I ain't doing nothing but talking shit.
 Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along.
 Ow.
 I ain't doing nothing but talking shit.
 Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along.
 I know you're gonna dig this.
 Don't touch that guy.
 Yeah!
 The bigger dicker.
 The pancake flipper.
 The boom-stickity-boom-stickity-boom-stickity-sticker.
 The boogie flipper.
 The windshield wiper for your ear master.
 The cam crunch that will steal you from disaster.
 Y'all.
 You got...
 Too many cracks on your wall.
 You need plaster.
 Get with the program.
 You're drinking 30-year-old Rupia Shasta.
 You think I'm lying?
 Stop trying.
 Pay attention and you could go far
 when you're tuned in to the N, the P, and the motherfucking R.
 You know what I'm saying?
 That's what we do here.
 I'm your host, Nestor Rodriguez,
 a.k.a. you-know-who, the Boogaloo Electric,
 you-know-what-to, Nestorius,
 and welcome, man.
 Welcome to the Nestorius Public Radio Show.
 It's been a minute.
 We were on hiatus.
 You know, we were doing some shit on the East Coast,
 New York City,
 eating hot dogs and scratching and sniffing our balls,
 you know, how we do over there on the East Coast.
 You know what I mean?
 That's my man.
 That's my man, Rich Cor...
 Rich Corbin.
 I was going to say Rich Coffman.
 A hybrid between Rich and Simon.
 Rich Corbin.
 Yo, what's up, everybody?
 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
 My man Simon, he fucking homified on us.
 He's going back up to Seattle
 because his life was very optimist here
 and he decided to go back.
 He had everything going for him
 and he had to leave it because...
 He needed some depression.
 He needed to challenge himself.
 He needed some depression.
 That's right.
 That's right.
 And tonight, we got a very special guest.
 My boy right here.
 I've been...
 Oh, shit, man.
 Where could I start with you, man?
 We're always texting for like...
 For years.
 That's right.
 Nigga, you and I text for years, right?
 Yo, where you at?
 You're in New York?
 Yo, where you at?
 In L.A.?
 Yo, where you at?
 In New York?
 Yo, where you at?
 In L.A.?
 Let's hook up.
 Let's hook up.
 Meanwhile, you are fucking producing,
 fucking directing on the Academy Awards
 fucking red carpet.
 You're here.
 You're there.
 Every fucking way.
 I haven't seen you in forever.
 My man, Q Reyes.
 What's up, baby?
 What's up?
 What's going on?
 What's going on?
 I like your letter.
 Your setup here is nice.
 Setup is nice.
 It smells nice.
 What's going on?
 That would be the Dark Mark essence.
 Well, what you don't know,
 what you don't know...
 The essence of Dark Mark.
 Yo, what you don't know is that
 Ginger Lynn records like the...
 The weed show?
 No, no, no.
 All You Can Swallow dildo show
 from four to six every day,
 Monday through Thursday.
 Then you got Dark Mark,
 who does his show before mine,
 from eight to nine.
 And in between that,
 you got the medical marijuana
 delivery service that comes in and out of here.
 I see that.
 Yeah, and they blow smoke
 into the fucking air handler system.
 So it's like an incense kind of thing.
 Incense, yeah, yeah.
 We don't smoke.
 It just smells like that in here, yeah.
 And what was that?
 Was that cocaine?
 Yeah.
 No, thanks, man.
 Yeah.
 No, is that for me?
 No, I'm good, I'm good.
 No, you don't have to touch that.
 You don't have to touch that.
 I'm not gonna touch, yeah.
 Don't touch it, that's just...
 I can sell this, actually.
 Yeah, let me have it.
 That's just for show.
 I'll take it home.
 That's just for show.
 You know, I'll do it later, I have to drive.
 That's just for show.
 I don't wanna get pulled over, you know.
 That's just for show.
 What's up, man?
 Man, just trying to just be like you, man, just...
 Trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents?
 I'm trying to make a dollar out of being in debt.
 You know what I mean?
 Well, then you're doing good.
 Well, you know...
 Yo, you wanna take your jacket off and shit
 and stay for a while?
 Well, is that what it is?
 It's hotter than this motherfucker.
 Is that what the people want?
 Are the people asking for this?
 I think the people, they're texting me right now.
 Yeah, they're texting me right now.
 I'm sorry, sir.
 You need a jacket to be on the show.
 You got a t-shirt, you got a nice button-down blue shirt
 and a wool jacket, it's hotter than this motherfucker.
 By the end of this, it won't be that hot, but watch.
 Look, well, I'm gonna start with this.
 And for every question, one button comes down.
 That's it, it's every question.
 Hope you got a lot of them.
 There you go, now you look a bit more comfortable.
 Well, yeah, you know, I just got, you know, rust in here.
 You know, I try to go to the meetings.
 When I go to meetings, like, looking...
 Looking like you got a bank account.
 Exactly, because if not, they think you're gonna rob 'em.
 You know what I mean?
 Especially with me.
 Oh, well, they don't take you serious.
 I mean, I'm with you, brother.
 I'm with you.
 You know what I mean?
 I used to.
 But you're moving up, you're moving up.
 I'm trying to, you know, I came to that realization
 that I had to kind of make a change in my ways
 when I realized that I was stuck in the same place.
 You know, like, you get treated like you act.
