Sports, pop culture, comedy, and news discussion

Right? To see your show, but after hearing all this... What was the name of that last show that was just on? No. That was the More Music Radio Pod. More Music Radio Pod. I might have to tune in and hear some more of that, because that sounded crazy. Yeah, it's a really fun show. So, GTA fans, also go out and check out the More Music Radio Show. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Will you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios. At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio with Jake Belcher and Grant Thoman. You are right on time for another Grand Theft Audio Radio. This is Jake Belcher. And I'm Grant Thoman. And welcome to another episode of Grand Theft Audio Radio here on Skid Row Studios. Coming from where? Lovely downtown Los Angeles. Is it lovely today? It is today. I don't know. I feel a little... I feel a little sadness in the air. I'm sorry to hear that. I think that yesterday's Laker game kind of knocked the steam out of some of the people you usually see that are just so, like, boisterous and loud. Yeah. Not to be racist, but it seemed like there was a lot of sad black guys out there this morning. I think they probably like basketball more than most people do. I don't know. I don't know either, but you're right. Definitely a little wind has been taken out of the playoff picture here in wonderful Los Angeles. Both of our basketball teams have been eliminated. They did. Crazily. I don't know what's going on with me, man. Like, I didn't watch a single game this entire postseason for the Lakers. That is kind of surprising for you. You're usually all about making sure you get a chance to check those games out. I know. Just this time, like, I don't know what got in the way, but every time there's something else going on, like, either we had our own show or we had a party or we had something else going on always that was just always up against it. We're always just kind of catching scores as we walked by big TVs in different places. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to be busy and have things to do and not have that be what your life is wrapped around. Because I got to say, I had some pathetic years where, like, too much of my happiness and my identity came from, like, these sports teams winning things that I didn't do anything for. Right. So maybe I have a healthier perspective on it now. Yeah. You'll get a little unhealthy around the fall season when college football gets started. That's when, yeah. That's when I lose my shit. That's when you fall into your cave on Saturdays to watch the college ball. You love what you love, right? Oh, absolutely. And I don't deny, I don't, I don't, I don't fault you for it at all. I think it's awesome because usually several games will have barbecues accompanying it. Accompanying it. So. That's true. Possible free barbecue meal. Yeah. And, you know, nothing's wrong with that. Not at all. And we do it pretty good. Oh, you're, you and your wife put out a nice spread whenever you guys have the SC parties. Yeah. We like to make sure that people, A, who don't want to watch the games at least have a good time. Right. And B, if they did have a good time, they didn't want to come back. Right. And then hopefully the next time they come back, they may want to watch the game. Yeah. Though, um, I never really tried to like convert anybody into that. You go to some people's houses, like I got this friend, uh, Chris, he's a total fucking idiot. And I know he's never going to listen to this. He's, um, always invites me over to watch the, um, the Patriots games. He loves the Patriots. And I've taken him up on the offer a couple of times. And when you go there, he just harasses you like, um, don't you love the Patriots? Don't you love this guy? Don't you? Aren't these the guys you should be rooting for? And I don't even have a pro team that I root for in football. So no, I am not a front running. Um, I was going to use the F word, but then I decided not to because that is all that seems to me is the people who are into that, that team, the Cowboys, the Yankees, the Steelers. If you're not from those towns or like even actively living in those places and you're rooting for them, you're a poser and an idiot. And I hate you. Well, there you go. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. That's as simple as it is for me. Yep. They just, um, want to like the people who, who win. And to me that, that pisses me off. Don't like it. No, not at all. Okay. So what do we like to start the show with? Well, our holidays, of course. Holiday. Yesterday was national waitstaff day. I told all my co-waitstaffers. Did you? Yeah. Cool. How'd that go over? Uh, they're like, is it really? I said, that's what it says online. And today was, uh, yesterday was national waitstaff month or a day and, uh, didn't, I mean, I'm not going to bring that up in conversation with the guests. That's just not, I don't think that's a, maybe certain guests because they're regulars and they're friends and I converse with them regularly, but, but, uh, really, uh, really fun. I, everyone thought it was kind of funny. Is there something wrong with our network? Uh, well, I didn't actually get to celebrate it myself cause I didn't go eat anywhere yesterday. Right. But I will make up for it the next time I go out by giving an extra like three or 4%. Hey, that's really nice of you, man. You know. Good looking out. You give what you can. Yep. Okay. So, uh. Um, we, as we said yesterday, not really a lot of, uh, celebrations for today. Um, today's date is the 22nd. Wow. That's good. I don't even know what effing day it is. Uh, once again, it's a international day for biological diversity. Oh, that's right. Okay. Jizz on the animal. You can try to make a new type of baby and a national maritime day. Hooray. Since there's a lot of days, we can at least tell you a couple of the, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the days that, uh, are, um, form your words. You can do it. National stuttering awareness week. Oh, hooray for that. Um, I had no idea that was going on. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. come across a stutterer, I will say, hey, this is your week. Congrats. Congrats. How are you today? Yeah, that's sad. There you go. Okay, so some of the other ones we didn't say what was going on. It's World Lyme Disease Awareness Week. So watch out for ticks. Yeah, nobody needs that. I don't even know what this is. Preclampsia Awareness Month? I have no idea. I don't know what it is. Let's try to educate some people. Preclampsia is a condition where thousands of women or babies die or get sick every year from. It's a life-threatening disorder that occurs only during pregnancy in the postpartum period. Huh. Yeah, well, now we're aware. Preclampsia. I did not know that existed. Okay, what things should we be celebrating tomorrow? Tomorrow brings us... The 23rd. Well, we do know one thing we should be celebrating because we do frequent this place. We do business on a daily basis. Tomorrow is Free Slurpee Day. Okay, so I'm confused. Like, the 7-Eleven down here... Okay, there's two 7-Elevens within walking distance of our building. The one to the west says that Free Slurpee Day is tomorrow. Yeah, the 23rd. The one that's here says that Free Slurpee Day is today. Yeah, but when you questioned it, she said, no, it's Taco... She said it's Taquito Tuesday. I think they might have put the wrong sticker up. Like, there was one that's supposed to promote it, saying it's going to be the 23rd, and then there was one to be put up the day of. But, so far as I know, it's not. As far as I understand, it's Free Slurpee Day, at least at one of the 7-Elevens here in downtown L.A. I like that. So, go out and get yourself a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. I'm good with that all day. Okay, so tomorrow, so you know how to prepare in advance. Tomorrow is World Turtle Day. So, if you are a big fan of turtles, or maybe you just hate turtles, and you want to express your hatred on a day that's supposed to be celebrated because you're some type of fucking contrarian, and you just hate things that other people love, dick. National? World Turtle Day. World Turtle Day. It is also going to be National Taffy Day. Sweet. Sweet indeed. Yes. I guess I've... I'll have to run out to Rocket Fizz and pick up some saltwater taffy for tomorrow. Taffy is delicious. Mm-hmm. What's your favorite taffy? You know, I've actually tasted some new ones that I had never even had before. There's a caramel apple one that I had that I thought was absolutely amazing. That sounds good. And there was, like, this berries and cream one that they also... That... Is now made that I was just like, wow, these are spectacular. But I went over to Rocket Fizz about a week ago and bought a bunch of the taffy candies there. And, like, some of the old Brock stuff that you can't really find unless you have... You've got one of those old grocery stores that still has the candy aisle with that display. Yeah. Now, that is something that has disappeared from the grocery stores I go to. There's no longer just that huge bin of bulk candies. Right. Right. It's all bagged. Probably the loss prevention on that is just difficult. You know, there's... Too much stuff that's just going to be grabbed by little hands and shoved into pockets when they shouldn't be. Yeah, I did it. Yeah, we all did. Yeah. One or two pieces, you didn't really... You were like, hey, come on, what are they... Are they really going to miss that two cents? No. It seems unlikely to me. Well, no, not anymore because they got rid of them. But that's the fun thing about the Rocket Fizz. And you know what else I got from there that was really strange? It was the first time I had ever had a spearmint-flavored soda pop. Okay, that sounds awful. It was absolutely delicious. It sounds awful. It reminded me... It was as if you took like spearmint certs and were able to somehow melt them down and turn it into a soda because it had that kind of flavor to it. It was just... I thought it was really refreshing and fun. It's not something I'm going to go out and buy a six-pack of and enjoy throughout the week. It's a one-time buy. But it was kind of fun. I would never think that that would be good. So I'm glad that you are the one who took the dive into it. Yeah. I was questioned about it. Really? A spearmint? Hey, it sounds delicious. If I don't like it, it's $1.50. If I don't like it, oh well. I'll give it to a bum. Hey, you're right. Not the worst thing that ever happened. Mm-mm. The last thing that is celebrated tomorrow is Old Time Piano Player Day. Sweet. So like, I guess that's... Have you ever known someone who's had one of those? Okay, a player piano is like the type that kind of plays itself. Right. You put the rolls in there and then you wind it up and then it goes through the rolls and it plays the notes. I did. You remember our high school, not even high school, our sixth grade science teacher, Mrs. Williams? Yes. I went to her house one time and she had one of those. She had one. My parents had friends of the family that, you know, we would go over to their house for dinner every couple of months or they would come over to ours, but they had one of those player pianos, which is really a very interesting piece of Americana. Pretty cool. Yeah. So watch it play and see it happen. It's just like... There was one they had in which they said, watch what we did. They took this little matchbox car and they put it on two different keys and because the song itself kept going back and forth, the thing was slowly going back and forth across the keys because of the way the notes were being played, that it was just enough of a grade for it to go back and forth along the keys. That's cool. It was really fun to watch. That is really cool. Okay, so I was running around on Saturday night and I realized that it must have been prom night this weekend. Prom season for sure. Because I saw so many like limos. And all these other things. Like what do limos do the rest of the year? It's like... Or maybe they just don't come into neighborhoods as much. Exactly. You don't see them in your neighborhoods as much except for around this time of year because everyone's going off to their dances. Everywhere. So it's also the time of year when you start getting your first good yearbook controversies. Yes. The yearbooks that come out where people do this messed up thing or that messed up thing. Some of the ones that have stuck out to me so far, there's a high school yearbook that came out in Texas where they describe... their special needs students as mentally retarded within the pages. So instead of writing like, this is our special education department. These are where we keep our mentally retarded people. Oh. I mean, that's fucked up, man. Like is there no teacher who's in charge there trying to pay attention to what's going on? They actually had to pull back everyone's books and they're charging everybody 20 more dollars to do the reprinting. Those things are effing expensive. They're expensive to begin with. So... So... Mentally retarded. I mean, it's not even like they need a special ed department. I mean, if you're gonna call them mentally retarded, just leave them out of the book. Yeah. I would rather have people not even know that I exist than to call me and my friends mentally retarded because not a lot of people know this. But I was a special education student. And if I had gone through my yearbook at the end of school and I'd read that, that would be... That would be devastating. That's like a school... Bullying you. That's not even like a single asshole. How did the teacher, the editing teacher of the yearbook did not catch that? It's just amazing to me. I thought these things had to be approved by both the editor of the yearbook, the editor who's the student, and then I thought the principal or the vice principal would have to look at it and make sure that there wasn't anything inappropriate in there. Uh-huh. But apparently I'm wrong. Or somehow people are able to slip this stuff in without... Or they just didn't think mentally retarded was bad. I mean, this is Texas where they execute the... Mentally retarded. Yeah, so maybe they just didn't even think... It is Texas. You're absolutely right. Maybe they didn't even think that anything was going to come about because of it. That's just awful. Yeah. Not cool. I don't even think that you need to say that a kid is in special ed. Just call them a regular student. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I mean, we can tell from the pictures with their googly eyes and that shit all over their shirt. I mean, we can tell that something's wrong. But why write it? It's disappointing to me. Yeah. I don't like that. They wanted to be all-inclusive, though. They wanted to recognize. There was another one that I thought was pretty funny, too. There were four girls in high school who all had the same last name. Four Asian girls. Their last name was Nguyen. Okay. Like N-G-U-Y-E-N. So the girls all got together and decided they were going to wear their hair exactly the same for their pictures and the exact same dress for their pictures. Okay. So they're all on one page together. And they all got to put their senior quote. And each one of them took two words. We know what you're thinking and know we're not related. That's pretty awesome. That is. That's really very, very cute. I mean, the fact that they came up with that, that's fun. Yeah. Those are cool things that can happen in there. So. I mean, I remember our high school yearbook, there was some controversies that happened in it because people put it in there. Put in some hidden pictures into something. If you make a yearbook like that, you should do something like that. But deliberately making people look bad like this retarded one. Yeah. Can't really get behind it. I guess schools make problem, have problems also. The University of Texas at Austin, they put out their, all of their issues for their public affairs degrees. Yes. And they apparently didn't give out. Apparently, whoever wrote the sign didn't get a proof writing degree because they wrote. Pubic relations. Yeah. Pubic relations. Like, I think that that's what porn stars graduate with. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. It's like, that's, that's their bag. That's their shtick. That's what they do. Indeed. It's pretty embarrassing. So, pubic relations. Pubic relations. Lovely. That's pretty funny. I mean, mistakes like that happen. At least it wasn't like an on purpose thing. Right. Like some of these other stories are. But that's pretty bad. The people in, okay, remember that story that we did last week about the 49 beheaded bodies that were found along the road? Yeah. Down in Mexico to warn the other drug gangs that if you come around, we're going to do this to you. Well, Mexico seemingly doesn't give a shit. I mean, like, they just kind of let these crimes happen and they don't ever seem to catch anybody. And apparently, though, this one was so bad, they decided that they actually had to go and do something about it. And they arrested the drug cartel leader, a guy nicknamed El Loco. El Loco. Yeah. Like, you don't mess with a guy named El Loco. Uh-uh. I mean, that is. Because we all know what that means. That means, like, the crazy one. Yeah, it is the crazy one. The crazy one. I think for, it's not an exact translation, but I think for Spanish, it actually means, like, the fool. The fool. But also the. The crazy. I think it has a dual definition for it. But still, someone named Loco. I mean, if you're going to get your chicken, you go to El Pollo Loco. It's the crazy chicken. This guy is the crazy one. Well, they also got his two top henchmen, the shrimp and the speaker, which I don't know why those guys get names in English. No, no, no. It's probably, let's see. Camarones. Camarones. Camarones. Camarones. And I don't know what the speaker would be. I don't know what the speaker would be in Spanish, but. So, you got El Loco, you got El Camarones, and we'll find out what the other one is in a second. But, so, they, they, they, they, the police have actually arrested drug cartel members in Mexico. I know. Isn't that crazy? I wonder how long until those cops are dead. Yeah. I mean, that's just. I mean, it's horrible to say, but that place is, that country is now run by its drug cartels. That is what seems to happen. I mean, those guys give enough money for people. People to look the other way, and they just don't do anything about it. So, it is El Loco, El Camarones, and El Orador. Orador. Yes, that's the speaker for Spanish. But, this is just so rare, though, that, I mean, you ever hear about them ever following up and doing anything that. I say, good job, Mexico. I'm actually pretty impressed that you've done something about one of your problems. Because it seems like you just kind of let whatever happens. I mean, it's good news. In the long run, though, this probably isn't really going to stop anything. Because there's thousands of Mexican gangsters who are ready to step into El Orador, El Camarones, and El Loco's shoes. Oh, bail. They'll get bail, and they'll post, and they'll get out. And then, witnesses and police officers will start to disappear, and there will be no trial. They've arrested him, but I don't think he's going to be in jail for long. Oh. Yeah, that's probably true. If he's one of their key lieutenants in this drug cartel, he knows too much. Even he might disappear himself, actually. You're right. They probably could just say, well, there's always another El Camarones. And flat out, you just don't know. I mean, it could be a case as simple as, we don't want this guy to talk, and we have other people who are in jail, so let's just kill him. Yeah. Especially a guy named The Shrimp. So, he's obviously just a little guy, too. But he's probably a scrapper. A little guy who always scrappers. Oh, no doubt. Like, if that little guy is going to get that type of love from his people, then he's obviously done some crazy shit. Yeah. Don't want to mess with that guy. Not a good idea. Not at all. Okay, so we're going to preview one of our guests that is coming in tomorrow. We've got a guy named Eric Griffin from Workaholics. He was great. And pleasant enough to come and do our live show this last Saturday night. And killed it. He finished off our crowd, and everyone walked out laughing. Finish him. Yes, indeed. For me, that's what I'm saying. I'm multiracial. You know? Multiracial looking. And people don't know what I am. They're like, is he black? You know? Is that Al B. Scherer up there? Is that Al B. Scherer? Did Ozone from Electric Boogaloo put on some weight? Did Prince let himself go with that shirt on? You know what I mean? Is he Mexican? Is he Mexican? Mexicans know I'm not Mexican. They always go, he's Guatemalan. That dude's Guatemalan. And the Guatemalans go, nah, he's Mexican. He's Mexican. The worst is when they're like, is he a terrorist? Is he a terrorist? Is he going to blow us up? I'm not a terrorist. Just because I look it. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't come here to do a quick set before I hit the airport. You know what I mean? I'm not in here like, you know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater. I'm killing you. People, two Arabs going to a bar. Nobody survives. Hello! It's working. I don't like American women. I like Al Qaeda women. Because they're the bomb. Ah! The bomb! You see? I know I look it. That's why I always like to go for Middle Eastern girls. You know, I say, hey, Middle Eastern girls, go for me. You know, you get the look. Look, I got hairy knuckles. You see this right here? You get the look without the attitude. You know, I'm going to let you walk in front of me. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to let you read books. You know, you can have your own opinion. You know what I'm saying? I'll treat you like a princess. You know, because Middle Eastern men, they don't mess around with their women, huh? They're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you? What are you doing? What are you? Those men are crazy. They wear shirts like this, you know what I mean? With no T-shirt, with the chest hair popping out. Just. That's why they wear medallions to keep the chest hair down. You know, just. Then when they take it off, it looks like a crop circle. You know what I'm saying? Just like. They be treating their women. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you? You. You are to be seen, not heard. That's why you will never see a Middle Eastern guy with a black woman. That'll just never happen right now. That mix is not going to happen. You're never going to see a guy. Hey, Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Tanisha. Because let's be real, 20-year-old is like Wolverine. No matter what you do to it, it just heals. You know what I'm talking about. I mean, because you know, over 30 is like memory foam. It's just... It's like Play-Doh. It stays in place. Oh, look at that. See, I know all the women over 30 because you're looking at me like, f*** you. My five-year-old nephew came into town. You ever been around a five-year-old so bad you want to kick him in his face? You know what I'm talking about? See, you're getting all weird, but you've all done this. If you see a little kid running around, he's doing some s*** he's not supposed to be doing, and he falls and hurts himself, we all go, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, he's bleeding. He's bleeding. Like, this little kid, I wanted to put him in a contraption like the movie Saw. You know what I mean? Like, he just, don't do that. You know what I mean? He needs to learn some s***, you know? Here's the thing about, like, this little five-year-old. The only thing that would make him, like, calm down was to watch The Lion King. But here's the thing with little kids. You can't just put them down and watch it. No, you have to watch it with you. With you. And not once. No. Like, 12 times. The first time, it's cool. After 12 times, I'm analyzing the movie. Like... Like... I'm looking at it like, oh, what? How come Nala is a little black girl in the beginning, then turns into a white girl? You don't remember? Remember in the beginning? Waterhole! Waterhole! Why are we going to the waterhole, Simba? Why are we going to the waterhole? I don't know no waterhole. And then, like, later in the movie, she's all, Simba, where have you been? Did this bitch go to Lion parochial school or something like that? What happened? I don't know. How come in Disney movies, the song is always ultra white? I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Then the soundtrack come on. Oh, honey. Like, what? Is it too black for the movie? I don't understand. Like, are people going to be in the movie like, this is black as shit. I can't... I can't even concentrate. This is so black right now. I can't... You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio with Jake Belcher and Brant Thoman. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio with Jake Belcher and Brant Thoman. All right, you're back with Grand Theft Audio Radio. This is Jake Belcher. And I'm Brant Thoman. And we... It's time for a segment that we like to call... Up Against the Wall, Motherfucker! Up Against the Wall, Motherfucker! Sounds like it's another... Another edition of GTA's Stupidest Criminals. Yeah, there's some damn stupid ones out there this week. Oh, yeah. It's every week. And I think what we do is try to compile the very dumbest of them so that we can do this segment. Okay, so, in Las Vegas, you had a hapless bandit who lost his wig, sunglasses, and $115,000 worth of casino chips when security wrestled him to the floor during a botched weekend heist at one of the Vegas streets. Okay. Dude, that's one of the dumbest places you can possibly try to rob. I mean, those... First of all, the properties are massive. Mm-hmm. I mean, you have to get really, really far away. And then when you do get really far away, it's just desert and shit out there. Right. I mean, you're just gonna be caught out there squatting behind a cactus. Then you have to figure out some way to come back into the casino to cash out your chips. Exactly. That is just ridiculous. There's two guys who attempted to rob the Bellagio on Saturday night by spraying a blackjack dealer and others with, like, an eye-burning chemical. Yeah, something like pepper spray, basically. Which, you know, once someone gets sprayed in the face with a pepper spray, it's a very quiet thing. I mean, it doesn't draw a lot of attention. I mean, someone's screaming and clutching at their eyes. Like, it's pretty easy to ignore that. And it wasn't just the dealer. I guess multiple people got hit with this spray or whatever it was used. So there were... I mean, it caused an even larger... It's not just one person screaming because they've gotten sprayed in the face. It's five or six people now screaming their faces off because... Because they can't breathe or see. Well, apparently, the guy who sprayed the nauseous gas actually did escape. Well, good for him. Did he get away with anything? No, he got nothing. So they didn't give a shit about that guy. They don't care about their dealer getting sprayed in the face. I mean, that is not important to the Bellagio. The important thing was the guy who grabbed the 23 red, white, and blue chips, they were each valued at $5,000 each. See, and that's the thing. It's like, going for those large-denomination chips is going to make it even more difficult. Yeah. If you are somehow able to get away with that. You just come back later with a $5,000 chip and be like, remember me? Yeah, exactly. Where did you get this? I found it on the floor. Is it really worth $5,000? Really? You found it on the floor? Even then, it's like, everything's on camera in Vegas. Try doing something without being on camera. Well, if he had a wig and a fake mustache on, it is possible to possibly get past those cameras because I don't think they're as high-tech as the TV shows want us to believe. Where they're able to, like, zoom