? Yeah. She loves me, just not as much as the other guys. Oh. No, Sal. Wait, these are repeats from last week. How lazy are you? I am very, very lazy. It's Fifty Shades of the Same Fucking Book. Those were for our new listeners, okay? But thanks for ruining the image. Let the mystique go, guys. I do like that joke. It was fresh to me. Thank you. Thank you. You weren't here last week, Sal. It should have been new to you. Excuse me for listening to the fucking show. And I would say, Vic, thank you for not listening. Yeah. My pleasure. I like to keep it fresh. All right. Well, we're going to start today again. Our number, if you want to call, if you have something you want to add to the show, or if you have a question, 800-893-9562. You can also follow us on Twitter at Drew's Bad Advice. Our first story, this man's name is Jesus Mata. Jesus Mata, apparently, age 21 from Texas, recently received a tax refund and decided to spend it all at a strip club bar called Whispers. See? After he spent all the cash, he realized he screwed up and he concocted a titillating tale to police about how six gunmen in two trucks robbed him at gunpoint with assault weapons. He did this because he was scared to tell his wife that he spent all the money at the strip club. How much was it? Like 20 bucks? He spent $1,000. That's racist. I know. Wait, let me see him. Wait, last part of the story. Okay, good, good. He's better than me. After police tried to track down the trucks but got suspicious, when no leads emerged, they confronted him, and when they questioned him the second time, he admitted making up the story to hide the fact that he blew the whole $1,000 wad. Wait, they gave him a tax refund and he blew it at a strip club. What did he do illegal again? No, he didn't do anything illegal. He lied to the police. He got married is what he did. I just want to take it. I want to go hats off to the writer of that to use the word blue and wad. Yes. Wait, what did he do that was illegal? He lied to the police. About spending money at a strip club? That's a crime? No, no, no, no, no. Really? You listen to the show but not the question? I only listen to the show when I'm not in the show. He's not here. Oh my God. He hits the SAP button when he listens at home, so he doesn't know what he's talking about. Are you drinking too much tequila? That's racist. I'm so sorry. That's racist. Well, here's what happened. Sal, once again, here's what happened. He got his refund check. Talk slow. Spent all $1,000 at the strip club. Got it. Then went to the police and created a lie because he didn't want his wife to find out the truth. Oh, I see. Got it. And they filed a case. And they had to try. And find this imaginary person. Marie's doing hand puppets. This is great. Yeah? Yeah? The taxpayer's money was spent to go look for this imaginary jerk-off, okay? Titi Del Grande. Oh, I'm so sorry. I know why Sal's having a... I understand why Sal's having a very hard time because he was at a dungeon last night watching people get spanked. Really? I was at a dungeon last night brought to you by the ladies of Skid Row who host The Love Bits. Love Bites. Love Bites. Invited all of us at Skid Row to go to a dungeon. I went last night. I saw a lot of... I wasn't invited. I saw a lot of fat asses getting whipped. Well, was your... That could be any episode of Vic's show, but let's stay on topic. Was your ass one of the fat ones getting spanked? You have a fat ass? That's racist. Hey, Marie, when you put your hand over your mouth but you speak into a fucking microphone, I just want you to know that doesn't do anything. Sal, let's see your ass. Let's see your ass. He's got some juice. Drew, come on. Drew wants nothing to do with that. Let's do our show, Vic. How's that? All right. I get interested. I get sidetracked. Okay, but here's the thing. I believe your show is on Wednesdays at 10, so you can do that then. Yeah. So he's saying drink a cup of shut the fuck up. Exactly. Go on. That's racist. No, our advice for Jesus is I would say, here's the thing. Don't pay your taxes. It is... You... You... Lying is fine, but do it to your wife and not the police. Well, I think... Where... Did it say where? Because are we sure this was dollars and not pesos? Because the whole thing could have been like $1.80. That's true. It might have been. You're absolutely right. It was in Tejas. What's a Tejas? It's Texas. Oh. I thought you spoke Spanish. I speak Spanglish. No, no. She speaks accent. That is what she does. She was Japanese there for a second. I do it all. Well, that's fantastic to hear. That's the longest she's gone without turning German, so it kind of makes me happy, actually. Yeah, it was. That's creepy. It's because his wife was a fu... I don't like it. I don't like it. You're making Vic uncomfortable. Anything makes him uncomfortable. No, no. He does all of the Jew jokes. I hate Jew jokes. But you were fine with it when she was doing the Mexican stuff. I don't like that either. He's going to edit out what you said jokes and we're just going to hear, I hate Jews. No. Why you hate yourself? That's so racist. I don't even like that. A lot of people die. You're such a macho. A lot of people die. When? Today. For being Jewish. No, for being... Yeah, no. A lot of people die When I watched Schindler's List, I remember thinking as I was watching that, this is horrible. Could you imagine something like that actually ever happened? Oh. Okay, see, that doesn't work for you. Vic is pissed. There's steam coming out of my earphones. See what happens when we go off topic, Vic? Do you see now? Do you see what happens? We have a whole new system now. When Vic goes off topic, you punish him with Holocaust jokes. Oh, I like it. I like it a lot. This is well played. This show's getting a little lighthearted and goofy. Why don't we try and really class it up with some good jokes? Yeah, I like that. All right, then we'll move on to the next story. An Indonesian woman drowned her nine-year-old son in the bathtub, claiming she was worried that his small penis would affect his prospects for a good future. Oh, good, you found a laugher. Nice. Wait a minute, he died? A 38-year-old woman from the capital told her son, or told police that her son had a small penis prior to being saved. She told him that he was circumcised, but that it appeared to shrink even further after the operation. She told police investigators she killed him as he just simply wouldn't have a good future with a small penis. I'm going to boycott this story, and I'm not going to answer anything from it. Why? Because somebody died. I can't handle it. I've got a couple things to say about this. I have no problem with the death part of this. Why? If it's a Jew, it's different? I don't understand. You just piped on him. You piped on him. I'm sick of it. It was the baby named Goldstein. I know. I don't understand. You're getting all freaked out. Listen, we all have our limits. You don't like death. Look how upset you are about this. I don't like kid death. Well, okay, just shut your ears for a moment, please. Shut your ears. All right. Hey, it's early. We're just here to have some fun. You're all very angry today. Relax, Marie. There are plenty of them in India. I feel like, yeah, here's the deal. If you're in a tub, there's shrinkage. So, right? I mean, maybe the kid just had shrinkage. Isn't that just if it's a cold tub? That's what I said, yeah. No, no, when you're Vic, you blame it all the time. Also. As a man with a sometimes small penis, I could say that it is tough. And if I had been killed as a child, I probably would have saved a lot of pain. Vic walked into the studio, and the first thing he said to me was, sorry, shrinkage. So, I don't think he has to be in the water. And that was before we put on the air conditioning. No, there's two sides to every story. That's all I'm going to say to this. Yeah. So, do you think she had planned to kill her son? Do you think she put him in a tub so that while