 So if you act, you know, like...
 You get treated like you're dressed.
 You know what I mean?
 Exactly, yeah.
 If you act like an assistant,
 you're gonna be treated like an assistant.
 Right.
 But a lot of it is looking the part.
 So if you look the part, then it doesn't matter what you do.
 People might think, wow, you work in banking.
 But meanwhile, you just sharpen pencils at an agency.
 They don't know.
 Exactly.
 You know what I mean?
 Exactly, you fake it 'til you make it.
 You know, you keep going.
 Let's tell the NPRians out there in internet land
 who we're talking about here, you know?
 You and I met on, well, we met with my boy, Ruperto.
 Yeah.
 Ruperto was doing a show in town, Ruperto Vanderpool.
 What?
 That's my nigga right there, Ruperto.
 Yeah.
 That's another story right there, yo.
 Shout out to him, yeah.
 Big up to Ruperto Vanderpool, man!
 That motherfucker, yo.
 Dominican, baby.
 Yo, that's another story right now
 at this particular junction.
 Yeah.
 You know what I mean?
 But he was in town, reportovanderpool.com.
 If you wanna know who he is, Google him.
 Go to his website.
 A very, very funny black Tino comedian.
 Yeah, yeah.
 Like me, I'm a little chocolatey.
 No, you're a black Tino.
 You're a black Tino.
 You're a black Tino.
 First of all, you're Puerto Rican.
 I'm Puerto Rican.
 I'm half Dominican, too.
 Half Dominican, half Puerto Rican?
 Well, you were born in Puerto Rico, though, right?
 I was born in Puerto Rico.
 Born and raised.
 Where were you born in Puerto Rico?
 In San Juan.
 In San Juan.
 Then I lived everywhere.
 Ponce, everywhere.
 Where in San Juan?
 Just like San Juan is a--
 Santurce.
 Santurce.
 Santurce.
 Okay.
 It's right up in the north.
 Okay, yeah.
 Santurce.
 You know, everybody here in California is more like,
 "Hey, so you're from Puerto Rico?
 "Like, what part of New York is that?"
 Right, right.
 Exactly.
 They don't even know.
 Is that uptown, or is that downtown?
 Exactly.
 Yeah.
 Well, they're partly right in asking that question,
 because Puerto Rico is partly uptown, el barrio,
 and some part of it is, a little part of it,
 is the Lower East Side.
 Because, but that's a very little part,
 'cause they've kicked, you know, most Latinos out of there.
 Wherever, put it this way,
 wherever you see projects in New York City,
 that's where Puerto Rico is, okay?
 But, you know, it's a difference
 between Puerto Ricans and New Yorican.
 There's a big difference.
 Absolutely.
 You know, like, I'm a Puerto Rican.
 You know, in New York--
 You were born in Puerto Rico.
 I was born in Puerto Rico.
 Yeah, exactly.
 And in New York, New Yoricans are really aggressive.
 You know what I mean?
 They're like, they'll kick your ass any minute.
 Where, Puerto Ricans, we kind of lay back.
 In PR, definitely.
 Yeah, like--
 But not so much now, man.
 I mean, Puerto Rico, if you look at economically,
 Puerto Rico is in bankruptcy.
 Like, in worse shape than Detroit.
 And meaning that the means to make a living in Puerto Rico
 has been outweighed by the lack of jobs
 right?
 Yeah.
 The source-- that sounded retarded.
 The source of making, of producing, right?
 Companies, agriculture, whatever, has been outweighed
 by the means to make a living.
 That's what I meant, the employment.
 It's just completely fucked up.
 And as a result, Puerto Rico has the highest crime rate
 per capita than, I think it's on the top fucking five,
 if not on the top, the number one spot in the United States
 per capita, even though it's not a state.
 And because of the drugs that are being--
 I mean, the rampant drug use and drug sales in Puerto Rico
 has made Puerto Rico not so relaxed, not so chill.
 But what you're saying is, usually, Caribbean folk
 are very laid back.
 They're cool people.
 Laid back.
 Yeah, in that aspect, for example,
 I think what's happened with Puerto Rico is that it's hard
 to really compete with India or China, as far as labor.
 So we really don't have that manpower
 to support our economy.
 Our economy is huge.
 As part of the United States, we use the dollar.
 So we--
 Yeah, but Puerto Rico has stopped producing anything,
 like anything, for fucking years.
 Except J-Lo, they produce J-Lo.
 Well, J-Lo, no.
 I mean, they produce-- they have chemical plants in PR.
 You got DuPont, Union Carbide.
 You got those fucking things.
 And what they produce, whatever chemical byproducts,
 they produce, get shipped back to the United States.
 Or smoked.
 Or smoked.
 Some people do smoke.
 Well, that's another story.
 But they get shipped back to the United States.
 And those companies get federal tax breaks.
 That's why they're there, right?
 And then any kind of products that
 have to-- pharmaceutical products--
 have to be shipped back to Puerto Rico.
 And they have to be-- they have to pay a tax on it.
 So it costs more fucking money to get a bottle of eye drops
 that's made in Puerto Rico in Puerto Rico.
 That makes sense to you?
 It makes sense.
 You know, because that's the--
 That's like the pineapple and sugar industry in Hawaii.
 Exactly.
 Exactly.
 Delicious.
 That's a delicious industry.
