BDSM transformation and personal growth discussion

you're a fucking racist what i'm not hi hey welcome to the love bite that's a great way to start the show call all of our viewer our listener viewers our listeners racist i don't think they're all racist well i'm looking at you i'm calling you a racist yes yes i am hi mistress because i actually i'm a self-hating white person so you're right i suppose i am a racist hey who are you who i am insidious muse who are you i'm a service slut are you are you really don't do that to me don't do that to me i'm kidding am i i'm kidding well here we are hi welcome we're uh we uh we talk about stuff and so we should do that now are you sure you're feeling better i i am actually feeling much better i i uh i had a little bout of the joy that is called food poisoning earlier today it was fantastic i i recommend everybody try that drug yeah that's the way to go yeah so uh i'm not a hundred percent well but you were miraculously brought back to life by top ramen top ramen and um and uh vanilla coke that seems to be doing it and i'm in slippers and no bra so yay kind of rocks love that i'm jealous i'm a work clothes you're still in your work clothes yeah with the scratch marks all over your body if i wasn't wearing this little cardigan like half of my breasts like it's exposed it's bad well you're a whore so that is what that is that's not surprising so this morning when you leave because she spent the night last night this morning when she leaves you know she's got this this big very pretty sheerish blue navy blue cardigan over and it's buttoned up but of course it's popping out her boobs because she has impressive breasts and and she goes um the dress is it's kind of low cut and i was like of course it is you don't own anything that isn't low cut you even though that you're a lesbian you use your boobies for everybody like because you know you know men they're simple they see cleavage doesn't matter if it's attached to a cocking lesbian it's boobs and they're like oh what what do you want huh wait cock? No, wait, you don't. You do. Yes. I'm confused. They get very confused. Because there's boobies. It's really funny actually. They don't know what to do. They don't know. They're just shocked. They don't know what to do because you're a lesbian with boobs, which is awesome because most lesbians that I know have a female genitalia. It turns out. How about that? It turns out. But yet that confuses men. So there's that. This is not going to be an hour of stand-up, just so everybody knows because I couldn't do that. No. Let's leave that to the professional. Right? Listen to bad advice for that one. They're funny. They're funny guys. They're fucking hilarious. And they are all professionals. They are all professionals. So yeah, whereas we are not. Nobody will pay us for this shit. You know what's funny is that I don't think people realize that just this right now is what it's like. When I'm spending the night at your place and we're like laying in bed and this is exactly what happened. Actually, it's so much funnier. It is. It really is. You have no idea the laughing and the tears and the snorting because I sometimes snort when I laugh so hard. It's funny. I was going to fart on you last night. You're such a bitch. Is it because I was snoring? I was snoring and so you were going to fart on me. That wouldn't have worked out for you. You should have just like nudged me. And then farted on you? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just nudge because then the farting would be like, what the fuck? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But I wouldn't do that in the middle of the night because I'd be like, that's about how I am in the middle of the night. I didn't want to disturb you. You were scared. You said that this morning. I was. I was scared. I thought, okay. And I kept telling myself, she'll turn over. She'll turn over. She'll turn over in a few minutes. Oh, hey, look at the cat. Oh, yeah. Look, I'm tired. Why don't you flip over? Oh, she's getting quiet. She's getting quiet. Oh, no, there it is. There it is again. There it is again. I don't snore that often. So that's a weird thing, but it happens. No, actually, you do snore. You know what? Let's just keep that between us now, shall we? I'm sorry. There goes my delicate image. No, it's so cute. It's so dainty. It's dainty snoring. It is. It really is. How did dainty snoring keep you up exactly? Because it was right in my ear. See, but then I was close to you. What are you complaining about? Oh, my God. You don't even know I cuddle raped you last night. Oh, my God. I knew I felt dirty this morning. Because I was awake and I was like, whoop, and here I go. And I want to cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. I can tolerate that kind of raping. The other guy, not so much. No. Anyway, we're not here to just talk about it. We're not here to talk about it. We're not here to talk about it. We're not here to talk about sleeping patterns. That's not, that's not. We're not here to talk about circadian rhythms. That's not what this show is about. That's not what we do. We are actually, we had actually had a topic. Like, hey, let's talk about something. And the topic is how BDSM has changed us. And I came up with it when the other day I was interacting with Vanillas. I know. I know. And I realized that I, at one point in my life, I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this. And at one point in my life, I would touch anybody and give anybody a hug, regardless of their opinion on the matter. It didn't matter. Because