in on a person and, like, ID their face from the local police departments' photos of suspected cheaters. Well, these Oceans 2 did not really make it work out. Didn't they see the movie? It takes 11, 12, 13 people sometimes to, especially against the Bellagio. Yeah, that's right. I mean, you just can't do it. Okay, so, the guy who got sprayed, the guy who, the guy who went for the, for the stealing, I'm trying to turn this off, sorry, the guy who went for the steals, he, he got wrestled to the ground and he was struggling really badly and then he just decided to give up. I mean, once you have that many dudes on top of you, it's probably just best to be like, okay, you got me. You got me. But he, you guys win. He claims that he wasn't actually going there to rob the place. Right. He said that he answered an ad on Craigslist saying that he wanted to go and try to steal some cars together. Well, it was, it was repossessing cars, wasn't it? I believe it was stealing them. I didn't actually see the ad. Yeah, I just remember his statement that he had answered an ad to come do a different job. You are, you are correct. It was a job repossessing cars. Repossessing cars. You got it. So, when he showed up, what happened then? I guess the guy showed up and he's like, no, instead of do this, why don't we go rob the Bellagio? And the guy who the mastermind is apparently wasn't going to go with him. He said, no, I want you to work with this guy to do something else. So here, here's some pepper spray. Go spray the guy in the face, grab the chips and run as fast as you can and get back here and then we'll divvy it up. The last person who actually tried to steal chips from the Bellagio was back in December of 2010 and he was sentenced to three to 11 years for getting away with 1.5 million, million dollars worth of chips. As I recall, yeah, he grabbed like a, like a handful, like handfuls of the $25,000 chips. And he was arrested coming back in trying to redeem one of the $25,000 chips. That's just so ridiculous. And then he was sentenced to an additional 16 years for another robbery at another casino. So that guy's not coming back. Well, the other guy when he was being interviewed, I guess, the one that got caught even asked the police, so how long am I going away for? Because basically and in a recorded interview, so you just admitted that you did it. So you just want to know how long it's going to take you to get out of there. But I mean, what an excuse. Like I didn't intend to do this, but then they talked me into it. It's like he's blaming his stupidity on stupidity. I'm sorry I'm so stupid, but you know, I am stupid. Yeah, so I shouldn't have to go to jail because I'm stupid and I'm admitting that I'm stupid. Absolutely retarded. Now this is not supposed to be a, this is an unsolved crime at this point. But for the second time recently, a, huge marijuana find has been found off the Southern California coast. This time they found four tons of marijuana in large bales floating along in Dana Point. Okay. Dude, why didn't we go to the beach yesterday? I know. I mean, if only we could have beaten those cops there by about 15 minutes, we could have taken one of those bales out. Just one bale. Just one bale. That's fine. I mean, I'm not trying to be too greedy. All I want is a bale of marijuana. Okay, how much do they say that's worth? That's got to be worth, I'm guessing, two to five million dollars on the street. 3.6. 3.6 million dollars. A total of 7,623 pounds. Damn. 160 bales. Damn. It's like, do we know for sure that there weren't 161 and there's still one bobbing around out there? Oh, yeah, exactly. You don't know exactly how many there are. I'm about to take the bus down to Dana Point. Now, how do you think those things wound up there? Um, probably somebody who was trying to smuggle them on a boat and maybe the Coast Guard came up to them and they're, dumping them off the back of the boat while... I think, really, I really think it's these little personal submersibles that they've been building. Like, they've got these little submarines that are literally pedal-powered, but they're airtight and solid. They have an air tank in it if necessary, but they basically just, they sink just to below the water level and then there's basically just a little cone area that the guy's head is in and he's sitting there pedaling and it's causing the propeller to rotate. It's a very slow process, but it's very difficult for people to recognize it because of the way it sits in the water. I mean, if you've got, if you've got, like, sonar going on, you might be able to pick it up, but I don't think you've got a lot of, like, Coast Guard's sonar pinging going on off of Dana Point. I guess it's possible from that earthquake tsunami that happened in Japan that maybe it got knocked out and now it's finally making its way across the ocean together. One of the boats that washed up onto the coast of Japan and then back out and is coming along the coast of California now. It was pretty bad. It says, like, four tons of marijuana and large bales were found bobbing off of the Southern California coast and authorities are still determining where it came from. It came from God. God gave it to us. It's a gift. It's a gift. Like, do you not know that, you dumb police officers? Like, look, they're not all dumb. No. Just the ones with the badges. Right. Because that's what they do. I just hope that this wasn't any part of the supply chain up above me. Right. So that I don't end up without. As long as, like, if someone else ends up without it, oh well. Oh well. I mean, I don't do that. As long as my prices aren't going to be going up. Yeah, as long as I don't have to pay anymore, I'm totally cool with it because that would be a travesty. Indeed. Okay, now, I never understood why this is really a crime. I guess it's because people can hurt themselves and you're not, you're just not supposed to do that. Mm-hmm. But a man went over the Niagara Falls yesterday in a barrel and he survived. Wait, in a barrel or without a barrel? I have two stories. Oh, really? That's why I was going to jump with the second one. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I missed that. Okay, so, okay, so a guy went over in a barrel and- And he lived. And he lived. Yeah, like, do you remember those old cartoons where it was like Yosemite Sam and there were some people going over the barrels? Mm-hmm. I always thought that would be so awesome, but then you look at it, it's very, very dangerous. Oh, it's killed more people than I think people do die when they go over the barrel, but this guy actually made it all the way down. He had a whole full sealed barrel. His friends ended up taking it out and cranking the barrel open and finding him alive inside, but could you imagine going and pulling the barrel out and then like you're not hearing anything inside? You think, oh, maybe he's knocked himself out or something. Hoping. And you pull it back and- It's a human shake. Yeah, that'd be terrible. Everything's been pulverized and turned into goo. But at least that guy had a plan. This other guy who- Oh, you know, it was the guy in the barrel. He was ticketed, right? Yes. Because it is against the law to do that. There's a no stunt rule that both the American side and the Canadian side have agreed to, so you can't do this without getting special permission from both sides of the falls. The other story happened yesterday also. There was an apparent suicide attempt off of Niagara Falls. That's one hell of a way to go. And he is only the third person! Ever who is known to have lived after going over the falls without some type of safety device or a barrel to be in. How fucked up was he? Uh, yeah, he's pretty well screwed. Um, he has a collapsed lung, broken ribs, chest injuries. Um, he's, um, not doing good. I would imagine and I would have also imagined that the next couple of months are going to be very interesting for him with all the psychological evaluations and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court trials and court dates that are going to have to be met and what will probably be termed to be some time in a mental hospital until he's, uh, capable to take care of himself. The amazing part is, like, so even though people do kill themselves here, most of the time if they don't die from, like, impact or something, they get sucked underneath the water because of the power of it. Yeah. But somehow he got kicked into some sort of, um, like, jetty or eddy. Yeah, a little section of it that's a little calmer. And, um, he actually got to, um, land there and then pull himself out to, um, to live. I mean, it's, it's criminal to try to kill yourself. So I fully understand why. Because you could hurt other people, I guess. But it has been, um, since 1960 is the last time that somebody without a protective device went over and didn't die. That's a long time. That's 52 years. 52 years. That was the one previously before that was in 1901. So about every 50 to 55 years somebody is lucky enough to survive a trip over the falls. Let's not go out seeking to do this actively, anyone, please. Uh, yeah, the only thing you should actually do is you should try to be like, um, Daredevil Nick Walenda who's gonna do his, um, his tightrope walking across the entire, uh, uh, Niagara Falls. I saw the, I saw a thing on the Smithsonian channel about it. Dude, those things are so boring. I mean, they never fall. They never fall. No, they, they're, they're trained to know how to be able to fall and catch those ropes. He will, it'll be the first time that the, the, the length of the wire will actually cut through the mist. So there will be a point there where he will be obscured or disappear from view of the cameras when he's going across because there's just gonna be so much mist and that's one of the areas that he's, he expressed his most concern because there's the potential of that rope being, a little too wet for his feet. But he suspects that if he falls, he'll be, he'll grab onto his, his, his rope and he will pull himself to one side or the other wherever, whatever's closer. I'm gonna go with the idea that this guy probably is a Facebook investor and he just, um, lost a fortune in the last couple of days and felt that he had to do something about it. Well, he said, he said getting permission from the United States side was not really very difficult at all. It's the, the Canadian side. There was so many more hoops to, to, to, to jump through to convince them that he was professional enough to do this. He, I mean, he's done, uh, tightrope walking across some of the, like, the world's tallest building in, um, Dubai. Or, uh, he's, uh, they did a cross, a wire from one tower to the other that he went across. And, and, uh, I mean, this is a guy who puts his life out there, literally puts his life on the line. And, uh, so they've said he can do it. It's gonna be a big spectacular that they're gonna try and promote. I don't remember when it's supposed to happen, but. About two weeks from now. Two weeks from now. Well, it'll make the news one way or the other. Yeah, I mean, I like things like that. I, I enjoy watching them, but it is a little boring that, like, nothing bad ever happens. Like, the last person who tried to do these things and things, a bad thing happened every time, Evel Knievel. Right. Like, that guy could never really pull off what he thought he was gonna do. Super Dave Osborne. His, but I think his were on purpose he messed up. Of course they were. Of course they were. I mean, I forget. I was a little kid the last time that guy was relevant. I don't even remember, I don't remember anything he's done in the last 15 years. Really? He was, I thought he had a recurring role on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, but I mean, that wasn't a stunt. Oh, I see. I see you as his stunt comedy stuff, right? Yeah. I don't, I can't remember the last time he did anything like that either. Somehow I think that the whole shtick of him accidentally letting himself on fire when he's trying to poop or whatever it is. I mean, there's always something out of left field that didn't make any sense that messed him up. But Evel Knievel, he would just land, I don't even think he was good at his job, but he was the only one in America that was doing it at the time. Now you see like what these dudes do on motorcycles and you'd be so bored with an Evel Knievel show, oh, you're just going to do one jump across something. Now you got to go out someplace where you've got 50 dudes who are going after each other doing flips and letting go of the bike in midair and trying to moonwalk on the seat. I mean, it's just like trying to do anything they can to make you, yay. But instead, it's just like, yeah, I'm going to do We're so jaded. You got the X-File or the X Games that just go on and on and on. All those extreme sports that used to be like the ABC's Wide World of Sports presents Evel Knievel's jump across 342 buses. The rocket ride across Snake River. Yes. I mean, they just never really worked out for him. I don't even think you can put together a compilation video of his successful jumps. Well, you wouldn't want to watch it without seeing the disasters. I just don't think you can because I don't know that he ever had any. Oh, yeah. He broke the record. He broke world records doing different jumps and stuff. And keeping his ass on the seat and not breaking something. Yep. He didn't crash every time. I don't think he would've been able to have his career as long as it was if he crashed every single time. Well, the crash is what you want to see. Yes and no. At the same time, when you see him complete it, you're like, that's amazing. He actually was able to make it. I mean, you're right. The crash is always spectacular. It's why, I know you don't like NASCAR, but that's half the reason people watch. To see, to re-direct. It is about as boring as something can get to me. I just can't get into that at all. The whole thing is just awful. Can't stand it. Not good. Not good indeed. So, but hey, Captain Robbie Knievel is keeping the spirit alive a little