 Yeah, but the taxation--
 They put a little sugar on the pineapple.
 You heard him?
 He said that.
 He said, delicious.
 Delicious.
 That's delicious.
 Delicious.
 He said, all you have to do is say pineapple and sugar
 to a fucking spic.
 He's like, that's delicious.
 That's delicious.
 You know what's the problem, really, beyond Puerto Rico?
 It's really, you know, democracy's fucked up.
 You know, like, democracy has been
 outdated for hundreds of years.
 And it's time for us, you know, in a new age,
 to come up with a new way to govern ourselves.
 And then you say that as, oh, well, you're a socialist.
 That's like, I don't even believe so--
 I don't even like socialism or any other isms.
 I mean, anything that's existing right now is not working.
 So I think what we need to do is new minds need to come up
 with a new way to govern, you know?
 And it doesn't mean that it's like we leave what we have.
 It means instead of trying to improve it and do, like,
 10 million amendments to fix something that's not working,
 let's start from scratch.
 Let's do-- you know, let's think about what is--
 Start over?
 Yeah.
 Let's start over.
 Like, clean the slate?
 Clean the slate.
 And let's do something good.
 White people got to get the fuck out of the United States.
 Like, the United States--
 No, they need to prioritize.
 You need to strip down the old guard
 and prioritize what needs to be fixed.
 The United States belongs to Mexico and some
 of the indigenous people.
 Like, throw everybody out.
 Let's start from scratch.
 That's what you're saying?
 I think we need-- first thing is, like, borders are bullshit.
 You know, that's something that people came up with.
 You know, it's the world.
 Fear.
 Yeah.
 But it's the world, right?
 And we're all human beings.
 But now we're like, oh, they're Africans.
 So they're over there.
 They're starving.
 They're starving.
 Right.
 We're all starving.
 Right.
 You know, and then--
 Well, we're all starving for something, for sure.
 If it's not nourishment, it's spiritual growth,
 or emotional growth, or something.
 Everyone-- we're all lacking something, right?
 Yeah.
 I mean, not only that, but then we
 try to fulfill it, like, by sending a check to Africa.
 But then we step over a homeless guy in the front step
 to go mail that check that's going to go who knows where.
 Right, right.
 You could just give that man some help.
 Not necessarily money.
 You can help the person next to you.
 That's a-- dude.
 Dude.
 Dude.
 The old adage, you know--
 That's a whole other fucking--
 here.
 That's what's the problem in Puerto Rico, you know what I mean?
 Oh, Puerto Rico.
 Bro, Puerto Rico is fucked up, OK?
 Puerto Rico is fucked up.
 First of all, first of all, Puerto Rico is on welfare.
 Puerto Rico has been on welfare since the turn of the century.
 Since the United States of America,
 the federal government went into Puerto Rico back
 in the fucking '20s or whatever to use Puerto Rico
 as a bumper guard in case America was attacked by Cuba
 or whatever the fuck, right?
 We had two naval bases there.
 We have one in Culebra and we have one in Vieques, right?
 Puerto Rico has been on the United States federal government's
 nipple for all these years.
 And what happens with anyone who gets weaned on fucking welfare
 juice, what happens is you're not giving someone a means
 to make their own life, right?
 You make them dependent on something,
 and then you make them helpless, right?
 In other words, you need me, Q, and I'm
 going to make sure you know you need me
 for the rest of your life.
 That's it.
 Not, here, Q, have some water, right?
 And then, you know, let me show you where the well is, right?
 And whenever you want some water, check it out.
 You may have to walk five miles, but the water's over there.
 You can have it as much as you want.
 You don't need to come to me to get it, you follow?
 And so that's-- I mean, that's what--
 so that's one thing about Puerto Rico.
 Then you have the--
 the split off of the mentality of Puerto Ricans.
 You have the people who are for the federal government,
 and you have people who are for the colonization of Puerto Rico,
 right?
 So you have the pro-statehood fucks,
 and you got the fuck the pro-statehood,
 we need to go back to the colony.
 Which, right there, you're having an archaic argument.
 Because if you-- this is for you guys-- if you realize that--
 you don't have any means to be self-supporting.
 How the fuck are you gonna go back to being independent?
 Independent from what?
 What are you gonna create?
 - Yeah, I mean--
 - I mean, in order to have an economy,
 you have to have something that you make.
 You have to have some sort of service.
 You have to have something that you're selling, right?
 You have something.
 They're not-- they don't make--
 I mean, they have a very small coffee production there now.
 It used to be fucking coffee.
 It used to be pineapple.
 It used to be sugar.
 Sugar-- Puerto Rico was one of the most biggest suppliers
 of sugar, you know, in this part of the world, for years.
 - And now they just make it out of corn.
 - For hundreds of years, OK?
 Sugarcane, forget it.
 But anyway, we can go on and on and on about that.
 But, you know, to address what you're saying, Q,
 things are changing a little bit.
 People are becoming more aware.
 People-- for instance, people are becoming fed up,
 with a lot of bullshit that's going on.
 We've talked about this-- talked about this on the show,
 whereas, you know, racial riots and all that--
 people are becoming somewhat aware.
 And I think that that's a start, you know?
 Because in order for you to effectuate change or whatever,
 you have to get to a point where you're like, that's it.
 I had enough.
 And I think there's hope for that.
 Like you said, there's hope for that.