killing him, if she started to question it, she could see his small penis and be like, yes, this is the right thing. This is why I'm doing it. Is that the reason? I think the part of the story that bothers me, and he was nine. Nine? That's just a number, man. Well, here's the other thing. Not inches, because then I don't think the story would apply. What the woman doesn't understand is that there are showers and there are growers. Now, this nine-year-old was probably going to be a grower, but she never gave him the chance. Did I turn on a gardening fucking show? What is he talking about? I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. I think he's saying you needed fertilizer. I don't know. No, the point is that some guys don't look big. That's a shower. You just don't show. And then there are growers. When they grow and get aroused, they become large. Okay, well, that's possible. But the other thing is, you ever take into consideration maybe the kid was just somewhat normal? Here's the thing. If I'm in the bathtub and my mom's in the room, it is going to go beyond shrinkage. It's going in reverse. Yeah. I've heard my dick. I actually undo my fly and run out of the room. Yeah. I mean, Marie. Wouldn't bother me. Maria is fucking texting. What the hell are you doing here? Marie, you wouldn't- I told you I was boycotting this story. Okay, but you wouldn't like still bathe your kid naked at nine, would you? And if he had a small penis, would you kill it? He has to bathe. You know, I mean, I don't know. I mean, like if he wants to take a bath, you mean would I be there? Yeah. Not saying would you make your- Of course, I'm not suggesting your kid stop bathing at nine. My kid is almost four and I still take baths with him. Naked? I mean, no. I leave my underwear and my bra on. It's like a little pool. Holy shit. You leave your underwear and your bra on in the bathtub? Of course. Why don't you wear a swimsuit? Why are you getting your underwear and bra on? Because it's right. Because it's already on me and I don't have to change into something. You're giving him a wet t-shirt. I'm trying to like not damage him. The weird thing is when she bathes with her husband, she wears jeans and a sweater. Damage him. Marie, I'm pretty sure if your boy saw you naked, he would not be damaged. Well, he saw me enough naked. So I'm figuring now that he's becoming more aware, I should probably... Does your kid have a cell phone? No. He plays with mine. Vic is outside the window. He'll take some pictures. Okay. I was going to say, he's a text me kid. My husband did take a bunch of naked pictures when he was little and I would... Oh, I thought of you. Why does this story never go the way I want it to? Well, it was me and him in the bathtub. Excellent. And then like, you know, when people swipe your phone and start watching. That's called child porn. No one can ever swipe my phone. No, because the kid has a bar over his eyes. Let's just say that a couple of people have said that. They see me naked from that phone. Let's just say that. Can I make a call with your phone for a moment? I did leave my phone in the car. So in an emergency. Your husband should delete those pictures because that's porn. Yeah. If you ever unlock your husband from the fucking basement, I would like to see his phone. And I was nursing at the time, so I had very large boobs. Wow. I would have loved that. What size cup? See, Vic is now happy again. It was like a D size cup I got you. Could you squirt across the room? You could squirt pretty far. Wow. And when you're... And when you're in the shower, they leak. They just go all over the place. I love you so much. Because of the steam. Steam milk. All right. Steam milk. It's like cappuccino. It tastes like rice milk, basically. I love that. I like everything about that story except that sound. There was no sss in it. It doesn't make sound when it comes out. Whose story is this? It was a deflating balloon, dude. What was going on? Isn't it true if your nipples keep getting sucked on, they'll be lactating forever? Like it's just the stomping? Forever, even after you're dead. I don't know. I don't know that fact. We should find out. We should find out. All right. Next time she has a kid. Our next story. I'll let you know. This one comes from Port St. Lucie. It says, a St. Lucie West Centennial High School teacher is accused of drinking and doing drugs with a student. Elizabeth Hadzidikas, age 33, was arrested at the high school. Apparently, a 17-year-old boy told the sheriff's investigators he took painkillers, drank beer, and smoked weed with her at her house in June until they passed out on her couch. That's funny. A man who identified himself as her husband declined immediate comment Friday saying he was, quote, collecting his thoughts. Where were all these fucking teachers when I was in school, David? Dude, have you ever been to Port St. Lucie, Florida? I have. That's like nothing to those people. You know what I mean? That's like every day. And Sal, the teachers in your school were still having sex with students, just not with you. Oh. Oh. That's racist. Totally racist. That's totally racist. It didn't say what grade. So she provided all the drugs to this kid? Yeah. Or did he come, like, packing and then she just, like, said okay? I like this. When they arrested her, they said police found a small amount of oxycodone in her purse, a small amount of marijuana, and a bong, as well as, quote, other items in her home. They don't say what that is. What did she teach? How big is this fucking purse? How about that? Very large. No, you don't need a big purse for that. For a bong? Well, that's true. A bong. That's true. I don't know. They said all her other students said they were surprised they didn't see it. They didn't think she was that kind of person. But doesn't say what she taught? No. Did she have sex with this boy? Well, that's what I think makes her such a horrible person. She didn't even, she got this kid loaded. They passed out on her couch. It's like, what a cock tease. You get this kid all loaded up on pills, booze, and pot, and then you're like, go to sleep. Well, you know what? You know, misery loves company, and when you do drugs, you want a partner in crime, so maybe she just wanted somebody to do all the dope with. You know what? You know what? I'm boycotting this one. I'm boycotting this one. You tease a kid, you tease a kid with drugs, you tease them with your sexiness, and you don't deliver. I'm boycotting this. How do you know she's sexy? Maybe she's hideous. Is there a picture of her? There was on the other, sorry, online, but it didn't print. I'm assuming this kid was pretty well hung since she didn't drown him in a bathtub. It's not funny, Ken. What was that? Seriously, Marie? No, you were still here, Marie. That's my fault. I'm sorry. I thought people here knew it was a fucking comedy show. That's my fault. I know. Somebody let the occasional German know what's going on. Right? Today, Marie comes in with no sense of humor. Jesus. Who made you think this was a comedy show? I don't know. No, I think we all agree that the teacher is definitely in the wrong here for not putting out. Well, maybe the kid, like, maybe the kid was, you know, lame, and he fell asleep. Like, that's not really cool. It could have just been a first date, too. That's true. So you're saying she's just holding back, like... And then outside parties influenced it, and they didn't get to go to the third date. Or they've been doing the same thing this a long time, and that this is just part of the progression of their relationship. Oh, so they're already over the sex? Yeah. It's like, all I can do is get high with you now. You feel like an old married couple. You're an old, an old 10th grader. He comes over, and they both lay in separate beds. All right. I want to remind everybody you are listening to Bad Advice on Extreme Talk XM channel 165. We are on XM every Saturday, 