if I was going to hug somebody, it was going to happen, just the way that goes. And I realized that when I'm dealing with these Vanillas, there was a Vanilla couple, a man and wife. And I went to go hug the wife. And I looked at the husband and I said, may I? And he was like, of course. And I was thinking, wow, that's weird for you Vanilla people. But that's like, so normal for us that you wouldn't, I wouldn't now even consider touching somebody that I didn't have permission to touch. That would be so offensive, so disrespectful in the BDSM world. And that's just completely altered a significant behavior that I've had my whole life. So that's why I sparked this discussion and we have so much more to share. Well, and I think that, you know, a topic like that, because it makes me think about, you know, the lack of shock value. There's no more shock value. You know, I mean, people see the scratches all over the place on me and it's like, oh, that's Friday night. Whatever. Whatever. I mean, we walked in on some guys taping a show. I don't even know who they were. They were talking about how, yeah, I'm a They were punching her asshole. And we're like, oh, so cute. You're punching her asshole. And that's like, oh, wow, risque. You know, it's just one of those things where like, there's nothing, nothing has, it's like we've added too much salt and now we can't taste anything, which is not true, but we just have to add some spice. So, yeah. Yeah. It's just different. I mean, I, I remember when we talked about having a pegging party. And how we were going to have, you know, line up the asses and pegged all of the boys. And that was such an exciting concept because it was just, I mean, I mean, even now I think about it and I think that I would never have thought about something like that five years ago. Oh God, no. No, like that, that would not have even crossed my mind as being possible. That five guys pegged you? would line up for something like that, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and now it's like, you know, our imagination is the limit, you know? Well, and your imagination and your creativity, especially in this, in life in general, it's a muscle. It grows as you use it. And the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. And if you surround yourself around other people that use that muscle, then you, your muscle gets stronger as well. And so as you develop into more and more into BDSM and deeper and deeper and trying new and different and unique things, it, it, the possibilities increase exponentially. It's not like there's a point when you're like, well, I'm going to tap out at some point. I'm going to run out of ideas. I'm so bored with kink. It doesn't, I mean, you know what? You're right. If you do the same thing, everybody does. If you, you always pull out the floggers or the, the single tail or whatever, and it's the same scene every single time. Yeah, you're right. It's going to get boring really fast. But if you use the, the gift that we, as you know, the, as the apex predators, our brain, if we use that, then there is no, there's no end. Right. You know, for example, I mean, I have to use my brain with you because you're not into pain, you know, with, with a pain sled, it's easy there. It's just, you know, you know, okay, that works. I can punch her. I can beat her. I can slap her. I can hit her with this. And there are marks and everybody's happy and Hey, I'm done. I don't have to, I don't have to think a lot. It's really easy. I just, you know, lay out my tools and pick something and hit somebody with it. Easy peasy, one, two, three, easy. But with you, because you're not into that impact, I have to be like, okay, what am I going to do? What's, what's this scene going to look like? And so I come up with the shit that I did last week where it's like, all right, well, this is going to work. We're going to make this happen. Mm-hmm. Wham, bam. Thank you, ma'am. Which do you prefer? It depends. I, um, love- What a diplomatic response. No, no, no, no. I love stretching my mind. There is nothing better in this world to me than, um, exploring my creativity, exploring the sick darknesses that I have. Mm-hmm. And, and seeing if they can come to fruition. That is, that's exciting. That's fulfilling. But sometimes I don't want to think. And so if I'm just topping somebody and I'm essentially service topping them and it's, they're just a pain slut, I don't have to think a lot. It's really easy. I can kind of zen out. Mm-hmm. Whereas, which is a, which is a very different experience. Mm-hmm. Whereas when I'm, when I'm topping where I have to be creative and I have to do whatever, I get very, very top spacey because that's the essence to me of where my top space comes from is like all of my synapses firing at the same time and they're all kind of feeding into each other and it's like this orgy in my brain. Mm-hmm. That is top space. So I, it just, it really depends on like what kind of a day I've had. Mm-hmm. If it's been one of, you know, it just depends. Some, some days at the end of a shitty day I want to think. Some days at the end of a shitty day I want to veg. You know, it just depends. I get that. I get that. So there's that. What was your first time at a dungeon like? Many, many moons ago. And I mean, I guess it's not that many moons ago. It's only a few years ago. I went to the lair. Uh-huh. And it was a femdom night. And I, I, when I, when I entered the community because before I fully entered the community, I had had some less than... More than exciting experiences with components of the community before I had actually, when I stuck my toe in. And it was because I was dealing with that male dom energy. And I felt as though, and I was still not, I did not feel strong in my own dominance. And it's like they smell blood in the water. And it was almost as if they were like, oh, just, you know, well, maybe you're a switch. Yeah. There's a lot of that. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't think I am, but because I lacked such, you know, fortitude in my opinion that it was one of those, you know, it was just, it was a very negative experience. So then I sought out specifically femdom groups where I was like, look, I'm going to look for sisters because they'll know, they'll understand, they'll help me. They're not going to, you know, put me into a box that conveniences them or it might, but it might convenience me as well. So, so when I went to a dungeon for the first time, it was a, it was Christmas party. And I didn't go to the demo beforehand, but I went to the party and I just remember there was a mistress Mary and she was decorating a sub with needles and, and, and, and she had put angel wings on her back and, and snowmen on her front. And it was like, what? Like, wow, those are needles. Yeah. Oh my God. And then there was this, this older gentleman that was on a St. Andrew's cross and this woman that, and he had clothes pins all over his balls and she was whipping them off and the sounds, ow, ow, and then yell, yell, yell, yell, yell, yell, yell, yell. And I was just like, it was, and there was this, it was a huge night. There were so many people there. And there was this cacophony of screaming. Yeah. And screams and spanks and sounds. And then, and then this person next to me who was, you know, just like having her, her feet rubbed. And then it was just, there was so much, it was this, this overwhelming stimulation for me, mental stimulation. And because there was such diversity in play, I was like, wow, like look at this. And that was really just the tip of the iceberg, obviously thinking about that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then they, they approached me and they were like, you know, mistress, you know, may I serve you to all this kind of stuff? And I'm like, oh, what? I don't know what's going on. And you know, there's one guy, he's like, I just, I would love to rub your feet. And I was like, okay, sure. You can rub my feet. And, and he did. And it was, it was, I don't, whatever. It was whatever, you know, but it was one of those, and that was my first, my first dungeon experience, you know? Wow. What about you? My first time was also at the Lair. You can only go up. Well, and I didn't go to a party my first time that I was there. I went to one of their insights that they have on the weekends. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The educational. Yeah. And I went with another friend who was also a newbie and it was our very first time. She's been on the show. Yes. Iron Kitty. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so we were like two like scared school girls walking in there like, oh my God, what is this? And, and we walked in like right at the tail end of like kind of a BDSM 101 kind of thing that they do, I guess, before each insight. And I already forgot what the insight was that we had gone to go see. But, but I remember feeling like, okay, this place isn't that scary. You know, lights were on, you know, people were like, oh, this is a scary place. Yeah. And I remember the lights were on, you know, people were sitting in chairs. Nobody was naked. Nobody was getting hurt. There were no penises. There was no penises. And I was there with someone I knew. And, and after that, we kept, you know, we kept on being invited, you know, to go to a party and I was very hesitant. I was just kind of like, I don't know. I really don't know. And, and then it was that femdom night. That was my very first time going. And, and I would, and I went for a few times, you know, not playing, just watching, getting my feet rubbed. I don't care what anybody says about that. Getting my feet rubbed was nice. It is nice. It is nice. And for you, as long as it's not by, by the people with the penises out. Yeah. Yeah. Don't go above the knee. Don't go above the knee. But yeah. And, and, and, and even the first time that we played, that was a big fucking deal for me. I remember that. I remember that. It was First time playing in public. Yeah. It was. And now, you know, you, you want, you want to play in the main room. Yeah. You know, you really do. Yeah. You know, I think back now and I'm like, well, what was I so scared of? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been nervous. That's awesome. You're in the douchey category. So you have fun with that. But I, questioning myself is a part of my DNA and I don't have a problem with it because I think that it makes me and those people that do it better. So that's just my opinion. But I was really nervous. I was like, you know, I'm not going to look like these people. I don't have their skills. I'm not going to be like Florentine and my floggers and be like, woohoo, look at me and taking my single tail and like, let me snap this. No, none of that was going to happen. It was, I was just very nervous. And again, like a muscle, every time you do it, it becomes easier and easier and easier and easier. And it's never even a question. I never, I'm never nervous when I get to play. It's just, hey, it is what it is. And guess what? Things are going to happen. The plastic wrap is not going to always behave. You know what? You're going to miss your target a