 - It starts-- but it starts, I think--
 it's like, I like to step out of the hole we're in
 and look from the outside.
 And it's really-- we've been sold a dream.
 An American dream.
 OK, you buy a house, you buy a car,
 and then now you have to work all your life
 to pay for those things.
 That's slavery.
 That's slavery without having to beat you.
 Now you're beating yourself up, because you've
 got to go to work to some job you hate.
 That's slavery.
 Because we're all part of that slavery system.
 - Of course.
 Of course, because you-- you bought into-- perfect example.
 A very small version of that is, so you buy a house.
 I'm a homeowner.
 But then you realize that-- are you
 happier owning a house than you were when you were living
 in the States?
 When you were living in the projects?
 That's just a question.
 So you can go back way the fuck back then.
 And the answer is not-- there's no right or wrong answer.
 It depends on who you are as a person, where you're at.
 - And do you really own it?
 - Well, that's another story.
 - Because when the government comes and says,
 we want to build a shopping mall here, you're out.
 - Yeah, but that's another story.
 And here, let's go back even further, right?
 Go back to, what is it that you really want out of life, right?
 What makes you happy?
 What makes you happy, Q, right?
 I mean, these are just rhetorical questions.
 But most people wind up following the bouncing ball.
 You're talking about the reality of things.
 Like, I have a house.
 If the government comes in and says
 they want to buy all those fucking houses for $5 each
 down the strip of Laurel Grove where I'm at, they can do it.
 And they can make five more lanes on the 101 freeway.
 It's right there already.
 Of course, we already know that.
 I mean--
 - So exactly.
 So all the work that you're doing in order to pay for this
 is really, at the end of the day, not even yours.
 You know what I mean?
 'Cause if you don't pay your taxes, they also take it away.
 - Of course.
 - So it's kind of like--
 And we've been taught since we were growing up that it's like,
 oh, this is what you have to do as an American.
 You grow up, and you get a house, and you get a car,
 and then you get a good job.
 You work at UPS, and then you get a--
 - Man, Papi, what you gotta do is you gotta stay in school, OK?
 You are staying in school,
 you stop fucking around with the cocaine, OK?
 Then when you stop fucking around with the cocaine, OK,
 then you pay attention in school.
 You graduate, OK?
 And you get a GED, OK?
 Fuck the high school diploma.
 That's too fucking much, OK?
 You get a GED, and then you get a job at McDonald's, OK?
 They got good benefits, OK?
 And free hamburgers, OK?
 You bring some hamburgers to the house,
 and we all live happily ever after, OK, Papi?
 - That's another thing.
 Education, you can go to my YouTube channel.
 I have blogs there about education is bullshit.
 That's the biggest gang system there is.
 Because it's like, if you're not part of the educated crowd,
 if you don't got that degree, you can't go.
 You ain't shit, and you can't come up with us.
 - I get it.
 - You can't even get an interview.
 - I get it.
 - You might be the best person for the job.
 - I get it.
 - But fuck you, 'cause you didn't go to this school.
 - I get it, I get it.
 Well, you'll break it down to this, break it down to this.
 A Harvard curriculum, let's say, right?
 One of the top Ivy League schools in America.
 If you look at the curriculum there,
 that curriculum should be the basic curriculum
 for any university.
 That should not, you should not have to go
 to a specific Ivy League college
 to get that standard of education.
 That should be the standard across
 the board, okay?
 Whether you can afford it or not.
 What you just said is a socioeconomical way
 of fucking putting the have-nots in their fucking places.
 Sure, the spixin' niggers can go to college.
 Just keep 'em in fucking community colleges.
 Eh, fuck 'em.
 We'll give 'em an opportunity to get to a four-year college,
 and then they're specialized four-year colleges.
 I know, you know, the thing is, I agree with you.
 - Seven years to be like a mechanic,
 or like seven years to work at Starbucks.
 You know, you go to school all these years,
 you end up in the same place
 that if you didn't go to school.
 - Right.
 - You know, most of the people that made billions
 don't even have a college education.
 - Right.
 - Branson, you know, he got an airline.
 - Right.
 - And he's not even a pilot.
 - Right.
 - So he don't have a college education.
 That tells you, it's like--
 - Right.
 - But we, you know, we're brainwashed.
 Education is key.
 Yeah, the key for you to be stressed out.
 If you wanna live for your parents--
 - A lot of these dudes, a lot of these dudes.
 - I mean, education is just another way
 for you to become in debt.
 - Yeah.
 - Seriously, look how expensive education is.
 You get out of four years, $200,000, $300,000
 because they tell you you have to get a certain degree
 or a certain, you know, for something.
 - Education should be, right,
 a place where you as a young adult,
 a young man, a young woman,
 could go and try to quench your thirst for knowledge, right?
 Because you don't know what your purpose in life is, right?
 Quench your thirst for knowledge
 and maybe gain some experience
 and some knowledge in this area and you go, huh,
 you know what, I'm good at math.
 Maybe I'll fucking become a scientist, whatever, whatever.
 You know, that's another whole debate, you know what I mean?
 Let's go back to being an artist, you know?
 If you wanna be an artist, if, first of all,
 who nurtures you to be an artist?
 Most of us don't.
 If you come from being a Latino family, you know,
 what does being an artist mean?
 You know what I mean?
 - Yeah, you weren't good at anything else.