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. That'll be 7 o'clock here in California. Our number, if you want to call up and join us on any of these questions, 800-893-9562. All right. Our next story. This one is a gentleman named Daniel Anaya. Apparently, a shoe salesman named Daniel Anaya, age 27, is accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend's Santa Fe apartment and biting off the tip of her big toe. The girlfriend told police that he broke into the home the couple used to share and asked her if he could smell her feet. When she said no, Anaya, allegedly, slammed her against a wall, forcibly removed her shoes and socks, and began biting her left big toe. He chomped down so hard that his teeth went through the nail bed and down to the bone. The woman told police that she broke up with Anaya because he had bitten her other big toe. At least this guy's consistent. I know what's going on here. I know what's going on here. What? He's a shoe salesman and he noticed that she didn't fit into the smaller size of shoe, so he was just trying to knock it down a size. What is this, like the new Cinderella reboot? What the fuck? The good news for her is that she's out of fucking big toes, so I'm assuming she's done biting her. That's the good news. What actually brings up something that I've been always wanting to ask, Marie, may I sniff your feet? You don't want to see them first? What if they're terrible? Yeah, no, I don't have a pedicure right now, but next week I will let you sniff my feet. Sal, do you have any idea how fucked up her feet would have to be for Vic to be like, no, I'm good? No, I have nice feet. I have nice feet. As long as their feet there. I do. They're small, too. They're six and a half. Oh. Like little baby feet. No need to bite a toe off. No, I just wonder if this guy's favorite song was tiptoe, tiptoe through the molars. Oh my God. Like, don't sing that song ever again. I can't stand, I'm not into feet, so I don't, I can't, I'm going to have to sit this story out. Everybody's going to take their turn. You guys are so mean. I'm sorry. You know what's funny? We don't normally do this. We usually go through the story, the stories, and then get to the questions, but as I was going through some of the questions we got, I wanted to bring this one up. Oh, which one is it? Did you improvise in your ass? Oh my God. Holy shit. Wow. This is crazy. So he bit a big toe off. Go ahead, you talk while I find this person's question. I want, I mean, maybe he thought it was chicken in like a little nugget. I'm curious what his dating history was like, though. Is this really the first time he's been biting girls? No, he lost. Is this Mike Tyson? Because sometimes he bites a toe. You know, he's starting at the other end. That's racist. He's biting the candle at both ends. I like the fact that he's a shoe salesman because you know he's been trying this on other ladies. Like, you know, when he's trying the shoes on. Well, he's got a job he could love. Yeah. He's probably got a major foot fetish where he wants to eat it. Probably has a major foot fetish. Definitely. We should all be happy he's not a gynecologist. Oh, no. You wouldn't want to have that bitten off. No. He will have a camera and a shoe, though. Yeah. Here's the question we got from, it doesn't say where he's from, but, oh, actually, it does. Derek. Derek wrote, my girlfriend loves to walk around barefoot. Wow, Vic. Yeah, but it says we live in L.A., but she still does it all the time and it really grosses me out. I don't think I'm overreacting, am I? No, because you know what's going to happen to her? She's going to get flat foot and she probably has, like, all debris and crap all over her feet. Really? Flat feet is the problem? See, I think, no, Derek, you're not overreacting. This woman is gross. She's disgusting. Look, I sound like Vic. I hate her. I agree, OCD. I totally agree with you. Like, I don't like dirty feet. I think it's gross. I can answer this one. Go ahead, please. It's Derek. Yes. Derek, you are so pathetic. Why is he pathetic? Hold on. Let me finish this. First of all, the woman's begging for it. She's walking around unclothed. No. That's a sling. Unclothed? What are you, Muslim all of a sudden? Just shoeless. What is shoeless? Unclothed. So you consider her naked? Partially. It's getting there. Oh, my God. You're so desperate. It's getting there. It's starting. No, I'm not. It's skin, and it starts with something. You know, you can't get naked. It's very hard to take the pants off without the shoes and socks. You're saying it's just a matter of time until she's walking around bare-ass because she doesn't like wearing shoes. It's twice as fast for her to drop her pants with her shoes and socks on. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that Derek, you know, when you put your face in her, you know, vagina, what do you think that's like? I mean, where's that vagina been? I mean, the feet are... She's not dragging that on the floor. On the floor. First of all, it's been about four feet higher than the soles of her feet. That's where it's been. I mean, how big are your women that's dragging their vaginas all over their... I don't know what that vagina's been. It could have hit a toilet seat on the way up or down. Oh, my God. You don't know what's going on with the vagina. What is wrong with you? It's not exactly like, you know, pristine in the vagina. One minute you love everything about the vagina, and now it's like disgusting. I don't like disease ridden. I love the vagina, and I like bare feet, and I think Derek needs to man up and be a grown man. I disagree. I'm confused by your view. I agree with it. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Okay, look. Wait a minute. Bare feet will give you dirty feet, but shoes fuck up the feet. Women get bunions, corns, calluses from shoes. They don't get it by being barefoot. I do not have bunions. Bare feet gets warts, homeless people urine, saws. Thank you. Scars. It is reflective of a bigger issue. If this woman is walking around barefoot, okay? That's nasty. Yeah, absolutely. Think about it. As you're undressing a woman, okay, you're making out. You're undressing a woman. You're just like Zay. You got to take the shoes off first. You know? So you're like, if that's the first thing I encounter, it's like, oh, hell no. No, no. Exactly. And I pride myself on the arch of my foot because I wear a lot of heels. I like it. My arch is really high. All right, let's see this. Later, later. We don't have time. Let me just say something. Derek, you know, this is the whole point. I mean, like, skin is skin. Don't fight it. It's good. Derek, the only thing more disgusting than the bottom of your wife's feet is Vic. Now listen. I hate all of you for making me agree with Vic on this one. Really? Really? Unless I'm going to fuck her feet, I don't care. I teach massage therapy, okay? Does she say anywhere in the story, he has to lick her feet at any point in time? You want to have gross fucking feet? It is assumed. I'd fuck a foosball player. Big fucking clumpy feet. I don't care. As long as it's attached to a vagina somewhere. His head is as red as a cherry right now. I love this woman's spirit. I love her spirit. I love her spirit. I hate it. I love that she's natural. She may have smugged on her feet, by the way. This clove-smoking, patrouille-oil-wearing hippie chick can kiss my ass. No. She has syphilis on her feet. Yes. Derek, send her. Email me her number and I'll take her off your hands. All right, wait a minute. I'm not sure. No, okay. Which way, where do you stand on this one, Sal? I support women being barefoot. Okay, then you should be on that side of the table with the disgusting people. Disgusting people? Can I make one more point? And Zach can come over here. Wait, the guy's halfway there. She's barefoot. Exactly. You're pregnant and you're boom. I don't have any freaking gloves on my hand. Am I halfway there to having sex with all of you right