couple times. It happens. Yeah. No one's going to die. No. You know, that's, and that, having that attitude makes a huge difference. And that's changed me a lot. I so rarely approach things from a standpoint of fear. Whereas I would say that there was a period of my life when I would have, would have looked at him and scared, scared to play in the dungeon, scared to do this, scared to do that. And now it's like, you know what? What's the worst thing that's going to happen? I mean, in some of this stuff, if as long as you, the worst thing that's going to happen is somebody's going to die if you're not educated. But if you go out of your way to, I'm a high knock. You can talk. It's like I'm stone, man. My mouth's all dry. I've only got soda. Whatever. If you go out of your way to educate yourself and particularly in edge play, then slowly, you know, getting deeper and deeper into the waters benefits everybody. Again, as long as you're, you know, doing that as safely as possible. I mean, some of the things it's, you know, inherently breath play is unsafe. It's the nature of it, but as safely as possible, that kind of thing. And it's, it's, yeah. So that has changed me significantly. Just my outlook on it, which has resulted in my, my opinion of my skills, which therefore results in my opinion of my dominance. You know, it's, it's a wonderful domino effect that ends up just growing and making things better. So I, that's how BDSM is, as another way it's impacted me. That's beautiful. Well, I am beautiful. Kidding. Sorry. It's like last night with your, because I'm awesome. I don't know. I don't know what it was in response to, but it was fucking hilarious. Delivery was everything. Yeah, baby. Well, one thing that has, one of the most significant things that has changed for me is how aware I have to be of myself. I've, I never, I've always made an effort to reflect on whatever the fuck is going on, but, you know, I'm in a situation now where I have to be 100% honest with myself and with you. Which is hard. Oh, yeah. And, and have a level of accountability to you as well. And that's not something that I was ever used to. Well, I did have the need to submit. I never, I didn't, I never, because I didn't have, you know, that, you know, firsthand experience, you know, I had no idea what it actually entailed, what was, you know, required of me. The difference between fantasy versus reality. Yeah. Huge. Very, very big. And, and even to this day, I mean, that's still something where every once in a while that, that part of me, that, that, that, that, that, hmm, what's, the word I want to use. It's like, you know what I'm going to say or what I'm trying to say. I usually do. Just waiting. No, you say it. Sometimes you want to fall back on old habits. Yes. Yes. And that, that, that nugget entails a lot of things. I mean, there's the, the previous passive aggressiveness. There's the, um, accepted and just shove everything in. Just shove everything else down that's yelling at you to say something. You know, all of these things that, that are, that are part of your patterns of behavior before. Which, uh, you know, doesn't fly with me. So, and I understand that. It's, it's, it's, you're looking at something that you built up over, you know, 27 years. And now only over the past couple have you been re, really changing it. Mm-hmm. So that, I understand that. I get it. I see when it's happening. I understand. It's a part of, you know, human nature. We ebb and flow just like the world does. So there's that. I make more of an effort now than I did before, um, to make sure I'm asking myself the right questions. And I think, um, you get really complacent with just life and you just, you're going to cruise through it. Um, but I, you know, in, in, this lifestyle, this community, that's not, I didn't really jive with a whole lot of people. No. You know? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not in a negative way. There's a very, what have you done for me lately? And I, again, not in a negative way. It's almost as if you're asking yourself, what have you done for me lately? Where there is, yeah, if you sat and you watched a scene with somebody and then two years later, you watch the same couple do almost the exact, same scene and there was no change, you'd be like, well, yeah, it was a beautiful scene, but I've seen them do it before. You know, what, what, what's happened? I mean, I mean, I guess cool. They can totally have their own thing, but I'd be bored two years later doing the same thing. You know what I'm saying? And that's, and I think because it's a muscle, this self-awareness, this growth, this inner, whatever, you want more and more. You get greedy. You know, and this is, and this is one of, one of those things where, and, and, and, and no other community, no other group of people have I seen, excuse me, such positive feedback to personal growth. You know, like someone, you know, goes through a transformation, they learn something, they're going to teach something, you know, something where they're really blooming and, and kinksters from what I've seen are, are so quick to be like, yeah, good for you. That's awesome. They support each other, you know, not to say that there aren't people out there that are, you know. Yeah, there's, I mean, there's people like, what the fuck does she think she is? And I mean, that's there, but yeah, you're right. It tends to, again, we're, I've say this all the time. We're a community of misfits and we should support each other. You know, we are the island of misfit toys. So, you know, let's be nice to the jack in the