bit. He loves smashing through stuff in commercials. That is true. Give him a monster truck and he'll smash through anything as long as it explodes. He is good at that. Yeah. Okay, so, I said, I said that this guy who probably tried to kill himself was probably a Facebook investor because it is just going down and down and down. How much is it down now? Today, it is down to $30.98. Wow. So, it has lost more than 20% of its value. Yeah, pretty easily. $20 billion in value. Gone. Like that. The whole thing, like, this was a, a big story, you know, the Facebook IPO. For people who may not know, an IPO means initial public offering. The first, the first time that somebody outside of the company can buy into the company and what's going on there. But it turns out that's not really true. There is a secondary company. This company is called Second Trade. Second Trade. And they were actually the first people that let you be able to buy into and get like a valuation on what Facebook was worth before Right. And the whole stock market thing worked here. Did you read that story? Know enough about it? I read over it. From, okay, from what I'm taking away from it, that you actually had employees who were selling their stock on this site and they were, and this is how they were able to track where they could potentially have their IPO with, with the NASDAQ trading area. They did use it. They did raise the value that was suggested to them for their initial, for their, for their initial price. Because of this. Because of this. And it turns out that maybe that wasn't a good idea. No, it certainly is not seeming that way, especially for the investors who were shelling out $38 to $42 a share and are now only getting $31 back on their investment. Dude, if you bought it at $42 or something and, I mean, you're down a quarter of your cash, that's awful. That's, and, And that's failure. Mm-hmm. And, you know, hey, he's, what does he care? He's on his honeymoon. Do you think he's actually going to take one? Yeah. He's going to do a little something with his new wife. I can't imagine that they wouldn't like go off on at least a three, a little excursion. I still believe that him getting married afterwards was one of the smartest things ever because I know that he's going to, he's got to have some type of a prenup that covers his ass. Mm-hmm. You can't do that after you get married. You can't add $20 billion or however much money he made after you get married because it's like half of it could be gone. If I was a girl, I'd just be like, see, you suck, that money's mine. If you still want to hang it afterwards, fine, but you were dumb enough to let me marry into it. Yeah. I'm taking it. Billions of dollars. Billions of dollars. It'll be interesting if it happens. Maybe they'll be happy together and let's hope that they are. Let's hope that they can spend the rest of their life together, but if they can't, that prenup's certainly going to be interesting to hear about when it hits the fan. Hey, man, if you're somebody who makes that type of money, you got to have some type of a prenup. You would hope so. I mean, if basketball and football players have taught me anything, yes, you have to. Very true. Hey, we're going to go to our second break of the day. We're going to bring you one of our other comedians who is headlining for our show on June 16th at the Westside Comedy Theater. This is one of LA Weekly's top 10 acts to see in America and we're proud to have him on our show. Can't believe it. Love the dude. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Mr. Nick Rutherford. Please help us to welcome Nick Rutherford. Give him a hand. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Nothing like coming up after an announcement about a disease that causes blindness in children. Yeah! Comedy! Comedy at the I.O. You guys doing good? You drinking a lot tonight? Sunday, but still, it's a recovery day. Take a rest and booze. This is a good idea that I had a while ago and I'm going to share with you guys. Stay a little cheese. Stay a little cheese. Before I go out at night, I used to pour myself what I call a road soda. That's basically a cocktail that I mix at home and then I drink in my car in order to save some cash. You know what I mean? Some of you guys are like, that's bullshit. There's no way. This seems like a terrible idea. Some of you guys don't like me at all. I can tell that. Right out of the gate. I think we're going to run in here at the I.O. Here's the thing. I don't do it anymore, first of all. It's a terrible idea. But I did. And some of you guys are like, this is a stupid idea to have ever because you're going to get pulled over. There's no way you can do this. I'm not that dumb. I'm not pouring it in a crystal martini glass, you know? Like fully garnished with a couple blue cheese stuffed olives, maybe a top hat and a monocle throwing a cane out the window. It's much more sad than that. What I do is I dig through my garbage until I find it's not a huge Starbucks coffee cup. And then I pour my cocktail in that. And by the look of your faces, this is much more sad than I thought it would. Or I thought I'd share this fun story with you. Anyway, this is true. I don't do this anymore. And here's why. I poured myself a gin and tonic. And I poured it a little too strong. So my hands would stop shaking. And it was in the coffee cup and Starbucks coffee cup. And I took my first sip at downtown Los Angeles growing up, Figueroa, at a stoplight. I took that first sip. And I made that shock face. You know that like mini stroke that you have? You know when your body detects something as absolute poison? So I took the sip and I just kind of went, oh! Like, oh! And everything started sucking in. Down here, I just like made that horrible face. And in this moment, I turned to my right. And there was a cop car stopped right next to me. And the cop and his partner were just staring right at me. Thinking, what the fuck is wrong with that coffee? And so I could have just pretended that I'm a coffee snob, you know? And just been like, oh, oh! Starbucks? It's so bitter. I didn't have any choice. Coffee Bean was closed. And they just got out of my way. I'm a huge asshole. But instead, what I did is pretend that that's what my face looks like all the time. So I just kind of locked eyes with the cop in this moment. I gave him a very respectful head nod. I appreciate what you guys are doing. I know it's difficult work. I'm waiting for the light to change. I'm having fun with the mirror a little bit. I'm going to have a good time. Give me the old bright flash. I don't know. You guys should be able to fix this. I don't know. It paced me for a while. It was terrifying. I was like fucking with the radio, just trying to be really nonchalant. I thought they were going to pull me over and have to complete this whole awful charade, like face to face, you know? Just like, what seems to be the problem, officer? Here's my ID. I photograph well. Like, I don't know. I'm not just playing that away. I never got to that point, thank God. I feel like I guess they had filled their quid. I guess they had filled their quota of ugly monster face people that month. So I made it to the party on time. It was great. Don't do that, everybody. I guess that's my whole set will be a series of things not to do. Here's another one. I say stupid things around pretty girls all the time. I used to live in New York, and I was coming home on the subway after a happy hour with some of my friends. There was this beautiful girl I've ever seen, just on the opposite end of the train. Just gorgeous. Like, totally high tech. Girl next door, brunette, slim. She looks smart, you know, but not like too smart, right guys? You know? Like, I'm going to win every argument, you know what I mean? So that was a fifth of plus. She had Trader Joe bags, which is also a plus, because I love Trader Joe's. Now we have something to talk about, you know? So I went up to her, and I started talking to her, or rather at her, because she wasn't very happy at all at first that I was there. And the train stops at my stop. I get off. She gets off. So now I'm ecstatic, right? Because I know who I am. I know what I look like. I'm not hideous, but I'm not like a smash and grab type of guy. Like, I'm no Jim Perrott, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to go. I need time to wear a girl down. Like, I need to find what she's insecure about, and then I just keep on talking about that until her defenses go way down. I'm like a boa constrictor, to put it lightly. Like, I would love to just hug you until you fell in love with me, or suffocate you. Either way, I feel like it's a win for me. So anyway, so I'm ecstatic. She wasn't very happy. We walk down the same street together. We make another turn down the same street together. I'm really chatting her up, laying it on thick. Turn down another street. We figure out we live in the same exact apartment building, same building in Brooklyn. What are the chances, right? By the time we get to the front door, she is sold on me. She's laughing at my jokes. I'm carrying her Trader Joe bags, because I'm fucking charming. She's touching me on the elbow. That's a great sign. Things are going great, right? So she takes out her keys, and she starts unlocking the door. And now my friends catch up, and they're standing behind me, waiting to get in. And she senses their presence. So she kind of turns around and gives me this look, like, who the hell are these guys? And just to break the ice, I said, it's rape time. Don't ever say that, guys. Don't ever announce that it's rape time. And you're trying to get a girl's phone number. That was not a good move. She didn't think that was funny at all. She didn't. Much like you, she didn't like that one at all. She went upstairs, hit the back. In fact, never saw her again. I think she moved out, which was smarter for her, because that really bold rapist lived upstairs. The point of that story, though, is that it wasn't rape time. You know what I mean? It wasn't barely 11 o'clock yet. It was still pretty. It wasn't rape time. And I'm like, uh. I went to my buddy's wedding, which is weird. My friends are starting to get married. He's very terrified. He was down in San Diego. Really beautiful wedding, just right on the beach, overlooking the ocean. Just gorgeous, gorgeous. And then a very traditional, very traditional, very Christian wedding, very quiet and calm and peaceful. And as my buddy was saying his wedding vows, the most distracting, horrible thing that could ever happen at a beachside wedding happened. This dude on a jet ski just talked his poor ass down the coastline, riding this thing like he was having the best sex of his entire life. Literally the worst thing, just like this quiet, like, oh, you're my, you're not only my wife, you're my best friend. And I'm the rock for you to lean on. Yeah! Woo! Woo! Yeah! I'm going to be single forever! Woo! Woo! Woo! I'm married to Kawasaki! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! It was the most horrible thing. Because that guy on the jet ski's not married. No way. That's a single guy right there. So now my buddy's thinking, fuck, I'm giving that up too. And the bride, you saw the way I was riding that thing. The bride had to be thinking, I'm never going to make love to that jet ski guy now. That's a minus for her. That's an L. And everybody in the car, all the parties, the wedding party. You know, everybody waiting around. Now all we're thinking is, this wedding fucking sucks. I want to be on that god damn jet ski. You see all the fun he's having? His hair blowing in the breeze. Even that guy is not having a good time for reals, right? Because nobody has that much outward fun without being deeply, darkly depressed inside. You know what I mean? There's no way that guy has a normal, happy life. He's just, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I ride because I'm alone! Yeah! And I'm alone because I ride. Yeah! All right, guys. Thanks so much. I'm never going to make love to that. Thank you, man. Go on. I question the existence of God and curse him and his son's name. Jesus Christ. That's right. Can there be no relief from life's daily struggles for someone like me? It seems doubtful. All I need is one reason not to slice my wrists and donate my body to necrophiliacs. Ah, the old commit suicide and donate your body to the sex perverts dilemma. We have all been there. Have we? Sure we have. I have hope for you, stranger. Let me tell you my tale. OK. Not yet. Not too long ago I was a mess. No direction in life. Casually working my way across Vegas eating dirty diapers found in one trash can or another, shooting Drano into my veins for a cheap high, masturbating with bags of thumbtacks. Bags of thumbtacks? Yes. I just needed to see if I could still feel. I heard a voice in my head. It told me to go to Los Angeles and find something really, really tall to jump off of. And end my life. Splat. Was it the voice of God? Probably. Anyways I had to give 18 BJs to hitchhike from Vegas to LA. No friends, no family, no loved ones, just me and the belief that I would end it all by killing myself by jumping off a bridge. Suicide, just like me. Except for the thumbtacks part. Yes, except for the thumbtacks. As I stood on the bridge looking down at the 300 foot plunge that would bring death, I was in a state of ecstasy. I was in a state of ecstasy. I was in a state of ecstasy. I was in a state of ecstasy. I was in a state of ecstasy. I was in a state of ecstasy. And during death's sweet relief I heard other words flood my brain. Was it the voice of God? No, no, no. It was from a car radio speeding past me. What did you hear? I heard the voices of three friends that I knew could pull me through to happiness and fulfillment. I heard the radio show Grand Theft Audio. Grand Theft Audio radio? Yes. With the kings of internet radio, Jake, Brent and Carl. Ever since they first entered my ears, Ever since they first entered my ears, I have changed my life. I am happy now. I am happy now. Even though I know that not one single soul on this planet cares for me, I know that for at least a few hours a week I can pretend that I have friends. Sounds magical. And they have friends. Celebrity friends. Like Cheech and Chong. Mike Maron. Paul F. Tompkins. Wow, amazing. Bobcat Goldwaite. Brett Ernst. Matt Walsh. Russ Gutin. Wow, even Uncle Russ? Yes, even Uncle Russ. But that's not it. So many other stars too and they were always there for me to hang out with. Sounds pretty expensive. No. These men are like angels. Slutty angels. Just giving it away for free. Free? Even I can afford that? Yes, we all can. So how do I find this life altering happiness? Go to grandtheftaudioradio.com and listen anytime. New shows, old shows, and how to thank them for being there for you. to thank them for being so generous with their jokes and companionship. I will do it. I will go to GrandTheftAudioRadio.com and start truly living today. Would you first like to try my bag of thumbtacks? No. Come on, it really makes you feel like you are alive. Pass, I think I will just go to GrandTheftAudioRadio.com and see how that works out for me. Your loss, more thumbtack loving for me. I have to go now, you are freaking me out. I understand, the world looks down on a man who can't kick his spiky metal love addiction. May Grand Theft Audio Radio be with you my friend. May Grand Theft Audio Radio also be with you, friend. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio with Jake Belcher and Grant Thoman. 12, you couldn't be more than 5. You are so fat. Damn dejected. You have to take off your shoes. Yeah, well you are so skinny your eyes are in single file. Well you are so ugly your ears stick out to get away from your face. Well your mom is so... Hold on, wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't bring any one mother into this. She ain't here. If it wasn't for your mother, you wouldn't be here. So remember when you put down one mother, you are putting down mothers all over the world. Welcome back to Grand Theft Audio Radio, this is Jake Belcher. And I am Grant Thoman. And that is just a little taste of today's Grand Theft Audio.com. I am Jake Belcher. We will be back with our first birthday boy of the day. That is right. Words of wisdom from our sixty-year-old Mr. T. Yeah, happy birthday Mr. T. Happy birthday Mr. T. I think I officially lose the bet that Mr. T. lived to be sixty. Yeah. I thought for sure that he was going to do something crazy. There was a point back in the day where I really thought you know, this man is gonna go out in blaze of glory at some point. I wonder what is gonna be. Not so, not so much these days. I just think. And he's such an interesting character. He really dominated a lot of the 80s pop culture stuff. Absolutely. I mean, from starring in Rocky III and... Well, you just over the weekend watched one of his movies. You're right, I did. DC Cab. DC Cab. Which he rolls up with his pimped out taxi cab with the little plane flying above it on the wire. That's right. I remember that. That's right. Pulls up where the other pimp is. They get out of town and wants to impress the kids with his kick-ass car. Well, I guess the thing that Mr. T's probably... The two things Mr. T's probably most known for are... I would have to say Rocky III. Cleppa Lange. I would have said his mohawk. Okay, his mohawk. I mean, that mohawk was... It is iconic. Yeah, I mean, once you see that mohawk come on, you knew that that was Mr. T. Absolutely. Unless they weren't wearing gold chains. Right. Because if they're wearing gold chains, then that's definitely Mr. T. Actually, that's probably more than the haircut even, I think, is just the sheer amount of gold chains that he used to wear. It turns out he wore that gold because he was very sensitive to slave rights. And he decided that since so many of his ancestors were brought to this country with that much metal... With iron shackles and everything on him. ...chained together and that they were symbolic. The right way of showing that he was not a slave was to make his chains gold. Yeah, but he then changed after 2005. Stopped wearing the gold chain. Why did he do that? Well, after 2005... After seeing what happened with Katrina and the state of affairs for so many Americans, especially African Americans down in the ravaged area, he said it was an affront to God to wear all that gold and that it was improper for him to do so at that time. No, T. You can never wear your gold again. No. He was totally not going to do that. Well, we were talking about his mohawk. His mohawk also has African roots to it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He got the idea from a National Geographic issue back in 1977 where he saw the Mandinka warrior who sat there with a spear in his hair cut like that and once again, you know, feeling the pride of being an African American, he styled his hair that way. And he wasn't originally Mr. T. Of course, he wasn't born Mr. T. Although, if he ever does have kids, how he wouldn't name his son Mr. T2, that would be kind of fun. But he was originally born Lawrence Turowd. But in 1982, when he was legally allowed to change his name, he changed it to Mr. T. because he wanted that Mr. to be the first name that was called so that there was a level of respect for him. Well, a lot of respect. I say we play a little bit of this. Absolutely. Absolutely. ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ 15 seconds Beep Beep Beep I'll probably up his butt I mean Mr. T You're not going to put something in his mouth When he's not looking But I bet you can sneak something up his butt I didn't even realize That he was trying to spell the word mother Mother yes Like what each letter meant I was just so caught up in this danceable groove Oh yes it's awesome I didn't know he was such a successful rapper Here we are The last letter R is that she taught me respect And for the room up in heaven That I know she'll get Mother There is no other Than mother Mother So treat her right Oh my god I wonder how high this song must have charted Oh it must have been huge I don't know On the Disney radio network It is very Disney Family oriented I'll always love her My mother So treat her right Treat her right Treat her right Treat your mother right Treat her right Treat her right Oh if you get a chance You've got to check out this video It's pretty incredible Mr. T riding on a A bicycle built for two With obviously an acting mother I mean this isn't his real mother Oh awesome There's no way 사람 사람 I forgot. They just had the first full body shot of Mr. T. Okay, so he's got the mohawk and he's got the gold chains. He's got the jean jacket with no sleeves. Does he have the feather earrings? Feather earrings for sure. Nice. But the part of his outfit that I forgot about, Mr. T always wore those really tall socks with like the colored rims around the edges. That's right, the rings at the very top. Yeah, that's not a good look for anyone. All the way up to the knee, right? Yeah. Yeah. Awful. Okay, now it's taken a really creepy turn in this video. Now there's like little boys massaging their mothers. And they're looking at each other lovingly over their shoulders. I'm not sure what to think about this whole thing. I'm just praying that there's another Mr. T lyric. Another verse? Come on, one more. Please, please, Mr. T. Do not pity us fools. I mean, we need this. I don't know. I know. A lot of vamping going on. Hold on. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There we go. Awesome. Treat her right. Well, happy birthday to you, you mother lover. Way to go, Mr. T. Thanks for giving us that. As much, I mean, Mr. T kind of gets some guff. I mean, he's not somebody that people are like, clamoring to see or anything. But in all the years that he's been around, I've never heard any controversy with Mr. T. No, no. The Snickers bar. Well, there's one that I remember years and years ago. I think he was on like, it wasn't Regis, but it was some kind of morning talk show that he had come on. And he had in recent weeks, apparently purchased up a big plot of land up in, I don't remember where it was, but it was just covered in trees. And he spent an entire like week, every day going out there and cut down an entire acres worth of old growth trees that was on his property to clear this away. And he did it all by himself with a chainsaw. And people were like, man, that's a, were you working out some aggression? Because he was in there, he was on the show, and he had one of those handlebar kind of things that have the spring in the middle where you press it down. And he was just the whole time, he had the gold on, he had the sunglasses going, and he just kept working that. And people were like, wow, is there something, there's some real aggression issues. And apparently at that point, that was one of the things he was coming on to talk about was that he felt this was a great way for him to get over this stress. But it wasn't, I mean, the controversy was the fact that he just went and just cut it all out. And we were like, well, wait a second, now there's this big chunk of woods that are missing. But hey, it's his property, he can do what he wants. Right, if you didn't want him to cut them down, you shouldn't have sold them that property. Right. I mean, obviously, you look at Mr. T and you don't think... Maybe he's using them for a log cabin, he's building himself. Country folk. Yeah. And you think he's a city boy with all that he's got going on. Mm-hmm. You shouldn't think that he's going to be out there making sure that trees are preserved. Right. And the A-team was awesome, dude. Dude, everybody loved the A-team. And I'm sorry, Clubber Lang was one of the scariest fighters that Rocky ever had to face off against. Yeah, he scared the shit out of me. Yeah. So, more than Ivan Drago, more than, definitely more than... Carl Weathers. Yeah, Carl Weathers, who was Apollo Creed. They always have the best names. Yeah. Like Rocky, Apollo, and Clubber. I mean, those are... Those are... And Thunderlips. That's right. Thunderlips was Hulk Hogan as the wrestler in number three. The Machine Gun. Tommy, the Machine Gun. Yeah. I never saw... Did you ever see Rocky Balboa? No, I didn't. The sixth one? No. I didn't either. I can't believe I didn't see it because I really did enjoy the first parts of him. Mm-hmm. But by that point, he just looked like he was old. It's like... Yeah. Not that impressive there. But he... Yeah. Not indeed. Mr. T. Good job, buddy. Happy birthday, man. Happy 60th. Happy birthday. Cost a lot of money to sing. Happy birthday. Cost a lot of money to sing. If it didn't cost so much money, then we would sing it. But happy birthday. Cost a lot of money to sing. Indeed. Yeah, better not do that. They announced yesterday the cover boy for Madden NFL 13. Mm-hmm. No real shock. No real shock. The shock is what, to me, is what's happening in the game. Okay. Not only is he going to be the cover boy, Tim Tebow. Okay. But they also have added Tebowing as one of the animations in the game. So, like, now you can... Are you allowed to choose that as one of your celebrations? Yes. See, I didn't know if that was still something you... If they'd actually gotten to that point where you could choose what kind of celebration... You choose, like, your four celebrations for your character. Wow. To me, that's, like, the most disrespectful thing. I mean, you are mocking another guy's... Belief in a higher being. Belief in his God. Well, unless you're taking it because you like that move. I don't think that's why most people do it. I think it is a mockery thing where they're... To mock him. Yeah. So, is he in his Jets uniform? He is, yes. Okay. I was wondering if he was in the Jets or in the Broncos because he's not part of the Broncos anymore. Just... The only thing I really hope is that Madden does its best... To portray him as a shitty quarterback. Right. He's just not that good. No. I mean, he gets a lot of credit for some pretty amazing wins last year. The only time you should see, like, an increase in the character's abilities is, like, in the fourth quarter. Since he was so good at... In the fourth quarter, it seemed. Uh-huh. But, like, quarters one through three, you're going to be a subpar quarterback. And if you can make it to the fourth quarter and keep it tight, you might just be able to pull off the win. And I'm pretty sure that this is the first time that a specific animation has been... Put into one of the Madden games for a backup quarterback. Yeah. Because he's not even the starter on his team. So, the fact that they're doing, like, somebody who's not even really guaranteed to play... I'm curious as to who else was in the running for the cover of Madden 13. I mean... Last couple years, they've had these big contests. But it's so apparent that he is the number one media sensation guy that you may as well just ride with him. Exactly. I don't think they even had a contest this year. I think they probably just said... It's Tebow, Barnett. How can we not? This will show if there is really a Madden cover of Jinx or not. And if there is, if God can do anything about it. Right. Maybe he'll be the first one not to get injured in this during his season. It happens every time. Every single year. The person on... I don't think there has been a year thus far that the person on the front didn't get injured and out for four to six weeks at least. I mean, if I was asked to do that, I would turn it down. Me too. It doesn't matter how much money you're paying me. I would go to my team. And I would tell them, hey team, Madden wants me on the cover of his game. I'm going to take it because I need the money. Unless you guys pay me more not to do it. Because you're going to lose me. I mean, that's just the way it goes. Right, right. But I need the cash. Baby needs new shoes. I need to make it rain on some hoes this weekend. I don't think that's the thing. I don't think Tebow would actually be saying that one. I don't think he makes it rain on hoes. He makes it rain on nuns. There you go. He's going to donate all that. He's going to donate all that money. He is seemingly a pretty good guy. He goes to Africa and goes on missions. Okay, that's supposed to make you a good person. I don't really agree with that type of a mission to head down to Africa, teach these people that what they're doing in their life is wrong. They need to turn themselves over to God. Right. If they're happy and stuff, why can't we just leave them alone? That's not the type of missionary work I want to do. I want to go and help people who may have already been converted and be able to help them. I want to help them pursue whatever beliefs they want beyond that. But the missionary of trying to go and teach somebody that they are... Hey, come follow me and let me tell you about God. I don't like that. I get too many Jehovah's Witnesses coming by my house to be... Mabubu, put on some pants. Yes. You can't walk around with your dick hanging out. You should stop having sex over there and come over here and... Yes, and tell your wife to put a top on. That's inappropriate. It's just... I hate that. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. If you want to do that in your team and lose that yardage, you want to have that as a celebration, go for it. How about guys thanking God after or before the game? Yeah. We won. Thank God for... Taking a knee for a prayer. Yeah, that would work for me too. Or if a player gets injured and everybody goes and the whole team's come onto the field and they take their knee and they all kind of pray for the guy who's down on the ground because that happens once or twice a year. That should totally be in the game also. Absolutely. EA Sports. It's in the game. But I'm probably not going to play that. What's the last year of Madden you played? I think 07 or 08. That's getting to be a good amount of time ago. Yeah. I honestly think I would probably suck at it if I was to try and just go and start playing right now because I'm sure the controls have changed, not tremendously, but enough that there's new stuff that I wouldn't be used to. Unless you got better since the last time without doing any practice that I've ever done. Right. That would not surprise me. Well, even if I played the 08 version, let's say, and now go to 13, I'm sure there's five years of differences that I'd be like, whoa, this is similar but not exactly the same. I don't know what I'm doing here. I think this is also the last year that EA has the exclusive NFL rights. Okay. So maybe another manufacturer can come in in the next year or two and start making a good football game again because Madden's just so overblown and such horse pucky crap. I can't even stand playing it. Okay. So one of the stories you brought me this week I thought was pretty interesting was about AMC Theaters. Yeah. Apparently, AMC Theaters has been bought out by a Chinese corporation. I guess they're buying the controlling share of it. And I think this is gonna really change, I think, the scope of Hollywood because this is the first time a major Chinese investor has come and will have the industry's ear on the market. And I think this is going to really change the scope of Hollywood. And I think this is going to really change a lot easier to access because AMC is the largest theater owner in the country. They have over 5,000 screens and 350 different venues. And it is the, that's the top tier right there. They are the biggest in America right now. They have 23 of 50 of the top grossing theaters in the country. That makes sense with as many as they've got. But I said last week that movie theaters are kind of going the way the dojo is going. I mean, people just aren't heading out to them anymore because you have such huge screens at home and you can do the 3D at home and you have, I mean, you go to a lot of people's houses and they have sound systems that are as good, or close, effing awesome. Yeah. I mean, certainly for that setting that it's kind of taken all like the need of going out to the theater. Exactly. But in markets like China and India where people still love to go to these big theaters to watch these movies, I think, you know, you'll see AMC theaters start popping up in China and they will start bringing the model that works here in America over to China and you'll see an increase in revenue from the Chinese market for films. So I think, like I was saying earlier, they're going to have the ear of Hollywood a little closer to them now because they control such a large number of screens. It's going to be like, we want to work a deal with you guys so that we can get this stuff over to China quicker. I think that's what we're going to do. Why does it take a while now? Well, I think when you have to get the subtitling in and if you do any dubbing to work on doing that a little quicker so stuff can get released faster because I don't believe the Avengers was released in China as one of those initial spots when they released it to the 39 different countries. I might be mistaken, but it's just, that's where I see it going. AMC has got a model that works very well. They make a lot of money. They can start branching off into China very easily and they're not the only company. I mean, China is now working with like Warner Brothers and Disney with like cooperative companies that are going to be going over to China to expand their markets there. So this is just the first big step in Chinese film issues here. This would be pretty interesting if it led to like China having, like if it led to AMC Theater selling things like egg rolls and dumplings and what are those delicious things they give you? I don't know. Like if we're the meal, those little, like the green pods that have like beans in them. Oh, the edamame. Edamame. Like I would love to get edamame at a movie theater. Just have a spot to throw my little skins off to the side. Yeah. You have a little container. It's got the thing there and a little spot to put the empties. But yeah. You need some little Chinese dim sum goodies. That'll probably be, it'll probably be all the rage in China. It'll start there and then it'll slowly work its way over to the United States because it'll sell well there. Hey, I think, edamame is a great idea. You can get some fresh, delicious edamame before you go in. It'd be delightful. Better than popcorn for me. Dude, I've gotten to the point now where it's like, I kind of got to stop eating popcorn when I go to the theaters. I got a couple of problems with it. One, until the companies go back to tubs, if you try to give me my popcorn in a bag, I am rejecting it. Because it doesn't keep like the butter and stuff in it. Like, it's got these seams in the bottom where the butter just comes out and it ruins your fucking shirt. Yep. I'm so sick of shirts being ruined that way. Two, it is such a huge amount of it. And I'm just somebody that doesn't like to be wasteful. So when you get your popcorn, that thing is effing massive. To the point where, I mean, you cut a hole in the bottom of the tub, you stick your dick through it and like you wait for your wife to grab some popcorn out of it. There's still way too much popcorn to eat in there. You can't even take up enough room in there to make it seem like it's a reasonable amount. Three, I don't know what it is. Movie theater popcorn makes me so gassy. I mean, I can eat regular popcorn at home all the time and have it not be a problem. But movie theater popcorn in particular just makes, it's like a breeze blowing through my pants. I agree, man. I can't. My problem with it is just the sheer mark up on the value of it. You have to spend like $7 on perhaps a large. You know what? I can't, even with a date, I can't finish a large popcorn. Impossible. But I also look and go like, ah, that's the best value for my money. I know. So, I do too. Stupid American. Yeah, it's how they fool us. I always think to myself, oh, you get a free refill with this one. That's great if you got four kids. Yeah, that would make a difference. Because I would go in there and get some little boxes from the concession stand. Here you guys go. Here's each of your popcorn. Go back out, refill it before the movie starts. Good to go for the movie. Well, in every movie theater now, all these AMC theaters are going to constantly play like before it, with three, you get free, free egg rolls. Maybe. Because that's, that's the typical Chinese markup thing that they use. There you go. Buy three items, free egg rolls. There you go. Delicious. Love that. Fortune cookies. Delightful. Okay, so now we have, I guess that was our entertainment stuff for today. pretty much. I think so. I can't think of anything else that was really good. I can talk about how surprised I was to see, I was sitting around last night waiting for America's Got Talent to come on, and I was shocked to see that, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, is running the American Ninja Warrior. That's crazy. I mean, that was one of my favorite shows on G4. Yeah, oh, it's so much fun to watch. I can't imagine how, what the difference is gonna be like in presentation. Because if they play it serious, I'm gonna be pissed. Because it's supposed to be fun, and, oh my God, look, he fell. It's the energy that their commentator has. We can't, you can't even understand what he's saying. It's always in subtitles, below. but the energy that he brings to it is a fun, exciting energy. Something to do, yeah! Yeah, exactly. There's always, and when the splashes occur, everyone has a good time and there's always lots of laughing. So I'm hoping it's going to be pretty much, I mean, it'll be a different obstacle course but see a lot of the old familiars in there. Yeah, I hope they do that too. Did you get a chance to watch it or did you? I recorded it so I will watch it this evening. I had to catch up on the finale of the Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrity Apprentice. Which Donald King is, Donald King, Donald Trump is an idiot. The guy that he chose to win it didn't deserve it in any way. So it came down to Clay Aiken versus Arsenio Hall. They had three criterias that they were being judged on. They were doing a fundraising competition. They were doing a, I guess it was four criteria, a fundraising competition. They were doing a celebrity party event. Mm-hmm. They were doing a live show and they had to do a 30-second PSA for the charity that they're working with. Right. And Clay whipped his ass in, whipped his ass in three out of the four of them pretty easily. I'd say that the last one was a push. The only one that was a push to me was the commercial. But I mean, Clay definitely raised more money, about twice as much cash. Clay definitely threw the better party. I mean, just looking at the room that he put together, everything was over the top and amazing. You look at Arsenio's and it was pretty subdued and it wasn't that awesome. And the people that he had showing up to support him weren't as good as the people that showed up to support Clay. And then the live show, like Arsenio's, he chose a comedy team like for the people to help him out. So he had Adam Carolla. He had Lisa Lampanelli. His other two people weren't really performers. He had, what's her name? Teresa Guadagadichi. Right, from the Real... The Housewives. And then another reality star, Paul Tuttle Sr. Oh, Paul Sr. from American Chopper. Yeah, so two people who weren't performers. Right. And their show sucked. I mean, it was full of swearing and stuff. Like when you have like a charity event, it was just really... Should have been, yeah. Should have been clean. And then Clay Aiken comes out and he's got a great... Everybody on his team are singers. He has Aubrey O'Day from Danity Kane, Dee Snider from Twisted Sister himself, and 80s singer Debbie Gibson. So all of his people were singers. Right. They did a great job. Everything was really nice. And it comes down to the decision. And I was 100% sure. So there was technically a fifth criteria because then there's time to talk to Donald. Yeah. Okay. And now when they talk to Donald, like he asks Clay, like, Clay, why should you win this? He says, well, I'm tired of... I think I showed that I was a better player. I think I showed that I made more money. I threw a better event. I, all the way through, treated people with respect. And I didn't have any... I didn't have any blowups at anybody. And the only person I did have a problem with was Penn, Gillette. And I invited him back on my team during this to show you that even if I can't work with somebody at the beginning, I can learn to adjust and get to the place that I need to get to. Mm-hmm. And... Obviously, Penn Gillette said no, thank you. Gillette agreed to it. Oh, okay. And I think I just said Penn real quick. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't... Yeah, okay. Yep. And it worked out really nice. I mean, he had this superior show. He had this superior speech to Donald. Okay. Here's what I think won it for Ask Kissio Hall. Ask Kissio just said, when he was asked, like, why should you win it? He said, well, because I need the Donald Trump seal of approval so that for the rest of my life, everything I go around, I can know that I've got your name behind me and I can go out and raise money for charity in your name. And he just kissed his ass and got the win when it was clearly Clay who was the decidedly better player. Yeah. That's unfortunate. It is, man. I was... When it came down to a couple years ago, I think the last time I really watched was with Annie Duke and... What is her name? Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers. Thank you. And I thought Annie Duke was going to win it. I thought that all of her stuff was better and it wound up being Joan. The only time I've ever, like, agreed with who won it was a couple years ago when Bret Michaels was on and his finals came down. Right after he had that horrific accident. And he battled his way through it and did an excellent job. So that was the only time I'm like, yeah, that person is the one who should have won. And here's the thing about that is, like, the Donald himself said that he was impressed with his ability to, even after working through so much pain and continuing on and getting to those finals, I think that impressed him very much. So, and... As well as it should have. Yeah, and what you said with Clay Aiken and how, you know, he doesn't have... You know, he didn't have any blood. He never had any issues with anybody except for one. And look, I have shown you that I can work with anybody. You're right. I guess it's a bit of a shame. Runner-up again. Runner-up again. Lost to another black guy in the finals of a reality show. Not my joke, his. I mean, the whole time he was like, I'm having flashbacks to coming in second to Ruben Stutters. I mean, all Clay said was that he just didn't want to be known as the runner-up on American Idol anymore. Right. Like, maybe... Well, now you're going to be the runner-up on Celebrity Apprentice. Mr. Second Place. Yeah. I think if I ever meet him, that's what I'm going to call him, Mr. Second Place. You know, that's what his next album should be called, that, Mr. Second Place. Go out there, make some great songs, and sell a million records. I'm having a tough time deciding who I want to root for to win American Idol this week. It's come down to Phillip Phillips, who my wife is shit-can crazy for. Right. This is the one you voted for, right? Yes. Ten times. Just, yes. Just so I can continue to watch this show with her, because I literally have to grab the remote right as they're giving the results every time. So in case they eliminate Phillip Phillips, I can turn it as quick as possible so she doesn't have to watch a second longer than she has to. She's so wrapped up in that's her dude. So he's one of the last two? Yes. Okay. The other one is this little, I don't know, Chinese-Asian, I don't know what she is, from Chula Vista, San Diego. So a Southern California girl Mm-hmm. named Jessica Sanchez. And I have no idea how she made it to the finals. Like she... Is this that one? Is this that one that you just kept, were amazed that every week she continued to... That was Holly, who got eliminated two weeks ago. Oh, okay. But this one, the guy that got eliminated last week was this guy named Joshua Ledet. And he was so over the top, amazingly awesome with his gospel stuff, that like this little kind of mealy-faced little Jessica Sanchez was nothing to me. And then she's the one who made the finals. So I need to figure out, do I root for Jessica Sanchez to win with the hopes that if Phillip Phillips loses, we have a chance of actually getting him live into studio? Because if he wins, we have no chance of getting him in. Absolutely. I mean, but a loser? We got a great chance of getting someone who didn't actually win. Yeah, a silver medalist. A loser. I mean, I'm not... The first person to lose, yes. Well, last person to lose because a whole bunch of other people lost already. Right. It depends upon... How you want to look at that whole thing. So I am rooting... Damn it. I'm rooting against Phillip Phillips this week. So you will not be voting for him 10 times this week? I don't think so because I want just the chance of being able to get him live in studio. Okay. Well, fingers crossed on that one, man. Yeah. I guess you'll have to vote for her. Oh, man. Okay, look, I am willing... You can't bring yourself to do that, huh? I can't do that. But I can at least hope that Phillip has a chance of not winning, not losing, just not winning, so that he can come in here and that way maybe I can get laid. Or I mean, that way maybe... Right. We'll get some new listeners. I don't know. Okay, so I got a couple of stories here before we wrap up our day that are perplexing to me. Okay. One story out of Boston. There was a Boston University student who was ordered to pay $675,000 for legally downloading and sharing 30 songs on the internet. Illegally downloading, correct? Yeah, illegally downloading them. The problem was that he then took those 30 songs and put them into a file for other people to access. So file sharing. File sharing. And now he thought for sure that he was going to get this overturned by the time it went up to the... Supreme Court. The Supreme Court, and it didn't happen. Well, when you showed me the story and I was reading up on it, originally there was a judge that deemed that the $675,000... $675,000 in fines that they were, which is $22,500 per song. Yeah. That that was excessive and unconstitutional and reduced it to $6,750. I think $67,000. Oh, $67,000. Okay, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he took off one zero. Yeah. But $67,000, which is still a tremendous amount of money per song, but at the same time, what you did was illegal and this is a little more fair. But then the first district court upheld the initial ruling saying that... Reinstated it. Reinstated it, because it... If the... Because the lower court changed that... That settlement, not the settlement, the agreed amount that the... I'm sorry, I'm blanking on what I'm trying to say here. But because if... The music industry was entitled to another trial if the judge was to rule this way and that's why the first district court upheld the ruling. And now the Supreme Court says that they won't hear the case. So he's a graduate student and doesn't have any money. I don't know how... He graduated on Sunday. Yeah. So he hasn't had time to have a job or anything. Right. And that kind of money is just... That's insane. Apparently, the music industry did say that they did at one point offer to settle for $5,000. But he refused to do that when that happened. But that's probably because he thought that might be the first one that they were going to come at him with. And then, well, maybe they'll drop it to a little lower and then we can finally come to an agreement. And nope, they went to court and the music industry beat the snot out of him. It's just like these musicians have such a inflated sense of their own value. I mean, now that they're causing this kid... If he can't pay this, he's going to go to jail. If he can pay it, he's going to live in poverty for the rest of his life. $675,000? That's fucking crazy. Obviously, you can't discount the greed of lawyers in this because I'm sure a lot of it is them who is pushing this forward because they have no fucking soul. Absolutely. Case in point, the John Travolta story that's been going on for the last couple of weeks and the accusations by two different masseuses that he attempted sexual conduct with them. But just last week, both cases were dropped voluntarily by these accusers. And now there's an investigation into the lawyer out of Pasadena to find out how is it that this guy was the one that was chosen to represent these two guys, especially against someone as high profile as John Travolta. And then you have somebody who comes out there like Gloria Allred. She's like one of those red flags. And you see that Gloria Allred, you see that Jesse Jackson, you see that that other dude, Al Sharpton. Al Sharpton, yeah. I mean, you see that these people are involved, instantly realize it's bullshit. Billy Graham's another one of those? Yeah, I mean, you see that those are the ones who are involved, just realize it's crap and it's bullshit. And ignore it completely because they do not deserve your time or your brain or your thought power because they're just there to trick you and the American public into thinking something happened when most likely it didn't. Remember that these people, these lawyers' names somehow garner media attention. And if you're really seeking that kind of media attention, you better really have an awesome case going because if you lose, boy, are you going to be the brunt of so many jokes and so much ridicule. Well, get ready for some brunt. Get ready for some brunt here, buddy. Because here comes the identity of John Doe Accuser No. 2. Okay. This is a 250-pound, just huge black dude. His name is John Truesdale. He formerly was known as John Doe No. 2, but once they took the lawsuit out, then there's no need to cover his name, who he was anymore. So we find out that it's just this big, fat black guy that was accused of doing something wrong. And he accused Travolta of spreading his butt cheeks. I mean, this is what he said that happened. He spread his butt cheeks, then asked for an odd amount of work on his inner butt muscle. These are like the quotes that they used for him in it. And it turns out that, did this stuff just happen in this dude's brain? Was he just rubbing on Travolta's shoulders or feet and daydreaming to himself that, oh yeah, John may just spread his ass and ask me to work down deep in the crack. Yeah. Yeah. So hot. That's just awful. So John Doe No. 1 still hasn't been identified. Yeah, he has not been identified because he fired his lawyer, which sealed the records on it. So like we will not be able to see what happened with him. So when he dismissed his case and fired the lawyer whose name is absolutely unpronounceable. Is it like that name from the family guy? Yeah. Sherry Shevanabadarkadur. This is, his name is Okori Chukwandim. Okoroka. Wow, that is. Saw a lot of syllables in there. He must just say his name is Corey. Okori, yeah, probably. Hey, Corey, what's going on? Oak. Oki. What up, Oki? Hey, what's up, Oki? At least that would make some sense to me. Wow. So, well, okay. Well, now we know who John Doe No. 2 is. 250 pound black guy. And he's not a, like a buff 250 pounds. It's an overweight 250 pounds. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a tubby. It's a fat fingered 250 pound guy. Not exactly the type that you'd think that John Travolta would be laying there like, oh, God, I'm so hard in the pants. I can't believe, I can't believe I have this beautiful black ebony man rubbing me down. Maybe he's into chubbies, though. Yeah. It happens. Could be, yeah, a male chubby chaser. It definitely happens. You just never know. Okay. Another thing that just doesn't make sense to me. Now, this really doesn't make sense to me. This is the type of person I would want to hire. Not the type of person that I would want to fire. A New Jersey woman says that she was fired from her job after her manager told her to tape her breasts down because she was just too busty. She was a data entry worker who said that after two days with Native Intimates, which is a midtown Manhattan wholesale lingerie company, who is a company that's already dealing with somewhat sexy things. Lingerie is definitely not meant for like wearing a potato sack or something. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. that she was too distracting. So they tried to get her to wear casual athletic wear and to tape her breasts down as hard as possible. And at first she compromised, saying that she would wear a gray T-shirt and black jeggings, which are absolutely fucking ridiculous, with rain boots to work, but that wasn't enough. When they got there, her supervisor told her that she needed to cover up just a little bit more. And then that wasn't enough. So the supervisor walked over to a closet, pulled out a bright red bathrobe decorated with pictures of guitars, and told her that this is what she has to wear at work every day. Doesn't matter what you wear into the office. Once you get here, you're going to put on this big bathrobe so that nobody can see how large your chest is. It's not even like... She got fired for this? She got fired for this. Wow, there's going to be a huge lawsuit against this company. When she was asked to tape them down, she said, but she first did say, So that was enough of a... What's the term? It's not disrespect. It's disobedience of orders for the company to say that that's why they got rid of her. It has nothing to do with the size of her breasts. It was with the disobedience. And not wanting to tape down her enormous breasts. And she was sat at her desk for a couple of days actually wearing this. Sitting there just feeling humiliated. She put it on. She tied the belt around. And she sat down at her desk. And she was told that she could go down and she could go and buy a sweater if she wanted to as long as it went down to her ankles. I mean, how big are these girls' tits? Like, you have to have a sweater that goes down to your ankles to be able to cover them all? No way. There's just... So in other words, they wanted her to wear the Honda... That Honda oversized shirt that all the guys were wearing in the commercials. Yeah, that's right. Awesome. Oh, no. What now? Guess who's representing her. Gloria Allred. Gloria Allred. Gloria Allred. Gloria Allred flag. Yep, it's got to be some bullshit. Like, it's... Now I don't know what to think on this one. Now we're probably going to find out that she probably went and told them that she didn't even have breasts and she had to get breast implant surgery or something. Breast reduction surgery or something. Who knows? Which is one of the biggest crimes against nature, but it does happen. Yeah, it does. Is there a picture of this woman? You know, it's just so small you can barely even tell what's going on. I mean... That's too bad. I mean, it's... You can come around and see on the side. They just don't even look like they're that big. I mean, they look like... They look pretty... Not small, but... I mean, they're not massively big. I mean, I was expecting, like, some type of Titanic Tina or something. Yeah, exactly. That's what I was kind of expecting is a shapely woman, but who is very, very chesty. She's a chesty young lady, but not to the point... Hey, dude, if you're distracted by that, then you might need to get some counseling. Because that means you can't seem to stop looking over and specifically noticing her breasts. I mean, for, like, getting rid of a busty girl at a lingerie shop is like firing an ugly dude who works at a Halloween costume shop. Right. I mean, like, it works there, you idiots. How do you not get that? Well, that clothing company won't be up for too long. Dude, I'm not going to buy anything from... I don't even want to say the name of the company again. I don't know. I'm not going to buy anything from these people. I mean, it just seems like... Not that I was really in the market to go out and buy lingerie anyways. But still. But I would avoid it and not do it. Trying