now? Yes. As far as we are concerned, yes. I'm sorry. Every time I look at you, I think you're three-quarters of the way there. Yes, exactly. More than halfway. Well, here's the deal. She goes around barefoot, right? Don't wave those bare hands at me. Crazy slut. Stop harassing us. Yeah. I'm taunting. I'm taunting. She goes around barefoot all over the neighborhood or wherever the hell this skank goes. And then, she gets into the bed with the clean sheets, right? And they start rubbing around in there. All that gunk gets into the sheets. He rubs his ass, his penis, whatever it is. Maybe his face goes into that area because they're doing the opposite way. They're doing 69. And now he's got funk on his face. It's disgusting. She's not going to shower before she has sex or clean her feet. The point is that I'll say it. I've known women that walk around with no shoes. It doesn't get clean. She's divorced. She's not. Who are these women? Yeah, I don't understand. Just because a woman doesn't like wearing shoes, you guys have everywhere she walks is in a trail of shit. I go to the dog park every day. You know that. I take my dog to the dog park. Your bitch is barefoot every day. Yes. And I kiss my dog but not the bottoms of her feet. Here's the deal. And Marie, no offense. It's okay. She kisses the bottom of her feet before she kisses you. Sorry. Marie, I know you have strong opinions. No, she doesn't. My dog thinks the bottom of the feet are disgusting. I know you have strong opinions, Marie, but yours don't really count. What? And I'll tell you why. Oh, yeah, because she's a woman. You don't sleep with women. You don't sleep with women. You're not the boss of her. You got used to it. One time you kissed some girl 30 years ago. That's not being a lesbian. Now he's an authority. What do you got? Like a history book on me? What the fuck are you talking about? I read the first draft of that fucking shit. Right? One at a time. One at a time. Marie suddenly has become bisexual. I'm everything. Okay, just quiet down. Quiet down, little tyke. You're a man. He's every woman. It's all in me. You like guys. You're a married-up guy. You haven't been with a woman in 30 years. What does that have to do with not being with a woman? Because you have no right to give an opinion on this situation. I have every right. I have probably been with more women than you have, so quiet. I would vote for that. I totally doubt that. I doubt that. 100%. Okay, wait. With or without paying? No, and that's why as a man, my opinion's much more valid. Vic is just angry because he was that close to being drowned as a child. I know. Not at all. Let me tell you something. You're not in the market for women. Your opinion's not important. I probably get hit on by more women than you do, so I am in total market and let me finish by saying... If one of those women had dirty feet, she would say, hell no. I say, skank, move out the way. I love women. Case closed. That's right. I love women in a box. And most people don't keep their houses clean, so even if she's barefoot inside of her house, she's tracking in all the filth that people came in with their dirty shoes. That's all I'm saying. She's natural. I love a natural woman. Fine. Have a full one. I don't care. Have a full one. I think you people are freaky. I don't care. I like a woman being a woman if that's what she wants to do and it's natural. We were cavemen and cavewomen. She's just going back to her roots. But we have evolved. That's right. At least some of us have. You eat with a fork and a knife. It's hot. You still eating with your hands? It's hot. Dogs and kids in both your houses, your fucking houses are filthy. Nope. Filthy. Nope. Drew, you're a clean individual. You are a very clean individual. I can't walk in your room for three seconds without coming out like I got fucking Ugg boots. That place is so goddamn hairy. That is so not true. That is so goddamn hairy, dude. And I'm sure your kid has walked around barefoot before. That's a great point. Yes, because you know why? So you probably shouldn't sleep with him. Here's the deal. I wash my floors. No one comes into my house with shoes on. It is clean. I literally, I follow this kid around and I pick up as he dumps stuff on the floor. Your house is not clean. And the other thing is you cannot equate a dog or a kid. We're talking about a couple. To an adult with no shoes. Yes. Drew, your dog, yes or no? Does your dog wear shoes? Yes or no? No. Okay. All right. So you take that, you take your dog on trails with shit. Yes or no? Absolutely. He has a big stomach and the dog fucks it down and the dog licks it down. This is my point. That means you have shit in your house. Let's move to the next story. He's agreeing with you. I don't disagree with any of that. Can I say? Right, but how do you allow that? We've only scratched the surface on this. We only have a half hour. Let's really get into this. I agree. I agree. You're right, Zach. We're going to be in superficiality on this one. Zach is absolutely right. We're spending the most time on the least scandalous story. No, this is valid. This is real. No, look. We can agree on one thing here. We can agree on one thing. You are wrong. All right, now. Wait, I can't just say one thing. This room is divided. All right, last thing and then we're moving on. I'm going to tell you right now, Marie. When I'm invited to your house, the shoes stay on, okay? You're not coming in, so I'll stab you before you come into my house. That is so unwelcoming. That is so unwelcoming to make people take the shoes off. You'll bleed out on the freaking porch. Don't stab him. If you've seen Vic's feet, you want him to leave his shoes on. Three, two, one, and we are done. Okay, you are listening. Oh, my God. Vic has his feet. He's got his freaking shoe off and there's like some dead cradle on the top of his foot. Vic, your feet are an absolute example of why people should have shoes on. You know what? I just flipped my vote. Thank you. It's like big little foot. Yeah. It's just one little foot. Seriously. It's like it dressed up for Halloween. It's one bad toe. Oh, my God. It's got candy corn on the front. It's got one bad toe attached to it. Vic, how you would not drown. You're going to get yourself hurt in a hurry. Vic, I'm angry your mother didn't drown you as a child. To be fair, that looks genetic. Was that a special effect? That looks like a genetic experiment gone wrong, Zach. Wait, wait. I don't think I teleported. Wait, was that a special effect? Like, did you get makeup put on your foot today? Vic wears the same size shoe as you do, I think. Oh, my God. His toe wears the same size shoe as Murray's. It looks like a burnt Ewok. It's the fucking worst thing. I'd like to come back now, but that's fucked up. Seriously. All right. That is the worst. Here's the thing. I was going to say I have one more story that's hugely disgusting, but I'm not going to do it. I'm not sure it's as disgusting as what we all just saw. But here we go. I developed a stutter after seeing that. Ira Isaacs, a self-proclaimed shock artist notorious for integrating feces eating into his porn, was sentenced on Wednesday to four years in federal prison. Yeah. The 61-year-old South Bronx filmmaker was found guilty of violating federal obscenity laws by selling pornographic movies featuring bestiality and extreme fetishes. While wearing shoes. Yes. One video depicted two women having sex with Isaacs while eating feces. Well, I actually saw an interview with Ira Isaacs and the guy's always talking shit. You know what his favorite candy bar is? Reese's Feces. I like that one. You like that one? I don't want to be alive anymore. I've lost my show. His quote, though, is great. He goes, I feel like I just won the Academy Award. If an artist can offend so many people that he has to go to prison to protect society, that's really saying something. Most shock artists dream of this kind of attention, well, without the prison part. Wait, so