 - But what does that mean, you know what I mean?
 You're a fucking outcast, I mean, when I was just saying that,
 I was thinking about, you know,
 people who have created certain art forms, right?
 You take graffiti artists, right, in New York City.
 These guys were fucking degenerates.
 They would steal spray cans,
 they'd break into the MTA, the subway system in New York,
 and they'd create these fucking top to bottom canvases
 on trains, right?
 They were vandals.
 But if you look at it from a bigger picture,
 they created this art form that you look at now
 has transcended, you know, what's, you know,
 you didn't go to school for that.
 You created that, you know what I mean?
 But up until a certain point, they were just degenerates
 until galleries start coming up and being like, wow,
 and you can sell a fucking piece for 5,000, 10,000, 50,000.
 You know what I mean?
 - Yeah, until the money came into play.
 That's another thing about the money.
 Why do they have a new math book in colleges?
 - Every week?
 - Yeah, and there's no new math since who knows when.
 There's no new math.
 Why do you have a new edition?
 Like, what's new in algebra that we don't know?
 It's just been discovered.
 - Yeah.
 - It's the new model, man.
 It's just worded differently.
 - Yo, listen, it's the new shit.
 You can't learn old mathematics.
 - Why can't you just keep fixing your car?
 - It's like, they just changed the names.
 - Put a new engine in it.
 - They just changed the names.
 Pedro went to the store and bought two things.
 How much does Pedro in the next year?
 It's like, whoa, it's Jose now.
 Jose goes to the store now.
 It's not Pedro.
 It's like, what does that have to do with that?
 - Actually, Jose got stabbed on the way to the market.
 So now it's Juan.
 Okay, so Juan.
 - And there's no Latinos in the textbooks, if you notice.
 It's always like, you know, Jack went to the store.
 James, you know, it's never Jose.
 - You wanna talk about fucking Hispanic
 or Latino heritage and culture?
 Let's go back to the greater Antilles, right?
 Let's go fucking way back before the Spaniards came in, right?
 When you had, you know, Puerto Rico,
 you had the Dominican Republic, also known as Hispaniola,
 right, you had fucking Cuba.
 You had the Virgin Islands, you had Bahamas, you had,
 fucking St. Lucia, St. Martin, you had all these things.
 Indigenous people ran and ruled all those places, right?
 You had the Arawaks, the Tainos, the Caribs.
 You had these people who were running shit,
 you know what I mean?
 You look at the word canoe, that's a fucking Taino word.
 You look at the word barbacoa,
 which is where the barbecue comes from, that's Taino.
 When the fuck was the last time you seen a fat white dude
 on the fucking smoked turkey channel
 talk about the origins of barbecue?
 You never see that.
 You're like, you got barbecue cook-offs and shit like that
 in south, you know, Memphis and fucking Alabama and Texas.
 - Barbecue started in Kentucky.
 - You know what I'm saying?
 So this is, I mean, you want to talk about history,
 look, at the end of the day, we all know
 that if you want to get educated,
 you have to do your own, what we call, due diligence.
 You have to investigate for yourself,
 and you can't take the first thing you read
 as, you know, the Bible or the truth.
 You have to always go back and cross reference stuff.
 I mean, you can pay all the money you want in college.
 College is for getting laid.
 Look, let me tell you something.
 You want to go to college,
 you want to use the government's money to get Pell Grants
 or BEOG fucking grants or TAP fucking grants
 for all you young motherfuckers.
 Do they even still have those things now, Q?
 - I don't know, I just--
 - Those are all government-subsidized loans
 and waivers they used to get.
 - Yeah, I know the Pell Grant.
 - Right, right, Pell Grant.
 - You could just lie on it.
 You could just be like, I make zero money.
 - I just lie on it, yo, I just need some money.
 - Well, it used to be when I was in college--
 - I'm gonna buy some rims.
 I'm gonna buy some rims this semester.
 - No, when I was in college, they'd give you a check.
 That's how stupid they were.
 They'd give you a check at the beginning of the semester.
 So, of course, you had all these dumb motherfuckers
 registering for college, getting the check,
 cashing it, and then dropping out.
 Duh!
 - That was the best.
 - Come on, well, that's why--
 - I'm still spending that money.
 - Well, that's why that shit doesn't exist.
 But let's get it straight.
 Look, if you're a young guy, young girl,
 if you really want to go to college,
 especially if you're a minority,
 you know, just go to college for about two years,
 suck a cock, eat ass, fuck all you want,
 drink, black out, gargle with some fucking
 angel dust fucking particles.
 Get that shit out of your way.
 When you're done--
 - No, but then you're prepared to run a company.
 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was gonna say, I was gonna say.
 - Go to that Eyes Wide Shut party prepared.
 - I was gonna say, when you're done with all that,
 and you haven't overdosed, killed yourself,
 hung yourself, or anybody else in your crew,
 then you might be ready to go to the next
 phase of your life, which is,
 what do you want to do with your life?
 College ain't gonna fucking help you with that.
 That's gonna be between you and you.
 That's it, okay?
 You know what I'm saying?
 - Exactly.
 - That's how it is.
 - Yeah, I love it.
 - That's the world according to the NPR, brother.
 - Yeah, drop out of school.
 We're going good in this show, right?
 - We're doing good, we're doing good.