box who doesn't jack out of his box. So that happened. So there's that visual for y'all. I think aside from, you know, just like emotional awareness, things like that. I've never had to be so aware of my body. Like I've never had to, you know, I've never had to really like critically think about, oh shit, did I like that or did I not like that? You know? Um, just, I don't know if, I mean, there could be multiple reasons for that, but you know, I, because it's a part of being honest with you, my D type, I have to do that. And that's something that, what did not happen overnight, you know, and I've, I've never explored my body the way that I have in the past few years. Perfect. Dude, I, I, if I masturbated, it was like, whoa, whoa, that's, that's new. What? Yeah. I didn't, I didn't masturbate frequently at all. Well, I knew that, but was it a guilt thing? Is it a Catholic thing? No, it was just kind of like a, I'm really nervous to admit it. Um, it was just kind of like a, it was an unknown thing. It was kind of like a, I don't know, it was almost kind of scared. It was really. Of what? What, of people finding out or of your own body or your own reactions? My own body and my own reaction. And so it was never something that, you know, that's why sometimes, you know, when I see you tweet or texting or whatever the fuck about, how orgasm this and orgasm that and orgasms all the time. Yes. Kind of like, yes. Wow. Like, because I can't relate to that. Even, not even halfway, you know? Um, so, uh, I used to be terrified that people would find out that I masturbated. I even remember, um, I was like 17 or, I used to masturbate like every day. Like, it's still the same. I mean, not much has changed. I love to orgasm. It is, it is a fantastic experience that should be happening daily for me. Not for everybody, but for me. I'm a better person when I have the sex and the orgasm. I really am. Um, and I remember, I don't know why I just, I don't know why I knew that it was bad to do. It was just bad. Good girls didn't do that. It was very much not in the good girl category. I had a lot of good girl issues as a kid. Uh, and so my mom made me go to therapy at 17 because, you know, I was 17 and I wasn't a very nice 17 year old and she and I used to fight a lot. I used to call her names. It's awesome. Wow. Oh man, you have no idea. Um, and so I had to go to therapy and I remember being terrified that the therapist would find out that I masturbated. Like that was it. Like I was going to tell him anything, but he's not going to find that out. Nope. Not going to do that. By the way, don't ever send me to a male therapist. Ever. It's just a huge mistake. Cat with a fucking toy. Um, so yeah, I, that I, that was a, that was a thing. And then, I mean, it's not necessarily the community that the BDSM that has made me be like, fuck yeah, I masturbated. Yeah, my hands in, in my crotch right now. It's all good. Nah, nah, nah. You know, let me tweet a picture of this massive dildo I just got that I'm going to use on me. You know, that's part of, that's part of growing up and being like, fuck you all. That's, everybody masturbates and you're all liars if you don't. That kind of thing. So, or you should because you're all going to go crazy. And then that's a special circle in hell. The non, non-masturbators. Wow. Wow. Um, yeah. But I mean, so that was, I mean, that was a very, that's what my sexuality was like. And now it's like, no, no, no, no. I can't, I kind of do want to have it. Okay. It feels, it feels different. Whereas before when I would come close to orgasming, I would stop. What? Yeah. Oh, I would stop. That's the worst. I would stop. Oh, I, I just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And now, it's like, it's like you're a blasphemer. I know. And now it's different. Now, not only do I, I want it, but like, it's like, you know, that wave is starting to come and I'm like, yes, okay, we're almost there and almost there. And I'm like, and the dip. It's like you're watching the sunrise. And you're waiting and it's almost there. It's almost there. And then all of a sudden the sun comes out and it's all the rays and the sun boils and the blah, blah. All of that. But I mean that, you're right. BDSM has not that. But I'm saying that being out and about, being a lot more vulnerable to you and just, honestly, to start with, being fucking naked in public. Yeah. I mean, it made me get more in touch with myself sexually. But also being surrounded by such an insanely sexually charged environment. That is a component of it as well. There's a lot of things that go into that. A lot of things that go into it, which is kind of cool. For me, one of the biggest, biggest areas where BDSM has changed me is it's provided myself personally a lot of healing for my past abuse experiences. You know, there's no, no end point to healing from certain kinds of things. There's just really isn't. It'd be great, but there isn't. I say this, there are certain things that alter your DNA and abuse is one of them. And I went through it for almost 14 years. So that's a long time. Yeah. To deal with the same kind of abuse. But accepting that I am this person and that whatever that is, it's not bad. It's not wrong. I'm not grotesquely weird because I am contrary. I'm not afraid to what society expects a woman to be. It's embraced. It's validated by people within the community. And for me, that's incredibly healing. And when I have to, I mean, I constantly have to deal with the fact that I'm female dominant, which is hard. Because there's a lot of male dominance that believe that it's, that's just temporary. You just haven't found the right dom. They believe, some of them, whether they say it or not, their behavior is that they believe that women are all truly submissive. That's, that's their nature in life, which is not true. That's what society tells us. And that's what men would like to be true. But it's just not. We have a caller. It's not for us. It's because we're not. We're live. Oh, we're always live. Oh. Oh, well, OK, then. This scares me. This scares me too. All right. Are we going to be Rickrolled by Matt Time Radio? All right. What you got? Hello. Hello. Thanks for calling the Love Byte. Yeah, I'm looking for Vince. Vince is not here. Sorry. Am I talking to you live? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, guy. Hey, we got to get going. Thanks, brother. I told you it's not for us. I knew it. Nobody listens to me. Why doesn't anybody listen to me? So for, for me, it's, it's been a great platform, a great place to find similar people and even people that have gone through. And really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really which is nice. You're the strongest woman I know. I'm telling you, it just does not feel that way, but thank you. Related to that, I think one of the most awesome things that I'm so grateful for that I've gained is an awesome group of friends. You know, and it's, I mean, yeah, there's this commonality that we're all kinky, but we're very different from each other. Oh, yeah. You know? And very similar. Yes. It's nice. Yeah, and it's kind of like this, had it not been for being kinky, we might not have ever met these people. Yeah. And, you know, some of these people have turned into some of our closest friends. Absolutely. You know? They're the first person that we text or call when something, something exciting or something horrible happens. I very rarely hang out with Vanillas. It's very rare. Yeah. It's almost always kinksters now, which is, I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't think so either. I've run out of things to talk to Vanillas about. I just have. I feel like my Vanilla friends get really tired of hearing about you because they talk about you all the time. I guarantee you they are tired of hearing about me. I can tell you that right now. Moratorium. Yeah. But, you know, I mean, and it makes it so that, you know, you have somebody to lean on. Mm-hmm. You know, it's not any different from, you know, anybody else having friends, but the fact that there's this commonality almost kind of makes you feel more like this sense of camaraderie. Yeah. I mean, it's not unique to the subculture. It's a component of a subculture that automatically, you know, creates this, um, connection, which is wonderful. Mm-hmm. You know? We have so much fun. We do. Even, Even we're not doing kinky shit. We're not doing kinky shit. We have a lot of fun with a lot of amazing people. And not just fun, just sometimes, just really great, deep conversations. Mm-hmm. Um, those moments of connection that, you know, that all friendships have. But, I think, for me, one of the reasons why I don't interact with so many Vanillas and with really none of my former Vanilla friends that I would have considered best friends at some point, um, there are things they're never gonna understand. They're never, there is always, there's always something that I will have to hide from them or shield them from. Whether I'm hiding it because I want to protect myself or I'm hiding it because I want to protect them. It's irrelevant. The point is, and so often, whatever we're dealing with, kink is a part of it. You know, our relationship, the relationship between you and I is a significant component to our lives. And when things go fucking shit, which they do, everybody out there, you have such a great relationship. You know, fuck, fuck, it goes shitty all the time. Hey. And then we correct the course. It's a relationship. It's the way it goes. But the truth of the matter is, I can't call my old best friend from college and be like, hey, so I have this submissive and bitch don't listen. Because the first response is, well, does she know she's being abused? Yes. She wants me to abuse her. Can we move on now to why the bitch won't listen? I love you. I love you too. And I obviously am not meaning this with any malice. I know, but it feels that way. I'm laughing and I'm not even giving you that like dark look in my eyes. I'm actually laughing. Yeah. You know the look. Stop it. Stop. All right. How is it? How is it? How has kinked changed you as a lover? I, I, I, back in the day, I just, you know, whatever they, let them do their show, whatever that is, whatever their fancy skills are, and I'd be like, okay, I will just be the recipient of your fancy skills. And even if I didn't like their fucking fancy skills, I was like, whatever. Well, 10 minutes of that was good. So the rest was kind of like, what the fuck are they doing? Now it's like, no, no. I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but you need to stop that. That's not going to work for me. You, you want it to work for me? Then this is what you're going to do. This is how it's all going to work out. That's kind of how it's changed me. Wow. You're mean. Just, and then I don't lie. No, I used to be like, God, you, I am the, well, not just I am the best. I, most women I know are like the best orgasm fakers. I've got a fucking down. I've got it down for the body, the spasms. I've got it fucking down. You've not seen a fake orgasm like mine. It's fucking awesome. And fuck that. Nope. And then they asked me after don't, don't ask me if you don't