he didn't eat the poop the girls did? No, just the girls did. Of course not. Yeah, that would be gross otherwise. Yeah. He's a director. Yeah, director. He's an artist. I like that he calls himself an artist. He's crap. Can I have the rule of threes on the puns? Can that be? All right, good. Yeah, I just think that this guy, here's the thing, like I say, I was going to say this is the most disgusting thing and I'm completely offended and yet... Vic's feet. Vic's feet. Seriously. Yeah, I know. This is kind of a letdown compared to what we were just talking about a little bit. I can find prettier things in my shit than Vic's feet. That was the grossest thing I've ever... Come on, you're playing it up too much. It's not a big deal. No, no, we're not. It was one nail. Did you see where I was sitting? I moved my seat like 30 yards to the left. I think he rubbed it on you, too. It's just, my jeans are burning. I don't know. Yeah, no, we're not getting back into the whole foot thing. Yeah, but I have to say, though, like if the director directed some chicken, some chicken? Some chick eating... There might have been a chicken. Some chick eating Vic's foot. Why did the feces eating cross the road? I think that that would be the right to go to jail, but, you know, I think that that foot is more disgusting than the feces. Yeah. No, I think people should be allowed to do whatever they want in movies if it's consensual. I think the bestiality part, that's not okay. What if that's consensual? I think... It can't be. It can't be. Have you seen some of these dogs? They're having a fucking great time fucking these women in Holland. Your dog looked at me and she can't speak, but her eye said yes. Well, maybe the dog... I can tell you that much. Maybe the dog was on like a vegan diet and it was very pure poop or something. Wait, you're mixing the two. You're saying that it's dog poop. No, the dog wasn't eating the poop. It's separate videos usually, I think. That's not a pornographic movie that's any weekend at the dog park. How come our culture allows movies with piss everywhere, cum everywhere, but we draw the line and it's shit? What the fuck is that? What movies are you watching, Sal? Vic's Library. I think it's just basic... You could die. It's basic health and also, I don't think you get paid money to eat poop in a video. I think you get paid your addiction, whatever that is. You get paid shit. Drugs. It's dangerous because there's so much bacteria in it. That might just be a fallacy. I mean, we don't really know that. Yeah, we do. Who do you know that's actually be like, oh, I have hepatitis because I ate shit? Who here? I don't know. I'm just going to admit that. Here's the thing. That seems more... More likely than the random contractual stuff that Zach just made up about the guy eating shit. He's like, no, they don't get paid in cash. No, they don't get paid drugs. I don't know. What price do you put on that? Six bucks. Well, make me an offer. Here's the thing. If any person has anywhere in that, like if I'm talking to them and it's somewhere in the sentence, it's like, you know, I ate poop for any given reason. Our conversation's done. It's hard to... I know, you can't move past that. I'm going to say one thing. I'm totally on board with selling this. If this is a grown... These are grown adults. No one's forcing this woman to eat feces. That is her choice. If that's what she wants to her career to be. No one's saying that she's forced. But if that's what she wants to specialize... No, no, I actually do agree. I don't know why that's even illegal. That should be what she... If she wants to eat shit... The reality part was illegal, I believe. Yeah, that was the illegal part. Well, no, poop porn is also... Is it illegal? The laws on pornography in the United States are if it's already been legally deemed obscene, you cannot profit or film it. Okay. And poop porn is considered obscene. Interesting. So it's illegal. Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something, Vic. That's weird to me. Really? I mean, they're both disgusting and I have no interest in seeing either one, but that does seem a little hypocritical. Well, it's because of the bacteria because if you drink urine, it's pure than it is to eat poop. Meanwhile, we all eat poop. They fucking put manure on our food. It grows in manure and then we eat it. We're all eating poop. Right. And again... Well, it's a happy day here. It's a bummer. It's a bummer. My question to Vic, was in all honesty, if you met a woman and she said to you, I eat poop, would you want to date her? No. Honestly. No, none of us would. That's not my thought. Even though you met her on IEatPoop.com, you still might. I am curious. I am curious, is there someone you had in mind for me? All right. Guys. I kind of... Go ahead. I kind of respect, though, the idea of being an environmentalist and recycling your diet to try and work at 100% efficient. Exactly. Zero emissions. Well... You're just... You're just... Yeah. Refiltering it. Use it in your garden, not in your home movies. All right. I want to remind our listeners, you are listening to us at skidrowstudios.com or on Extreme Talk XM channel 165. I do love how we have commercials, you know, for Sirius XM. We got an email. Did you guys notice this? Our commercials, like I have to make up a promo every week and it runs on shows like the Jesus Hour. Uh-oh. And it's the Jesus Hour. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. I wish it was the Jesus Hour, but it was the Jesus Hour and like other family shows. And the email that I got is like, you know, our promos have to be clean. But I got that email two days after the one I submitted. It's like, this guy wrote in and said, you know, my wife wanted to know what I wanted to do for Valentine's Day. I said, butt sex. It's like, that was the commercial we ran on the Jesus Hour until I found out, okay, we can't do those anymore. Well, they probably just talked about that. Who is the person on XM responsible for promo programming? Wait a second. We love you, Sirius XM. We love being on your network. What is more accepted by the church than butt sex? Are you kidding me? Well, that's true. They probably did say, after hearing the promo, they probably just said, Jesus. Jesus. That guy. What's wrong with those people? I want to thank them for having us. So, as again, enjoy us on Sirius XM Extreme Talk Channel 165. All right. Our question today, our next one. This one says, my teenage son insists he needs sneakers that cost him almost $150. He says, all his friends have them. Now, he's a good kid, but that still seems rather extreme. We're not poor, but it's not like our money doesn't matter either. What do I do? Have him date the barefoot bitch. It's Heather in Northridge. That's it. I think he should have to earn the money. I mean, I know that's good advice. That is good advice. He should really, my little nephew, like, I remember I wanted to take him out to get some new sneakers and I was just like, you know, here's, you know, 80 bucks or whatever and he's just like, like, he gave me attitude. I was like, for real? Because I'm not your mother, okay? You take the damn 80 dollars. Marie was so ready to hit that kid with a bat. I was. I was like, you little ingrate and I'm not buying you anything so get out of my face. I'll tell you about these fucking, these fucking ungrateful teenagers. They want iPads. They want $150 shoes. They need to do what I did as a teenager, fucking shoplift. That's a good advice. Okay, now my advice is similar to Marie's. I think, you know, Heather in Northridge, here's what you do. You have to teach that kid the value of money. You know, it's like, but, you know, you can't just like, with me as a kid, you know, oh, go rake leaves or cut a lawn or you're like, get a job. It's like, no, scare them a little bit. It's like, you are going to have to earn that money but have them do it in the sex trade. You know, you give that guy