 But I wanna, we just fucking did about 20 minutes
 of fucking socio-psycho babble, but it's cool, dude.
 - Overall.
 - That's what happens, that's what happens.
 So, but I wanna go back to--
 - We gotta have a list here, yeah.
 You're born in Puerto Rico, we just got into
 the whole Puerto Rico thing.
 - I might be Mexican, I'm just saying that,
 so they don't ask me.
 - But you grew up in Oakland.
 How did that happen?
 - Well, I grew up everywhere.
 I was actually, I grew up--
 - So you're a real spic.
 You got fucking transported everywhere.
 Why, was your father or your mother in some sort of
 a leg of the armed services that you had to move?
 - No, no, I lived in Puerto Rico 'til I was about 10.
 Then I moved to Orlando, my mom got a divorce
 and moved over there with my grandma.
 Then I joined the Navy.
 - Got a divorce and moved,
 - To Orlando.
 - To Orlando.
 - Orlando, yeah.
 - Yeah, that's little San Juan.
 - Right now, yeah, there's more Puerto Ricans in Orlando
 than in New York, my capital.
 So, then from there I joined the Navy when I was 17.
 Ended up in Chicago for boot camp
 and my training over there.
 Then I ended up in an aircraft carrier of San Francisco.
 - So you joined the Navy to fucking basically go to Chicago
 and wind up in San Francisco and I read you DJ'd
 on the aircraft carrier and that's all you did.
 - Yeah, but they had like old, old music.
 You know what I mean?
 Like, they would have like one hip hop joint
 and I wanted to play more hip hop.
 So, it would be like, I would play that song
 after every other song.
 You know what I mean?
 Like, I'll play something and then I'll play like,
 I think it was like Wu-Tang Cream.
 - Yeah.
 - Right, and it was like over and over again.
 But people love it.
 - So, you'd play rock and roll, all sorts of shit,
 country and then you'd play Cream again.
 - Exactly.
 - And then you'd bookend it.
 - Exactly.
 That's actually how I got into comedy
 because it was so boring.
 Actually, I would work 20 hours a day
 and then I would go do my radio show.
 So, after that.
 - 20 hours a day in the Navy, whatever your job was.
 - Yeah, I was an airman, so.
 - How long were you in the Navy?
 - I was there three years.
 - So, airman.
 Airman is, if you're an aircraft carrier,
 you basically signal aircraft to land
 and take off, that type of stuff?
 - Yeah, well, that's the traffic control.
 I would be like, once they land,
 they pass it over to me and then I would let them know
 that their cable was retracted and to go ahead and--
 - Make sure you put a chalk on the fucking wheel
 and shit like that.
 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, we just did like the after.
 - Yo, yo, Q, where's that chalk?
 Yo, I put that shit underneath the fucking plane wheel.
 Yo, that chalk's not there, man.
 - Actually, it's crazy 'cause when I was there,
 you know, the ships weren't integrated.
 So, it was about 8,000 men in one ship.
 It was a city.
 Like, they had two post offices.
 They had everything.
 But it gets tense in there after you've been there
 a few months out to sea and you haven't seen a woman,
 you know, like in about three months.
 It starts getting tense 'cause you're either gonna do a couple
 of things, you're gonna start looking at men's asses.
 - Well, yeah, it's like, there's no gays in the military,
 but we're gonna send a bunch of men
 in the middle of the ocean.
 - No, no, no, hombres.
 - No women.
 - It's not gay.
 - They've created more gay--
 - Yo, if you look at a man's ass, that's not gay.
 - It's not gay.
 - Or if you touch it, that might be your,
 you're like on your way to being gay.
 - Hey, Bill's ass kinda looks like my girl's ass.
 You know, if I close my eyes,
 that ass pussy's looking pretty good.
 - Yeah, let me ask you something, if it's dark, right?
 And there's no one there, and someone's sucking your dick,
 is it gay?
 If it turns out to be, then you just don't know.
 - Are you trying to justify some shit?
 - Okay, okay.
 - I'm just saying, do an experiment.
 - Okay.
 - It's an experiment.
 - All right, let me pull you back.
 - It's not gay if you're just trying something out.
 - Yo, let me pull you back.
 Let me pull you back.
 It's not gay if it's in a three-way, okay?
 - What, no, no, that's--
 - With a honey in the middle, it's okay.
 Anyway, that's--
 - If you do the pyramid.
 - That's a song, that's a song, never mind that.
 - You ever done the pyramid?
 - No, no, no, fuck all that, that's a song, that's a song.
 Forget all that.
 For all y'all out there, you know about the three-way,
 the golden rule, okay?
 That's a song, okay?
 - As long as the ball's not touched, that's my rule.
 It's like, your ball's over there, my ball's over here.
 - Adam, don't cross the sword.
 Adam Sandberg, is that his name?
 Andy, the three-way, the golden rule, who did that?
 - What's his name?
 - Justin Timberlake and Adam,
 who was the first guy?
 Adam?
 - What's the golden shower rule, now?
 - Andy Sandberg, thank you, and Lady Gaga.
 Yo, this shit is ridiculous.
 - The golden shower rule.
 - No, no, no, it's called the golden shower rule.
 - How long were you on that boat, man?
 Jesus Christ.
 - This went from--
 - Did you find that?
 Oh, you got it?
 Okay, hold on a second, hold on a second.