to find a better shot of her. Nah, she's probably got her breasts taped down here so that nobody realizes how big they actually are. Right, that's what she's doing. Probably got... Doing that now. The Spanx bra or something. You chicks love those Spanx. I guess guys do too. Is there, like, a Spanx line for men? There are Spanx for men as well. Good Lord. Hey, it's for the chubby guy who wants to look a little less chubby. I guess so. I mean, there's got to be something to it otherwise they wouldn't have... Yeah, there's a market for it everywhere. Wouldn't have put it out in the first place, but that just seems pretty crazy to me. Another thing that seems crazy to me... Oh, my God. What is wrong with us here in America? In New York, there is a parking spot that is set to become the most expensive parking spot in the world. Awesome. It is a... It is a 12 feet by 23 foot spot. Okay, so it's long enough for a limousine to be able to park or a large recreational vehicle. And it is being sold inside of an eight-story luxury condominium apartment. So there can't even be that many people that this is intended for. Right. For the price of $1 million for a fucking parking space. Awesome. I don't even know what to think about that. I mean, you are a piece of shit if you're a parking space. if you're a parking space. if you're a parking space. You spend a million dollars on a parking spot. Yeah. You can't send that to African killed kids who are hungry. You can't send that to me who needs some new TVs and like a new Xbox or something. Or a new roof. Yeah. I mean, okay, a new roof would be very nice. My wife's going to listen today and that's all she's going to hear is the new roof thing and I'm going to have to hear about it forever. Whoops. Thank you, sir. You're welcome. So it's true. I mean, why isn't... How is... How do you justify that amount of money to park your car? There was a story a couple of years ago about Jerry Seinfeld who spent a million dollars to build his own private parking garage. Garage, yes. But he could put 20 cars there. Right. He has a car collection. He's very much like Jay Leno. I mean, anytime you see anything at Leno's house, you see the massive garage and the dozens upon dozens of cars that man owns. And, you know, Jerry Seinfeld's very much the same way. So, you know, a million dollars for a building doesn't come across to me as crazy. Yeah. I mean, that's reasonable. Right. But for a 12 by 23 foot space, nothing built there. It's just two painted lines on the ground. Yeah. But it's yours. To keep your bumpers within. Well, it does give a certain level of privacy where, I mean, the paparazzi won't be able to access you. So if you're a little camera shy or you don't want to have your photos taken every time you get out of the car. If you want to go get a massage from a guy and you want to bring him back home to spread your butt cheeks and massage them, this is your spot. This is your spot. So I see it as the potential for like someone buying it and then leasing it out for, you know, you buy a condo in the building as well. And, you know, if you want, you loan it to friends who need a nice secure secretive location. Just, you know, a hundred grand a month just for this parking spot. Well, for the parking spot and the use of the condo. Even then, that barely... You still have to be more. Yeah. You still need more. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, that is crazy. I mean, I know this is a dumb story, but what I really want to know is when they find out who buys it, like what idiot actually decided to spend a million bucks on it. Yeah. Yeah. A million bucks on this. Right. It just seems asinine to me. I can only see it being in like one of those like super rich apartment buildings and the person who's buying the apartment, that also has to buy their parking spot. But why on earth would you spend that much money for that? With that, you could buy four homes for American families throughout the country. You go to Detroit, you can buy Detroit. Yeah. You can buy blocks of Detroit for that much money. Yeah. I mean, just... And look at all those, look at all those parking spaces that are yours now. Next to little houses that are abandoned. That's not bad. No, not bad living. It's not like you're buying something to store your 747 in. It's not like you're buying something to like some huge item. This is just a fucking car. Just, it's just a car. Yeah. Does it come with like a Phantom Rolls Royce or something? Yeah, exactly. For that price, what kind of car comes inside the parking spot? What do you mean there's no car? There should be. There should be. I mean, do you not see what's happening here? A million dollars you're charging me just to stop, the car right here? Yeah. And a million, okay, so for a million bucks, the number of cars that you could get that are, you know, that at that price, I mean, even top end cars, like the highest end cars, like say a Bugatti Veyron, the fastest car in the world, those go for about a million bucks for just one car. The McLaren from Mercedes goes for something like $750,000. These are the cream of the crop vehicles. At least you're getting something out of it. You get to get behind the wheel. Right. And you get to, you drive it and show it off. You don't get to show this off. I guarantee this, this million dollars is not going to get anybody laid. Like, yo, baby, you see my parking spot? Yeah. I guess if you roll in in the right car into that parking spot, maybe you can get back. And someone happens to be standing in your parking garage and they look over and they see it for the very first time with you in it. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Well, I mean, if you're bringing a young lady home in the nice car and you say, hey, and this is my million dollar parking spot, maybe, just maybe, you'll get some action in the car. Maybe you'll get an old-fashioned or something. A Dutch rudder. A Dutch rudder? Yeah. What's the Dutch rudder? The Dutch rudder is where someone else, where you grab your dick and someone else moves your hand up and down. Oh, wow. That doesn't sound like fun at all. Well, like, you're not really in charge of yourself that way, so. I understand that. At least, like, you're not having to do most of the work. Great. The Dutch rudder. The Dutch rudder. I'm surprised you don't know that one. No, didn't know that one. Well, here we are. Face to face, a couple of silver spoons, got my hand around my dick, and you're grabbing my wrist. Wait a second. Those aren't the lyrics. This is not actually happening. Like, we don't have anybody to prove that it's not actually happening, but it's not actually happening. Please believe us, it's not actually happening. Please believe us. Believe that. Okay. So, remember those, the story about the Secret Service and the Colombian prostitutes? Hell, yeah. Turns out that they are not the only American agents who have been frequenting that brothel. Okay. The DEA has been going there for years. And, now there are all these prostitutes who are coming out of the woodwork wanting to sell their stories about having sex with these agents. With all these agents. Awesome. I mean... Dude, who would have thought that the best place to go and get some spectacular Colombian pussy would be working for the United States government in either the Treasury Department or the DEA? Now, people at home can't see, but I'm raising my hand. Yes. Because, I mean... You knew that it was going to be like that? I mean, why else would you want this job? I mean, you can't be so happy to stop people from going marijuana that this is just going to be the life that you lead. I mean, there has to be some type of benefit to your life that sounds good for being that oppressive. It must happen during the recruitment process when you show interest in the job and they go, oh, it's a dude. Come into this room. We're going to show you what it's really like. You know, like when you get drafted or you get recruited to play at SC or something, you get to walk into the Coliseum and they put your name up on the screen and they have an announcer like, now starting at center for, you know, they go like this thing. For when you try and go to get the job for the DEA, you walk into a room and it's like, you got 12 girls lined up and the madam's there. It's like, now starting between these two girls. You get to choose which one of these hoes you want. But, I mean, I would think that this happens. Which Colombian prostitute will he pick today, folks? I would think that this happens all the time. I don't trust anybody in our government. Like, I had this conversation a couple weeks ago with a friend who had heard my last rant on this. And like, how could you think so poorly about like our government agents? I mean, how could you not? I mean, they're just fucking people like we are. There's no extra morals that these people have got. There's no... As they're proving. As you just should know. I mean, you shouldn't even have to have it proven to you. They're just regular fucking people. These people probably have worse morals than you do because they want to tell you what to do. They want to get up in your face and tell you that, no, no, legally you can't do this. Legally you can't do that. Like, I want to make sure that you are oppressed. That, to me, makes you a worse person. Yep. So how can people look at these and think that, oh no, because they're a member of the government. Like, they would never do that. They're under so much scrutiny. But obviously they're not. Yep. A hundred percent that's true, man. They are banging everything that takes pesos. Yep. Oh yes, especially pesos. Go a long way on some pesos. Mm-hmm. And it's, I bet you're right. I bet it's all around the world. I'm sure it is. There are specific hotels that they know of in every town or at least in every major city. And that's where they go to party when and before it's time to do their job. every country that America has a presence in, with some type of a government agent, there is somebody paying for sex in that country today. Probably right. that, you know what, that is probably a very bold and correct statement right there. I'm sure that in Lithuania or Botswana or wherever the hell they are, they are knee deep in some rented vagina. Probably. Because that's just human nature. I mean, it's just what happens. I am not going to be convinced otherwise. I can't be. Impossible. Because people lie about that stuff. Like, oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that. But you are full of crap. And if you were in that situation, you would probably just do the exact same thing. Oh, hey, hey, if I, if, you got to wonder how many times these guys got away with it before they got caught. So, yes, I would completely imagine that. That is true. I can't believe we've gotten to the end of our show today, man. I know, it's been pretty fun though. It's been nice having you here for the whole thing. Indeed. We've had a couple recently where we've either had other guests in at the end and there have been really rushed and crazy or whatever. But we should take our last couple seconds to remind people of our next live show, June 16th at the Westside Comedy Theater. We're going to be rocking head writer for the Ellen DeGeneres show, Karen Kilgareff. Tomorrow's live in studio guest, normal opener for Norm MacDonald, Michael Gelbart. We're also going to have two of LA Weekly's top 10 acts in America to watch. Nick Rutherford and the Walsh Brothers. Man, that's incredible. I believe we're getting both of them in here. We have adorable cute as a button and hilarious two Brenda Lamberty and Justin Kusin who's awesome. There will also be a set from our entertainment reporter, Carl Kozlowski. Of course. And there will also be a retelling of one of the most embarrassing stories in the history of mankind as I recount the tale of Billy Cook's gas passing and feasting. It's going to be a hoot. It's going to be a blast, everybody. So, June 16th, 8 o'clock at the Westside Comedy Theater. It's a great little venue to come out and see. $3 Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon and Tecate. Tecate. And it's the Schlitz Tallboys. So, you're getting a deal on that one. Delightful. So, we also recommend that you have a, if you have a chance, please go to facebook.com forward slash Grand Theft Audio so you can like the show, go on there and show your support. We also do tweet at Grand Theft Audio so you can hear our outside of the show musings. And I know it's a lot of work, man. We're asking so much. But if you can find a way to make it onto iTunes and give us like a rating, I mean, shit, if you hate us, like give us a one rating. Just like show that you want to let us get some feedback on what it is that we're doing that you like and things that you don't like. And we'll always try to make the show better. Yeah. And I think we make the show better tomorrow by having three live guests in studio. Indeed. Tomorrow's going to be a jam-packed full day of guests coming through. Who are we starting off with? Our first guest of the day will be Michael Gelbart. Awesome. Who is the, is one of the, no, no, he's the opener for Norm Macdonald. Norm Macdonald. Hilarious. Then we also have from our last Saturday night show, we have Eric Griffin coming in. Who's also on Workaholics. And then one of our previous guests, he is known worldwide now. I don't think he's been in this studio yet, has he? He has not. No, he hasn't been to Skid Row Studios yet, but we've had him on before and he's done live shows for us as well. And he's the national spokesman, international spokesman for Metro PCS. That's right. He's one of the two Indian guys you see in those. He's Chad. So it's going to be a pretty awesome show. Mr. Sed Veda. Hell yeah, it's going to be great. So hey, we never play the end of this, which we should actually legally do sometimes. So this is Jake Belcher. And I'm Brant Thoman. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you tomorrow. Bye. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Brant Thoman, and Carl Kozlowski.