to, you know, you give that kid over to one guy on Santa Monica Boulevard and he's going to be like, sandals are fine. 99 cent store flip flops. I'm good. You know, I want to poop on your son. Don't send me back to the bad man. Buy him the shoes. You lock him in a closet, make him smoke a carton of cigarettes. That's kind of my answer for almost everything. You're mixing up the parenting skills? Hey man, if it works, it works. You stick with it. We always had stuff that came off the back of a truck, so we always had like the best. That's because your brother held up the truck. We don't talk about that. I was taught the social impact of desiring things like that when I was a kid. I wanted those expensive shoes and then my parents were like, you know, kids younger than you made them died. They moonlight in the sex trade, you know, and you now want to profit off of that and encourage it and promote it and then I just always, I had a kind of complex. I don't buy his shoes. Really? Buy his shoes supports terrorism. Yeah, but here's the thing, you have to be sensitive for that to work and most kids are going to be like, I don't give a shit about those kids. If you hammer that in young enough. How many women, how many fucking fiance bitches know about blood diamonds yet they, I still want a diamond. I think, no, you make a great point about this with what the kids have gone through because I would say to my kid, if we get those $150 sneakers, they've won. The terrorists have won. I think my advice is for Zach, by the way, don't talk to your parents anymore, they're depressing. I know. I wanted to bleed out right on this table. This is so awful. The other suggestion I have is two words, Craigslist. Maybe that's two. Used sneakers? Yeah, just go look on Craigslist. You can't buy used sneakers. What the hell's that? That's also disgusting. You can't wear your feet looking like that. You can't look like that. You can cover up with used sneakers. This is the result of used sneakers. I've never used used sneakers and it's really just one bad toe. They're so messed up. Big's feet see its own therapist. Can I just say something? I didn't see any other toenail besides that big toenail. That's because it jumps up and waves at you. Look at me. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of all of me. Even my biggest defect. That's your biggest defect? Yeah. I disagree. I disagree. All right, our next question is this. Can I say one more thing, though? Okay. No. I feel bad for kids because there is such bad peer pressure to get what everybody else is getting. And you guys all remember when you were younger, you wanted the cool jacket that everybody else had or the sneakers that everybody else had. I feel like, look, if it's not a habit, let them have the frigging sneakers. You know what I mean? Well, hang on. My parents said about peer pressure that it'll lead me to death. But first, all my friends will turn on me for being so weak-willed that I followed them and I'll die alone and they won't even go to my funeral. And then you will eat poop. You'll eat poop as an adult. Wow, your parents really messed you up. They wanted me to not make a bad impact. And now look at you. I know, and now Zach is like the nicest guy ever. And Zach shows comedy, ladies and gentlemen. But it was stupid advice because you're still alive and you don't have any friends. So they... While you're here. One thing I would say, this is the answer, the ultimate answer. You tell the kid, and I would do this, I'm going to remember this when I have children. Yeah, that's going to happen. Yeah, it will happen as long as I keep my socks on. Start a new trend. That's what you tell the kid. Let's try something new. Garbage bags on your feet. Seriously, sandwich bags or anything. I was told that trends exploit the shoe for society by my parents. And they said that you're as bad as anybody else. You might as well be a fashion. Seriously, the epically long things that your parents said to you would have been like, I wouldn't have had insomnia because I'd have been like, I don't know. I don't know. That was a recording. In my lunch bag. Did you grow up on a prairie in a corn field? Like, what the hell? People listen to recordings of Zach to kill themselves. Zach's dad is Ed Begley Jr. Hey, Zach, are your parents available to be guests here on the show? Because they give lots of bad advice. Yeah, yeah. That's true. They might be available. All right, well, we are going to move on. Helen in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey wrote, my husband and I like to try new things in bed. A while back, I came into the bedroom wearing overalls and nothing underneath and he loved it. Now he only gets excited when I wear the overalls. I'm tired of it, but he's obsessed. What do I do? She's got to come up with something more creative than the overalls. You know what I mean? Like, and then he'll, he's, I mean, you know, men are stupid. They'll just, they'll adapt. You know what I mean? What, you bitch? You guys are, when it comes to that, you're totally stupid. That's true. I like it. He sees one thing he likes, like, no, I'm good. I think that she wants to be, I think your husband, Helen, wants to be with a man. And what I would do is, I would, to spice things up, I would bring a man into the bedroom in overalls. Bring Belle, Biv, Devoe in there. Didn't they always wear overalls? Did they? I think you can get them pretty cheap nowadays. I'm pretty sure. Well, Biv. What's Biv's been on the skids? Since you mentioned Belle and Devoe were okay. Since you mentioned Belle, Biv, Devoe, TLC also wore overalls. Oh, probably a better call. Who's TLC? I'm, I ain't too proud to beg. Don't go chasing, what, is that the one? Yeah, that's it. I don't care, just use that voice. Are you going to turn into Music Hour here? Are you a fucking munchkin? What the hell are you? I'm everything, bitch. That was Britney. I'm Britney, bitch. So, all right. I think that's the answer. Bring a man into the room. This guy is a late, late and late gay. She's Britney, bitch. Yeah, I'd say just, you know, tell him, it's like, oh, wear the overalls, but I'm going to do it this time with a penis. I think she has to get more creative. I think she should turn into some kind of character. You know what I mean? Like, get a wig, get some hot pants, you know, do some like, you know. She could be passive aggressive and just stop washing them until they just can't stand it. No, no, that's a good idea. Oh, that's a good idea too. Did Mr. Green Jeans or Captain Kangaroo or someone like that? Captain Kangaroo had a sidekick named Mr. Green Jeans. This was a long time ago. Yeah, but, I don't know what the point is. Captain Kangaroo? You're saying he wants to sleep with Mr. Green Jeans. Overall, not his wife. Not his shoes. Disgust him. Anyone here under 60, raise your hand. I think that, I think Zach's got a good point. Like, she should rub manure all over the overalls and say, well, it was a hard time in the field today. Just kind of go with it. That's racist. That's racist. Go the opposite way. Just make it so disgusting that he'll never want to see them again. Exactly. Maria, to your point, men do love dress up. Yeah. If the guy found something he likes, just go with it. Don't be such a bitch about it. Well, you guys need to, it's not being a bitch. You guys, like, it gets boring. Like, you have to like, you know, I'm surprised that he's willing to just do the same thing over and over again. She's just lucky that he still wants to be with her. No. She's not lucky about that. marriage is like that. Marriage will kill a relationship. No, if he's that single-minded, she's not that lucky. All right, here we go. Our next one, Bob in Omaha wrote to the site and said, my girlfriend has really bad skin. How do I get her to do something about it without being insulting? Oh, I've got a great answer for that. You said, you know how I used to like to have sex with the lights off, well, now