 You'll play it, you'll play it a little bit, hold on.
 - This went from like, this went down.
 - Jenny's gonna play for us.
 But in the meantime, so how'd you get into comedy, though?
 - So comedy, so basically, as I was doing the show,
 I noticed that I would be saying funny things on the mic.
 - Uh-huh.
 - And then people would come up to me later,
 like, yo, man, that's so funny.
 - Oh, that's funny.
 - Yeah, exactly.
 So I was like, okay, I'm gonna try this out,
 but I always was scared.
 Then I met somebody that was doing stand-up
 after I left the Navy, and he was always like,
 come on, please do it.
 - Come to the punchline, or come to wherever the hell.
 - Basically.
 But I went to Oakland to a place, oh, there it is.
 - Okay.
 Yeah, baby.
 - Jesus shit.
 - Yeah.
 - Uh-huh.
 - This one, they used to talk in the song.
 - Back in that ass.
 ♪ Yeah ♪
 - You don't know this song?
 - I don't know it, but I'm making love to this tonight.
 ♪ Your mom says hi, Jinx ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 - I'm a Capricorn.
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
 ♪ Summertime in the city ♪
 ♪ And everybody's happy ♪
 ♪ Having sex ♪
 ♪ You know, I just got a page from a girl ♪
 ♪ That I met last week at the playlist ♪
 ♪ Shoe source ♪
 ♪ I also have a cutie to call ♪
 ♪ Who loves the way I knock on her boots ♪
 ♪ Well, it's time to mag ♪
 ♪ Let's handle that ♪
 ♪ In two to six hours ♪
 ♪ We'll meet back there in Red Rope ♪
 ♪ Now let's show ♪
 ♪ Roll up to her crib with some bottles and change ♪
 ♪ Up off the bus with the alizé ♪
 ♪ Now hold up, player ♪
 ♪ What you diggity-doing here ♪
 ♪ I should diggity-ask you the same ♪
 ♪ Then she sang ♪
 ♪ Hey, boys ♪
 ♪ I want you both ♪
 ♪ I hope that you think that's cool ♪
 ♪ I know most guys won't freak together ♪
 ♪ When she forgot about the golden rule ♪
 ♪ I hope it's okay ♪
 ♪ When it's in a three-way ♪
 ♪ It's not gay ♪
 ♪ When it's in a three-way ♪
 ♪ With a honey in the middle ♪
 ♪ There's some leaves ♪
 - Yo, I just scooped that.
 Yo, but you gotta go,
 what you gotta do is go to YouTube
 and put three-way the golden rule.
 Shit is hilarious.
 It was a skit on Saturday Night Live.
 I saw that shit.
 I nearly peed my,
 I nearly peed and shit my pants at the same time.
 That was so fucking hilarious.
 - That sounds hilarious.
 - Oh, so it's like a sketch.
 - It's a sketch.
 - I didn't hear this on the radio.
 - No, but it's a fucking video.
 It's a song.
 It's a straight-up bonafide song.
 Anyway, so you did stand-up comedy.
 The reason I'm saying is 'cause you and I met
 and you were producing,
 or you were one of the producers on,
 at the time it was CTV,
 but it's Nouveau TV now, right?
 - Nouveau TV, yeah.
 - Nouveau TV bought out CTV,
 or it was the same thing,
 or was that always for Nouveau TV?
 - They just kind of rebranded.
 - Got it.
 - And then Jennifer Lopez came in
 and-
 - So CTV rebranded as Nouveau TV
 and Jennifer Lopez came on board and started-
 - Yeah, she's a creative something.
 - Creative director.
 - Yeah.
 - She's like, "Oprah's got a network, I want one."
 - That's pretty much what it is.
 - Well, shit.
 Marc Anthony's gonna be in town tomorrow.
 I'm gonna go see him.
 - Yeah?
 - I'll tell him you said hi.
 - Yeah, tell him I said what's up.
 - I'm gonna tell him you said what's up.
 - Tell him I said what's up with,
 he's in the cover of "Man's Fitness."
 - Is he?
 - Come on, come on.
 Marc Anthony in the cover of "Man's Fitness."
 - I have to look at it.
 That's sarcasm right there.
 Like, come on.
 That doesn't make me wanna go to the gym.
 I cancel my membership.
 - That makes you wanna get some ribs and shit
 and some cornbread.
 - That's the current state, though.
 I mean-
 - I hear you.
 - Jareth from Subway is fit, you know?
 - Well, yeah, but look-
 - He's not fit.
 - Google that picture of Marc Anthony's hat.
 - Marc Anthony's in the cover of "Man's Fitness."
 - He's a skinny motherfucker.
 Marc Anthony is, actually, you're slim.
 And you were a little heavier back then.
 Like, when you first started doing standup,
 you were a little chunkier.
 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
 I mean, I've-
 I've gone up and down.
 You know, I don't have a problem really losing it.
 It's just-
 - Gaining it if you eat a lot, right?
 - Yeah, 'cause I don't-
 It's like when you stop-
 Maybe when you're in a relationship,
 I think you gain weight.
 - Have you been-
 Has that been the case?
 Like, you've been in a relationship,
 and then you just, like, let your guard down?
 - And then suck it.
 - Yeah, you're like, "You're in a relationship."
 - You love me for me.
 - Yo, yo, you get in a relationship.