want the truth. Don't ask me. How was it? Well, you know, maybe next time we'll be better. I'll tell you what I like better next time. Cause I always let them try the first time. Let's do, do your little dance. Let's see what you got. Cause they all talk about how, what great lovers they are. Oh yeah, baby. I'm so good at this. Cause now I'm, you know, I'm looking for a fuck buddy and I'm going for the vanilla people. Cause whatever. I don't care. I don't want to get connected with them. And I certainly don't want to see them in a dungeon. And, and so, you know, Oh yeah. Oh, I love to do this and I want to lick some pussy and all this. And it's like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. But are you any good? Oh yeah. Everybody says that. I understand that. Everybody says, I get that. They're lying. Most likely. Are you any good? All right. I'll give it a try. You get a shot. And then if you ain't got nothing, it's like, they don't seem trainable. It's like, do I really want to invest the time? Wow. Do I? It's exhausting. So that's how it changed me. Apparently I'm very intimidating. Now nobody want to have sex with me. Yeah. I certainly don't. I certainly do not. Ouch. What? Cause I'll always wonder, is she faking it? And I don't think anymore. I don't think anymore. Yeah. Well now I don't want to take that chance. I don't want to take that chance. Would you like me to fake one for you? I can. Fuck you. Oh, just, just so you know. No. Ew. Stop it. I love how the concept of a fake orgasm is ew. That's awesome. How about you? I don't know. That's right. You need to, you need to like, you need to step up to the dating window. I really don't know. Um, I used to be more of a top. In the sack. And. Because you have the fists. Oh yeah. But, I don't think that that's still the same. I don't, I think that, I topped because I had to. Like there was just, that's just what it was. But I don't necessarily feel comfortable with that. You know what I mean? Huh. Interesting. Like that's not my preference. It's really not my preference. Um, but if I have to, to get the job done and to taste some vagina, then I guess I'll do it. All right. So I don't know. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Well, I look forward to that. That will be interesting. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else that you think that is, uh, changed you? Because. Body acceptance. Yes. Look. Yes. That has, that has changed a lot. I love the dungeon. I love the variety of the naked bodies in the dungeon. Yes. There are the cute, adorable girls that are being strung up in the rope and flying around where you're like, wow, she's just a little thing, isn't she? That's so cute. But then there's the men with the large penis. And the small penises. And then there's, you know, and the, the gut. And then there's the women that, you know, they're 40 or 50 and gravity has taken over. And they have a few extra pounds. And you know what? It's still beautiful. And they're still having a wonderful scene. And they still are experiencing this deep connection. And they're, you know what? They're doing it. They're like, fuck it. I'm going to drop trow and be here and do what I do. Yep. And it's, I love it. Yeah. I haven't seen, I haven't, I've never experienced that before where people are just that comfortable with being in their skin. I was raised a nudist. So I've seen a lot of that. I hadn't though. And it was very refreshing for me. And it, it made me think twice about how I had been feeling about myself, you know, and now I really just don't give a fuck. Whatever. I like that. I just don't care. I don't care. It's just, if I'm naked, I can't hide it. I can't hide my gut. It's there. You're going to see it. Yeah. The most that you hide is if you haven't waxed and you have a bush and then you wear your panties. That's the most you do. Just saying, keep it real. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. I see that. That's what you're doing. What? You don't want to talk about your bush? I don't want to talk about my bush. I'm going to bush whack that. Whack, whack, whack. Whack, whack, whack. The look on your face. Why? You can talk about my snoring, but I can't talk about your hairy pussy. What, what, bitch? You're sensitive, aren't you? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. People in your people-ness. People in your people-ness? People in your people-ness. Yes. So, fuck. I don't know. I'm sure, I'm sure it'll come to us that there's a bajillion other things. I'm, I'm, I'm more prepared now than I, than I used to be. I have, I also have more, more faith in my abilities. I am, I'm better, I'm better with a knife than I used to be. I'm so happy about that. I'm better. Although not much. I'm better with a rope than I ever used to be. You know, because, you know, even as a kid. I, I shibari'd my Christmas tree this year. And by shibari, I wrapped the rope around so nobody could see it. Because it, I was missing, anyway, it had to stand up and the cat kept jumping in it. So I had to stand up. So I had to tie the tree. I did tree bondage. It was exciting. I was jealous. I don't know. Also kind of my knowledge of the things that, you know, safety, first aid, you know, all of those things. You know, all of those things. All of those things. All of those things. All of those things. All of those things. All of those things are so much better than they used to be. And they were good. You know, I've been CPR certified for a long time, which obviously through recertification I've done the first aid and blah, blah, all that kind of stuff. But