I also like to speak to you with the lights off. Because you're gross. You say, can I borrow some of that cheese from your face for my pasta? to avoid the insulting. Yeah, because that's going to do it without insulting her. She'll be, oh, that's funny. Is that a pizza? Oh, no, it's your face. Wait, what kind of bad skin we, what are we, like pimples, leprosy? What the fuck are we talking about here? I think pimples. This is an opportunity for a man. This is a gift because what he should do is, whatever your name is, Bob, what you should do is you tell her the best thing for your skin is sperm. It's of no effect. I will go back to, we did that story. the benefits, the health benefits of ingesting sperm and one of them was clear skin. Right, he should be. You show her that article and you staple that article to her forehead. to her face. Then you cover it and then I would start coming on her face. Immediately. All the time and she'll get better. Why is that appealing to you guys to have somebody like stand there and get all over your face? It's not intimate. It is for us. It's not. No, no, I disagree, Vic. It is not intimate. Our face is not a wall. You understand that? Or a cup. Don't tell me what we're talking about. Or a garbage pail. I'll speak for all guys. It can be all of those things. It's not. We love putting our love juice everywhere. Do you put it on your face? I have. Oh, geez. Why do you have such beautiful skin? Marie, what part of you did not know the answer to that before the words left your face? Marie, can I just say something? Can you do something on your toe that you got there? Fix it a little bit. I'm just saying if anything was going to stick to his face I can only hope it burns it off. Can we test it on his toenail, the Colonel Korn, and just see? I can see Vic's sperm being like the best thing to do with saliva from Alien. You know how it just burns through metal? Just for the listeners at home, it was one toe. We all have a problem. Because the other ones fell off. Ran away. Are you kidding? This little piggy said I'm out of here is what happened. That guy could have bit it off. Wait, Marie, let me speak for guys here. Please. Okay, I do not like to come on a woman's face or anything. I want her to swallow it because semen is like blood. It changes color when oxygen hits it. It's not a mood ring. Thank you. It just needs to go down. So the important thing is her to swallow it because then it won't change color which you won't see because she swallowed it and that's what's so important to you? You don't get that at all. You guys know blood. Blood is actually green, you know. Zach, what would your parents say to Sal? Here's what my parents would say. You're wasting it. It's not for procreation so what are you doing? You're devaluing life. But wait, but wait, Zach, like Sal fulfills the special needs like a seat on the show. Just special needs. Just special needs. That's racist. Wait, what is the color of sperm? What is the color of sperm then if it's... Well, you know the color of blood is actually green and then when oxygen hits it it turns red. Okay, so what about sperm? I thought it was blue. This is... Maybe you're right. What's the semen and sperm? Tell me. The actual color of sperm is a translucent yellow. Why does it matter? It is extra drinkable that way. Mine's kind of red because I have a lot of beets. And mine's kind of red because it's colorless. Yeah, that's why it's red. That's why it's red, dude. It might just be angry. I think beets and blood might be very similar for you, but yeah, sure. You're healthy. You're healthy. I don't know if I'm more grossed out but you're bloody pissed. Are you saying it's not cool when I put borscht on a woman's face? And Bob, the other thing I want to say to Bob is that... I'm sorry, Mom. Bob, I will tell you this. Mom likes a good Jewish joke though with borscht. It wasn't her face you're not talking about. You said borscht on someone's face. Sorry, Mom. What are you talking about? Because my mom listens to the show. Oh, I thought she... Oh, then sorry for that question as well. Bob, one of the things, I actually enjoy making love to a woman who has bad skin and I'll tell you why. Because they let you. No. Because it's the one person you're prettier than. No. Okay, that's great. Those are funny. That's funny. I'll give you that. No. The reason I love it, the reason I love it is because it's real. I'm tired of airbrushed fake women online. I like to see a real woman and real women sometimes do suffer from a little bit of this. Sometimes, women are really ugly. Can I ask? I have a little blemish right here. You know what? That's sexy. I do see it and I love it. Do you like it? Hold on. At what point in your life do you get sick of that? I'm just curious when do I approach that? I'm not sick of the airbrush. In 30 years, when you're Vic's age, you'll feel it. When Vic is with a woman, he likes to be one of the top five best looking people in that room. I will tell you this. You've got a zit on your left, like over there under your left. He's got a zit on his left. Fuck you, sir. Zach is cute. For all the viewers, check it out. It's true. I'll tell you something. You are listening. Zach is a really, really good, he's a cute, good looking guy. Chicks would dig Zach. I'm going to tell you something. I'm totally straight and I do think you're a good looking guy. You've got an innocence about you that's just charming. The zit, though, makes you even more enticing and if I were gay, I would find you more interesting. If I were a gay, I would lick your zit? I think I just made that change in my life. I like the worst. I'm going to skin now. No, you can lick me. True story. Zach, you're not covering it. Two days ago, I went out to lunch and sake with these two friends of mine. By the way, Jen and Daniel. And by the way, Drew is telling everybody. No, no, no, no, no. We had a great time. I have sex with neither of these two women. We're just friends but they are both really beautiful, okay? I went home that day and there was a message on my computer that this kind of unattractive, heavy chick from OkCupid sent me a little note and I'm like, I would rather go and hang out with this two good looking chicks knowing that sex is not in the pipeline than talk to that other one. You are gay, Drew. No, I'm shallow. You'd rather not fuck a hot chick than fuck a not so hot chick. Absolutely. I'm with him on that. You are gay. No, Ken, back me up here. Yeah, no, I'm with you. I'm 100% with you. Unless it's somebody where you look at and you're like, I can't have sex with this woman anyway. If that's the case, then you're not looking to go hang out with her. So if that's what you're comparing, but if she's good looking enough for you to have sex with her, then there's no choice. And I want to tell you, I think- No, but we're not talking, what I'm saying is, if any woman falls below the standard, no, I do not. If you would not- And that's, you know what, I think, listen, when you have like something that you're attracted to, you can't control it. Like either you're attracted to that or you're not. Like some men love big women. It's just, it is what it is. It's not about like, you know, saying, oh, you know, overweight women aren't attractive. It's just that I'm not attracted to them. Yeah, sex for me is not so important that I will do it with someone that I'm not attracted to. That's because you're a hundred. It's valid. Zach, Zach. No, I've always been that way. Zach, what do your parents say? My parents say that basing the value and attraction just based on what people look like superficially is a weakness and you should be weeded out. I will kick your parents ass and let's see how weak they think I am. But sometimes it's not, it's not just about like, like I'm attracted to funny men. So you're telling us your husband is not good looking. That's what you're saying. Your husband is cute to me. I think he's very good looking. To