 Everything's going good.
 You let your guard down.
 A big, fat steak goes up your ass.
 Feep.
 And you fucking explode
 in the fucking glorious state of being called in-loveness,
 where you fucking gain another four or five inches
 on your waistline.
 - Exactly.
 - That type of shit.
 - Exactly, and then you-
 - I feel you.
 - Then she leaves you for that-
 - Then you cry.
 - That fucking model, yeah.
 - Then you cry.
 - And then you go back and lose weight.
 - And then you can't eat.
 - And then it's too late.
 - And then you can't eat.
 Right, you're not a man.
 I'm sorry to tell you, you're not a real man
 until you've had your fucking heart
 and your balls broken by a girl.
 When you're like, you know,
 you haven't eaten in three fucking days,
 and your boy's like, "Yo, dude, you're getting skinny.
 "Have something to eat."
 "No, man, I don't have an appetite, man.
 "I just keep thinking about her.
 "That's all I keep doing."
 - No, but I'm a little different.
 I'll say something like, you'll be like,
 "Oh, man, what's up?
 "Are you okay?"
 Man, fuck that bitch, right?
 But I go home and just cry in the shower.
 - But deep down inside, you're crying.
 - Yeah.
 - Yeah, fuck that bitch.
 - There's a lot of hoes out here.
 I'm out at the club.
 - Yeah, and then you go home and you're like-
 - And texting her like, "Hey, what, what?"
 - And you're like,
 "Man, that used to be her washcloth.
 "I haven't washed in a long time.
 "The pillow still smells like her."
 You know what I mean, yo?
 That'll fuck up a guy, man.
 - It will.
 - That will fuck a dude up.
 - It will.
 It's hard.
 It's heartbreaking.
 - That'll fuck you up, man.
 You sleep with a woman for so many years,
 or however many years, or however many months,
 the pillow, you acquire this scent,
 and it's just like, you can't live without it.
 - Yeah.
 - And plus, and then you're afraid, not for you,
 but she might be with somebody else right now.
 - Oh, forget it.
 That's the Latino shit.
 - Is she with somebody else?
 - She's with somebody else right now.
 - Yo, when you get to a point in your life, though,
 when you get beat down, you lose so much weight,
 you're like, "Fuck it.
 "I don't mind sharing you, whatever.
 "Just let me see you a couple of days a week."
 - That's the worst.
 - So, hold on a second.
 So, you did stand-up.
 I saw your stand-up.
 I saw your BET.
 That shit was funny, dude.
 - Oh, cool.
 - That was some funny shit.
 How long ago was that?
 - Wow, that was 2000, early 2000s.
 - Wow.
 - I remember, yeah, that was Atlanta.
 - That's how long ago I started doing fucking stand-up,
 and then stopped,
 and then went back.
 And then stopped, and went back.
 It's ridiculous how many times.
 But that's funny.
 You look like you're fucking 19 years old there.
 - Yeah, I was like 23, around there.
 - Wow.
 - Yeah, and that was, you know,
 like I was really coming up in stand-up.
 Like, I was doing it a lot, and I felt like--
 - And then what happened?
 Why'd you stop doing stand-up?
 - I actually started doing a movie, producing a movie.
 And it was my own movie.
 I had the actor sleeping over at my house.
 So, it took all of my time.
 It took me three months to edit it myself.
 - Right.
 - And it kind of took me out of that groove.
 - That groove, yeah.
 - But then I discovered producing
 - Right.
 - You know, and then that was like,
 oh, man, this is--
 - Right.
 You have fucking, you have potential.
 I mean, you have potential.
 I mean, that was, I mean, seriously, at 23,
 I saw, you know, the George Foreman grill.
 That's hilarious.
 You did the guy, you know, getting a job.
 Yo, you hiring?
 Which, actually, you're also, you've done
 a couple of animations.
 One of them, Counterfeit, the neighborhood dude, right?
 The neighborhood guy.
 - Yeah, with Russell Simmons.
 - Yeah, so you did that.
 That's hilarious.
 I'm gonna play a little bit of that.
 That shit was hilarious.
 That cracked me up.
 Oh, that shit cracked me up.
 Hold on a second.
 Hold on.
 - What up, what up?
 I heard you're hiring and shit.
 - We're evaluating potential employees
 for an opening in our accounting department.
 How did you hear about this position?
 - I keep my ear on the street, you know what I mean?
 - Okay, who called you in for this interview?
 - Man, you be asking a lot of questions, man.
 I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
 - Well, you didn't catch it 'cause I didn't throw it.
 You know what I mean?
 Call me Counterfeit.
 - Counterfeit?
 Is this your legal name?
 - Man, I ain't trying to give you no information, man.
 I don't want you motherfuckers
 trying to find me later and shit.
 - So tell me about your experience.
 - I've been with a few hoes here and there.
 Know what I mean?
 I be getting busy.
 Hoes be on the deals, Nick.
 - Not your sexual experience, your work experience.
 - Oh, that.
 You know, I had this job one time.
 Well, you know how motherfuckers be, man.
 Cash register go missing, so they try to blame it on the black man.
 - So did they find the cash register?
 - They found it in my house, but it's like I told them, that'll prove shit.
 - So I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
 - You know, I watched that.
 You have another thing, another fucking animation, Caesar and Chewie.
 - Oh, yeah.
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