there's, it's just, there's a different thing when you're dealing with a dungeon. Yeah. It's just a little bit different. You know, and of course, the, the knowledge of, you know, the various ways that somebody could be killed. That's, that's useful for writing a book. So, there's that. Yeah. Yeah. You know what my favorite part is? What? Of now compared to then? What? You. Me? Yeah. Why? Because I love you. I love you too. And you've made such a huge difference in my life. And I'm so glad that, um, I've had, I've had most of my positive experiences, my positive kinky experiences with you. And, and I'm, I couldn't be happier. That's so smushy. I like that. Snarf. Even if you didn't talk about my bush. Whatever. Sensitive. I'm not shaved right now, although I don't have quite what you're going on, but I'm not shaved. Oh my God. It's like you took something that you couldn't have made worse and you made it worse. Hey, you know what? There are some women out there that would love to be able to grow a rich, lush bush like you have. It's true. You just keep making it worse. I am. Just like, yeah. I'm a bad person. Hey, so. We, um, we're posting a lot of our old shows. Like I'm kind of starting and I'm not starting from the very beginning. I'm starting from when I started. Yeah. Which is the sixth episode because before it was, it was, you know, it was, you know, BM, Before Mistress, where it was just not the same show, which is a different show. Um, and, uh, if you're new to the show, check some of the older shows out. Some of them were like really good. Yeah. Some of them were like, wow. Some of them make me want to revisit that topic just so we can talk about it again. I agree. I agree. I mean, I love that I'm going back and looking at it and be like, oh, we did talk about that. Wow. Oh my God. I remember that. I really enjoyed that episode. That was fun. Yeah. So, you know, if, uh, you know, if you're again new to it, I know it's a daunting task, but, you know, just go back and look at some of the topics and think that might be a little bit interesting. What was your favorite? What, what, what, um, older episode, um, is your favorite? I don't know, but the one about service caught my eye the, the other day. I love that one so much. And, and, and the reason it did is, uh, to me, that impacted our relationship like in a, in a positive way. Um, we had, we had done a munch and, and discussed it. Then we decided we'd do it for the show too. And I think that was before you were in formal service to me. Mm-hmm. So, I think that that was one of those ones that solidified our relationship. Yeah. So for me, I don't, I don't even remember specifically how the episode went, but it has that kind of special moment to me in my mind. That makes me go swoon. Yeah. So, I mean, is there one that, that's, sticks out for you other than the one where you fisted somebody? Um, the very first show that you did with us. Uh, Impact Play. Mm-hmm. It was interesting. I remember how excited I was because you were there and you were all pretty and I was all like, back in the old studio. And I was like, in my, in my panties. And, ah. We could smoke then in that studio. Just walk up across the table and bury my face in your tits. Wow. I did not know that. Yeah. Well, there you have it. I still, I still want to do that, FYI. Well, I'm not wearing a bra, so. So, that means it would probably be pretty easy. It would be pretty easy. In fact, because of gravity, I could probably slap you with my tits. So, now there's that visual. You took something that was really turning me on and just fucking blew it to bits. Wait, getting slapped with my tits doesn't turn you on? What the fuck is wrong with you? You like getting slapped. You like my tits. Why wouldn't you want to get slapped by my tits? You're fucking ridiculous. Damn, aren't I? I'm sorry. Should we go back to being romantic now? Did I, did I miss the moment? I'm bad at that. I'll remember that. I'll remember that. Will you? Yeah. Will you? Yeah, I appreciate that. Just, you know, saying, sappy McSapperton. So, remember that cake pan I bought? The loved one? Yeah. I'm going to bring a cake to Eric. You're going to take a cake? I'm going to bring a cake. I'm going to bring a cake. I'm going to bring a cake. I'm going to bring a cake. I'm going to bring a cake. I'm going to bring a cake to him when I see him soon. Look at you. Now you're hiding behind the mic. I am, and I'm blushing. Yeah, you are. How exactly do you plan to transport a cake? In a suitcase, for fuck's sake. In a carry-on? What the fuck is wrong with you? Jeez. I hope it survives the flight. Cockblock. What? Cockblock. Anyway. Anyway. Follow us on Twitter. I am at Insidious Muse, and statistically, all of you are smart enough to be able to figure that out. She is at Service Slut. Again, not difficult to figure out. We also have at the underscore love underscore bite, which is show specific, and we're trying to, like I said, tweet other shows. We also have a Facebook page, but I know a lot of people are like, I don't want to do the Facebook page. Whatever, but I'll let you know. It's nice and convenient when you scroll in your timeline, and you're like, oh, hey, they posted something on Facebook. Mm-hmm. We're on iTunes, and please review us. Yeah, we love reviews. I mean, I personally, I mean, I like nice reviews, but, you know, I mean, if you want to be scathing, then do it, whatever. We're dealing with it. Yeah, we'll handle it. Yeah, and we have some awesome episodes coming up, so. Exciting. Yeah, so thanks. All right, good night. Bye. It's afternoon. Bye. Bye.