me. No, but I mean like, whatever, somebody else might not. Nobody else is allowed to see him. I'm going to tell you. Or ever has. But he's very funny and that totally like stimulates me. Let me just share something with you, Marie. Please don't. I'm like sweating in here today. It's hot. You can't like that around me. Because you're turned on around funny guys. Let me just say something. This is the truth. I'm not turned on. A 25 year old unattractive, like we would call not very pretty woman is really hot because she's 25. You take that same and you make her 45. Unfortunately, the bar is higher. There's something about a youth. I disagree completely. If I find her unattractive at 25, I may find her more unattractive at 45. But the bar hasn't changed. No, but if you take a 45 year old woman who you're not attracted to 20 years ago, you may have found her good looking enough. You got a chubby 17 year old, a chubby 27 year old, a chubby 37 year old, a chubby 47 year old. All different. Vic goes to the 13 year old chubby. Even though, I mean, even though they're all chubby, the 17 year old hotter than the 47 year old. Let me tell you something. This goes beyond like the sexes. It is both male and females feel the same way. So we don't have to just classify this as the woman like being attractive at this age or that age. It's men and women. Absolutely. But we don't, as men, we don't care what you want. That's all. The only thing I'll say before we move on, I'll let you get your point in Vic, is Sal, here's the thing. Yes, each one is different. You know, you've got the 17, 26, 36, 46, whatever. But a no is a no. If, in other words, if I'm not going to have sex with someone that looks like that, it doesn't matter the age. It's still no. It's not like, well, I'll make an exception because that one's younger. Well, that's what I was saying. If this other woman that you said from OkCupid was not good looking enough for you to have sex with anyway, then yeah, there's no choice because you like hanging out with the other ones. But if you would have had sex with this other woman, then there shouldn't be a choice. Let those two girls have dinner by themselves. But then she wouldn't fall into the category of you're not good looking. How do you get stimulated as a man if you're not attracted to the person? I mean, like for us, we could do it because we don't have to like, you know, get an erection. If you couldn't do it, I would never get laid. You didn't have to get erections? No. I work here, a couple of quick points here. Oh man, I can't believe your parents messed that one up, Zach. Why didn't they tell you about that? Let me throw this in real quick. A couple of things. I work at an office that happens to be, there's a university in the building. I see a lot of young 21 year olds. Now I look at these women. That's big in Salon. I look at these women and I think to myself, even the ones who aren't, who are a little out of shape and attractive, whatever I go, I see the beauty just from the youth that if they were, everything was the same and they were, you know, older, I wouldn't see it. That's point one. Point two, when you talk about men and women are the same, I beg to differ in that women really enjoy a daddy figure and that means they love an older man and women are not like that. We actually age better with, more gracefully and we are more attractive to women as we get older unlike the converse. Should I start dying my hair gray? I am tired of your stupid statements, first of all. Second of all, that is not true. I like older men. My girlfriend does not. She likes younger men. Most women. You have no idea what the hell you're talking about. No, no, no. Vic is not wrong here. He is wrong. Gray haired fox. No, not, there are always exceptions but generally speaking, Marie, look at me. What? I'm looking at you. Just listen to him. Oh my God, you're so stupid. And look at him. I have always had women younger than me. A lot of women do like older guys. Why don't you take notes on me? I have to do with the original statement which is, it doesn't matter, they may like older guys but if they don't find them attractive, it doesn't matter what the age difference is unless he has money and then women are whores and it doesn't matter. But my concern is, my concern is with Zach. Zach, have you been with women that have gotten an erection? Is that what you said? That seems a little concerning to me. I just, I didn't get a health class in high school so I'm just, I'm working blind here. I don't, I'm just, I'm learning things. Listen guys, to be anatomically correct, women do get erections, the clit does become erect. That's true. Yes. And by the way, I show you guys my pinky. What fucking woman has a clit the size of my pinky? I got a new story ladies. If you look down between your legs and your clit is as big as Sal's pinky, you're a man. Okay. Our next question. All right, we got to do this one quick because we're running out of time. It says, last night I had sex with my girlfriend and she called out her dad's name when she came. What the hell? Women like older men. Craig Simpkins in Anchorage. I think that's hot. But is he sure that it's not? Wait, wait, is he sure that it's not her ex-boyfriend's name as well? I don't know. See? I dated a girl whose father's name was Vic and I loved when she, and I always hoped she was calling her father's name out. No, here's what happened. Did she scream out the first name or would she be like, oh, Mr. Johnson? No, no, no. Here's what actually happened. He's fucking her. She sees a bug on the ceiling and goes, daddy long legs. That's what happened. Oh my God. We can't end with that. What child calls her father by his name? That's true. That's odd. My God is the one that's fucking him. That's odd. I would say the advice here is keep it simple, Craig. Okay? You change your name to daddy. There we go. I mean, because then it won't be weird. Here's what I would say, Craig. Here's what I'd say, Craig. Wake up. Smell the coffee. Hello. Every woman, deep down, deep down. Now that finger is so annoying. Vic, Vic, less anger and more point because we're running out of time. I'm trying, I'm trying. You're not trying hard enough. Every woman wants her father. You want your father subconsciously. Oh my God. And welcome to the world. Okay, that's just how it is. Don't fight it, Craig. Embrace it. Hey, Drew. We're a name tag. Hello, my name is daddy. Take it. Own it. Okay, my advice would be to Vic, and it would be you shouldn't speak to people anymore. I'm just talking psychology. But isn't it in your culture, Hispanic men, they like to be called papi? Wait, wait, wait. Charles is Hispanic? That was not made clear in this episode. You couldn't tell by his responses? You guys are all freaking nuts. Jess. I think this is a good problem. Those are called quality problems, Craig. You guys are all out of your minds. All right, well, listen. We're going to start wrapping things up. I want to thank all my guests this week. You can stay tuned following Bad Advice. I am going to be co-hosting this show with Ken August. It's going to be the weekly wrap-up. Starts immediately after Bad Advice. Vic Cohen, Wednesday nights at 10. It's a fair question here on Skid Row Studios. VicCohen.com. VicCohen.com for all sorts of funny videos. Zachary Foster, you got something coming up? I'm telling jokes. I'm in the ballet room at the Comedy Store for The C Word on March 7th. And look up Mama Outta Bullets on Funnier Day. Nice. That was I'm Outta Bullets? Mama Outta Bullets. Mama Outta Bullets. All one word. Sal Rodriguez, host of Registered Ear Offenders every Friday, 1 p.m. Pacific time right here on skidrowstudios.com. Also on Extreme Talk XM 165. Cool. Marie Del Prete. I will be on March 23rd at Azul Restaurant in Palm Springs. And you can follow me at Marie Del Prete. All right. I am Drew Marks. I am your host of Bad Advice. You can hear us every week here on Skid Row and Channel 165 Extreme XM.